Wednesday, June 2, 2021

It's a Wonderful Life

 I know that sounds super weird to say and quite unexpected from a woman who has a lot of chronic issues UT it is true. Yes, the physical pain, constant fatigue, and brain fog that never quits, are always there. One thing I have noticed that I didn't notice when I was healthy, was the beauty of the world around me. I was too busy doing things that would make my future better and missed out on the here and now. I don't anymore. When I first got sick, I couldnt see anything but my pain.  It took a few years to be able to see past the pain and fatigue so I could we the here and now.  Like so many, I didn't get diagnosed until 2004.  At that point I had many ups and downs with flares. When I got Vasculitis in March of 2003, things got worse. I got a horrific headache that I never dreamed that 18 years would go by and I would still have that headache, every day, all day, from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep. It doesn't end.  Somehow, and it is unusual, the vasculitis went into remission and I haven't had a reoccurance since. Because we went to the Cleveland clinic, we did Gey confirmation that yes the vascuitis was in remission. Then I said those brave words, then what is it??  After some questions and some trigger point examination, the conclusion was fibromyalgia. My mother and I just looked at each other and cried. Literally cried. It had a name. I wasn't faking it or being lazy. There really was something wrong with me. We went home with much lighter hearts then when we arrived. 

After the initial diagnosis, I read as much as I could about fibromyalgia. A friend of mine also has it.  So much of how my health was made sense when I read it. This made me feel we relieved.  


Through all of this, I was teaching my music lessons. Unless I was seriously feeling really really sick, I taught anyway. This wasn't too different from before we got the diagnose. I love teaching. It is really hard to be sad or upset and teach. First of all, most of the time, the student is happy to see you. Secondly, you are teaching a subject you eat sleep and breathe. Now all my study cents are individual lessons. Third, your student does not Ned to know why you are sad or upset 99% of the time.  Generally it is completely inappropriate to discuss those things. And lastly, if you continue to have a mopy of not a great attitude while you are teaching, you will not keep your students very long. 

At this point in my life I am unable to teach fulltime. Yes it saddens me to a point but I can still teach some. I an happy about that. The students that I have right now are really wonderful. There isn't one that is being forced to play or sing. That is important.  

The one thing that makes me smile and smile every single day is my dog Peony.  She is the light of my life.  I can't even imagine life without here.  She is super sweet and so loving.  With these things in my life, how can it be anything other than wonderful?

1 comment:

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