Monday, December 5, 2022

I don't want to be me today


 For the last few months I have really come to not like that I cannot do so many things myself.  On Thursday, November 8, I fell out of bed.  About six or so months ago we had taken my mattress and box spring off of my bed frame. The box spring is on the floor with the mattress on top.  I did not fall far.  I actually slid out of bed.  I really don't know how I managed to do this.  It took an hour to get me back in bed.  I tried for about 20 minutes to get up on my own.  I knew how. I couldn't do it.  I didn't have the strength.  Finally I had to text one of my housemates.  She came right up.  I think she flew.  I still couldn't get up.  She went and got her dad, another housemate. He ended up picking me up in two stages and then he moved my legs on my bed.  I was sore when I got up later that morning, I had no idea what was about to hit me.  I had gone to the Cleveland Clinic to see if I had Lipedema or Lymphedema.  At that time, I was told I did not have Lymphedema.  Well, the doctor was wrong.  The lower part of my legs, knees to toes, blew up with fluid.  My legs were weeping and they really hurt especially the right leg.  I couldn't get in or out of my car or any car for that matter, by myself.  I had gone to the ER to check that there was no blood clots as I have a genetic blood disorder.  There weren't any.  I was in the ER for about ten hours.  I came home with a new walker.  It is a more simple one as there is no seat.  I use it in the house as I was instructed to by the ER doctor.  It is actually easier to use in the house than my cane.  I had to see my doctor for a follow-up visit.  When I got weighed, I weighed 13 more pounds than I did two weeks before.  Yup.  There was 13 pounds of fluid in my legs. I couldn't wear shoes or slippers. I ended up wearing my slippers with not putting them on properly.  Now I can. Yes, I am healing from the fall.  The fall really showed so much of what I can't do for myself.  I have been sick for more than 1/2 my life.  I was 25 when the fibromyalgia showed up and never went away. I had had bad headaches since elementary school.  I was born with tummy problems. On average, I missed one day a week of school since kindergarten.  Fortunately, I do have good friends who understand me.  These moments do not last long.  I am grateful that I can do as much as I can.  I am so thrilled to see my best friend, Kathy on Holidays and her family.  Her mom is such an awesome person.  I am making Christmas Dinner.  I am quite excited about it.  Another housemate is helping me.  I am looking for recipes for what seasonings to use.  I think we just used salt, pepper, and poultry seasoning. I am unsure.  I am going to be asking my aunt Michelle.  She is an amazing cook. 


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