This week has had me in tears more than I have in a very very long time. I swear I felt like tears could just drop at any moment and not necessarily for any reason. Seriously! What was up with me this week? It actually started a week ago when I received a call on a bill and the person asked for Vivian, my mother. This was an account that about 14 years ago, I asked them to NOT ask for my mother. This was one of the rare times that someone has. It was like the second her name was said a brick wall fell on my chest, that is how much it hurt and how fast the wind was knocked out of me. At that time, I asked the person to call who needed to be called. Again today, it happened. I said please do not ask for my mother, she passed away 15 years ago and it hurts to hear someone ask for her. Then the person said oh I see hear it does say to not ask for Vivian. I was ready to jump out of my skin because of how much I missed her this week. When you had a really great mom that you were so close to, it makes sense that you would miss her a lot. This doesn't mean I don't understand that she is in Heaven and is not going to be here when I wake up tomorrow, I do, it just means that we were really close and had an awfully lot in common.
So, thankfully, it is Friday! I was able to get some things done this week too.
I have had this weird pain thing that had begun a few months ago. I have a lot of pain in my lower back anytime I have any stiffness when getting up in the morning or in the middle of the night. It can be up to a 9/10 or really close to a 10/10. Yes, if does go away when the stiffness does, it just hurts so much while it is happening. I find if I stay sitting up still for about 5 minutes before I move off my bed that it makes it easier to walk out the stiffness and the pain.
How much more of a burden can I get?
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