Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Anniversary of Momma's passing

Well, the most hated day of the year has past and I survived with flying colors!  For all my paralyzing fear of the day, October 18, I was fine.  It was even a fun day as after lessons we drove to our friend's house and had dinner there.  It was really good.

My anxiety goes into overdrive when the date of October 18 rolls around and as it inches closer, well, more and more fear creeps into me causing the extreme paralyzing fear.  This year makes the 4th year since Momma passed away.  I don't think she would be happy with the paralyzing fear but I also don't think she would be surprised since she did know what my anxiety was like.  I get this way around her birthday too.  It is just insane.  It isn't like those are the only 2 days a year that I think and remember her, I think of her everyday.

I am proud that I did do well on that day.  We had things planned and that was good but I didn't feel the urge to lie down and cry all day either, which is what I did the first 2 years after Momma died.  All I did the first year, I think, was cry.

I talked to Heather BT about this paralyzing fear and she said when I feel it coming on to speak with her so I will.  She is very calm and can help me calm the fear with such good things.  I am so thankful.  Kathy is the same way.

Here is an absolutely adorable picture of the Peony girl doggie.  She makes everything bright in my life.  I never knew, until Maisy, how wonderful a dog's love could be.  Here is also a picture of Maisy.  I miss her, but she is in Heaven with Momma so Momma isn't lonely for me.  Maisy is the top picture and Peony is the bottom picture.

I love them both soooooo much!!!!!  Peony is such a friendly little one.  Maisy was friendly to kids and women.  She was so afraid of men.  Dogs just fill my heart full of love!!!!!!


  1. Aw I know how you feel. It is always hard, even years later, losing a furr baby. But they are not in any pain or fear or anything in Heaven and are having the best time ever and watching over us. Have you gotten or thought about getting another furr baby?

    By the way, my puppy/ my youngest is afraid of men too. I think it is because she was raised in the Amish culture the first 4 months of her life kept in a barn. So the lack of socialization and if the men were doing the disciplining, that would explain it. But I've been working with her and she is doing better but mainly watches my other two dogs go up to men first and then she sees that it's ok.

  2. I lost my mom 5 years ago on Oct. 4th. I think of her everyday, although the anniversaries get a little easier. I heard someone say that the person we are changes when we lose out mother, no matter how old we are. I am glad it was a little better for you this year.
    I am also a dog lover. I have two, a toy poodle and a poodle/chihuahua mix. Having fibro, they are what get me going in the morning. Peony looks so cute.