Wednesday, November 4, 2015

a headachy way to start the month!

It is November and we are enjoying some beautiful weather.  Unlike last year when it was 18 degrees and snow, it is 75 degrees and simply beautiful out.  Unfortunately, it doesn't do anything to take away the headache I now have.  I have 3 more lessons tonight but that will help distract me from the pain, I hope.  Nothing is worse than teaching with a bad headache.  It isn't too bad, yet, but it will get worse as the night goes on.  It is one of those types today.

Earlier today, Peony and I went visiting a friend.  We had lunch and a nice visit.  I am so glad we got to visit before the head got worse.  Donna is a nice lady.  She has so many health problems, wayyyyyy more than I do.  She is waiting for surgery again on her back.  She is older than me too but we get along very well.  Donna enjoys Peony too.  Peony loves everyone so she loves Donna.  She will sit on Donna's lap while we are in the car going to and from places.  You can see the joy on Peony's face as she does this.

I am so glad for Peony because much of the time at night, she comes in my room for a while to see me before she puts herself to bed in the other room.  She even let me pet her for a very lonnnnngggggg time on Sunday.  I think I was petting her for about 30 or so minutes.  We both were in Heaven.  Then she wanted me to read for a while, so I did.  I like to read before bed at night because it relaxes me and gives me a chance to focus on something other than pain.  Sometimes, though, I can't because the pain is too much but usually, I can, even if for a tiny bit.  Peony also gives me a good distraction and helps me to relax.  She is just the best little dog ever.  I love her so much.  I really do.

We are getting ready for the Christmas Recital around here.  Most everyone has picked their songs.  We plan on one song but just in case I am having everyone learn 2.  For the Spring Recital, we really could have had everyone do 2 songs but I didn't know that until it was too late.  This time, I am prepared.  We have about a month before the recital.  I have that long to make all the Christmas Gifts.  I am making candy sleighs.  I saw a picture on Facebook and saved it.  They look so adorable.  It is completely made with candy (candy canes, Hershey's miniatures, and I am not sure what other kinds of candy yet).  It will be fun to make too.

We are having corned beef for dinner tonight.  One of my favorite foods!!! I love corned beef!  I could eat the whole thing, possible in one sitting.  I am not sure as I have never done this, but in theory, I think I could.  Bill puts it in the crock pot first thing in the morning and C just added the vegetables.  It will be a nice family dinner.  We usually eat together every night except band night, if we can.  It is something I really appreciate.  I try to be done with teaching by the time Bill comes home from work so we are all eating together, then after dinner, C and I do the dishes.  I enjoy the time we have doing the dishes, no so much doing the dishes, although they are a piece of cake since we have a dish washer and have very little hand washing to do.  We just enjoy each others company.  I enjoy everyone's company in the house and treasure the time I get with each of them one on one.

Well, my student is here!!!!  Yay!!!!!

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Almost Halloween

I seem to be posting about 2 or 3 times a month now.  A far cry from when I posted everyday.  Life is just so full now with teaching part time and having a house full of people.  I like it though, a lot.  It is so much better from when I lived alone and was grieving so deeply.

Another year has past since the dear Momma has passed away.  It has been five years now.  Sometimes, it seems like a lifetime, others, like yesterday.  I will always miss her.  I know that now.  My friends who have lost a parent or parents, have told me this.  I met up with my friend, Jen, on Monday.  She lost her Dad a few years before I lost Mom.  She still misses him a lot too.  It has gotten easier as in I am used to her not being around anymore but not easier in the missing her part.  I suspect it never will get easier in that part.  I still find myself looking out and thinking, what a beautiful day, if only Momma were here.  I did pretty well on the anniversary itself.  I was pleased.  I took my friend, Donna out for a drive and we had ice cream in honor of Momma and her love of ice cream.  She really loved ice cream.  I mean, it was her favorite food, ever.  We stopped into McDonald's and got a cone for each of us.  They are big cones too!  It was nice to talk to her about Momma because she misses her too.  Donna and Momma were good friends.  I just wish Donna had known her before the Alzheimer's kicked in but such is life.

This week has been a good week.  It flew by.  I can't believe it is Sunday again.  Time flies around here.  I have a new student this Saturday.  A singer.  I am excited about this.  Mondays are completely filled at this point.  I can have about 3 or 4 more students and then I am completely filled.  Saturday is completely filled also.  I can only have about 4 a day because of exhaustion problems and they can't be in a row because that also causes much exhaustion.  Monday I have breaks in between lessons.  Saturdays I have a break too.  They are very important.  I can't over exhaust myself because that is how I end up in the hospital with headache problems or bleeding problems.  I don't know how I get bleeding problems from exhaustion but I have before.  Mostly, I get bad, uncontrollable headaches from exhaustion.  I do have a few more than I used too, which is awesome.  That means more bills get paid.

This weekend was a lot of fun.  Friday, C and I watched the 2nd of the Harry Potter movies.  I gave the audio description for her.  It was hard because of all the dialog.  There wasn't as many lulls in the dialog to explain what was going on.  Then Saturday, I had 3 lessons: P.J. (my autistic boy) - piano, Isabelle - voice, and Hannah - voice.  I took a nap after that.  Later that evening, C and I watched the 4th Harry Potter movie.  We couldn't watch the 3rd one because I no longer have it.  I loaned a former (she was my student when I loaned them to her) the 2nd to 7A movies and she didn't return the 3rd or 6th movie.  I was not happy.  At this point, no Harry Potter movies will ever go out again.  I do hope that eventually they will have audio description on them and re-release them.  I doubt it, but it would be nice.  I am not sure when we will see another one but one never knows when C has no homework and is available.  All depends on her schedule!  She is such a busy young lady!!!!  Today, A is back from camp and our friend AE is here also.  He went to camp with A.  AE's siblings will be arriving sometime soon.  I haven't seen them in a few weeks.  He has a great family and we are very close.  I often will go and watch the kids overnight.  It is a lot of fun when I do.  I want to go see a movie with their mom, Elle soon.  I want to see the movie, "The Intern".  It looks so funny.  I love Anne Hathaway. I just love her in every movie I have seen.

Halloween is Saturday.  I don't particularly like Halloween.  I don't like the gore or scary stuff.  That is just me.  A will go out trick or treating while C will pass out candy.  I will hide inside as usual and read or something.  I just don't do Halloween.  I won't go out at all if I have my way.  I don't know if I will or not.  Momma loved the costumes on Halloween of the little kids so she loved passing out candy.  Me? I stayed inside and listened to her go on and on.  Sometimes, I would come and look.  Christmas is more my speed.  That is when people are generally nicer to each other and think of other people, which I like.  I also love buying presents for my friends and family.  I know what I am making my students this year.  It will be fun, I hope.  I am excited about it.  I know what I am getting my family too and my friends, the few I exchange presents with.

Well, this is pretty long now.  I hope this week is great.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Monthly Blood Test Day

Today was the day I saw my hematologist for the monthly blood test.  Because I take blood thinners, I have to have it checked every month to make sure it is in therapeutic range.  I don't mind because I don't ever want to have a blood clot again.  It was awful, simply awful.

The myofacial pain is better today than it was on Sunday.  My teeth pain is better too.  Unfortunately, my sinus pain hates me, which is to be expected in this weather.  It happens every fall.  It is just the way it is.

I have had all my lessons this week.  I hope to get a few more, then I will have enough to keep me busy enough without exhausting me.  How I used to do 50 and 60 a week, seems to blow my mind but I was so much healthier then.  It was before my blood clot and the vasculitis.  They seemed to have made the fibro and definitely made the headaches worse.  The only thing I hate about fall is the headaches seem to get worse at night again.  I find myself getting up at night and going downstairs to get some Advil.

This is a short one today.  I have a lesson arriving soon.  She is a really talented girl and super nice too. She works very hard.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Myofacial Pain

My face is very sore today, including teeth.  Not like my teeth are loose or I need to see a dentist type pain, the myofacial type tooth soreness.  When they touch, ow!  My jaw hurts too.  I am not trying to whine, really I am not, but I am in a bit more pain that usual.  I tried to nap twice to take my mind off the extra pain, but it didn't help.  What finally did?  A short drive.  Believe it or not.  I drove for about 45 minutes in the car with Peony.  I took a road that I knew was pretty to ride down and just drove.  I had gotten something to drink (a soda pop not the alcohol type of drink) and just drove.  She was such good company.  Then we drove home.  I felt ever so much better.  I think the Advil started to work too so that may be part of it but I was distracted and that was what I really needed.  If not, the pain gets out of the world out of control and then nothing works.  That is when I end up in the hospital because it will travel to the rest of my head and cause an uncontrollable migraine.  Those, I am trying to avoid so distraction therapy worked for today for this particular pain issue.  Will it work again?  *shrugs*  Who knows? It is a try and see what happens disease.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

It got really cold (compared to last weekend, which went to the low 90s) this weekend.  We were in the low 60s.  Now, normally, I am one happy camper about it because I can take the 60s better than the 90s but we had to turn the heat on because poor Peony was shivering last night.  Heather BT had to take her upstairs and literally put her in the middle of blankets as she was so cold to the bone.  She is fine today and sporting her cute pink monster sweater.  Peony is back to normal.  She is staying closer to us today as I would expect because she wasn't feeling well last night.  I took her with me and she was happy.  She has gone back and forth between me and Heather BT all day.  She was on my bed when I tried to take the naps that failed miserably.  That is actually normal for her.  She will lie on my bed with me when I nap.  It is like she knows I don't feel well and that I need her.  Peony will do the same for Heather BT.  It is an awesome thing to know she is there.  Sometimes, I will even find a toy or two on my bed after she gets off.

School is back into session and I am hoping for a few more students.  One more has now come back for lessons.  She has pneumonia now so no lesson this week but will start next week depending on, of course, how she is breathing as she plays the clarinet.  I just love her!  Her mom and I have know each other since I was about 9.  We went to the same church growing up and have stayed in touch through out the years.  Allie is such a nice girl too.  I look forward to seeing her again.  I have room for about 4 more students and then I will be full.  I don't know if Jessie is coming back.  I hope so as she was such a good pianist and student.  I just love her.  She was nice and funny.  We always had a good time with lessons too.  Jessie did really well with lessons.  I also hope that Krista comes back.  That I should know in the next week or two.  So if those two come back and then I get 2 new students, I am completely full and things will go good for me.  It would be nice and financially I will be able to pay all of the doctor bills too.  Right now things are so tight because I am not where I need to be.  I am getting there and I am sure I will soon.  It is just the beginning of the school year and it often takes time to get a full load.  I will have to wait and see.

The house is in the Harry Potter mode right now.  C is reading the books and she and I watched the first movie last night with me doing the audio commentary since it doesn't come with it.  If the movie people do put the audio commentary (doubtful) on it, I will re-buy the entire set for that reason.  C said I did a good job of the audio commentary.  Next up, when we can, is the second movie.  We may re-watch the first one so A can see and our friend, Star can do the audio commentary (she really wants to do this) but we will see.  A is interested but not super interested at this time.  I think as the year goes on and he hears more and more about HP, he will become more interested in it.  A did ask if I thought he would like them and I said yes because I do believe he will.  Perhaps not right now, but maybe in a year or two.  He is only 10 almost 11.  I am re-reading the books myself.  I am on book 6.  I can't read them in my room because the book is hardcover and too heavy for my hands to hold it up.  It just makes my hands ache so.  I plan to read it while the kids are in school and I am done with getting reading for teaching.  Normally, I read at night and in my room, but I will need to read the last two books down in the dining room.  I just can't hold them up.  I tried putting them on a pillow, folding the pillow in half, nothing worked.  It was just a mess so down in the dining room when kids are in school will have to do it for me.  I have other things to read at night in my room.  When the kids are doing homework in the dining room, I like don't like to be there because I feel that I distract them.  They get so distracted so easy as it is, so me being there makes it worse.  That is why I will not read the book when they are home unless they have no homework.  I just can't be a distractor for them.  Homework is too important and the distraction level is too high to begin with.  Besides, I love sitting in my room, in my pajamas, in my chair with Peony near by, reading after dinner and dishes are done.  It is usually only about an hour or two before bed anyways so it isn't like I am hiding out or anything for hours upon hours.  The peace and quiet is lovely to lose myself in a book.  Of course, if A or C need help with homework, I am there too.  Sometimes, they do and I help.  All depends on the day.  So far, they haven't had much but it has only been the first week of school.

It looks so beautiful out today.  The sky is blue, blue, blue with puffy white clouds.  The temperature isn't too bad with a hoodie on.  I have so many hoodies that I love.  They go with different jeans or pants that I have.  Flowers are still in bloom.  Heather BT is the master gardener in our house and she IS a master gardener.  She has planted some lovely plants and flowers in the flower beds around our house.  The one thing that hasn't changed is the only carpet rose plant that my mother planted for my graduation party for graduate school in 2001.  She planted 3 and only 1 has survived.  Heather BT plans to keep that as a tribute to my mother.  I am glad.  Everything else she will, as the seasons pass, change, I don't mind.  She can.  I have the one flower and that is all that matters.

Speaking of my mother, this year will be the 5th year since she passed away.  I miss her so much.  When C and I were at the part in the movie last night when Harry found the mirror of erised, I commented that I would want to see my mother.  Since the mirror shows our most desperate of deepest desires, I know that seeing her is my most deepest and desperate desire.  I know that someday we will be together again and we will never part but that doesn't stop me from missing her so much now.  I think about her everyday.  I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about her.  It isn't all sad either, I do think about happy things about her too.  I will think about her when I look at clouds and I smile because she loved making shapes out of the clouds when she saw them.  That makes me happy.

It is almost dinner time.  We are having squash and ham.  I love the kind of squash we are having.  Momma loved squash too.  The boys didn't.  They would roll their eyes at Thanksgiving dinner when Mom would serve herself a big bunch.  We all love squash here.  Do you like it?

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Hello September and hopefully less pain!!!!!

Hello September!  I am so glad to see you!!!!  I can't wait for the weather to go along with the month.  This weekend, Labor Day, is going to be hot for here.  Although, I have very little room to complain about the heat this summer as we have had very little of it.  Most of the time, it has been very very very nice.  Very few days with 90 degrees and above, which is rare for Michigan but I will take it.

Pain level these days has been not so good.  My headache has been bad, my sinus have been bad, and overall, I just haven't been feeling like myself.  I hope the cooler weather that later next week is to bring will help.  I can only hope.

I saw my brother over the weekend.  It was a nice visit.  I hadn't seen him in person in over a year.  I just wasn't able to but now I can.  I hope to see him again soon.  It is a long drive so I have to be in good shape that day in order to see him.  I was doing alright until I got home.  I ate something at lunch/dinner that I shouldn't have and oh my.  I was so dizzy and out of it.  I literally had to either lie down or I would have fallen down.  I was in bed by about 8 pm that night.  My tummy has been upset ever since too.  It is improving but it has been a rough road for me.  I had some beer cheddar soup that I think totally disagreed with me.  It tasted fine but I don't think it agreed with me because I didn't feel well shortly after eating it.  I won't have it again.  That is for sure.  I will think twice about this.  I think next time maybe I will get a salad instead of soup.  It is a nice restaurant and they have good food.  I just tried something different and well, sometimes that is just not good.

I have 3 lessons today.  My Sammy has a bad headache so she is coming on the weekend instead.  Bob had a makeup from yesterday this afternoon, Alexis will have her lesson, and Quinn will have her makeup lesson from yesterday too.  Bob plays piano and has been playing piano with me for over 10 years.  He plays very good.  I am pleased with his progress.  He learns theory along the way also.  Alexis is new to me and she also plays piano.  She had another teacher who moved before she came to take lessons from me.  I am pleased with her progress too.  Quinn is a singer and simply adorable.  She is 7 and is very serious about singing.  She practices a lot.  Quinn does everything I ask her too.  Basically, she is a great student to have.

Peony had gotten a new harness on Sunday.  She chewed through it today.  Now we need to get her a new one so she can't go outside until we get her a new one.  We don't have a collar for her either since we use a harness for her.  I was not happy with her over this one.  Silly puppy.  You are supposed to chew your harness off.  It was only side but still, enough where she can't use it.  The last one Q broke during their wrestling time so that is why we had to get a new one.  I don't know but I think we are shopping tonight.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Summer is almost over!!!!!

I am so glad that summer is almost over.  I don't do well in extreme heat, like today or the extreme cold.  Fall and spring are much better for me, especially fall.  I sleep better in cooler, not cold, temperatures.  Last night I had the fan on all night long as it was so hot in my room.  It really hasn't been too bad without a/c.  I really can't complain.  This summer has been nice without too many days too hot.  Today just happens to be one of them.  I am cooler right now with the lovely fan directly in front of me.  I will move it into the living room when I teach this afternoon.

Little man and I have had a good afternoon so far.  He and I went to a store and he got a new toy.  He is very excited about it.  Currently, he is playing on it downstairs.  Little Man is one thrilled boy.  I love that he is thrilled with the toy.

Miss Missy and I have been reading Harry Potter together.  She has been putting this off for months.  I kept telling her she would like it but she kept ignoring me.  Well, one day last week, I pulled out my first book and started reading out loud to her.  She went and got her braille copy and followed along.  She is now on the 3rd part of the braille copy of the first book.  Miss Missy loves the Harry Potter book!  I am one thrilled girl about that!  I knew she would if she would just give it a chance.  She just had to give it a chance.

I have been waking up earlier lately.  I don't know why.  It is kind of weird.  About an hour to and hour and a half earlier.  Very, very, very weird.  I have no reason why either.  I have been going to bed about the same time.  Perhaps because it gets warmer in my room earlier?  I don't know.  Miss Missy is glad that I am up earlier no matter the reason.  Of course, this often means I need a nap in the afternoon.  I have no time for one today.  I have lessons right during nap time.  I will be busy so that is okay.  I think I take more naps when I don't have as much too do.

I am rather achy today.  It is because of the weather.  That much I know.  It is suppose to cool off a bit tonight so it should be better then.  I will be happy about that.  My right elbow has been pretty sore lately.  Right at the trigger spot.  It hurts on and off and has for months now.  Sometimes, it hurts so much I can't even lift stuff with that arm and it is my right arm.  I am right handed.  Naturally, when I went to the arthritis doctor, it didn't hurt much that day so she didn't see it in action.

Well, I am going to read for a bit.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Hot Summer Days

It has been the typical hot July days here now.  I expected them eventually and they have finally arrived.  Today it was 90 degrees out but I was cool and comfy inside with the windows shut to keep the heat out and the fan on me!  Nice and comfy!  Peony has been comfy too!  Today was a mostly Peony and me day.  I love these days.  Also, ABC family has a Harry Potter marathon on so that is what I am watching.  I started with number 6 as I didn't know the marathon was on until then.  Definitely a good way to spend the afternoon and evening!

Earlier, my precious princess pup and I went for a bit of a drive.  It was nice and relaxing.  We drove for about an hour.  I just wanted to get out of the house for a bit so we went.  Peony loves car rides, fortunately for me.  We enjoyed ourselves immensely, being together.  I came home and did the dishes right after that.  I was on my own for dinner so it was a Panera dinner for me.  I love their Greek salads.  I always get it with chicken.

I have a busy week coming up so I am very glad about that.  I will be meeting 2 friends on 2 different days too.  Cathy and her daughter for dinner and Mollie and her sons for lunch.  I am excited about that.  It should be rather fun.  I believe so that is for sure.  I haven't seen Cathy and Ally since May nor have I seen Mollie since early June.  Both are overdue for a visit.  I try to visit as much as possible.  I will see an old friend, Sue next week.  I haven't seen her in about 16 years so that will be good.

Peony is in the living room barking at something outside.  She does this often.  It is quite cute when she does this.  I find it rather amusing.  She will run back and forth from my room to the living room and then do it again.  She is back by my side for a few seconds again.

My cousin, Wilbert passed away yesterday.  He had dementia.  He didn't know who he was anymore.  Wilbert had pneumonia.  He and Momma were first cousins.  Once they were very close, then they drifted apart, and then they met up again.  I was with Momma when she met up again with them.  I have been close to his wife, Tilley every since.  I have mixed emotions about his passing.  He was an abusive man in his adult life, which is why Momma drifted away.  When I knew him, he was no longer physically abusive.  I mourn the man I knew, the non abusive one, the one who was kind to me, the one he was before he forgot who he was.  That is the man I mourn.  As for the family, I know they are conflicted with who they mourn.  Do the remember the good times, or the bad?  I know there were some good times, but I also know the bad so out weigh the good.  Abuse ran so much in our family.  For my particular nuclear family, it stopped with Momma.  She never abused us.  She was abused as a child so she knew what it was like and stopped it with her.  For her siblings, I am not sure.  I don't think my aunt was physically abusive but she was verbally.  I don't know about my two uncles for sure, but I suspect my one uncle was based on what one of my cousin's has said in the past.  As for the other, I don't know at all.  Abuse can be such a bad circle for families.  I am glad it stopped with Momma.  Of course, we didn't know anything about my grandfather's abuse while he was alive.  Only after he died did we learn about what he did to her and what a monster he truly was to her and her siblings.  One time, he hit her in the face so hard she went flying backwards in the chair and landed on the ground.  I cried when I heard that.  that was just one story that I heard.  I heard so many.  Momma didn't like to talk about so my aunt and uncles told us.  The grief of my cousins will be a different journey than mine was of my mother.  I still walk that journey.  Some days it is okay, others not so good.

I hope your week is going to be good!!!  I am looking forward to my lessons and my visits with friends.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Fibro and the Heat

It is very hot for us right now.  Not like it is in the south, but hot enough.  I ache more in the super cold and the heat so right now, I am aching a lot more than usual.  It happens every year.  I feel it more this year because our a/c has died and needs to be replaced and like so many I know, we just don't have the money to replace it.  Or rather, if I replace it and the furnace goes, we are in deep trouble so the best choice was to wait and see what happens with the furnace.  So far, until yesterday, it actually hadn't been so bad.  Low 80s, high 70s, not much humidity, it was really nice.  Then yesterday, yup, summer is here!  We are heading for lower temps again this week, so that will be good.  I have several tops that are very light and I have a trusty good fan so does most everyone in the house so we are all set.  My fan has been brought down to the kitchen right now so it is blowing on those of us sitting at the dining room table.  It works.  It was quite comfy, temp wise, although very achy, with the fan blowing in my room last night.  I hope it is again tonight.  We have an attic fan too that helps pull the hot air out upstairs.  I am afraid I have gotten quite spoiled with this a/c we have had for the last 20 years.  We didn't have a/c in the house growing up.  It was put in in 1995.  I was a grateful girl then.  It was right before I started really getting sick.

Summer has been okay so far.  I have a few students who have stopped for the summer, which is always sad as I miss them.  Most of them stay.  I don't have a lot of students as I am just not healthy enough to teach that many.  I do have 2 new ones starting tomorrow so that is good.  It helps balance out the ones that quit.  I have the books we need already.  Acer and I picked them up on Thursday.  I like taking him with me because he is good company and he likes going to music stores.

I hope summer is good for you so far.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

A Life of Hope

It is weird in a way because with all the health issues I have, I am hopeful that someday there will be a cure for this.  That someday we will all be free of pain and free of all the other symptoms we have.  I just know that we will.  When, well, who knows?

I find it easier to live being hopeful despite my high anxiety because when I focus on hope and living well, I am in less pain and less fatigue.  I also have a beautiful way to lessen my anxiety by hugging and cuddling Peony, our gorgeous doggie.  I love her so much.  Between Maisy and Peony I have really learned how dogs or pets in general, can really lower anxiety and provide so much love.  I miss Maisy, I loved her so much.  I am thankful for all that she taught me.  I believe that she is in Heaven playing away everyday with many other furry friends of ours.  I also believe she has met my mother, who was my biggest support when I became ill.  She stood by me and really believed me when no one else did.  I could tell her exactly how I felt and knew that she would believe me.  I miss her an awful lot too.

I have had a good weekend so far.  Last night, I went to spend the night at my friend's house to watch her children.  I simply adore her children.  They are very good kids and generally get along okay.  I do have rules that they have to be nice to each other but generally they are good.  The oldest, Angus (15) and I ended up staying up until 1:45 am watching a movie.  Oh my, I am so tired from it.  I did enjoy the movie a lot.  We also watched the first Hobbit movie, which I have seen before, once but it was nice to see again.  I really enjoyed watching the movies with Angus.  Rose (9) and Hayden (10) ended up going to bed late because I didn't realize what time it was.  Tasha (13) was upset because she went to bed on time and didn't get to stay up later.  I said it was my fault they went to bed late, not them so too bad.  She was not happy about that but she did go to bed.  I love these kids.  I had to leave earlier than I would have wanted to because I had a lesson at 2 and it was over an hour drive home.  I hope to see them again rather shortly.

The kids are coming this weekend!  I am so excited!!!!  How exciting!  It will be great!  I wonder if I will end up with 5 again meaning the neighbor girl across the street, Bella, (Rose's friend) will come and spend a night too?  It doesn't matter.  Either way works.

Well, dinner will be done soon.  Peony is sitting under my chair and I love rubbing my foot against her fur!

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

High Anxiety for No Reason

Some days, for absolutely no reason, my anxiety kicks into high gear.  Today would be one of them.  i don't know why, it just did.  My stomach is in knots and I am feeling very very shaky.  I have 3 lessons like normal so that isn't it.  We had a good weekend, so I have no idea what is up with me.  Sometimes, it just happens this way.  There isn't anything I can do about, not really.  I try to relax, but it doesn't happen.  Maybe by tonight it will be better.

I would have to say, outside of the pain, anxiety is the 2nd thing I hate most about fibro because I can't control it.  I can't go to bed early or take a nap and improve it that way.  I do take medicine and that helps most of the time except for days like this.

So far, my 4:30 has seemed to have forgotten about her piano lesson.  Sad face.  I will call her mom for a make up lesson later this evening.  She does do make up lessons so that is good.  I really like this student a lot.  She is such a sweet girl and a good pianist.

Peony is lying on the floor next to me.  She is such a comfort.  Oh, something cute she did yesterday.  I decided to go to Starbucks and get a small Vanilla Bean drink.  Well, I learned that Peony looooves whip cream.  To the point that she actually had some of my drink.  Literally.  I put my drink with my straw in my cup holder and when I went to take a drink, my straw was gone and so was my whipped cream.  Yeah, she took the straw and did who knows what and had my whipped cream.  One drink down the tubes.  Never will I go to Starbucks with the little Peony in the car with me again.  It was funny though although I really wanted that drink!

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Fibro Awareness Day!

May 12 is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.  Every year or most every year, our Michigan group puts on a conference.  I wasn't able to attend this year as I had teaching commitments that really couldn't get out of.  I am sure it went wonderfully and people learned an awful lot.  I am meeting one of my friends who went and was on the staff so I will be hearing about the latest updates so that is good.

My journey is so familiar to everyone I know who has fibro.  I actually had my first flare up at 17 years old.  I stayed home from school for about 6 weeks.  The school threatened to make me take my junior year over.  Momma argued with them and won.  I am not surprised.  They just couldn't out argue the major.  (My momma was a major in the Canadian Army)  Trust me, no one messed with the major, especially us kids, well me.  My brothers messed with her a lot.  Anyways, I digress.  6 weeks later, I went back to school to take exams and then was summer vacation.  I was in marching band, choir, and on the Pom Pom squad at the time.  I was also a dancer taking dance classes.  I loved to dance but when the flair hit, everything hurt.

After that, I was fine for a couple of years except for headaches that happened quite often and the occasional unexplained pain.  I didn't really start developing bad headaches until about 21 years old when I had my first long term headache.  I was in college at Wayne State University majoring in music.  I was still dancing at my dance studio, both teaching and taking classes.  Overall, I danced about 5 to 6 hours a night during the week and about 6 to 7 hours on Saturday while working at Arby's on Sunday. I had a bad headache for 6 months straight.  i missed classes when it was super bad, I missed dance classes, I missed work, it was awful.  Mom took me to a few doctors, they didn't say much.  Mom finally stopped because there wasn't anything they gave me that worked.  Nothing stopped the headache until one day it was gone.  We were like, that is really weird, but okay, it is gone, let's go with that so we did.  Back to classes in school, back to dance, back to work.  No problem for a few more years until I graduated from WSU.  Three months after graduating, the unexplained pain was back, the headache was back.  I was only teaching at this point.  The dance studio had closed and I was looking for a new one until the pain hit.  We decided to look in the fall since this was summer and I was in so much pain.  We didn't know what to do!  Mom took me back to doctor after doctor.  My doctor didn't know what to do.  The only doctor that would have was hers, only we didn't think to take me there.  Hindsight is so 20/20!  After the last doctor told my mother I was emotional disturbed and only wanted her attention (she was furious at this) we stopped going and figured we were on our own.  Test and test were negative except for the initial arthritis test.  Further arthritis tests were negative.  Mom said I should rest unless I am teaching, so I did.  I rested and rested and rested.  I would get up in the morning with her (well, to me the middle of the night since she got up at 5 am) and got showered and dressed.  I then ate breakfast and went back to bed.  I got up for lunch and went back to bed.  The joke in the house was if I was home and you didn't know where I was I must be in bed.  It wasn't funny to Momma and me.  After a few months of resting and getting worse momma said this isn't working.  So she tried something new.  We tried exercising.  She would still have me get up early but before I got out of bed she would rub my legs and do leg lifts with them.  Also, I had gained weight because of stopping dance.  You can't go from dancing as much as I did to practically bedridden and not gain weight.  It is impossible so add the extra pounds on top of the pain.  then she would help me up and move my arms.  this helped.  I still had pain, but it was beginning to be manageable.  I could do enough where I could work at home with another job and teach in the afternoon and evening.

We did this for several years until I got vasculitis.  I got vasculitis in March of 2003.  It starts off like you think you are getting a cold.  You get a runny nose.  One like you have never had.  It constantly and I mean constantly runs.  I literally woke every couple hours to blow my nose.  Then the headache starts, then the rash.  The rash is where the blood vessels are inflamed and pushing up against your skin.  It is extremely painful.  Add this to fibro and well yeah, you get the picture.  It also affects the palms of your hands and the soles of your feet.  It is hard to walk because the soles of your feet hurt to put pressure on.  Closing your hands hurt because of the pain your palms have.  For some reason, I will never know, I was lucky, so lucky that I will forever be so grateful, the vasculitis left my body.  It usually doesn't.  It takes about 3 to 4 months to flare up and down and then it starts all over again.  For me, I just had one flare up and it went.  I am so thankful about that.

What it did leave me with was a worse case of fibro.  Because I was having more pain issues and we weren't sure what it was, I didn't think it was the vasculitis but I didn't know.  I chose to go to the vasculitis center at the Cleveland Clinic.  Mom and I drove there and we stayed overnight because we had an early appointment.  They were awesome.  I had CT scans and X-Rays done.  When I was with the doctor and the physician assistant, they answered all my questions.  We were with them for about 45 minutes.  The said they believed that the vasculitis was gone.  Finally, I asked, then what is it?  I was stiff in the morning, I ached all over, all day, and so on.  they asked questions and did the trigger point test.  (I didn't know that is what it was)  I jumped at pretty much all of them.  Then they felt my face.  Whoa, that hurt so much.  That was when I was diagnosed with the Fibro.  The doctor sent a letter to my doctor (who was also momma's doctor, you know the one from years ago) and he asked why did I not ever tell him.  I told him what had happened.  He said we couldn't have been dealing with this years ago instead of just now.  Yup, I felt like an idiot.  But we had a diagnosed and that was what was important.  Finally, a name to know what was wrong with me.  I finally felt like I wasn't faking it even though I never had.  Mom was relieved, I was relieved.  My brothers were like, you mean there really is something wrong with her?  Wow, who knew?  Mom said, I did.  They never bothered me about that again.  It is such a relief when you get a diagnosed.  I felt like I had something to work with.  I knew there would be info about it because I had a good friend who has it also.  I went to a conference.  I bought books.  I read whatever I could about it.  I just kept reading and reading until I had a plan to follow.

Fibro Day is so important to let people know about this so they know they are not crazy and losing their minds.  That there really is something wrong with them and what they can do to help themselves.  It is pretty well known now compared to 12 years ago when I was diagnosed and definitely from when one of my good friends was diagnosed.  So let's celebrate the day with lots of info for people!

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Sunday - a day of rest????

It has been a busy day so far.  I had a meeting with the music association I belong too.  It wasn't too long and it went well.  Unlike some of the old ones that would last for hours and had much gossip (which I hate!) in them, these are efficiently done.  We go through the minutes and boom, we are finished.  I like that in a meeting.  It was about the competition in February.  We used to have them in March but now they are in February.  I prefer them in March but I can't remember why they are in February now.

I came home and got Peony out of her crate so we could go and get gas.  It was needed.  She was so cute and pretty well behaved on the trip.  I drive a bit extra to a place that pumps the gas for me.  It is about 5 or so miles away instead of just the one right down the road, but since I can't stand the smell of gas, it makes me nauseous, I go the extra miles to have them pump the gas for me.  Peony loves car rides so she doesn't mind the extra miles either.

I worked on some music when I came home and now, on to my post.

My head is a bit more sore than earlier today now.  It is so nice out, with the temperature just beautiful and the sun shining.  The clouds are puffy white ones and they look wonderful when I see them.  However, along comes my headache stuff.  I get so discouraged with them at times.  I really do because they never seem to end.  The daily one I have completely given up hope on the doctor ever being able to stop it or break it.  The bad ones are better so I have hope that maybe they will one day not be so bad and be able to have more days in between without bad headaches.  I sure hope so.

Well, I am going to lie down for a while.  My head is just not happy with me at this point.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A better week!

The Earth Day Festival performance went well.  There were a few glitches here and there plus a few things that could have been better but overall I was pleased with how the kids did.  Bob did very well with his conducting for the first time and so did Acer, although he has conducted before.  My anxiety is back to normal now so I am glad about that!  It got very high and I had the worst time trying to sleep!  However, now it is over and we are on to the spring concert material.  Many students have picked out pieces.  It looks like the concert will be in late May or June.  I am fine with that so that is good.  As long as we have one, that is all that matters.

My headaches are getting out of control again.  The back of my head to the front of my head, at night, can be so painful.  Fortunately, it isn't every night like it used to be, but I think my super high anxiety brought them back out of control.  I hope that by this weekend they will be just like normal.  That is my hope anyway.

My sinus infection has finally gotten better!!  Yay!  It lasted about 3 weeks and for the first time in forever, (hey, isn't that a song?? tee he he) I was actually knocked out for 5 days with it.  I had to actually cancel 5 days of lessons!  It was unreal!  I am back to normal sinus wise and happy about that too.  Part of the problem was lightheadedness.  I was so lightheaded that I thought I was going to pass out if I sat up too long.  I am fine now.

Spring has FINALLY sprung here!  Yes, warmer weather!  Hoodie weather!  Short sleeve weather!  Almost summer dress weather.  I love how the flowers grow and the grass turns green!  Just the new growth that comes with spring.  We did have some snow this month but I hope that is over as Friday is May Day.  I appreciate flowers and gardens, I just don't like to work in them at all.  I do not have the knack of growing things like my mother had.  She could just smile at a flower and it would grow.

Well, dinner is now here so I better wrap this up!  Have a great day!

Monday, April 20, 2015

back to blogging and the anxiety filled week ahead

My desktop computer has died.  Yup, it breathed its last breath last month and well, needless to say I have been at my wits end with it.  Everything was up to date on it, pictures, my bank account, my music catalogue, and oh my.  Well, I have this beautiful little laptop that is one year older than the desktop and it still works.  That is what I am currently using.  I am dreading updating the catalogue though because it was up to date on the big one and not this one.  If only it would start up once more so I can copy the catalogue and pictures.  Alas, it won't.

Anyways, that was then, this is now.

My students are going to perform for the big Earth Day festival this weekend and my anxiety is rather high about it.  We have never done this before.  I am excited about it too, but nervous at the same time. We had the last rehearsal yesterday and things went okay.  Nothing spectacular but not horrible either.  Each knows what to work on so I feel that Sunday will go well, it's just that my anxiety is high.  I am working on trying to stay calm and I am doing okay with that so that is good.

Spring is finally here!!  We FINALLY seem to be done with snow.  I am so tired of snow and cold.  I got a sinus infection about a week and a half ago but it is almost gone so that is also good.  I was out for 5 days.  I just couldn't do anything but sleep, including teaching.  Yup, I was that bad.  I think I slept for 5 days straight.  We had rehearsal for one of the days and Bob pretty much ran it for me.  I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't.  I was so dizzy and foggy not to mention I felt horrible.  I am on the mend and boy am I glad about that!

So, other than the Earth Day festival, not to much going on around here.  Peony is doing well.  She is such good company when I have high anxiety.  She really is.  Peony is such a beautiful dog.  I love her so much.

I do hope you are enjoying your spring!!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

bad headache day

Sometimes I wish I could just take a magic wand and wave it over my head to banish my headache away.  It would be nice, wouldn't it?  Of course, we all don't live in the world of Harry Potter or any other magical land so it is not possible.  It is simply a fantasy.

Peony and I tried, well, okay, I tried to take another nap today but Peony kept me up.  When everyone comes home I will try again.  I will take my break through meds and head for bed.  It just stinks that it is so bad.  The back of my head has been the worst lately.

I do hope it gets better.

Peony helps my anxiety a lot.  Here is another great picture of her.  I hope you like it.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

A New Year!

Happy New Year!!!  I do hope that 2015 is a great year for all of us!!!

My goal is to work on anxiety.  I am not saying that I am getting off my medication and will be able to control it all by my little onesy.  No, no, no, I am saying that the part that I can control, I am going to work on controlling better.  I am not going to try to get off my meds at this point.  Without them, I would be a wreck and well I know it because when I lost the music store in August 2008, I literally, overnight had to stop most of my medicine due to no prescription coverage and that meant no anxiety medicine.  I survived until right after my mother died.  At that point, I was a mess, a complete and utter mess.  I went to see my doctor and he prescribed me my medicine.  He was floored that I stopped cold turkey and didn't tell him.  He is such a caring doctor.  He said I need to speak to him about these things because there are things we can do to help.  Well, I didn't know and at the time, I was so depressed I couldn't think.  I just couldn't.  I know better now.

Christmas Eve and Day were wonderful.  I spent them with Kathy and her family at her parents place.  It was so lovely.  I really enjoyed myself.  The kids loved what they got and I got 2 gift certificates that I loved.  It was awesome.

I was very wiped out between Christmas and New Year's.  I slept quite a bit because of it.  I think I had just pushed myself too much for the holiday getting everything done.

New Year's Eve, we had friends over and it was great fun.  We played games and I managed to stay up until midnight.  Of course, I was exhausted on New Year's Day but Peony and I took a nap and that took care of that.

Since then, I have been battling major fatigue again.  I am not sure if it is because of the cold or what.  I have had to give up caffeine as it adds to my stomach issues so I don't know if that is part of the problem or not.  I no longer drink caffeinated drinks unless I am out and forget to order milk, which is what I prefer with a meal anyway but sometimes I forget.  I still get an upset stomach every night even with the giving up of foods that cause acid so I am not sure what will happen when I see my tummy doctor next week.  Perhaps we will be looking at my gallbladder?  I just don't know.  It is very hard to say.

Anyways, it has been a nice weekend.  Kathy celebrated her birthday yesterday by not going out.  I called to wish her happy birthday.  It was very cold yesterday.  We are in January and well, January can get rather chilly here. Stay warm!