I was supposed to go for sewing this afternoon, but unfortunately, they had to cancel because of scheduling issues.  I was disappointed but I will see them next week.  I have a bad headache today so it probably was for the best.  I am not my best when my head feels like it will explode.  It is just that I haven't seen the girls for sewing in a month!  It is entirely too long of a time between!  I miss them too much.  I am glad they are healthy again and no more flu.  They had the swine flu (at least we think so because it was such a bad flu) and everyone, including the baby, got it.  I need to get the vaccine for it but right now it is not available at the doctor's office yet.  I hope so soon or at least at a place where I don't have to stand in line because standing is so hard for me.

Other than the headache we are doing alright.  Mom is okay today, she is a bit confused and was freezing this morning.  I told her 3 times to put more clothes on but she just walks around and cries.  It is very frustrating.  It is like she doesn't realize she has clothes to wear and she wakes up so early.  Ridiculously early and expects me to get up too.  Well I don't.  I go back to sleep.  This morning she was hungry and wouldn't go down for breakfast unless I went with her.  So I went down made her cereal and went back to bed.  I am have tried putting the bowl with cereal in it on the table at night for her but she won't eat it.  She is so afraid of bugs and germs and all that type crap.  It is driving me nuts.  Sometimes I just want to scream!  This morning was one of them.

I hope you are having a better day than me!

I went to my friend Heather's house today for a visit.  It was such fun.  I haven't really seen her in years.  Yes, I briefly saw her this summer, but that doesn't count.  We had about an hour to ourselves before her little boy came home and then about 1/2 hour later her daughter arrived.  Both kids are so cute and nice and polite.  She also has two dogs that are very friendly.  They didn't jump up on us at all.  I like that in a dog.  Mom came with me of course.  She did okay until it started getting darker and she started freaking out over the wind.  She flips out over wind so easy.  She really is terrorized by the wind since she has been picked up from it and moved to another place.  It was years ago but to her it was just yesterday.  It is frustrating for me because we have wind a lot, so it's like she is freaking out a lot.  I have learned to keep our drapes shut in the dining room when she is in there because she constantly looks out and flips.  I wasn't ready to leave but she started being whiny and frightened so we left.  She had both hands on her hat when we left, fortunately, we only live about 10 minutes from Heather's house.

She did get a bit confused this morning when I told her we were going to Heather's until I started using the words my friend Heather.  Then she wasn't confused.  She is freezing again, as usual.  I am tired of trying to keep her warm, nothing works so she is on her own.  She puts on her outside coat instead of other warm inside coats so I give up.  Whatever, you want to freeze even more outside, go ahead.  Whatever.

I have to finish my sewing in a few minutes.  I need to have them ready for tomorrow when Hannah, Sarah, and I stuff and finish them.  Lydia and Natalie should be finishing up their tops tomorrow.  I am excited about that.

I don't really like this bitter cold we have because I do ache tons more than usual.

Well, I hope you had a good day, I sure did.

Mom had her blood test and her x-rays this morning.  I had to get up so early to take her.  Ugh.  I am not a morning person, I am not a night person either, I am a day person.   Between the hours of 11 am and 9 pm I am alright, any earlier or later, forget it, I am sleepy.  So her appointment was at 9 am which meant I had to get up at 8 am.  She did pretty okay except she is difficult when she gets up because picking clothes is difficult for her.  I usually pick her stuff, but she wakes me to ask what to wear.  I have to get up (usually super early around 6 ish) to get them for her and then I go back to bed.  I have tried to her to stay in her pajamas until I wake up.  It isn't as if she does anything except wander the house, but she just flips out.  She has no concept of sleep for me anymore.  It kinda really sucks.  Big time!  I am trying to get used to the new schedule but it is hard.  No sleep for me means crabby me which is not good for dealing with Mom.  Also no sleep means tons more pain which is really bad.

She is sleeping in her chair as usual.  I wish she would be awake more during the day maybe she would sleep more in the night, but she is a morning person and always has been.

We woke up to white stuff on the ground.  I guess I am ready for winter.  I have a new pair of sweats coming next week.  (Christmas present from mom)  I will now have 4 pairs.  I love sweats, they are so warm.  I do have nice clothes for when I need them, but I don't most days.

I am planning to sew the ornaments this afternoon after lunch.  Mom will go with me to the other room while I sew my presents.  I have everyone else's finished.  The only things left are the homemade ones!  

It should be an okay type day.  After sewing before Lily's play I may need to take a nap.  We shall see!  Have a great day!

I have finished my Christmas shopping!  yeah!  I am finally done.  Usually I am done by November because December lessons were always iffy and bills needed to be paid so I got in the habit of shopping all year round.  However, after the store, things were a little dicey.  I did get Mom some really cute socks (I hope she wears them) and a new throw blanket for the dining room chair she sits in.  I got her 2 new movies and 1 movie for me (Harry Potter of course!) and the Susan Boyle CD.  She has such a beautiful voice.  She made the world stand up and take notice of her.  I wish I could do the same.  Maybe sometime in the future. 

I have 2 lessons today.  Zach is starting again and he called to tell me he is on his way.  Then Charlie will have his after.  So all in all, a good day.  Mom did well while we went from store to store.  We hit Tim Horton's first (Mom was hungry), then Walmarts, Joann's, Border's, and then the Post Office.  I was disappointed in the selection of planners.  I guess I need to get them in the fall.  I did buy one a few weeks ago but I thought maybe there would be some cuter ones.  I was wrong, so I will keep the one I have.  Mom and I can share it.  She doesn't really need a planner since I keep track of everything for her.  I did buy her a cute calendar for the kitchen.  She saw it in Joann's and asked if she could get it.  Of course I said yes.  She asks for very little.  I am the big shopper of the family.  (well, not like I used to be.  Disability only goes so far and bills do need to be paid.  Teaching helps pay the bills)  I ordered the rest of my present on Saturday so that should be here next week so we are finished with the ordering and buying of presents.  Now I just need to finish sewing the ornaments.  I will do them tomorrow afternoon after Mom's doctor appointment.

I am in a bit more pain because of shopping, but not doing too badly from it.  I am glad I am done and home because the weather is about to turn bad.  I hope this finds you doing really well and having a good day too!

6 lessons this afternoon!  I was really really happy about that.  We are all getting ready for the Christmas Concert next week.  I am going to do what I used to do for the concerts, I have the kids write up small bios about themselves and put it in the bulletin.  It is fun to do.  I have a really cool CD ROM that has a lot of Christmas pictures.  It is quite cool.  I love the disc a lot.  I just have to find it.

My upper back is a bit sore today, might be from the long drive yesterday or not.  I slept pretty okay knowing Mom was blocked from different places in the house.  She didn't try to move either of the gates we have up so I was really happy this morning about it.  She also didn't move the chair I forgot to push in it at the table so she couldn't go into the kitchen either.  She stayed mostly upstairs, where I want her to be.

Harry Potter #6 movie comes out tomorrow!  I am getting (I think I can wait!) it for Christmas from Mom.  I am not sure if I can hold out until after Christmas.  I do know I am getting three more things from Santa for Christmas so I shall try to hold out on Harry Potter.  I will be working on the ornaments tomorrow so I can have them stuffed and the bells put on them on Friday.  I need to sew most of the bells before Friday because Lydia needs my machine to finish her top on Friday and it would be most unfair to use the machine on Friday instead of her.  Sewing days are all about the girls after all.  I plan to finish my sewing part by Wednesday latest.  I need to be ready for stuffing them by Friday.  I think Hannah and Sarah will be helping me.  Sarah can stuff them and Hannah and I can put the bells on them and finish the seam.  Then all I will have left will be to paint the names of the students on them.

I am pretty tired tonight.  I think we will be going to bed a bit earlier than usual.  Mom is tired too and a bit cranky tonight.  She is driving me nuts.  She constantly thinks other people are in the house when there isn't anybody here but us.  Then she cries, a lot.  I am running out of patience this evening.

I hope you are having a better night than me.

I picked up 3 baby (we call them safety) gates from Kathy today.  Yup, I drove all the way to Kalamazoo to see her and her family and pick the gates up.  It was great.  Nice easy drive on the way (2 1/2 hours each way), Mom slept most of the way down, Josh Groban CD in the radio and not much traffic.  We stayed a few hours, played with the girls watched Matthew play Wii and talked to Kathy!  I really enjoyed the visit.  Mom did well both there and back so day trips are on!  She didn't want to eat in the car and I didn't push it.  If she isn't hungry, I won't make her eat.  I told her how long it would be before we got home, the McDonald's was in a bag next to her so it was up to her.  I didn't think she would eat in the car but I was a bit hungry by that point so we stopped and went to the drive thru.  It worked out well.  I think we will be able to do it again.  I put up the gates in the front door and in front of the downstairs so she won't go down in the morning.  It is very tiring, but fun so it is worth it.

Tomorrow will be nice and busy.  Tuesday will be sort of busy, but the rest of the week won't be so much.  I do have some sewing to finish up.  The concert is in about 11 days so I have to finish the ornaments!  I have to make sure that I do them when the kids won't be here so they won't see them ahead of time.  The Muglia girls are helping me make them.  It has been 3 weeks since I have seen them because of the flu in their house.  I get them 2 times this week!  They aren't getting the ornaments for Christmas since they are helping me make them, that would be cheesy, but I have something for them that they will like.

I am almost done with Christmas shopping, I thought I was done but I have a few small things left.  I plan to get them this week before my money runs out.  I have to remember to pay my health insurance tomorrow before it gets cancelled.  It is due on the 20th, but I have 30 days to catch up on the previous month before it is cancelled.  I don't want to cancel it even though it is expensive, I don't think medicaid will cover as much and I don't qualify for medicare for another year, so you can see my problem.  I am trying to keep what I have until the medicare kicks in, then I will switch.  Unless something wonderful happens and I get a job that will pay for enough for medical insurance and day care for Mom.  There is no way I can leave her by herself all day.  That is a recipe for disaster, I will come home and she will be gone.  yeah, not a good idea!

I am heading for bed soon so I will end this now.  I hope your day was a great as mine!

Not much happening today, just the usual lesson.  It is Aggie's opposite week so she isn't having a lesson today, just Lily who was in a really good mood.  She usually is a happy girl, but today was just happier than normal.  It was a very fun lesson.  Mom was teasing her too.  She does so well with Mom.

I am going to get a gate for the front door so Mom can't get out.  Kathy has a couple (at least one for sure, maybe two).  She thinks she has a longer than a door one that I can put at the top of the stairs at night so Mom won't go down without me.  I explained it to her and she seemed to understand for now anyways, she will forget soon but I will remind her again.  That's what I am here for.  She is a happy girl today too.  Lily always brightens her up, most of my students do.  We are going to see Lily in her play Wednesday night.  There is a concert earlier before the play apparently so we will go a bit early to see the little kids.  Mom will like that.

I have to really decide what I want to do with my life.  Right now, I am just existing and getting by.  I don't like that feeling so I have to find new dreams.  I think when I lost the store, I lost my dreams.  So now I need new dreams.  Just existing to take care of Mom is not good.  I know she doesn't have any goals anymore, except to help me with mine.  I thought a lot last night about it.  I want to do what I originally planned before we lost the store.  Open a music school.  Right now wouldn't be good, but that doesn't mean I can't work on the details of it.  I don't want a store again.  I am not into the whole renting and selling of instruments, but I loved the teaching part of it.  That is what I lived for and the reason I got up in the morning.  I live for the moments I get to teach.  I am going to continue what I am doing right now, teach a few lessons, hopefully as the economy gets better I will get some more students and then open a school once things have improved.  There wouldn't be any point to it right now because lessons are so down because, I mean, really, a choice between lessons and paying bills, right, paying bills wins and I understand that.  But in the future!  A new school.  So I will begin the paperwork that I need to do: business plan, marketing plan, 501 c 3 papers (I plan to open a not for profit one - that way you can work with the libraries and the schools easier) so that in a year or 2 I will be able to move to a small building and begin.  I have enough experience with this, I just need the economy to accommodate my plans.  So that is the new goal and dream, that I can do.  Then, I won't need disability too, I will be able to support myself and Mom, not fancily, but enough for a vacation once a year, unlike now.  I feel so much better now that I know what I am going to do with my future.

It is suppose to snow soon, ugh!  (except for Christmas Eve and Day, of course)  I hope you are having a great day!

Saw old dogs (the movie) this afternoon.  Oh my gosh!  It was soooooo funny!  Mom and I laughed our butts off!  I know critics hated it and gave it like about 1/2 star but I loved it.  We need to definitely get this one when it comes out on DVD.  Speaking of DVDs, Harry Potter #6 comes out Tuesday!  I can't wait.  It is going to be a Christmas present from Mom to me so we can't watch it until after Christmas, not that I mind, I did see it 3 times in the movie theatre so a few more weeks won't kill me.  The chipmunks new movie comes out soon too, I want to see that.

Mom is doing pretty okay today.  I ordered a new book about the mid stages of Alzheimer's yesterday that should help me with where she is at.  I also found out that my friend Kathleen took care of her grandmother and she has the same thing!  So that is two people I can ask questions if I have any.  She loved the movie so I was very happy and excited about that.  I thought that she would.  She still understands quite a bit so she is easy to entertain with movies (going out to them, otherwise she falls asleep in the chair in the dining room)  I am working on a regular schedule for us so she won't get as confused as she can get.  She was a bit confused as usual this morning and opened the front door, but didn't go out.  She likes to check the weather in the morning by sticking her hand out the door, I hate it because I am afraid she will go out, but she does this every morning like clockwork, so what can I do?

Pain is medium today, my back is better than last week when my flare decided to go to my lower back and hips so that I couldn't even stand up straight.  From behind I must have looked pretty funny since I was so bent over.  Fortunately, it is almost over, the pain is in the middle of the lower back but I can stand straight up and walk normal, well, normal for me.

It snowed apparently last night and this morning.  I missed it!  yeah!  No snow for Heather!  I like snow on Christmas Eve and Day and that is about it.  Snow makes Mom very nervous which makes me nervous and driving is awful because she constantly is telling me how to drive.  Now, I know how to drive but if I say anything, there will be that time that I miss something and we will get in an accident, so I don't say anything I just bite my tongue.  It is best this way.

I hope you are having a snow free day and plenty of sunshine!

Mom was very frustrated this morning about her confusion.  She wanted to know why and I said it was a part of her memory loss issue.  She wanted to know more.  It is the first time she actually asked about it.  She wanted me to prepare her for what is coming and what she has.  I was surprised because usually I can get around those type of questions because she doesn't ask point blank like she did today.  So I told her about her Alzheimer's and what stage she is in and where she is heading.  She took it very well.  I mean, a few tears, but not many especially as I was crying through most of it.  She asked me to print off the paper with the stages and make her a book to keep track of things.  I usually keep track of her medicines and stuff in my head, but she wants to help by keeping it in a book.  So I will make her a book.  She wants to help with that too.  She wants to be involved I think.  I am not sure.  I am not sure what she can do because she can't do a whole lot anymore.  I told her that by the time she gets to stage 7 she would have no memory left.  She is in stage 5 now.  I hope to keep her here for a while.  I know she is going down and getting worse, but right now she can still enjoy things and have a good laugh at stuff.  That is what is important, that she enjoy things and have a good laugh now and again.  She knows that I will keep her with me as long as I possibly can and that I will still see her daily even when I am not with her all the time.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I had my monthly (sometimes bi-monthly) blood test this morning.  Ugh, she had to dig a bit to get it started.  I can clear a room of nurses just by signing in.  Such a useful talent - he he he.  At least it was only one poke this time.  I wasn't up for more, that is for sure.  

We should be getting our new roof soon, since I just paid the down payment on the bill.  Roofs are very expensive, at about $7100 for ours.  I was not happy that we needed another one already.  We got a new one in the early to mid 90's that apparently didn't have good work on it.  This one should last us until Mom is in a home which I had hoped would hold out until then (the roof I mean).  

It is supposed to rain then possibly snow tonight.  Since it is December, I am not minding the snow, come January and 80 degree weather can  come back.  Yes, I know, I live in MICHIGAN and that doesn't happen.  I am a dreamer what can I say??  I have a few Christmas presents left to make and then I have a couple of gift certificates to purchase and then I am done!!!  Yup, done!!!  I got Mom 2 DVD's and 1 season of Walker so she is set.  they are sitting in the Christmas box but she doesn't know that they are for her.  I am getting Army wives (yes, I picked it out.  Can you imagine a woman with dementia Christmas shopping?  I don't think so!) and we are going to the used bookstore this week to pick out a few things for me and then she is done with me.  I am getting Tillie a bookmark and making her an ornament.  I know she said NOT to get her anything, but oh well, too late.  Already made the plans.  She will have to deal.  Besides, she reads an awful lot and could use a good bookmark and everyone can always use more ornaments, especially the hand made type.

Mom is falling asleep next to me in her chair at the table.  We sit at the table a lot because the chair is comfortable for me and doesn't cause any extra pain and also because the TV is on the kitchen counter and not in the living room.  With 2 pianos (for teaching), there is no room for the TV in there.  Also, we have cable and that is only on one TV so we can't watch any others anyways.

Well, I am off to sew, sew, and sew while the hands are fine!  Have a great afternoon and if you get snow, enjoy it!  it is Christmas time!!!!!!!

I thought I would have 2 students today, but my old student who is coming back won't be here until next week.  Oh well, I am disappointment but I will see him next week.  At least I have a lesson today, unlike last week where I didn't for many days in a row.

I am working on Christmas presents today.  I am making ornaments for family and students.  It is a lot of fun.  

Mom hasn't gone outside without me now for a week.  I put a new sign on the front door to let her know I am upstairs.  It has worked so far.  She still wakes me up a lot, but she is at least in the house.  It is cold out now.  Winter has definitely arrived.  I got Mom's heavier coat out so maybe she won't freeze so easily.  Next will be the parka but it isn't cold enough for that yet.  Starting January I am sure I will be throwing it on her.

Not much else happening today.  Just more sewing!  I hope you have a great day!