I love the TV show Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. It is more than just the well written stories and how great the acting is, it is how in the end, the truth wins and the victims get justice, something I never will. In our state the statute of limitations ran out years ago. It is too late for me, not for them. It is really satisfying when they do get justice. Do I wish I still could? I don't know, maybe? I don't know if I could get on the stand and testify. I was so young when it began. Over the years there were multiple abusers, so I don't know. I don't know exactly how old I was when the abuse began, or the grooming started first. It was anywhere between 2-4 years old. It did end when I was 12 years old. About 10 or so years ago, I had decided that I should not be embarrassed about this. I didn't do anything wrong. I was so small. I was a toddler at the earliest and a preschooler at the oldest when it began. I don't remember as much as I used to. I am glad about that. I know at least two of the abusers have died and possibly a 3rd one. Can you just imagine standing before God explaining this? I don't think there is anyway to rationally explain any type of abuse to anyone or any animal, especially when it is your judgement day. I cannot fathom that.
I have been rather lucky in friendships. Kathy has only ever been supportive as well as a friend from high school, Tonya and another from high school, Jennie. Kathy now knows everything I can remember. She is about the only one who does. My mother did not know much about what happened to me. I told her very little because she had gotten so upset that I never told her and apparently she had asked me questions??? Depending on when she asked me those questions depends on if I even understood what she was asking me. I mean, this was the mom of mine who basically handed my a medical book opened to the page about periods and said you need to read this. Here are some pads you will need. Thankfully, in 5th grade after school, there was a couple hours a few days in a row where we learned all about the changes our bodies were about to go through. Girls and boys were separated for this. She also never had to give any type of sex talk either as our church did that one. I think we were in 7th grade maybe?? Not sure. I think the biggest thing my mother said to me was if you get pregnant don't come home. I know, seriously? Umm? I was not the only one of my friends who got told that. Like, whatever. Especially, now that I know I can't have children.
I do hope someday the statute of limitations will extend to more years than it is now. It may not help me, it could help someone else.
3 years old - Nursery School --- Santa Picture: 2 1/2 years old
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