Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Day 2 of doctors

I had the eye specialist yesterday.  I need new contacts and glasses.  No, this was not a surprise.  I knew I needed them.  Street signs are getting harder to read.  What I did forget is that I needed a driver because he wanted to dialate my eyes and I drove myself.  Yup, what was I thinking?  I wasn't.  Anyways, he said it wasn't any big deal, he will just do it when my contacts come in so I will need a driver that day.

Today, was the ear doctor to check on my hearing aids.  She adjusted a few things and now some levels have been turned up so I am good to go.  I am glad I got them, although I was skeptical when I first got them.  I wasn't sure they helped until the week they had to be sent to the factory for fixing.  Then I couldn't hear so I knew it was a good thing to have them.  I don't have to go back until November now.  I am glad.  That will be a year for me having these.

Tomorrow is a new doctor, the endocrinologist.  I have never seen this doctor so everything is new to me at this practice.  Because of the prolactinemia, I have to see him.  I couldn't really even tell you which one I am seeing.  I have it written down though so that is good.  I am not sure what all will happen, like will I have more blood tests tomorrow or not, but I will find out, that is for sure.

Lessons are on the low side and have been since Christmas.  I lost a few students at Christmas because of moving and such and they never got replaced so I am really on the low side.  I can only teach so much as it is.  With the amount of cancellations I have had since January, wow, it is no wonder I am not stretching my dollars as well as I was.  I have looked at my schedule and with some recent changes, I have some openings again.  I have opened up some spots on the page so I am hoping they get filled soon.  I need a certain amount to be able to pay the utility bills and the taxes as well as the doctor bills, which haven't been paid since March.  It is not good, but I know it will get better.  It always works out in the end.  I am just thankful for what I have.  My needs are met and my wants are few.  I am happy with what I have.  If I want something else, I save for it.  Like right now, I am going to be starting to save for a couple day trip to Kalamazoo to see Kathy.  That is on my list of things I want to do.  I like going to see her in the summer, because really, I only see her about 3 to 4 times a year at the major holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Easter, and once during the summer.  I am hoping she will be able to take a weekend and come to visit us, but if she can't, that is okay too.  With four children and a hubby, plus work inside and outside of the home, she is very busy and I totally understand that.  I like to stay in a hotel that has a pool so the kids can come and swim sometime during the visit.  Otherwise, Kathy and I spend the whole time together.  It is just so much fun to have some Kathy time.  Other than that, I foresee a couple of day trips to see my younger brother, Andrew and maybe some cousins but that is about it.  I hope to see my Aunt Michelle and Uncle John soon too.  I have many Sundays off and that is my rest and visiting day.  I am thinking of going to see Andrew on Sunday.  I am not sure yet.  It is a 2 hour drive there but that is okay.  I don't mind.  He is definitely worth the drive.  I haven't physically seen him since September and that is a long time to go for not seeing my brother.  I do text him quite a bit but that is not the same as seeing him in person but if I have to choose between texting or no contact, I will take texting.  His are short and that is okay.  I know he is doing well and that is what matters.

I am very tired tonight and I foresee myself going to bed rather early.  With having to get up early yesterday and today, it has been extra exhausting plus I have to get up early again tomorrow.  3 days in a row is very tiring for me.  What was I thinking?  I wasn't, I know.  I just wasn't.  I made these plans without consulting my planner but I won't do that again.  I will try to have my planner with me at all doctor appointments in the future.  I can sleep in on Friday and I will definitely need it by then.  I don't want to have a crash happen to me.  Most of the time when a crash happens, I end up in the hospital and I don't want that to happen.  I am working on staying healthier so I don't have to go into the hospital.

My headache is pretty bad right now since I am so exhausted.  I taught a couple more lessons than usual because of make ups too but that didn't increase my headache, the exhaustion did.  I have to be so careful about things like because my headaches can get so bad.  The rest of the pain is just the regular pain, nothing increased so that is good.

Well, time to head off to bed for a bit of light reading and then lights out!

Friday, May 23, 2014


I have 3 doctor appointments in a row next week.  What WAS I thinking?  On Tuesday I see the Eye doctor, on Wednesday, the ear doctor, and on Thursday the endocrinologist.  I will be wiped out by Friday.  I must remember to start bringing my planner to doctor appointments so I don't do this again.  I am looking forward to seeing the eye specialist as I have never have seen one and I have macular degeneration in both eyes.  I also don't think they are seeing as well as they should either.  I will wait and see what the doctor has to say.  The ear doctor is just the 6 month check up on my hearing aids.  It shouldn't be a problem at all.  They work fine and I believe they are now turned all the way up.  The endocrinologist is a new doctor for the prolactinemia.  He will let me know whether or not I need a MRI for the tumor on my gland, which causes the prolactinemia.  He will also deal with my thyroid, which doesn't work at all.  All in all, it will be an insane week but I am glad the week is finally here.

There is no school today so all the kids are home.  I do hope Emily is still coming for her lesson.  It is a holiday weekend and I haven't heard otherwise, but still, I worry because it is a holiday weekend.  Last week, Emily had an hour lesson.  She is doing very well.  A little shaky on her concert song, but it will still go well.  I have the program finished.  I never print before Saturday because of changes that can happen at the last minute.  I have really nice paper I am printing the program on.  Since there are only 16 numbers, there is only one act and no need for a fancier program.  Just a simply one pager will do.

Maisy had a bath today.  She really does well when she is getting her bath.  Maisy is very patient and let's Heather BT bathe her.  She looked so cute.  I have two pictures of her that I need to post on face book.  She has curly fur.  I never realized how curly until just now when it was wet.  It looks so cute.  She is just a cute girl to begin with.  So, I learned how to bathe her, in case I need to in the future or for when I have my own little dog.

Megan just finished her lesson.  She is singing, "I Enjoy Being a Girl", for the Spring Concert, which is Sunday.  I know it isn't the best time to have it but in reality, is there ever a weekend that everyone will ever be able to make it?  No.  This was the best for us since April and May were so crazy busy.  I still have the majority of my students attending so that is good.  I am happy about that.

I have noticed in the last few weeks that my diet coke habit is getting bigger.  I find myself drinking more of it.  Well, time to cut that down.  I am also trying to work on only eating when hungry, not just cause the clock says it is time to eat.  This is a toughy for me so it will take some work.  I have continued to lose weight, but I need to make sure it continues in the proper direction, down, not up.

Painwise, it is a normal pain day.  My headache is the same as usual, nothing more than usual.  I am more lightheaded than usual for some reason.  It might be the getting used to the new medicine.  I don't know.  My right leg still continues to plague me at night.  It is going to for a while more, I think.  At least it is only that leg and not both.  That would be bad.  One I can deal with, two is horrifying.

Well, Emily should be here soon.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Sunday, A Day of Rest?

It is a quiet Sunday for me.  I have no lessons, which in itself is not too unusual as I often don't have lessons but we have been busy for the last few Sundays so to be home on a Sunday is unusual, very unusual for me.  I am enjoying the peace and quiet, well as quiet as a house can be with a 9 year old boy and a 14 year old girl in it.

Pain level isn't too high right now including my daily headache.  It is about the average pain level.  My right knee has started with something rather weird but that was this morning and seems to be okay now.   Bodies are so weird with fibro, with how the pain migrates from area to area.  It is such a mystery to me how it does that.  I just try to go with the flow.

Yesterday, we had book club.  I try to keep my life as "normal" as I can with this fibro stuff.  I do tend to sleep more than an average person but that is because I wake up every couple hours so I never get a perfect nights sleep.  It is just the way it goes.  I am not up during the day as long as an average person because of my sleep habits but for me, that is okay.  If you don't like it, too bad.  It is my life, my illness, not yours.  So, as I was saying, I try to do interesting things in addition to teaching.  Now, I don't teach as much as I used to, no where near as much as I used to, but I am thrilled I can still teach.  It is hard to remember what I used to be able to do and what I can do now, but whatever, that is the way it has to be.  I have tried to live within my limits and that is what I am learning to do.  Sometimes, I over do it, yes, but that is the way we all learn, right?  The book this month was the Great Gatsby.  I was bored but I got the point of the book.  Star had written some very thought provoking questions that really got us some good conversation.  I like that.  We aren't the book club that talks about the book for 5 minutes and then talks about every thing else too, nope, we talk about the book.  We did talk about the shallowness of the people in the book and compared it to the shallowness of people today, which was very interesting.  Comparing the 1920s to today was interesting.  I was sad that several people had to miss, but with busy schedules these days, we will never pick a day that everyone is available or if we do, it will be a fluke.  The next book was picked by Star, "Lost Lake", by Sarah Addison Allen.  I have it and have been waiting for book club to read it.  Star has read it and loved it.  It was her choice this month.  I really want everyone to choose a book because that adds more flavor to the books we read.  Now, I have to contact everyone and let them know what book we are reading and when we are meeting.  It should be a good time, it always is.

Summer is coming and I am really hoping it isn't too slow with absences as bills must be paid.  That is the bad side of fibro and the lack of being able to work full time.  Stretching money to pay bills.  I am learning to be thrifty.  It is something that my momma tried to teach me over the years but I didn't quite get.  I get it know and I find that I don't want as much materialistic stuff as I used to.  I don't deny myself much.  If I want something, I save for it, just like if I need it.  Right now, I am saving for a couple day vacation to go and see Kathy.  It is something I want to do and I am saving money for the hotel to stay at to see her.  i think we will get pedicures again this year.  I will save for that too.  Maybe manicures too.  I don't know, we will see.  Maybe we will shop for a couple of outfits or something instead or do something we have never done.  I don't know.  It is a toss up but that is why I am saving the money so I can do something and if we don't?  That is okay because the most important thing is for us to be together.  I enjoy going to visit her and her family.  I try to choose a hotel that has a pool so the kids can come and swim.  I prefer one with a restaurant but those cost more so it is okay that I don't because to choose between the pool and the restaurant, I will choose the pool.  There are several restaurants in the area where she lives we can go to together and we do.  Generally, the kids come and swim a bit and then Kathy and I spend time together.  Last year, we borrowed Matthew's game system to watch Game of Thrones and it was a good time.  Then we went out to dinner and watched more Game of Thrones.  Maybe we will do that again, maybe we won't.  It is hard to say with us.  The important thing is being together and having fun.

So far, our weather has not been spring like.  It has either been in the 50s or high 80s.  It is such an unusual year for us, with the super cold winter and the cold spring.  We are about a month behind in the blooming in our plants and I fear the last rose bush my momma planted is dead.  There is no growth what so ever in it.  I am sad as that was one we were keeping as a memorial to my momma but if it is dead, it is dead and there is nothing I can do about it.  Nothing whatsoever.  It is just the way it is.  Heather BT is very good with flowers and plants so I am leaving the outside to her.  She just looks at a plant and it grows.  I have a plant from Maia and Tilley that I got in the hospital last year that is still alive, thanks to her.  I would have either over or under watered it so it would not have survived.  Thankfully, she is an expert and it is thriving well.  I do hope we don't go straight to the super hot weather as I tend to ache more in the extreme heat and the extreme cold.  Both are bad for me but since I am not in charge, I will just have to deal with what we get, I suppose.

Next Sunday is the spring concert.  I am not ready.  I will be by the time it arrives but right now, I am not.  Star is going to make the program, I just have to collect what everyone is playing or singing.  I have a few students who will not be in it, which I expected since it is a holiday weekend and also, there is never a concert everyone will attend.  I am excited about the concert, just not ready for it, teacher-wise yet.  I am trying to keep my anxiety down on this one too so I don't raise my anxiety or my pain level as concerts tend to do both.  i refuse to give in and not do concerts, but I must prepare for the concert a head of time to keep anxiety down.  Anxiety is so annoying at times.

Well, on to either words with friends or cleaning out my drawers.  I am not sure which.

Friday, May 16, 2014

It isn't Cancer!!!! 5-16

I am so thankful!!!  On Wednesday, I had the mammogram and the breast ultrasound and it is not cancer!  The pain that has been coming and going must be from the lovely prolactinemia.  Such a strange thing.  Also, the lightheadedness and the nausea can be caused by that too, of which, neither has gone away.  I know, I know, it takes time, but still, I am such an impatient person!  I want results now!  I will try to be patient with these things.

I woke up this morning at 5 am and I felt like I could take on the world.  Well, by 6 am, I was back asleep and when I woke up at noon, I was exhausted.  So goes my day.  Nothing new here.  I did read a bit this morning before I went back to sleep because I couldn't sleep.  I didn't really want to go downstairs and go on the computer so I read.

My daily headache is a bit worse than usual today, but definitely not as bad as yesterday when I had to lie down for a while.  It was so bad.  I have given up on break through meds because at this point, they are not helping one little bit.  Not one bit so there is no point in suffering through an awful shot if it isn't going to work, right?  If it gets super bad, I am to call my neuro and she either calls in a prescription or sends me to the ER for the IV form of the meds that finally worked when I was in the ER last fall.  I get so tired of the ER at times.  Fortunately, in 2014, I have not been in one at all!  It is a record so far this year.

I only have 2 students tonight, Acer and Emily.  Acer is finished with his lesson.  He is such a musical young man.  Emily will be here in a bit.  She plays piano.  Tonight she is coming for an hour to make up for missing last week because of traffic and other obstacles in the way.  This will work out well because next week is the spring concert and we need to work on her song a lot so an hour will be just fine for us.  Em is such a sweet girl.

Tomorrow, I am so excited because my Amy is back!  She was out of the country for about 7 months and now she is back!  She would have been back last week but we had the wedding so that was important.  It is also book club tomorrow.  I wonder what everyone thought about the book.  I will tell what I thought after book club, not before.  I do hope that everyone is able to come.  I love book club and we actually do talk about the book, which, I understand, many book clubs don't.  We are just weird that way.

I am really tired now.  It is just crazy how tired I am now.  I have a short break before my Emily will be here and then I can crash for the night.  I probably won't since I haven't had dinner yet, but I could.

It's really strange but I have had a sore throat for 5 days now.  It is only on the right side, though, which is good, but it is strange.  My right ear is starting to hurt now too.  This is not looking good.  I am not up for an ear infection or a cold or anything else right now.  However, should I end up with something like that, I will rest and do what I need to do.  I'm just hoping to pass over this.  Star is rather ill right now.  She has a bad head cold and actually had to cancel a performance tonight because of it.  I felt so bad for her.  She so wanted to perform tonight at the art show but she is just too sick.  Star is a beautiful dancer.  I haven't seen her dance in years but I am hoping to see her in some of the shows she has coming up.  Star only just recently started back to dance.  I am hoping that when I get down to a reasonable weight to be able to go back to dance.  That is my dream.  I do not, however, want to go back to pointe.  I don't think my hips will like that so that is okay.  I love contemporary ballet or lyrical jazz best anyway and you don't need toe shoes for those.  I miss dance.  I wish I hadn't quit but the fibro was so bad, I had no choice.  I just couldn't do it anymore.   I really couldn't.  The pain just got too much for me to handle.  Now that the pain is a bit more manageable at times, I am dreaming of the day I can dance.  The meds take the edge off of the pain so that helps me through the day, although my day is sooooooo much shorter than the average person, it is still my day.  I sleep a lot, or rather, I spend a lot of time trying to sleep as I wake up about every 2 or so hours.  Sometimes, my best sleep is between 6 am and 12 noon to 1 pm.  It is just the way it is.  So, sometimes, I spend 12 to 14 hours trying to sleep.  I am a 12 hour sleeper and I pretty much always have been.  I know some people say I sleep too much but I have tried sleeping less and I find after a couple of days of it, I end up crashing and burning and sleeping the whole day and night away so this way is better.

My leg pain is not doing any better.  I am thankful it is only the right leg and not both.  I don't know why it happens, I have tried many different things but nothing seems to work.  It is not coming from my back, that I have figured out.  It is my leg because it is the lower part at first and then it raises to the thigh.

Well, Emily will be here shortly and I want to get some stuff done before she gets here.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

One answer to a test

I had some blood tests last week and I had to redo one because the levels were high.  I was unable to shower or touch my chest before the blood test and I had to fast for this test.  Well, the results were the same, high.  I have proactinemia.  I have to take some medicine for the rest of my life to keep the levels normal.  It is caused by a tumor in one of my glands.  Usually, the tumor is not cancerous.  I have to see a new doctor.  He/she will decide if I have to get an MRI to see if it is cancerous.  The doctor said not to worry about the tumor at all, so I am not.  I will have a mammogram and an ultrasound next week to see what the fibroids are in my breast.  I already have the thing where the lining of my lungs are inflamed.  I have pain there all the time, it is normal.  The pain I had a couple of weeks ago was something I have never had nor have had since.  I am not looking forward to the mammogram.  They hurt no matter your size.  I have come to that conclusion, it doesn't matter whether you are big or small, it hurts to be squeezed like that.  The ultrasound will hurt if they press to hard because of the lining of my lungs pain.  All in all, I am not looking forward to that day but I am looking forward to the answers.  One good thing is that I have not had the super sharp pains since those couple of days.

My normal headache is a little above normal pain levels right now.  I am tired.  I got up earlier than usual to meet my friend, Jen for lunch.  I love how we meet every 2 to 3 months to catch up on each other's life.  We had 2 wonderful hours together that were full of laughter and much chatter.  I showed the new pictures I took of Maisy, the little Brussels Griffon Dog and she showed me pictures of the kids.  She has 4 children, ages 12, 11, and 4.  The 12 year olds are twins.  It was a fun time.  Jen is also in book club with me too but she will be unable to make it next week as she will be out of town.

This Sunday is Mother's Day.  I get so sad on this day as my momma passed away in 2010.  I don't know if my younger brother is going to her grave or not but I just can't.  I don't know if I will ever be able to see it in person.  I have seen what the stone looks like in pictures.  Every year, he plants new flowers but I just can't go.  She isn't there, I know that.  But still, I just can't deal with it.  I have a hard enough time with her birthday, the anniversary of when she died, and Mother's Day that adding to go and see her grave puts me over the limit of what I can handle.  So, I will spend Mother's Day with Star and her mom.  We are going to tea and it shall be fun.  We will remember her grandmother, who passed away last year, and my momma.  I miss mine so much.  I don't think there is a day go by that I don't think how much I miss her.  I miss the momma she was before Alzheimer's and the momma she became with Alzheimer's.  I was her caregiver and I am glad was.  There was good times and bad times during my caregiver days but overall, it was good and I am really glad I got the chance to spend all that time with momma.  It is something I will never regret.  I just wish I got to spend time with her now.  Alzheimer's took so much away from her and from us but then again, is there any disease that doesn't take something away?  I don't think so.  I think all diseases take something away from the person who has it.

Saturday is my friend's wedding.  Kathy will be there!  I am so excited to see her at the wedding!  It should be lots of fun!  I think so anyway.  I am hoping that my head will be in good shape and that I will be well rested to attend the wedding and the reception.  I generally avoid receptions because of the sensory overloads but with Kathy there, I just have to go.  My wanting to spend more time with her out weighs the sensory overload watch level.  I may pay for it on Sunday but as I am going to tea later in the day, I will have time to recover and if I need to cancel, they would totally understand but I think I am planning the couple of days well.

Well, it is almost dinner time.  I have to go and pour the milks for everyone.  That is my job.