oopsie!

So, I took Mom upstairs to her bedroom to sleep last night.  I still didn't get enough sleep.  I think I was awake until about 5 am.  That wasn't the best idea because the pressure sores were bleeding this morning, something they haven't really done on the air bed.  Mom is laying down right now on it, sleeping.  She is very exhausted today.  I think because yesterday was such a good day and I had her do too much this early afternoon.  Oops!  I won't do that again that is for sure.  I am almost ready for my nap too.  This sleep pattern has got to improve, it really sucks right now.  I am so tired but I can't sleep for more than an hour at a time until about 5 am.  Bad nightmares go through my head at times.  We live in a safe neighborhood and there hasn't been a house break in in years, yet, I have been having nightmares about it that I can't sleep between the hours 2 am to 5 am.  It really stinks.  This has been happening since last week when Mom first slept downstairs.  I mean really, if an intruder tried to get into our house, he/she would trip on all the stuff we got near the doors.  I blocked the garage door with our recycle bins (they can be moved in case of an emergency real easy) and the back door is blocked too.  The front door has an extra chain on it so Mom doesn't go out.  This is really getting out of hand on me.

Not too much going on today.  Mom had her bath, and like I said, is now resting in the hospital bed.  I am heading in there soon.  I don't have any lessons on Wednesday unless it is a makeup so it makes for a dull day.  I paid a few bills yesterday so that is now taken care of, thank goodness.  I put a load of laundry in.  Naturally I wait until I am on my last pair of clean undies before I do a load.  Can't stay ahead can I?  Actually, ever since Calli helped me carry all the dirty laundry downstairs and Tillie helped me do it all, I have managed to stay on top of it.  I was just tired this week so I didn't do it until today.  I will put another load in after this one is empty and then i will be up to date.

This month is Meet the Blind month.  Let me tell you, I know two children, who happen to be blind, that are absolutely amazing and they will be anything they want to be.  They are fearless, and adventurous, and simply wonderful.  I can't go on and on enough of how awesome these two children are.  To me, they are simply remarkable and they have such wonderful parents.  Basically, the parents every child should have.  They type that instill good self esteem and values while encouraging the children to do what they want and not hold back.  I wish I was more like them, but I am timid in new situations and I get scared very easily at times.  They are teaching me so much more than I can express.  Teaching them piano and voice is such a fun time for us.  They are both so musically talented and excited about learning in general.  All my students simply will love them, and the ones that do know them, already love them.  One of my older girls, Katie, can't wait to meet them.  She is trying to figure out how she can meet them before the Christmas Concert.  I have the most amazing students.  I simply love them all.  I just wish I had more of them.

tuesday a better day

It is definitely a better day today.  Mom finished one ensure at lunch/breakfast and is working on the 2nd one.  She so needs the protein.  I wish there was a protein pill because I would so give it to her.  It would heal her pressure sores in an instant.  She hasn't had them last this long ever.  it is going on 3 weeks now.  I know it is the protein that heals them.  The nurse is looking at what else to do for her.  I don't know that there really is anything to do for her.  The nurse is not really happy about the bed situation.  She likes Mom sleeping on the special hospital bed, but not that I am so far away from her and she is close to the door.  I don't think Mom can get over the rails and she sleeps in one position all night long but still there is that small chance she would figure out the door and go out it.  Tonight I am going to try to take her upstairs to bed.  This way I can gate her in.  If she can't, then I will put her in the living room.  She should be strong enough tonight for it as she is having a really good day.  The past few days have been very hard on her, she was so weak, I don't know why.  She couldn't walk, she couldn't eat, she couldn't do anything.  Now she is her normal, well, somewhat normal, self.

If she stays like this we can go to my cousin's for the Canadian Thanksgiving and to my Uncle's in a couple of weeks.  How cool would that be?  I will be bringing the food thickener though with me.

Mom is also getting to the point of pureed food.  Doesn't sound that tasty to me, but if that is what I need to do, I will.  My friend, Jen, told me how to do it.  She used to make it for her kids when they were small.  I have to find our blender/food processor, as I haven't seen it in a few years.  I think it is over the fridge in a cabinet there.  Dumb place for a cabinet, let me tell you.  No one can reach up there.

The pelvic pain is slowly going away, thank God for that!  I was able to sleep a bit better last night for a change, and hope to again tonight, especially since I am moving Mom back upstairs tonight.  I will sleep much better with her up those stairs in the room next to me.  I have a bit of more of a headache than usual, but who knows why.

I meant to bring out one of my Christmas crafts, but I always say, in a minute, and that minute hasn't come yet.  I do hope to start something this week.  I also have a pair of jeans to fix for my friend, and a skirt to finish for Natalie.  The procrastinator in me!  Not good.  I have been taking naps in the afternoon because I have been extra tired lately.  I am not sure why except maybe less sleep at night.  I don't know.  We are hanging in here at this house.  I am hoping to see Richard soon, but he hasn't mentioned coming to see us since summer.  I am afraid because he is waiting, it may get to be too late but, when you are working contract work because there is no full time job, you have to take the work when you get it.  So I do understand, it is just that Alzheimer's doesn't understand and is robbing Mom more and more of herself everyday.

I do hope you are enjoying fall.  We are, this weather is so much nicer than the hot summer.  It really is for me.  I am not looking forward to snow though, that I can skip except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

lots of lessons day!

I had 4 lessons today, all piano.  We have officially started with Christmas music.  We had to start with the girls because they only have lessons once a month, so we can't wait until November when the concert is in December.  Hannah and Natalie are playing regular sheet music now, instead of easy piano.  They have moved up into the world!  Natalie was a little nervous I think with her one piece because it's a lot of notes to play at one time, but I think she will be just fine.  Lydia picked her songs too.  Because she has more trouble learning pieces than her sisters, she is doing easy piano music.  It is a bit too easy for her, but the next level is too hard at this point.  Bob started with Christmas last week.  It seems weird to be playing Christmas music and it isn't even Halloween yet!  Hey, you have to start early if you want students to play well in the concert and I do!  Calli and Acer are absent today, but I am not starting them on Christmas until the end of the month.  They don't need as much time to practice for the concert as the older ones do.  However, we will be starting before Halloween with them too.  Frank will be starting this week too.  Katie will start hers at her next lesson.  So all in all, everyone is starting their Christmas music.  It is very festive during lessons right now.

Mom is resting in the living room right now.  I had to get up early for my girls lessons and she didn't want to get up, so hey, I let her sleep.  Carolyn came over and she stayed with Mom and when Sylvia arrived to give Mom her bath, Carolyn's Mom came up too.  She wanted to meet Sylvia which is totally understandable as Carolyn had never met her before and was a bit worried about letting a stranger in the house.  Sylvia was just finishing up when I arrived home.  Mom was still in bed but we got her up to sit in the living room so she would be comfy for a while.  I really didn't want her laying down all day.  She needs to sit up sometimes too.  I don't push Mom getting up right now.  If she wants to stay in bed, I let her.  She is very tired all the time.  Tomorrow we get to sleep in!  I am so glad.  It seems the last few nights I have been awake on and off all night long.  I swear I saw the clock almost every hour until 5 am this morning.  It is getting rather annoying and it is the pelvic pain that is keeping me up.  At 5 am I came down the stairs to get some more pain medicine and decided to give the new stuff a second try.  Well, let me tell you, it worked because the next time I saw the clock, it was 10:00 am.  So yeah!  I plan to take that stuff again tonight.  It really helped the pain.  I could sleep without feeling any pain in that area.  So that was extremely exciting to me.  I don't know how tired it makes me so I haven't taken any yet today but it is almost time for more pain medicine so I am going to try it again.

It is nice and sunny out today unlike yesterday with the rain.  We didn't have time to go to Timmy's today.  I am not sure if we will go tomorrow or not.  All depends on Mom.  I may take a run up there while she is sleeping but I am not sure.  I don't really like doing that.  If we go I will bring her ensure with me and not get her a milk.  She needs the ensure more now than the milk because she only drinks about 1 a day.  Not much nutrition for her but according to the hospice book, it is normal.  Doesn't seem right to me, but her body is telling her it doesn't need much so she doesn't drink much.  She was coughing a bit today and it sounded like a bit of congestion.  I am hoping it isn't because she doesn't need to get sick, that could be the end of her then.  The hospice book did say though that sometimes they do get fluid in the lungs at the end.  So you can totally see why I DON'T want her to have any congestion.  I want her to last to after Christmas so I can really make a good one for her.  The Muglia girls are going to help me decorate the living room and dining room.  I am not sure where I will put the tree, but we will find a good place for it.  I am just asking for a few more months, that isn't too much is it?

One lesson tomorrow and then one on Thursday and then that is it for the week.  I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day!  It has been a good one so far here.

Lazy Sunday!

It has been a very lazy day for me here.  I got up and got dressed around 11:30 am.  I talked on the phone for a bit then went and taught 1 lesson before I got Mom up.  She didn't want to get up at that point so I didn't make her.  After Katie's lesson I got Mom up.  It was very tiring for the two of us.  It is a long walk to the other bathroom to get her ready.  I am going to try a new way tonight in the living room getting her undressed and ready for bed.  We DID go to Tim Horton's today.  It was the first time we went together since I was in the hospital Wednesday evening.  It totally wiped her out so it wasn't the usual fun time.  I think next time I will use the wheelchair.  I can put the wheelchair at the bottom of the steps, walk her out the door and down the steps and then put her in.  Then I can wheel her to the car.  Once we get where we are going, I can put her back into the wheelchair and take her in.  It shouldn't tire her out so much that way nor should it tire me so much.  I literally slept for 4 1/2 hours this afternoon, I was that tired.  Mom is still in the living room.  She is in some pain and doesn't want to move.  I tried to get her to come to the dining room but she just hurts to much so I left her in there.  She has had 1/3 of an ensure today.  I will be making some chicken for her shortly when I make me something to eat too.  I hope she eats some of it.  I will just feed her in the living room.

I think I am going to get an air mattress for me to sleep on in the living room because it is very difficult for me to sleep that far away from her.  If she should need me in the middle of the night, I won't hear her because 1 - I am far away upstairs in the furthest from the stairs bedroom and 2 - I am partially deaf.  So between those two issues, I think that might make me feel better about her sleeping downstairs away from me.

I wish we were able to go to my Uncle's yesterday because my cousin, Billy, was there and I haven't seen him in a few years.  He is really nice and a good cousin.  My other cousin, Nicole, and her family were there too and I really like her too.  Actually, I like most of my cousins, they are good friends as well as family members.  They are very helpful.  I love them all so much.  I don't know if Mom will be able to make that long trip again, but we can see.  I have a wheelchair and I can use it for her.  She also has a walker that she can use.  It is so hard to watch a once, very vibrant person become so weak and frail.  Mom was such a go getter that I wish you could have seen her.  But I am thankful she is still here for now.

The pelvic pain is minimum now.  It still hurts, but not like it did.  I am taking some pain medicine to take care of it and it helps, but doesn't eliminate the pain totally.  Because of the antibiotics, I am afraid to take my blood thinner medication because they don't react well together.  I will be taking them again after the antibiotics are finished, which should be by Wednesday or Thursday.  I only have the usual headache today although when we were eating lunch I had pain in my neck and upper back but I know that was from leading and helping Mom walk.

I got Christmas music out for the Muglia girls tonight.  Since they have lessons only 1 time a month, I felt we needed to start now and not wait until November's lesson.  I want them to be prepared for the Christmas Concert.  I should know the date shortly.  Heather B-T is taking care of that for me.  I am happy to have the help.  I am pretty flexible on the date.  I did give her my order of choices, but in reality, whenever we are able to get the church works for me.

Tomorrow will be a bit busy for me, but I look forward to it.  It is hard for me at times to fill my day up with enough to do.  I never know what I will be up for either, which makes it even harder.  I have a few less students than I have ever had so that is hard too.  If I had some more, it would be good.  I would have things to do and students to teach.  Blasted economy!  It is hard on people in general and very hard on me as I am a luxury item.  I am the first to go.  But, I know God is in control and he has a plan for me.  I don't know what it is yet, but I am waiting to find out.

I hope this finds you doing well.  We are, overall, doing okay in the house.  Mom is getting a bit stronger, but not too much.  We can't expect miracles with this illness, that is for sure but for her to hang on a bit longer is good.

magazine!

Don't forget to check out the FM Aware magazine from the national association!

www.fmaware.org.

It has great resources and articles for our information and enjoyment.

october is finally here with nicer weather!

It is so nice outside today.  Definitely my type of day, except for the rain.  It isn't raining right now, so I am happy about that, but it did rain earlier in the morning.  Mom is doing a bit better nutrition wise today than she has the last few days.  She downed a full ensure bottle in 15 minutes this afternoon when I got her up.  I didn't get her up until about 1 pm because she didn't want to get up.  She can't walk very well but I am hoping it will improve with the added nutrition.  We were supposed to go to my Uncle's today, but I didn't think she could handle the drive and she can't walk well.  She is sitting up much straighter now and isn't leaning to the left as much as she was yesterday.  Yesterday she was bent way over and leaning to the left really bad.  It was frightening because she was so weak she couldn't hold herself up right.  Today she is better, especially after downing the ensure.  I am hopeful we can get another one down her today.  That is my goal, and maybe with a boost pudding later too.  Possibly even with some dinner!  Now that would make my day, completely make my day!

The pain is getting much better, it only hurts a small amount now so yeah for that!  The pain medicine is starting to really help the pain as it gets much better.  I never want to go through anything like this again.  Never!

Not much is going on today.  I am going to venture into our dungeon (the family room) to pull out a Christmas ornament craft to begin on.  I am not sure.  I think because she is doing so well I will try to put in a movie to watch.  Right now she isn't tired so I won't put her in the living room for a nap, but maybe will need to later.  We shall see.  Right now I want to really just spend some time with her even if we are just sitting next to each other in the dining room.

I hope you are enjoying the nice fall weather.  It is so beautiful out, weather wise, compared to what it was a month ago.  I am so glad to see October.  It is a happy month in this house, even though I don't really like Halloween.  Don't know why, just don't like it as much as Christmas.  Love the Christmas season, simply love every bit of it, even the annoying shoppers can't get me down!  I will begin to purchase Christmas presents this month so I will have enough money to pay for the presents.  If I don't start now, then no one will get anything.  I don't know what to get Mom because she is in such bad condition, there is a new Tinkerbell movie out and she loves Tinkerbell, so maybe that.  We'll see!

Have a great afternoon!

Friday!

The pelvic pain has been cured, well, sort of since it still hurts, but not as bad as it did.  It turned out to be an abscess on me.  It was very painful to do anything, and well, Wednesday did it for me.  After practically crying most of the day from the pain, I went to the ER.  Now I felt rather weird about this because it wasn't truly an emergency and that is what emergency room means.  However, it turned out to be the best thing because the ultrasound wouldn't have picked it up.  It would have missed it all.  So, I would still be in pain and not knowing what was wrong.  They pricked and drained it.  Supposedly they numbed the area.  Okay, but it still hurt and I was petrified.  Simply scared to death.  I am supposed to sit and soak everyday 3 to 4 times a day but I have to get the sit bath basin to do it.  I will be getting that this afternoon.  Somehow I have to keep that area completely clean, a challenge but with the soakings that should help.  The doctor did say I would ache like crazy yesterday but today would be better and it is.  Not good enough for me, but better.  I hope it is even better tomorrow because, quite frankly, 2 weeks of this torture is enough.  I did learn that had I had this diagnosed earlier, like last week, I could have saved myself not only some pain, but they could have given me medicine and it would have drained itself.  But no, I was embarrassed and upset and look what happened.

The old hospital bed is gone and the new one is in its place.  I still don't like the idea of Mom down here away from me at night, but she is so weak now.  She had a really hard time walking this morning and we have to go to the store.  (I am waiting to see if the girl down the street can come and stay with her for a few while I go)  She nearly fell 2 times walking to the bathroom on this level.  It is a further walk in the morning for her and the bathroom is smaller but what can we do?  I can't afford to bust out a wall and make it a good size bathroom.  In this new bed she only needs one pillow as her head was completely off the pillows when I came down this morning.  Not a good thing for her.  I guess the pillows were too high.  I also think they aren't her pillows but I can't find hers.  It is really upsetting me but what can I do? I can't find them.  Maybe they just look different on this bed.  I am going to wait another 1/2 hour and then we are going to have to go to the store.  I need to soak today with this basin.  Not that I want to, but I have to.  I need to keep the area clean.

So far, it has been a pretty good day overall.  Mom had her bath and now she looks nice and spiffy.  Although she looks very tired and weak.  She had about 1/4 of a Ensure yesterday and that was it.  So far today she has drank 1/2 of one.  I am trying to get 2 down her today plus some chicken.  I pray it works.  I don't need her going down farther.  She is going down fast enough.

My head is more sore than usual.  Probably trying to recover from staying on a stretcher for the last day and a half.   My back is better because it was really getting sore too from the same thing and well, I could only lay on my back because of the pain.  I am a side sleeper.  On my back I sometimes stop breathing and it also hurts it if I lay to long on it.  I do hope the pain pills work for me.  They wanted to give me vicodin at the hospital.  I am allergic to vicodin, I told the doctor that I get really bad headaches from it and she still wanted to give me it.  Why would I take something that makes my head hurt really bad?  I also am allergic to codeine.  Another alternative was Tylenol 3 which has codeine in it.  Where on earth was the doctor's head?  I get bad headaches from each of them.  I am not going to take them.  Those were my only 2 options so I had to take no option.  I simply refused to take either as they both make me ache more.  I know there is more than that option available, just think a bit about it.  Really, sometimes doctors make absolutely no sense.

It is beautiful out and we will be heading out soon to get my basin.  I think I will just go to the pharmacy right up the street instead of Walmart where we usually go.  I hope you have beautiful weather too.

wednesday

I got some new pain pills for the pelvic pain.  Unfortunately, they DON'T work.  When I took them last night, on the way home from the store, they never kicked in.  I am so bummed about that because this pain is really bad.  I can't get a hold of the OBGYN that I need to so I guess it is the emergency room for me because I can't handle another day/night of this excruciating pain.  I do have a UTI, but that does not explain the pain.  I am supposed to have the ultra sound tomorrow.  When Tillie arrives today we will head to the hospital.  I don't want to go, but I can't take the pain anymore.  I haven't really slept in over a week now since the pain started last Monday.

On a lighter note, Mom has had her first bath with the hospice aide.  She is very nice and thorough.  She will do Mom's hair on Mondays and Fridays because that is what I requested.  I don't think it needs to be done more than that.  So far, I like all the hospice people.  We are waiting for one more person to arrive today to meet with Mom and I.  I think it is the spiritual advisor.  I don't know exactly what he does, but we will find out.  Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays will be Mom's bath days at around 1 pm.  I like that they have appointments with us because the other company, you never knew when they would come.  It changed from week to week and day to day so your whole day was shot because you couldn't plan around it.  With hospice, it is appointments so you know when they are coming.  The nurse will be here either tomorrow or Friday to check on Mom's sores.

I have called, again, the company that the hospital bed is from.  They were supposed to call me back in 15 minutes.  This was an hour ago.  This happened the last few times I called.  There is a new hospital bed waiting to be delivered for Mom.  I am so unhappy about this because the new bed is waiting to be delivered.  They wanted to deliver it yesterday but they can't until this bed is gone.  I want this bed out of my house.  I don't really want the new one, but it is an air type bed which will be better for Mom.  It is a special bed for her that will help heal the sores and prevent them from coming back which is exactly what we need.  I am not happy that I have to put it in the living room, where I teach but all my students are aware of what is going on so no surprises there.  If the kids don't know, the parents do.  I will make the bed up everyday so it will look nice and neat.  I don't like that Mom loses her privacy, but what else can I do?  She is having trouble with the stairs and she needs a bed where she won't get sores on.  I am sure after a few weeks it will be fine and we will both be used to it.

I hope your day is going well.  It is very nice out here right now.  The sun is shining and it is a bit warm, not too warm, but a bit warm.  Enough to fill your soul.

Relief has arrived!

I feel so much better today!  Tons better!  It is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I met with Melissa, the hospice nurse, and she spent about 4 hours here filling out papers, talking, answering questions, even giving Mom her bath since we can't have the other home care aide do it since we are now a hospice family.  It is amazing what they do, simply amazing.  I almost cried so many times today from relief.  Of everything I done and the decisions I have made, this was the best one yet.  They will be here from now until the end so how cool and great is that?  I mean, if she falls, they will be here, if she gets another infection (which will probably happen) they will be here, if I need something in the middle of the night, they will be here.  Also, Dr. G, our family doctor, is also on board with all this.  He wants to remain her doctor until the end, so really, how cool is that.  If, though, for some reason, he can't be gotten a hold of, they have their own doctors on call, so we are so covered it is unbelievable.  Also, most of her medicine is now covered.  I only have to pay for her synthroid and namenda, so I am excited about that.  They also will cover her briefs, no more shopping for briefs, they will send them to me.  The hospital bed we currently have in the living room must go back because they will be sending me one that is an airbed, specific for people like mom who have problems with skin breakdowns.  I am just so relieved over everything.  The best thing?  She said Mom has time.  She has some left.  She gave me hope too, something I haven't had in a long time.  Yes, I know Mom is dying, but she isn't going to die in the next few weeks, she has some time left.  Also, Mom can be a hospice patient indefinitely, she can be recertified over and over again until the end.  Overall, it is the best situation we can be in for this horrible situation.  Mom will still be dying day by day, but I have help in making her last days better for her.  She will be pain free and comfortable.  That is what is the best.  If Mom needs 24/7 care, they will be here and Medicare pays for all of this.  All of this.  I am so happy and grateful for this program.

The pain level for the fibro has dropped dramatically today, however, the pelvic pain is still excruciating.  I did call the doctor's office and asked for pain medicine for this.  I am hoping a prescription will be called in tomorrow for me.  We shall see.

Overall, I must say today has been the best day all summer and so far this fall.  Mom is even doing better today than she has in over a week when she went to the hospital.  She is talkative (okay, I don't understand half of what she is saying) and she even ate a whole bowl of cereal, something she couldn't do sometime.  She hasn't had much of her Ensure, but she is looking perked and talking, so something good has happened to her.

I hope your day has been as good as mine.  It has truly been one to remember, I have help with Mom.  Whatever I need for her, I can get.  I can't express how relieved I am over this whole situation.

hospice

A nurse from Hospice will be here in the morning.  At 11 am to be exact so we will be getting out of bed earlier than usual.  The other times we could have her visit were when I would be teaching so that wouldn't work out plus I would like the assessment done as soon as possible.

I can't believe we may be at the point where hospice is called.  The physical therapist, Lori, suggested I call them so I went online to get the information and they called this afternoon.  I knew it would happen soon but was not ready to hear that today, although a part of me was wondering how one gets hospice involved. I called and left a message with Richard so he would know, but that is about all I can do.  Tillie will be here for the assessment.

I have been reading a lot today to keep my mind of tomorrow.  The pain is still there but I am getting used to it.  I hope it is something easy that will be fixed immediately because, quite frankly, I can't handle anything else.  My friends, both online and in person, have been very helpful and hopeful for me.  I am trying to remind myself that this doesn't mean that anything will happen right now, it is just to make sure Mom is taken care of, which has always been my goal.  My focus has always, and needs to always be, on making sure Mom is taken care of.  She is sleeping in the living room right now.  She also, has almost finished her Ensure so I am pretty positive she will at least start another by nighttime which will be the first since she came home from the hospital.  Like Kathy said, maybe she just needed a few extra days to recover from the hospital.  I have known for a few days that Mom is taking another step down.  I can see it even if I choose to ignore it which I do a lot.  I am not blind, I can see how fragile she is, but I do firmly believe that if she doesn't use her muscles she will lose her muscles.  I also think that her routine should not be broken if she can still do it, so until she can no longer get in a car, we are going out everyday.  It is good for the both of us.  That I know for sure.  She enjoys going out with me.  When we come home, she is tired, so she takes a nap.  Yes, I know, she sleeps more than she is awake right now.  It was bound to happen.

Tomorrow I also have to go to the Doctor's and give another urine sample.  They lost the one I did on Friday.  The doctor wants a culture of it.  I hope to have answers soon.

I am going to go and get one of my favorite books and continue reading and being quiet.  I am not really hungry for dinner, but I will make myself something small.  My heart is too sore to eat, but I must keep up my strength or I won't be any good for Mom.

I do hope you had a good day and are enjoying the fall.  The weather has been very nice and has put smiles both on my face and on Mom's face.

lazy saturday

Hi!  Well, I have been very lazy this day.  I slept in and I took a nap.  I needed the nap as for some unknown reason I have been very tired lately, very, very tired.  I mean, I was up for 2 hours and needed a nap, that is rather unusual for me.  I finally caved and went into the living room at about 3 and slept for about 2 1/2 hours.  I could have slept for more but the phone rang and I was hoping it was big brother letting me know he got my email.

The new pain is in the pelvic area and it affects walking, sitting, laying, and standing, so essentially anything I do makes it hurt worse.  The Darvocet plus Tylenol seems to take the edge off it, but it still hurts.  The one place I sit in the living room with the feet up makes it hurt less.  I have looked online to see what it could possibly be and I hope it is something easy because the other choices scare the daylights out of me.  I won't know more until after I get the test results back from the one exam and the ultra sound, which is Thursday.  I have an appointment next Friday with the Doctor.  He can't give me any medicine until he knows what it is.  That scares me too because usually he can come up with what's wrong and here is the medicine but not this time.  I have a dread pit in my stomach that has never been there before and I am trying to be positive about the whole thing, but I am fighting a losing battle with myself.  Never have I felt like this before.  It is new to me.  How on earth do people handle this type of situation?  I really need help with this.  All my brain can go to are the worst case scenarios and that is just not me.  I am an optimistic person, have been forever, and now I am pessimistic?  How does this happen?  All I know is that this pain is worse than the blood clot pain that I had in 2005.  It is worst than the chest pains I had.  At least those pains went away and I had really good pain killers for them.  I don't have much for this.  It is hard getting Mom's pants and shoes on because I have to bend too.  I try not to let her see that because she will cry and not understand what is going on but I have never put her pants on or taken them off so fast in my life.  Zip, zip, done.  Until this is diagnosed I can't help but dread getting Mom up in the morning or putting her to bed at night.  We go to bed a bit earlier than we did last week because I am so tired, but Mom isn't tired and doesn't want to go to bed.  She goes up with me but doesn't want to lay down in her bed which is exactly what I want to do.  Last night she took an hour to lay down.  I tried to explain that I was exhausted and needed to go to bed, she said, well, go to bed.  I can't go to bed until she does because I don't think she can crawl into her bed anymore.  Finally, I just moved her legs and put her in bed.  I know she was a awake for a while after that because I could hear her talking.

Anyways, I hope you day is better than mine!  This pain has got to go.  Maybe it will mysteriously disappear like it appeared?  I could get lucky, one never knows.