Tonight is a strange night as I am here on my own in the dining room.  Mom is at Tillie's in Windsor and I will pick her up tomorrow.  Very very very strange.  Not sure I like it.  I miss Mom.  I know she just sits there a lot and doesn't say much, but we do speak with each other and have fun together even if her memory is going.  I have never really spent a lot of time at night in the house on my own.  Once last year when Mom was in the hospital and then Tillie came over and stayed with me and then Mom came home.  So it is the first since then.  I am to pick her up tomorrow evening after my afternoon with Kathy.  I am excited that Kathy is coming to visit her parents and I will get to see her.  It will be a first without Mom for the last few years too.  She doesn't interrupt the visit or anything, she just quietly eats and observes.  She is a good observer, that's what she is.  I have resisted the urge to call and check on her in case she is doing well and that would make her be upset.  Don't want that, that is for sure!  But overall, I will freely admit to being a Momma's girl and always have been and always will be.  At night I like to have someone else in the house with me, I feel safer but I guess that is not to be tonight.  I am heading to bed shortly as it is almost 9 pm.

Pain is a bit higher as the anxiety is a bit high over how Mom will do.  I also have a bit of anxiety over undressing and dressing myself as my shoulder is very sore today.  I will struggle, but I think I can do it.  Maybe I should have spent the night.  I don't know, it's too late now to change anything.  Mom is there and I am here and that is the way it is.  Who would have thought this would cause me anxiety?  I am relaxing, yes, that is it, I am going to get my book and go and read on my bed for a bit before I turn off the light.

I hope your evening is going well.  We shall see how my night turns out!  Perhaps some prayers are in order.  Good night!

It is sunny out again.  Yup, 4th day in a row here, and in March too!  What a nice surprise.  I also am trying to conquer Mt. Laundry with at least one load.  I have no choice as I have run out of socks and undies.  Time to do the laundry.  I will have to do another load too since my outer clothes are out too.  Ugh, hate to do the laundry.  Don't know why I hate it so much, it is easier now that I have baskets.  Much easier getting it up and down the stairs, plus Mom helps, so yeah, what's my problem?  

Mom ate beautifully at breakfast time.  She ate her donut and her muffin.  I was so pleased I could have spit.  Not that I would have as that would have been very bad manners, and well, I don't like bad manners.  But I was very happy and pleased with her.  Our neighbor/friend, Rosemary came to sit with us when she arrived so we had a nice chat and visit with her.  We see her there about once a week.   She lives down the street from me.  Very nice lady, very nice.  I think they are going to come to the cake and ice cream we will have for mom for our friends here in Michigan.  Most of them can't come to Windsor for the party.  I haven't heard from my relatives about the party yet so I don't know how many are coming.  I hope a lot.  It would be nice to see them again.  I haven't seen some of my cousins since Mom's last party 6 years ago.  Wow, 6 years ago, things were bright and sunny.  Well, things here are looking bright and sunny again too.  Still not sure what I am going to do once mom is in a home, but I have lots of time to figure it out.  She is sleeping on her chair again, as usual.  I think I will take a snooze as soon as the clothes go into the dryer which should be anytime now.  I am glad our dryer still works because 2 years ago we had to get a new washer.  From what I have heard, dryers last longer so I am holding on to this one as long as possible!!!!  That is for sure!

Not much happening today, I have one make up lesson, Zach, and then we are off to Windsor for the night.  We are going to Tillie's.  I have to remember her stuff, I forgot last time.  Oops.  Fibro fog!  I have a list of everything we need to bring.

I just paid off my bankruptcy lawyer.  Now all I need to do is copy all of the stuff they need.  I never thought I would need to file bankruptcy, never, not in a million years, but when we lost the store, we lost almost everything.  We are now in the process of rebuilding our lives.  It is hard at times and easy at times.  Kind of backwards in a way, but nevertheless, that is the way it is right now.  I have less stress (believe it or not) since we lost the store, although, it isn't like there isn't any stress, I just have less because I am not trying to save the store.  One of my former employees, near the end, said that she was mad I was trying to save the business, now she wishes we had saved it because she expected (like me) to get a job right away and it took her a year and a 1/2 before she got one.  I, at least, do have disability and a few students that pay.  Most of the students I have are from the store except the new ones.  I am thankful for what I do have and the one thing I do have is time with Mom.  Nobody else has that but me, and I feel bad for my brothers because they are missing out on what's left of Mom.  Soon she won't remember anyone and that's what they will get to see because they are so far away.  She is doing well right now though, so I am sooooo glad about that.  We are going to take a day trip and visit Andrew in London (Ontario, not England) soon, if the weather holds up.  Mom and Andrew will like that.  He is in school right now so his schedule is much tighter than ours.

I hope your day is good, mine is so far!  yeah sun!!!!!!!!!

Calli and Debbie had their lessons today!  Calli forgot her book but I had another book for her to use.  She doesn't really use the books because I play it for her and then she copies it from me.  She does really well with the two hands together, she gets nervous to play both hands together, but she does real well.  I just love her spirit and her eagerness to learn.  Acer wants to learn too, he feels he is old enough now.  He is just 5 and adorable and so fun.  He is so excited about music in general.  He is disappointed with me because I can't find the lap harp, I don't blame him.  I thought I knew where it was and it wasn't there.  I was disappointed.  He likes to play with the violin when he comes over for Calli's lesson.  He figured out within minutes of where to pluck the notes so it will sound the best.  I mean, he's 5!  He knows this stuff right away.  He and his sister are simply amazing kids.  

I am watching 7th Heaven.  I love this show.  I have seen almost every episode I think.  Mom likes it too when she is awake.  Right now she is watching the show but a few minutes ago her eyes were closed.  This is a good episode where Wilson's son, Billy, asks Mary if he can call her Mommy because he's never had a Mommy and he wants one.  Heartbreak moment!!!!!!!!

My friend, Donna is home from the hospital after back surgery.  She seems to be doing alright and improving.  I am glad.  She is in such pain all day.  The doctors say she will eventually be in less pain because of the surgery.  I hope so.  She can now walk with the help of a walker and a person which is better than she had been because she was practically bedridden since November.  I haven't seen her in person since then.  I can't wait to see her again.  I think next week during the day we are going to stop by with the Tim Horton's coffee she hasn't had since November and visit with her in person.  That would be great.  Her granddaughter, Sam, plays the trumpet and she is really good.  She is a junior this year and can't wait to be finished with high school in general.  I remember that feeling real well.  There isn't enough money in the world to have me go back and repeat high school, even with what I know today.  It would not be worth it.  I mentioned today that some schools give partial music scholarships just for playing in the band even if they aren't music majors.  She will probably major in some science, she is really interested and good in the subjects.  I think she is taking about 3 or 4 science classes right now in school.

I met a friend for lunch this afternoon and it was fun.  I haven't seen her in person for a few months.  She is working a lot of hours at her job.  She rarely sees her son these days because she is so busy.  I see her son once a week for his lesson so I probably see him more than she does some days.  Her husband is out of work right now.  I hope he finds a job soon.  

Tomorrow is not going to be a busy day, we will go to our usual Tim Horton's at around noon and then I have to do a load of laundry because I am running out of clothes and we are spending the night in Windsor since Mom has an early Friday morning appointment.  I am not looking forward to that.  I don't sleep well anywhere except home but it is best for Mom so she doesn't miss the appointment.  We actually have 2 appointments on Friday, one at 8:30 and the other at 3:30.  Right around rush hour traffic time.  Mom is the worst when we go through rush hour traffic.  She is definitely the back seat driver even though she can't drive herself.  I just grin and bear it because if I say something it will just hurt her feelings and that would be bad.  Besides, with my luck I say something and that will be the day I will miss something that she doesn't and we will crash.  Not good all around, so I just comment to myself about this.

Well, I better end this as it is very long tonight.  I hope your day was as good as mine and in less pain.  Pain is a bit high right now but I will take a pain pill and it will go back to normal!

It is again a beautiful day outside, right before we get hit with rain.  I am not sure which is worse, rain or snow.  Snow means cold and so does rain, so yeah, it could be both.  We just got back from our daily breakfast.  I take mom to Tim Horton's everyday to get her out of the house, otherwise, she wouldn't leave at all.  I have 3 lessons today, it was supposed to be 4, but Katie cancelled until next week, something about ACT tests and stuff.  Must study, which she needs to do well on and I hope she does.  These ACT tests are difficult.  I know, I took it back when I was in high school trying to get into a college.  I did okay, nothing spectacular on them, and I got in to college.  Not that the degrees I have have done much for me, but I do have them.

Other than lessons, not much going on.  Not sure what we are going to have for dinner.  I just realized that we aren't going to be here Thursday night so maybe I should cook what I have in the fridge so it doesn't go bad.  I am very tired today.  I woke up early for no reason.  No reason what soever.  I even woke up before Mom.  She is awake in her chair today, not really dozing like she usually does, although she looks tired.

I can take my blood thinner medicine again, so I guess my blood is back to normal.  Thank goodness, of course, I do have another test on Monday, but I get a week before it.  I hope the bruise is gone by then because that is the arm I like them to do the test with as the left arm/shoulder are in a lot of pain all the time.  The right arm is normal.

It is an okay day today as far as pain is concerned.  I do hope to do some cleaning up in the dining room, I want to put the spring table cloth on the table and I need to clean it off to do it.  We still have the Christmas one on.  Silly me!  I keep meaning to take it off, I have table cloths for every holiday except St. Patrick's Day (too close to Easter) and Valentine's Day got ignored as far as table cloths go.  I found a neat Christmas craft i would like to start.  Not sure if I will start today or later this weekend.  We shall see.

I hope your day is good and beautiful outside.  Although my friend, Barb, posted on face book that it was raining where she is.  Hope it stops and the sun comes out!!!!!

It is another beautiful sunny day here in Michigan.  (a nice change from the snowy February we had).  March, so far, has been nice as far as the weather is concerned.

I had the monthly lesson for the girls today.  They are doing so well.  All three of them are learning Fur Elise.  I forgot to bring the rest of the song to them.  Oops!  In my defense, I did ask them to face book me a message to remind me to bring it and they forgot.  Yup, all three of them forgot for the entire month, so it isn't just me.

After their lessons, I had two more and that is the end of the marathon of lessons that I love.  Tomorrow is 3 lessons and 2 on Wednesday.  If only I had more.  

My taxes should be done soon.  I can wait for them to be done because you don't pay income tax on disability and I earn so little with lessons that I will have to pay a small amount.  So I have it pretty easy.  

My big bruise on the right arm is getting better.  It doesn't look as scary as it did last week.  Stupid blood test.  Speaking of which, I had the third one this week this morning, and I mean morning.  Ugh, is that what morning looks like?  He he he.  I am not a morning person, not crabby or anything, just not with it.  Fibro fog is bad first thing in the morning around here.  I actually got up before Mom did.  That in itself is unusual.

Mom ate okay today, well, okay for her.  She had both her muffin and her donut with a pint of milk and some lunch (since we were up early I fed her and myself lunch) and some dinner.  She had a couple of tablespoons of pork roast (which I roasted in the crock pot!!) and 3 small carrots and 1 small potato.  She ate everything.  She will have an ensure later tonight before we go to bed.  She drinks about a 1/2 of one with her medicine at night so she ends up with either 1 1/2 or 2 1/2.

Head is normal today, just its usual dull roar, so I am happy about that.  We aren't doing much this evening.  We have to go to Walmarts for some ensure for Mom and medicine for me and her.  I have to turn in a refill and get some sleep stuff for Mom and Tylenol PM for me.  We are out.  

I hope your day is good.  Just a reminder, if you get a chance to look at the online NFA FMaware magazine, here is the link, so go take a look!

 http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/fma/fibromyalgiaaware_2009winter_v2/  

It is very nice and warm outside for a change.  I hope it stays.  I am tired of the white stuff falling and sticking to the ground, although we still have some snow despite the warm weather.  It is really sunny out too, how can we get so lucky about that.

My head is pretty bad today, not real happy about that, so it is a good thing that Tillie was unable to come over after all.  She is having a bad day and has tons of homework.  I will see her next week though because she is coming for a week to help organize.  Won't that be fun?  Not!  Yet, it needs to be done so badly.  I wonder how Mom will react.  She flips when we throw things out.  She is sleeping in her chair as usual.  I will take her upstairs shortly when I go to lay down and rest my aching head.

I have six CDs to copy for my students.  I don't give out original CDs because they often come back broken or ruined and then you have to buy the book and the CD all over because generally the CDs aren't sold separately.  It is a drag, let me tell you.  I copied the music into my computer yesterday so all i have to do it burn them on to a CD which I bought today.  I had a coupon for $10 off!  yeah!  So I got 40 CDs for about $20.  Very good price around here.  Don't know what it is like at your place, but it is a good price for us.  I got extras too so I won't have to go and get any in a long while.  

Mom ate pretty well for breakfast for a change.  She ate both her donut and her muffin and even drank some milk!  Yeah for Mom!  If only she ate like that every day.  It must be hard on her because she isn't really hungry anymore.  I have looked up some info and I guess it is normal at this stage of the game.  I don't really like any of the stages so I can't say I have a favorite, but she is okay between 12 and 5 and more confused before noon and after 5.

I talked briefly to Richard yesterday, he had to go and he was supposed to call me back.  Don't worry, I didn't expect him too.  He rarely does.  It would have been nice if he did though, because I want to know how he is doing.  He doesn't offer info you have to ask him.  I guess the kids are fine, I did ask and he said they are doing well and waiting for summer to arrive.  William will be 9 in a couple of weeks.  I have his birthday cards for him from me and Mom.  We got them when I got the cutest Donald duck in the world.  It is so cute.  He is dressed as a bunny and sings and when you lift him by the ears, he hollers!  It is great.  Aggie wants one just like it, she said so yesterday!

I think I am going to lay down for a while now.  I hope you enjoy your day and that it is warm and sunny!!!

I just finished the two lessons for the day!  I am also cooking the corned beef, cabbage, and red potatoes!  It smells so good.  I snitched a couple of pieces (I cut them into small pieces) of corned beef and a piece of potato.  They tasted good already and made me hungry for dinner.  Too bad it is only 2:15 pm!  Not time for dinner!  Tillie is coming tomorrow for dinner.  I think I will make the pork roast, at least at this point I do.  We shall see what I feel like tomorrow!

Lily and Aggie did really well this week.  Lily finished up a piece and has 2 almost done.  Aggie got 2 new songs for the spring concert.  One is from Little Women and the other from Mary Poppins (the Broadway).  I love both songs, they are so cool.  Aggie seemed to like them a lot too.  

Mom is doing alright today.  She ate a muffin for breakfast is about to have an ensure.  It is almost time for her afternoon snack.  She gets them a couple of times a day depending on how much dinner and breakfast she eats.  We don't eat lunch because we aren't really up in time for breakfast, we usually eat between 11 and noon, so that is our breakfast.  She does real well during lessons, she sits in the living room and listens to the students.  I think she enjoys it.  I don't really know if she does or doesn't, except she doesn't cry during them, so that is why I think she likes them.  We have to go out soon to buy a smoke detector for the upstairs, ours is broken.  Must think safety first!!!!!  Always!  I know Mom won't know what to do with it should it go off, but I do know and that is what counts.

I have a bit of a headache today, not a super bad one, but a bit bad, a little bit more than the usual one.  It's been about 6 years since i didn't have a headache.  I don't remember what it was like.  Kinda strange to think about.  A head that doesn't hurt.  What a phenomenon!  I try not to think about what could be, what could have been, and what was, because there is no point and it makes me sad.  It's like with Mom, why dwell on the past when she could do stuff that she can't do know.  It does no good.  

On to better topics.  It is so beautiful out today!!!!!!!!!  Sunshine and 50 degrees!  What a beautiful combination for March 6.  I am happy about it that is for sure.

I talked to Richard (the older brother) today!  Yeah!  I just simply adore my older brother.  I miss him so much.  Actually, I miss both of my brothers, but at least I got to see the younger one at Christmas time.  I hope to fly out this summer to see Richard and his family.  He has two kids who are simply awesome.  We shall see what summer brings.

Well, I hope your day is going good and that the sun is out where you are!!!

What a day, it is sunny out!!!!  Yeah sun!!  I like sunny days best.  It warmed the car up so Mom was actually not cold for a change.  It was a nice change.  We had to do some grocery shopping, the worst type, but I needed the veggies for the meat we got yesterday from Tillie.  She gave us a some roast beef and corned beef.  We are having the corned beef tomorrow, I love that stuff so much.  I can't find it where we shop, I am hoping as it gets closer to St. Patrick's Day that they will have some.  I will buy a little bit extra to freeze for another time.  I also bought a pork roast.  Yup, I am becoming more domesticated.  Write that down in history, Heather wants to cook.  Of course, this is all using my crock pot and not anything else.

I had the second blood test of the week this afternoon.  It only took 1 try so boy, was I glad about that.  My other arm finally stopped bleeding (bruising) sometime during the night and it looks just awful.  At least it doesn't hurt, I am thankful for that.  Thank goodness I wear long sleeves most of the time so no one will have to look at it and flip out on me.

I don't have sewing today because of the blood test.  Last time I waited a really long time before they did the test.  Most nurses won't try me because my veins are hard to find.  I don't mind because I don't like more than one poke, so we waited and waited.  We didn't wait too long but enough where I would have been extremely late for sewing so it was best just to cancel it.  I miss my girls though.  I will see them Monday for their piano lessons.  I have no lessons today but I have 2 tomorrow!  My Aggie and Lily!  I am excited about the new song for Aggie and the new book for Lily.  I haven't heard if the CD is in for Aggie's book yet.  It has been over a week now.  I should have ordered it with Charlie's music instead of from the store.  If it isn't in by next week I will order it from pepper music.  They send the music right to your house, so it is very convenient.

I am pretty tired today, I think I am gonna take a nap after I finish this.  3 days in a row of getting up early is very hard on me.  My head hurts a bit more than usual but I took a pain pill so it should go back to normal soon.  I hope you are having a good day.

We are back from the assessment.  Mom will officially be put on the list as soon as I fill in my choices.  I can have up to 3.  We will have a worker out to help mom with the bath and hair once a week.  Finally!  We have some help!  I can help her with a sponge bath, but to get her in the tub is a nightmare for the both of us.  I just am not strong enough to make her feel safe, so we sponge bath instead.  It works for us.  Mom did pretty well, I mean, as well as she can.  She couldn't answer any questions, but I didn't expect her too either.  That is beyond what she is capable of doing.  As usual, Mom is sleeping in her chair.  If I could stay awake at night, I would see what she does at night, but I am usually sleeping and she stays in her bed.  She did wake up super early today, but I put her right back into bed and she stayed until she heard me get up.  It is so beautiful this new pattern.  I am enjoying every minute of the new pattern because you never know when it could end.  It was tiring for me this meeting.  I was so tense because I can't predict what Mom will do, will she be nice or will she cry?  Who knows?  She doesn't make eye contact with me much anymore when she speaks to me.  She really only speaks to me if I speak to her first.  It is like she can't think of anything to say, and she probably can't.  She did well and didn't cry when the word nursing home came up and during the questions, it came up a lot.  I don't think she knows what that is anymore which is good since eventually she will be in one.  the lady said it could be a couple of years unless I burn out and can't take it anymore, then they call it critic and the put her in the first one that is available.  I have to go and check out a few.  Not really happy about that.  I would rather not see them, but in doing my best for Mom I will.  These things make me really sad and depressed.

Surprisingly, the pain level isn't as high as I thought it would be considering the tense situation, so I am pleased with myself on that.  My head is a bit sore, but I knew it would be because of the tenseness of the meeting.  The lady was very nice and helpful, don't get me wrong, it the subject of the meeting that causes me to be tense.

My arm bruise is growing from the blood test I had yesterday.  It is still fresh looking so I know I am still bleeding under the skin.  It took a while for the blood to stop on the outside too, when I stop to think about it.  I am not happy about tomorrow's test because it will be in the extremely sore arm and it will hurt like the dickens.  I don't do well with tests in that arm anymore because of the stiff shoulder and arm pain.  The pain runs down the front of my forearm and ends at the elbow, exactly where the tourniquet will go tomorrow.  Yeah.  I will make sure I have an empty tummy for this one so the pain doesn't make me throw up.

Well, I am heading up to bed now, have to get up earlier for said test and we all know how I feel about mornings to begin with!  yuck!!!  That's what I think about mornings!  I hope your day went well and your morning will go good too!

I have to post again, I am so excited.  Calli had her first lesson with me and did phenomenal!!!  She is very talented.  I asked her about how she learned in china and discovered that they didn't really do a lot of both hands.  No problem.  We started right away with both hands.  She learned two songs today and will be practicing during the week until next Wednesday at about 4:30.  Her younger brother, Acer, was fascinated by the violin I had his Mom dig out for him.  He loves everything musical.  I mean, everything.  He also wanted to know where the lap harp was, I had to sadly tell him I still don't know where it is.  I hope to find it soon.  But he perked when I told him about a violin.  He wiggled and jumped.  It was really cute.  So he was entertained during Calli's lesson and quiet.  Well, as quiet as the handsome young man gets.  he didn't distract Calli and I, and that was the important thing.

My older girls are going to love these two tons!

More after next weeks lesson.

I had my usual blood test today and they have to redo it on Friday. So now, of course, I am thinking, is there something wrong? Too thin, too thick? I am supposed to stop taking coumiden too until then. So yeah, okay, what's up with that?

I think today I will have Calli's first lessons. I sure hope so. Her poor mom has been ill for two weeks so I am hopeful for today. We shall find out in about 2 hours. I can't wait. I have the books and CDs ready for her. I also found a neat website that has braille music. How cool is that? So once we start I will know what we need. Also, I ordered Charlie some new solos and the music is in, it came in this afternoon. I know, why couldn't it have come in yesterday when my boy was here? Because I didn't order it until Friday night and they shipped it Monday. Silly me, you would think I would have a better sense of timings my orders. I hope Aggie's CD is here by Saturday, I ordered those last Wednesday so I am hopeful that they will be here in time for her lesson. I can't wait for her to sing the new song I picked out for her.

My computer is still frozen on sleep so I, again, am using Mom's. I realized yesterday that it would be the perfect opportunity to make this months newsletter as she has publisher and I don't have it for Mac. Have I done that. Duh, no. I am planning on fixing that this evening. I have some pictures from competition and from the benefit concert to add to the newsletter. It should be a nifty one. I love making these things. Hmm, wouldn't it be cool if I got a job editing newsletters? I have done that before and loved every minute of it. I did it for about 6 years. I could do it again! I even worked at home with it so that would be even better because then there is no worries about who'll take care of Mom. I can and work at the same time!!!! I think I will look into that for a job. I know jobs are awfully scarce in these parts right now.

Not much happening today outside of the one lesson and the newsletter. We were at the docs earlier today and waited an hour for my blood test. The nurse was a new one, she was smart, got someone who can get me as soon as I mentioned I am hard to get. I don't do well with several pokes you know. With fibro, the tourniquet hurts really really bad, not the needle so much, although that hurts too, but the tourniquet is the worse. I thought I was going throw up it hurt so bad today. And to top it off, they can only use one arm because of the pain that is continuous in the left arm. It is practically frozen now. I can only use it a bit. I hope the cycle of pain it is in moves on soon, I am tired of not moving the arm well. I need both arms.

Speaking of pain, did anyone get a chance to look at the online magazine for the NFA? I did and it looks real good. Here is the link again! http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/fma/fibromyalgiaaware_2009winter_v2/

Please check it out and let them (NFA) if you like it. It is just another way for us to keep the highway of information going!!!!

I do hope your day is going well. Mine isn't too bad, minus the extra pain from the blood test, and I am looking forward to Calli's lesson.