What a week!!! Thursday 4-25

Oh my is the best way to describe my week.  Last Saturday morning, I woke up not feeling to well.  I didn't think too much about it.  I often get an upset stomach.  I went down and took some tummy medicine and went back to bed.  Around 7 or so, I woke up again and I still wasn't feeling too well.  I went down stairs and took something else.  After the 3rd time waking up, I realized that something was bleeding in the GI area.  Oh no, this was not good.  All I really wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep.  Everything ached and I mean everything.  Heather, Bill, and kids were at goalball so no one was home.  I drove myself to the hospital.  I am aware that was probably not the best decision I could have made but I did.  I was surprised to discover that they weren't super busy.  I got right in.  I even saw the doctor right away.  He ordered lots of blood tests and an IV.  I had packed a just in case bag.  It was a good thing because he said I wasn't going home.  I ached even more when I got up into my room.  The bed was way more comfortable than the stretcher but at that point, nothing was really comfortable.  I felt so bad.  I had left a message for Bill saying I was in the ER so I needed to call and let him know that I was being admitted.  I also had left Kathy know where I was.  My stomach doctor saw me on Saturday and said that I would be having a stomach scope on Monday.  I expected some kind of scope. (I have been through this before)  Saturday night was so bad as I hurt so bad and my head was really really sore.  I was in tears every time I moved so I tried not to move a lot.  I think I got about 2 hours of sleep between 3:30 and 5:30.  The nursing staff at Beaumont is amazing, especially the nurse assistants.  The one I had on Saturday night, Elaina, was simply amazing.  She didn't make me feel like I was being a bother.  She was so helpful.  She didn't get upset over the tears or anything.  She was great.  The daytime assistants, Vallery and Winne were awesome too.  The staff on that floor was just so great.  I really felt like they were taking good care of me.

Monday, I had the scope and there were now signs of bleeding.  The doctor said I would need to do the colonoscopy the next day.  Ugh.  It isn't the drinking of the stuff as it doesn't have a taste to it or even the test, it is the prep that is bad.  I survived the prep and had the test.  There was no sign of bleeding in the colon either.  It is a healthy looking colon so at least something healthy in my body.  I was discharged on Tuesday night.  Because I didn't have my coumadin since Friday, I have to re-introduce it to my body.  They had to stop the coumadin (blood thinning medicine) because of the bleeding.  I will see Dr. G tomorrow (my PCP) to find out exactly what he would like me to do as far as building the coumadin in my blood again.  I also need to ask him about the swelling in my legs.  Tilley is very concerned about them.  She has been for a while but more so now since she actually saw them on Sunday.  Both Tilley and Maia were upset at the size of my ankles from the swelling and also the swelling in my legs.  I will speak with him about it tomorrow.

I am feeling better than I was although I am very tired.  I have an appointment at 10:45 am.  I plan to take a nap when I get home after the doctor.  I will be bringing my nook to read while I wait.  I also must bring my paperwork from the hospital.  I hope not to have this happen again.  It is the 3rd time this has happened but it has been 5 years since it has happened.

Well, the finale of Project Runway is on and then I am heading for bed.

Thursday 4-18

I was working on a piece of music for one of my students, but I needed to take a break.  I am watching Project Runway right now and I do enjoy the show.  I love sewing with other people and I miss sewing with mom.  I haven't been able to sew by myself yet.  I am planning to teach Calli how to do some sewing.  She seems a bit excited about it.  We will do this during the summer.  I don't know if it something that Acer would like to do or not.  One never knows with the little man.  He could say yes or he could say no.

Maisy went to the groomers today.  She looks so cute.  I am going to try to download pictures from my camera to my computer.  I want to post all the pictures I have taken of her and the rest of the pictures.  I have some super cute pictures of mom on there too and you know I want those ones.  Maisy likes to sit down here for a bit in the evening when I am working on the computer or just cruising through face book.  She also likes the extra attention that she gets from me.  Maisy learned pretty fast who was the one who will cave and give her all the attention that she wants.

I was planning to meet a friend for lunch tomorrow but she is not feeling well so I won't be going.  When she is feeling better, we will go.  I don't really have any plans other than teaching for the weekend.  Next week, if Maia is feeling better, she, Tillie, and Luana will come over and we will go to lunch for my birthday.  I am thinking either Olive Garden or Red Lobster.  Both have soups and salads for lunch and that is what I would want.  I have been working hard on eating better.

My neck is feeling better and so is my upper back.  It isn't as painful as it was yesterday.  I am so glad about that.  I do have a medium bad headache now.  It is from the rain that we had today.  I am hoping we don't have as much rain tomorrow.  I tried to check the weather but it didn't come up.  I guess we will all find out tomorrow.

Wednesday 4-17

It is thundering and lightening outside tonight and it is suppose to be like that all day tomorrow.  I don't mind too much but I do ache a bit more when it is like this.  I am in a flare right now with the right side of my neck.  I am using a rice pack on and off all day and it seems to help a little bit.  I can turn my head a bit better than I could this morning.

Well, I think I am heading up to go and read for a while.  I am rather tired tonight.  I have an earlier than usual lesson tomorrow as well as a protime bloodtest.  I hope my blood is good this time.

Tuesday 4-16

I must have slept very strangely last night as my neck and right shoulder are a bit sore.  I will get some heat on it when Calli comes home and I can ask her where the heating pack is.  It isn't a huge deal.  It only hurts when I turn my head so I am trying not to turn my head.  I did take some pain medicine to see if that would help.  It has a small bit, but every small bit adds up.

I don't have as many lessons today as I usually do because Amy and Sammy cancelled and Megan rescheduled to Thursday.  I can't do anymore lessons on Thursday because it would be too much.  Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my biggest days and I can't add anymore lessons to those days as I get so exhausted from them..  I am trying to be more conscience of my schedule and plan better.

It is really nice out right now.  The sun is shining and everything is so pretty.  Heather bought some plants for the house yesterday.  She has some plans for the outside.  I firmly am leaving that part to her since I do not have the green thumb that she has and I am not that interested in getting one either.  Mom loved gardening and so does Heather.  I, on the other hand, do not like gardening.  I do appreciate a beautiful garden and I love flowers.  I just don't like to grow them myself.  I did receive a beautiful pot of geraniums for my birthday and I love them.  Heather does the taking care of them for me.  She says not to water them too much so I leave it up to her.  The flowers are red and simply gorgeous.

Maisy was so cute this afternoon.  She came down the stairs with Heather and then she came over to me.  She put her paws on me so I could pick her up.  My back doesn't hurt at all anymore picking her up.  I am strong enough now.  Maisy gives such good little snuggles.  I just love that little dog.  I really do.  I now understand how people feel about their pets.  I have always liked animals but since I never really owned one, I didn't quite understand.  Now that 2 dogs live in the house, I understand.  Anyways, Maisy was at the door when Heather was getting ready to go and pick up the kids from school.  She was ready to go to the car.  Heather and I chuckled about that.  I think Maisy would have really given her a hard time if she was left behind.  Maisy loves car rides.  She gets so excited.  When I have Maisy by myself, I take her with me too.  If I have to leave her in the car, then I don't take her because cars heat up so easily and she could be sick in minutes so I only take her if I am going to drive thru type of places like the bank or panera.  I don't not want her to become ill and have something happen to her because I left her in the car.

Outside of the neck and shoulder pain, everything else is the regular amount of pain.  My headache is just the regular headache and same with the other pain that I have.  I am rather tired today but that really isn't anything new either.

Well, I am off to do some more of the cataloguing.  I have accomplished a bit but there is more to do.

Sunday - the day before taxes are due! 4-14

Tax time is almost here!  I usually have someone do mine since I did get audited several years ago.  My friend, Julie, is a tax expert so she does them.  I usually also have to pay, but that is to be expected as the small amount that I earn teaching does not withhold taxes.  As usual, though, I can't pay until next month when my disability comes in.  I am sending in my tax forms now and the voucher next month.  There will be a small fee I will owe, but that is okay.

Julie was surprised that I hadn't told her about the major changes in our house.  I don't know why I didn't tell her.  I think because everything happened during tax season and well, during tax season, Julie works 80 to 90 hours a week so no time for chatting.  Now since tax season is winding down, I will be able to have her come over and visit.  I am looking forward to that.

Maisy and I spent a bit of time this afternoon together while Heather was upstairs resting.  She isn't feeling too well today.  She gets some awful migraine headaches and she also has some awful back aches.  I do wonder if she has fibro too.  Maisy split her time between the two of us.  I like it when she does that.  Then I get some Maisy time in too.  I never really believed how having a little furry friend like Maisy can really help with pain levels, but it does.  I know, I should have believed it.  I was a sceptic but now I am not.  When I am in a lot of pain, she makes me smile and she gives good snuggles.  I think I have found everywhere Maisy likes to be scratched.  I think I could go on and on about Maisy.  Yup, I am pretty darn sure I could go on and on and on and on about Maisy.  Q is a very good dog too but I don't spend a lot of time with him because he is Calli's guide dog so he must be with her at all times.  Q goes everywhere with Calli including school.  He goes into the classroom right with her.  Q is very helpful to Calli.

I am meeting a friend of mine from high school on Friday.  I can't wait to see her.  I last saw her 2 years ago but we were at the class reunion and we just didn't have the time to visit.  She has since moved closer to me and now takes care of her mother.  I certainly know what that was like as I took care of my little mother as best as I could.  It is kind of nice to be able to say, I was able to keep her at home and take care of her.  When I first got sick at 17, she was there wanting to know what was wrong.  When the doctor discovered I had scoliosis and needed surgery, Mom took me to where Dr. Mok wanted me to go.  Mom never left a stone unturned when she was on a mission for any of us.  When I got my first 6 month long headache, she was there trying everything she could to help me at least function enough to stay in school and dance.  It was hard as I was about 22 and a junior at Wayne State University but we managed.  When I went from dancing 6 to 8 hours a day to practically bed ridden, she was there.  So for me, it was very important that I take as good of care of her as I could.  Was it hard?  Of course it was at times but you don't stop doing it because it got hard.  It was hard on her too.  I can't even imagine what it was like for her and what she went through but I was there the best I could for her.  She was my mom and no matter how much we used to fight when I was a teen and young adult, she was my mother and I loved her.  We battled a lot because we were so much alike in so many ways.  We also were both extremely stubborn.  However, I must say that Acer is the most stubborn person I have EVER met, EVER.  I do believe that in the long run this will help him so much, but boy oh boy, at times his parents do have a time with him.  I did tell Frann that if she needed to talk or vent, she could talk or vent to me.  That is important.  You have to have an outlet for when you get frustrated.  I had Kathy and that helped a lot.  It really did.  I am so thankful that I was able to take care of her and keep her with me.  I will be glad about that forever.  I will also miss her forever until we are together again and we will never be apart.  I do look forward to that day.

This week seems to be a good week.  My little Rachel is absent again because her grandma is out of town.  She is such a sweet girl.  I think she is amazing.  My two little boys will be going out of the country for 3 months starting the first week in May so I only have a few lessons left with them.  Laith is done with lessons.  He has moved so I am now too far for him to come for lessons.  They have moved to about 30 or so minutes away from me.  I am hoping he will continue to stick with playing the piano though.  He is quite good.  I have my two little Muglia's tomorrow.  I now have the two little ones every other week since the older 3 have stopped lessons.  In 2 weeks is the concert.  I have asked the older 3 to play in the concert anyways because I want to hear what they are working on themselves.  They have several books that I have brought them to play out of plus the ones that they have bought themselves.  It should be a nice concert.  I no longer have any graduating seniors so it will just be a regular spring concert.  I think Calli is going to announce again as she likes to do this.  She is a big help at concerts.  Acer also takes the singers into the library and he warms them up.  Sally, one of my newer students, thinks it is kind of cute that Acer will do that.  Acer has been doing this since he was 6.  He figured out how to play the warm ups that we use for singing and now that is his job at the concert.  The best part is that he likes to do this.  If he didn't, that would be different and I wouldn't ask him too but since he does, it is good.

Well, I have had a rather lazy day today.  I think the biggest thing I did was take a shower and get gas.  Other than that, I can't say I did a thing.  I did not work on the cataloguing that needs to be done, I did not work on my room that is filled with boxes that need to be gone through nor did I pick up the stuff that landed on the floor when Bill took 2 books out of a pile.  I just didn't feel like doing it so I didn't.  I will, however, get back into the groove tomorrow and work on what I need to get done.  I am down to 25 books that are listed without their songs being listed.  I started with 38.  I have also noticed that there are a few books that have the wrong number on them.  I will be fixing that also.  For the rest of tonight, I plan to read and do nothing.  I am getting up a bit earlier than usual for my Muglia lessons but other than that, it is a regular Monday.

Wednesday 4-10

It was rainy again today so I was a bit more achy than usual.  I have a bit more of a headache than usual too but that is to be expected because of the rain.

Wednesdays are my busiest days for teaching.  Acer says it is too much and I need to cut down because he feels it makes me more tired.  He doesn't like me to be too tired.  It is so sweet that he is concerned about how I feel when I teach a lot.  Tonight Heather and Bill had an event to go to so I took care of the kids.  Calli helped.  I put their dinner on plates (I didn't realize Calli had already put bowls on the table and glasses - next time I will look better) and got their milk.  Calli heated up their plates while I went to teach a couple more lessons.  Michelle (the mom) is so understanding and it didn't bother her in the least that I needed to do this.  I checked on them once between Jillian and Brooke's lessons and they were fine.  When I finished with Jillian's lesson, the kids were done with dinner.  Calli had put her plate away as she usually does and I took care of Acer's.  Acer quickly got ready for bed and then I went up to read a couple of stories.  I love reading him stories.  He really likes to be read to.  Calli was also there too as she likes to hear stories too.  I told Acer that he could have either 3 stories and no music or 2 stories and music but he had to decide.  He couldn't decide after the second story.  So I told him that I would give him to 10 to decide.  At first he said music and then he changed his mind.  I caved.  He got both.  I mean, he did do what he needed to do and didn't give any arguments or anything like that so I read one more story and Calli put his music on.  He went to sleep pretty fast.

Maisy is such a cutie.  She doesn't bark a whole lot during my Wednesday lessons.  She seems to really like a few of them so that is a good thing.  I think Maisy has adjusted pretty well with students coming and going.  She still has a bit of a problem when men come over but that is getting better too.  Overall, she seems to have adjusted to her new digs rather well.  I do think everyone has adjusted pretty well too.  I like how Heather and I have divided some of the jobs in the house such as she does the laundry and I do the dishes.  She and Bill also do most of the cooking, which is good too.

I left a message with my neurologist today.  She told me to double my medicine at night to see if that seems to help the headaches more.  The new medicine is working a bit but I think this new dosage will be better.

Well, onto reading and then bed.

I Blinked 4-6

I think I missed an entire week here.  I must have blinked or something.  It can't be Saturday already, can it?  To top it off, Saturday night?  Where did the day go?

I celebrated my birthday (which is Monday) with some of my lovely students and their families.  At first I was worried no one was coming and then they all arrived at the same time!  The Muglia, Weiss, Mulcrone, and Kippert families were there as well as Samantha.  I was very excited about it.  I didn't expect any presents though.  That was a beautiful surprise.  The Muglia's gave me a beautiful Hello Kitty bag with a hello kitty water bottle, a hello kitty book, and a beautiful picture made by Hannah.  I got some nice smelling soaps from the Weiss family and flowers from the Kippert family.  All in all, it was a beautiful day.  Acer also made me a beautiful card where he Brailled out Happy Early Birthday and then he decorated it with lots of stickers.  He is such a creative child.  Both he and Calli are.  I would say that today was a big success.  I spent some time with my students and their families and then came home to a nice dinner with Heather, Bill, Acer, and Calli.  We had hamburgers and they were very yummy.  It is nice when the 5 of us can sit down and eat dinner together.  Tomorrow will be a relaxing day.  I have to go to the store for a few items but that is about all I need to do.  I want to work on numbering some music tomorrow too.  Maybe I will even be able to change some cases for the CDs like I have been working on.  Acer likes to help with that job.  He does do a good job.  I also need to get some stuff copied for a couple of students this week.  I need to copy the Star Spangled Banner for Nick.  He really wants to play that song.  I have it in his level so copying it won't be a problem.  I almost can get to the file box.  I plan to empty it and then put a file for every student in it so I will be better organized with the music.  It is a process, but I am getting there.  Little by little, our house is starting to be organized.  I figure by the end of Spring we will be mostly put together or around that time anyway.  Outside of the music, my biggest job is to go through everything in the file cabinet in Acer's room.  I need to see what is in there and if the safe deposit key is in there too.  I know there is some social security info and some social insurance info but other than that, I am not sure.  This just reminded me that I needed to download the application for a replacement social security card.  I will take care of that this week also.  I didn't get a chance to go to the Secretary of State Thursday or Friday so I will need to go on Monday as that is my birthday and I do not want to have to pay extra for being late like I generally end up doing every year.  It is rather annoying because I forget.  It isn't like they don't send it early enough, they do.  I am the one that messes up.

There is a new fibro blog directory.  I have been invited to join.  Bill is going to help me with what I need to do about being added to the site.  It should be good because I will also be able to read a lot of new blogs about people with fibro.  That is always a good thing.  We need each other because we totally understand what each other means for some of what we go through.

I took a bit of a tumble on Thursday night.  I am not sure how I did it, but I did.  Basically, I landed (hard, of course) on my knees and my hands, especially the left hand.  Calli was in the room with me so she tried to help me up.  I rolled over because my knees were shooting pain up and down my leg from landing on them, just for a few minutes because I also managed to knock the wind out of me.  Then I got one of the dining room chairs and Calli held it steady so I could pull myself up.  She was such a big help.  I am really surprised though, because I thought for sure this incident would send me into and flare, and it DIDN'T!  I know!  Shocking, isn't it?  I am very grateful that it didn't though.  My knees are very sore, of course,  My left wrist is a bit sorer than usual but other than being a bit more sore all over, I am okay.  It also reminded me why I have to work so hard and making sure I eat healthy and lose the excess weight.  This could have been so much worse because I am so big now.  I will find out on Wednesday when I see Dr. Aloot if I have lost anymore weight.  I have been working very hard on portion control.  It is hard, but I am doing pretty well with it.  The other day we had a really yummy dinner and I didn't have more even though I really wanted to.  I didn't deprive myself, I really didn't need more as I was not hungry anymore, I just wanted more.  Calli and I do the same thing now.  We eat our food and then drink our milk.  We wait 5 or so minutes after drinking the milk to see if we are still hungry.  If we are, then we will get 2nds, if not, we won't.  This strategy has really been helpful for me.  I also find that I don't eat as much overall.  If I do eat more than I need, I feel rather sick to my stomach.  I also find that if I eat too much sweet stuff (like candy or ice cream), I also feel sick so this is a good plan and it is one I can stick too as it isn't depriving myself of anything, nothing at all.

My headache has been okay most of today.  I believe the new medicine may be helping because there are times at night where I don't have a really bad headache.  I still have issues with the early morning, which means I miss a lot of church.  I am hoping to be at choir on Thursday.  It has been a while since I have been there and I do miss it but it all boils down to how I feel.  Lately, I haven't been feeling well enough to go.  The thought of singing for 1 1/2 hours with a bad or a medium bad headache is not something I would like to experience.  I know that by the end of the rehearsal, I will feel so much worse and then driving home would be a nightmare.

Well, I believe it is time for a bit of reading before heading for bed.

Easter Sunday 3-31

I spent the afternoon with Kathy and her family at her parents' house.  Her mom is a really good cook.  I did control myself and not go crazy.  I made sure I ate more veggies than anything else.  I also had some spare ribs.  Kathy's mom makes them and they taste amazingly awesome.  Trust me on this.

Not much extra pain today like yesterday, just the usual amount of pain.  I just ached so much yesterday.  It is so nice to live with people who understand about this.  Neither Heather nor Bill ever say anything about what time I get up or how much I try to sleep or when I nap for a long time, like yesterday.  I slept for about 3 1/2 hours in the afternoon.  I did have a bad headache this morning, but by the time I actually got out of bed it was back to the normal headache so that was good.  It just is annoying that it is bad in the morning because that means I miss church a lot and I mean a lot.  I have pretty much given up on being about to be there on a regular basis.  I usually missed at least 1 time during the month before but now, I miss all of it.

Easter is such a beautiful season in that it causes me to reflect on things a lot.  It makes me think of what sacrifices my mom made when we were young to the biggest sacrifice of all, Jesus on the Cross.  It boggles my mind that God loves us so much that He allowed Jesus to be whipped, tortured, and then hung on a cross to die for our sins.  I mean, you hear people say that they would die for people in movies and in books, but He really did.  Jesus DID die for us.  Although I am not Catholic, I do like the idea of giving up something during lent.  I have before.  I didn't this year because I didn't realize it was lent until it was about 1/3 over.  Yes, I didn't know that Easter was early this year.  Perhaps I should pay more attention to these details.

Maisy and I had a good snuggle when I came home.  She is sitting behind me right now waiting for Heather to get home.  She was happy to see me but she will be even happier to see her momma, Heather.  Maisy is such a joy to hang out with.  She has this really cute habit of taking her paw and putting it on you if you stop paying attention to her.  It really is adorable.  She is one happy girl.  I would say overall the kids and the dogs have adjusted rather well to the move.  Acer and Calli are both full of life and really bring sunshine and joy to my life.  Life here in the house is never boring with the kids and the dogs around.  Calli's dog, Q, of course, goes everywhere with Calli so he is with Calli at her grandparents house.  I wish I had more time with Kathy today but I will take anytime I can with her.  She is very busy and lives a couple of hours away from here.

Well, I am going to watch a bit of TV before reading and heading for bed.  I have a busy morning tomorrow.  (okay - stop laughing, I did say morning!)  I have Physical Therapy at 10:30 am before I go to the Muglia's for the piano lessons with Sarah and Patrick.  Bob will have his lesson at 3.  Isaac and Rachel are absent.  I am not sure when Rahul or Sam will be having their lessons.  Often their mom wants it a bit earlier than they are scheduled for.  Natalie is having a make up lesson tomorrow because she was sick on Friday.  That is if she is better.  If not, then I won't see her until Friday at her regularly scheduled lesson.  Sammy and Gabby are coming over to put music away this week.  I am very excited about this job.  It has been so long since I have had all my music put away and not all over the house.  I will then know what I have again.  It will be easier to find music again too.  Right now, if it isn't in the cabinet, then i have no idea where it is.  Most students have copies of music unless it is their own music.  The Muglia girls do have some of my original music but they do take good care of the music so I don't mind loaning the music to them.  I am excited to be getting the music room in order.  Every week the students see a new part put together.  I have to get the legal size hanging folders from downstairs because a few of them have ripped and I can't use them anymore.  I will post pictures this week.  It is really an exciting event in the house for me.  I think all the small changes are good ones.  I like the pictures we have put up and the rearranging of the furniture too.

Saturday 3-30

Tomorrow I get to see Kathy!!!!!!  I can't wait!!!!!!!!  It will be a lot of fun.  I have all the Easter Treats for everyone.  I gave Acer and Calli their coupon books.  I must add a couple more coupons though because he asked about ice cream so I will add that today.  He also wants to help sticker them.  He and Calli both like to help with things.  Calli is cleaning out the van today.  She is emptying it out of all of Acer's toys too.  He is in the middle of putting them away.  By the way, for all the worry that some people had about how quiet or loud the kids would be while I have lessons, they are quiet and do not come in the room when I am teaching.  So really, there was no need for worry.  I wasn't worried at all because I knew they would be playing or doing something in other parts of the house.

Nina didn't have her lesson today.  I didn't know she wasn't coming so I called her dad.  They didn't think we had lessons because tomorrow is a holiday.  They were at church this morning.  My next student, Sally, should be here any minute now.  She has a lovely voice.  We are working on a song out of the 24 Italian arias and art songs and also a song by Handel.

I took a 3 1/2 hour nap this afternoon.  I was so tired and my headache was just not good.  I am done teaching with the day.  I am still very tired.  Acer is in bed already and Calli is heading there.  Bill is rather tired too.

The kids went down the street to a subdivision Easter Egg Hunt.  They met several of our neighbors.  Our across the street neighbor introduced himself to Bill and Heather.  The kids had hot chocolate and received some candy.  Both Acer and Calli said they had a good time.  I was glad about that.

While they were gone, Maisy and I had to get me some caffeine.  I needed some diet coke so she and I went to get some.  I expected to be back before the kids but i wasn't.  I wasn't sure if Bill or Heather had their keys with them so I left the front door unlocked since they were just down the street.  I am really glad that they had a good time and met a few of the kids in the neighborhood.  Most of the kids are pretty friendly.  Faith and her sister, Courtney were among the ones who knew who they were from the recitals since Faith is my student.  Both she and Courtney are very nice girls.

It has been a tiring day and I do seem to ache more but inside of me, it hasn't been too bad.  You know what I mean?  The outside can be so tiring and exhausted but the inside can run marathons at times.  That was today.

Tomorrow will be the 3rd Easter I have had without Momma.  I wonder if I will always count how many holidays or birthdays it will be since I lost Momma?  I am sure that she is watching me and with me.  I think about her a lot, like everyday.  I probably will forever but that is okay.  She is my mom and I do miss her.  Sometimes I miss her terribly and I still cry but other times I don't.  I can think of some of the silly things we did together.  I also think about how she was very upset when I started getting sick and no one knew what was wrong with me.  The first time I had a headache for 6 months straight, she was worried.  We went to doctor after doctor until we couldn't go to anymore.  Finally, she said we will work on this ourselves and we did.  Eventually, the bad 6 month headache went away and it only popped up now and again until I had the vasculitis.  Then it never went away.  Slowly, it seems it is getting better.  The bad headache seems to be bad in the morning and late at night but not during the day, most of the time.  I also have noticed that my anxiety is not as bad as it was.  I think that having Heather and family here has helped.  Either that or I have really, really good meds.

Well, I am going to read for a bit and then I will head for bed too.

Momma's Birthday 3-28

Mom is 79 today.  I think she is probably having a big celebration up in Heaven.  It hasn't been a horrible day for me, just a slightly bad day.  I miss her so much.  I always will.  I speak to her at times too.  Sometimes, I can even still feel her here with me.  I am thankful that I got to spend so much time with her.  I shudder to think how sometimes it drove me crazy that she wanted to be with me all the time.  Now I am grateful.  I just wish I appreciated her more when I was younger.  I remember when I was about 25 or 26 I asked Mom if I could speak with her.  We had a very, very, very long conversation.  I also apologized for my behavior as a teenager and when I was in college.  She apologized for some of the mistakes she made with me.  Momma also explained some of the reasons she did what she did.  How she was afraid every single time I walked out the door that I would start using drugs.  Both of my brothers used drugs as teens, so that is why she was so afraid for me.  When I was in high school she would wait until the last minute to tell me I had a job to do before I went out.  I would get so angry.  I later learned she did it on purpose to see if I would change my mind and stay home.  It didn't work.  It made me want to go out even more.  I never did try drugs.  I also do not drink.  The most I have ever had was about an inch of a wine cooler.  I can't get past the smell of the alcohol to try something else.  I have been that way since I was a child.  I don't expect I will ever change.  I am still afraid, at times, of people when they drink too much.  I am getting much better with that.  It doesn't bother me at all when Kathy and her family have wine at dinner because they don't drink too much.  I can't wait to see Kathy.  It seems so weird (in a good way) to be able to say that I have known her for about 42 years now.

I was afraid of today because I was so sad last year and the year before.  I am starting to finally feel okay about missing mom.  Sometimes it hurts worse than others and sometimes I am okay.  I have started to feel like me again.  I have begun to take better care of myself instead of just going through the motions.  I am happier with people in the house on a full time basis.  I think it is really going well.  The kids seem to be adjusting well.  Calli and Acer are joys and bring much sunshine to my life.  Heather and Bill are also very good friends too.  I am just thankful that we are all getting along and that everything is going pretty well.

I went and got the Easter gifts today.  I got a stuffed bunny and a coloring book for each of Kathy's girls and for her boys, I got them each a itunes card.  I am making coupons for Acer and Calli for Easter.  I got stickers for the coupons.  I also saw a Curious George book for about $10.  It had 8 stories in it.  I have already read 2 to Acer.  Calli was listening too.  Heather and family went to go and listen to some music tonight at a coffee shop.  I am sure they are all having a good time.  Both kids took a rest this afternoon so they could stay out late tonight.  My headache was too bad to go to choir tonight.  I had hoped to be able to go, but I couldn't.  We will see what happens on Sunday.

Last night Bill put the breakfast nook together.  It is in the family room.  I will be able to use it for sewing.  I am hoping that Star and I will start sewing together.  I still have trouble sewing by myself.  I am glad I know how to so.  I have made some really nice clothes.  I want to start sewing again.  I am going to teach Calli how to sew this summer.  She is just so busy with school and studying as well as her activities that she doesn't have time.  Summer will be here soon enough.  Calli and Acer will be very busy in the summer too with all the camps they go to.  There are so many things that the Lions Club do for the visually impaired.  I donate when the have the fundraising people in the intersections.

I am a bit more achy tonight than usual.  My knees have been rather achy a lot lately.  I am hoping that with the warmer weather coming I will not have such achy knees.  I do have a medium bad headache tonight so I didn't go to choir.  I have missed so much church and choir practice.  Tomorrow I have Physical Therapy and then a few lessons.  Acer will have his and I also have a new little one starting tomorrow.  I have all his books so that is good.  The one I had to order just came in yesterday so I went and picked it up this afternoon.  I also have Ellie's new Hymn Book.  I need to email her mom and let her know how much they were.  I will do the same for Ryan.

Time to read some more and then off to bed.

the adventure continues 3/26

The music room is shaping up nicely.  The three filing cabinets are in the room now.  I just have to work on adding the song lists to the 38 books that do not have that information.  I also need to work on finishing up the CD project.  Sammy and Gabby will be coming to put away all the music that is all over the house, or so it seems.  I have several piles in the family fun room and several piles in the dining room not to mention the piles that are in the music room.  I look forward to this being done.  Then we can work on the Little Man's room and the family room.  The dining room will clear out as the other rooms do.  All in all, things are progressing well.

I had to have another protime test today.  I will have to have another next week as my blood is not being cooperative.  I must miss my dose tomorrow and then lower another dosage for one more day so that on 2 days I will have one dose and the other 5 will be a different dose.  I hope this really helps because, well, I really want my blood to be where it should be.

I did hear from the doctor at the study.  I tried to call her back but she wasn't in today.  I will try again tomorrow.  I am not sure outside of she wants to talk about my medicines what she will tell me but that is okay.

I have been rather stiff these last few weeks for some reason.  It is probably the changing of the weather, but I am very stiff at night these days.  My headaches seem to be improving a bit.  There are still bad in the morning but not so bad at night this week.  I am hoping that is a sign that this new medicine will work for me.  Two chances I suppose as my mom used to say.  Either it will or it won't.  I am voting for the will.

The hematoma on my calf is still there.  It has been there for about 3 months now.  It is still really red and swollen.  It doesn't hurt unless I have been driving for a while or sitting in a different chair than what I usually sit in for a while.  It really hurt the other day when I was driving home.  I hope it goes away soon.  It feels rather strange to feel a hard lump on my leg.  Fortunately, it hasn't gotten any bigger or redder or more sore because that could be a sign of it turning into a blood clot.  Something I really, really, really, really don't want to have again.

I am counting down the days until I get to see Kathy!  4 more days until Easter Sunday and then I shall be with her and her family at her parents house.  Her parents are really nice and her mother cooks so good.  Believe me when I say, no one can leave the table hungry at Kathy's parents' house.  If they do, it is their own fault.  I almost have everything I need for Easter.  The students are getting their pencils and I have things in mind for Kathy's kids.  I just need to get something for the two young people who live here.  I will be asking Heather for suggestions.  It still seems weird to call someone else my name in my house but hey, at least I will never forget her name!  I plan to get my medicine and the Easter stuff on Thursday.  I have 2 refills at the Pharmacy right now.

I will have a few more students than I thought next week during Spring Break.  I like that kind of a surprise.  I have a few who are going to be out of town, but several will be home and coming for their lesson.  I am so lucky that I am able to teach the few lessons I can.  It keeps my mind off the pain but also it keeps the fog from getting worse.  There are days when it is really bad and I have to cancel lessons on those days.  Sometimes the pain is that bad and I can't think or do anything other than rest.

Well, it is getting a bit late and I think it is time for a little bit of reading before bed.