June 22

 I had an appointment with my Rheumatologist today.  It was just a regular check up.  My right shoulder is starting to hurt again at the bursa part of the arm.  I have an appoint with the specialist on July 13.  I am going to call  tomorrow and see if I can get in earlier.  I really don't want it to get worse and freeze.  It was partially frozen when I first saw him in May.  Not good.

The heat wave is back.  It is 90* right now and with the heat index it feels like close to 90*.  The rest of the week will be super hot too.  Ugh.  I know there are parts of the country in the south that are much hotter, I feel for all who live there.  Anyways, I am in my living room where the portable A/C unit is.  I am hoping by the weekend we will have at least two window units.  One is definitely going in my room.  I think the second should go in the other Heather and Bill's room.  

Peony is doing pretty okay. Her wound is healing really well.  She is no longer wearing a cone or a collar.  When she had the cone on she looked so pathetic and sad.  She did look too sad with the collar.  My poor little girl.  She is my favorite companion to run errands with.  She loves riding in the car.  Simply loves it.  I have a seat belt leash that I put on her.  This way she can look out the window with the window part way down and I don't have to worry about her jumping out.  Peony is enterprising enough to try that once.  She is fearless.  She is such a beautiful little girls.  She is a terrier mix.  I could do one of those DNA things for dogs but they are expensive and seriously, I don't really care.  She is mine and that is what matters.  She loves sleeping on my bed at night.  I love having her sleep on my bed at night, now that we took the bed off of the frame.  It was so high that I was kind of jumping to get in my bed.  When Heather BT saw that she was like, you are going to fall.  I probably shouldn't have pointed out that I had, many times.  Well, the little foot stool we call the jump came in for me to use.  It worked.  Then we realized why don't we just take the bed off of the frame.  I really like it this way.  I can actually sit and my feet are on the floor.  It is beautiful.

It is almost time to teach the only lesson of the day.  Bye!!!

Heat Wave

 Yesterday was 97*, however, with the heat index it felt more like 105*.  Today is only 93* and it has cooled down to 90*.  I do not do well in high heat or super cold.  Both make me ache more.  Right now i am in the living room which has the portable air conditioning unit.  It feels wonderful.  I do have 2 window fans now and we do have an attic fan.  When the temperature is 90 and above it is pointless.  It could be much worse though.  We could live in the southern states.  I will keep what weather we have.  This weekend is suppose to be nice out and cooler.  I will definitely enjoy that.

On the brain fog front, it hasn't been super bad, just the usual.  I can only focus for so long and. then I need a break.  I think what really helps me with teaching lessons is a combo of being able to focus for a bit and the the hyper focus of the ADHD.  I definitely think that is my superpower.  Also, when I am focusing on a lesson, my pain level doesn't seem as high.  That is a good thing.  I am really learning a lot about my ADHD.  I always try to improve myself and strive to do better.  I want to be the best me I can be.  Yes, I am in pain 24/7.  Yes, I have all the other things that go along with fibro, I don't think that for me, that it means I can't strive to be a better me.  The more I learn about ADHD, the more so much of me is explained.  My extra chattiness.  Yes, I was that child.  The one who talked to everyone in class.  My mom once told me that when she went to my first school conference for first grade, my teacher asked my mom if I ever stopped talking.  My mom asked her if I talked all the time in class.  The teacher said no, just most of it.  Mom said that was good, last year, she talked all the time.  Yes, that was my ADHD.  It wasn't something that anyone really tested for in girls at that time.  This was the early to mid 70s.  When I wasn't talking, I was daydreaming.  I have this really weird thing I can do.  I can see my daydreams in front of me.  Like I am watching a movie.  I tried to explain it to my best friend once and she thought it was so weird. Again, inattentiveness, ADHD.  I have a really hard time falling asleep.  I always have.  My brain never shuts up.  You would think with the amount of brain fog I have, that it would be easier to fall asleep.  Nope.  Not at all.  Again, ADHD.  This is just a few of what I have learned in the past six or so months since being officially diagnosed.  

I am so excited that the Dowton Abbey: A New Era movie is out!!!!  Kathy, my best friend, and I are trying to find a weekend where she can come to town and then we can see the movie!  Her mom wants to see it too.  That will be a lot of fun.  I love her mom.  She is a really neat person.  I have pretty much known her almost all of my life too since well, I have know Kathy almost all of my life.  It makes sense.  Kathy's Dad passed away several years ago now.  He was a really good guy.  A good dad.  I remember at Kathy's wedding, she didn't want to do the Daddy/Daughter Dance because both she and her Dad are quite shy.  I didn't blame her.  She had always been shy.  One of the things I loved doing when we were young was going to her house and hanging out.  We would read and listen to music.  Apparently, we would also dress up their toy size poodle Pepper in doll clothes.  Pepper was such an awesome dog.  I really loved that dog.  Kathy's mom said that she would let us put whatever clothes we wanted on her.  We also would put her in a doll stroller and walk her outside.  That poor dog.  We both loved her though.  She was love in the form of a dog.  Plain and simple. Just love.  Kathy and I still like to hang out and read together.  I have much more time to read than she does since she has these cute minions she is raising, although one is now 24, I think, and another is 19.  The youngest two are 15.  She also has a hubby.  I can't wait to see her and her mom soon and the movie!!!!!

I Can't Believe it Has Been a Year!!!!

 Wow, it apparently has been a year since my last post.  For someone who used to write a post everyday this is really kind of crazy!!!  It has been a year.  So much has happened.  The pandemic is still a thing.  All my in person students must wear a mask as both Heather BT and I have several chronic issues that put us in a very high risk situation should either of us get covid.  We are both vaccinated.  Everyone in the house is.  One is most unhappy about it, but he still is.  It is hard for some of our friends to understand that while they may get a mild case of covid as they are healthy and all, however, should they pass it on to either Heather  BT or me, well, that is where the problem could come in.  We are not healthy.  We have compromised immune systems.  We have serious asthma issues.  We already can't breathe well.  Anyways, we do hope that the pandemic will end soon and everything will be okay.

The biggest thing besides covid that happened this past year is that I was diagnosed with ADHD!!!  So much makes sense now.  I was seeing a therapist about my eating disorder and anxiety.  It was a failure.  First, she would say, that isn't really binge eating.  Really?? What would you call it then?  Then, every session she would ask, did anything make you anxious this past week?  Ummm, breathing?  I have anxiety 24/7.  I could not get her to understand this.  I saw her for about seven months.  In that time, she couldn't understand that I had constant anxiety and my eating disorder.  Yes, I stopped seeing her.  It was incredibly frustrating.  I cannot find one now that takes my insurance and is accepting new patients.  However, discovering that I have ADHD has really helped a lot.  For one thing, my anxiety.  Yup, my anxiety is probably mostly from ADHD and not really anything else.  Yes, I have brain fog issues from fibromyalgia, but most of the anxiety is most likely from the ADHD and the  rest from brain fog. My impulsiveness of shopping on amazon in the middle of the night?  ADHD.  My daydreaming? ADHD.  My hyperfocus on lessons? ADHD.  This is what actually has helped my be able to keep teaching the little bit I do.  Because of the amount of brain fog I have, I cannot teach full time like I used to.  Hyperfocus allows me to be able to focus enough to teach a couple lessons a day before I can't focus anymore.  There is so much more to my ADHD than just the few I mentioned.  It really has helped me understand why I do some of what I do and now some of it I have learned so new coping skills.  I really really wish I knew I had ADHD when I was in college.  It would have made things so much easier for me.  College was hard enough because of my deafness and now I realize because of my ADHD.  I am just so thankful I had a mom who did what she could to help me complete my classes and graduate with my bachelors degree.  It seems kind of funny now because I am partially deaf and at the time I didn't wear hearing aids, to be a music major.  I was though.  My students actually think it is cool that they have a deaf music teacher.  Only once have I ever had a student quit because they found out I wore hearing aids.  Yes, I was upset and it really hurt.  It was a Takelessons student.  When one of the reps called to tell me that the student had canceled all the lessons and why, I was so upset.  He was the one who had been speaking with the mom.  It didn't make sense because the student have four lessons with me before she saw the wire on my ear.  He asked how the lessons were and the mom said they were good.  He could not understand why after four lessons that were good and the student was doing really well, why all of a sudden this was a problem.  Yes, Takelessons is aware that I am partially deaf and that I wear hearing aids.  They know it is not a problem.  Anyways, that was the only time and it was several years ago now.  Mom put a lot of work into several of my classes.  When the classes were in the big lecture halls, I couldn't hear anything because of the low rumble of talking even with the professor using a microphone.  I would record all of the lecture and write down everything that was written on the board.  Mom would take both and write notes for me to be able to study.  I don't remember how many classes Mom did  this for me in.  Without her help, I would have failed all of them.  She was amazing.  I miss her a lot.  Yesterday, I was sitting in my chair in my room and all of a sudden I missed her like it was yesterday she  passed away.  Grief is a strange creature.  It comes and goes whenever it feels like.  It has been almost 12 years.  How can it be?  

I have a new neurologist now.  I am very pleased with her.  She said it was time to get aggressive with this headache and the migraines.  She said that 19 years is way to long to have a headache.  I so agree.  I have had 2 rounds of botox.  I am unsure if it is helping.  I don't know.  I do know that in April I was having a lot of migraines.  I have had less since May but I still have a lot of them.  My daily headache is the same as always.  It is there.   Everything else is okay.  Some stuff is worse some stuff is better.

Peony continues to be the light of my life.  I so love that little dog.  She is such a good companion.  I couldn't ask for anyone better.  She makes everything better.  Just everything.  There are two lessons that Peony can't listen under the piano bench to.  One is because he is allergic to her and the other is because she is afraid of dogs.  Other than that, Peony thinks her job is to listen to all the lessons and that all my students come to see only her.  It is so funny.  There are the few students who she will not let in the living room without a tummy rub and then will not let them leave without a tummy rub.  They all love Peony.

I will try not to wait another year to post in my blog again!!