4 Days until Christmas! Are you Ready?

Well?  Are you?  I almost am.  I have a couple more gift certificates to get and then I will be officially done!  Just 3 more!  Finally!  I picked up 2 yesterday and will do the others this weekend.  All I have to do is print them on my computer, thankfully.

Maisy is lying down next to me on her ottoman.  She is such a loving doggie.  I love her so much.  I know, I say that all the time.  I think it is because it is such a shock to me.  I never expected that I would love a dog so much.  I really didn't but boy do I!  Here is her picture:

Yup, this is Maisy.  This is her, take the picture, Auntie, I am so done with this look.  This is her ottoman and she is also wishing it was empty for her.  She weighs about 18 or so pounds so she is a nice little lap dog.  We think she is part ninja because she can get in and out of the craziest places and things.  Last Sunday was the kids church concert and pageant.  I put Maisy in her crate.  I closed it carefully.  Well, I met up with the others at the concert and then we went out to dinner.  I was the first one home, guess who met me at the door, you guessed it, Maisy!!!!!  She ninjaed herself right out of her crate.  We don't really know how.  today, I am not putting her in one when I leave for lunch.  It will be only for an hour or so and Bill said don't bother especially since she now knows how to get out.  Anyways, this is the little princess I talk all the time about.

I realized last night that I am much better this year at this time than last year.  I believe I had meltdown after meltdown last year at this time.  I have had a couple but not too long.  I can't believe that I am spending another Christmas without Momma but I am.  She gets to spend Jesus' birthday with him, how cool is that?  I mean, really.  We get his spirit but she gets it all.

The other night my side ached so bad and I was sooooo nauseous.  It was awful.  I was, literally, awake most of the time in such pain.  It didn't matter what side I was on, it was bad and then the nausea hit.  I couldn't move then.  I finally had to get up to take something for it.  It helped a bit but man oh man, was it bad.  I was so wiped out that on Thursday, I was in bed at 9:00 and I don't remember seeing 9:30 on the clock.  I woke the next day at 12 noon.  It was a rare night that I didn't wake up too much either.  I slept right through with only a couple of wake ups.  I have felt better since but ugh.  I do have to call Doctor G and have him look at me because Heather BT thinks it could be my appendix and this does happen quite frequently just usually it is bad and then gone not like Wednesday night.  I hope not to have that type of a night happen again ever.  It was that bad.  I even contemplated going to the ER but I really couldn't move enough to go plus I would have to wake Bill or Heather and I really didn't want to do that.  As I thought more and more about it, I finally dozed off at 7 am for about an hour.  I started feeling better about 9 am so I didn't go.

My anxiety level is down now and I hope it stays down for the rest of the season.  I have a couple of lessons next week between Christmas and New Years but not many.  I expected this.  I have one on Monday, a couple Thursday and 2 on Friday with one on Saturday so really, that is a lot for the vacation.  Acer has elected not to have a lesson this Friday, which I told him was perfectly fine as it is vacation.  Speaking of little man, he is now 9!!!  Yes, today IS his birthday!  i am so excited for him!  We have a 9 year old in the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, Acer has turned 9.  He is very excited about this too.  Tomorrow is Acer's birthday party and he will get his present then.  I can't wait for him to open them all from everyone.  I love watching children open presents because they look so sweet when they do.  I was nervous that the gift I got him would not be here in time, but it was so thank goodness for that!

Well, my aunt will be here soon.  Not sure exactly when, but soon.  We are going to lunch.  I probably should go to the bank too.  Nah, I will do that on Monday.

Christmas Season and anxiety

I have high anxiety.  It goes along with fibro.  Thankfully, I do not have the depression.  Yes, after Momma died, I was depressed and grieving but that depression was more of a grieving type than a fibro type.  The last few Christmases have been VERY hard on me with her gone.  She died in October 2010 so the first one was awful, simply awful.  I went to the family party and felt like a stranger in my own family.  I left early because I couldn't take the pain of it.  I cried the entire drive home.  By the way, it is not recommended to cry while driving.  It is a difficult thing to do but I did it.

This year, I find that I am not having a rough time of it.  I still miss mom, I still ache from her not being here, and I still ache from fibro, but I think having my friend, Heather BT and her family here has definitely improved my anxiety overall and I have been enjoying this season of cheer.  Calli and Acer are delightful children and they make me smile, most of the time.  When the are not misbehaving or being bratty anyway, which most of the time they are not, they are usually really good kids.  Having people in the house that I like has helped too.  Heather BT and I have known each other since we were in our early 20s and then drifted apart.  We reconnected in 2009 right after Calli came home from China.  I am so glad too.  We get along rather well as do her hubby, Bill and I do.  We each have our duties and roles in the family and it works well.  I do dishes and Calli helps when she can.  Heather BT does my laundry and it is a darn good thing too because, well, to be honest, I really suck at laundry, I just simply suck at it.  She makes my stuff come back in good condition and nice and clean and all that good stuff.

Painwise, I am still having major issues with headaches.  I did go to the arthritis doctor and the gastro doctor this week.  The pain that I thought was my hip is not my hip.  The arthritis doctor thinks it is the colon.  I asked the gastro doctor about it and she thinks it is muscular/skeletal so basically, fibro.  Yeah for that.  It isn't all the time just some of the time.  If it becomes all the time, then I will need to have it looked into because it really hurts when it comes, it is excruciating pain, simply excruciating.  Fortunately, it goes away rather quickly and then I am fine but it stops me in my tracks when it arrives.  usually, it is at night after I have been lying on that side for a while or when I have been sitting for a bit.  It is not linked to meals or anything like that so that is why the gastro doctor doesn't think it is the colon.  I do have diverticulitis though and both said that that can be painful at times.  I have to be on the lookout for infection, which I am.

Miss Maisy is here sitting next to me looking outside at a winter wonderland.  It snowed a few inches last night.  I don't need to go out until much later to return some stuff I bought that I don't need.  If I don't do it tonight, that is fine too.  I can go another day.  It looks so pretty out but I am not sure how the driving would be.  I am sure it isn't too bad though otherwise no one would be leaving their homes and my neighbors have been driving up and down our street all day.  I am on one of the main streets in our neighborhood so I would notice this and also, Maisy barks every time a car drives by.  She is such a cutie, a definitely barky girl, but super cute too.  She is standing vigilantly at the window watching for cars going by.

I think what has helped the most for my anxiety this year, after my housemates, is the furbabies.  Q is Calli's guide dog but when he is not working, he is a family dog but he does hang out with Calli most.  He was most unhappy with her today as she was outside shoveling snow while he was inside.  Not a happy dog, not at all.  Maisy is Heather BT's little 18 pound dog.  She is so adorable and while Heather BT is her number 1 person, I am her number 2 person.  Maisy has lowered my anxiety a lot too because when I get to anxious, I go and pick her up and snuggle with her.  I can feel my anxiety leaving my body when I do that.  Nothing lowers it faster than snuggling with Maisy, nothing I found yet anyway, even medicine.  I have moved a blue ottoman next to my chair at the computer for her to sit on and look outside.  She knows this is her seat and loves it.  I didn't even hear her come up and didn't know she had until she took her little paw to tell me it was time to pet her.  I did.  I snuggled up with her.  She is not always a well behaved dog too but we have to take the good with the bad, don't we?

Sammy is coming over to help decorate the tree.  I only have the little one up because I just didn't want to deal with the big one this year.  Next year I will deal with the big one, just not this year.  She should be here soon.  Sammy is a wonderful student who helps me so much.  She helps put music away, get music out, and things like that.  She is a wonderful organizer, which I so need help on.  I am not the most organized person.  I so try to be, but it just fails.  I have her to help for another year then off to college she goes!

Well, Sam should be here any minute.  I am also getting tired.  I think Maisy and I will take a brief nap until she gets here.  It is snuggle doggy time.

Hmmm, how long has it been?

I used to post daily but I find myself not posting daily.  Sometimes it is because I am so exhausted at the end of the day that I elect to go to bed instead and others I find myself hanging with the kids instead.  I look back at what my life was like a year ago and boy, what a difference a year can make!  I was lonely, scared, sick, tired, and worn out missing mom something awful last year living by myself.  Then Heather BT and crew moved in and suddenly our house was alive again.  I still miss mom horribly, but I am not lonely, scared and worn out in the same way that I was.  Now, don't get me wrong, I still am exhausted all the time and well, it isn't like the fibro took a walk, oh no, these things didn't leave, I just feel better inside as far as mentally than I did a year ago.

Right now Maisy is sitting next to me snoring away as I type.  She is definitely on of the most awesome things that have happened to me in the last year.  I had no idea how much a dog (or pet) could improve your life!  Well, she sure has.  I am her #2 person with Heather BT being her #1 person.  I love how Maisy will go in back and forth between us to make sure we are both okay.  Right now it is my turn, and also, it is time to feed her and she knows I will be feeding her so that could be it too.  I will be right back.  I have to feed the little fur baby!

She is happily eating her dinner in the laundry room.  Last night she came into my room to say goodnight.  It was quite cute.  She puts her paws on my bed so I will lift her up and she wanted me to scratch her tummy so I did.  Then Heather BT called her to go to bed in their room so she left.  I love when she coms into my room and sleeps on my bed.  When it is just a Maisy and me night, she spends all night in my room.  I have discovered for such a little dog (18 pounds) she hogs the bed and steals blankets but I would rather have the bed hogging, blanket stealing, 18 pound dog than none at all.

Lately, my right hip has been super painful at night.  It is fine when I am sitting down but the minute I stand or try to walk it is sharp pains.  I don't get it.  I do see the arthritis doctor this week so I can ask her about it.  I have had a few more neck ache headaches again.  I may have to consider the nerve block injection although I would prefer to not but if they continue, I will have to try it.  It isn't every night, thankfully, but every few nights.  Before I went to the ER, it was every night for weeks until it got so bad I just couldn't function or sleep or even move.  It hurt to walk to the car and to the ER that night.  It really did.  Thankfully, by the next day the doctor had found something to help it.  I see her again in January.

This is a busy week with doctors as both Wed and Thurs I have doctor appointments.  I see the arthritis doctor on Wed and the stomach doctor on Thurs.  Then I don't see them again until 6 or so months, or so I hope.  This time it was 4 months.  I am hoping to remember to bring my planner so I don't plan appointments on the same day, which I have done again.  I have to cancel the ear doctor appointment and reschedule it for a different day because it is on Wed. at the same time.  I really can't be in 2 places at once no matter how chub I am.  Which by the way, on Wed I will find out how much more weight I have lost and I am hoping a few more pounds.  I have had to stop wearing some of my clothes because they are too big.  Other clothes I can wear again because I am smaller and can fit into them.  It is exciting when that happens.  Right now I am into my Christmas sweatshirts that I really couldn't wear last year as they were too tight.  This year?  they are too big!  Yup!  I am loving that!  I think that it will be the last season for these Christmas sweatshirts as I am hoping to be closer to my goal weight next year and not fit into them.  That is the plan anyway!

Last week was an exhausting week for me and same with the week of Thanksgiving.  I wasn't feeling well at all the week of Thanksgiving.  At one point, Heather BT asked me if I was sure I wasn't bleeding in my stomach because my stomach was so upset all the time for the week.  It still is upset a lot, but not quite as much.  I also was sooooo exhausted, even more than usual.  I slept a lot.  I even was in bed by 8 or 9 pm some nights and didn't wake up until after noon, that is how exhausted I was.  Heather BT said I looked super pale (paler than usual, I am ghostly color) and that my eyes looked like I was in a lot of pain and extremely tired.  She is one of the few who really can tell when I am not feeling so good and when I am in either a lot of pain or extremely tired.  I did host Thanksgiving along with Will and we all had a good time.  I didn't cook.  I went and ordered from our local restaurant and that helped immensely.  My aunt and uncle, small cousin, friend Star, Will's Mom and brother all came over.  Will's mom and brother left earlier than anyone else but it was overall a good day.  Will is on his way to California now for a job.

I am hoping that since the Christmas Concert is over and the majority of Christmas presents are bought or made, that I will have a more relaxing Christmas season.  I am trying not to raise my anxiety.  I have bought things that I think people will like and I have pared down what I can and can't do.  I am going to give it my all at keeping at the can and can't do.  I know I will have some anxiety over when I decide I just can't do it, but I have to.  I just have to.  I have to accept that I can't do what I used to.  yes, it annoys and upsets me but it is a fact.  The Christmas concert for my students wipes me out.  Thankfully my friend, Star helped me a lot.  This lowered my anxiety.  I refuse to stop doing concerts for my students because I really feel that fibro has cost me so much that I just refuse to let it cost me one more thing.  I just won't.  With help from good friends like Star, it is easier.  I ask for help and I get  the help. I have a great group of parents who help me with setting up things and tearing them down.  So all in all, things work out.

Well, Heather BT and I are about to watch another episode of Once Upon a Time season one disc 3.  I love this show.  It is really good.

I think it has been a week 11-20

Wow, I am not sure how long it has been since I have posted.  I am sure it has been at least a week though.  I have not been very good on this lately.  My head has been in a major fog for a while now.  I am not sure why.  I have done some very goofy things because of it.  Fortunately I haven't done anything too goofy around students.  That would not be good.

Next week is thanksgiving.  I can't believe it.  I am actually having it here with Will and his Mom with possibly Star and her mom, Paula.  I am not sure yet.  It should be rather interesting.  I am not sure what exactly I will cook or what I will order, but I will know by Friday since that is the day I have to put the order in by.  I know I want corn bread so that will be from Boston Market along with some of their veggies.  I love their veggies.  Paula and Star are vegans so that will be an interesting mix.  I will have some salsa stuff for them to put on their potatoes.  I won't mash them because I put milk in that and they don't drink milk and for some reason soy milk doesn't sound good with mashed potatoes.  I will get a small thing of soy cream for Star's tea since I know that is what she likes.  Heather BT and family will be going to Bill's parents as their usual for the holiday.  On Friday, I will trod to Kathy's parents' house to have another Thanksgiving with her parents.  All in all, it should be rather good.  I think it will be.  I miss Kathy and her family.  I only get to see her parents on the 3 major holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter these days since they live about an hour away now.  I used to see them more often than that.  Of course, I don't see Kathy that much either.  We have a Murphy bed for her now when she comes to visit.  I am very excited to see her.  We always have a good time.

My right hip and lower back have been giving me lots of pain lately.  I am sure it is because of the weather and the redistribution of the losing of weight.  When it gets chilly like this, it starts to hurt.  It isn't as bad as two years ago because it isn't so cold yet but hopefully when it is, I will have lost even more weight.  I am very tired now after helping Acer with his homework.  Keeping him on task is harder than anything when it comes to doing his homework.  I think I am in for an early night tonight.

Amazing What I Can Now Hear 11-6

I got hearing aids today.  To say that I can hear things I never heard before or haven't heard in years, is amazing to me.  I was very nervous about these because I get headaches so easy that when I had tried them before, I got such bad headaches.  I took them out right away and vowed to never try them again.  So far, so good, no bad headaches.  It is rather weird to describe what I sound like.  I don't like how I seem to echo in my head, I am hoping that will stop or I will get used to this.  The pianos sound weird right now too, I am also hoping that will change too or I will get used to it.  This hearing through a computer is so very strange.  I am at 70% of where I should be because the hearing aid will gradually move me up to 100% percent.  They are run by computers now.  I can have my hearing aids hooked up to a computer and then they communicate to each other.  It is so strange to me.

When I was in the office, a truck drove by the window I was sitting near, I HEARD the truck go by.  I have never heard that before.  Last night Will was teasing me about being able to hear the background noises in the TV shows and movies.  I had to actually ask what background noises was he talking about?  I have never heard them.

Heather BT said that it also has changed my speaking voice a smidge.  We didn't expect that.  She thinks it is because I have to speak so loud so I can hear me and that raises up my squeaky little voice but now that I can hear me better, my voice has lowered a bit.  I also don't speak as loud since I can hear myself much better too.  I even heard Acer when he was talking to me from upstairs in the hallway when normally I would have to say, Acer come down to talk to me.  It was amazing to me.  I have been nervous and anxious about this for no reason.  I have the other two appointments for the check ups scheduled now.  i totally forgot that I needed a total of 3 appointments so I only made the 1 appointment.  Now I have the other 2 so it is fine.  I just have to check and make sure that it isn't on a day I already have an appointment since December is a busy month with appointments.  I think I have 3 in December and 1 in January so far.  They are all just check up ones, but I just have to make sure that I don't double book myself like I have been known to do.

I think it will be an adjustment with singing too.  I haven't done much singing since I just got them this afternoon so tomorrow will be a test with the singing I need to do.  Natalie and Isaac will be singing with me so it will be interesting.

I had planned on watching Law and Order but I think I am just too tired tonight.  I do need to get up early tomorrow and go to Sarah and Hannah's tomorrow so I think I will just go to sleep.  I am almost ready for it.

I think I have a really loud computer keyboard too because when I am typing, it is loud, really loud.

I also hear Maisy snort more now than I did before.  She is such a cute dog.  I could just hug her forever if she would let me.

Next to take care of are my eyes as I need new contacts and need to get my macular degeneration checked out too.

ugh. 11-1

My right leg, from the hip all the way down the back of my leg to my toes hurt.  It doesn't hurt as bad as yesterday, but it still hurts.  I don't know what I did to it.  I really don't recall doing anything to it, but it hurts a lot, and I mean, a lot.  Fortunately, it is more of a quiet day than not.  I have a couple of lessons but that is about it.  I can rest more than anything today and that is what I need.

My throat is a bit sore on the top part of it, but it isn't too bad yet.  I am hoping it isn't going to get too bad.  Acer, Calli, Heather BT, and Will are all sick.  Yup, that is 2/3 of the house.  So far, Bill and I have eluded the cold/bronchitis that is floating around our house.  I am hoping that we will not get this thing at all.  Like I said, I have just a small sore throat, which I have had for about a day or so now.

Maisy and I have been enjoying the quiet.  I plan to catch up on a couple of DVDs this evening and then head to bed early.  I have to be up for a 10 am phone call that is really important so going to bed early will be good.  I only have 2 lessons tomorrow so if I get too tired in the afternoon (like I often do), I can take a nap.  Generally, by the time Saturday rolls around, I am exhausted beyond exhausted and usually sleep the afternoon away.  There is a family get together that I am planning to go to but it will depend on whether or not I get this cold.  I am hoping I don't so I can go.  I will be able to take a brief nap before I have to leave.

I was so excited last night because I got to have Maisy in my room with me.  The only small problem was that Maisy likes to sleep right in the middle of my bed where I sleep.  I gently moved her over and crawled in.  She is such a sweet little dog.  Around 3 I had to get up for some pain meds so she came down with me.  Maisy was thirsty.  Then we went back upstairs to bed.  I did get up around 7:30 am to feed her and to let her out for doggie business.  After that, we both went back to bed.  Right now she is sitting on the big stool next to me.  She is looking out the window so she can see if anyone is coming.  I must say that Maisy has barely barked since it has just been the three of us here in the house.  She did really well with all the commotion of Halloween last night.

i didn't get to go to Star's party last night.  I wasn't feeling well enough.  Stupid fibro and throat.  Will was feeling really awful too so neither one of us could really go.  I was really looking forward to it too. We were going to watch some Harry Potter movies and Practical Magic but no, I had to not be feeling well enough.  I hope that I can see her next week and be feeling much better.

I think for dinner tonight I am going to go and get some chicken soup for Will and a salad for me.  Chicken soup is supposed to be very good for a cold and he is feeling really rather miserable so I will go get it for him.  Maisy will come with me because she is such a good companion when driving.  She is such good company.  I will have her to myself until Sunday when the rest of the family comes home.

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving.  I will get to see Kathy and family!!!!  I usually spend the holidays with her and her family.  It is so much fun to do that.  It really is.  I don't know if Kathy is going to be at her parents on Thanksgiving Day or the day after or the Saturday after, but one of the days I will see her.  I just can't believe that it is almost Thanksgiving already.  Then before I know it, it will be Christmas and New Year's!  This year is really going by so fast.

Well, it is almost time for the little good girl and I to go and pick up some dinner.

10-27

Today is trunk or treat for the kids at their church.  Calli is passing out the candy while Acer is participating in the trunk or treat.  Both kids have very cute costumes.  Acer is a clown and Calli is a fairy.  I try to be up about Halloween for them, but the truth is I don't particularly like the holiday.

Anyways, today was a quite day.  Tilley and Lia, along with Esther came over to drop off the walker and my little hoodie I left at Luana's on Canadian Thanksgiving.  They stayed for a few minutes.  The walker will be a big help for me as I plan to start walking outside everyday now with Maisy.  It has a seat so when I get tired, I can sit down and rest.  Basically, if I find myself leaning on the walker, I should be sitting down and resting.  I want to only use the walker for balance and resting.  I don't have good balance so that is why I wanted one.  My rheumotologist thought it was a good idea to get one too.

Acer gave Esther a book and a toy.  That was very sweet of him.  He can be so sweet and generous.  He knows that Esther loves books so he gave her one of his old board books.  Acer is also my official present shopper assistant.  He loves helping me pick stuff out for the little cousins.  I will have to start thinking about what to get them soon as Christmas is fast approaching and I need to spread the buying of gifts out over 2 months.  I think this week I will start my list and then ask Acer what he thinks we should get.  That sounds like a good plan.  Calli may have some good ideas too.  Heather BT had a great idea and I think that I will act upon it.  It will help the foundation that gave Calli her guide dog and it will give the kids their Christmas present.  It is really a cool idea.  Tilley and Lia didn't stay too long as they have some shopping to do.  Tilley wants a new bathing suit so she can go swimming in the pool for exercise.  She seems to really enjoy it.  Acer showed Lia his drum set and some of his drums.  Esther played on the electric piano downstairs.  It was quite cute.  Acer showed Esther the drums but because she is so small, she didn't play them.  I so agree.  She is only 3.  Maisy wouldn't go to Tilley at all, although she did stop barking when we were downstairs.  Tilley took home some more books with her.  She is in the middle of a series by Bertrice Small about Rosamund.  She needed the 2nd book, which somehow got left here last time.  I don't know how, but it did.  I also gave her some other books that are really good too.  Since I have a nook, I no longer need the actual books except for the special ones like Anne of Green Gables and Harry Potter.  I got a nook last year at Thanksgiving.  I had been saving up my gift certificates from Barnes and Nobles so that I could purchase one.  At first I really wasn't sure I wanted one but Kathy kept telling me I would love it so I finally gave in and boy was she right!  I love my nook so much.  It is the best thing ever.  I can have so many books on and I can even play some games on it too.  I love words with friends.  I am not very good at it, but that is okay.  I play it to expand my vocabulary.  I have never really been good with scrabble type games but they are fun to play whether or not I win.

Speaking of Scrabble, Acer, Heather BT, and I played a bit of scrabble today.  It was fun.  Acer does a pretty good job.  I surprised myself and did pretty well too.  Heather BT is very good at scrabble so that is not a surprise.

I didn't have any lessons today so it truly was a day off for me.  I did have a bit of work to do but basically I relaxed most of the day.  I had to type the words for 4 songs for Calli for school.  They were easy to do since I know the songs really well.  She is going to try out to sing a solo at her choir concert at school.  Calli has a lovely voice and an amazing range.  She has 4 octaves, which is quite unusual to begin with but even more unusual for her age.

I had to reschedule my Muglia girls because I have a follow up doctor visit with my primary care physician tomorrow morning and I don't know how long that will be.  This way I won't have to worry about being late and missing the lesson.

Maisy is up here sitting on her stool next to me.  She is such a character.  She brings such love to my life.  I simply adore that little dog so much.  Maisy has a Halloween costume but I am not sure she is going to need it this year.  I can't remember what it was but she looked so cute in it.  She also loves to be on my desk.  I don't know why, she just does.  Her favorite place to sit is on the keyboard too.  I get a good giggle when she does that.  Right now she is lying on her comfy stool looking out the window.  Maisy loves to look out the window.  She does this all day long, especially if I am in the living room.  It is cute when Maisy comes to sit next to me or my student during lessons too.  There are some students that she seems to remember really well.  She loves Natalie a lot.  She lets Natalie pick her up and cuddle her.  She also loves Megan.  The only ones she doesn't love are Bob and Rick as she is not very fond of men.  She barks at Isabella's dad too.  We only have to keep her downstairs when Ryan is having his lesson as his brother, Nick, is afraid of both Maisy and Q.  He is only 4 so that is understandable.  I am sure as he gets older, he won't be so afraid.  I was a bit afraid of big dogs too when I was young.  Now that I live with Q, I am not so bad.  He is a friendly dog and such a sweetie too.

It isn't so cold out today so I don't ache as much as I did the other day.  I have brought out the winter coat though because it is cold enough for it for me.  Tomorrow will be the first day that Maisy and I will be going on a walk.  I am looking forward to that.  I plan to go right after I get back from the doctor so if I need to take a nap, I will be able to.  The leaves are changing colors around here.  Our Japanese maple tree is red right now.  We don't have a lot of trees in our yard but we do have a lot of shrubs.  We also have some really nice flowers too.  Heather BT is a gardener so she is in charge of the yard.  I gladly handed that over to her.  I am far from a gardener as can be.

I am getting a bit tired now.  I think it is time to play words with friends for the day.  It is an on your own dinner tonight as we think the kids are eating at the trunk or treat activity at church.  Both Heather BT and I are not really that hungry to begin with so we have both had something rather light to eat.  She had a bagel burger and I had a peanut butter and honey bagel sandwich.  I love the cinnamon raisin bagels with peanut butter and honey on it.  It is very very yummy indeed.

a Sunny Chilly Day 10-25

It looks so beautiful outside right now.  The sun is shining.  It is also a chilly 43 degrees.  I have pulled out my winter jacket.  Acer is trying out my flute right now.  He hasn't really tried this instrument before so he is a bit frustrated that the sound isn't coming out right away.  Acer will get this, of that I am sure since he is so musical.  He really is quite remarkable when it comes to music.  Acer is also playing the fife right now.  I know there is a book in the house somewhere, I just don't know where.  I know we will find.

Right now, Maisy is sitting next to me on the ottoman stool.  She is so cute when she lays down next to me.  I love when she sits or lies near me when I am on the computer.

I am feeling so much better this week than last week that is for sure!  I have my daily headache but not the terrible neck ache that went with it.  That was just awful.  It really was.  I now have a plan if it happens again.  My neurologist, Dr. R has told me that I can call her even if it is after hours.  That really set my mind at rest.  This way I won't have to go to the ER again if this happens again.  We also have another medicine that works for pain.  It comes in an oral form too not just an IV form.  Dr. R did say that if the oral form doesn't work then she would send me to the hospital for the IV form.

Acer is so full of questions about the cornet that I finally picked up on Tuesday.  He is a happy camper playing this instrument.  He is doing well with it.

I am not feeling so well right now so I am going to go and lie down now.  I took a 2 1/2 hour nap and while I am not as tired as I was before the nap, I am still very tired.  I think I have the most difficulty with the fatigue more than the pain at times although it is because of the pain that I am so tired.

Tilley and Luana are coming tomorrow for a brief visit.  They will be bringing some books home with them too.  Since I have a nook, I am getting rid of most of my books except a few that are special to me like the Anne books and the Harry Potter books.  those are my favorites so I am keeping those plus I don't think either one of them want the books to begin with.

Friday 10-25

Halloween is next week.  It is my least favorite holiday, in fact, if it disappeared completely, I would not mind a bit.  I put up 3 decorations for it.  2 are stuffed ghosts and 1 is a welcome sign that says trick or treat.  that is as close to Halloween decorations that I get.  

It has been a busy week and boy did it fly by.  All of a sudden it is Friday.  Where did the week go?  I am not so sure.  Monday, I had tea with Star and then the rest of the week I was home but I have no idea what I did outside of teach lessons.  Last night I was supposed to meet up with Wendy and Frann but Frann ended up being called into work so we are postponing our outing to next week.  It should be lots of fun.  I haven't seen either one of them in a while so we need to catch up.

I don't have too many plans for the weekend.  I have a couple of lessons and that is about it.  Tilley is planning to come over for a bit and pick up some books.  I have finished Sarah's Christmas song so that is ready for her.  She wanted to change her song to Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy so I needed to arrange it for her as the easiest arrangement I have is still a bit hard for her.  I have it done now.  I have finished Acer's Holly Jolly Christmas so that is good too.  Acer wants drums added but I can't figure out how to add a staff to the song.  I know Bill knows so I will ask him later this weekend.

Tonight was leftover night and well, I really wasn't feeling like leftovers so I went to go and get soup but I changed my mind.  I went to Chipotle instead.  I am so full now.  Their burrito bowls really can be for 2 meals but I ate it in one and boy am I one massively stuffed person.  Like super duper stuffed person.  Like, I can't believe I ate so much person.  I have learned my lesson well.

Maisy wanted some of my dinner but I didn't give her any because we don't give her people food.  If something happens to fall off the table, well, that is different, depending on what it is, but generally we don't give her people food. She has doggie treats she can have too so she is well taken care of.  I tend to be the one to give her the treats more so than anyone else.

I can't believe the holidays are coming up so fast.  I have 1/2 of Calli's, 1/2 of Jacob's, and 1/2 of Matthew's gifts done.  Acer's is up in the air of what I am going to get him.  I am debating between a few things.  The students, I am making ornaments for each of them.  My little cousins will get a little something but I am not sure yet either.  Heather and Bill, I am also not sure of.  Kathy, I know I just have to get it.  In my family, I only get stuff for the littlest ones like Esther, Phoenix, Warren, Elizabeth, Miles, Adrian, Kestral, and Jayson.  I also do get something for Andrew, my brother.  We have so many little ones now.  It is like our family is exploding.  That is what happens when my used to be little cousins grow up though and have children of their own.  It just seems weird to think that Danielle and Kayla used to be the little ones and now they are both moms to 2 children each.  Elizabeth, Danielle's oldest is now 5 and Warren, Kayla's oldest is now 6.  It seems like yesterday they were both just born.  I plan to start picking up a few things here and there for the kids next week.  I buy a little at a time so that I don't have to buy it all in December.  I am actually thinking of making something for each of the kids instead of buying something.  I don't know yet.  I am still in the thinking mode for presents.  I do like making presents a lot, which is why I make my students presents.  I started doing that in the early 90s when I only had a few students.  Fortunately, gone are the days where I had 50 to 60 students to make ornaments for.  Now I just have a few comparatively speaking.  

The students almost all have their songs for the Christmas concert.  Elizabeth is the last one to pick a song.  She will be picking tomorrow at her lesson.  I don't know if Rick is having a lesson this week or not as I have not heard from him.  I must call him tomorrow as well as my new student who doesn't have a time for their lesson yet.  This year is the earliest that I have had everyone or almost everyone having their Christmas music.  I am so glad about that since I don't know when the concert will be yet.  Bill is working on that.  He sets them up at his church.  They are really nice at his church about the concerts.  they let us use the sanctuary for the concerts and the social hall for the receptions after the concert.  That is where everyone gets their Christmas gifts from me.  Everyone has their name on the ornament that I make and the year.  Katie Rose and Danielle S. told me that they have every ornament that I have ever made them still.  I think that is pretty cool.  I know the one year I didn't do ornaments, they were disappointed but they understood why I couldn't, they were just disappointed by it.  I have awesome fabric picked out this year.  It is musically themed and the peanuts characters.  It is just super cute.  Star is going to help with the concert so that my anxiety won't be so high.  That is awfully nice of her.  She has high anxiety too.  I love the concerts but I do get very anxious about them.  I don't give in to the anxiety and cancel them because I believe they are so important to students learning but they can cause panic attacks.  I also generally am very wiped out when I am done with them and often have a bad headache.  Quite frequently, I am in bed right away when I get home after a concert.

Well, I am getting tired so I think it is time for me to get to bed.  I have to get up a bit earlier than usual tomorrow as it is Saturday and I teach in the afternoon for a bit.  My first lesson is at 12 noon and I do hope they are not late.  The last 3 weeks they have been late.  I know they asked about every other week lessons last week so I am not sure if they will be switching to that or not.  Either way, weekly or bi-weekly works for me.  Then I just have Sally's lesson and then I will be done.  Tilley is supposed to be coming over either tomorrow or Sunday.  I am not sure which day so I will find out tomorrow.  I plan on calling her in the morning to see.  I meant to do that this evening but I forgot until just now.  Whoops!  Silly me!

Tuesday 10-22

I forgot to go and pick up the freshly cleaned cornet yesterday.  Yup, I had a disappointed Acer around me.  I did NOT forget again today.  First thing I did when I went out was to go and get that cornet.  They did a nice job cleaning it.  It looks rather nice now and not so worn.  I know he will be a happy camper when he gets home.  Then my brake light came on saying my break fluid was low so I had to go and get that checked out.  It was a little low but we shall see if that light comes on again.  I hope not.  There is only 13,000 or so miles on the little car.  I got the rest of my errands done and came home.

Since I got up rather early, I tried to nap but for some strange reason I couldn't really sleep.  It was very weird but hey, what can I say?  Life is weird and so are my sleep habits.

I went to tea last night.  Acer was so cute.  He says that I have been hanging out with Star too much and I need to take a break.  I think it was because I was going out and I wasn't going to get his cornet from the store.  Either way, I had a nice evening with Star as usual.  She is such a wonderful young woman.  She would be in her biology class right now!  Star is an English major at the University right near town.

I am thoroughly enjoying pulling out the clothes that I haven't been able to fit into since 2007, the pre-Lyrica and Amitryptiline days.  I have on pink jeans, white long sleeve shirt, and the matching pink hoodie.  It is a very cute outfit and I feel very cute in it, if you know what I mean.  I am glad that Heather BT has been encouraging (okay - hiding the clothes she doesn't want me to wear) to care about what I wear and picking better clothing options.  I have several pairs of these type jeans and actually, I need to get a belt as the waist is too big and it kind of falls down when I walk.  I will do that tomorrow when I run my errands.  I would go tonight but it is NCIS night and well, I don't think after teaching I will want to go especially as NCIS will be ready to come on.  I love that show.  NCIS LA will be on tonight too.  I keep forgetting about Castle!  I just remembered that I missed it last night!  I also need to watch the finale of Project Runway online because I was in the hospital when it was on so I missed it.  Thank goodness for online watching!

One of the sewing projects I will be immersing myself into will be a new pair of pajama bottoms as well, mine are ready to fall off me!  It is exciting when that happens!  First up with be the Christmas Ornaments for the students.  I am just not sure what I want to make exactly this year.  I have the material just not the design.  I will be thinking and experimenting this week so I will have a good pattern to use when Star and I start to make them.  Star is also an artist so she may have a good idea of what to make too.  I had thought of making the ornaments in the shape of a bell or a mitten or a stocking.  It really depends on how it works with the material that I have.  I will be experimenting with all three.  I may even start tonight during NCIS.

My big computer is now in the living/music room.  I really like it in here.  It has wifi so I have Internet connection in here.  Maisy has a place where she can sit while I am on the computer if she wants to be in the room with me.  She wanders in and out a lot so it is up to her.  She also likes dark corners so she likes to be under the table too.  Goofy little doggie.  I just love her so much.

It is getting colder out so I had to go and find some socks to wear.  I have been having trouble finding some because of the swelling in my feet, ankles, and legs.  Socks dig into my skin and break open the skin.  I have new socks now to try and they seem to fit okay so I am going to need to buy some more as I only have 2 pairs of these and that won't last long in this weather.  I haven't worn socks since summer so it is kind of weird having the toes covered but they are at least warm, which they weren't earlier.

My neck ache and headache are a bit better today.  I have the usual everyday headache plus a bit of the neck ache too.  It is most definitely not the same amount of pain as it was when I was in the ER last week.  I hope to never have to go through that again but now I know what it is so I can call and make an appointment with the doctor.  I won't need to go to the ER for it.  I hope I am done with the ER this year because I have been in the hospital 2 times so far this year and I would like to think I have had all the visits I am going to have.  That is my hope anyway.

Well, my student has arrived and the call from the bank lady didn't happen so I am hoping that she will call soon because I need to set up another appointment if I can even modify this issue.

Sunday 10-20

I had a make up lesson today with Ryan.  It was my only lesson for the day.  Tomorrow is back to normal schedule with a possible make up with Natalie for Thursday.  I am not sure though as her mom will call tomorrow if Natalie can come.  I hope so.  Then the only lesson I wasn't able to make up would be Isaac's.  It is a bummer, but okay.  I am glad I could make up as many as I did.

I finally finished putting in Finale Acer's Holly Jolly Christmas so he can practice.  He helped me with some and then was timing how long it took to put the notes in the document.  It was pretty funny.  I had done a full page but for some reason it got lost.  I don't know what happened to it but it is done now and that is the important part.  Acer now has his practice CD for his Christmas song.  He is at a birthday party right now for a friend at school.  I am so glad he has lots of friends at school.  The rest of us are at home while he and Heather BT is out.  Calli and I are in the living room.  She is reading and I am on the computer.

I am feeling better now than I was.  My neck isn't sore at this moment and I slept really well (for me) last night.  I only woke up at about 3:30 for about an hour before I fell back asleep.  I did also take a nap for about 4 hours yesterday afternoon.  I meant to sleep for about an hour or two not 4 but I was so tired of not sleeping for 2 days.  I guess I needed the sleep.  I went to bed at regular time last night and woke up at regular time this morning.  Tomorrow I don't have my homeschoolers so I don't have to be up early, thankfully.  I can sleep in to my regular time.

I am so excited to be wearing clothes that I haven't worn in 6 years because they were too tight.  I have on one of my absolutely most favorite outfits.  It is really cute too.  I am looking forward to wearing my really cute jeans with their matching hoodies too.  I am still working on losing more weight, as it is needed, but I have a good start and I am happy about that.

I will be seeing the neurologist this week to follow up with the hospital visit.  I really like my neurologist a lot.  I think the medicine she has me on has helped a lot.  I don't get the super bad headaches during the day at this point, just at night, which, believe it or not, IS an improvement.  Now she is working on the bad ones at the night.  I may have to have nerve blocker injections in my neck this week if my neck continues to plague me.  Right now, it isn't too bad.  I don't know if the injections hurt or not but it is something that we have to discuss.  I am not sure why I have to see Doctor G too the following week about the hospital visit so I probably won't go and see him just Doctor R.  I do need to call Dr. J about the cellulitis as it still is there a bit, I believe.  It hurts a bit and there is still some bleeding so that is not good.  I must have this completely cleared up because it can lead to blood poisoning and well, that is not something I really want to have to deal with.  I am hoping I am finished with this bout of crazy illnesses right now.  It is just insane.  I do get tired of it.  I know with me it is always a matter of when I get sick again, not if I get sick again.  That drives me crazy but there isn't anything I can do about it.

This week's teaching schedule seems to be back to normal, thankfully.  I have about 220 more dollars to save for my hearing aids and then back to saving for the house bill.  The August payment has really thrown us for a loop with how much it jumped to.  It has been insane trying to pay it off.  I am doing the best I can but we are behind a couple of months now and this has not happened in years.  Not too mention that I have to turn in my car in March because it is a lease.  I am hoping to buy this one as I love the little car.  I don't have a lot of miles on it so that is good.

I am involved in a care package exchange on one of my fibro facebook pages and I received my package.  It was awesome.  I will be mailing my package to Connie tomorrow.  I meant to do it Thursday but it didn't happen because of the hospital.  Now I can go and do it.  I also forgot to mail a bill.  I have them taken care of now.  I hope she likes what I got her.  She is very into crafting her own cards so I bought some card stuff for her.  It was fun picking out what to get her.  It really was.  She sent me some super neat stuff too.  I love the cross stitch kit she got me.  I love cross stitching.  I was working on one but it disappeared with the rest of my craft items after mom died.  I was heart broken because it was for my mother.

Friday was the 3 year anniversary of her death.  Because of my adventure at the hospital, I didn't even think about it so I wasn't sad at all.  I am not sad now but I was earlier in the month.  I had one night where I broke down and cried really hard.  I am feeling better now.  I will always miss her that is for sure.  I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't miss her.  I think of the beautiful sky she loved so much, I think of things I am doing, and stuff like that.  I wish she were still here.  I am not saying I would want her to suffer as she was at the end with Alzheimer's, but how she was before Alzheimer's.  That is the mom I want back.  I do miss the mom she became because she was so sweet and adorable, but I also miss the mom I had always known.  The strong lady, the major, the loving mom that she was.  I wonder if she sees me and is happy with how I am doing.  These are the things I think about a lot.  I think she would be happy with how things are with the house.  Even if she was still here, it would have worked out because she would be in the living room and everyone else would be in their rooms.  Her hospital bed didn't fit anywhere else and she really couldn't do the stairs anymore.  I had things planned as best as I could but while I miss her so much, I am glad she didn't suffer too much more.  I am glad she never lost her smile or forgot who I was.  That would be so sad.  A couple of times she did forget who I was but it never lasted very long.  The first time I handled it so badly.  I cried and told her I was her daughter, which made her feel bad about forgetting.  The next time I did better, I just told her my name and in a few minutes she knew who I was.  I miss holding and snuggling with her.  I would sit next to her and snuggle her in my arms.  She was so tiny at that point.  Mom was never very tall but she was taller than me.  Her shoulders had rounded out so she shrunk a bit.  That was why I could hold her and snuggle her.  I miss telling her how much I love her.  I miss asking where is the pretty momma smile too.  I just miss her a lot.

I am going to read for a bit and play my words with friends right now.