Monday, November 29, 2010

Monday 11-29

Seems weird that November is almost over.  I can't believe it.  Sometimes, time flies, other times is crawls.  I can't believe it has been 7 weeks since I last spoke to Mom and 6 weeks since she died.  I am doing alright with it.  Sometimes I cry, mostly I don't.  I am just very sad most of the time.  I don't really enjoy a whole lot of stuff right now, but I am not expecting myself too though either.  I know that I will miss Mom a lot for a while, and then I will just miss her less as time goes on.  I never gave it any thought about life without Mom, I lived in a bubble.  I just expected my Mom to be there always.

It isn't so bad today.  I had a sad moment when I realized that it has been 6 weeks since I last saw her alive, but it didn't last too long.  I wonder how many more Mondays will the thoughts of Mom cross my mind?  I don't mean for it too, but it does.  I just miss the little lady a lot, even the one she turned into with Alzheimer's.  I wish Lily could have known her when she was very healthy and herself.  I am glad that Lily, Emily, and Elyse all got to know her, even if she did have Alzheimer's, but I wish they could have seen the vibrant woman she was.  She was something, let me tell you.  She was a pistol.  She laughed a lot with me.  She was very funny.  In July, when we went to see Kathy, a bit of her came out because all of a sudden Kathy looked at Mom and asked, "Are you teasing me?"  Mom smiled and nodded.  That was Mom.  She never teased meanly though, never.  She would do gently teasing because she knew that teasing could get out of hand.  She was just so much fun at times.  Yes, there were times when she wasn't, but overall, she was a lot of fun.  I have more pictures of her to scan and post.  I can't wait to do them.  I know we have more, I just have to find them.

Lily is possibly coming next weekend to decorate the house.  I am not sure exactly what we are going to do, but I know we aren't doing the outside, because I don't have the lights and I don't have the money for the electricity either so no outside lighting this year.  Perhaps another year I will, but this year is a minimum year due to the mourning I am in.  I don't wish to make mourning an excuse for anything, but I am not sure I am ready for over the top decorating I like to do.  We shall see.

I had 4 lessons today.  It was great.  I have the appointment for the lawyer on Wednesday at 11 am.  Julie, like I have said, will be coming with me.  I am excited to be so close to finishing up this.  I really am.  It has been a long 2 1/2 years that I have been working on this.  I need this to be so over so that I can move on from it.

Tomorrow is the phone interview with the other studio.  I do hope to impress them and do well.  I really need new students in order to pay my bills.  Yes, I know I have to trust that God will provide and show me the way, but so far, I think this is it.  The first parts went so smoothly so I am hopeful.  If it doesn't work out, we shall see what else is out there.

I hope your day is going well.  I am sad today.  I was fine while people are here, but I am sad when they all go home.  I am still getting used to being on my own.  It will get easier I am sure, it is just hard right now, it has only been 6 weeks.  I wonder how the boys are doing with this?

1 comment:

  1. Heather Sweetie I am so so sorry each time I read how much you miss your mom. Since mine died in May, I still think of things and then go to call her. I still cry. You will too, but it does get better. We never outgrow them, and we never forget them. Bless your heart.