Sunday, December 8, 2013

Hmmm, how long has it been?

I used to post daily but I find myself not posting daily.  Sometimes it is because I am so exhausted at the end of the day that I elect to go to bed instead and others I find myself hanging with the kids instead.  I look back at what my life was like a year ago and boy, what a difference a year can make!  I was lonely, scared, sick, tired, and worn out missing mom something awful last year living by myself.  Then Heather BT and crew moved in and suddenly our house was alive again.  I still miss mom horribly, but I am not lonely, scared and worn out in the same way that I was.  Now, don't get me wrong, I still am exhausted all the time and well, it isn't like the fibro took a walk, oh no, these things didn't leave, I just feel better inside as far as mentally than I did a year ago.

Right now Maisy is sitting next to me snoring away as I type.  She is definitely on of the most awesome things that have happened to me in the last year.  I had no idea how much a dog (or pet) could improve your life!  Well, she sure has.  I am her #2 person with Heather BT being her #1 person.  I love how Maisy will go in back and forth between us to make sure we are both okay.  Right now it is my turn, and also, it is time to feed her and she knows I will be feeding her so that could be it too.  I will be right back.  I have to feed the little fur baby!

She is happily eating her dinner in the laundry room.  Last night she came into my room to say goodnight.  It was quite cute.  She puts her paws on my bed so I will lift her up and she wanted me to scratch her tummy so I did.  Then Heather BT called her to go to bed in their room so she left.  I love when she coms into my room and sleeps on my bed.  When it is just a Maisy and me night, she spends all night in my room.  I have discovered for such a little dog (18 pounds) she hogs the bed and steals blankets but I would rather have the bed hogging, blanket stealing, 18 pound dog than none at all.

Lately, my right hip has been super painful at night.  It is fine when I am sitting down but the minute I stand or try to walk it is sharp pains.  I don't get it.  I do see the arthritis doctor this week so I can ask her about it.  I have had a few more neck ache headaches again.  I may have to consider the nerve block injection although I would prefer to not but if they continue, I will have to try it.  It isn't every night, thankfully, but every few nights.  Before I went to the ER, it was every night for weeks until it got so bad I just couldn't function or sleep or even move.  It hurt to walk to the car and to the ER that night.  It really did.  Thankfully, by the next day the doctor had found something to help it.  I see her again in January.

This is a busy week with doctors as both Wed and Thurs I have doctor appointments.  I see the arthritis doctor on Wed and the stomach doctor on Thurs.  Then I don't see them again until 6 or so months, or so I hope.  This time it was 4 months.  I am hoping to remember to bring my planner so I don't plan appointments on the same day, which I have done again.  I have to cancel the ear doctor appointment and reschedule it for a different day because it is on Wed. at the same time.  I really can't be in 2 places at once no matter how chub I am.  Which by the way, on Wed I will find out how much more weight I have lost and I am hoping a few more pounds.  I have had to stop wearing some of my clothes because they are too big.  Other clothes I can wear again because I am smaller and can fit into them.  It is exciting when that happens.  Right now I am into my Christmas sweatshirts that I really couldn't wear last year as they were too tight.  This year?  they are too big!  Yup!  I am loving that!  I think that it will be the last season for these Christmas sweatshirts as I am hoping to be closer to my goal weight next year and not fit into them.  That is the plan anyway!

Last week was an exhausting week for me and same with the week of Thanksgiving.  I wasn't feeling well at all the week of Thanksgiving.  At one point, Heather BT asked me if I was sure I wasn't bleeding in my stomach because my stomach was so upset all the time for the week.  It still is upset a lot, but not quite as much.  I also was sooooo exhausted, even more than usual.  I slept a lot.  I even was in bed by 8 or 9 pm some nights and didn't wake up until after noon, that is how exhausted I was.  Heather BT said I looked super pale (paler than usual, I am ghostly color) and that my eyes looked like I was in a lot of pain and extremely tired.  She is one of the few who really can tell when I am not feeling so good and when I am in either a lot of pain or extremely tired.  I did host Thanksgiving along with Will and we all had a good time.  I didn't cook.  I went and ordered from our local restaurant and that helped immensely.  My aunt and uncle, small cousin, friend Star, Will's Mom and brother all came over.  Will's mom and brother left earlier than anyone else but it was overall a good day.  Will is on his way to California now for a job.

I am hoping that since the Christmas Concert is over and the majority of Christmas presents are bought or made, that I will have a more relaxing Christmas season.  I am trying not to raise my anxiety.  I have bought things that I think people will like and I have pared down what I can and can't do.  I am going to give it my all at keeping at the can and can't do.  I know I will have some anxiety over when I decide I just can't do it, but I have to.  I just have to.  I have to accept that I can't do what I used to.  yes, it annoys and upsets me but it is a fact.  The Christmas concert for my students wipes me out.  Thankfully my friend, Star helped me a lot.  This lowered my anxiety.  I refuse to stop doing concerts for my students because I really feel that fibro has cost me so much that I just refuse to let it cost me one more thing.  I just won't.  With help from good friends like Star, it is easier.  I ask for help and I get  the help. I have a great group of parents who help me with setting up things and tearing them down.  So all in all, things work out.

Well, Heather BT and I are about to watch another episode of Once Upon a Time season one disc 3.  I love this show.  It is really good.

1 comment:

  1. saw one of my favourite movies the other night..."The Bishops Wife," with Cary Grant, in b/w from '45. Awesome, put me in a holiday mood. Trying to put a tree up today. Companionship is a very powerful healing tool. You will never forget the memories you shared with your mom but now they are in a less painful, lonely place. I'm happy you found this 'place.' love you lady.