Sunday, June 22, 2014

Heart Aches

The extra stillness and quietness in the house is so hard to get used to.  It makes my heart ache.  I ache for Calli, who is still in PICU at the hospital.  She has been heavily sedated so she won't pull things out that need to stay in.  The Little Man, Acer, comes home from camp tonight.  He has been at music camp this week.  For the past two weeks, since Calli became ill, he has been at camp.  He has seen his sister, the night he came home from one camp and was leaving the next day for another camp.  Otherwise, I have been here mostly with just Peony, the newest addition to the family.  A Yorkie terrier mix dog.  She is about a year old and is quite cute and still learning quite a bit.  We are currently working on sitting, coming when called, and doing doggie business outside.  That is the biggie, doggie business outside. So far today, she has done most of her business outside.  I want her trained by the time Calli comes home although that may not be possible.  I just don't know.  I am new to this and she is stubborn.  She has an area in the front room that she has marked as "hers" and well, she has pooped there a few times already.  At least I know where to look.  She also has been throwing up after eating grass several times.  I think it is also tension as I think she senses something is wrong in the house because Calli is ill.  I think dogs know this.  It is just hard to say.

Calli had to have another angiogram again today.  We weren't expecting this so I was surprised.  She has had one but with her brain bleed, we have to be sure that she will be okay.  They took out her chest tube and took her off the ventilator today.  Her first coherent words were "I have to go to the bathroom".  I can't wait for her to be home.  I know everyone else feels the same.  I know she may have a hard road ahead of her.  We will all be there to help and do what we can.  Tomorrow my part starts by helping with the little man.

I have ached more because of the worry with Calli.  My head hurts so much more than usual because of the worry of Calli.  Thankfully, I have Peony to occupy my mind with because I could be in much wore shape.  Peony has been very helpful.  I miss Maisy a lot but I am thankful for Peony.  I still ache for Maisy.  It doesn't mean I don't love Peony, because how could I not?  She is such a lovable dog, but I so ache for Maisy.  I have finally stopped most of the what ifs and what could I have done differently and maybe Maisy would have lived, but I don't think I will ever stop aching for her.

1 comment:

  1. Maisy will always hold a special place in your heart but that no way diminishes your love for Peony. She souunds just darling and a bit stubborn, hehe. So glad that Cali is making progress. I think about her often during my day and send up tiny prayers for her often. Take care of yourself, you are helping more than you will ever know.