Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year's Eve

I can't believe it is New Year's Eve already!  I am heading out to my friend, Heather B-T's for the evening. I haven't been out anywhere for this night in so long that I can't remember the last time I wasn't home.  Oh wait, yes I do, it was 2006 and Richard's family and Mom and I were at Disney's Vero Beach.  We went for a week after Christmas.  The hotel had a New Year's Eve party that we went too.  Mom and I didn't last until Midnight, but we had a very good night anyhow.  We lasted until about 10:30 ish and then we went back to our room and went to bed.  It was a wonderful vacation.  I had joined the Disney Vacation Club that year and we loved being a part of it.  It was so awesome, but unfortunately, we couldn't stay members as we just didn't have the money anymore.  I hope to join again someday.  I really liked it.  We went to Disney something like 4 times in 3 years plus the Vero Beach Resort.

Looking back at that holiday, Mom and I had a blast, but then again, we usually did when we were together.  That was the year she bought me my scooter.  At first Richard was like, take it back, I'll push her like always, but then Momma explained that it wasn't just for that vacation, that it was for home too.  Once he saw that it was easier on everyone, especially him, he liked it a lot.  It really is nice to have because often on vacations I am left behind because of my lack of mobility and with the scooter, I could go too.  We went on many walks as a family on that trip.  I have used it on other trips too and it is the best thing I could have gotten.  We took it to Seattle with us too when we went to visit Richard and family.  I scooted around Seattle so easily with them.  I could keep up and that was important to me.  If I had to walk I would have missed out on so many things.  Mom liked the scooter too.  She would put her hand on the handle and walk beside me all the time.  I use a scooter to go shopping too.  It is part of the reason I go to Walmart's because they have scooters there for customers' to use.  Mom would hold my hand for that and walk beside me.  We would go very slow because Momma couldn't walk very fast that last spring and summer but she liked to go.  It made her feel important to go and get stuff with me.

I hope that this evening is a lot of fun for you.  I am looking forward to going and playing games with friends.  Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Almost the end of the year, oh my!

It is hard to believe that the year is almost over.  Hard to believe that a year ago, Momma was here with me doing pretty well.  We had a good time for New Year's Eve and Day.  We played games like monopoly, life, sorry, games like that.  We loved playing them together.  Now I am alone, and struggling to get through this.

I had two lessons today, Rachel and Rebecca.  It went well.  Rebecca has decided she wants to change her inspirational song for competition, not a problem, I have other choices for her.  She has a good book with the CD to see what she likes or she can see what else I have.  So far, Katie, Rachel, and Rebecca are coming along getting ready for competition.  I am pleased with the way it is going so far.  All students are doing well.  I will spend the next week getting music ready for Kayla, my new one.  She is 12 and goes to school near by here.  They are about 5 miles from me.  I am excited to meet her.  I seem to come alive during teaching and not very much any other time.

I didn't sleep very well last night.  I slept in until about 1 pm.  I was shocked, that is two times this week I have slept that late.  I am just having trouble figuring out when to take my nighttime medicine that will help me go to sleep at a good time.  The new pain medicine helps me sleep better so that is good.  That combined with my sleep medicine, helps me sleep better although I still wake up with pain during the night and have to get up to stretch out the pain before getting back into bed.  I am getting used to sleeping by myself in the house.  I miss having Mom in the house though.  It was more comfort having another person in the house at night than sleeping by myself, but I can't really do anything about that.  I am used to being alone most of the time.  I still don't really like it, i am more of a need people around me person, but I am used to it.  There is just so much that miss Momma for.  She was my constant companion and I liked it.  I know I am supposed to be liking this being by myself, according to family, but the bottom line is, I liked being with Mom.  I miss doing things with her, simple things like going to the music store today.  I needed a new bookkeeping book for next year.  She would always look to see what was new in sheet music when we would go.  She would look through the music for voice, piano, or for the woodwinds, to see if there was something that needed to be added to my library.  It was fun for her and for me.  Now, I can't buy any new music, but that doesn't really bother me because I have what I need.  Yes, there is always stuff I would like, but I don't need anything.  Right now, i am doing well with what music I have.  If my students cannot find something they want to sing or play with what I have, then they have a problem.  I have 3 file cabinets full of music so I have plenty.  Yes, someday, I would like to be able to replace all the music that is missing, but I have replaced the stuff I really needed and the rest can wait.

I do hope that things are better in 2011.  I am going to be actively looking for more students.  I am also going to focus on making the house less cluttered.  I know that I have a lot of stuff and need to go through and see what I want and what I want to sell or donate.  I know some of Mom's stuff will go to Phoebe as she is about the only one I know who is tiny enough to fit into them.  Phoebe loves hoodies and Mom had quite a few, some she didn't get to wear since I couldn't get to the closet and that is where they were.  Lily is too small for them as she is only 12.  I also have a couple of turtle necks that Phoebe will get.  When I see Phoebe on Saturday I will give them to her.  I also am going to continue to work on choosing better foods to eat and losing weight.  I have started exercising a bit.  It is going very slowly as I have trouble doing exercise because of the pain in my legs but I figure I have to start somewhere.  I like to use both the eclipse and the stair climber.  Both are very good for me as I can move my legs separately from my arms.  If I do both at the same time, I ache more and can't breathe as well and then I have to stop sooner.  I plan to have the other 1/2 of the family room to be for exercise.  All I need is a TV and the DVD player as I like to watch DVDs while I exercise for a long time so I figure I will be at exercising at a longer time by the time the room will be ready.  I have good plans for the house.  I know that it will look really nice by the time I am finished.  I don't plan to paint anything as I like all the colors we have, nor will I replace any of the furniture because it is good furniture.  I am donating the old living room furniture that is currently in the family room because the room is being changed into an exercise/sewing room and there won't be any room for the furniture.  I may be wrong, but that is the plan right now but I won't be doing anything about that until after tax season and Julie and I really start dig in.  I am glad Mom redid the walls several years ago.  We took down the panelling and had drywall and plaster up instead.  I think the room looks much better this way.  I didn't like the panelling anymore.  It was very old school and the new walls really look good.  The room has much potential.  I just wish Momma was here to sew with me.  Every time I sew though, I am with her because she is the one who taught me how.

It has been an alright day.  I enjoyed the lessons and I am relaxing for the rest of the evening.  I am very tired still, I didn't sleep very well last night.  I am going to take my nighttime earlier than I did last night and I hope that help me sleep better tonight.

I hope your day was good too.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

A busy Wednesday!

I have had 5 lessons so far today with 1 more at 6 pm tonight.  Instead of just Alyssa, I had Calli, Acer, Aggie, and Bob.  They were make ups for Monday's lessons.  I woke up at about 12 noon and about flipped because somewhere around lunch time the B-T family was coming and I was just waking up!  Fortunately, I did have time to get ready and eat a bowl of cereal.  I tossed in the chicken in the crock pot for my dinner and was ready  before the first two arrived.

The chicken turned out really well although I realized I bought a fryer chicken instead of a roasting one.  I have no idea the difference, so if some one does, please let me know for next time.  I really liking this crock pot cooking.  Tomorrow I am going to make some sausage chili.  I bought some sausage that I like (turkey type as I have to watch my cholesterol and weight) and some chili ingredients.  Last time I did this it tasted really good.  I know sausage is not what is usually in chili, but I was in the mood for it and not turkey burger.  I am planning on cooking 1/3 of the package and freeze the rest for another day.  I think I bought too big of a ham too because I can't freeze it again because I just thawed it to get some out Christmas Eve.  Next time, small ham, not medium size.  This cooking for one is kind of hard at times with portions.

I have 2 lessons tomorrow, more make ups from Monday.  I don't mind.  It has kept the week interesting.  I also have recieved a new inquiry about voice lessons for a 12 year old!  I am rather excited about that.  We shall see how it pans out.  It is a friend of another student, so I am hopeful that the young person will be able to start.  That would replace Dawson who quit on Monday due to lack of practicing and not having time to practice.  Music only works if you have time to work on it.  I also am going to make my first loaf of homemade bread tomorrow.  I have a kit that I bought right before Christmas that I am going to make.  I have a great bread maker that my friend bought for me as I love homemade bread so that will be quite exciting tomorrow.  I also have to remember to go to the bank tomorrow as I have 2 bills that are due by the 1st of the month.

I am anxious to have this year over as I would have to say 2010 really was not my best.  I am not looking forward to a year without Momma, however, I have come to some peace with her death.  She is much better off, I am not, but she is.  I mean, she is with Jesus in Heaven, so yeah, she is definitely much better off.  I don't have as many bad days, more of bad moments now, although I have many of them.  Overall, I just want a fresh new year to start so that this one can be put behind me.  I anticipate many bad moments, but many good ones too.  I think and miss Momma all the time, but I am starting to look at happier memories than the last year of memories.  Looking back, 2010 was not a good year for us.  Poor little Mom was just not doing well and it was so hard on her.  I think it was much easier on me than her because I could help her whereas she just didn't know what was going on so much of the time.  I also think that she was so frightened all the time that it took a toll on her.  I am scared a lot of the time too because I don't know what is going to happen, so I can only imagine what it was like for her and she was scared all the time for the last 2 years.  All in all, I think she is much better off now.  I do pray that God takes care of her for me every night.  I know that someday we will be together and we won't be separated again.  I hope in 2011 to go and visit Richard and family for a vacation.  He mentioned possibly summer he will send for me so I am hopeful on that.  I do also anticipate visiting my uncle a lot like we did last year.  My cousins and I really enjoy ourselves when we are there.  Sometimes Andrew is there, sometimes he is not.  He said until about March he probably won't be able to make it.  We email back and forth every so often so it isn't like I am not in touch with him.  Also in 2011, Kathy will be coming for a weekend!  i am really looking forward to that!  Just Kathy and I for a whole Saturday and Sunday (minus of course, driving time).  I have plans for us already.  I got great gift cards from Richard that we are going to use.  Not all at once, but every so often when she is in town.  We are going to watch Eclipse together.  I am holding out for her on that one!  We both love twilight!  As a side note, one of the coolest gifts I got this year, was a new winter jacket from Lily and her family.  It is so warm and I love the color.  I would say I was very blessed this year with everything I got.  I am very lucky with the family and friends I have.  They have really been super supportive and helped me through the rough year.

My lovely student should be here soon.  I love teaching, it really is the best job in the world.  It was the one thing I missed most when I had to cut back because I discovered it is difficult to teach and run a store when I was teaching pretty much full time then so I cut back on teaching.  Nothing is better than teaching.  I would like to have my own studio again outside of my house, but I do like teaching at home too.  I can be busy in between lessons with house stuff if necessary.  I am going to be, in the next couple of weeks, planning what I am going to do with the house.  Where to begin, where to declutter, and things such as that.  First, I will take the ornaments off the tree on Saturday.  Monday, Heather B-T is going to test the lights (that I didn't put up this year) and then put them on so that next year they just have to be plugged in.  Then we will take the little tree and put it downstairs in the family room for storage right now.  I will put away all the garland and things like that.  I think, though, that I am keeping the snowmen up on the piano until the end of winter.  They make me smile and are simply gorgeous.  It was truly a wonderful gift from a friend.  Her niece owns the Tim Horton's I go to and she belongs to a craft club and this was one of the crafts they did.  She gave them to me to make me smile because she knew this would be a tough season for me and while it was tough in some ways, in others it was okay.  I did enjoy myself on Christmas Eve and Day at Kathy's parents house.  I have enjoyed getting ready for the holiday and I am enjoying this week too.

Pain wise, I would have to say is normal.  Just the usual amount of pain, nothing more, of course, nothing less!  It has been a decent pain week for me.  I do hope your week is good too.

The piano is so beautifully decorated, that I hesitate to remove anything from it!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

An interesting day

I had lunch with Anne today.  She came to pick me up.  I had to borrow her for a few minutes because the light in the kitchen went out and I can't hold my arms up long enough to take the globe down, change the bulbs, and put the globe back up so Anne took care of it with assistants from me.  I can now see in the kitchen again.  I didn't notice the bulbs were out until last night after Katie left.  Anne and I went to a new restaurant in the area called Hepburn's.  They serve crepes and they were really good.  I had a Day as it is called, that had sausage, eggs, spinach, and cheese in it.  Everything on the menu was named after an actor or actress from the 50's and 60's.  It was awesome!  I liked the restaurant a lot and hope to go again.  I had a good tea while I was there too and Anne got a hot chocolate to go when we left.

I didn't think I was very tired until I got home after Anne dropped me off.  I took a brief nap this afternoon. I am still very tired for some reason.  I think I am going to go to bed a bit earlier than usual.  

I had one lesson today, it was for an hour because Charlie missed a lesson this month because of a snow day.  It was a good time.  He had to redo a couple of exercises for next week because they are really hard and I am picky.  He said he had a good Christmas and got a lot of good stuff.  He was especially excited about the slide whistle he got.  Being a percussionist, those types things excite him.  We used to carry slide whistles at the store when I had it.  We had lots of neat stuff like that.  I miss being busy at the store these days now that I am not so busy.  I am glad I am a bit busier this week.  I have 5 lessons tomorrow.  4 are make ups from Monday, and then 2 more lessons on Thursday.

I got a package from the lawyer today.  I do have a couple of questions for the lawyer so I hope when I turn it in next week, that I will be able to talk to the lawyer when I turn in the papers.  I don't know how to read some of the petition but I need to make sure I keep the house.  That is my big question.  I don't want to lose the house.  I do a place to live.  I will find out when I talk to the lawyer next week.  I will make an appointment to drop off the paperwork and to speak to the lawyer.  I also have to do the credit counseling.  I do it on line.  It takes about 90 minutes and then another 10 to 15 minutes for a phone call. You have to do this twice, once before you file and once after you file.  I still can't believe I had to do this.

It has been a good day so far.  Not too bad as far as pain goes for the day.  I am just very tired today.  I hope tomorrow is a good day too.

I hope your day has been good too.

Monday, December 27, 2010


I was all excited about having 8 lessons in one day!  Well, it ended up being 1 lesson with 7 rescheduled.  It makes the rest of my week fun so no problem.  Katie had her lesson.  She finished putting away some of the music.  There was a stack of music that wasn't cataloged though so I have been spending the afternoon and evening cataloging the music.  I didn't expect to be finished today, but I am.  Katie will be finishing up the music on Monday next week.  I am so thankful for her doing this for me.  Mom was my filer, but in the last year she just couldn't do it so the music has been in boxes for about a year.  I will be able to figure out exactly what is missing from my collection.  

Dawson quit lessons today.  He is just too busy with baseball to practice piano.  His mom is supposed to mail me the Christmas book that he has.  I hope she does, this is how I lose music and I don't have to money to replace any right now.  I have some music to send back to Peppers because I asked for Tenor Sax music and they sent me alto sax.  Yeah, can't use the alto sax music, I needed Tenor but now I don't.  I can't get any new music for a while.  Fortunately, I have enough for my Tenor Sax boy to use.  I got some fun stuff too.  I plan to send the music back this week as soon as I get a box for it since the box I had got used for bills.  I never said, don't use that box, and well, it is gone now.  I can get a new one though so or an envelope.

I am very tired tonight.  I have a feeling I will be going to bed earlier than I have been lately.  I had to get up a bit earlier than usual because of a blood test this morning.  I am so sick of blood tests.  I seem to get them every other week and sometimes every week.  It is just one of the annoying things I put up with to make sure I don't get another blood clot.  As annoying as the blood tests are, I would rather deal with them then have another blood clot.  That wasn't too fun the first time.  There has been a couple of scares, but thankfully, no clots so far.  Most people only stay on the medicine for about 6 months to a year, however since I had a blood disorder, I get them for life.

My office is slowly getting in order.  Thanks to Katie, a lot of the music is put away.  I am so thankful for her wanting to help.  It is hard for me to put this much away because I can't stand up that long.  I hope that this will help clear up my office for the computer that I want to put up in it.  The computer has been in the box for 2 years now.  It is a desk top computer that will not have access to the Internet, but that is okay.  I have some pictures and music on it that I want to put on discs so I won't lose them.  The computer is good for writing to and for working with photos because you can look at 2 pages at a time which can help a lot when you are working.

It is cold again today but it is suppose to be a warm up at the end of the week and then it will be cold again.  I am anxious for spring weather already, not summer, just spring.  I am definitely am a fall and spring girl.

My back is a bit sore this evening for some reason.  I think I got it a bit cold last night.  That happens sometimes.  I don't mean to throw of covers, but I sometimes do.  Other than that, I am doing alright pain wise today.  It has been a productive day for a change and I feel really good about that.  I feel like I have accomplished something for a change.  I am looking forward to tomorrow too.  This week is shaping up really well.  Lots of teaching this week, makes me happy!

I do hope you had a good day too.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Relaxing Day

I am relaxing today.  I have a bad headache so I am resting.  I really slept in today, more than normal, so I must have been exhausted from the last few days activities.  I teach a lot of lessons tomorrow, more than usual, so I must be ready for it.  I am going to read for a bit today too.  I finished Harry Potter number 5 last night so I will start Harry Potter number 6.  I might watch a movie today too.  I am just not doing a whole lot.  It has been a busy few days, I have enjoyed them, but I am tired today.

I talked to the kids and Richard last night.  They are all excited about the trip today to Maui.  I am glad that they are looking forward to it.  I think the will have a lot of fun.  Maui is a beautiful island.  I have a picture I took of the sunset over the volcano in the ocean on my night stand.  It is beautiful.  I went about 7 years ago and I remember snorkeling in the ocean.  It was so much fun.  I loved snorkeling.  Richard said they are going to do that as well as some hikes.  They love hiking.  We used to hike as a family when we were small.  I was the only one who got tired though.  I was always the last one at the destination.  Mom usually hung back with me.  I needed to rest while the boys could go for hours.  It was one activity we did a lot as a family.  I am glad Richard takes the kids on them.  If they had scooter paths I would so go with them.

I am going to try and upload the Christmas photos to face book again today.  We have had some trouble with it.  My friend, Jennie has been having the same trouble I have had.  I will post here the picture of Kathy and I at her parents on Christmas Day.  I got a lot of pictures of her children opening and playing with presents.  It was so fun to watch them be so excited about their gifts.  They are such wonderful children.  I simply adore them.

Last night I was remember some Christmases with Mom and I in the last few years.  In 2007, before we lost the store, I remember how our dining room table looked.  Our living room was full so we couldn't put up a tree in there so I put my little one on the table in the dining room.  Since we weren't home all that much, it didn't matter that it was there.  I really went all out for Momma.  I had such fun buying her store.  I ordered a lot from Amazon because there were certain DVDs I wanted for her and it is so much easier getting the older ones from them.  I got her the entire series of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, the rest of the MacGyver series, Murder She Wrote, and the Santa Claus Movies.  I also got her some books and other homemade stuff as well.  Over all, I so over did it for the little lady.  I would say on that table 3/4 of the gifts were for her.  The look on her face when she opened present after present for her was great.  She kept saying what did I get you?  Well, she got me the new operating system for the mac and the newest at the time finale program, both were expensive.  I was happy with what I got, I really wanted her to have some nice stuff.  It was really one of the last Christmases she was really herself and could enjoy the gifts.  2008 wasn't too bad, but by 2009 she was in the later stages of Alzheimer's.  Somehow I knew that that would be one of the last years she would really be herself and really know what she got.  We had a ball watching all those TV shows together.  On the weekends, when we were home, we would spend the evening and daytime of Sunday, watching them.  I have the last season of Murder She Wrote but I haven't watched it yet and I have had it for a couple of months now.  It seems too weird still to watch it on my own.  In the New Year I will watch that and a few other DVDs that I have that I haven't seen yet.

This is usually the week I think about what I want to do for the next year.  I am not sure outside of teaching.  I plan to continue and hopefully have more students, but outside of that, I have no plans.  I would like to see Richard sometime this year.  I just don't know.  2010 was a rough year, and i hope 2011 will be better, although, the first year without Momma will be hard for me.

I do hope you had a good Christmas with friends and family.  Overall, it was very good and it is nice to relax today.  I hope the headache is back to normal by tomorrow when I teach so much.  I am looking forward to that.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a great time last night at the Knight's house.  I went with Kathy after church to her parents' house to open presents.  I brought the presents Richard sent me with me along with the gifts I had gotten the kids.  I got 2 new movies!  Ramona and Beezus and Beauty and the Beast!  Love Beauty and the Beast.  It is my favorite movie ever.  From the first moment I saw the movie I was in love with it.  I also got great gift cards that Kathy and I will have fun spending!  She is coming for the weekend in January!  I am so excited about that.  I got home just after 11 and read for a bit because as tired as I was I couldn't sleep.  Too much excitement I guess.  I finally went to sleep around 1 am.  I got up, got ready and went back to the Knight house for Christmas Dinner.  We had it early in the day so that the rest of the day would be laid back.  Kathy and family had to go to Tony's sister's house for a bit so I came home.  It has been a good Christmas.  I was afraid it would be really hard and while it is hard, I still enjoyed myself.  I cried a bit yesterday afternoon, but so far today I am only thinking of good memories of Momma and Christmas.  She made so much of the holiday.  She had us believing when we were young that Santa's elves came and decorated out house, inside and out.  I remember thinking why don't the elves come back to put everything away.  Mom liked to start the new year out with all the decorations down and the house nice and clean.  It is a Scottish tradition.  You start the new year out with a clean house, all grudges gone, and debt free.  Well, I almost have the debt free part!  I have  turned in all the bankruptcy stuff.  Clean house, well, probably not.  I don't like to take the stuff down until after the new year.  Momma and I definitely differed on that point.  Since I was in charge of Christmas the last few years we were home, I left it out until after New Year's Day.  She didn't seemed to mind.

I haven't talked to either one of my brothers yet.  I emailed Andrew because he doesn't answer his phone, he only texts.  I don't have texting.  It cost too much for me to get.  I just have a phone.  I am hoping to talk to Richard though before he goes on vacation.  I am excited he is finally going to Hawaii, even if they are only staying on Maui.  It is a beautiful island.  I gave him some tips on what to do and told him they have a person just for planning tours and everything.  I do hope they all have a good time.

It was nice to spend the last two days with Kathy and crew.  I have some pictures I need to upload onto face book.  There is even a picture of Kathy and I together.  She was like, I don't want my picture taken, but I asked her to so her Mom took the picture.  The dinner was wonderful.  I am so full.  I don't think I will need any dinner tonight.  I think that was it for me.

I also met her brother, Dan's wife, Tracy.  She is wonderful!  I really like her a lot.  She is from China and works as a software person.  I think she is so nice.  They girls seem to love her too which is really good.  She fits right into the Knight family well.  I am glad Kathy has a great sister-in-law.  She got really lucky in family because Tony's family is really nice too.  I am glad.  She deserves to have a good family.  I know I had a great Momma and that made me happy.  It was nice to think about some of the things Mom did and not cry.  I can smile sometimes when I think about her.  I bet she is having a great Christmas up in Heaven.  I mean, really, having Jesus' birthday party with the man himself?  I don't think anything would be cooler.  I feel her near me today too so that is good. 

I am not minding being alone in the house today like I was the other day.  I can hear my fish tank and enjoy the peace and quiet.  I am going to put one of my new movies in and watch it.  It has just been an enjoyable day. 

I do have a bit of a headache today, but it isn't too bad compared to the other day when it was really bad.  It is a bit worse than the usual chronic headache, but not too bad.  I took a pain pill and that should bring it down to normal.  I do hope you are having a great Christmas and enjoying it with family or friends or both!  I am glad I went to see Kathy and her family.  They make me feel like I am a part of the family and not an outsider.  It was a wonderful 2 days.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

I had a rough night last night.  I haven't had too many, but last night was definitely one of them.  After having a really good day with Lily, it was a quiet evening but that was okay.  I made myself a nice dinner.  I had cooked turkey drumsticks in the crock pot.  They were really yummy.  I was okay until right before I went to bed.  All of a sudden I was crying and missing Momma.  I miss her all the time but this was worse than the usual missing of Mom.  My chest was sore too from missing her.  That happens to me sometimes.  My fibro flares up when I miss her a lot or am crying too much from missing her.  I thought I had calmed down enough to go to bed since it was bed time, but once I got back into bed, I cried hard again.  So then I came back downstairs because I knew I wouldn't sleep.  I turned the computer on to see who was on line.  I emailed my brother, who did email me back this morning, with the worst thing ever, I asked him what he does when he is missing Mom a lot.  He told me to go smoke a phat one.  That is not funny especially since I was seriously asking him.  I was not trying to be funny at all.  I was extremely upset and crying really hard, and that is his answer?  Yeah, I won't be bothering him anymore.  I emailed Kathy and that helped.  I tried to call Richard but he didn't answer.  He hasn't called me back either so he must not of listened to the message.  Then I remembered Delphine from the hospice place told me that I could write Mom a letter.  So I did and that helped me calm down enough to go to sleep.  By the time I finished I wasn't crying anymore and was completely exhausted and sore.  My whole body ached from that one.

I am spending today and tomorrow with Kathy so I won't be alone too much.  I had other places I could have gone, but I just didn't want to drive that far and I wanted to be with Kathy.  She is very sympathetic.  She just listens and then helps me calm down which is very helpful, she doesn't give useless answers either.  I will see her sometime today and she will call when she is in town because I don't know what time we are going to church tonight.  After church we are going to her parents house to open presents.  I have a few to wrap still.  I will do it before we go to church.  I am ready to go all I have to do is change pants and then I am ready for church.

It seems very weird to be having Christmas without Momma.  I have never had one without her but this year I am.  I have had Christmases away from my brothers so that doesn't seem weird, but never one without Mom.  I was always with her on this holiday.  It was weird not to buy her a present or finish the one I was making for her.  I have put it away.  I don't know if I will ever finish it or not, but I have it if I want to finish it.  It is in the family room somewhere.  I am trying to be strong this holiday and not break down too much.  I mean, Momma should be having the coolest and best holiday ever because she gets to celebrate Jesus' birthday with him.  Nothing better than that.  I will be with people who love me and whom I love so that is good too.  I hope to see my Uncle sometime this holiday season.  I am planning to call him today, I am not sure if he is home or not.  I will leave a message if he isn't.

I do hope you have a good Christmas and that it brings you joy and happiness too.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

the day with Lily

Lily was here today.  She arrived at 10 am.  Yes, 10 am.  I was up.  I got up at 9:15 am to make sure I would be awake when she arrived.  The first thing she did was start decorating the gingerbread house.  It was fun watching her decorate it.  She took it home for her family and friends to enjoy.  Next she decorated  the cookies I baked for her.  I gave her a really big Santa mug for Christmas.  She loved it.  A few weeks ago she mentioned she wanted a big mug for Christmas so I went and got it for her.  After we finished with the gingerbread house and the cookies I was hungry.  It was just after 12 noon so we headed to Tim Horton's for lunch.  We went through the drive through.  Lily loves their mac and cheese so I got her that and a donut.  Unfortunately, they forgot the donut.  So after we ate our lunch we headed back Tim Horton's to get the donut.  They gave her two.  Lily was excited about that.  She ate 1/2 at my house and then took the rest home.

When we were done with that we decided to play some games.  So all afternoon we played games.  Julie, her mother, stopped by to pick her up but we were about to play the Pirates of the Carribbean Game of Life so Julie said she could stay later and I said I would take her home.  We played Uno, a new game I just got, it is actually the Winnie the Pooh version!  We also played Dr. Suess' Fun in a Box game.  It is a wonderful memory type game.  I no longer have a good memory so Lily won that won.  Then we played Monopoly, nobody won because we didn't get a chance to finish the game, it was getting late.  I took her home and then came home for dinner.  I had made turkey drumsticks for dinner, so that with mashed potatoes, and veggies completed my dinner.  I am trying not to eat frozen dinners or have take out too often.  I am trying to eat healthier and lose weight.  My weight has gotten out of control.  I am no longer keeping track of what I eat or using my food mover that works really well.  I am starting to use it again and eating better.  I want to lose some weight by spring.  I don't have a number in mind, but I need to be able to get into my jeans again.  I have the cutest jeans ever.  Right now they are too tight.  The jeans have matching hoodies too so they are very cute outfits.

I can't believe it is 2 days before Christmas.  Sometimes it seems like years away and other times right around the corner.  We are opening presents tomorrow night after church at Kathy's parents house.

Tomorrow I have to go and get some milk.  I am now almost out.  There won't be enough for Christmas morning breakfast/lunch.  I think that is all I need at the store.  I also have not had time to wrap gifts yet so I have to do that tomorrow before church.  I am not sure what service we are going to yet.  I would imagine one of the earlier ones.

I may have another new student starting January 3.  I am hopeful they will sign up and begin on the 3rd. That would mean 2 new students with the new company.  I can only wait and see.

Here are some pictures of Lily and the gingerbread house.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

3 days until Christmas!

3 days until Christmas.  I am working on the gingerbread house tonight.  I won't decorate it until tomorrow when Lily will be here.  I will be up early for her tomorrow.  I am excited about her decorating the house.  She is very creative.  It will be interesting to see how she decorates the house.  I have to wrap her present too, it isn't done yet.  It will be before she gets here.  I am looking forward to spending some time for her.  I also will be wrapping Kathy's kids presents tomorrow too.

I spent the afternoon with Kimberly today.  We sat and chatted at Olga's for about 4 hours.  It was so fun.  I did enjoy myself.  I haven't seen her in a few years since she moved to Florida.  Her parents moved back to Michigan this past fall so she is up to spend Christmas with them.  We chatted about everything it seems.  I could have stayed longer but I had to get home for Alyssa's lesson.  She is doing really well with her lessons.  Her dad brought her today.  I think I met him years ago, but it has been so long.

It is hard to believe that Christmas is almost here.  I will see Kathy and family in 2 days!  I am thrilled about that.  I will see her both days.  I emailed Andrew and let him know I wasn't going to my Uncle's for the day.  I would just like to spend it here right now.  I hope to see Uncle John soon.  Kathy can't spend much time in town this year, so I would miss her if I don't spend both days with her.  I will also get to see Annie next week!  I can't wait.  I hope she would like to go to Kruse and Muir since I have 2 gift certificates for that restaurant.  I think that she likes that restaurant.  I think we have been there together before, but I can't remember for sure.  I will find out when she gets in town.  I haven't seen her since spring.  She wasn't able to come to town when Mom passed away, I didn't expect her too.  She sent her Mom to the viewing in her place.  It was awfully nice of her to do.  Momma really like Anne a lot.  We used to see her quite a bit when she would come into town.  I am looking forward to seeing her.

Other than students, I don't have to much planned for the week between Christmas and New Year's Day.  I will have students on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  I will be spending New Year's Eve at Heather B-T's and her family.

Fun day today and planning a fun day tomorrow!  I shall be busy for the next few days and I am looking forward to it.  I need to be busy!

I may have another new student when the new year begins!  I am praying for more.  So far so good, I hope it keeps up!  I love teaching so much.  It really brightens and makes my day when I have to teach.

I hope your day was as good as mine!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I dropped off the rest of the paperwork for the lawyer today!  yeah!  They will be typing out my petition and getting it ready!  I am actually nervous and excited at the same time.  It is something I never thought I would have to do, but I see no alternative.  I looked and looked for one, but I just don't see it.  I have two lessons this evening so I am really happy about that.  Both are good students who work hard.

I am awfully tired today as I don't feel like I have really slept in days, I know I have, but it doesn't feel that way.  I may go take a nap for a bit.  I have a bit more of a headache again, i think I am going to have to see the Dr on it and I don't really have the money.  With things as tight as they are, I have to be careful about going to the doctor because my insurance doesn't cover office visits.  So yeah, that is kind of bad, not too mention I owe oodles of money to him.  Glad that he lets me see him despite how much I owe him.  I seem to owe every doctor I have.  I am hoping to be able to start really paying down the balances in February when the medicare kicks in.  That will help a lot.  Until then, I will just be careful.

I just got up from a wee nap.  I was so tired and cold.  I have been so cold this winter and it has just begun. I am not looking forward to January and February if this is any indication of what the rest of winter will be like.  I have a Christmas sweatshirt on and my Tinkerbell Fleece hoodie.  I am almost warm.  I think I will need to make me a tea too.  This is just crazy.  It was Momma who was always this cold, not me.  What is this all about?

I emailed Andrew to let him know I won't be at my Uncle's for Christmas Day.  He wanted me to go there but I am going to stay in town and go to Kathy's parents with her and her family.  I expect it will be a good day.  We aren't having very good weather and I don't want to drive that far in the dark with this cold of weather.  I would rather go a different day and see them.  I don't know when that will be, but I do see them frequently, but I don't see Kathy very often.  She lives far from me.  (okay, it is a 2 1/2 hour drive, but still!)

Not much going on right now.  Just waiting for my student to arrive.  He is going to be a bit late today, Dad got off work late, no problem.  Charlie's lesson normally starts about 45 minutes after his ends anyways so no big deal.

I keep meaning to make a new Christmas CD for me.  There are several songs on the regular CDs I listen to that I want to compile on a different CD.  I want to make a greatest hits type thing with the CDs that I have.  I know I have more, but I can't find them.  I don't know what happened to all my CDs.  I know they are in the family room somewhere, but where, that is another question.

I ordered a new welcome mat for the front door.  There will be two now.  1 for wiping of shoes and the other for putting shoes on.  We moved all the rugs from the doors and instead of keeping them, they got donated so I am out of any.  I hope the new mat works like the rugs did.  If not, I know where to order a new rug.  Target has a rug like thing like we had, it is really pretty too, but the bigger one that I would want is a bit expensive so that is why I am trying the mat I am trying.  That should be okay.  I also am going to look in the fabric store for some fabric to be like a rug type mat.  They have lots of stuff, so I should be able to find something.  It is annoying to get your shoes on and step in wet.  It is only a problem during the winter or rainy days.  Other than that it isn't an issue.  I am nervous about donating anything because since we have donated stuff, I have needed some of the stuff we donated.  I hope I will be very careful with what I donate from now on and of course, I will know what is being donated, that is half the battle.

Well, my student should be here any moment now, I hope you are having a good day.  My head feels better after the nap so that is good.

Monday, December 20, 2010

new website

Here is a link for some interesting website for information about Fibro: 

busy Monday!

I had 5 lessons today.  I am so glad that I did, it makes the day fun and pass fast.  I started off the day by going to the post office.  After standing in line for a few minutes, I thought, wait!  they have automatic posting, so I hurried over to the empty automatic post atm.  I got my postage for Richard's family quick and painless.  Last week when I waited in line, my hips were so sore that I had to come home and lay down for a bit.  I just don't stand long well and it was a long line.  My fault entirely since I waited until the last minute do this.

Aggie had a makeup lesson today since she was in town yet for her lesson on Saturday.  She will have her lessons on Monday again next week too, because of Christmas being on Saturday, the day of her regularly scheduled lesson.  Bob, Calli, and Acer all had their regularly scheduled lessons.  Calli has decided to continue with voice lessons as she says she likes them.  She wasn't sure at first which is understandable, so her Mom suggested she try until Christmas and then decide if she wanted to continue.  She has made her decision.  She works really hard, both at piano and voice.  She is such a hard worker that is so fun to teach.  Her brother is fun too.  Actually, I would have to say all my students are fun to teach.  I enjoy all the lessons.  Yeah!  Just talked to Rachel and Rebecca's Mom, they will have lessons next week.  Thank goodness for that.  Pretty much all my students are having lessons during vacations.  I am so glad.  I look forward to them so much.  Teaching definitely gets me up in the morning.

I can't believe it is 5 days until Christmas.  It is a day I dread, yet a day I am excited about it.  I will be spending it with Kathy and her family.  It is official now.  We will go to church on Friday and then back to her parents house to open presents.  I will open my presents there too.  Then I will come home to sleep and then wake up on Christmas and go back over to her parents house for dinner.  I am so looking forward to this.  I haven't seen Kathy since Thanksgiving.  She wasn't able to come for a visit this month so she is coming next month either the 2nd or the 4th weekend of the month.  I am excited about that too.  I have plans for us!

It has been a good day with all the lessons, I had one sad moment right before Aggie arrived, but she was like, it is okay, let it out.  I cried for a few minutes more and then I was fine for the rest of the day.

I copied the rest of the papers and will be turning them in at 1 pm to the lawyer's office tomorrow.  I am excited about that.  It should be everything now.  No more paperwork, that I know of.  I hope everything is taken care by the end of the year with this.

I have some laundry to put away this week.  My goal to have the laundry up to date is not quite going well.  I have kept up on dirty laundry, however the putting away of such laundry, well, not so much.  I am going to take Mom's clothes that are also hanging up downstairs and put them away in a bag for donations.  I have some hoodies that she never wore that are going to Phoebe, and the rest will be donated.  I plan to go through the house in the new year and see what rooms need what done to them.  After I do that, I will plan my attack on the rooms.  I am starting with Mom's room because mostly her room just needs emptying of the clothes that are in boxes and in the closet.  I need to wash the blankets and sheets too, and then put away what I want from her stuff in my room and donate the rest of her stuff to Salvation Army.  Her room will become another guest room unless someone moves in, then it becomes their room.  It is the master bedroom and has a bathroom attached to it.  I like the room I am in, so I don't want to move into hers.  I could, but I don't want to, like I said, I like my room.  I am hoping that I will have the house in order by spring/summer time.  I want the house ready should Richard and family decide to come for a visit.  I have enough room for all of them if they come.  I, of course, am hoping to see Richard sometime this summer.  I haven't seen the kids since July of 2008 when Mom and I flew out to see them for 5 days.  It was a great time.  Abigail did not want us to go home.  She cried all night and all the next day.  I felt so bad for her.  I simply adore them.  Abigail and William are wonderful children, but it seems every time I see them, I have to reintroduce myself to them.  I hope they remember me a bit better from the last visit this time.

I hope your day has gone well and that you are doing well and not getting sick before Christmas.  Several of my friends are ill with colds, and such right now, I hope everyone is pretty healthy, or as healthy as they can be for Christmas.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sunday before Christmas

I went to Windsor today for a family dinner.  It was fun.  I got a new bath towel and a picture type frame for my Disney Characters.  I got a new toothbrush too.  It is purple.  I left early so that I could be home before dark.  I got home right before the sunset.  I was glad because it is so cold out the roads turn to ice quickly.  I try not to go out at night when it is this cold.  I don't want to get in an accident.  I don't particularly like driving in the dark in the winter because of the black ice on the road.  I know there is black ice during the day too, but it is usually warmer during the day.

Wilbert was there too.  It was the first time I have seen him in a while.  He seemed to enjoy himself there.  A lot of my cousins on Tillie and Wilbert's side were there.  Uncle John, Michelle, and Jayson were there too.

I have a busy day tomorrow.  I have to mail Richard's family's presents.  I also want to make the chocolate. I have everything ready for it.  I got gift certificates for Richard and family.  I just have to wrap them.  I also have to copy those papers so that I can drop them off Tuesday.  I do not want to wait anything longer. I need this taken care of.

I am pretty tired today.  I hope you had a good day.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Hanging out with a friend!

What started off as a bad morning, ended as a good day.  I woke up to a dream that was so real I could almost feel Mom.  I dreamed that I was chasing Momma to give her a hug, and when I caught her I gave her one.  Then I woke up.  Strangely, I could actually feel her small body in a hug when I woke.  I sleep holding a pillow in front of me for my arm because otherwise it pulls on my back and for a moment that pillow was Momma.  Of course, after I woke up I cried, then my friend, Donna called and wanted to know if I wanted to get together with her.  Well, yeah!  Especially as I had nothing planned for the day.  So we met at Tim Horton's for lunch and stayed there for about 2 hours.  We just sat and chatted away, made my sadness disappear.  Today, Momma has been gone 2 months.  I feel much stronger than I did 2 months ago and in my dream Momma was healthy.  Donna said it was Momma's way of letting me know she is with me and that she is fine.  She is healthy and happy and wants me too.  You see, Momma and I would play a game with hugs, we would be like no, you can't hug me and run from the other until the person caught the other.  We did this when I was small and when she started to get sick.  It made her smile and laugh.  She looked so pretty when she smiled and laughed.

After we left Tim Horton's we went to Walmart to pick up a few things.  I needed to get some gift cards for Richard and family and she needed eggs for baking.  I also picked up a new calendar for 2011 as I didn't have one yet.  I got this Algae stuff for the fish tank, it is supposed to keep the water clear.  We shall see if it works.  I hope so!  Cat and Dog (the two fish) need a nice and clear tank.  I love my little fish.  I think Lily does too.  She likes to feed them.  Donna and I tooled around Walmart looking at everything.  She rides in a wheel chair and I ride in a scooter, so I am sure we looked like a train going through the store.  I also got Kathy a treat, which I can't say what it is as she reads this and that would blow the secret.  But trust me, it is something she will love.  I have to wrap presents this week.  I finally have some paper.  I gave Donna her present and she loved it.  I got her and her Granddaughter, Sam, Santa Mugs.  They are huge and wonderfully cute looking.  She loved it.  She gave me a new Winnie the Pooh Bear!  We all know how much I love that one!  But the biggest surprise of the day?  A nice lady at Tim Horton's, I think she is the aunt of the owner, gave me two, yes two, snowmen, handmade!  They are about 18 inches tall and they are so adorable.  I was stunned to say the least.  She and her craft club made them.  She said it was to cheer me up a bit.  Well, I am cheered!  She too, is having a rough year because her husband passed three years ago and for some reason she says this year is rougher than the last two.  I only see her when I am at the restaurant, but what a wonderful thing to do for me!  I am going to be taking pictures of them tonight.  They are going on the second piano, one at each end of the top.  I am moving the CDs and music that is on the piano to the other piano bench and they will look so cute with the CD player in the middle.  I am so floored that she made them for me.

All in all, I would have to say it has been a good day.  Started off a bit shaky, but ended well.  I am pretty tired now that I am home and finished dinner.  Speaking of sleeping, the new pain medicine is helping me sleep a bit better, I think.  I don't wake up as often as I did on the darvocet so I guess that is a great thing!  Better sleep for me.  I have even been awake enough to get up by 9:30 some mornings.  Now that is unusual for me as I don't generally get up until about 11 or noon.  So the new medicine is better.

My headache is getting better too.  It is almost back to the normal headache.  As long as it goes back to the normal headache I am fine.  I know there isn't anything they can do about the chronic daily headache.  I stopped going to doctors for it when the last 2 specialists said they could only help the bad ones, well they didn't help those and nothing seems to help the chronic one, but I am used to it now.  It has been 6 years.

I am going to make some chocolate tonight for William and Abigail to put in their Christmas box on Monday.  I have to wrap a few presents tonight or tomorrow too.  I also need to copy those papers.  I am going to Windsor for lunch tomorrow, but plan to be home before dark.  I plan to leave at 3 pm so that gives me plenty of time to be home before the dark.  With the cold weather, I don't want to drive with icy roads and that is what would happen when you drive in the dark around here.  When it is this cold I try to keep my nighttime driving to a minimum.  Safer for all that way.

Friday, December 17, 2010


I had lunch with my friend, Becky today.  I found out yesterday that she is a big fan of John Wayne.  Well, I had one of mom's plates that I was going to donate and it was of John Wayne.  Mom simply loved him.  She was a big fan.  So, once I found out that Becky was a fan, I immediately messaged her and asked if she was interested in it.  She said yes.  She has one plate so we were both a bit nervous that it would be a duplicate, but it wasn't!  She doesn't have this one.  We met at Big Boy's near my house and her lovely niece, Paige, was with her.  Paige was going shopping with Becky today.  We had a good time the three of us.  Becky is going to bring me some games for my Nintendo DS Lite.  I love it, but lately I haven't used it because I spend way too much time on face book.  I am working on that.  I waste a lot of time with Face book.  I don't play the games, but I can still spend a lot of time in it.

My headache is a bit better today.  It is not as bad as yesterday, so I think it peaked yesterday.  I am hoping so, otherwise, on Monday I will need to make a doctor appointment.  I don't really want to go to the doctor because of this.  I would rather it take care of itself, although at times it needs a boost.  We just switched my pain pills so that could have something to do it.  They don't seem as strong as darvocet was.  I shall see how the weekend goes.  I have to days to rest and relax.  Kathy, unfortunately, can't come after all.  I am disappointed on that, but I totally understand why she can't come.  So on Sunday, I am heading to Tillie's for lunch.  My uncle, his girlfriend, and their son will be there too along with other cousins unless my head is really bad and then I will stay home.

I talked to Richard today.  The leave the day after Christmas for Maui.  They should have a good time.  I gave him some tips on places to see and go because I was there about 6 to 7 years ago.  I went for a writing conference.  I went a few days early so that I could see a bit of Maui.  I mentioned the snorkeling in the volcano, that was so cool.  I really enjoyed that.  I also told him about the bike ride down the mountain.  I didn't get to do that because I just didn't have time.  He asked about beaches, I told him they don't really have white sand beaches like they are used to because of the volcano lava.  Their beaches are actually black sand.  There was one white sand beach in the town near where they are staying.  I do hope they have a good time even though I really wanted to see them.  He said he would send for me in the summer when the weather is better.  Right now it just rains all the time in Seattle.  I have gone before in the summer and it is beautiful weather.  We shall see if I get to go.  All depends on money, like everything else.

I have to get some gift certificates for his family and then I can officially say I am done with getting presents.  I thought I was done, but since I am not shipping the instruments, I need to get them something else.  I know what I am getting them and will mail the package out on Monday so it will arrive in time for Christmas.

I have the rest of the paperwork needed for the bankruptcy.  I got the info that I thought would be so hard to get.  It wasn't.  It was a piece of cake.  Now I just have to copy the rest of the papers, get up early on Monday and turn then it.  Then I will be done, nothing left to do for that except wait for the attorney to let me know the next step.  I can't wait.  This has been hanging over my head since I lost the store.  So much has changed since August of 2008.  At that point, I was running my music store, taking care of mom, teaching lots of lessons, and now, outside of the lessons, I don't have any of it.  I miss how busy the store was before that summer.  I miss the regular customers, I don't miss the headaches and problems we had,  but I miss being busy all day.  Momma loved the store too.  It did turn out better for us that we didn't have the store as Momma got worse with her disease, but I know we both missed it.  I was able to take very good care of her and I don't know if I could have done that with the store.  I don't teach as many lessons, but I do still teach some.  I have a new one starting in January, that I am excited about.  I do hope that by spring, I will have many more.  I need about 9 more for the new company or 7 more for regular students.  Either way, I need more students for several reasons.  1 for having something fun and meaningful to do and 2 for supplementing my disability.  I am hopeful that God will provide and I try not to worry about it.

Marineland.  It was a great trip.  Momma and I had a great time with their family.  I just wish I had a picture of Momma and the girls.  I finally have a picture of Lily and me.  Her teacher took it when I went to her school for special friends/grandparents day.  We had a great time together.  It will be a great memory for me.

Anyways, this is getting quite long.  I do hope you had a good day.  I had a fun time with Becky and a productive afternoon getting paperwork.  I feel good about what I did today.  I will monitor my headache to see if I need to see the doctor.  I hope you have a wonderful evening!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

bad headache day

I have a really bad headache today.  Nothing seems to touch it.  I have had it for 3 days, although today is definitely worse than the other days this week.  I think I am in a flare and stressing out.  This bankruptcy thing has me stressed, although I did find out about the thing that was stressing me.  I am going to take care of that tomorrow and copy the rest of the stuff that needs to be copied.  I shall drop it off and then everything will be in and I will be relieved when it is all taken care of.  I am right on schedule with that stuff, the one I created for myself.  I am just stressing I think over the whole issue because I should have taken care of it when Mom was here and I didn't.  I let my stuff taken a seat back because she needed my attention and when I had time (believe me I had time) I was lazy.  I didn't do a thing when I should have been organizing paperwork and copying paperwork.  I think she would be very disappointed I let stuff slide.  I won't let that happen anymore.  I will be taking care of stuff when it happens from now on.  I have to call the lawyer to find out exactly what I owe, they have me done as paying something I don't remember paying, but hey, you never know!

I don't have much to do today except for the copying of papers.  I think I am going to try to lay down and see if this headache will lessen.  Maybe I will be able to function enough to copy the papers, right now, not happening as I don't think I could concentrate enough on copying the right ones.

I have a boring weekend ahead.  I do hope I have a lesson on Saturday, I really need the distraction and the enjoyment I get from them.  Right now I am bored and that is when the sadness hits the most.  Memories of what I should or shouldn't have done with Mom start to go through my head.  My head starts playing those what if games and I am trying not to do that.  I know that is normal, but I would rather not have to deal with that and only think of good times of Mom.  The grief counselor warned me about this part and I am trying not to do it.

I do hope your day is much better and more eventful (good ones, not bad) than mine.  It is sunny here at least and not as cold as it was.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

10 Days Until Christmas

Yup, it is 10 days until the big day.  I have to send my brother his presents because I can't send the cello and the guitar, so I am getting gift certificates instead.  It is just impossible to send them as they cost so much to send.  Unless he sends me the money, which I haven't heard from him yet, I won't be sending them.  I can give them the instruments at any time.  Ooh, be right back, I need to get instruments out of the trunk of the car right now.  There, I am back, it is done.  I will check them over to make sure they are okay in a bit when I move them to the living room before Alyssa's lesson.

I was supposed to have 3 lessons but Dawson's Mom got called in to work out of town and she leaves bright and early tomorrow and her husband is in Chicago, so she wants a make up next week.  Works for me.  We can do a make up at the end of the week if she would like.  He is such a good kid.  Very nice and polite, he is a pretty good piano player too.  I have a new one starting in January for voice, if I haven't already mentioned it.  I am excited about that.  So that would bring the total up of students.  Most of the students are doing pretty well.  The concert went well and everyone did a good job.  The concert was about 45 minutes long and then we had a nice reception in the social hall.  I enjoyed having the concert there.  It was nice and everyone fit beautifully.  We had it at Heather B-T's church as mine is never available these days.  I was thankful it was available for the little Momma's funeral.  Of course, that was in the morning and even church activities don't usually start early Saturday Morning.  The luncheon afterward was really good too.

I have a blood test tomorrow.  I can't forget about it because I sort of forgot about the one 2 weeks ago, oops!  So, yeah, I have to go tomorrow.

I have a new ornament for me tree, a baby grand piano ornament.  It is simply beautiful.  It is sitting on the princess table.  I have to get a tree skirt for the tree, I haven't done that yet.  I keep forgetting to go to the store for it.  I will do that tomorrow then.  I want to get a few more ornaments to paint too.  I find painting very soothing and relaxing.  I hope they are on sale.  I want to get a new box too to paint.  I want to put my hair ties in it as I don't have any drawers in the bathroom for stuff like that.  I can make the boxes waterproof too so that is good, but one for my hair clips and ties would be good.  I want one for my make-up too.  I do actually have make up, I just don't wear it too much anymore.  When I go out somewhere nice I usually put some on.  When Richard took me to dinner I put a bit on.  Big brother doesn't like it though when I wear a lot, it is kind of funny but that is what big brothers are all about.

I am cooking a beef roast in the crock pot.  It should be done by the time Alyssa's lesson is over.  I thought it would be done by now, but I forgot to plug it in when I first put it in.  How silly can a person be?  Obviously, very silly.

Overall, a pretty good day.  I have a bad headache today, but it isn't as bad as it can get.  Everything else is normal pain level.  It is a bit sunny here so it seems warmer than it is.  I think I am used to the weather now, when I went to get the instruments, I didn't put a coat on, I just ran (well, walked fast) outside and grabbed them.  I should have uncovered the trunk first but I did.  Oh well,   It will be okay.  I can take care of that later.

I do hope this finds you doing well!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

a few pictures of the family

here is Mom, Andrew and I when were about 4 and 5 camping in Algonquin Park in Ontario.  A very wonderful trip.  I remember it being so much fun.  We went on hikes, swam, and played at the playground.  I think it was the first camping trip we went to without Dad.  Richard is taking the photo.

The above picture is Richard, Me, and Mom at Christmas 1992.

Mom and I in Mexico in 2003.  We had so much fun on that cruise.  I went to a writer's course and since I had to paid for the room anyways, I asked mom if she wanted to go with me.  Might as well, the way I looked at it.  So we went together and had a blast.  We really had fun on all the vacations we went together on.

My  cousins, Justice and Samantha with Mom and I camping.  I used to love camping, I actually  want a camper and travel across the US and Canada full time and write, but for now it is a dream that might happen someday.  One never knows though!

The top one of this set in Mom with Abby in 2001, Abby was about 2 years old.  It is one of my favorites of her.  The middle one is my favorite picture of Mom.  It was taken in Disney World on Tom Sawyers Island.  It was a great trip.  The bottom one is of me and Mom somewhere in 1973.  I am not sure where we are, but I remember the little boat behind us.  I loved riding it in the water.  Mom always picked the best stuff for us.  For Christmas, she pretty much picked stuff we all loved.  Rarely, did we get something we didn't like.  I can't remember a time I got stuff that I didn't like.  I remember one time, I was just getting up on a Saturday and heard her in the garage.  So I opened the door to ask if she wanted pancakes.  She yelled at me to shut that door before I got sick.  I remember thinking, what a crab, see if I ever offer pancakes again.  Well, come Christmas morning I opened my presents and there was the bookshelves that I really wanted.  It was the only things I wanted.  Mom was laughing, she was like, why are you pretending to be surprised.  You already knew you were getting them.  I gave her a look.  Apparently the day I opened the garage door, a book shelve was sitting on the top of the car and the other one was leaning near the attic door where she was going to hide it.  I told her the truth.  I didn't see them, I really didn't.  It totally explained why she was really yelling at me that morning.

Here are some more of Mom in the later years.

top one in this set is Mom and I at Kathy's wedding.  I was so excited for her.  I think I was more excited that she was as she was more relieved that it was over and on to the honeymoon.  The second one is Mom, me, and Andrew at my confirmation in 6th grade.  The next one is my friends, Donna, Julie, with Mom and I on my birthday in 1993 or 1992, I am not sure which one.  The bottom in at Niagara Falls Flower Clock.  Mom and I went to Niagara Falls with the Emerton family and had a great time.  Lily was about 6 at the time so that means it was about 2004.  It was a great trip.  

I do hope to have more pictures scanned this weekend.  I am probably going to work with them on Saturday and Friday.  We shall see what the day brings.  I don't know if I have any lessons this weekend or not, but I do know Kathy is coming to see me.

a Much Better Day

It is a better day around here, despite the 50 below weather and the icy roads.  Not quite as happy as Lily is, she has had 2 days without school, so she is a bit excited about it.  I just read her blog post and boy is she a happy camper.  Almost all of the schools are closed again today.  I think part of it is because of the snow but the other part would be the cold.  I vaguely remember in 9th grade we got a few snow days because it was just so cold with the wind chill.  Either way, it is very cold out today.  I will stir tomorrow to get my medicine (okay, I won't have a choice, as I won't have any pain pills for tomorrow).  Thursday or Friday I need to go to Windsor and pick up some stuff.  I am hoping the weather improves and it gets a bit warmer.  The wind is very cold but it isn't too windy right now.  Of course, I am all nice and snug in the house keeping warm and this is where I plan to stay!!!

I am planning on getting the stuff together that I have to copy so that it is all in one place and I can copy it this week.  I have to go to the Oakland County Deed of Records or something like that because I need a copy of the store's deed that went into foreclosure.  Yuck, lucky me.  I get to figure out where that is and how to do it.  I imagine it costs money on top of it all.  These things always do.  I hope to get the copy right away.  I just don't know where to go or how to do it yet.  I will be checking into that this afternoon.  I am sure I will find info on the web.

I am making a cornish hen in the crock pot today.  Smells simply delicious.  It is making me a bit hungry although I just ate lunch!  What can I say?  It smells so yummy.

NCIS tonight is a holiday themed one according the their post on face book.  The previews for last week showed it too.  I love NCIS.  It is a great show.  NCIS Los Angeles is good too, but the original is the best.  i remember when it first came out during JAG, I refused to watch it but Andrew kept saying it's good you'll like it.  He was right.  I had to buy the first season to see them all.  I have the first 5 seasons on DVD, I don't have the last one because I have seen most of them on TV and USA channel always has reruns so I can catch up that way too.  I have to be careful for what I buy as I don't have a lot of spending money anymore like I did when I had the store.  I have learned to be thriftier than I was.  I still don't have it down pat like some I know, I want to live more simpler and not have gobs of stuff, but yet, I can't seem to get rid of the stuff I have so I compromise and not buy a lot more stuff.  I buy a few things here and there when I need them, but I don't routinely shop.  I don't particularly care for shopping to begin with.

I need to get some wrapping paper by next week so that I can wrap Kathy's kids presents.  I don't have any in the house so I can't do it right now.  Later this week I will go and get some from the store and take care of that issue.  I love wrapping presents for some reason, I don't really know why.  I used to wrap mom's near the end too because she had trouble with it.  I didn't mind helping her.

It is a regular type pain day outside of a bit higher headache than usual.  I think a nap will fix that.  I do hope this finds you doing well and staying warm!  I hear it is raining a lot more in some places too.  Ugh, rain can be cold and cause pain. Have a great afternoon.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Who let winter in?

It is super cold out today.  I went out earlier today to the Hospice office.  I had a meeting with Delphine, the Grief Counselor.  I haven't been able to make any of the support groups stuff because it is usually at night when I am teaching.  I wanted to meet with her because I wanted to know if there was something else I should be doing.  Apparently I am grieving normally, contrary to certain relatives opinions, I am doing just fine which is what most people say when the see me.  I did cry a bit in the meeting, we met for 1 1/2 hours.  It was nice to learn that what I was doing was healthy and it is different for each person.  I do have a personal journal that no one but me reads, that I write in almost daily.  There is where I often ask the most often question of why.  My head knows that mom is much better off, but my head also knows that I am not better off.  Mom and I were a team and no the team is no more.  It was nice to talk to someone about some of the stuff I am feeling and thinking and learning ways to make me go through the process more.  We are going to meet again in January.  There are days where I don't feel I am adjusting to life on my own as well as I want.  I miss her all the time, which is to be expected as we were together most of the time.  I have some guilt issues that I need to let go.  I am not very good at things like that.  I think back to the times I was short with her, or thinking not so nice thoughts, then there was the time I swore at her (I don't use words like that pretty much ever, but that day I did and it was a doozy of a word).  I should have been more patient with her, but I wasn't.  I called her mean and then I swore at her.  First time I have ever sworn at my mother (outside of the time when I was 8 and said the "s" word to her about food).  I need to let those things go and I am working on it.  Okay, everyone else thinks it is pretty funny that I swore a really bad word at her, but I just don't find it funny.  One person said she didn't even know I knew those words or how to use them.  Of course I have heard them before, I just choose not to use them.

Overall, it has been a huge pain day and a big tear day.  Pain level is pretty high, partly due to the crying a lot, and the rest due to the fact it is so cold here today.  It is like freezing!  I think with the wind chill, it has got to be single digits or lower.  It is just super cold old.  I, of course, have the little heater on and that is helping.  It blows warm air but not too hot, which is good.  It is just right.  I have moved it a little closer to me than the kitchen counter because I couldn't really feel it when it was on the counter, now I can.

We are having a snow day today, so all the little ones are at home.  The roads are a bit icy, you must drive carefully, but that is too be expected with this time of year.  Bob has rescheduled to Wednesday, which works for me, and the B-T children will be here regular time.  I am glad about that.  I need some distraction with this pain and with the sadness today.

Overall, I would have to say today is not one of my best days.  I have been crying on and off all day, since I went to the meeting, and I ache all over.  I do hope your day is much better than mine, it is just not my day.  I plan to go to bed early and be done with it as soon as I possible can, I only hope tomorrow is a better day overall.  I don't like all this pain and sadness that I am feeling today.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

concert day

It is the Christmas Concert today.  Already 1 has cancelled due to weather, I am hoping no more.  Alyssa was going to come and watch the concert but her sister is ill.  She also was participating in the secret Santa. Hannah and Lydia will get their presents next week when Aggie comes home for the holidays.  She and I will go and get the girls and take them to tea or something like that.  I am sure they would like that.  I do hope the weather doesn't get worse and make others cancel.  That would be a drag.  I am a bit sad about today, but as Tia pointed out earlier, Mom will be there in spirit.  Just a missing mom day, I think so far.

I slept better last night.  I didn't wake up until after 5 am so that was good.  I think I went to bed about midnight.  I could, of course, go to sleep right now, but it is not time for a nap, or is it?  Maybe I will lay down for about an hour.  I do have some time before the concert and I am really tired this morning.  More later.

The concert went well.  All the students did a great job.  We had a good time at the reception afterward.  One student was like, oh no, I forgot cookies!  I told her not to worry about it as I had brought enough for 2 people to bring.  I am glad it is over as now it is time to work on competition stuff.  Katie has some decisions to make as far as what categories she is going to do.  I will help her with the songs.  Rachel pretty much has most of her music and Rebecca has a good start.  Just have to have Dawson decide if he wants to go, and same with Calli and Acer other than that we are good to go.  hard to believe it is time to think about competition again.

I got a new student through the new company.  I am rather excited about it.  She begins on January 8 at 1 pm.  She is 12 years old, perfect for starting to sing.  I am so glad that it is starting to get better.  I do hope it is a sign of good things to come.

I am going to Kathy's for opening of presents on Christmas Eve after church.  I will bring my presents that I got from Richard and the ones I got for her children and we will all open presents together.  How exciting.  Kathy and I will be able to spend a lot of time together this holiday.  The only change would be if Richard comes to town, which is highly unlikely but one never knows.  I think at this point I am just being wishful thinking.  I just miss him, that is all.  I haven't seen those children for 2 1/2 years, which is a lot for growing children.  I wonder how much they remember me?  They are a bit older now 9 & 11, which means they were only 7 & 9 when I last saw them, but still, how well do they remember me.  I don't know how much they remember Mom either and now they won't ever see her again.  I hope that Richard will help them know a bit more about Mom by showing pictures of her and telling stories of some of the fun times we had.  I hope Richard remembers them.  I sure do.

It has been a good day today despite the fact it was the first concert Mom ever missed.  We dedicated a song at the end to her.  I am sure she liked it, it was We Wish You a Merry Christmas.  She loved that song a lot.  It was one of her favorites.  I hope that today finds you doing well  and safe from this terrible snow!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Happy Saturday

It is book club day, so that makes me smile.  I also called Julie last night to see if I could borrow Lily to make cookies for the concert tomorrow so Lily is coming after book club.  How cool is that?  I am pretty excited about it.  I have the program for the concert finished.  I just need to print 10 more copies and it will be finished.  This will be the first concert ever that Mom hasn't been to.  She has been to all of mine since I started teaching, so tomorrow will be a bittersweet day.  It has been hard getting ready for the concert because she isn't here.  Until last year, she helped me with everything, getting the program together, bringing cookies or whatever we were bringing to the reception, assisting me with checking in students, just whatever I needed she was there.  I often wonder what she is doing in Heaven, how is she doing, is she missing me, or watching me?  I don't know since I have never been to Heaven.

We haven't had book club since September.  We had to cancel October and I haven't felt up to having one until now.  It will be nice to see Maggie and chat.  We chat about the book and so many other things.  I don't mind that Aggie won't be here this time.  Katie is so overwhelmed with school that she had to drop out.  I don't mind it being a small one though.  My friend, Stacey might join in the new year.  I have presents to wrap today too.  I have to wrap the students presents, Donna's, Sammy's, and Lily's.  I hope we have wrapping left because I didn't pick any up.  I shall find out today that is for sure.  We are expecting snow and rain tomorrow.  I, of course, am hoping for more of the rain than the snow, unless it is just flurries, because it will be warmer.  I have been so cold this season already and my joints are achy.  I know many of my friends are feeling the same way.  It was a bit sunny yesterday and today so that was nice.  I do like waking up to a light blanket of snow this time of year, I am not talking 6 ft worth or anything, just a nice very light covering.  The type that melt in the sun and by nighttime is gone.

Pain wise, it has been a bit more because of the cold.  I expect it every year.  My hands are a bit achy today, which is nothing unusual for this weather.  My new hoodies are warmer than the other 2 I bought.

I have good news!  I almost forgot!  I have lowered my car insurance, same coverage, but with a new company.  I have it with the same company that did the house insurance and I save $80 a month now.  Talk about very cool.  As my income is very small these days, every little bit helps.  It took both Mom and I pooling our money to pay all the bills so any time I can lower something is good.  Teaching helps, but it doesn't replace Mom's social security, nothing does.  I have put that into God's hands though and he will show me the way.  I am okay for a few months and I do have back up plans.  I just miss Mom in so many ways at times.  This is just another one.

2 weeks until Christmas.  I am as ready as I will ever be.  I have plans for the holiday which will be difficult with being the first one without her.  I know that the last few years she wasn't herself with the Alzheimer's but she was still mom underneath all that horrible disease.  She really was.  Mom really loved opening up her presents last year too.  So she could still enjoy things, she was just not quite the Mom I knew years before.  I miss both the Mom she was and the Mom she became.  She still knew she was my mother, even at the end, she knew.

Kimberly is coming to town and so is Annie!  I can't wait to see both those girls.  It seems like forever.

Well, we sort of had book club today, Maggie and I went out to lunch instead.  Boy was it yummy!!!!  We went to my favorite, the Olive Garden.  We both got something new along with the really good soup.  It had shrimp and lobster on it with stuffed type of pasta.  Very yummy to the tummy.

Lily should be here shortly.  Can't wait for that.  She is coming to make the cookies.  I just have to go and finish clearing the kitchen.

I am pretty tired today.  I have a hard time sleeping between 2 and 5 am pretty much every night right now.  I am so afraid at that hour of the night.  I know it isn't too rational, but I am afraid when I am alone.  I am hoping this lifts rather soon as my sleep is crazy enough, I don't need to add this to it.

Anyways, I hope your day is good.  Mine has been so far.