Monday 11-29

Seems weird that November is almost over.  I can't believe it.  Sometimes, time flies, other times is crawls.  I can't believe it has been 7 weeks since I last spoke to Mom and 6 weeks since she died.  I am doing alright with it.  Sometimes I cry, mostly I don't.  I am just very sad most of the time.  I don't really enjoy a whole lot of stuff right now, but I am not expecting myself too though either.  I know that I will miss Mom a lot for a while, and then I will just miss her less as time goes on.  I never gave it any thought about life without Mom, I lived in a bubble.  I just expected my Mom to be there always.

It isn't so bad today.  I had a sad moment when I realized that it has been 6 weeks since I last saw her alive, but it didn't last too long.  I wonder how many more Mondays will the thoughts of Mom cross my mind?  I don't mean for it too, but it does.  I just miss the little lady a lot, even the one she turned into with Alzheimer's.  I wish Lily could have known her when she was very healthy and herself.  I am glad that Lily, Emily, and Elyse all got to know her, even if she did have Alzheimer's, but I wish they could have seen the vibrant woman she was.  She was something, let me tell you.  She was a pistol.  She laughed a lot with me.  She was very funny.  In July, when we went to see Kathy, a bit of her came out because all of a sudden Kathy looked at Mom and asked, "Are you teasing me?"  Mom smiled and nodded.  That was Mom.  She never teased meanly though, never.  She would do gently teasing because she knew that teasing could get out of hand.  She was just so much fun at times.  Yes, there were times when she wasn't, but overall, she was a lot of fun.  I have more pictures of her to scan and post.  I can't wait to do them.  I know we have more, I just have to find them.

Lily is possibly coming next weekend to decorate the house.  I am not sure exactly what we are going to do, but I know we aren't doing the outside, because I don't have the lights and I don't have the money for the electricity either so no outside lighting this year.  Perhaps another year I will, but this year is a minimum year due to the mourning I am in.  I don't wish to make mourning an excuse for anything, but I am not sure I am ready for over the top decorating I like to do.  We shall see.

I had 4 lessons today.  It was great.  I have the appointment for the lawyer on Wednesday at 11 am.  Julie, like I have said, will be coming with me.  I am excited to be so close to finishing up this.  I really am.  It has been a long 2 1/2 years that I have been working on this.  I need this to be so over so that I can move on from it.

Tomorrow is the phone interview with the other studio.  I do hope to impress them and do well.  I really need new students in order to pay my bills.  Yes, I know I have to trust that God will provide and show me the way, but so far, I think this is it.  The first parts went so smoothly so I am hopeful.  If it doesn't work out, we shall see what else is out there.

I hope your day is going well.  I am sad today.  I was fine while people are here, but I am sad when they all go home.  I am still getting used to being on my own.  It will get easier I am sure, it is just hard right now, it has only been 6 weeks.  I wonder how the boys are doing with this?

Sunday 11-28

I had lunch with Kathy today.  It was fun.  We went to one of our usuals, Red Lobster for their soup and salad combo.  It is so yummy.  Fresh shrimp on the salad, romaine lettuce (I can't eat the iceberg so I always ask for no iceberg lettuce on all my salads), cucumbers, what can I say?  The soup in a bread bowl! Yeah, just simply scrumptious!  Kathy and I always end up getting the same thing, rather weird how we have always done that, but we do.  Almost everywhere we go we get the same thing most times.  We have very similar tastes!  We do like a lot of the same things.  After lunch we went to Walmart's. I now have most of my shopping done!  Yup, I am rather glad about that.  I just have 3 more things to buy and I am done.  Richard, Jennifer and 1 more and that is it.  I also picked up a gravy boat.  Ours died many years ago unfortunately, now I have one.  I am actually very thrilled about it.  It was $5 and it is white so it goes with any set of dishes.  I don't like using measuring cups for gravy.  It is just tacky, but when you don't have a gravy boat, what can you do?  Not much, that is for sure but now I have one and that is great!

I am working on copying the rest of the paperwork for  the lawyer for the bankruptcy.  I can't wait to get this over with.  This will be the last of the remnants of the store stuff.  A new beginning with better results, I hope.  I have someone coming with me so that I have another set of ears listening to what I am being told and the answers to my questions.  I have ever so many in my head that I hope I remember them all.  I have a friend who has a few too.  I am thankful for that.

I was really missing Mom last night after everyone left.  I had a few tears because I was alone again.  Not so many tears today, almost in the car with Kathy, but I held them back after a few seconds.  I am trying to find my purpose in life now that Mom is gone.  I loved taking care of her, I really did.  I lived for that at times.  I felt important and now I don't feel so important.  Actually, I don't feel important at all right now.  I haven't since I finished taking care of stuff for Mom.  The hours that I teach I feel purposeful, but not the rest of the day, then I feel unimportant and no purpose.  I don't like this feeling.  I have to find a new purpose for the rest of my day, but I haven't yet.  It is very slow progress.  Sometimes I feel like I make some, then I feel I haven't made any.  I do hope that soon I will feel like I have made much progress and find a new purpose in life because right now, I don't feel like I have one right now.

Pain level is a bit high this afternoon for my headache this afternoon.  My neck is a bit stiff too for some odd reason.  I don't usually have a neck ache but I do today.  I think I am just stressed.  I hope your day is better.

Saturday 11-27

Cathy left this afternoon about 2ish.  Hayley arrived at about 1 and left about 4ish.  It was so fun to have Cathy here for the week.  I enjoyed the afternoon with Hayley.  It was very nice.  I am looking forward to see Kathy H tomorrow.  I pick her up and then off to brunch we go!  What fun that will be.  She will be going home tomorrow afternoon so I will only get her for a few hours, but that is okay.  I will take what I can get.

My cousins are going to my Uncle's next week too.  I am very excited about it.  I haven't had a family together with this much family except for the funeral and the burial services and that was the first time in months.  The first time in years was Mom's birthday party.

Cathy and I talked so much while we were together.  It was great to have someone to talk to that is easy going mostly.  She talked about taking my time going through Mom's stuff and not rushing into anything.  I agree.  That is what I am going to do.  I plan to start going through Mom's room in January.  I am going to take care of clothes first and then finish with what is in her drawers.  Some of the stuff that is in there is actually mine.  I need to put her bed back together with the mattress off the floor.  We moved the mattress off of the bed frame for safety for the little lady.  She needed to be lower to the bed since she had a hard time getting in her bed after a while.  Couldn't have her lying on the floor which is where I found her 2 times before we moved the mattress.  Bob was generous enough to help me.  I will clean out the end of her bed first.  There are boxes of clothes on her bed right now that I need to check and make sure nothing of mine is in there.  I don't think there is, but you never know.

I miss her so much sometimes that it still hurts.  It isn't such the gut wrenching pain that I had when she first passed away, but it is still enough to bring up tears at times.  I wrote out all the thank you notes yesterday.  I cried for the first few I did because I was sad I had to do them, I was sad at the reason I had to do them.  I mean, I want my mom. plain and simple.  At least I am comforted that I will see her again someday and then we will be together and never parted again.  She is waiting for me.  The lady at Tim Horton's told me she was so sorry about my mom.  She hasn't seen me since my mom passed so she couldn't tell me.  I think she is the owner's aunt.  She is a very nice lady.  I had tears in my eyes because I still choke up when someone tells me how sorry they are.  I don't mind though because I would rather Mom not be forgotten.  She never will by me.

All in all, it was an enjoyable week and I am so glad my cousin, Cathy was able to come and that my cousin, Hayley was able to come today.  I hope your day is good too.

the day after Thanksgiving

I survived Thanksgiving without the little Momma.  Yup, Cathy and I had a enjoyable time.  It was very nice.  I am very glad she is here.  She went shopping last night and this morning while I slept.  I don't like shopping and I can't stand in lines, so no real shopping for me.  Unless I have my scooter or they have one, forget about it, can't really do it.

I made Cornish hens for dinner last night.  We demolished those right up.  We each had one.  Boy were they good.  They were still a bit frozen so I had to cook them a bit longer and then I had to microwave them at the very end.  Next time, I will do the water way of thawing those type birds.  Lately, the last few times I made them we had this issue.  I don't get it.  You have to thaw them in the fridge, which I did, I pulled them out on Monday and they were still frozen by Thursday.  Whatever, they are gone now.  I also made a cake for dessert.  We have plenty left over for today and tomorrow.  We also had the usual, stuffing, veggies, and mashed potatoes.  I did buy scalloped potatoes, but changed my mind on that.

I can't wait to find out what all Cathy got shopping.  I am sure she will let me know when she wakes up.  I am not waking her as she was awake all day yesterday and all night last night.  I got up at 5:30 to visit mother nature and she wasn't back yet, so you know she must be exhausted.  She has a long drive home tomorrow too, so she needs her sleep.

I am missing Mom a lot today, I did yesterday too.  It seems rather unfair that I should be here having a nice Thanksgiving and she isn't here to enjoy it with us.  So unfair.  I hope this Holiday season isn't too bad for me.  I feel kind of weepy this afternoon.  I just miss her so much.  My companion is gone as well as my mother.  I don't know how my friends who have lost their moms do it, but I will learn I suppose.

We did see Harry Potter yesterday.  It was good.  I wasn't as thrilled about it as I was before Mom died, but that is to be expected, I think.  It was an enjoyable movie.  We both liked it.  What we both didn't like is we have to wait until summer to see the rest.  Unfair!  Although, I agree, it had to be split or you would miss so much.  I really do think they should have split books 4, 5, and 6 also as they were big too and you missed a lot in the movies.

Pain hasn't been too bad with the weather getting colder.  I am hopeful it will stay this way.  Today, though, I have a bad headache.  I took a pain pill so I hope it works soon because it is really bad.

I hope your day is good.

Day Before Thanksgiving

I went to Lily's school for Grandparents/Special Friends Day.  It was a cool, fun experience.  First we were in her classroom and we filled in a sheet talking about when we were in 7th grade.  Boy, it is hard remembering that long ago.  We wrote about our classes we had, what music we listened to, who were the stars of the day, what was technology like (no cell phones or VCR or DVDs), and what TV shows were like.  I vaguely remember watching Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, Fantasy Island, and the Love Boat.  We watched those regularly, rare did we miss them because, if you did, you missed the forever.  Well, not now of course, but back then you did.  I only remembered one singer from junior high days and that was Pat Benatar.  I remember really liking her.  Kathy got her record for Christmas one year, I remember and we listened to it all the time.  Then we went to the science room for an experiment.  That was cool.  The kids had did this particular one yesterday.  We made brass.  We took a copper penny and put zinc on it and then heated it up.  It changed into brass.  It was really cool and Lily did everything expertly.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I am glad my cousin, Cathy is here for the week, although I am missing some yummy homemade food from Julie.  Another time.  She has been with me since Monday and it is nice to have someone here who doesn't have expectations of me.  We have talked a lot, especially about Mom.  She has done a bit of shopping too.  She is shopping right now.  She should be back soon which is good since I am really hungry and am waiting to go to Tim Horton's.  I am simply really hungry right now.  I won't see Kathy until Sunday which is fine, it fits her schedule.  She wants to see a movie too so that will be fun.  I think Cathy and I are going to see a movie tomorrow in the early afternoon.  I am so tired right now I could nap.  Getting up early 2 days in a row is exhausting.  I just woke up early yesterday, I don't know why.  I did sleep better since someone else was in the house with me.  I wasn't really tired all day yesterday but I am today.  I got up even earlier today.  Maybe I will take a nap while I wait for Cathy to arrive.  We shall see.

I am missing Mom a lot today.  I had to turn off the Christmas CD in the car I was listening too.  I couldn't do it.  I don't think I will have Christmas music on this year.  It makes me too sad.  Maybe a different day would be okay, but not today.

My friend, Stacey posted that today was the 9th anniversary of losing her Mom.  9 years, that is simply awful.  I can't even imagine.  She takes care of her Dad, he has Alzheimer's like Mom did only he is in the early stages.

I haven't heard from Richard so I don't know if I am going for Christmas yet or not.  I also haven't heard from the marketing company yet either.  I will follow up on that next week since it will be two weeks at that point.  Maybe I should submit another application and resume.  Hard to say what to do.

I hope your day is good.

more pictures to show of us.

me, Mom, Andrew in 1979

My Friends, Donna, Julie, Me, Mom at my birthday 1993

Me, Cinderella, Mom in 2008.  We had dinner with Cinderella to celebrate all of our birthdays.  Since I turned 40 that year, and was in the hospital on my birthday, I chose to celebrate it in Disney.

Andrew, Mom, Me in 1974 at Algonquin Park in Ontario.  Richard was on the trip too, but I think he took the picture.  Aren't I funny waving to him?

My favorite picture of Mom and I.  We have the same smile in this picture.  Mom always said I was her carbon copy.  It's kind of the family joke.  When I was younger, my brothers would always say, you aren't mom when I tried to tell them what to do.

Me, Richard, Mom around 1996 at Christmas 

Mom in Woodsleigh in Prince Edward Island.  Mom and I had a blast going to the land of Anne of Green Gables, my favorite series and the birthplace of Lucy Maud Montgomery, my favorite author.  We had so much fun on our two week trip.  I had always hope we would go back, but someday I will.

Mom and I in Mexico in 2003.  We went on a cruise to three ports on the west side of Mexico.  It was a really good trip.  Our trips usually were fun as we had so much in common.  When we went on vacation together you never know what would happen.

I started going on vacations with Mom when I came home from the 4th or 5th trip I went on with my friends and cried.  Most of the vacations I went with my friends, I cried when I got home.  My Mom asked if I would consider going on vacation with her.  I said okay, very skeptically.  The first one we went on to the Wisconsin Dells and the House on the Rock.  Mom had been there before and really wanted me to see the house on the rock.  It was the coolest thing ever.  The house was actually built on a rock.  It had the most amazing rooms as they were filled with instruments that were played automatically by robot type things.  It was just awesome.  It was the beginning of me getting sick, so walking was a bit hard as we had to walk up hill through out the house.  We were gone for about 10 days and I didn't cry once.  It was great.  We had a wonderful time.  We laughed so much and just talked about everything.  There wasn't anything I couldn't tell her.  She kept all my confidences too.  She never told a soul about anything I said.

I have more pictures that have been found that need to be scanned.  I will start this weekend after my cousin leaves to go home.  I plan to do more next week while I finish the paperwork that needs to be finished too.  I plan to finish the paperwork on Sunday so that I can make an appointment for next week to get this all taken care of.

I hope you had a good day.

fighting with the insurance day

I called the homeowner's insurance yesterday because they cancelled our policy.  When I called to tell them about Mom's death, they said all I had to do was send in her certificate and a copy of the trust and they would just switch names on the policy.  Well, apparently not.  They have totally cancelled.  Now I had thought that it was cancelled already, but apparently I do have some time.  It doesn't cancel until December 20, so yeah, for that.  So I called the insurance agent because the quote I got from the company was really high, like triple what I paid with the little lady here.  It is amazing how much stuff has to be done because my little Momma has gone.  If I wished she were here then, you can only imagine how much I wish she were here now!  So the agent is going to shop around and see about what prices we can get.  I hope to get something shortly that isn't too expensive.  Ugh, this is a nightmare that keeps on going at times.

I have to pick up 2 more certificates for Mom because I don't have any left.  I should have gone with my first instinct which was to get 4, it would have been much cheaper than getting more now and they would be paid for!

Cousin Cathy is here.  We were up until after midnight last night.  Yup, little me was up that late.  We were talking, using the computer (she brought hers to keep in contact with her children), and all around doing fine.  I would say I am enjoying myself as best as I can.  She doesn't expect me to be the happy go lucky girl I once was, which is a nice relief.  She doesn't expect me to be over my mom yet.  She wants me to take my time and do things at my own pace.  What a relief!  I don't have to put on the fake happy face.  I can be myself.  Sometimes when I am out, I feel I have to put on the fake happy face.  We are heading out in a few to go to the usual and also to Verizon Wireless to change over the account to my name only from mom's name.

I got up earlier than usual today despite my late night going to bed.  I have to get up early tomorrow because I am going to Lily's school.  Should be a good time.  I am looking forward to it.  Then who knows what Cathy and I will be doing.  She wants to do a bit of shopping for Christmas.  I already have William and Abigail's presents ready.  They just have to be shipped.  I have to get 2 gift certificates for Richard and Jennifer to add to the package, but other than that I am almost done.  The last thing I need to get are the gifts for my students.  Generally, I make their presents, some sort of homemade ornaments for them, but this year I am just not up to it.

Well, we are on our way out!  It should be a good day.  I do have 2 students later!!!!

Monday 11-22

My cousin, Cathy is on her way to see me!  I am so excited about that!  She is planning to be here for the rest of the week.  I only have a few lessons during the week so it will work out well.  I also will be at Lily's school for Wednesday morning.

For Thanksgiving I am making Cornish hens.  Ooh, I have to take them out of the freezer.  Be right back.  There, it is done.  I have been meaning to do that for about 40 minutes now.  Silly me, I would think about it, then think, just a minute, and then forget again.  Now it is all taken care of.  I bought the veggies, mashed potatoes (Bob Evans pre-made brand), and stuffing.  I bought cake mix to make the dessert.  I don't particularly like pumpkin pie, its okay, but not my favorite.  It was a favorite with mom, that is for sure, but not me.  Often, she would eat the entire thing in a few days.  I would cut big pieces for her as she was so small and would eat them.  I am both excited and sad about this holiday.  Excited, because my cousin I haven't seen in a long time (outside of the funeral and burial) will be here, and sad, because my mom isn't going to be here.  She loved the holidays and really made a big deal out of them.  She was just like a little girl with how excited she got.  When I was younger, they weren't too fun for me as she would expect a lot of me, but as I grew into adulthood and we talked about it, they became just as fun for me as they did for her, especially Christmas.  I did have the holidays planned for the year, I was so hoping Mom would last through them, although we know she didn't.  I am going to put up my little tree on Friday and decorate it with all my little Disney character ornaments.  They are so cute.  The are actually too big for this little tree, but since both Mom and I loved them so much, I have to put them up.  I don't really care that they are too big, it doesn't bother me at all and I don't care if it bothers anyone else.

I sent an email to Richard yesterday, I hope he answers it today.  Actually, the poor guy got 2 from me.  One asking about Christmas and the other asking about reviewing my resume.  I put it in a new format that I like much better and I am hoping for better results.  I have already thought of a couple of things I need to change to improve it.  I decided I am going to try for a corporate training job at Oracle (one that doesn't say you need to stand for extended periods of time) after all.  You never know, I might get one.  I am hopeful about it.  But I won't know if I don't try.  That is the bottom line of this.  I have to try.  So I am  going to try.  I am also going to look at other places too, not just Oracle.  I know they are hiring because I have checked out the job search already.  I am also waiting to hear back from the job I applied at last week.  I don't know how to follow up yet, but I will next week, if I don't hear from them.  It is weird in this new way of hiring.  HR people get bombarded by resumes and a computer program picks out the best ones.  That is just weird to me because they are missing so much.  A computer program can't really tell who is going to be good and who isn't.  I just need the interview!  That's all!

Anyways, my student should be here any minute now.  I wonder if he knows of any place that is hiring part time.  I certainly can use the job!

Thankful

Thanksgiving is coming up and every year Mom would ask, what are you thankful for?  We didn't do this the last few years as Mom was to ill to take part, but I want to do it this year.

For one thing, I am thankful that I had a Mom like I did.  She was a great Mom, even when she was sick with Alzheimer's.  When I was younger we didn't get along too well because I was a teenager and thought she just didn't understand me.  Looking back, yeah, I am surprised I survived being a teenager.  I was very angry because I felt that Mom couldn't control the boys so she was a control freak on me.  I now, of course, realize that she was just terrified that I would go down the same path as my brothers and she had such a hard time with them.  It broke her heart that her boys hurt so much that they thought drugs was the answer. How awful for a parent to watch her children go where she can't help them.  It was hard on me too, because they were so hurt and angry that I didn't connect with them either.  I felt at the time, Mom should have realized I would never do what they did because I could see how bad it was.  But, I imagine as a Mom, it was very hard for her and she lived in fear.  Fortunately, both boys have straightened themselves out and are back to being themselves again.  Richard is very successful and has a beautiful family, Andrew is just finishing school for a career he will be great in, I think.

I am also thankful for Mom because when I started to get very sick, no one knew what was wrong with me.  I had my first flare up at 17 years old.  I was a junior in high school and missed pretty much the last 6 weeks of school due to pain from Fibro.  Mom took me to the doctor but they couldn't find anything wrong.  Fortunately, the flare up ended by the end of summer and I could start my senior year.  When I was in my 20s I got sick again, only this time, it never ended.  I have been ill for over 20 years now.  I am only 42 years old.  Mom came with me time and time again to see doctor after doctor.  Like so many of us, they couldn't find out what was wrong.  I got told that it was all in my head, (like so many others that I know), I even got told I was emotionally disturbed and needed mental health help for that.  We left that office rather quickly and Mom complained to the AMA about that doctor.  Then in 2003, I came down with vasculitis.  Vasculitis is very painful, worse at times than my fibro.  It is when the blood vessels inflame.  It takes about 3 to 4 months to recover and most people start one episode as soon as the other is over.  I got lucky, mine went away and hasn't been back.  We went to the Cleveland Clinic in January of 2004 to see the specialist about vasculitis.  Mom came with me.  The Cleveland Clinic encourages families to come with you.  I wish my brother, Richard would have come too.  That was when I was finally diagnosed with fibro, in January of 2004.

Overall, Mom had been an important part of my life for all of my life.  Maybe if I wasn't sick I would have moved out and we wouldn't have been so close, but I don't know.  When you are ill, sometimes you need help being taken care of.  It has only been the last year that I have been able to do much of the stuff I can do by myself.  Until March of this year, I needed help getting dressed.  Now I can do it myself.  It was hard, and still is at times.  Socks are such a difficult thing!  but I am thankful I can now dress myself again.  I don't untie my shoes because it is hard to tie them back up.  I buy slip ons when i can.

I am so thankful Mom was my mom.  She was a really special lady and I hope to make her proud of me. I know she was, and I want to continue that.  I don't want to fall into a depression, I don't think I have.  i am sad a lot, but she has only been gone for just over a month.  It is a bit easier most of the time now than it was.  I think about her a lot, though not constantly like I was.  I have asked to stop sorting through the house until after the holidays.  I just don't want to add that to the difficulties of the holidays.  I am hoping to be with Richard for them.  I have checked some prices and I think I can squeeze it out, especially if I start work in January.  I am hopeful I will hear from them this week.  I really think I would be good at that job.

I hope you are having a good day too.

I am so tired!

I am so tired today!  I got up at 5:30, although I was awake at 5 am this morning.  I had to be up by 5:30 so that I could leave for the craft show by 6 am.  It was about 50 minutes away.  Ugh, I am so not a morning person.  I think I freaked the lady out at Tim Horton's by going through the drive through so early.  I took my drink and sandwich and headed to Redford.  It is on the west side of Detroit and I live Northeast of Detroit so I had a long way to go.  I haven't ever been to Redford so I was a bit worried about the directions, but I found it okay.  I only got turned around once which was good.  They helped unload the car and I went and set up.  The show was not well attended.  There were about 50 crafters there and very few people coming through.  It was a fundraiser for 2 elementary schools and believe me, very few people came.  I got lucky, I did sell 2 violins, but I didn't sell any books.  I did do better than Donna, she sold nothing.  The girl next to us did sell a bit, but not enough to pay herself back for the booth.  I think every crafter there was disappointment with the turnout.  I was.  At first I seriously thought of leaving early because there were so few people there.  I mean those that were commented on my violins, but didn't buy.  then about 3:30, 2 people came and bought 2.  I was so happy about that.  That will pay a bill in December.  I am definitely going to try ebay next though and another site too that sells arts and crafts.

Tillie and Maia were apparently here this afternoon.  I was not happy to drive into a dark house because I don't like that.  I left the light outside on purpose on so that I would be able to see when I got home.  I also left a light on in the dining room so the house would be lit up.  They turned everything off when they left and they also locked the bottom lock only which I don't like.  I want the top lock locked, not the bottom lock.  Please lock the deadbolt, it is harder to break into than the handle.  I have asked for this before, but it doesn't always get done.  I feel safer with the deadbolt on, not the handle lock.  It is a safety thing for me.  I am having a hard enough time being alone in the house, so I need the deadbolts locked.  Eventually I will get used to being home alone, but not right now.  Plus, I didn't know they were coming over so I was a bit freaked when I pulled into a dark house without any lights on.  I know they didn't know I left it on on purpose, but I did.  If I had known they were coming, I would have told them.

I am hoping this week will be a better overall week for me.  I have some stuff I have to fax to the state of Michigan Monday without fail!!!!  I can't forget like I have been, it is very, very important it get down.  So tomorrow I will pull all the paperwork that needs to be faxed and do it first thing Monday morning when I get up.  Then I will call the state of Michigan and let them know the stuff has been faxed so that I can finally set up my payment plan for the back sales and use tax from the store.  Such a royal pain in the bottom this has been!!!  Totally a pain!!!!

I am hoping for some new company next week for the week.  I will let you know as this happens.  Right now, I am tired of sorting stuff and need a major break from it.  It gets too upsetting for me to do.  I know people don't understand that, but they need to understand how hard this is for me.  It is very hard going through Mom's stuff and I don't want to do it right now.  I want the house to stay the way it is for a while, then go through the stuff.  I just don't want anything done right now.  I need more time to move forward, I feel like I am being rushed and ignored at times.  Like what I want doesn't always matter, it is what everyone else wants.  Well, I matter to me, and that is what counts.  I want things just left the way they are.  I am not moving anytime soon so the house doesn't have to be emptied yet.  Just leave it alone.

I hope your day has been good.  Mine was okay, not great, but not bad either.  I did sell 2 violins which is 2 more than I sold yesterday so I am happy about that.

Day before the craft show

My friend, Heather B-T's husband, Bill is coming sometime today to help me load the car up.  I am grateful for that.  She is ill so she is sending hubby to help.  Isn't that sweet of her?  I am thankful.  I have the violins in one area in the family room that are to go.  I also want a box of pictures brought up too because I want to scan them tonight and Sunday (when I am not recovering from the craft show).  I am excited about the craft show because I have never done one.  I hope to sell lots of books and lots of violins and violas.  I have about 20 of them.  I am not sure when Bill is coming, but since I am not booked for time anytime today, it doesn't matter.  Whatever fits his schedule works for mine.  Maybe he will bring the little man and the little miss!  Hm, that could be fun!  I just love their children, they are such sweethearts and they are so adorable.  I have the front door open (not the screen one, just the main one) to let him know I am home.  So anytime now he will be arriving.

I have posted 3 albums on Face Book now of Mom and the family.  I can't wait to post more.  It is a lot of fun scanning the pictures in and getting them on disc.  I think a lot of pictures will be scanned and kept instead of keeping the actual picture.  Scanning is definitely the way to go.  Saves on room and you can post them where you want.  I have a few pictures I need to scan already of Mom.  Some are from our vacations (as that is when we take the most pictures) and some from holidays.  I do hope that for Christmas I will be with Richard and his family.

I am still waiting to hear from the marketing company.  I hope to hear from them next week so that I hopefully will get an interview and get a job.  My goal is to have a job by the first of January so I will be okay.

The Detroit Legal News has published Mom's death and sent notice to creditors.  I already have one solicitation letter for real estate.  I didn't realize I would be getting them, but apparently I am.  Well, we aren't selling the house yet.  I am hoping the market picks up in a couple of years and then we will sell.  It isn't very good around here right now.  We shall see what is going to happen.

It has been a pretty decent day today.  I didn't sleep very well last night again.  Not that this is new, but now I am not sleeping because I am afraid not because of pain.  I am scared to be home alone some nights.  I have checked all the windows and doors and they are locked, but still some nights I don't sleep well until after 5 am.  I hope to sleep tonight as I am getting up at 5:30 am tomorrow for the craft show.  Ugh, is all I can say about that time, but hey, it has got to be done, so it will.  I can sleep in late again on Sunday and can take a nap on Sunday after my student, Katie has her lesson if necessary.  So, you see, I have worked out the recovery details.

I do hope you are having a good day.  I pretty much am.  I talked on the phone with my friend, went to the usual, and now am just waiting for Bill to arrive sometime this afternoon/evening.  I have some new magazines to read.  My books aren't that interesting to me right now.  I hope they improve in interest because they are by my favorite authors, I am just not into them right now.  I am trying to get interested in more stuff, but it is hard because I really don't feel very much right now.  I am still numb over losing Mom.  I can sometimes smile more now, but overall I am still numb.

I had written more, but it won't let me post it all.  I will post my thankfulness post later.  how weird.