Wow, it apparently has been a year since my last post. For someone who used to write a post everyday this is really kind of crazy!!! It has been a year. So much has happened. The pandemic is still a thing. All my in person students must wear a mask as both Heather BT and I have several chronic issues that put us in a very high risk situation should either of us get covid. We are both vaccinated. Everyone in the house is. One is most unhappy about it, but he still is. It is hard for some of our friends to understand that while they may get a mild case of covid as they are healthy and all, however, should they pass it on to either Heather BT or me, well, that is where the problem could come in. We are not healthy. We have compromised immune systems. We have serious asthma issues. We already can't breathe well. Anyways, we do hope that the pandemic will end soon and everything will be okay.
The biggest thing besides covid that happened this past year is that I was diagnosed with ADHD!!! So much makes sense now. I was seeing a therapist about my eating disorder and anxiety. It was a failure. First, she would say, that isn't really binge eating. Really?? What would you call it then? Then, every session she would ask, did anything make you anxious this past week? Ummm, breathing? I have anxiety 24/7. I could not get her to understand this. I saw her for about seven months. In that time, she couldn't understand that I had constant anxiety and my eating disorder. Yes, I stopped seeing her. It was incredibly frustrating. I cannot find one now that takes my insurance and is accepting new patients. However, discovering that I have ADHD has really helped a lot. For one thing, my anxiety. Yup, my anxiety is probably mostly from ADHD and not really anything else. Yes, I have brain fog issues from fibromyalgia, but most of the anxiety is most likely from the ADHD and the rest from brain fog. My impulsiveness of shopping on amazon in the middle of the night? ADHD. My daydreaming? ADHD. My hyperfocus on lessons? ADHD. This is what actually has helped my be able to keep teaching the little bit I do. Because of the amount of brain fog I have, I cannot teach full time like I used to. Hyperfocus allows me to be able to focus enough to teach a couple lessons a day before I can't focus anymore. There is so much more to my ADHD than just the few I mentioned. It really has helped me understand why I do some of what I do and now some of it I have learned so new coping skills. I really really wish I knew I had ADHD when I was in college. It would have made things so much easier for me. College was hard enough because of my deafness and now I realize because of my ADHD. I am just so thankful I had a mom who did what she could to help me complete my classes and graduate with my bachelors degree. It seems kind of funny now because I am partially deaf and at the time I didn't wear hearing aids, to be a music major. I was though. My students actually think it is cool that they have a deaf music teacher. Only once have I ever had a student quit because they found out I wore hearing aids. Yes, I was upset and it really hurt. It was a Takelessons student. When one of the reps called to tell me that the student had canceled all the lessons and why, I was so upset. He was the one who had been speaking with the mom. It didn't make sense because the student have four lessons with me before she saw the wire on my ear. He asked how the lessons were and the mom said they were good. He could not understand why after four lessons that were good and the student was doing really well, why all of a sudden this was a problem. Yes, Takelessons is aware that I am partially deaf and that I wear hearing aids. They know it is not a problem. Anyways, that was the only time and it was several years ago now. Mom put a lot of work into several of my classes. When the classes were in the big lecture halls, I couldn't hear anything because of the low rumble of talking even with the professor using a microphone. I would record all of the lecture and write down everything that was written on the board. Mom would take both and write notes for me to be able to study. I don't remember how many classes Mom did this for me in. Without her help, I would have failed all of them. She was amazing. I miss her a lot. Yesterday, I was sitting in my chair in my room and all of a sudden I missed her like it was yesterday she passed away. Grief is a strange creature. It comes and goes whenever it feels like. It has been almost 12 years. How can it be?
I have a new neurologist now. I am very pleased with her. She said it was time to get aggressive with this headache and the migraines. She said that 19 years is way to long to have a headache. I so agree. I have had 2 rounds of botox. I am unsure if it is helping. I don't know. I do know that in April I was having a lot of migraines. I have had less since May but I still have a lot of them. My daily headache is the same as always. It is there. Everything else is okay. Some stuff is worse some stuff is better.
Peony continues to be the light of my life. I so love that little dog. She is such a good companion. I couldn't ask for anyone better. She makes everything better. Just everything. There are two lessons that Peony can't listen under the piano bench to. One is because he is allergic to her and the other is because she is afraid of dogs. Other than that, Peony thinks her job is to listen to all the lessons and that all my students come to see only her. It is so funny. There are the few students who she will not let in the living room without a tummy rub and then will not let them leave without a tummy rub. They all love Peony.
I will try not to wait another year to post in my blog again!!
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