Thursday

I don't have anything planned today.  No lessons, no webinar, no nothing, so I am just going to scan some pictures into the computer and then transfer them to this computer so I can post them on face book.  I think I have finally finished posted most of the little mom's photos.  There are a few I didn't, because I missed them, but at this point, I see no need to go back and post them as there are over 100 pictures of the little lady.  I think people got the point of what she looked like, what she did, and some of us kids.

I had to call 2 doctors office's billing departments to let them know Mom passed away.  One asked if I could send a copy of the certificate to add to their file and close it out.  I said I would send a copy, not an original, they said fine.  So I will do that after I copy the certificate.

I am not sure how to spend my extra time.  It is something I never really had before.  I was always going from one job to the next and then to sleep.  I would sleep in between jobs too because it helped with the pain of going from one job to the next.  I am thinking of volunteering for a job, but I don't know which one I would want to volunteer for.  I am thinking the Red Cross.  I enjoyed working in their marketing department when I was in grad school.  It was a lot of fun.

I finished the webinar last night for the new teaching company.  They had a couple of suggestions for marketing, I am not sure I am going to do it though because I did try Craigslist and got a lot of scammers so I am nervous to try that one again.  We shall see.  I am hoping for a new student by the beginning of January as that will be into what has been saved.  I have enough for a few months and then I am in dire straights and that scares me to pieces.  Completely scares me.  I have always been able to find another job right away and in this economy that just isn't possible.  I have applied in other places too so I am not giving up, it is just with it being so close to the holidays, I am hopeful that after I will be finding either enough new students or something part time.  Whichever works, works for me.

I did get an email from Richard yesterday evening.  He hadn't answered me about the holidays because he doesn't really know what they are doing.  He is thinking of going out of town for them.  I don't know where.  I don't know if that means here, or somewhere where they can go snowboarding.  So it looks like I will be here after all for the holiday, which is something I really didn't want.  I wanted to be with him and the kids.  Oh well, maybe I wouldn't be such fun anyways seeing how sad I am right now.  I don't know, it is just all up in the air right now.

I am going to go downstairs and look for more family pictures after this, because I know there are more.  I bet they are in all the bags that haven't been opened for a long time.  Mom did like to put things in bags and then in boxes.  That was one of her quirky things.  I do it for some things, but not many.  I think Richard and I inherited her packratiness.  If Jennifer wasn't making sure the house doesn't get cluttered, his would be too, not just mine.  I am starting to work on some more rooms starting after the new year.  I just can't do it right now.

I hope your day is going well, mine is okay, not great or anything, but okay, kind of boring.  I know people always say, oh, if only I had nothing to do.  Well, it is overrated.  It is good to be busy.  Very good to be busy.  I am not busy enough these days.

1st of December

Hard to believe that December is here.  I think I have read that a lot today and it is true!  These last 6 1/2 weeks have been in a daze with some moments of clarity.  I miss mom a lot, but sometimes she seems like a dream I had.  I do know I had her because I wouldn't be here without her, but sometimes is seems so far away since I last saw her.  I want her back, I didn't want her to go, but I believe it was her time.  I am glad she didn't suffer, although I don't understand how because she had no food or drink for 9 days but I have been assured she didn't suffer at all with that.  She was in some pain occasionally which they took care of, not always as quickly as I would have liked, but it was taken care of.  I can still see her lying in that bed in the hospital.  I think a part of me always will as that was the last time I saw her.  She looked so small and tiny in that bed, but she was peacefully sleeping most of the time.

This month will have a bittersweet taste to me, I think, because Mom loved December and all the joy of Christmas.  At first, I didn't want to decorate at all and then i thought, that isn't very good because Mom would want me to celebrate Jesus' birthday.  So I am decorating, perhaps not as wildly as I would have with the little lady here, but Lily, Julie, and I are going to do some.  It will be good because the house will look festive for the season.

I haven't heard from Richard about the holidays so I don't really know what is going on with that.  I have made alternative plans if necessary.  I have places to go if I don't go out west, although I really want to go.  I miss my brother a lot.  I miss Andrew too, but I see him about once a month whereas Richard I don't.  First time I saw him in 2 1/2 years was at Momma's funeral and it wasn't like we could be happy about that.  We chatted, true, I got to hug him, true, but it isn't the same and I haven't seen his family in 2 1/2 years.  That hurts me because I am rather attached to his children.  I simply adore them.

I went to the lawyer's today and got some answers to some questions.  I also have some more paperwork to turn in.  Ugh, I thought I had it all but I don't.  Oops.  I also have to remember to go to Secretary of State to take care of the title to my car before I fax it too them.  I now own it as I paid it off last summer and the title needs to reflect that.  I will be able to keep the house and not turn it in to the bankruptcy so that is a relief.  That bill will not be discharged, but that is okay by me, I keep the house, the important thing.

Things are beginning to smooth out for me.  I have the webinar tonight with the new teaching company. I do hope I get a lot of students.  I understand they are cautious at first, but I need the students, not just for the money either, for the time it will spend and it is what I love to do.  I love teaching.  I think I am going to look into writing too.  I am not sure.  I have some things starting to go around in my head that might be good.  I don't know.  Right now, my head swims most of the time with worries and panics, at least I have not had a panic attack since Mom died.  I actually have not had one for about a year now so I am doing well with that.

It is snowing today and looking pretty (because it isn't sticking to the ground, it is just flurries).  It is also cold here.  I am actually cold right now.  I need to go get my hoodie and put it on so I won't be chilled.  I have a sweatshirt on but I am still cold.  Pain level is normal, my head is a bit more painful than normal but I think a pain pill will take care of that.

I hope you are having a good day.

Tuesday 11-30

It is the last day of November, a month I used to dislike because it wasn't sunny out too much.  Now it is just a lonely month.  I can't believe it is almost December.  I am hoping to be with Richard in a few weeks. I really am, otherwise I don't know what I will do on Christmas.  I need to be with the big brother.  It's just the way it is.  I need to be with him.  He is missed and so is his family.  I don't know if he knows what he is doing for that Holiday though.  He didn't answer my email, so I don't know.  I plan to call him after the interview today at 1:30 pm to let him know how it went.  15 more minutes and my interview will start.  I hope they call on time.  I hate being late.  I have the phone all charged and everything waiting for them.

I was supposed to have 2 lessons today, but Dawson is ill, so he will have a make-up later this week.  Poor guy, it's tough to be ill, although the missing school part is probably not the worst for him.  I used to love missing school.  I hated school with a passion.  It was just plain awful.  I remember one time, I forgot my house key and I went home early because I was ill.  I had to go up to the high school to get Richard to get his key.  It happened to be one of the days he was there.  He told the principal he should go home and take care of his little sister.  Yeah, he made me soup, tucked me into bed and then went out with his friends.  Well, I was taken care of.  I fell asleep and he was gone.  I probably would have done the exact same thing if I was him.

I am copying all the bills for the lawyer tomorrow.  I will be heading up to Speedy printing to take care of it after the interview (which is supposed to last about 1/2 hour).  I am almost done copying everything.  I came home to get ready for the interview.  I am excited about this.  First interview I have done in about 9 years so I am a bit nervous too.  I will let you know how I do after the interview which should be any minute now.  It is almost 1:30 pm.  I am also nervous they will forget to call.  I would hope not, but one never knows in this society.

I got the job!!!!  Yes, I now also teach for Takelessons.com.  It doesn't pay as much as my students pay me but that is okay.  They do all the work getting the student and I teach.  It is fair.  At the studio we paid rent so I am used to it.  It is a bit less that I am used to, but that is alright.  I don't mind or I wouldn't have taken the job.  I need a total of 10 new students to make the house bills and my bills work.  I am not sure when I will have that many new students, but I am praying a lot about it.  I am short with just the disability and really need the money to pay all my bills.  I don't have that many, but disability isn't quite enough to live on right now.  In February, Medicare kicks in so that helps a lot.  It is just getting there between now and February.  I can get help to pay the electricity and heat if necessary, but who knows if I will need it.  Right now I am just praying for help and so far, I must say, He has been helping.  Richard is very proud of me.  He said so.  He was so excited that I got the position.  I was very pleased.  I do hope that I don't need another job on top of this one.  I really do because I would like to put my time into teaching since that is what I love to do.

Anyways, it has been an exciting day over.  I finished the paperwork, I have copied the bills, and I got a new position, just need the students to go with it.  I didn't get a chance to ask Richard about Christmas, it is looking like I will be in town for it.  I am disappointed with that.  I hope I get to go.

I hope your day is going well too.  Pain level isn't too bad either, so that is good, especially since it is raining.

Monday 11-29

Seems weird that November is almost over.  I can't believe it.  Sometimes, time flies, other times is crawls.  I can't believe it has been 7 weeks since I last spoke to Mom and 6 weeks since she died.  I am doing alright with it.  Sometimes I cry, mostly I don't.  I am just very sad most of the time.  I don't really enjoy a whole lot of stuff right now, but I am not expecting myself too though either.  I know that I will miss Mom a lot for a while, and then I will just miss her less as time goes on.  I never gave it any thought about life without Mom, I lived in a bubble.  I just expected my Mom to be there always.

It isn't so bad today.  I had a sad moment when I realized that it has been 6 weeks since I last saw her alive, but it didn't last too long.  I wonder how many more Mondays will the thoughts of Mom cross my mind?  I don't mean for it too, but it does.  I just miss the little lady a lot, even the one she turned into with Alzheimer's.  I wish Lily could have known her when she was very healthy and herself.  I am glad that Lily, Emily, and Elyse all got to know her, even if she did have Alzheimer's, but I wish they could have seen the vibrant woman she was.  She was something, let me tell you.  She was a pistol.  She laughed a lot with me.  She was very funny.  In July, when we went to see Kathy, a bit of her came out because all of a sudden Kathy looked at Mom and asked, "Are you teasing me?"  Mom smiled and nodded.  That was Mom.  She never teased meanly though, never.  She would do gently teasing because she knew that teasing could get out of hand.  She was just so much fun at times.  Yes, there were times when she wasn't, but overall, she was a lot of fun.  I have more pictures of her to scan and post.  I can't wait to do them.  I know we have more, I just have to find them.

Lily is possibly coming next weekend to decorate the house.  I am not sure exactly what we are going to do, but I know we aren't doing the outside, because I don't have the lights and I don't have the money for the electricity either so no outside lighting this year.  Perhaps another year I will, but this year is a minimum year due to the mourning I am in.  I don't wish to make mourning an excuse for anything, but I am not sure I am ready for over the top decorating I like to do.  We shall see.

I had 4 lessons today.  It was great.  I have the appointment for the lawyer on Wednesday at 11 am.  Julie, like I have said, will be coming with me.  I am excited to be so close to finishing up this.  I really am.  It has been a long 2 1/2 years that I have been working on this.  I need this to be so over so that I can move on from it.

Tomorrow is the phone interview with the other studio.  I do hope to impress them and do well.  I really need new students in order to pay my bills.  Yes, I know I have to trust that God will provide and show me the way, but so far, I think this is it.  The first parts went so smoothly so I am hopeful.  If it doesn't work out, we shall see what else is out there.

I hope your day is going well.  I am sad today.  I was fine while people are here, but I am sad when they all go home.  I am still getting used to being on my own.  It will get easier I am sure, it is just hard right now, it has only been 6 weeks.  I wonder how the boys are doing with this?

Sunday 11-28

I had lunch with Kathy today.  It was fun.  We went to one of our usuals, Red Lobster for their soup and salad combo.  It is so yummy.  Fresh shrimp on the salad, romaine lettuce (I can't eat the iceberg so I always ask for no iceberg lettuce on all my salads), cucumbers, what can I say?  The soup in a bread bowl! Yeah, just simply scrumptious!  Kathy and I always end up getting the same thing, rather weird how we have always done that, but we do.  Almost everywhere we go we get the same thing most times.  We have very similar tastes!  We do like a lot of the same things.  After lunch we went to Walmart's. I now have most of my shopping done!  Yup, I am rather glad about that.  I just have 3 more things to buy and I am done.  Richard, Jennifer and 1 more and that is it.  I also picked up a gravy boat.  Ours died many years ago unfortunately, now I have one.  I am actually very thrilled about it.  It was $5 and it is white so it goes with any set of dishes.  I don't like using measuring cups for gravy.  It is just tacky, but when you don't have a gravy boat, what can you do?  Not much, that is for sure but now I have one and that is great!

I am working on copying the rest of the paperwork for  the lawyer for the bankruptcy.  I can't wait to get this over with.  This will be the last of the remnants of the store stuff.  A new beginning with better results, I hope.  I have someone coming with me so that I have another set of ears listening to what I am being told and the answers to my questions.  I have ever so many in my head that I hope I remember them all.  I have a friend who has a few too.  I am thankful for that.

I was really missing Mom last night after everyone left.  I had a few tears because I was alone again.  Not so many tears today, almost in the car with Kathy, but I held them back after a few seconds.  I am trying to find my purpose in life now that Mom is gone.  I loved taking care of her, I really did.  I lived for that at times.  I felt important and now I don't feel so important.  Actually, I don't feel important at all right now.  I haven't since I finished taking care of stuff for Mom.  The hours that I teach I feel purposeful, but not the rest of the day, then I feel unimportant and no purpose.  I don't like this feeling.  I have to find a new purpose for the rest of my day, but I haven't yet.  It is very slow progress.  Sometimes I feel like I make some, then I feel I haven't made any.  I do hope that soon I will feel like I have made much progress and find a new purpose in life because right now, I don't feel like I have one right now.

Pain level is a bit high this afternoon for my headache this afternoon.  My neck is a bit stiff too for some odd reason.  I don't usually have a neck ache but I do today.  I think I am just stressed.  I hope your day is better.

Saturday 11-27

Cathy left this afternoon about 2ish.  Hayley arrived at about 1 and left about 4ish.  It was so fun to have Cathy here for the week.  I enjoyed the afternoon with Hayley.  It was very nice.  I am looking forward to see Kathy H tomorrow.  I pick her up and then off to brunch we go!  What fun that will be.  She will be going home tomorrow afternoon so I will only get her for a few hours, but that is okay.  I will take what I can get.

My cousins are going to my Uncle's next week too.  I am very excited about it.  I haven't had a family together with this much family except for the funeral and the burial services and that was the first time in months.  The first time in years was Mom's birthday party.

Cathy and I talked so much while we were together.  It was great to have someone to talk to that is easy going mostly.  She talked about taking my time going through Mom's stuff and not rushing into anything.  I agree.  That is what I am going to do.  I plan to start going through Mom's room in January.  I am going to take care of clothes first and then finish with what is in her drawers.  Some of the stuff that is in there is actually mine.  I need to put her bed back together with the mattress off the floor.  We moved the mattress off of the bed frame for safety for the little lady.  She needed to be lower to the bed since she had a hard time getting in her bed after a while.  Couldn't have her lying on the floor which is where I found her 2 times before we moved the mattress.  Bob was generous enough to help me.  I will clean out the end of her bed first.  There are boxes of clothes on her bed right now that I need to check and make sure nothing of mine is in there.  I don't think there is, but you never know.

I miss her so much sometimes that it still hurts.  It isn't such the gut wrenching pain that I had when she first passed away, but it is still enough to bring up tears at times.  I wrote out all the thank you notes yesterday.  I cried for the first few I did because I was sad I had to do them, I was sad at the reason I had to do them.  I mean, I want my mom. plain and simple.  At least I am comforted that I will see her again someday and then we will be together and never parted again.  She is waiting for me.  The lady at Tim Horton's told me she was so sorry about my mom.  She hasn't seen me since my mom passed so she couldn't tell me.  I think she is the owner's aunt.  She is a very nice lady.  I had tears in my eyes because I still choke up when someone tells me how sorry they are.  I don't mind though because I would rather Mom not be forgotten.  She never will by me.

All in all, it was an enjoyable week and I am so glad my cousin, Cathy was able to come and that my cousin, Hayley was able to come today.  I hope your day is good too.

the day after Thanksgiving

I survived Thanksgiving without the little Momma.  Yup, Cathy and I had a enjoyable time.  It was very nice.  I am very glad she is here.  She went shopping last night and this morning while I slept.  I don't like shopping and I can't stand in lines, so no real shopping for me.  Unless I have my scooter or they have one, forget about it, can't really do it.

I made Cornish hens for dinner last night.  We demolished those right up.  We each had one.  Boy were they good.  They were still a bit frozen so I had to cook them a bit longer and then I had to microwave them at the very end.  Next time, I will do the water way of thawing those type birds.  Lately, the last few times I made them we had this issue.  I don't get it.  You have to thaw them in the fridge, which I did, I pulled them out on Monday and they were still frozen by Thursday.  Whatever, they are gone now.  I also made a cake for dessert.  We have plenty left over for today and tomorrow.  We also had the usual, stuffing, veggies, and mashed potatoes.  I did buy scalloped potatoes, but changed my mind on that.

I can't wait to find out what all Cathy got shopping.  I am sure she will let me know when she wakes up.  I am not waking her as she was awake all day yesterday and all night last night.  I got up at 5:30 to visit mother nature and she wasn't back yet, so you know she must be exhausted.  She has a long drive home tomorrow too, so she needs her sleep.

I am missing Mom a lot today, I did yesterday too.  It seems rather unfair that I should be here having a nice Thanksgiving and she isn't here to enjoy it with us.  So unfair.  I hope this Holiday season isn't too bad for me.  I feel kind of weepy this afternoon.  I just miss her so much.  My companion is gone as well as my mother.  I don't know how my friends who have lost their moms do it, but I will learn I suppose.

We did see Harry Potter yesterday.  It was good.  I wasn't as thrilled about it as I was before Mom died, but that is to be expected, I think.  It was an enjoyable movie.  We both liked it.  What we both didn't like is we have to wait until summer to see the rest.  Unfair!  Although, I agree, it had to be split or you would miss so much.  I really do think they should have split books 4, 5, and 6 also as they were big too and you missed a lot in the movies.

Pain hasn't been too bad with the weather getting colder.  I am hopeful it will stay this way.  Today, though, I have a bad headache.  I took a pain pill so I hope it works soon because it is really bad.

I hope your day is good.

Day Before Thanksgiving

I went to Lily's school for Grandparents/Special Friends Day.  It was a cool, fun experience.  First we were in her classroom and we filled in a sheet talking about when we were in 7th grade.  Boy, it is hard remembering that long ago.  We wrote about our classes we had, what music we listened to, who were the stars of the day, what was technology like (no cell phones or VCR or DVDs), and what TV shows were like.  I vaguely remember watching Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, Fantasy Island, and the Love Boat.  We watched those regularly, rare did we miss them because, if you did, you missed the forever.  Well, not now of course, but back then you did.  I only remembered one singer from junior high days and that was Pat Benatar.  I remember really liking her.  Kathy got her record for Christmas one year, I remember and we listened to it all the time.  Then we went to the science room for an experiment.  That was cool.  The kids had did this particular one yesterday.  We made brass.  We took a copper penny and put zinc on it and then heated it up.  It changed into brass.  It was really cool and Lily did everything expertly.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I am glad my cousin, Cathy is here for the week, although I am missing some yummy homemade food from Julie.  Another time.  She has been with me since Monday and it is nice to have someone here who doesn't have expectations of me.  We have talked a lot, especially about Mom.  She has done a bit of shopping too.  She is shopping right now.  She should be back soon which is good since I am really hungry and am waiting to go to Tim Horton's.  I am simply really hungry right now.  I won't see Kathy until Sunday which is fine, it fits her schedule.  She wants to see a movie too so that will be fun.  I think Cathy and I are going to see a movie tomorrow in the early afternoon.  I am so tired right now I could nap.  Getting up early 2 days in a row is exhausting.  I just woke up early yesterday, I don't know why.  I did sleep better since someone else was in the house with me.  I wasn't really tired all day yesterday but I am today.  I got up even earlier today.  Maybe I will take a nap while I wait for Cathy to arrive.  We shall see.

I am missing Mom a lot today.  I had to turn off the Christmas CD in the car I was listening too.  I couldn't do it.  I don't think I will have Christmas music on this year.  It makes me too sad.  Maybe a different day would be okay, but not today.

My friend, Stacey posted that today was the 9th anniversary of losing her Mom.  9 years, that is simply awful.  I can't even imagine.  She takes care of her Dad, he has Alzheimer's like Mom did only he is in the early stages.

I haven't heard from Richard so I don't know if I am going for Christmas yet or not.  I also haven't heard from the marketing company yet either.  I will follow up on that next week since it will be two weeks at that point.  Maybe I should submit another application and resume.  Hard to say what to do.

I hope your day is good.

more pictures to show of us.

me, Mom, Andrew in 1979

My Friends, Donna, Julie, Me, Mom at my birthday 1993

Me, Cinderella, Mom in 2008.  We had dinner with Cinderella to celebrate all of our birthdays.  Since I turned 40 that year, and was in the hospital on my birthday, I chose to celebrate it in Disney.

Andrew, Mom, Me in 1974 at Algonquin Park in Ontario.  Richard was on the trip too, but I think he took the picture.  Aren't I funny waving to him?

My favorite picture of Mom and I.  We have the same smile in this picture.  Mom always said I was her carbon copy.  It's kind of the family joke.  When I was younger, my brothers would always say, you aren't mom when I tried to tell them what to do.

Me, Richard, Mom around 1996 at Christmas 

Mom in Woodsleigh in Prince Edward Island.  Mom and I had a blast going to the land of Anne of Green Gables, my favorite series and the birthplace of Lucy Maud Montgomery, my favorite author.  We had so much fun on our two week trip.  I had always hope we would go back, but someday I will.

Mom and I in Mexico in 2003.  We went on a cruise to three ports on the west side of Mexico.  It was a really good trip.  Our trips usually were fun as we had so much in common.  When we went on vacation together you never know what would happen.

I started going on vacations with Mom when I came home from the 4th or 5th trip I went on with my friends and cried.  Most of the vacations I went with my friends, I cried when I got home.  My Mom asked if I would consider going on vacation with her.  I said okay, very skeptically.  The first one we went on to the Wisconsin Dells and the House on the Rock.  Mom had been there before and really wanted me to see the house on the rock.  It was the coolest thing ever.  The house was actually built on a rock.  It had the most amazing rooms as they were filled with instruments that were played automatically by robot type things.  It was just awesome.  It was the beginning of me getting sick, so walking was a bit hard as we had to walk up hill through out the house.  We were gone for about 10 days and I didn't cry once.  It was great.  We had a wonderful time.  We laughed so much and just talked about everything.  There wasn't anything I couldn't tell her.  She kept all my confidences too.  She never told a soul about anything I said.

I have more pictures that have been found that need to be scanned.  I will start this weekend after my cousin leaves to go home.  I plan to do more next week while I finish the paperwork that needs to be finished too.  I plan to finish the paperwork on Sunday so that I can make an appointment for next week to get this all taken care of.

I hope you had a good day.

fighting with the insurance day

I called the homeowner's insurance yesterday because they cancelled our policy.  When I called to tell them about Mom's death, they said all I had to do was send in her certificate and a copy of the trust and they would just switch names on the policy.  Well, apparently not.  They have totally cancelled.  Now I had thought that it was cancelled already, but apparently I do have some time.  It doesn't cancel until December 20, so yeah, for that.  So I called the insurance agent because the quote I got from the company was really high, like triple what I paid with the little lady here.  It is amazing how much stuff has to be done because my little Momma has gone.  If I wished she were here then, you can only imagine how much I wish she were here now!  So the agent is going to shop around and see about what prices we can get.  I hope to get something shortly that isn't too expensive.  Ugh, this is a nightmare that keeps on going at times.

I have to pick up 2 more certificates for Mom because I don't have any left.  I should have gone with my first instinct which was to get 4, it would have been much cheaper than getting more now and they would be paid for!

Cousin Cathy is here.  We were up until after midnight last night.  Yup, little me was up that late.  We were talking, using the computer (she brought hers to keep in contact with her children), and all around doing fine.  I would say I am enjoying myself as best as I can.  She doesn't expect me to be the happy go lucky girl I once was, which is a nice relief.  She doesn't expect me to be over my mom yet.  She wants me to take my time and do things at my own pace.  What a relief!  I don't have to put on the fake happy face.  I can be myself.  Sometimes when I am out, I feel I have to put on the fake happy face.  We are heading out in a few to go to the usual and also to Verizon Wireless to change over the account to my name only from mom's name.

I got up earlier than usual today despite my late night going to bed.  I have to get up early tomorrow because I am going to Lily's school.  Should be a good time.  I am looking forward to it.  Then who knows what Cathy and I will be doing.  She wants to do a bit of shopping for Christmas.  I already have William and Abigail's presents ready.  They just have to be shipped.  I have to get 2 gift certificates for Richard and Jennifer to add to the package, but other than that I am almost done.  The last thing I need to get are the gifts for my students.  Generally, I make their presents, some sort of homemade ornaments for them, but this year I am just not up to it.

Well, we are on our way out!  It should be a good day.  I do have 2 students later!!!!

Monday 11-22

My cousin, Cathy is on her way to see me!  I am so excited about that!  She is planning to be here for the rest of the week.  I only have a few lessons during the week so it will work out well.  I also will be at Lily's school for Wednesday morning.

For Thanksgiving I am making Cornish hens.  Ooh, I have to take them out of the freezer.  Be right back.  There, it is done.  I have been meaning to do that for about 40 minutes now.  Silly me, I would think about it, then think, just a minute, and then forget again.  Now it is all taken care of.  I bought the veggies, mashed potatoes (Bob Evans pre-made brand), and stuffing.  I bought cake mix to make the dessert.  I don't particularly like pumpkin pie, its okay, but not my favorite.  It was a favorite with mom, that is for sure, but not me.  Often, she would eat the entire thing in a few days.  I would cut big pieces for her as she was so small and would eat them.  I am both excited and sad about this holiday.  Excited, because my cousin I haven't seen in a long time (outside of the funeral and burial) will be here, and sad, because my mom isn't going to be here.  She loved the holidays and really made a big deal out of them.  She was just like a little girl with how excited she got.  When I was younger, they weren't too fun for me as she would expect a lot of me, but as I grew into adulthood and we talked about it, they became just as fun for me as they did for her, especially Christmas.  I did have the holidays planned for the year, I was so hoping Mom would last through them, although we know she didn't.  I am going to put up my little tree on Friday and decorate it with all my little Disney character ornaments.  They are so cute.  The are actually too big for this little tree, but since both Mom and I loved them so much, I have to put them up.  I don't really care that they are too big, it doesn't bother me at all and I don't care if it bothers anyone else.

I sent an email to Richard yesterday, I hope he answers it today.  Actually, the poor guy got 2 from me.  One asking about Christmas and the other asking about reviewing my resume.  I put it in a new format that I like much better and I am hoping for better results.  I have already thought of a couple of things I need to change to improve it.  I decided I am going to try for a corporate training job at Oracle (one that doesn't say you need to stand for extended periods of time) after all.  You never know, I might get one.  I am hopeful about it.  But I won't know if I don't try.  That is the bottom line of this.  I have to try.  So I am  going to try.  I am also going to look at other places too, not just Oracle.  I know they are hiring because I have checked out the job search already.  I am also waiting to hear back from the job I applied at last week.  I don't know how to follow up yet, but I will next week, if I don't hear from them.  It is weird in this new way of hiring.  HR people get bombarded by resumes and a computer program picks out the best ones.  That is just weird to me because they are missing so much.  A computer program can't really tell who is going to be good and who isn't.  I just need the interview!  That's all!

Anyways, my student should be here any minute now.  I wonder if he knows of any place that is hiring part time.  I certainly can use the job!