I went to Lily's school for Grandparents/Special Friends Day. It was a cool, fun experience. First we were in her classroom and we filled in a sheet talking about when we were in 7th grade. Boy, it is hard remembering that long ago. We wrote about our classes we had, what music we listened to, who were the stars of the day, what was technology like (no cell phones or VCR or DVDs), and what TV shows were like. I vaguely remember watching Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, Fantasy Island, and the Love Boat. We watched those regularly, rare did we miss them because, if you did, you missed the forever. Well, not now of course, but back then you did. I only remembered one singer from junior high days and that was Pat Benatar. I remember really liking her. Kathy got her record for Christmas one year, I remember and we listened to it all the time. Then we went to the science room for an experiment. That was cool. The kids had did this particular one yesterday. We made brass. We took a copper penny and put zinc on it and then heated it up. It changed into brass. It was really cool and Lily did everything expertly.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I am glad my cousin, Cathy is here for the week, although I am missing some yummy homemade food from Julie. Another time. She has been with me since Monday and it is nice to have someone here who doesn't have expectations of me. We have talked a lot, especially about Mom. She has done a bit of shopping too. She is shopping right now. She should be back soon which is good since I am really hungry and am waiting to go to Tim Horton's. I am simply really hungry right now. I won't see Kathy until Sunday which is fine, it fits her schedule. She wants to see a movie too so that will be fun. I think Cathy and I are going to see a movie tomorrow in the early afternoon. I am so tired right now I could nap. Getting up early 2 days in a row is exhausting. I just woke up early yesterday, I don't know why. I did sleep better since someone else was in the house with me. I wasn't really tired all day yesterday but I am today. I got up even earlier today. Maybe I will take a nap while I wait for Cathy to arrive. We shall see.
I am missing Mom a lot today. I had to turn off the Christmas CD in the car I was listening too. I couldn't do it. I don't think I will have Christmas music on this year. It makes me too sad. Maybe a different day would be okay, but not today.
My friend, Stacey posted that today was the 9th anniversary of losing her Mom. 9 years, that is simply awful. I can't even imagine. She takes care of her Dad, he has Alzheimer's like Mom did only he is in the early stages.
I haven't heard from Richard so I don't know if I am going for Christmas yet or not. I also haven't heard from the marketing company yet either. I will follow up on that next week since it will be two weeks at that point. Maybe I should submit another application and resume. Hard to say what to do.
I hope your day is good.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
more pictures to show of us.
me, Mom, Andrew in 1979
My Friends, Donna, Julie, Me, Mom at my birthday 1993
Me, Cinderella, Mom in 2008. We had dinner with Cinderella to celebrate all of our birthdays. Since I turned 40 that year, and was in the hospital on my birthday, I chose to celebrate it in Disney.
Andrew, Mom, Me in 1974 at Algonquin Park in Ontario. Richard was on the trip too, but I think he took the picture. Aren't I funny waving to him?
My favorite picture of Mom and I. We have the same smile in this picture. Mom always said I was her carbon copy. It's kind of the family joke. When I was younger, my brothers would always say, you aren't mom when I tried to tell them what to do.
Me, Richard, Mom around 1996 at Christmas
Mom in Woodsleigh in Prince Edward Island. Mom and I had a blast going to the land of Anne of Green Gables, my favorite series and the birthplace of Lucy Maud Montgomery, my favorite author. We had so much fun on our two week trip. I had always hope we would go back, but someday I will.
Mom and I in Mexico in 2003. We went on a cruise to three ports on the west side of Mexico. It was a really good trip. Our trips usually were fun as we had so much in common. When we went on vacation together you never know what would happen.
I started going on vacations with Mom when I came home from the 4th or 5th trip I went on with my friends and cried. Most of the vacations I went with my friends, I cried when I got home. My Mom asked if I would consider going on vacation with her. I said okay, very skeptically. The first one we went on to the Wisconsin Dells and the House on the Rock. Mom had been there before and really wanted me to see the house on the rock. It was the coolest thing ever. The house was actually built on a rock. It had the most amazing rooms as they were filled with instruments that were played automatically by robot type things. It was just awesome. It was the beginning of me getting sick, so walking was a bit hard as we had to walk up hill through out the house. We were gone for about 10 days and I didn't cry once. It was great. We had a wonderful time. We laughed so much and just talked about everything. There wasn't anything I couldn't tell her. She kept all my confidences too. She never told a soul about anything I said.
I have more pictures that have been found that need to be scanned. I will start this weekend after my cousin leaves to go home. I plan to do more next week while I finish the paperwork that needs to be finished too. I plan to finish the paperwork on Sunday so that I can make an appointment for next week to get this all taken care of.
I hope you had a good day.
fighting with the insurance day
I called the homeowner's insurance yesterday because they cancelled our policy. When I called to tell them about Mom's death, they said all I had to do was send in her certificate and a copy of the trust and they would just switch names on the policy. Well, apparently not. They have totally cancelled. Now I had thought that it was cancelled already, but apparently I do have some time. It doesn't cancel until December 20, so yeah, for that. So I called the insurance agent because the quote I got from the company was really high, like triple what I paid with the little lady here. It is amazing how much stuff has to be done because my little Momma has gone. If I wished she were here then, you can only imagine how much I wish she were here now! So the agent is going to shop around and see about what prices we can get. I hope to get something shortly that isn't too expensive. Ugh, this is a nightmare that keeps on going at times.
I have to pick up 2 more certificates for Mom because I don't have any left. I should have gone with my first instinct which was to get 4, it would have been much cheaper than getting more now and they would be paid for!
Cousin Cathy is here. We were up until after midnight last night. Yup, little me was up that late. We were talking, using the computer (she brought hers to keep in contact with her children), and all around doing fine. I would say I am enjoying myself as best as I can. She doesn't expect me to be the happy go lucky girl I once was, which is a nice relief. She doesn't expect me to be over my mom yet. She wants me to take my time and do things at my own pace. What a relief! I don't have to put on the fake happy face. I can be myself. Sometimes when I am out, I feel I have to put on the fake happy face. We are heading out in a few to go to the usual and also to Verizon Wireless to change over the account to my name only from mom's name.
I got up earlier than usual today despite my late night going to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow because I am going to Lily's school. Should be a good time. I am looking forward to it. Then who knows what Cathy and I will be doing. She wants to do a bit of shopping for Christmas. I already have William and Abigail's presents ready. They just have to be shipped. I have to get 2 gift certificates for Richard and Jennifer to add to the package, but other than that I am almost done. The last thing I need to get are the gifts for my students. Generally, I make their presents, some sort of homemade ornaments for them, but this year I am just not up to it.
Well, we are on our way out! It should be a good day. I do have 2 students later!!!!
I have to pick up 2 more certificates for Mom because I don't have any left. I should have gone with my first instinct which was to get 4, it would have been much cheaper than getting more now and they would be paid for!
Cousin Cathy is here. We were up until after midnight last night. Yup, little me was up that late. We were talking, using the computer (she brought hers to keep in contact with her children), and all around doing fine. I would say I am enjoying myself as best as I can. She doesn't expect me to be the happy go lucky girl I once was, which is a nice relief. She doesn't expect me to be over my mom yet. She wants me to take my time and do things at my own pace. What a relief! I don't have to put on the fake happy face. I can be myself. Sometimes when I am out, I feel I have to put on the fake happy face. We are heading out in a few to go to the usual and also to Verizon Wireless to change over the account to my name only from mom's name.
I got up earlier than usual today despite my late night going to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow because I am going to Lily's school. Should be a good time. I am looking forward to it. Then who knows what Cathy and I will be doing. She wants to do a bit of shopping for Christmas. I already have William and Abigail's presents ready. They just have to be shipped. I have to get 2 gift certificates for Richard and Jennifer to add to the package, but other than that I am almost done. The last thing I need to get are the gifts for my students. Generally, I make their presents, some sort of homemade ornaments for them, but this year I am just not up to it.
Well, we are on our way out! It should be a good day. I do have 2 students later!!!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday 11-22
My cousin, Cathy is on her way to see me! I am so excited about that! She is planning to be here for the rest of the week. I only have a few lessons during the week so it will work out well. I also will be at Lily's school for Wednesday morning.
For Thanksgiving I am making Cornish hens. Ooh, I have to take them out of the freezer. Be right back. There, it is done. I have been meaning to do that for about 40 minutes now. Silly me, I would think about it, then think, just a minute, and then forget again. Now it is all taken care of. I bought the veggies, mashed potatoes (Bob Evans pre-made brand), and stuffing. I bought cake mix to make the dessert. I don't particularly like pumpkin pie, its okay, but not my favorite. It was a favorite with mom, that is for sure, but not me. Often, she would eat the entire thing in a few days. I would cut big pieces for her as she was so small and would eat them. I am both excited and sad about this holiday. Excited, because my cousin I haven't seen in a long time (outside of the funeral and burial) will be here, and sad, because my mom isn't going to be here. She loved the holidays and really made a big deal out of them. She was just like a little girl with how excited she got. When I was younger, they weren't too fun for me as she would expect a lot of me, but as I grew into adulthood and we talked about it, they became just as fun for me as they did for her, especially Christmas. I did have the holidays planned for the year, I was so hoping Mom would last through them, although we know she didn't. I am going to put up my little tree on Friday and decorate it with all my little Disney character ornaments. They are so cute. The are actually too big for this little tree, but since both Mom and I loved them so much, I have to put them up. I don't really care that they are too big, it doesn't bother me at all and I don't care if it bothers anyone else.
I sent an email to Richard yesterday, I hope he answers it today. Actually, the poor guy got 2 from me. One asking about Christmas and the other asking about reviewing my resume. I put it in a new format that I like much better and I am hoping for better results. I have already thought of a couple of things I need to change to improve it. I decided I am going to try for a corporate training job at Oracle (one that doesn't say you need to stand for extended periods of time) after all. You never know, I might get one. I am hopeful about it. But I won't know if I don't try. That is the bottom line of this. I have to try. So I am going to try. I am also going to look at other places too, not just Oracle. I know they are hiring because I have checked out the job search already. I am also waiting to hear back from the job I applied at last week. I don't know how to follow up yet, but I will next week, if I don't hear from them. It is weird in this new way of hiring. HR people get bombarded by resumes and a computer program picks out the best ones. That is just weird to me because they are missing so much. A computer program can't really tell who is going to be good and who isn't. I just need the interview! That's all!
Anyways, my student should be here any minute now. I wonder if he knows of any place that is hiring part time. I certainly can use the job!
For Thanksgiving I am making Cornish hens. Ooh, I have to take them out of the freezer. Be right back. There, it is done. I have been meaning to do that for about 40 minutes now. Silly me, I would think about it, then think, just a minute, and then forget again. Now it is all taken care of. I bought the veggies, mashed potatoes (Bob Evans pre-made brand), and stuffing. I bought cake mix to make the dessert. I don't particularly like pumpkin pie, its okay, but not my favorite. It was a favorite with mom, that is for sure, but not me. Often, she would eat the entire thing in a few days. I would cut big pieces for her as she was so small and would eat them. I am both excited and sad about this holiday. Excited, because my cousin I haven't seen in a long time (outside of the funeral and burial) will be here, and sad, because my mom isn't going to be here. She loved the holidays and really made a big deal out of them. She was just like a little girl with how excited she got. When I was younger, they weren't too fun for me as she would expect a lot of me, but as I grew into adulthood and we talked about it, they became just as fun for me as they did for her, especially Christmas. I did have the holidays planned for the year, I was so hoping Mom would last through them, although we know she didn't. I am going to put up my little tree on Friday and decorate it with all my little Disney character ornaments. They are so cute. The are actually too big for this little tree, but since both Mom and I loved them so much, I have to put them up. I don't really care that they are too big, it doesn't bother me at all and I don't care if it bothers anyone else.
I sent an email to Richard yesterday, I hope he answers it today. Actually, the poor guy got 2 from me. One asking about Christmas and the other asking about reviewing my resume. I put it in a new format that I like much better and I am hoping for better results. I have already thought of a couple of things I need to change to improve it. I decided I am going to try for a corporate training job at Oracle (one that doesn't say you need to stand for extended periods of time) after all. You never know, I might get one. I am hopeful about it. But I won't know if I don't try. That is the bottom line of this. I have to try. So I am going to try. I am also going to look at other places too, not just Oracle. I know they are hiring because I have checked out the job search already. I am also waiting to hear back from the job I applied at last week. I don't know how to follow up yet, but I will next week, if I don't hear from them. It is weird in this new way of hiring. HR people get bombarded by resumes and a computer program picks out the best ones. That is just weird to me because they are missing so much. A computer program can't really tell who is going to be good and who isn't. I just need the interview! That's all!
Anyways, my student should be here any minute now. I wonder if he knows of any place that is hiring part time. I certainly can use the job!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thankful
Thanksgiving is coming up and every year Mom would ask, what are you thankful for? We didn't do this the last few years as Mom was to ill to take part, but I want to do it this year.
For one thing, I am thankful that I had a Mom like I did. She was a great Mom, even when she was sick with Alzheimer's. When I was younger we didn't get along too well because I was a teenager and thought she just didn't understand me. Looking back, yeah, I am surprised I survived being a teenager. I was very angry because I felt that Mom couldn't control the boys so she was a control freak on me. I now, of course, realize that she was just terrified that I would go down the same path as my brothers and she had such a hard time with them. It broke her heart that her boys hurt so much that they thought drugs was the answer. How awful for a parent to watch her children go where she can't help them. It was hard on me too, because they were so hurt and angry that I didn't connect with them either. I felt at the time, Mom should have realized I would never do what they did because I could see how bad it was. But, I imagine as a Mom, it was very hard for her and she lived in fear. Fortunately, both boys have straightened themselves out and are back to being themselves again. Richard is very successful and has a beautiful family, Andrew is just finishing school for a career he will be great in, I think.
I am also thankful for Mom because when I started to get very sick, no one knew what was wrong with me. I had my first flare up at 17 years old. I was a junior in high school and missed pretty much the last 6 weeks of school due to pain from Fibro. Mom took me to the doctor but they couldn't find anything wrong. Fortunately, the flare up ended by the end of summer and I could start my senior year. When I was in my 20s I got sick again, only this time, it never ended. I have been ill for over 20 years now. I am only 42 years old. Mom came with me time and time again to see doctor after doctor. Like so many of us, they couldn't find out what was wrong. I got told that it was all in my head, (like so many others that I know), I even got told I was emotionally disturbed and needed mental health help for that. We left that office rather quickly and Mom complained to the AMA about that doctor. Then in 2003, I came down with vasculitis. Vasculitis is very painful, worse at times than my fibro. It is when the blood vessels inflame. It takes about 3 to 4 months to recover and most people start one episode as soon as the other is over. I got lucky, mine went away and hasn't been back. We went to the Cleveland Clinic in January of 2004 to see the specialist about vasculitis. Mom came with me. The Cleveland Clinic encourages families to come with you. I wish my brother, Richard would have come too. That was when I was finally diagnosed with fibro, in January of 2004.
Overall, Mom had been an important part of my life for all of my life. Maybe if I wasn't sick I would have moved out and we wouldn't have been so close, but I don't know. When you are ill, sometimes you need help being taken care of. It has only been the last year that I have been able to do much of the stuff I can do by myself. Until March of this year, I needed help getting dressed. Now I can do it myself. It was hard, and still is at times. Socks are such a difficult thing! but I am thankful I can now dress myself again. I don't untie my shoes because it is hard to tie them back up. I buy slip ons when i can.
I am so thankful Mom was my mom. She was a really special lady and I hope to make her proud of me. I know she was, and I want to continue that. I don't want to fall into a depression, I don't think I have. i am sad a lot, but she has only been gone for just over a month. It is a bit easier most of the time now than it was. I think about her a lot, though not constantly like I was. I have asked to stop sorting through the house until after the holidays. I just don't want to add that to the difficulties of the holidays. I am hoping to be with Richard for them. I have checked some prices and I think I can squeeze it out, especially if I start work in January. I am hopeful I will hear from them this week. I really think I would be good at that job.
I hope you are having a good day too.
For one thing, I am thankful that I had a Mom like I did. She was a great Mom, even when she was sick with Alzheimer's. When I was younger we didn't get along too well because I was a teenager and thought she just didn't understand me. Looking back, yeah, I am surprised I survived being a teenager. I was very angry because I felt that Mom couldn't control the boys so she was a control freak on me. I now, of course, realize that she was just terrified that I would go down the same path as my brothers and she had such a hard time with them. It broke her heart that her boys hurt so much that they thought drugs was the answer. How awful for a parent to watch her children go where she can't help them. It was hard on me too, because they were so hurt and angry that I didn't connect with them either. I felt at the time, Mom should have realized I would never do what they did because I could see how bad it was. But, I imagine as a Mom, it was very hard for her and she lived in fear. Fortunately, both boys have straightened themselves out and are back to being themselves again. Richard is very successful and has a beautiful family, Andrew is just finishing school for a career he will be great in, I think.
I am also thankful for Mom because when I started to get very sick, no one knew what was wrong with me. I had my first flare up at 17 years old. I was a junior in high school and missed pretty much the last 6 weeks of school due to pain from Fibro. Mom took me to the doctor but they couldn't find anything wrong. Fortunately, the flare up ended by the end of summer and I could start my senior year. When I was in my 20s I got sick again, only this time, it never ended. I have been ill for over 20 years now. I am only 42 years old. Mom came with me time and time again to see doctor after doctor. Like so many of us, they couldn't find out what was wrong. I got told that it was all in my head, (like so many others that I know), I even got told I was emotionally disturbed and needed mental health help for that. We left that office rather quickly and Mom complained to the AMA about that doctor. Then in 2003, I came down with vasculitis. Vasculitis is very painful, worse at times than my fibro. It is when the blood vessels inflame. It takes about 3 to 4 months to recover and most people start one episode as soon as the other is over. I got lucky, mine went away and hasn't been back. We went to the Cleveland Clinic in January of 2004 to see the specialist about vasculitis. Mom came with me. The Cleveland Clinic encourages families to come with you. I wish my brother, Richard would have come too. That was when I was finally diagnosed with fibro, in January of 2004.
Overall, Mom had been an important part of my life for all of my life. Maybe if I wasn't sick I would have moved out and we wouldn't have been so close, but I don't know. When you are ill, sometimes you need help being taken care of. It has only been the last year that I have been able to do much of the stuff I can do by myself. Until March of this year, I needed help getting dressed. Now I can do it myself. It was hard, and still is at times. Socks are such a difficult thing! but I am thankful I can now dress myself again. I don't untie my shoes because it is hard to tie them back up. I buy slip ons when i can.
I am so thankful Mom was my mom. She was a really special lady and I hope to make her proud of me. I know she was, and I want to continue that. I don't want to fall into a depression, I don't think I have. i am sad a lot, but she has only been gone for just over a month. It is a bit easier most of the time now than it was. I think about her a lot, though not constantly like I was. I have asked to stop sorting through the house until after the holidays. I just don't want to add that to the difficulties of the holidays. I am hoping to be with Richard for them. I have checked some prices and I think I can squeeze it out, especially if I start work in January. I am hopeful I will hear from them this week. I really think I would be good at that job.
I hope you are having a good day too.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I am so tired!
I am so tired today! I got up at 5:30, although I was awake at 5 am this morning. I had to be up by 5:30 so that I could leave for the craft show by 6 am. It was about 50 minutes away. Ugh, I am so not a morning person. I think I freaked the lady out at Tim Horton's by going through the drive through so early. I took my drink and sandwich and headed to Redford. It is on the west side of Detroit and I live Northeast of Detroit so I had a long way to go. I haven't ever been to Redford so I was a bit worried about the directions, but I found it okay. I only got turned around once which was good. They helped unload the car and I went and set up. The show was not well attended. There were about 50 crafters there and very few people coming through. It was a fundraiser for 2 elementary schools and believe me, very few people came. I got lucky, I did sell 2 violins, but I didn't sell any books. I did do better than Donna, she sold nothing. The girl next to us did sell a bit, but not enough to pay herself back for the booth. I think every crafter there was disappointment with the turnout. I was. At first I seriously thought of leaving early because there were so few people there. I mean those that were commented on my violins, but didn't buy. then about 3:30, 2 people came and bought 2. I was so happy about that. That will pay a bill in December. I am definitely going to try ebay next though and another site too that sells arts and crafts.
Tillie and Maia were apparently here this afternoon. I was not happy to drive into a dark house because I don't like that. I left the light outside on purpose on so that I would be able to see when I got home. I also left a light on in the dining room so the house would be lit up. They turned everything off when they left and they also locked the bottom lock only which I don't like. I want the top lock locked, not the bottom lock. Please lock the deadbolt, it is harder to break into than the handle. I have asked for this before, but it doesn't always get done. I feel safer with the deadbolt on, not the handle lock. It is a safety thing for me. I am having a hard enough time being alone in the house, so I need the deadbolts locked. Eventually I will get used to being home alone, but not right now. Plus, I didn't know they were coming over so I was a bit freaked when I pulled into a dark house without any lights on. I know they didn't know I left it on on purpose, but I did. If I had known they were coming, I would have told them.
I am hoping this week will be a better overall week for me. I have some stuff I have to fax to the state of Michigan Monday without fail!!!! I can't forget like I have been, it is very, very important it get down. So tomorrow I will pull all the paperwork that needs to be faxed and do it first thing Monday morning when I get up. Then I will call the state of Michigan and let them know the stuff has been faxed so that I can finally set up my payment plan for the back sales and use tax from the store. Such a royal pain in the bottom this has been!!! Totally a pain!!!!
I am hoping for some new company next week for the week. I will let you know as this happens. Right now, I am tired of sorting stuff and need a major break from it. It gets too upsetting for me to do. I know people don't understand that, but they need to understand how hard this is for me. It is very hard going through Mom's stuff and I don't want to do it right now. I want the house to stay the way it is for a while, then go through the stuff. I just don't want anything done right now. I need more time to move forward, I feel like I am being rushed and ignored at times. Like what I want doesn't always matter, it is what everyone else wants. Well, I matter to me, and that is what counts. I want things just left the way they are. I am not moving anytime soon so the house doesn't have to be emptied yet. Just leave it alone.
I hope your day has been good. Mine was okay, not great, but not bad either. I did sell 2 violins which is 2 more than I sold yesterday so I am happy about that.
Tillie and Maia were apparently here this afternoon. I was not happy to drive into a dark house because I don't like that. I left the light outside on purpose on so that I would be able to see when I got home. I also left a light on in the dining room so the house would be lit up. They turned everything off when they left and they also locked the bottom lock only which I don't like. I want the top lock locked, not the bottom lock. Please lock the deadbolt, it is harder to break into than the handle. I have asked for this before, but it doesn't always get done. I feel safer with the deadbolt on, not the handle lock. It is a safety thing for me. I am having a hard enough time being alone in the house, so I need the deadbolts locked. Eventually I will get used to being home alone, but not right now. Plus, I didn't know they were coming over so I was a bit freaked when I pulled into a dark house without any lights on. I know they didn't know I left it on on purpose, but I did. If I had known they were coming, I would have told them.
I am hoping this week will be a better overall week for me. I have some stuff I have to fax to the state of Michigan Monday without fail!!!! I can't forget like I have been, it is very, very important it get down. So tomorrow I will pull all the paperwork that needs to be faxed and do it first thing Monday morning when I get up. Then I will call the state of Michigan and let them know the stuff has been faxed so that I can finally set up my payment plan for the back sales and use tax from the store. Such a royal pain in the bottom this has been!!! Totally a pain!!!!
I am hoping for some new company next week for the week. I will let you know as this happens. Right now, I am tired of sorting stuff and need a major break from it. It gets too upsetting for me to do. I know people don't understand that, but they need to understand how hard this is for me. It is very hard going through Mom's stuff and I don't want to do it right now. I want the house to stay the way it is for a while, then go through the stuff. I just don't want anything done right now. I need more time to move forward, I feel like I am being rushed and ignored at times. Like what I want doesn't always matter, it is what everyone else wants. Well, I matter to me, and that is what counts. I want things just left the way they are. I am not moving anytime soon so the house doesn't have to be emptied yet. Just leave it alone.
I hope your day has been good. Mine was okay, not great, but not bad either. I did sell 2 violins which is 2 more than I sold yesterday so I am happy about that.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day before the craft show
My friend, Heather B-T's husband, Bill is coming sometime today to help me load the car up. I am grateful for that. She is ill so she is sending hubby to help. Isn't that sweet of her? I am thankful. I have the violins in one area in the family room that are to go. I also want a box of pictures brought up too because I want to scan them tonight and Sunday (when I am not recovering from the craft show). I am excited about the craft show because I have never done one. I hope to sell lots of books and lots of violins and violas. I have about 20 of them. I am not sure when Bill is coming, but since I am not booked for time anytime today, it doesn't matter. Whatever fits his schedule works for mine. Maybe he will bring the little man and the little miss! Hm, that could be fun! I just love their children, they are such sweethearts and they are so adorable. I have the front door open (not the screen one, just the main one) to let him know I am home. So anytime now he will be arriving.
I have posted 3 albums on Face Book now of Mom and the family. I can't wait to post more. It is a lot of fun scanning the pictures in and getting them on disc. I think a lot of pictures will be scanned and kept instead of keeping the actual picture. Scanning is definitely the way to go. Saves on room and you can post them where you want. I have a few pictures I need to scan already of Mom. Some are from our vacations (as that is when we take the most pictures) and some from holidays. I do hope that for Christmas I will be with Richard and his family.
I am still waiting to hear from the marketing company. I hope to hear from them next week so that I hopefully will get an interview and get a job. My goal is to have a job by the first of January so I will be okay.
The Detroit Legal News has published Mom's death and sent notice to creditors. I already have one solicitation letter for real estate. I didn't realize I would be getting them, but apparently I am. Well, we aren't selling the house yet. I am hoping the market picks up in a couple of years and then we will sell. It isn't very good around here right now. We shall see what is going to happen.
It has been a pretty decent day today. I didn't sleep very well last night again. Not that this is new, but now I am not sleeping because I am afraid not because of pain. I am scared to be home alone some nights. I have checked all the windows and doors and they are locked, but still some nights I don't sleep well until after 5 am. I hope to sleep tonight as I am getting up at 5:30 am tomorrow for the craft show. Ugh, is all I can say about that time, but hey, it has got to be done, so it will. I can sleep in late again on Sunday and can take a nap on Sunday after my student, Katie has her lesson if necessary. So, you see, I have worked out the recovery details.
I do hope you are having a good day. I pretty much am. I talked on the phone with my friend, went to the usual, and now am just waiting for Bill to arrive sometime this afternoon/evening. I have some new magazines to read. My books aren't that interesting to me right now. I hope they improve in interest because they are by my favorite authors, I am just not into them right now. I am trying to get interested in more stuff, but it is hard because I really don't feel very much right now. I am still numb over losing Mom. I can sometimes smile more now, but overall I am still numb.
I had written more, but it won't let me post it all. I will post my thankfulness post later. how weird.
I have posted 3 albums on Face Book now of Mom and the family. I can't wait to post more. It is a lot of fun scanning the pictures in and getting them on disc. I think a lot of pictures will be scanned and kept instead of keeping the actual picture. Scanning is definitely the way to go. Saves on room and you can post them where you want. I have a few pictures I need to scan already of Mom. Some are from our vacations (as that is when we take the most pictures) and some from holidays. I do hope that for Christmas I will be with Richard and his family.
I am still waiting to hear from the marketing company. I hope to hear from them next week so that I hopefully will get an interview and get a job. My goal is to have a job by the first of January so I will be okay.
The Detroit Legal News has published Mom's death and sent notice to creditors. I already have one solicitation letter for real estate. I didn't realize I would be getting them, but apparently I am. Well, we aren't selling the house yet. I am hoping the market picks up in a couple of years and then we will sell. It isn't very good around here right now. We shall see what is going to happen.
It has been a pretty decent day today. I didn't sleep very well last night again. Not that this is new, but now I am not sleeping because I am afraid not because of pain. I am scared to be home alone some nights. I have checked all the windows and doors and they are locked, but still some nights I don't sleep well until after 5 am. I hope to sleep tonight as I am getting up at 5:30 am tomorrow for the craft show. Ugh, is all I can say about that time, but hey, it has got to be done, so it will. I can sleep in late again on Sunday and can take a nap on Sunday after my student, Katie has her lesson if necessary. So, you see, I have worked out the recovery details.
I do hope you are having a good day. I pretty much am. I talked on the phone with my friend, went to the usual, and now am just waiting for Bill to arrive sometime this afternoon/evening. I have some new magazines to read. My books aren't that interesting to me right now. I hope they improve in interest because they are by my favorite authors, I am just not into them right now. I am trying to get interested in more stuff, but it is hard because I really don't feel very much right now. I am still numb over losing Mom. I can sometimes smile more now, but overall I am still numb.
I had written more, but it won't let me post it all. I will post my thankfulness post later. how weird.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thursday 11-18
I had a blood test this morning for my protime. It took 2 pokes. Yuck, just not into that. Then I went to the drive through for the usual. I just wasn't up to going on in and sitting by myself. My friend, Rosemary wasn't there so I did drive thru instead.
After that I went to the tummy doctor's. It has been a month since I was supposed to go. I had to tell the Physician Assistant I see about mom when she asked about mom. She was very sad. So was the nurse. The nurse had tears in her eyes as I told her about mom. It has been a month today. It seems like forever in some ways. I am getting used to being on my own but it is still really hard. It has been 7 years for the nurse's mom and 14 years for the nurse's father. She said even though she knew her parents were together, it was still really hard and it took a long time to move forward. She said not to think about it moving on, because you never really do, it's moving forward, it isn't getting over either, just moving forward and that helped me a lot. Moving forward is also what Richard calls it. I am trying to move forward in my life.
I haven't heard from the direct marketing company yet. I am hoping I hear from them soon. I am so anxious to get this job. I am also looking for other work too, so I am not putting all my eggs in one basket, but I know this particular company is hiring. I will ask Phoebe about it in a couple weeks if I don't hear from them. I know it probably takes more than 2 days, I mean, I only applied Tuesday.
I want to thank all my readers for their kind comments about yesterdays post. I am so pleased to read that I am doing alright with grieving. I have heard from several that have let me know that it is an individual process and I shouldn't be on anyone's schedule. I will not worry about it anymore. I am doing okay. I did cry at the tummy doctors, but that was to be expected. I am having a better day today than I have had in the last few days, especially on Sunday.
I have been looking for a new pair of running shoes for almost 6 months now. Well, I was in Walmart and went to the shoe department, I don't usually do this, but their running shoes caught my eye. I have ordered and tried at least 4 pairs of shoes so far and none have fit just right. To my surprise, the shoes I looked at fit just right so I finally have a new pair of shoes. I am very excited about this as my old ones are really looking old and the arches aren't too good. I am hopeful for this new pair. I will be trying them tomorrow at home to see how they feel. I am hopeful that they will work well for me.
I went through about 24 envelopes of pictures and CDs of pictures last night, to find 5 pictures of me and mom, or just me or just mom. I take pictures of everything but people! Now I am sorry I didn't take more pictures of mom, but I do have quite a few too. Not too mention she will always be in my mind and heart so I won't forget what she looked like. I am enjoying scanning pictures too. It is fun. I will do more on the weekend. I am going to have my friend, Heather B-T bring up the big box of family pictures. Inside are many pictures of all of us. I also am going to start bringing in a box of slides every few months to be transferred to disc. I am excited about doing this. Mom and I had been meaning to do it for years and then poor little Momma got sick and forgot about it. I will do it in her place.
I have had an okay day today. Outside of the brief tears today, it hasn't been too upsetting. I knew the doctor would be upsetting because Momma came everywhere with me. So now all of my doctors know and I don't have to go through that again. I would say at this time everyone who knew Mom now knows she is gone. I have gotten lots of sympathy, which at times I need, not all the time, but sometimes, but more importantly, I have gotten support on moving forward in my life. It will be a hard thing, but I am not alone and that is important for me to remember even though at times I feel so alone, I really am not. I have friends and family I can call, not to mention face book or email. I may not be able to get a hold of someone right away, but generally, it isn't too long until I can get a hold of someone.
I hope your day was good and that you are having a good Thanksgiving Season. I am thankful for all my friends and family. I am also thankful that I had such a great mom who was also my best friend and companion. I have wonderful memories of her that I do cherish even if at times they hurt right now. I know eventually I won't the pain along with them.
After that I went to the tummy doctor's. It has been a month since I was supposed to go. I had to tell the Physician Assistant I see about mom when she asked about mom. She was very sad. So was the nurse. The nurse had tears in her eyes as I told her about mom. It has been a month today. It seems like forever in some ways. I am getting used to being on my own but it is still really hard. It has been 7 years for the nurse's mom and 14 years for the nurse's father. She said even though she knew her parents were together, it was still really hard and it took a long time to move forward. She said not to think about it moving on, because you never really do, it's moving forward, it isn't getting over either, just moving forward and that helped me a lot. Moving forward is also what Richard calls it. I am trying to move forward in my life.
I haven't heard from the direct marketing company yet. I am hoping I hear from them soon. I am so anxious to get this job. I am also looking for other work too, so I am not putting all my eggs in one basket, but I know this particular company is hiring. I will ask Phoebe about it in a couple weeks if I don't hear from them. I know it probably takes more than 2 days, I mean, I only applied Tuesday.
I want to thank all my readers for their kind comments about yesterdays post. I am so pleased to read that I am doing alright with grieving. I have heard from several that have let me know that it is an individual process and I shouldn't be on anyone's schedule. I will not worry about it anymore. I am doing okay. I did cry at the tummy doctors, but that was to be expected. I am having a better day today than I have had in the last few days, especially on Sunday.
I have been looking for a new pair of running shoes for almost 6 months now. Well, I was in Walmart and went to the shoe department, I don't usually do this, but their running shoes caught my eye. I have ordered and tried at least 4 pairs of shoes so far and none have fit just right. To my surprise, the shoes I looked at fit just right so I finally have a new pair of shoes. I am very excited about this as my old ones are really looking old and the arches aren't too good. I am hopeful for this new pair. I will be trying them tomorrow at home to see how they feel. I am hopeful that they will work well for me.
I went through about 24 envelopes of pictures and CDs of pictures last night, to find 5 pictures of me and mom, or just me or just mom. I take pictures of everything but people! Now I am sorry I didn't take more pictures of mom, but I do have quite a few too. Not too mention she will always be in my mind and heart so I won't forget what she looked like. I am enjoying scanning pictures too. It is fun. I will do more on the weekend. I am going to have my friend, Heather B-T bring up the big box of family pictures. Inside are many pictures of all of us. I also am going to start bringing in a box of slides every few months to be transferred to disc. I am excited about doing this. Mom and I had been meaning to do it for years and then poor little Momma got sick and forgot about it. I will do it in her place.
I have had an okay day today. Outside of the brief tears today, it hasn't been too upsetting. I knew the doctor would be upsetting because Momma came everywhere with me. So now all of my doctors know and I don't have to go through that again. I would say at this time everyone who knew Mom now knows she is gone. I have gotten lots of sympathy, which at times I need, not all the time, but sometimes, but more importantly, I have gotten support on moving forward in my life. It will be a hard thing, but I am not alone and that is important for me to remember even though at times I feel so alone, I really am not. I have friends and family I can call, not to mention face book or email. I may not be able to get a hold of someone right away, but generally, it isn't too long until I can get a hold of someone.
I hope your day was good and that you are having a good Thanksgiving Season. I am thankful for all my friends and family. I am also thankful that I had such a great mom who was also my best friend and companion. I have wonderful memories of her that I do cherish even if at times they hurt right now. I know eventually I won't the pain along with them.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
family pictures
I scanned some family pictures from 1978 to 1979. I scanned them myself. I wasn't sure if I could scan it myself because I have never used her scanner and used a scanner with the PC. I am not very good at computers at time.
Anyways, here is the eye candy from our family.
So some of the pictures we are in Montreal, some Niagara Falls, and Kentucky Natural Bridge. Some of them may have posted twice, sorry. I don't know how to fix out.
I just found out how, so I fixed it. Thanks Missy.
Wednesday 11-17-2010
It has been almost a month, tomorrow will be one month since Mom died. I am feeling very sad and angry today. Sad, because Mom isn't here with me, angry because according to some family members, I am not grieving proper nor am I trying to get over Mom. I found that out on Sunday. I was at first shocked, then, upset, then really mad. My Mom hadn't even been gone a month and I am supposed to be over her? What the? I mean, really, where is there reality? Mine is gone! I am learning a new life, and now I am supposed to be on their schedule? Well, shockingly as it is, I am not. I am doing the best that I can and too bad for them if it isn't good enough. I didn't appreciate being told I am not working hard enough on getting OVER Mom. I won't apologize to them for it either. This is my life and I am working the best that I can. Too bad it isn't good enough for them. When I first got home I called Kathy and cried for about an hour, mixing between anger and upset. I don't know what they expect but from what I have been told by others that have lost their moms, it could be a year until I feel normal again. That probably doesn't fit within their schedule either. So yeah, that has been my Sunday. I also had family members talking about me behind my back and I could see them do it. It was rather obvious to me. The reason I know that they were talking behind my back is because they spoke to me right after and then conferenced again. I did not appreciate that. I am adult, treat me like one. Also, Andrew gave Tillie permission to throw away anything of Mom's she wanted. Well, I didn't. I am the one who is going to go through her things, no one else. I will decide what I want and what I don't. I am the one who lives here, I am the one who took care of her so I will be the one to get rid of what is not needed. I don't care that I am a pack rat. I will cleanse as I see fit and when I see fit. Which isn't right now. I find it also annoying that outside of my friends and Richard, some members of the family haven't bother to ask me what I want. I have been told to move back to Canada. Not asked, told, not suggested, told. I was also told that I can "prove" I am getting over Mom by getting a Canadian address and OHIP card. OHIP is Ontario's health insurance. Well, that would be fraudulent and I am not breaking a law anywhere. I won't do it unless I decide to move and right now I am planning to stay in the house for a few years until we sell it and hopefully get more out of it then we will if we sell now. There won't be enough to cover any equity line and commissions so I am planning to wait and see if it increases in value in the next few years. According to the trust, I can live here for 3 years, well, I just might. This is the home I have known forever, this is where I want to stay right now. Maybe in a few months it will be different, but not right now.
I made an oopsie when I went to the doctor this morning. It was for the arthritis doctor. It was actually mom's appointment, not mine. I threw them for a loop but when they called they said me so what was I supposed to think? Anyways, I don't have to go on December 2 now because I went today. I had to tell the doctor that Mom died. She said Mom was probably happier now, well, I don't think so, I am not so don't tell me Mom is. I miss her horribly and I would like to think she liked being with me. I am not doing really well today and I have to go through this again tomorrow because Mom always came with me to the doctors and the doctor tomorrow will probably ask about her too. Although it would be worse for me if they didn't ask because that would mean they forgot about my mom and that would break my already broken heart. Either way I just can't win today, maybe tomorrow will be better. I sure hope so because today rather sucks for me. I either am angry or crying or both at the same time. I should be better by the time I teach. I have a new student tonight that I am excited about. 2 new students in one week!
I hope your day is better than mine. I am going to nap for a bit and see if I can calm down some. This crying and anger makes me ache more and very tired. I hope I sleep for a bit because I didn't sleep very well last night at all. I miss having Mom in the house at night, I really do. I don't sleep very well sometimes by myself.
I made an oopsie when I went to the doctor this morning. It was for the arthritis doctor. It was actually mom's appointment, not mine. I threw them for a loop but when they called they said me so what was I supposed to think? Anyways, I don't have to go on December 2 now because I went today. I had to tell the doctor that Mom died. She said Mom was probably happier now, well, I don't think so, I am not so don't tell me Mom is. I miss her horribly and I would like to think she liked being with me. I am not doing really well today and I have to go through this again tomorrow because Mom always came with me to the doctors and the doctor tomorrow will probably ask about her too. Although it would be worse for me if they didn't ask because that would mean they forgot about my mom and that would break my already broken heart. Either way I just can't win today, maybe tomorrow will be better. I sure hope so because today rather sucks for me. I either am angry or crying or both at the same time. I should be better by the time I teach. I have a new student tonight that I am excited about. 2 new students in one week!
I hope your day is better than mine. I am going to nap for a bit and see if I can calm down some. This crying and anger makes me ache more and very tired. I hope I sleep for a bit because I didn't sleep very well last night at all. I miss having Mom in the house at night, I really do. I don't sleep very well sometimes by myself.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
tuesday 11-16-2010
I have 2 students today. 1 is brand new to me! I am very excited about that. It shall be interesting. I always enjoy teaching and am thrilled to pieces that I have 2 new students starting this week.
Tillie and Maia went home. They were here today and yesterday. I don't have any plans for them to come back as right now I am doing alright and can handle being alone. I am getting used to the solitude of the house. I have even enjoyed some TV stuff which is a first for me in several months as I was so worried about the little lady. I really enjoyed the comments on her pictures and her story. I miss her a lot, but that is to be expected. The pain is not always gut wrenching like it was. Sometimes it still is, but overall, I am slowly, very slowly, healing. I think I will miss her forever, but I am trying to keep busy so I don't think about her all the time.
Today was the first day I went to the music store without Mom. She was so proud that I taught music. She would get so mad when people would ask when was I going to get a real job. She would answer, she has a real job in a very stern tone. She got so annoyed by people thinking I didn't have a real job. Well, teaching is a real job!
I am not, however, looking forward to the holidays as of yet. I do hope to get into the swing of things when they arrive. I am going to put up our little tree on the princess table in the living room and that probably is about it. I don't want to go all out like I had originally planned. We all know why but I do want something Christmasy out because not celebrating Jesus' birthday is not good. Why should he be ignored because Momma is with him? I mean, how cool for her, she gets to celebrate his birthday with him. I just wished she was here with me.
Not much happening this week except for 2 new students and my current students. I plan to apply for a job today online. I hope I get an interview. It is the place Phoebe works and it sounds fun. I am not looking for a new career right now, but something part time would help pay the bills and keep my disability so that is what is important. My limited mobility shouldn't be a problem as it is a sit down at the phones all day job. I probably won't want to talk on the phone when I get home though! That is what happened when I worked at a call center before. At least this will be a permanent type job not seasonal like the other.
Anyways, here is a picture of me and mom when I was at Kathy's wedding. It was one of the best days of my life. I think I was more excited than she was at this point. She was so tired after months of planning. I was so happy and excited about her wedding. The other great days were the birth of my niece and nephew and Kathy's children's birth. Graduation rates up there too.
I was thrilled to be one of the maid of honors. Her friend, Karen, and I shared the honor. It was such an awesome evening. Doesn't Mom look simply gorgeous???? I think so. I look pretty good too. I can clean up well. I still have the dress. Doesn't fit me anymore, but I still have it. This was in November of 1996.
I do hope this finds you doing well and having a great day! I am having a good one, can't say great, but overall, it is pretty good.
Tillie and Maia went home. They were here today and yesterday. I don't have any plans for them to come back as right now I am doing alright and can handle being alone. I am getting used to the solitude of the house. I have even enjoyed some TV stuff which is a first for me in several months as I was so worried about the little lady. I really enjoyed the comments on her pictures and her story. I miss her a lot, but that is to be expected. The pain is not always gut wrenching like it was. Sometimes it still is, but overall, I am slowly, very slowly, healing. I think I will miss her forever, but I am trying to keep busy so I don't think about her all the time.
Today was the first day I went to the music store without Mom. She was so proud that I taught music. She would get so mad when people would ask when was I going to get a real job. She would answer, she has a real job in a very stern tone. She got so annoyed by people thinking I didn't have a real job. Well, teaching is a real job!
I am not, however, looking forward to the holidays as of yet. I do hope to get into the swing of things when they arrive. I am going to put up our little tree on the princess table in the living room and that probably is about it. I don't want to go all out like I had originally planned. We all know why but I do want something Christmasy out because not celebrating Jesus' birthday is not good. Why should he be ignored because Momma is with him? I mean, how cool for her, she gets to celebrate his birthday with him. I just wished she was here with me.
Not much happening this week except for 2 new students and my current students. I plan to apply for a job today online. I hope I get an interview. It is the place Phoebe works and it sounds fun. I am not looking for a new career right now, but something part time would help pay the bills and keep my disability so that is what is important. My limited mobility shouldn't be a problem as it is a sit down at the phones all day job. I probably won't want to talk on the phone when I get home though! That is what happened when I worked at a call center before. At least this will be a permanent type job not seasonal like the other.
Anyways, here is a picture of me and mom when I was at Kathy's wedding. It was one of the best days of my life. I think I was more excited than she was at this point. She was so tired after months of planning. I was so happy and excited about her wedding. The other great days were the birth of my niece and nephew and Kathy's children's birth. Graduation rates up there too.
I was thrilled to be one of the maid of honors. Her friend, Karen, and I shared the honor. It was such an awesome evening. Doesn't Mom look simply gorgeous???? I think so. I look pretty good too. I can clean up well. I still have the dress. Doesn't fit me anymore, but I still have it. This was in November of 1996.
I do hope this finds you doing well and having a great day! I am having a good one, can't say great, but overall, it is pretty good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
