MRI Results and other new fun things

I have been having a bit of an issue with my toes tingling and the pain going from there up my right leg.  I had some home health care after I came home from the hospital with the cellulitis wound.  One of the Nurse Practitioners had asked me how I was doing and I casually mentioned the toe issue.  She looked at me and said to call my neurologiest right after she left and make an appointment as soon as I could get in.  I did.  On Monday, I will have a nerve test done then she and I will talk about the next steps.  The MRI was of my Cervical Spine.  I have Scoliosis.  A double S curve as it is called, meaning, I have a small curve in my neck, the big curve that now has 2 Harrington Rods fused to my spine, and a small curve in my waist.  According to the MRI, my spinal cord is narrowing.  From what I have read, it is a normal part of aging, especially if you have scoliosis as I do.  Fun.  The non-fun things are that this possible may explain why I can no longer go upstairs, my arms are very weak, my elbows are super sore, my legs are also very week, and a few other things.  Now, it may not explain these things either as they could just be from my chronic conditions and I am just getting worse.  That is also a very strong possibility.  

Today was definitely a day of unexpected things.  For the first time in years, I could not brush my own hair.  Yup, seriously, I actually had to ask one of my students to brush my hair and put it in a ponytail. It was extremely upsetting to me.  So not only can I not wash my own hair, I cannot brush my own hair.  My base pain level is no longer at a 5 either.  It has jumped to a 7 or an 8.  I am beyond exhausted too.  If I stay in my chair most of the day, it isn't so bad, that is what I am trying to do.  The table that can go over my chair has been brought down from my room and that has been very helpful.  I am hoping not to have anymore surprises this week.  I am too tired for anything new.

I am definitely struggling with mental health this week.  Things have to get better. right?  Thankfully, I have my little Peony.  The absolute cutie of a pup.  She makes everything better.

 It is very late now.  Normal for me though.  I have been a night owl since I was a child.  it is also very quiet in here, the living room.  My beautiful little Peony pup is such a good companion.  She too, is a night owl.  

It has been really hard for me these last few weeks. I can’t stop playing words over and over in my mind.  Was the person joking? Serious?  I don’t know.  I am deaf, well, not completely, enough that even with hearing aids I cannot hear those nuances that normal hearing people can to know when someone is joking or being sarcastic or being serious.  I think the person may have been being the comments: you need to stop getting sick. You need to stop going to the hospital.  You need to make more money.

How do I stop getting sick?  I wish I knew.  It isn’t like I can say, okay, I am not sick anymore. I am chronically ill.  Chronic. Never ending.  Yes, I have meds that help with managing the biggest symptoms, they really don’t take away the symptoms.  I have pain meds that do help with the pain, however, I am still in pain 24/7.  The lowest my pain gets in 5/10.  This is including the headache I have had since March 2003.  Nothing has stopped this headache.

The next one: stop going to the hospital.  I would love too.  I am tired of the inside of the ER and of hospital rooms in general.  I really don’t go unless I absolutely have to.  The last time was about 2 months ago and it was for the cellulitis ii have.  

Lastly: you need to make more money.  I am rather aware that I do.  It is really hard knowing that I have to keep track of every detail I spend.  I hope not to some day.

I am not holding my breath for any of this.