It seems to me that for so long that the two things I hear the most are: you talk to much and you need to talk quieter. A few weeks ago I read an article on how every time someone asks me to speak quieter, they are actually asking me to change myself. I think it is the same with asking me to not speak so much. I stopped giving lunches and teas because of criticisms I received after they were over. Sadly, I can still remember them all. One was I spoke about Peony the entire time one friend visited. The fact that we were discuss Dogs must have gone over the head of the person critiquing my conversations. Another was someone had asked me about my mom and I spoke of her ask she was still living. She had only passed away 2 months earlier and I was having a difficult time with very deep grief. I also didn’t understand what difference did it make. I missed her terribly. These are some examples. Now when I get asked to speak quieter, I simply say I am deaf, no I cannot. It has stopped people from continuing asking me this. When a person who doesn’t understand why it is extremely offensive to ask me to speak quieter, I always ask them would they ask someone who was blind to look harder at something? They say no way. Then I point out. It is the exact same thing. Then they get it.
As for the speaking to much, I cannot get used to silent meals. Even after all these years. I did not grow up with silent meals after the divorce. Dinner was when we all spoke about out day. Sometimes I have to text Kathy about it. It is really hard some days. Even at the end of my little mother’s life, dinner was not super quiet. My mother used to call me her chatterbox.
I did have the reputation at school with many teachers who I had had for years as a chatty student. Funny thing though, about senior year I stopped really talking in class. That would have been about the time Katherine began to speak in class, naturally getting me in trouble. Kathy and I had a Music Theory/Beginning Band class our senior year. We had a friend named David in the class too. For the first while in class, we sat together. The 2 of them would not be quiet. At first it wasn’t that big of a deal until I got told to be quiet and I wasn’t the one talking. I glared at the 2 of them for the rest of the class. The next day, I sat completely across the room from them, thinking I would not get in trouble because I was not anywhere near them. I was so wrong. In the first third of class, those 2 cause a bit of a ruckus. What happened? I got told to be quiet and my teacher didn’t want to tell me again. What did I do? A very grown up response. I burst into tears and said it wasn’t me. I grabbed my books and left the classroom. I did not have a class the next hour so I went straight home. When I got home, I called my mom and told her that if she got a call from the choir teacher that I left class early, I did and why. Mom came home early from work as she had her Reserves that night so she would not have had a chance to speak with me about it. Apparently she did call the choir teacher herself to find out exactly what all happened in class and after I had left, several students said that it had not been me at all for weeks but it was Kathy. The choir teacher’s defense was, you know her reputation of chatting. My mom said I do and now you know it wasn’t her, what are you going to do? Yes, mom was hinting very heavily that I was owed an apology. I got one the next day. Mom did say she understood why I was so upset, she also said to never leave school like that again. Ever. Go to the office or something. Do not walk home during class. Safety first. Because this happens in the theory class, when I got in trouble because a certain best friend was turning around in band class to talk to me, she got caught and shocked the band teacher. It is a lot humorous now to think about these incidents and how upsetting they were then. I think Kathy is the only pers9n besides my mother who has never asked me to speak quieter or said I speak to much in a tone that isn’t very nice. Kathy was very very very shy when she was young. She rarely spoke anywhere but at home or with me. Yes, I have been called bossy because it appeared as if I was bossing her around, I wasn’t. It is weird, I could tell what Kathy wanted to play on at recess by the look of her face. I would ask, swings, monkey bars, jump rope, etc…. There was a look in her eyes when she wanted to play on something. I just knew. I cannot explain how I knew. I would get really offended when teachers would tell me to stop bossing Kathy around. Both her mom and mine would say that I wasn’t. Kathy was a strong person. If she did not want to play on something she wouldn’t.
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