It's a Wonderful Life

 I know that sounds super weird to say and quite unexpected from a woman who has a lot of chronic issues UT it is true. Yes, the physical pain, constant fatigue, and brain fog that never quits, are always there. One thing I have noticed that I didn't notice when I was healthy, was the beauty of the world around me. I was too busy doing things that would make my future better and missed out on the here and now. I don't anymore. When I first got sick, I couldnt see anything but my pain.  It took a few years to be able to see past the pain and fatigue so I could we the here and now.  Like so many, I didn't get diagnosed until 2004.  At that point I had many ups and downs with flares. When I got Vasculitis in March of 2003, things got worse. I got a horrific headache that I never dreamed that 18 years would go by and I would still have that headache, every day, all day, from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep. It doesn't end.  Somehow, and it is unusual, the vasculitis went into remission and I haven't had a reoccurance since. Because we went to the Cleveland clinic, we did Gey confirmation that yes the vascuitis was in remission. Then I said those brave words, then what is it??  After some questions and some trigger point examination, the conclusion was fibromyalgia. My mother and I just looked at each other and cried. Literally cried. It had a name. I wasn't faking it or being lazy. There really was something wrong with me. We went home with much lighter hearts then when we arrived. 

After the initial diagnosis, I read as much as I could about fibromyalgia. A friend of mine also has it.  So much of how my health was made sense when I read it. This made me feel we relieved.  

Through all of this, I was teaching my music lessons. Unless I was seriously feeling really really sick, I taught anyway. This wasn't too different from before we got the diagnose. I love teaching. It is really hard to be sad or upset and teach. First of all, most of the time, the student is happy to see you. Secondly, you are teaching a subject you eat sleep and breathe. Now all my study cents are individual lessons. Third, your student does not Ned to know why you are sad or upset 99% of the time.  Generally it is completely inappropriate to discuss those things. And lastly, if you continue to have a mopy of not a great attitude while you are teaching, you will not keep your students very long. 

At this point in my life I am unable to teach fulltime. Yes it saddens me to a point but I can still teach some. I an happy about that. The students that I have right now are really wonderful. There isn't one that is being forced to play or sing. That is important.  

The one thing that makes me smile and smile every single day is my dog Peony.  She is the light of my life.  I can't even imagine life without here.  She is super sweet and so loving.  With these things in my life, how can it be anything other than wonderful?

Musing on a Friday

 I am gathering everything I need for the dreaded taxes.  As someone who works very parttime and is a subcontractor, I have to save all relevant receipts during the year.  My  current issue is I bought music through Amazon and now I need the proof of purchase type thing.  I will be figuring it out shortly.  I want to turn my  stuff in really early this year.  I have been doing better.  I used to have to always send in an extension request  because I didn't gather the stuff in time.  I am trying to have everything ready so when the last thing I expect comes in, off I go to drop off my stuff.  

Online lessons have definitely turned out to be such a good thing.  I am staying online for now until the virus is under control and it is safe to go back to in person.  I have a feeling that several are going to want to stay online though.  It would be fine with me.  Whichever works for them works for me.  I am not picky.  I have two more lessons tonight.  My best friend's daughters.  They are doing very well.  We are getting ready for competition next month.  They are singing two songs each.  There aren't any ensembles this year because it is a virtual competition.  Next year will go back to in person.  It is definitely not safe yet.  

Peony has decided she doesn't like any other dog near me when she is around today.  She growled at Valerian.  I haven't  figured out how to get her to stop being jealous.  I don't know if it is even possible to get that trained out of her.  I have no idea.  I have looked but no such luck so far.  Peony had been not using her back left leg so I took her to the vet.  He subscribed her a med and them she was better.  She is doing that again.  It is not as bad as before so that is good.  We are keeping an eye on it.  That seems to be the thing to do right now.  It isn't everyday or all day, just once in a while.  The vet thinks she may have pulled a muscle in her leg.  It is possible.   

I finally get to see the specialist who will be the one to put  the pacemaker  in my stomach to help it digest properly.  I have been waiting for so long.  I am so glad I finally get to see them.  I have to arrive 15 minutes early as usual for seeing a new doctor.  My gastro doctor did send all my records over to them, so I am sure these are just the insurance type forms and stuff like that.  No big deal  It is about an hour away.  I don't care.  They are the only place who does this around here.  I will drive that hour each way that is for sure.  It will definitely be worth it.  I am anxious to be getting the show on the road.

I also decided that I needed to start working with a therapist for anxiety and food.  I really need the help.  My anxiety is ridiculously high and food, well, I have had issues with food since I was a teen.  I am not doing any bulimia symptoms or anything, but binge eating is bad.  It isn't every day but it happens.  It is horrible and needs to stop.  I need help with stopping.  I can't do it myself.  I have finally admitted it to myself.  I can't.  I started last week with the intake session and next week is the first real session.  I am very anxious about this because well, that is me.  Anxious girl.  I figure if I can get the binging on food in control, I will be able to lose weight and then not eat what bothers my pain level!!!  Won't that be nice?  I thought so too.

That's all for now.  I hope everyone is doing well.  

mid January Already???

 Time goes so fast these days.  I just got home from watching my friend's teens.  Yeah, watch.  I barely saw them except at meal time.  They are off doing their school work or on the computer or just hanging out with their prairie dogs.  Yes, they have two prairie dogs.  They are adorable.  Simply adorable.  Not as cute as Peony, of course, but cute.  Peony still rules for me.  I got a nice long snuggle with Peony today when I came home.  Such a nice hello to come home too.  I did have to go and pick up some meds though.  Wow, can I tell I am back in stage one of medicare.  It was really expensive.  Super expensive.  I about choked.  I am glad to be home. 

I must say though, I am aching all over today.  More than usual.  Normally my meds take the edge off so I can function for the day.  Today, I am just very very very very sore.  I did get two big blisters and two small blisters from the original chair I was sitting on.  I did find this out the first night.  I switched chairs.  It helped some and I found the foot stool I usually use,  That helped a lot.  I haven't felt great since Monday.  Like I said, I am glad to be home.  I need to check out the blisters.  Seriously, who gets these but me??  Crazy things.  

Not too much going on for the rest of the night or weekend for that matter.  Just hanging out and resting, mostly resting.  That will be my main priority, resting.  I need to get recharged for the week ahead.  I started therapy this past week.  It will be interesting that is for sure.  I do hope it will help.  

I need to put some pictures of Peony on this computer.  I don't have any.  She is my best model.  The teens don't want their pictures taken anymore so I can't take their pictures.  Peony never complains when I take her pictures!!!!!!