It has been an extremely quiet day. Megan slept through her planned lesson so no lessons today. She is coming tomorrow instead. Maisy and I have had the house to ourselves today. Everyone was out until Bill and Acer came home a bit ago. Heather BT and Calli will be home in a while. I have enjoyed the quiet. I have talked quite a bit with my cousin, Danielle on face book. She is about 23 or so now. Somewhere around there. We have jumped from topic to topic, that is for sure. Danielle has 2 children, Elizabeth and Myles. They are really sweet kids. Elizabeth is in first grade and Myles is 2.
I have to copy some music tomorrow for Brooke Ann and Cara. I also have to burn copies of the CD too. It won't take long. It never does. I just checked my filing cabinet and it turns out I do have 2 copies of that sheet music! I don't have to copy the music, just the CD! Whoo hoo!
I have also had to realize that at this point, I cannot look for my own dog. I don't have the money right now because I need to get new glasses and contacts. I haven't done that yet and it IS a necessity not a luxury. I have to take care of my eyes or I am in deep doodoo. So, this puts off another search for the perfect pet for me. I am glad that Heather BT shares Maisy with me. I enjoyed my day with her. Such a sweet little girl she is today. I love that dog so much and they know that.
I have the date for the spring concert, my birthday event, and the master class for singers. I am excited about these events happening. The Spring is after Easter so we have plenty of time for students to get ready for it. My birthday celebration is set and LaKedria is coming to do a vocal master class that I am very excited about. We have a very busy couple of months ahead of us! I don't mind! Not one bit!
Spring is here but it is only 27 degrees outside today so not springlike weather. It will come soon. It has too. We can't have winter all year around, that is just impossible. I just liked the 45 degree weather we had last week one day. I didn't wear my winter coat, just my hoodie one. Oh well, not much I can do about the weather.
I am a bit tired now as I got up a bit earlier than normal for Megan's lesson. I will go to bed a bit early and that will be okay. My legs are still rather sore. I don't get it. I don't know why they are so sore but they are. Maisy was on my bed this morning after I fed her because no one else was home. She does this when Heather BT or Bill are gone. She comes straight to my room. I don't mind one bit. Maisy was lying right next to me on top of the blanket while I was underneath the blanket. She was leaning up against me. She is such a sweet critter. I could hear her snore too but since I snore also, I say nothing about it. We probably sound rather funny together.
Not much planned for the evening. Just a quiet night reading before bed and having a drink of tea. My stomach has been upset at night a lot lately. I really don't know why. I have been taking Dramamine and also mylanta. Sometimes, I have had to take both. It is just so annoying the amount of medicine I have to take. One thing for this, another one for this, 2 for this, and on and on. I look forward to the day where I don't have to take so much. I am thankful that I can take the medicine, please don't get me wrong. It is just that I take 13 in the morning and 12 in the evening. It is a lot. There is just so much that is wrong with me, not just fibro. That is actually a small part of what is wrong.
Well, I think I am going to go and talk to my cousin some more before dinner.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
hmmmmmmmm 3-21
It has been an exhausting week with bad headaches thrown in for good measure. It is officially spring and the snow is finally melting! We actually have grass again!!! I knew it was there somewhere! I am looking forward to the warmer weather. Today it is sunny out and around 40ish degrees, which is a far cry for the 18 degrees I was used to.
I got such a beautiful surprise early birthday present! Star bought me the movie Frozen!!!! I was moaning on Tuesday (the day the movie came out) that I could not buy the movie until Friday as I would not have the money until then. Well, Wednesday we went to tea and she surprised me with it! I was so excited that I was bouncing in my chair. I immediately texted Kathy, my best friend, and my housemate, Heather BT, that is how excited I was. They both texted back, Awesome. I was just so excited. This was the best thing ever. So this weekend, I am going to watch Frozen. I am not sure if the kids will be watching it with me or not, but I am watching it. I love this movie.
I have been having trouble with my legs, particularly with my right leg for a bit now. I am not sure why, I just am especially at night. I thought it was a nerve but it isn't. It isn't the side of my thigh were that nerve is, it is the shin area. Very strange to me. Very strange. My left leg isn't so bad, just the right leg. My legs and feet have been extra cold these past few days despite the warm up. At night, I have several extra blankets at the foot of my bed to combat this issue while sleeping. It seems to help a lot, thankfully. My right calf also seems to hurt an awful lot too, especially if it is touched. I wonder about blood clots since I have a blood disorder that can cause them even if I am on coumadin. But I am working on keeping them nice and toasty warm so that is all I can do.
I had my two little boys today for their lessons. Ryan and Nick. They are so sweet. Nick is 4 almost 5 and Ryan is 6 almost 7. Both boys are doing quite well. Nick is about to learn some notes on the staff while Ryan is learning to move his hands up and down the keyboard. They are the cutest boys. All my students are awesome. I asked Nick if he wanted to be in the concert and he said yes so he will be in his first concert this time. I am really glad he wants to be. His song will be short, but as he is small, that is okay. Nick will be one of the first students in the concert so that is okay. Ryan will be near the beginning too as he is small also. It is hard to believe, but my used-to-be little ones are now my middle ones. They no longer need to be in the front but in the middle of the concert. It is quite an experience watching them grow so fast and fast they do grow let me tell you. I may only see some of them once a week but they grow fast.
I am going to rest and read this evening after dinner and doing dishes. I may go up to bed earlier than usual. I do need to go to the store sometime this weekend for a few basic things, bagels, peanut butter, and a few other things but I decided I wasn't going to go tonight after all. I am too tired and I really don't want to. I know that sounds lazy, but I don't mean it to be. I am just that tired. I have one more lesson, dinner, dishes, and then reading before bed. I do get up earlier on Saturday than during the week except for every other Monday because I have a lesson at noon. I don't mind as it is only on Saturdays and I can do this. If necessary, I can take a nap after my lessons and often I do. I really like my Saturday at 12 noon student, Ally, she is a good clarinetist. We just started on high notes. Her face was so cute when she realized she wasn't actually squeaking but playing real notes. I am looking forward to tomorrows lesson to see how she is doing with them.
I have been procrastinating about starting the book club book not because I don't want to read the book, I do, but because I have a terrible memory these days so I am going to read the book closer to book club. This way, I will remember the book much better. I am reading a really good book that flips back and forth between the Esther in the Bible and modern times. It is so good. This is actually the sequel and I love it. I love to read even if I can remember books like I used to. I used to remember books so well but now, with fibro fog, it isn't so easy to remember what I have read after a few weeks. I may remember I have read it, but not what I read. That was why I ended up reading the 50 shades books 2 times. I forgot that I didn't particularly like them. They were okay, nothing like the hype of them. Definitely not something I would recommend or want to read again. Now the Anne of Green Gable books? Wow, those are simply awesome and I would definitely recommend those to anyone over the age of 11 since some of the wording is difficult to understand. There are new words for young ones to read but that is okay. You can always learn new words.
Emily will be here in about 5 or so minutes. She is such a nice little girl. I really like her. Then again, I don't have a student I don't really like. They are all good kids with something that makes each of them stand out. Emily is really coming along well with her piano playing. I am quite pleased with it. It seems that somehow during the Christmas season music she and 2 of my other students, Mary and Dan, really got their notes down pat. I don't know how or why but something clicked and they now read notes pretty easily. It is really nice to see the growth that they have made since reading notes was something that they had struggled with so much. Now it is not a struggle for them and they seemed to be enjoying playing more. I like to see that happen.
Yesterday, my friend, Candy, did my hair. She is getting back into hairdressing. Candy washed, dried, and curled my hair and I liked the way it looked. I have some cards from her and some coupons to pass out if anyone asks me about where to get hair done. I will share some of the things that she posts about her salon on my face book page to help her get some regular clientele. I hope it builds rapidly for her. Sometimes, I still have issues washing my hair because my left arm does not like to stay up that long but lately that hasn't been an issue, thankfully! I can even dry it right away, which is something I couldn't do either. The frozen shoulder seems to be unfreezing a bit or at least enough where it allows me to do what I need to do.
Well, dinner is over, kitchen is clean, dishes are in the dishwasher washing, the stove is clean, and I am ready for sleep already and it is only about 7 pm. Nighty night!
I got such a beautiful surprise early birthday present! Star bought me the movie Frozen!!!! I was moaning on Tuesday (the day the movie came out) that I could not buy the movie until Friday as I would not have the money until then. Well, Wednesday we went to tea and she surprised me with it! I was so excited that I was bouncing in my chair. I immediately texted Kathy, my best friend, and my housemate, Heather BT, that is how excited I was. They both texted back, Awesome. I was just so excited. This was the best thing ever. So this weekend, I am going to watch Frozen. I am not sure if the kids will be watching it with me or not, but I am watching it. I love this movie.
I have been having trouble with my legs, particularly with my right leg for a bit now. I am not sure why, I just am especially at night. I thought it was a nerve but it isn't. It isn't the side of my thigh were that nerve is, it is the shin area. Very strange to me. Very strange. My left leg isn't so bad, just the right leg. My legs and feet have been extra cold these past few days despite the warm up. At night, I have several extra blankets at the foot of my bed to combat this issue while sleeping. It seems to help a lot, thankfully. My right calf also seems to hurt an awful lot too, especially if it is touched. I wonder about blood clots since I have a blood disorder that can cause them even if I am on coumadin. But I am working on keeping them nice and toasty warm so that is all I can do.
I had my two little boys today for their lessons. Ryan and Nick. They are so sweet. Nick is 4 almost 5 and Ryan is 6 almost 7. Both boys are doing quite well. Nick is about to learn some notes on the staff while Ryan is learning to move his hands up and down the keyboard. They are the cutest boys. All my students are awesome. I asked Nick if he wanted to be in the concert and he said yes so he will be in his first concert this time. I am really glad he wants to be. His song will be short, but as he is small, that is okay. Nick will be one of the first students in the concert so that is okay. Ryan will be near the beginning too as he is small also. It is hard to believe, but my used-to-be little ones are now my middle ones. They no longer need to be in the front but in the middle of the concert. It is quite an experience watching them grow so fast and fast they do grow let me tell you. I may only see some of them once a week but they grow fast.
I am going to rest and read this evening after dinner and doing dishes. I may go up to bed earlier than usual. I do need to go to the store sometime this weekend for a few basic things, bagels, peanut butter, and a few other things but I decided I wasn't going to go tonight after all. I am too tired and I really don't want to. I know that sounds lazy, but I don't mean it to be. I am just that tired. I have one more lesson, dinner, dishes, and then reading before bed. I do get up earlier on Saturday than during the week except for every other Monday because I have a lesson at noon. I don't mind as it is only on Saturdays and I can do this. If necessary, I can take a nap after my lessons and often I do. I really like my Saturday at 12 noon student, Ally, she is a good clarinetist. We just started on high notes. Her face was so cute when she realized she wasn't actually squeaking but playing real notes. I am looking forward to tomorrows lesson to see how she is doing with them.
I have been procrastinating about starting the book club book not because I don't want to read the book, I do, but because I have a terrible memory these days so I am going to read the book closer to book club. This way, I will remember the book much better. I am reading a really good book that flips back and forth between the Esther in the Bible and modern times. It is so good. This is actually the sequel and I love it. I love to read even if I can remember books like I used to. I used to remember books so well but now, with fibro fog, it isn't so easy to remember what I have read after a few weeks. I may remember I have read it, but not what I read. That was why I ended up reading the 50 shades books 2 times. I forgot that I didn't particularly like them. They were okay, nothing like the hype of them. Definitely not something I would recommend or want to read again. Now the Anne of Green Gable books? Wow, those are simply awesome and I would definitely recommend those to anyone over the age of 11 since some of the wording is difficult to understand. There are new words for young ones to read but that is okay. You can always learn new words.
Emily will be here in about 5 or so minutes. She is such a nice little girl. I really like her. Then again, I don't have a student I don't really like. They are all good kids with something that makes each of them stand out. Emily is really coming along well with her piano playing. I am quite pleased with it. It seems that somehow during the Christmas season music she and 2 of my other students, Mary and Dan, really got their notes down pat. I don't know how or why but something clicked and they now read notes pretty easily. It is really nice to see the growth that they have made since reading notes was something that they had struggled with so much. Now it is not a struggle for them and they seemed to be enjoying playing more. I like to see that happen.
Yesterday, my friend, Candy, did my hair. She is getting back into hairdressing. Candy washed, dried, and curled my hair and I liked the way it looked. I have some cards from her and some coupons to pass out if anyone asks me about where to get hair done. I will share some of the things that she posts about her salon on my face book page to help her get some regular clientele. I hope it builds rapidly for her. Sometimes, I still have issues washing my hair because my left arm does not like to stay up that long but lately that hasn't been an issue, thankfully! I can even dry it right away, which is something I couldn't do either. The frozen shoulder seems to be unfreezing a bit or at least enough where it allows me to do what I need to do.
Well, dinner is over, kitchen is clean, dishes are in the dishwasher washing, the stove is clean, and I am ready for sleep already and it is only about 7 pm. Nighty night!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
A not so good pain day 3-18
I have a terrible headache and my legs are aching horribly. I have taken my pain pills and Advil, of which I am not supposed to take but at times, I have no choice. Today would be one of those days. Maisy is right next to me for now. She divides up her time between me and Heather BT. Now she is barking at the door for some reason. Maisy is now back downstairs with Heather BT. I think it is sweet how she "checks up" on the both of us. It is almost as if she can sense when we aren't feeling too well and today, neither of us are feeling too well. Heather BT has a bad headache too today. She gets very bad migraines. I was wrong. Maisy is in the hallway between us since I am in the living room on the main floor and the other Heather is in the family room on the bottom floor. Such a goofy and beautiful dog she is. She was getting lots of love from me last night. She kept coming into my room when I was reading. I went up early because I just had one of those, I need to hide from the world days. I don't know why I get them, I just do.
Anyways, it was a beautiful weekend. Heather BT had a friend stop by after my lessons were over. We chatted up a storm and then went out to dinner. The men in the house had gone to see "Stomp" so it left us women alone. It was wonderful. We had a good time, all of us. It also left great leftovers, which I had for lunch yesterday. Sunday, we celebrated Calli's birthday. She is now 14. Her actual birthday was yesterday, St. Patrick's Day, but we celebrated it on Sunday. She had a good time. There was a party with friends and her grandmother also came. Her uncle and his fiance came for a short time. Over all, we all enjoyed lovely cake and ice cream as well as brownies. Calli received nice gifts that she loved. I got her the 3rd Anne of Green Gables movie as she is as big of a fan as I am. We love our Anne of Green Gables, she and I. It is nice to have something like that in common. One of our friends, Tasha (age 11) asked me before hand if I got her something from Anne of Green Gables, I had to say yes. Tasha said, I thought so and smiled. Even Tasha knows how much we love Anne of Green Gables. Tasha and family bought Calli and beautiful pair of sandals. They look so cute on her little feet. All in all, I would have to say it was the best weekend in a long time for me. It was very low on the anxiety and the pain, unlike today.
Today, I only have 2 lessons of which I am thankful. My other two have rescheduled for tomorrow so that is good. It is a reschedule NOT a cancellation. Their mom is not available to bring them this evening so they are coming tomorrow instead. I have Allison in about 10 minutes and Julia at 6 pm so I have an hour of rest in between my lessons. I may sit in my chair and take a small nap. I don't know. I will see how it goes after the lesson. I am also very cold in my hands, feet, and nose today. I know earlier I had gone out without a coat (I know, not the brightest thing to do) but it didn't seem so cold then but I haven't been warm since so basically, that was a very dumb idea. One that I will not be repeating in the future. I shall wait until it is in the 70s before I go without a jacket. I do have a hoodie on but that is not a coat and it is only 43 degrees out, which is much better than the less than 20 degrees we have had for the last month or so or the below zero we have had for most of December and January. It has been the coldest winter so far in many, many years. According to the weathermen, we have had more days of below zero temperatures since the 1950s. I didn't realize we have had that many days. I know the kids have had 10 snow days and some were due to the bitter cold, not the snow. For many weeks the average temp was around 10 or lower. Anyways, enough complaining about the weather, spring is coming soon.
I got my hearing aids back yesterday. I had wondered before they went to get fixed how they were working or how they were helping. Well, let me tell you!!! They do make a HUGE difference!!!! When they were being fixed for 2 weeks it was agony in the hearing department. It was awful. I am still having trouble understanding words or people at times but I will let the doctor know to see if it can be adjusted at that time again. Over all, I am pleased to have learned that they do indeed work and help me hear. It was awful for the 2 weeks without them. I found myself living in my own world more when I couldn't hear and had to force myself to pay attention to others around me. I didn't realize until those 2 weeks that I tend to live in my own world more when I can't hear as well. It was a revelation to me. Now I am back into the world around me, paying attention to everything, or so I hope I am.
I hope tomorrow is a better pain day.
Anyways, it was a beautiful weekend. Heather BT had a friend stop by after my lessons were over. We chatted up a storm and then went out to dinner. The men in the house had gone to see "Stomp" so it left us women alone. It was wonderful. We had a good time, all of us. It also left great leftovers, which I had for lunch yesterday. Sunday, we celebrated Calli's birthday. She is now 14. Her actual birthday was yesterday, St. Patrick's Day, but we celebrated it on Sunday. She had a good time. There was a party with friends and her grandmother also came. Her uncle and his fiance came for a short time. Over all, we all enjoyed lovely cake and ice cream as well as brownies. Calli received nice gifts that she loved. I got her the 3rd Anne of Green Gables movie as she is as big of a fan as I am. We love our Anne of Green Gables, she and I. It is nice to have something like that in common. One of our friends, Tasha (age 11) asked me before hand if I got her something from Anne of Green Gables, I had to say yes. Tasha said, I thought so and smiled. Even Tasha knows how much we love Anne of Green Gables. Tasha and family bought Calli and beautiful pair of sandals. They look so cute on her little feet. All in all, I would have to say it was the best weekend in a long time for me. It was very low on the anxiety and the pain, unlike today.
Today, I only have 2 lessons of which I am thankful. My other two have rescheduled for tomorrow so that is good. It is a reschedule NOT a cancellation. Their mom is not available to bring them this evening so they are coming tomorrow instead. I have Allison in about 10 minutes and Julia at 6 pm so I have an hour of rest in between my lessons. I may sit in my chair and take a small nap. I don't know. I will see how it goes after the lesson. I am also very cold in my hands, feet, and nose today. I know earlier I had gone out without a coat (I know, not the brightest thing to do) but it didn't seem so cold then but I haven't been warm since so basically, that was a very dumb idea. One that I will not be repeating in the future. I shall wait until it is in the 70s before I go without a jacket. I do have a hoodie on but that is not a coat and it is only 43 degrees out, which is much better than the less than 20 degrees we have had for the last month or so or the below zero we have had for most of December and January. It has been the coldest winter so far in many, many years. According to the weathermen, we have had more days of below zero temperatures since the 1950s. I didn't realize we have had that many days. I know the kids have had 10 snow days and some were due to the bitter cold, not the snow. For many weeks the average temp was around 10 or lower. Anyways, enough complaining about the weather, spring is coming soon.
I got my hearing aids back yesterday. I had wondered before they went to get fixed how they were working or how they were helping. Well, let me tell you!!! They do make a HUGE difference!!!! When they were being fixed for 2 weeks it was agony in the hearing department. It was awful. I am still having trouble understanding words or people at times but I will let the doctor know to see if it can be adjusted at that time again. Over all, I am pleased to have learned that they do indeed work and help me hear. It was awful for the 2 weeks without them. I found myself living in my own world more when I couldn't hear and had to force myself to pay attention to others around me. I didn't realize until those 2 weeks that I tend to live in my own world more when I can't hear as well. It was a revelation to me. Now I am back into the world around me, paying attention to everything, or so I hope I am.
I hope tomorrow is a better pain day.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
It has been over a year
What a difference a year can make. Last year at this time, things were very different for me. I was still grieving very heavily. I cried daily, I so wanted my mother all the time. I still miss her all the time, don't get me wrong, I just feel that I am not in the depths of despair like I was last year and the 2 years before that since my mother died. I didn't truly care too much about how my hair looked outside of the ponytail being neat and tidy. As long as I had clean clothes on, that was all that mattered. It didn't matter if they were cute or looked nice. They just needed to be clean. I weighed 44 more pounds than I do now because of my eating habits. My sleep habits haven't changed. I still wake up at all hours of the night and have to get up and walk from the pain. I wasn't as fiscally responsible as I am not. I just didn't care outside of teaching. I didn't care if I lived or died unless I was teaching or with friends. I just didn't. I desperately wanted to be with my mother. It was that bad. My anxiety was through the roof.
Now, I care what I look like. I can fit into my really cute clothes and that makes me smile. I can smile through out the day even when I am not teaching. I am working on getting the excess weight off. I eat better, smaller portions. I care about the side effects of the medicine I take. I will no longer take the medicine that has side effects of gaining weight. I just won't. I don't care what it may help with because in the long run, I cannot afford to gain anymore weight. That will cause more issues than I already have. I still miss my mother daily, all day long but it isn't the I want to die to be with my mother that it was. I enjoy being with friends when we do things. I have a few more students than I did although I don't have many because I have to be within my limits of what I can do. I am more accepting of my limits. I am happier again. Something I thought I would never be again. I truly thought I would never be happy without my momma. She was my best friend and I loved taking care of her. That was my goal in life to make her life good when she needed help and I did. That she was taken way too soon is a whole other matter. Do I still feel bitter at times that she died too young? Yes, I do. Am I still jealous of my friends and family who have their moms who are older than mine was, yes. I probably always will. It is because I miss mine so terribly. We did everything together. Yes, I clung to her probably too much. Maybe I was too close to her, but it doesn't matter now, she and I are apart at this point and someday we won't be ever again. That day I look forward to, but I don't want to die anymore like I did up until sometime this year. Sometime, during this year, it changed. I began to enjoy life again. Was it the advent of Maisy? The advent of Heather BT, Calli, Acer, and Bill? Or a combination? I would say all. Heather BT really made me exam myself and decide what did I want to do. How did I want to live. For that I am very grateful and always will be. My house because a home and not a tomb thanks to 4 people and 2 dogs. I have learned how to love a dog. I now know I will never be without a dog if I can help it. I am thankful Heather BT shares her dog with me. Maisy is a good fur friend. The kids bring me joy like my students do. I love listening to them and my students tell me how their day or week went. I enjoy teaching even more than I used to. I do think that having students saved me after momma died. If it wasn't for them, I would have probably died of grief. I lived for teaching. I came alive for teaching and now I am alive in general. I feel things again after several years of not having any feelings. I can actually feel anger, hurt, happy, joy, and a multitude of emotions that I couldn't feel after momma died. The first time I felt anger and hurt was in December. We had an issue, it was resolved but I felt something. That was incredible to me. Before there was really no emotions in me at all. All I felt was pain, both physical and emotional. Those were the only things I could actually feel. I couldn't feel anything else. Grief took place of everything. I just wanted to succumb to my grief. Now, I don't. Do I still feel grief? Yes, I will grieve for my mother until the day I join her in Heaven. There will be bad days too. I know that. Her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. The anniversary of her passing is in October. My birthday is in April. Mother's Day is in May. Maybe I will be able to be more celebratory towards those days and maybe I won't. I don't know. I am not there yet. Time will tell. Maybe next year I will be at a whole new level of emotions. I don't know. Right now, I have baby step ones and that is good. I am happy or content may be a better word for the most part. I love the students I have right now. I love living in my childhood house. I like my housemates and fur friends. It is all good right now. Who knows what next year will bring. All I know is that I can at least look forward to it now unlike last year when I couldn't.
Now, I care what I look like. I can fit into my really cute clothes and that makes me smile. I can smile through out the day even when I am not teaching. I am working on getting the excess weight off. I eat better, smaller portions. I care about the side effects of the medicine I take. I will no longer take the medicine that has side effects of gaining weight. I just won't. I don't care what it may help with because in the long run, I cannot afford to gain anymore weight. That will cause more issues than I already have. I still miss my mother daily, all day long but it isn't the I want to die to be with my mother that it was. I enjoy being with friends when we do things. I have a few more students than I did although I don't have many because I have to be within my limits of what I can do. I am more accepting of my limits. I am happier again. Something I thought I would never be again. I truly thought I would never be happy without my momma. She was my best friend and I loved taking care of her. That was my goal in life to make her life good when she needed help and I did. That she was taken way too soon is a whole other matter. Do I still feel bitter at times that she died too young? Yes, I do. Am I still jealous of my friends and family who have their moms who are older than mine was, yes. I probably always will. It is because I miss mine so terribly. We did everything together. Yes, I clung to her probably too much. Maybe I was too close to her, but it doesn't matter now, she and I are apart at this point and someday we won't be ever again. That day I look forward to, but I don't want to die anymore like I did up until sometime this year. Sometime, during this year, it changed. I began to enjoy life again. Was it the advent of Maisy? The advent of Heather BT, Calli, Acer, and Bill? Or a combination? I would say all. Heather BT really made me exam myself and decide what did I want to do. How did I want to live. For that I am very grateful and always will be. My house because a home and not a tomb thanks to 4 people and 2 dogs. I have learned how to love a dog. I now know I will never be without a dog if I can help it. I am thankful Heather BT shares her dog with me. Maisy is a good fur friend. The kids bring me joy like my students do. I love listening to them and my students tell me how their day or week went. I enjoy teaching even more than I used to. I do think that having students saved me after momma died. If it wasn't for them, I would have probably died of grief. I lived for teaching. I came alive for teaching and now I am alive in general. I feel things again after several years of not having any feelings. I can actually feel anger, hurt, happy, joy, and a multitude of emotions that I couldn't feel after momma died. The first time I felt anger and hurt was in December. We had an issue, it was resolved but I felt something. That was incredible to me. Before there was really no emotions in me at all. All I felt was pain, both physical and emotional. Those were the only things I could actually feel. I couldn't feel anything else. Grief took place of everything. I just wanted to succumb to my grief. Now, I don't. Do I still feel grief? Yes, I will grieve for my mother until the day I join her in Heaven. There will be bad days too. I know that. Her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. The anniversary of her passing is in October. My birthday is in April. Mother's Day is in May. Maybe I will be able to be more celebratory towards those days and maybe I won't. I don't know. I am not there yet. Time will tell. Maybe next year I will be at a whole new level of emotions. I don't know. Right now, I have baby step ones and that is good. I am happy or content may be a better word for the most part. I love the students I have right now. I love living in my childhood house. I like my housemates and fur friends. It is all good right now. Who knows what next year will bring. All I know is that I can at least look forward to it now unlike last year when I couldn't.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
A possible furry friend for me!!!!
The time has come, for me anyway, to have my own fur baby. I am worried how Maisy will take this new fur baby, as I love her so much, but hey, I have more than enough love in my heart for them both. I have seen a fur baby on Petfinders that is near us and I plan to go and check it out tonight with Heather BT. She has also seen a pet at the local Humane Society. I just called the Humane Society and the little guy was adopted. I shall keep a lookout for some more. I had a dream last night that I had 2 dogs on my bed at night. Maisy and another although the other was nameless and faceless. I have a few people to contact to ask about where I may find dogs similar to theirs. Jessie has a small dog and I want a small dog.
Well, enough about the small critters! It will happen in good time. I mean, with the experience I have had with Maisy, I think I am ready to learn more.
I had to take my hearing aids in today. Apparently, there are some wires that have come loose inside so they are not working really well at all, which means I am back into the deaf world again or at least a hearing loss world. I have about 30% to 40% depending on the frequency, hearing loss. I am thankful that I only have that much as I damaged my ears when I was a child. You see, I didn't want to get in trouble for not wearing a hat, so I didn't tell Momma about my ears hurting. Well, I had ear infections and they were blocked for about 8 months. Yup, I am lucky I got any hearing back after that experience. Believe me, I never did that again. of course, I had permanently damaged my ears at that point but I did learn my lesson.
Anyways, today has been a pretty good day for me despite the bad headache I have had all day. I have had it for a couple of days now. I never really know what it is from so I just chalk it to the Fibro. I mean, what else can it be? I have had so many tests that have come back normal so that is why I think the headaches are just fibro related. My legs have been sore lately, especially the right one at night. I know it isn't just that sciatica or however you spell it nerve, it is the entire leg. I often have to get up and walk to and from the bathroom to get it to stop hurting. Well, last night, the left leg started. ugh. It never ends at times. However, I am determined that this will NOT get me down! Fibro will not win. I will. Because really, I could be in worse shape than I am in. I really could. Yes, I have limitations, yes, I have pain that never ends, yes, I have lots and lots of anxiety, but over all, I could be worse so I am thankful that I am not. That is just how it is. I try to live within my limitations, sometimes I succeed and well, others I don't. Today is a day that I did.
My next students should be here shortly.
Well, enough about the small critters! It will happen in good time. I mean, with the experience I have had with Maisy, I think I am ready to learn more.
I had to take my hearing aids in today. Apparently, there are some wires that have come loose inside so they are not working really well at all, which means I am back into the deaf world again or at least a hearing loss world. I have about 30% to 40% depending on the frequency, hearing loss. I am thankful that I only have that much as I damaged my ears when I was a child. You see, I didn't want to get in trouble for not wearing a hat, so I didn't tell Momma about my ears hurting. Well, I had ear infections and they were blocked for about 8 months. Yup, I am lucky I got any hearing back after that experience. Believe me, I never did that again. of course, I had permanently damaged my ears at that point but I did learn my lesson.
Anyways, today has been a pretty good day for me despite the bad headache I have had all day. I have had it for a couple of days now. I never really know what it is from so I just chalk it to the Fibro. I mean, what else can it be? I have had so many tests that have come back normal so that is why I think the headaches are just fibro related. My legs have been sore lately, especially the right one at night. I know it isn't just that sciatica or however you spell it nerve, it is the entire leg. I often have to get up and walk to and from the bathroom to get it to stop hurting. Well, last night, the left leg started. ugh. It never ends at times. However, I am determined that this will NOT get me down! Fibro will not win. I will. Because really, I could be in worse shape than I am in. I really could. Yes, I have limitations, yes, I have pain that never ends, yes, I have lots and lots of anxiety, but over all, I could be worse so I am thankful that I am not. That is just how it is. I try to live within my limitations, sometimes I succeed and well, others I don't. Today is a day that I did.
My next students should be here shortly.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lent already
I love the lent season and how people start remembering other people again just like during the advent season. I just wish it went on all year round and not 2 times a year. I love the Easter Season a lot, although I will confess that Christmas is my favorite. I also get to see Kathy again on Easter Sunday so that is also another awesome thing. I only get to physically see her a few times a year as she lives 2 1/2 hours or so away from me. Someday, we will live next door to each other again, even if it is in Heaven and many, many years from now.
It has been a rather quiet day today. I have 2 lessons only since Mary and Dan are having their tomorrow since their mom is still out of town today. They are such good kids. They really are. Since Christmas, they have both been just improving by leaps and bounds. it was as if playing Christmas music somehow locked the notes into their brains and now they can read the notes like they have been reading forever. It is beautiful. They both play very well. I have hopes of them playing duets soon too. Dan is very happy playing the Star Wars theme while Mary is playing a fun song too. She chose the Mission Impossible theme song. They both still have their classical music to play too, but I like to add other pieces in to make it more interesting and now since they have both gotten their notes down pat, the sky is the limit. I am quite pleased with them. Julia will have her lesson tonight. She was out of town last week and absent the week before because of work. She is a relatively new student but we are having fun with lessons and she plays very well. I really like her.
My hearing aids are not working. They start to work for about 30 or so minutes and then they stop. I have called the ear doctor and they will call me back tomorrow. I am not sure if I just drop them off or if I have to have an appointment. Now that I am used to them, it is weird to go back to not hearing. I am sure that once it is fixed, I will get used to them again. I just am bummed that they are not working. I wasted a lot of batteries the other day thinking it was the batteries that weren't working when in fact, it was the hearing aids. Whoops! I will buy more when needed. I still have a lot left so that is good. It is just weird to go back to the quiet world again after hearing so much more the last few months. I find I have to turn the music up when the students sing to the CDs again and I don't like that. I am glad that they worked during competition. That would have been a nightmare! But, alas, they did and so it was good. Sometimes, I think I worry more at times, about things that might happen as oppose to things that did or do happen. Anxiety! What a crazy thing to have. So anyway, I am just waiting for the office to call me back to see what I need to do.
My lessons are over for the day so I can relax now. I am glad that I mentioned book club in passing to Julia, my last student. She is an adult piano student and she plays very well. She is working on a piano solo version of "El Shaddai" and also is playing a sonatina by Clementi, my favorite composer. I am so glad that she is interested! This is great!
Maisy has been a barking girl today. She barks a lot in general, but I still love her soooo much. I am open to the thought of having my own dog, although I do love Maisy and that won't change. I will just have 2 dogs to adore instead of one. Heather BT found one on petfinder, but she doesn't do well with children so I can't get her. Oh well, there is one out there for me. I know. Until then I will just love all my love on Maisy. Speaking of Maisy, she was so cute on Saturday during Ally's lesson. She was sitting on the chair in the living room. She had one paw on the arm rest and was looking like she was chilling. It was so adorable!!!!! I had to take a picture of her sitting like that. I need to post it on face book. I love taking pictures of Maisy. I have many. I think I took about 30 of them last month. She does need to have her picture taken a lot because she does such funny things and I must take pictures of them.
We had pizza for dinner and it is a new place. It was really good. We are thinking that we have finally found a new pizza place. We had a place and then it went out of business. We were very sad to see it go out of business too.
My headache isn't so bad today as it was yesterday. I did break down and go and get a pop because I had to. The withdrawals from caffeine are doing me in on top of the already bad headaches I get. My thumb has been hurting too for some strange reason. I don't get it but hey, with fibro, anything can and will happen. I just try really hard not to let it get me down. I won't let it win!
Well, time to go and have some tea and read before bed. I like to read for about an hour or so before I go to bed. It is a good way to de-anxious the day plus sometimes Maisy comes in the room with me and that is fun too.
It has been a rather quiet day today. I have 2 lessons only since Mary and Dan are having their tomorrow since their mom is still out of town today. They are such good kids. They really are. Since Christmas, they have both been just improving by leaps and bounds. it was as if playing Christmas music somehow locked the notes into their brains and now they can read the notes like they have been reading forever. It is beautiful. They both play very well. I have hopes of them playing duets soon too. Dan is very happy playing the Star Wars theme while Mary is playing a fun song too. She chose the Mission Impossible theme song. They both still have their classical music to play too, but I like to add other pieces in to make it more interesting and now since they have both gotten their notes down pat, the sky is the limit. I am quite pleased with them. Julia will have her lesson tonight. She was out of town last week and absent the week before because of work. She is a relatively new student but we are having fun with lessons and she plays very well. I really like her.
My hearing aids are not working. They start to work for about 30 or so minutes and then they stop. I have called the ear doctor and they will call me back tomorrow. I am not sure if I just drop them off or if I have to have an appointment. Now that I am used to them, it is weird to go back to not hearing. I am sure that once it is fixed, I will get used to them again. I just am bummed that they are not working. I wasted a lot of batteries the other day thinking it was the batteries that weren't working when in fact, it was the hearing aids. Whoops! I will buy more when needed. I still have a lot left so that is good. It is just weird to go back to the quiet world again after hearing so much more the last few months. I find I have to turn the music up when the students sing to the CDs again and I don't like that. I am glad that they worked during competition. That would have been a nightmare! But, alas, they did and so it was good. Sometimes, I think I worry more at times, about things that might happen as oppose to things that did or do happen. Anxiety! What a crazy thing to have. So anyway, I am just waiting for the office to call me back to see what I need to do.
My lessons are over for the day so I can relax now. I am glad that I mentioned book club in passing to Julia, my last student. She is an adult piano student and she plays very well. She is working on a piano solo version of "El Shaddai" and also is playing a sonatina by Clementi, my favorite composer. I am so glad that she is interested! This is great!
Maisy has been a barking girl today. She barks a lot in general, but I still love her soooo much. I am open to the thought of having my own dog, although I do love Maisy and that won't change. I will just have 2 dogs to adore instead of one. Heather BT found one on petfinder, but she doesn't do well with children so I can't get her. Oh well, there is one out there for me. I know. Until then I will just love all my love on Maisy. Speaking of Maisy, she was so cute on Saturday during Ally's lesson. She was sitting on the chair in the living room. She had one paw on the arm rest and was looking like she was chilling. It was so adorable!!!!! I had to take a picture of her sitting like that. I need to post it on face book. I love taking pictures of Maisy. I have many. I think I took about 30 of them last month. She does need to have her picture taken a lot because she does such funny things and I must take pictures of them.
We had pizza for dinner and it is a new place. It was really good. We are thinking that we have finally found a new pizza place. We had a place and then it went out of business. We were very sad to see it go out of business too.
My headache isn't so bad today as it was yesterday. I did break down and go and get a pop because I had to. The withdrawals from caffeine are doing me in on top of the already bad headaches I get. My thumb has been hurting too for some strange reason. I don't get it but hey, with fibro, anything can and will happen. I just try really hard not to let it get me down. I won't let it win!
Well, time to go and have some tea and read before bed. I like to read for about an hour or so before I go to bed. It is a good way to de-anxious the day plus sometimes Maisy comes in the room with me and that is fun too.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Another possible storm? Seriously?
I am officially tired of winter. I try to be happy with every season, but this winter, well, I am not. I must confess. I am very tired of winter and snow. I am tired of the 100 plus days of below zero temperature and the snow. Did I mention the snow? Anyways, spring is around the corner so I am a happy camper about that. I am such a spring and fall girl. I really am. The temperatures are a warmer but not too hot like summer and the flowers are coming in spring. So yes, I am dreaming of spring.
Yesterday was a bit of a busy day. I had a couple of lessons and then I had the first meeting of book club. It went very well even if there were only 3 of us. I love the first book. We had such good discussions about it. It was "a dangerous inheritance" by Alison Weir. She is a historian from England and does such great work. It is set in 2 time periods, the first in King Richard III's and the second Elizabeth I's. I highly recommend this book as it is so good.
After book club, I dropped of Star and then headed to Calli's goal ball tournament. I loved watching her play. I really did. She is so good. It is a very interesting game and I enjoyed every minute of it. The roads were not too good when I went home but I knew that because it was snowing when I took Star home and headed to the high school the tournament was at. Calli's team played again this morning and won a game. I let her know how proud I am of her.
Today is a quiet day that I really need. My head hurts pretty bad today and my anxiety is slowing coming down after being up all last weekend. Lots of time with Maisy has helped it go down. She is sitting down next to me on "her" ottoman. I put it there for her to sit on so I won't have to bend over so far to pet her. I know, I know, laziness at its peak but it works for us. She can see out much better from there than she can from the floor and I know she really likes the seat a lot because she sits there even when I am not in the room. Yesterday, she was such a good girl for book club. She really was. She did, however, pee in the house from excitement, but Star and I cleaned it up rather quickly. It happens. Maisy is a little dog after all and she does get excited. Maggie has 2 dogs too so she knows all about them and it didn't bother her one bit. Maisy did bark a bit at Maggie at first but then she stopped. She barked at Star too until Star petted her a lot. Then Maisy stopped. It was like, oh year, I know you, you are my Star. I like you. Star also has a dog. A big border collie named Aztec. He is such a character! He really is. I have only seen Maggie's 2 dogs a couple of times but I remember that they are very cute and a bit bigger than Maisy, who weighs about 18 or so pounds.
Maisy and I went out this afternoon to get a bagel and a drink. She loves car rides. She also knows when we are going to Tim Horton's or rather when we are at Tim Horton's. She gets up near the window waiting for her timbit treat. They give out plain tiny donut holes to the dogs that go through the drive through. Sometimes, not always, Maisy gets one when she isn't even in the car! She waits very politely and then takes the treat and goes and sits in her seat (the passenger seat is hers) to eat it. Maisy loves them a lot. Right now the lovely girl is sleeping next to me.
My hearing aid batteries are not working right now. I tried about 6 pairs before I got some that sort of worked, but now they have died. In a few I will take them out and put them upstairs since there is no point of wearing hearing aids that have batteries that don't work in them. I have to call the doctor's office and get some. I may just pick them up tomorrow at the store when I go and get my bagels for the week. I also need to get some blank CDs too. I think that is all I need. I picked up my magnesium already so I am all set with that. I won't be in the store too long, just a few minutes. Oh, I just remembered, I need some sheet protectors too. I can pick those up tomorrow too.
Painwise, it isn't super bad today except for the headache. My right leg gives me such trouble at night though. It really does. I have to get up and walk sometimes for it to stop hurting so bad for a while. I am not sure why, but I am thankful it isn't both legs, just the right leg. I am really tired today too so I think I am going to take the Maisy girl and go take a nap. I am just really exhausted still from competition last weekend. It takes so long to recover from it. It really does.
I hope your day is going well.
Yesterday was a bit of a busy day. I had a couple of lessons and then I had the first meeting of book club. It went very well even if there were only 3 of us. I love the first book. We had such good discussions about it. It was "a dangerous inheritance" by Alison Weir. She is a historian from England and does such great work. It is set in 2 time periods, the first in King Richard III's and the second Elizabeth I's. I highly recommend this book as it is so good.
After book club, I dropped of Star and then headed to Calli's goal ball tournament. I loved watching her play. I really did. She is so good. It is a very interesting game and I enjoyed every minute of it. The roads were not too good when I went home but I knew that because it was snowing when I took Star home and headed to the high school the tournament was at. Calli's team played again this morning and won a game. I let her know how proud I am of her.
Today is a quiet day that I really need. My head hurts pretty bad today and my anxiety is slowing coming down after being up all last weekend. Lots of time with Maisy has helped it go down. She is sitting down next to me on "her" ottoman. I put it there for her to sit on so I won't have to bend over so far to pet her. I know, I know, laziness at its peak but it works for us. She can see out much better from there than she can from the floor and I know she really likes the seat a lot because she sits there even when I am not in the room. Yesterday, she was such a good girl for book club. She really was. She did, however, pee in the house from excitement, but Star and I cleaned it up rather quickly. It happens. Maisy is a little dog after all and she does get excited. Maggie has 2 dogs too so she knows all about them and it didn't bother her one bit. Maisy did bark a bit at Maggie at first but then she stopped. She barked at Star too until Star petted her a lot. Then Maisy stopped. It was like, oh year, I know you, you are my Star. I like you. Star also has a dog. A big border collie named Aztec. He is such a character! He really is. I have only seen Maggie's 2 dogs a couple of times but I remember that they are very cute and a bit bigger than Maisy, who weighs about 18 or so pounds.
Maisy and I went out this afternoon to get a bagel and a drink. She loves car rides. She also knows when we are going to Tim Horton's or rather when we are at Tim Horton's. She gets up near the window waiting for her timbit treat. They give out plain tiny donut holes to the dogs that go through the drive through. Sometimes, not always, Maisy gets one when she isn't even in the car! She waits very politely and then takes the treat and goes and sits in her seat (the passenger seat is hers) to eat it. Maisy loves them a lot. Right now the lovely girl is sleeping next to me.
My hearing aid batteries are not working right now. I tried about 6 pairs before I got some that sort of worked, but now they have died. In a few I will take them out and put them upstairs since there is no point of wearing hearing aids that have batteries that don't work in them. I have to call the doctor's office and get some. I may just pick them up tomorrow at the store when I go and get my bagels for the week. I also need to get some blank CDs too. I think that is all I need. I picked up my magnesium already so I am all set with that. I won't be in the store too long, just a few minutes. Oh, I just remembered, I need some sheet protectors too. I can pick those up tomorrow too.
Painwise, it isn't super bad today except for the headache. My right leg gives me such trouble at night though. It really does. I have to get up and walk sometimes for it to stop hurting so bad for a while. I am not sure why, but I am thankful it isn't both legs, just the right leg. I am really tired today too so I think I am going to take the Maisy girl and go take a nap. I am just really exhausted still from competition last weekend. It takes so long to recover from it. It really does.
I hope your day is going well.
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