Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Wednesday 6-26

I have been doing a lot of thinking about people in my life and those that are more toxic than others.  I have been working on trying to lessen my exposure to the toxic people but for a couple of people I have been failing miserably on.  Not anymore.  After listening to a few hours of constant putting me down and my friends, I am done.  I will not tolerate it anymore.  Seriously, you do not have to like my friends, this is true, however, they are my friends and I like them.  This person does not know them.  They have only met them a few times and basically have been down on them since day one.  I think it is because of pure jealousy.  If the biopsy is cancer, then I will do what I need to do.  If it is not, then I will breathe a sigh of relief and continue on.  Either way, I will still need a house to live in.  According to Tilley, if it is cancer, I cannot live in my house.  I don't get it either.  I did finally ask her flat out where she thought I should live and she didn't have an answer.  Well, I plan to live in my house.  I do need a place to live and to teach.  As for who will take care of me.  I will cross that bridge when it comes and I have had several friends say that they would help me so I think I will be covered.  I don't wish to be a burden, but on the other hand, I do not have family members who can easily help me.  Andrew is in London, Ontario and cannot come over here and Richard is in Seattle and not speaking to me so that leaves them both out.  Fortunately, I have good friends.  I live with good friends now.  We will work on this together if in fact it is cancer.  I am anxious for an answer, only because I want to know what to do next if it is.  I will see my doctor in a few days so I will know one way or the other.

The biopsy itself was not bad like I expected.  I was so nervous because I have never had anything like it before but it was pretty much pain free except for a few little pinch-like feeling for the numbing stuff. I had to lay on my side for over an hour and not move and I did it!  That was my biggest concern that I wouldn't be able to do that with the pain issues I have but I did.  They gave me some pain medicine and some other medicine to help relax me.  Together they really helped a lot.  I had to "participate", which is why they couldn't knock me out like I had hoped but since it didn't really hurt, hey, it was no problem.  I had to hold my breath a lot, small breaths though so the kidney wouldn't move too far from where the needle was at.  It took a long time but it didn't seem like a long time.

It has been a decent day.  I had Elli and Allison for lessons.  Elli is such a sweetheart.  She is working really hard on piano.  Allison is a singer.  We started something completely different for her.  We are now working on "The Lord's Prayer".  We rarely do English classical music as usually we do just Italian but we added and English one in addition to the Italian.

The other night, I as re-reading some old journal entries on my live journal.  Wow, they were all about mom.  I wrote an awful lot about her.  I sure miss her a lot.  I suspect I always will.

Pain level isn't too bad tonight.  Even the biopsy area isn't too bad.  I only have the regular headache tonight whereas earlier it was a bit more than regular.

Well, onto playing words with friends and then reading.  I do hope you are having a good night too!

1 comment:

  1. still holding you close and with seriously good thoughts for the best outcome. with that said, you are welcome here, anytime, anyplace, anyhow...I know you in my heart and I would do anything for you dear Heather.
    Also, I have some very toxic people in my life and when I finally decided to step away from the situations I began feeling much better, healthier, and nicer to myself. It was a very difficult thing to do as these people are the ones left on earth that I have known the longest but it is well past time to do this for me...and you shoud do the same. love you.