I am almost finished reading the new Alzheimer's book.  it has been helpful in some ways and some ways terrifying.  I am not ready for what is coming.  I am not sure anyone could be ready.  Mom moved the front door gate this morning.  She didn't go out, but nothing like having the front door open and the gate moved.  I tightened it tonight so that maybe she won't be able to move it.  She has been a bit calmer this week.  I think this will be her last real Christmas.  We are going to Tillie's for the holiday and I wanted to go to Richard's for New Year's, but that won't happen.  He wants us to come in the summer when the weather is better.  I guess he is right, but I miss those kids!  A lot!

I will finish up my sewing tonight.  I will have the program finished too so I will be ready for the concert tomorrow.  We have 11 students performing, 2 are going to be absent due to school events and most students are doing 2 pieces each except my little one.  She is only doing one song because she was absent for a few weeks and never finished learning the other Christmas song.  I can't believe how much she has grown.  I have known her since they brought her home from Russia at 6 months old.  Now she is 8.

I hope you are having a good day.

I have one student this afternoon.  I can't wait.  Charlie won't be here today because he has a Christmas Concert for his mom's nursery school.  That would be adorable to see.  He is going to play his tenor sax while the little ones sing Jingle Bells.  I hope they tape it so I can see it.  I have to finish my ornaments tonight.  I can't wait!  I love sewing although I haven't been very ambitious lately for new projects.  I have to send the presents to the kids early next week as soon as I finish their ornaments.  

After the new year I will be taking pictures of the violins and be putting them up on eBay.  I don't know how to do this yet, but I will learn.  I also have 4 or 5 cellos that need to be painted and sold.  I hope that I can sell of them for a decent price.  I will post pictures as soon as I take them.  I have about 25 or so violins and violas.

10 days until Christmas!  I am not that excited as I usually am about it.  It is almost like, yeah, whatever.  I haven't pulled the tree out and decorated it yet.  I also haven't wrapped any presents.  Mom doesn't seem that interested right now either.  I know that this is probably one of the last Christmases she will have with some sort of memory.  I anticipate that next Christmas she will probably be completely out of it.  She is sleeping next to me in her chair again.  I am watching Cold Case, it's a rerun but one I haven't seen before.  

Not much happening today, I hope you are having a great day.

Yesterday was a really busy day for us.  I was very glad for that.  We met Debbie after a lesson at Tim Horton's and then we had Gracei's play in the evening.  I almost forgot about the play but fortunately I wrote it in my planner!  Thank God for planners.  Without them I would be lost most days.  Today is also a busier day with 3 more lessons to go.  I love Mondays because they are so busy and I get to see the students.  It brightens my day a lot.  On the days where there is no lessons, life is dull and boring.  Mom is sleeping next to me in her chair as usual.  The gates are working really well and I am able to get some sleep.  I feel like I am making up for months of no sleep because I am sleeping 10 to 12 hours with at least 5 hours straight through at a time.  Yeah!  finally!  sleep!

I am almost done with the ornaments.  I will be done by Thursday since that is when I need them.  I have a few students paragraphs ready for the concert.  I don't have the order yet, I will do that later tonight after dinner.  I think we are going to go and get dinner because I am too tired to cook or even heat up something.  We will have enough money for it, so that is good.  I am not taking any time off from teaching during the holidays, if the students want lessons, I will teach.  it is entirely up to them.  I know that Bob and Charlie are planning to have lessons during the holidays.  I don't know about anyone else.  I will be letting my students know that I am teaching if they want lessons.

Not much else going on.  Just had a lovely time with Debbie and the play was alright.  I will be seeing Debbie at bit more because she is going to sing in the benefit concert in February and wants some help to get ready.  She is planning to come and see my students at the concert on Thursday.  I hope next year I remember to sign up for the hall way earlier than I did so we can have a Sunday afternoon like we usually do.  When I sign up for the spring concert I will sign up for Christmas at the same time.  then it will be done.

I hope you are having a good day too.

Hayley came to pick up her packages this afternoon.  We got about 2 hours with her so I was happy about that.  I can always use more time but I will take what I can get.  I also had one lesson before that.  I worked on the ornaments too.  I am also almost finish with them so I am really happy about that.  I will be finished by Thursday which is the day of the concert.  I will be working on the program tomorrow.  I have one paragraph so far.  I expect more before the concert, or at least I hope I will.  Goodness knows my students don't want me to write the paragraphs for them.  I tend to gush completely crazily.  So, they are going to want to write them themselves.  Speaking of which, I need to face book Lily's dad so I can get her paragraph.  I forgot to get it this afternoon.  Silly me!  There, I messaged him.  She is so adorable and growing so fast.  I can't believe she is going to be 12 already.  Time just flies away from me sometimes.

We are watching Numb3rs.  It is a great show.  It is on late so we have to wait for the DVDs to come out.  We just finished watching season 5.  Apparently, season 6 will be the end.  I am sad about that because it is so fascinating.  I am watching the special features and they are interesting.  Mom is sleeping next to me in her chair again.  Nothing new there.  She does this all the time.  I wish she wouldn't sleep during the day and sleep at night but I guess I won't be getting my wish anytime soon.

I am reading an interesting book about memory loss and the issues that come up with it.  I am about 1/2 through the book now.  Mom wants to read it too.  I don't know what she is going to understand, I know she won't remember what she read, but hey, if she wants to read it, she can.

Pain is medium today, my head has been better through out the day, it started off bad and then improved.  My hips are not so good because of the weather, which I expected.  I also expect my knees to be bad.

I will be visiting with Debbie tomorrow!  Yeah!  I haven't seen her in a few years since she has been in college and going to India.  I am really excited about seeing her after Katie's lesson tomorrow.  I don't know what we will do, but it will be fun!

I hope you have a great evening and a wonderful night!

I was supposed to go for sewing this afternoon, but unfortunately, they had to cancel because of scheduling issues.  I was disappointed but I will see them next week.  I have a bad headache today so it probably was for the best.  I am not my best when my head feels like it will explode.  It is just that I haven't seen the girls for sewing in a month!  It is entirely too long of a time between!  I miss them too much.  I am glad they are healthy again and no more flu.  They had the swine flu (at least we think so because it was such a bad flu) and everyone, including the baby, got it.  I need to get the vaccine for it but right now it is not available at the doctor's office yet.  I hope so soon or at least at a place where I don't have to stand in line because standing is so hard for me.

Other than the headache we are doing alright.  Mom is okay today, she is a bit confused and was freezing this morning.  I told her 3 times to put more clothes on but she just walks around and cries.  It is very frustrating.  It is like she doesn't realize she has clothes to wear and she wakes up so early.  Ridiculously early and expects me to get up too.  Well I don't.  I go back to sleep.  This morning she was hungry and wouldn't go down for breakfast unless I went with her.  So I went down made her cereal and went back to bed.  I am have tried putting the bowl with cereal in it on the table at night for her but she won't eat it.  She is so afraid of bugs and germs and all that type crap.  It is driving me nuts.  Sometimes I just want to scream!  This morning was one of them.

I hope you are having a better day than me!

I went to my friend Heather's house today for a visit.  It was such fun.  I haven't really seen her in years.  Yes, I briefly saw her this summer, but that doesn't count.  We had about an hour to ourselves before her little boy came home and then about 1/2 hour later her daughter arrived.  Both kids are so cute and nice and polite.  She also has two dogs that are very friendly.  They didn't jump up on us at all.  I like that in a dog.  Mom came with me of course.  She did okay until it started getting darker and she started freaking out over the wind.  She flips out over wind so easy.  She really is terrorized by the wind since she has been picked up from it and moved to another place.  It was years ago but to her it was just yesterday.  It is frustrating for me because we have wind a lot, so it's like she is freaking out a lot.  I have learned to keep our drapes shut in the dining room when she is in there because she constantly looks out and flips.  I wasn't ready to leave but she started being whiny and frightened so we left.  She had both hands on her hat when we left, fortunately, we only live about 10 minutes from Heather's house.

She did get a bit confused this morning when I told her we were going to Heather's until I started using the words my friend Heather.  Then she wasn't confused.  She is freezing again, as usual.  I am tired of trying to keep her warm, nothing works so she is on her own.  She puts on her outside coat instead of other warm inside coats so I give up.  Whatever, you want to freeze even more outside, go ahead.  Whatever.

I have to finish my sewing in a few minutes.  I need to have them ready for tomorrow when Hannah, Sarah, and I stuff and finish them.  Lydia and Natalie should be finishing up their tops tomorrow.  I am excited about that.

I don't really like this bitter cold we have because I do ache tons more than usual.

Well, I hope you had a good day, I sure did.

Mom had her blood test and her x-rays this morning.  I had to get up so early to take her.  Ugh.  I am not a morning person, I am not a night person either, I am a day person.   Between the hours of 11 am and 9 pm I am alright, any earlier or later, forget it, I am sleepy.  So her appointment was at 9 am which meant I had to get up at 8 am.  She did pretty okay except she is difficult when she gets up because picking clothes is difficult for her.  I usually pick her stuff, but she wakes me to ask what to wear.  I have to get up (usually super early around 6 ish) to get them for her and then I go back to bed.  I have tried to her to stay in her pajamas until I wake up.  It isn't as if she does anything except wander the house, but she just flips out.  She has no concept of sleep for me anymore.  It kinda really sucks.  Big time!  I am trying to get used to the new schedule but it is hard.  No sleep for me means crabby me which is not good for dealing with Mom.  Also no sleep means tons more pain which is really bad.

She is sleeping in her chair as usual.  I wish she would be awake more during the day maybe she would sleep more in the night, but she is a morning person and always has been.

We woke up to white stuff on the ground.  I guess I am ready for winter.  I have a new pair of sweats coming next week.  (Christmas present from mom)  I will now have 4 pairs.  I love sweats, they are so warm.  I do have nice clothes for when I need them, but I don't most days.

I am planning to sew the ornaments this afternoon after lunch.  Mom will go with me to the other room while I sew my presents.  I have everyone else's finished.  The only things left are the homemade ones!  

It should be an okay type day.  After sewing before Lily's play I may need to take a nap.  We shall see!  Have a great day!

I have finished my Christmas shopping!  yeah!  I am finally done.  Usually I am done by November because December lessons were always iffy and bills needed to be paid so I got in the habit of shopping all year round.  However, after the store, things were a little dicey.  I did get Mom some really cute socks (I hope she wears them) and a new throw blanket for the dining room chair she sits in.  I got her 2 new movies and 1 movie for me (Harry Potter of course!) and the Susan Boyle CD.  She has such a beautiful voice.  She made the world stand up and take notice of her.  I wish I could do the same.  Maybe sometime in the future. 

I have 2 lessons today.  Zach is starting again and he called to tell me he is on his way.  Then Charlie will have his after.  So all in all, a good day.  Mom did well while we went from store to store.  We hit Tim Horton's first (Mom was hungry), then Walmarts, Joann's, Border's, and then the Post Office.  I was disappointed in the selection of planners.  I guess I need to get them in the fall.  I did buy one a few weeks ago but I thought maybe there would be some cuter ones.  I was wrong, so I will keep the one I have.  Mom and I can share it.  She doesn't really need a planner since I keep track of everything for her.  I did buy her a cute calendar for the kitchen.  She saw it in Joann's and asked if she could get it.  Of course I said yes.  She asks for very little.  I am the big shopper of the family.  (well, not like I used to be.  Disability only goes so far and bills do need to be paid.  Teaching helps pay the bills)  I ordered the rest of my present on Saturday so that should be here next week so we are finished with the ordering and buying of presents.  Now I just need to finish sewing the ornaments.  I will do them tomorrow afternoon after Mom's doctor appointment.

I am in a bit more pain because of shopping, but not doing too badly from it.  I am glad I am done and home because the weather is about to turn bad.  I hope this finds you doing really well and having a good day too!

6 lessons this afternoon!  I was really really happy about that.  We are all getting ready for the Christmas Concert next week.  I am going to do what I used to do for the concerts, I have the kids write up small bios about themselves and put it in the bulletin.  It is fun to do.  I have a really cool CD ROM that has a lot of Christmas pictures.  It is quite cool.  I love the disc a lot.  I just have to find it.

My upper back is a bit sore today, might be from the long drive yesterday or not.  I slept pretty okay knowing Mom was blocked from different places in the house.  She didn't try to move either of the gates we have up so I was really happy this morning about it.  She also didn't move the chair I forgot to push in it at the table so she couldn't go into the kitchen either.  She stayed mostly upstairs, where I want her to be.

Harry Potter #6 movie comes out tomorrow!  I am getting (I think I can wait!) it for Christmas from Mom.  I am not sure if I can hold out until after Christmas.  I do know I am getting three more things from Santa for Christmas so I shall try to hold out on Harry Potter.  I will be working on the ornaments tomorrow so I can have them stuffed and the bells put on them on Friday.  I need to sew most of the bells before Friday because Lydia needs my machine to finish her top on Friday and it would be most unfair to use the machine on Friday instead of her.  Sewing days are all about the girls after all.  I plan to finish my sewing part by Wednesday latest.  I need to be ready for stuffing them by Friday.  I think Hannah and Sarah will be helping me.  Sarah can stuff them and Hannah and I can put the bells on them and finish the seam.  Then all I will have left will be to paint the names of the students on them.

I am pretty tired tonight.  I think we will be going to bed a bit earlier than usual.  Mom is tired too and a bit cranky tonight.  She is driving me nuts.  She constantly thinks other people are in the house when there isn't anybody here but us.  Then she cries, a lot.  I am running out of patience this evening.

I hope you are having a better night than me.

I picked up 3 baby (we call them safety) gates from Kathy today.  Yup, I drove all the way to Kalamazoo to see her and her family and pick the gates up.  It was great.  Nice easy drive on the way (2 1/2 hours each way), Mom slept most of the way down, Josh Groban CD in the radio and not much traffic.  We stayed a few hours, played with the girls watched Matthew play Wii and talked to Kathy!  I really enjoyed the visit.  Mom did well both there and back so day trips are on!  She didn't want to eat in the car and I didn't push it.  If she isn't hungry, I won't make her eat.  I told her how long it would be before we got home, the McDonald's was in a bag next to her so it was up to her.  I didn't think she would eat in the car but I was a bit hungry by that point so we stopped and went to the drive thru.  It worked out well.  I think we will be able to do it again.  I put up the gates in the front door and in front of the downstairs so she won't go down in the morning.  It is very tiring, but fun so it is worth it.

Tomorrow will be nice and busy.  Tuesday will be sort of busy, but the rest of the week won't be so much.  I do have some sewing to finish up.  The concert is in about 11 days so I have to finish the ornaments!  I have to make sure that I do them when the kids won't be here so they won't see them ahead of time.  The Muglia girls are helping me make them.  It has been 3 weeks since I have seen them because of the flu in their house.  I get them 2 times this week!  They aren't getting the ornaments for Christmas since they are helping me make them, that would be cheesy, but I have something for them that they will like.

I am almost done with Christmas shopping, I thought I was done but I have a few small things left.  I plan to get them this week before my money runs out.  I have to remember to pay my health insurance tomorrow before it gets cancelled.  It is due on the 20th, but I have 30 days to catch up on the previous month before it is cancelled.  I don't want to cancel it even though it is expensive, I don't think medicaid will cover as much and I don't qualify for medicare for another year, so you can see my problem.  I am trying to keep what I have until the medicare kicks in, then I will switch.  Unless something wonderful happens and I get a job that will pay for enough for medical insurance and day care for Mom.  There is no way I can leave her by herself all day.  That is a recipe for disaster, I will come home and she will be gone.  yeah, not a good idea!

I am heading for bed soon so I will end this now.  I hope your day was a great as mine!

Not much happening today, just the usual lesson.  It is Aggie's opposite week so she isn't having a lesson today, just Lily who was in a really good mood.  She usually is a happy girl, but today was just happier than normal.  It was a very fun lesson.  Mom was teasing her too.  She does so well with Mom.

I am going to get a gate for the front door so Mom can't get out.  Kathy has a couple (at least one for sure, maybe two).  She thinks she has a longer than a door one that I can put at the top of the stairs at night so Mom won't go down without me.  I explained it to her and she seemed to understand for now anyways, she will forget soon but I will remind her again.  That's what I am here for.  She is a happy girl today too.  Lily always brightens her up, most of my students do.  We are going to see Lily in her play Wednesday night.  There is a concert earlier before the play apparently so we will go a bit early to see the little kids.  Mom will like that.

I have to really decide what I want to do with my life.  Right now, I am just existing and getting by.  I don't like that feeling so I have to find new dreams.  I think when I lost the store, I lost my dreams.  So now I need new dreams.  Just existing to take care of Mom is not good.  I know she doesn't have any goals anymore, except to help me with mine.  I thought a lot last night about it.  I want to do what I originally planned before we lost the store.  Open a music school.  Right now wouldn't be good, but that doesn't mean I can't work on the details of it.  I don't want a store again.  I am not into the whole renting and selling of instruments, but I loved the teaching part of it.  That is what I lived for and the reason I got up in the morning.  I live for the moments I get to teach.  I am going to continue what I am doing right now, teach a few lessons, hopefully as the economy gets better I will get some more students and then open a school once things have improved.  There wouldn't be any point to it right now because lessons are so down because, I mean, really, a choice between lessons and paying bills, right, paying bills wins and I understand that.  But in the future!  A new school.  So I will begin the paperwork that I need to do: business plan, marketing plan, 501 c 3 papers (I plan to open a not for profit one - that way you can work with the libraries and the schools easier) so that in a year or 2 I will be able to move to a small building and begin.  I have enough experience with this, I just need the economy to accommodate my plans.  So that is the new goal and dream, that I can do.  Then, I won't need disability too, I will be able to support myself and Mom, not fancily, but enough for a vacation once a year, unlike now.  I feel so much better now that I know what I am going to do with my future.

It is suppose to snow soon, ugh!  (except for Christmas Eve and Day, of course)  I hope you are having a great day!