It has been over a year

What a difference a year can make.  Last year at this time, things were very different for me.  I was still grieving very heavily.  I cried daily, I so wanted my mother all the time.  I still miss her all the time, don't get me wrong, I just feel that I am not in the depths of despair like I was last year and the 2 years before that since my mother died.  I didn't truly care too much about how my hair looked outside of the ponytail being neat and tidy.  As long as I had clean clothes on, that was all that mattered.  It didn't matter if they were cute or looked nice.  They just needed to be clean.  I weighed 44 more pounds than I do now because of my eating habits.  My sleep habits haven't changed.  I still wake up at all hours of the night and have to get up and walk from the pain.  I wasn't as fiscally responsible as I am not.  I just didn't care outside of teaching.  I didn't care if I lived or died unless I was teaching or with friends.  I just didn't.  I desperately wanted to be with my mother.  It was that bad.  My anxiety was through the roof.

Now, I care what I look like.  I can fit into my really cute clothes and that makes me smile.  I can smile through out the day even when I am not teaching.  I am working on getting the excess weight off.  I eat better, smaller portions.  I care about the side effects of the medicine I take.  I will no longer take the medicine that has side effects of gaining weight.  I just won't.  I don't care what it may help with because in the long run, I cannot afford to gain anymore weight.  That will cause more issues than I already have.  I still miss my mother daily, all day long but it isn't the I want to die to be with my mother that it was.  I enjoy being with friends when we do things.  I have a few more students than I did although I don't have many because I have to be within my limits of what I can do.  I am more accepting of my limits.  I am happier again.  Something I thought I would never be again.  I truly thought I would never be happy without my momma.  She was my best friend and I loved taking care of her.  That was my goal in life to make her life good when she needed help and I did.  That she was taken way too soon is a whole other matter.  Do I still feel bitter at times that she died too young?  Yes, I do.  Am I still jealous of my friends and family who have their moms who are older than mine was, yes.  I probably always will.  It is because I miss mine so terribly.  We did everything together.  Yes, I clung to her probably too much.  Maybe I was too close to her, but it doesn't matter now, she and I are apart at this point and someday we won't be ever again.  That day I look forward to, but I don't want to die anymore like I did up until sometime this year.  Sometime, during this year, it changed.  I began to enjoy life again.  Was it the advent of Maisy?  The advent of Heather BT, Calli, Acer, and Bill?  Or a combination?  I would say all.  Heather BT really made me exam myself and decide what did I want to do.  How did I want to live.  For that I am very grateful and always will be.  My house because a home and not a tomb thanks to 4 people and 2 dogs.  I have learned how to love a dog.  I now know I will never be without a dog if I can help it.  I am thankful Heather BT shares her dog with me.  Maisy is a good fur friend.  The kids bring me joy like my students do.  I love listening to them and my students tell me how their day or week went.  I enjoy teaching even more than I used to.  I do think that having students saved me after momma died.  If it wasn't for them, I would have probably died of grief.  I lived for teaching.  I came alive for teaching and now I am alive in general.  I feel things again after several years of not having any feelings.  I can actually feel anger, hurt, happy, joy, and a multitude of emotions that I couldn't feel after momma died.  The first time I felt anger and hurt was in December.  We had an issue, it was resolved but I felt something.  That was incredible to me.  Before there was really no emotions in me at all.  All I felt was pain, both physical and emotional.  Those were the only things I could actually feel.  I couldn't feel anything else.  Grief took place of everything.  I just wanted to succumb to my grief.  Now, I don't.  Do I still feel grief?  Yes, I will grieve for my mother until the day I join her in Heaven.  There will be bad days too.  I know that.  Her birthday is coming up at the end of the month.  The anniversary of her passing is in October.  My birthday is in April.  Mother's Day is in May.  Maybe I will be able to be more celebratory towards those days and maybe I won't.  I don't know.  I am not there yet.  Time will tell.  Maybe next year I will be at a whole new level of emotions.  I don't know.  Right now, I have baby step ones and that is good.  I am happy or content may be a better word for the most part.  I love the students I have right now.  I love living in my childhood house.  I like my housemates and fur friends.  It is all good right now.  Who knows what next year will bring.  All I know is that I can at least look forward to it now unlike last year when I couldn't.

A possible furry friend for me!!!!

The time has come, for me anyway, to have my own fur baby.  I am worried how Maisy will take this new fur baby, as I love her so much, but hey, I have more than enough love in my heart for them both.  I have seen a fur baby on Petfinders that is near us and I plan to go and check it out tonight with Heather BT.  She has also seen a pet at the local Humane Society.  I just called the Humane Society and the little guy was adopted.  I shall keep a lookout for some more.  I had a dream last night that I had 2 dogs on my bed at night.  Maisy and another although the other was nameless and faceless.  I have a few people to contact to ask about where I may find dogs similar to theirs.  Jessie has a small dog and I want a small dog.

Well, enough about the small critters!  It will happen in good time.  I mean, with the experience I have had with Maisy, I think I am ready to learn more.

I had to take my hearing aids in today.  Apparently, there are some wires that have come loose inside so they are not working really well at all, which means I am back into the deaf world again or at least a hearing loss world.  I have about 30% to 40% depending on the frequency, hearing loss.  I am thankful that I only have that much as I damaged my ears when I was a child.  You see, I didn't want to get in trouble for not wearing a hat, so I didn't tell Momma about my ears hurting.  Well, I had ear infections and they were blocked for about 8 months.  Yup, I am lucky I got any hearing back after that experience.  Believe me, I never did that again.  of course, I had permanently damaged my ears at that point but I did learn my lesson.

Anyways, today has been a pretty good day for me despite the bad headache I have had all day.  I have had it for a couple of days now.  I never really know what it is from so I just chalk it to the Fibro.  I mean, what else can it be?  I have had so many tests that have come back normal so that is why I think the headaches are just fibro related.  My legs have been sore lately, especially the right one at night.  I know it isn't just that sciatica or however you spell it nerve, it is the entire leg.  I often have to get up and walk to and from the bathroom to get it to stop hurting.  Well, last night, the left leg started.  ugh.  It never ends at times.  However, I am determined that this will NOT get me down!  Fibro will not win.  I will.  Because really, I could be in worse shape than I am in.  I really could.  Yes, I have limitations, yes, I have pain that never ends, yes, I have lots and lots of anxiety, but over all, I could be worse so I am thankful that I am not.  That is just how it is.  I try to live within my limitations, sometimes I succeed and well, others I don't.  Today is a day that I did.

My next students should be here shortly.

Lent already

I love the lent season and how people start remembering other people again just like during the advent season.  I just wish it went on all year round and not 2 times a year.  I love the Easter Season a lot, although I will confess that Christmas is my favorite.  I also get to see Kathy again on Easter Sunday so that is also another awesome thing.  I only get to physically see her a few times a year as she lives 2 1/2 hours or so away from me.  Someday, we will live next door to each other again, even if it is in Heaven and many, many years from now.

It has been a rather quiet day today.  I have 2 lessons only since Mary and Dan are having their tomorrow since their mom is still out of town today.  They are such good kids.  They really are.  Since Christmas, they have both been just improving by leaps and bounds.  it was as if playing Christmas music somehow locked the notes into their brains and now they can read the notes like they have been reading forever.  It is beautiful.  They both play very well.  I have hopes of them playing duets soon too.  Dan is very happy playing the Star Wars theme while Mary is playing a fun song too.  She chose the Mission Impossible theme song.  They both still have their classical music to play too, but I like to add other pieces in to make it more interesting and now since they have both gotten their notes down pat, the sky is the limit.  I am quite pleased with them.  Julia will have her lesson tonight.  She was out of town last week and absent the week before because of work.  She is a relatively new student but we are having fun with lessons and she plays very well.  I really like her.

My hearing aids are not working.  They start to work for about 30 or so minutes and then they stop.  I have called the ear doctor and they will call me back tomorrow.  I am not sure if I just drop them off or if I have to have an appointment.  Now that I am used to them, it is weird to go back to not hearing.  I am sure that once it is fixed, I will get used to them again.  I just am bummed that they are not working. I wasted a lot of batteries the other day thinking it was the batteries that weren't working when in fact, it was the hearing aids.  Whoops!  I will buy more when needed.  I still have a lot left so that is good.  It is just weird to go back to the quiet world again after hearing so much more the last few months.  I find I have to turn the music up when the students sing to the CDs again and I don't like that.  I am glad that they worked during competition.  That would have been a nightmare!  But, alas, they did and so it was good.  Sometimes, I think I worry more at times, about things that might happen as oppose to things that did or do happen.  Anxiety!  What a crazy thing to have.  So anyway, I am just waiting for the office to call me back to see what I need to do.

My lessons are over for the day so I can relax now.  I am glad that I mentioned book club in passing to Julia, my last student.  She is an adult piano student and she plays very well.  She is working on a piano solo version of "El Shaddai" and also is playing a sonatina by Clementi, my favorite composer.  I am so glad that she is interested!  This is great!

Maisy has been a barking girl today.  She barks a lot in general, but I still love her soooo much.  I am open to the thought of having my own dog, although I do love Maisy and that won't change.  I will just have 2 dogs to adore instead of one.  Heather BT found one on petfinder, but she doesn't do well with children so I can't get her.  Oh well, there is one out there for me. I know.  Until then I will just love all my love on Maisy.  Speaking of Maisy, she was so cute on Saturday during Ally's lesson.  She was sitting on the chair in the living room.  She had one paw on the arm rest and was looking like she was chilling.  It was so adorable!!!!!  I had to take a picture of her sitting like that.  I need to post it on face book.  I love taking pictures of Maisy.  I have many.  I think I took about 30 of them last month.  She does need to have her picture taken a lot because she does such funny things and I must take pictures of them.

We had pizza for dinner and it is a new place.  It was really good.  We are thinking that we have finally found a new pizza place.  We had a place and then it went out of business.  We were very sad to see it go out of business too.

My headache isn't so bad today as it was yesterday.  I did break down and go and get a pop because I had to.  The withdrawals from caffeine are doing me in on top of the already bad headaches I get.  My thumb has been hurting too for some strange reason.  I don't get it but hey, with fibro, anything can and will happen.  I just try really hard not to let it get me down.  I won't let it win!

Well, time to go and have some tea and read before bed.  I like to read for about an hour or so before I go to bed.  It is a good way to de-anxious the day plus sometimes Maisy comes in the room with me and that is fun too.

Another possible storm? Seriously?

I am officially tired of winter.  I try to be happy with every season, but this winter, well, I am not.  I must confess.  I am very tired of winter and snow.  I am tired of the 100 plus days of below zero temperature and the snow.  Did I mention the snow?  Anyways, spring is around the corner so I am a happy camper about that.  I am such a spring and fall girl.  I really am.  The temperatures are a warmer but not too hot like summer and the flowers are coming in spring.  So yes, I am dreaming of spring.

Yesterday was a bit of a busy day.  I had a couple of lessons and then I had the first meeting of book club.  It went very well even if there were only 3 of us.  I love the first book.  We had such good discussions about it.  It was "a dangerous inheritance" by Alison Weir.  She is a historian from England and does such great work.  It is set in 2 time periods, the first in King Richard III's and the second Elizabeth I's.  I highly recommend this book as it is so good.

After book club, I dropped of Star and then headed to Calli's goal ball tournament.  I loved watching her play.  I really did.  She is so good.  It is a very interesting game and I enjoyed every minute of it.  The roads were not too good when I went home but I knew that because it was snowing when I took Star home and headed to the high school the tournament was at.  Calli's team played again this morning and won a game.  I let her know how proud I am of her.

Today is a quiet day that I really need.  My head hurts pretty bad today and my anxiety is slowing coming down after being up all last weekend.  Lots of time with Maisy has helped it go down.  She is sitting down next to me on "her" ottoman.  I put it there for her to sit on so I won't have to bend over so far to pet her.  I know, I know, laziness at its peak but it works for us.  She can see out much better from there than she can from the floor and I know she really likes the seat a lot because she sits there even when I am not in the room.  Yesterday, she was such a good girl for book club.  She really was.  She did, however, pee in the house from excitement, but Star and I cleaned it up rather quickly.  It happens.  Maisy is a little dog after all and she does get excited.  Maggie has 2 dogs too so she knows all about them and it didn't bother her one bit.  Maisy did bark a bit at Maggie at first but then she stopped.  She barked at Star too until Star petted her a lot.  Then Maisy stopped.  It was like, oh year, I know you, you are my Star.  I like you.  Star also has a dog.  A big border collie named Aztec.  He is such a character!  He really is.  I have only seen Maggie's 2 dogs a couple of times but I remember that they are very cute and a bit bigger than Maisy, who weighs about 18 or so pounds.

Maisy and I went out this afternoon to get a bagel and a drink.  She loves car rides.  She also knows when we are going to Tim Horton's or rather when we are at Tim Horton's.  She gets up near the window waiting for her timbit treat.  They give out plain tiny donut holes to the dogs that go through the drive through.  Sometimes, not always, Maisy gets one when she isn't even in the car!  She waits very politely and then takes the treat and goes and sits in her seat (the passenger seat is hers) to eat it.  Maisy loves them a lot.  Right now the lovely girl is sleeping next to me.

My hearing aid batteries are not working right now.  I tried about 6 pairs before I got some that sort of worked, but now they have died.  In a few I will take them out and put them upstairs since there is no point of wearing hearing aids that have batteries that don't work in them.  I have to call the doctor's office and get some.  I may just pick them up tomorrow at the store when I go and get my bagels for the week.  I also need to get some blank CDs too.  I think that is all I need.  I picked up my magnesium already so I am all set with that.  I won't be in the store too long, just a few minutes.  Oh, I just remembered, I need some sheet protectors too.  I can pick those up tomorrow too.

Painwise, it isn't super bad today except for the headache.  My right leg gives me such trouble at night though.  It really does.  I have to get up and walk sometimes for it to stop hurting so bad for a while.  I am not sure why, but I am thankful it isn't both legs, just the right leg.  I am really tired today too so I think I am going to take the Maisy girl and go take a nap.  I am just really exhausted still from competition last weekend.  It takes so long to recover from it.  It really does.

I hope your day is going well.

Almost March!!!

I can't believe that it is almost March!  I managed to be very careful with my money this month and I have almost paid allllll of the property taxes for 2012 off.  I am just under $100 short so that is good.  It proved to me a few things that I am glad about.

Anyways, last weekend was competition.  Boy, am I glad that is over.  It is a very exhausting weekend for me, very exhausting.  My 6 students who went did very well.  I am proud of them.  They all played and sang their best.  I do have one who is very unhappy with her results.  She and I will be speaking about it at her lesson tomorrow.  Basically, she wanted first in everything and was very unhappy with 2nds and 3rds.  She did get 1 first place in the duet category, but that was it.  I am most unhappy that she is not happy as she didn't really practice that much this year.  She coasted on her natural talent and well, this is the results she got.  If you want first place, practice.  Bottom line.  That is just the way it is.  Competition is hard and you have to work hard to get the results so she and I will be discussing this tomorrow.

I did pretty okay as far as pain went except for Sunday morning.  That was terrible.  My head was so bad it was unbelievable.  I had such a migraine.  It was better by the afternoon.  I think it was because I didn't have much sleep Friday night and same with Saturday night.  I was on the go so much too.  There really was no time to rest and I really need the time to rest.  It is hard to fit it in and I will have to do much better next year.  For now, I am working on recovering from it.  I have been sleeping an extraordinary amount (with the usual wake ups, of course).  Tuesday night I slept 16 hours.  Sunday night I slept for about 14 hours.  I am a 12 hour sleeper to begin with so I was just so exhausted.  Monday night, I went to tea with Star and we had a good time.  We are going to work on Budgets together.  I am proud of how I am doing with keeping up with the bills and not foolishly spending so much money.  I don't use my credit cards very much and they will be going back into the safe.  I only brought one at competition because I might have needed it in emergency but I didn't so back it goes.  Overall, I am a happy camper with how I am doing.  Star is doing pretty well too.  Our downfalls are books though.  That is our downfalls.  I am doing better as I remind myself that I have several books on my nook that I have not read yet so that helps.  I am re-reading one of my favorite series right now too. I went through and re-read all my Anne of Green Gables books.  I love Anne.  She is my all time favorite character.  I just love her and her daughter, Rilla.  Rilla is my second all time favorite character.  After them is Harry Potter and crew.  I love those books too.  I do not have them for my nook yet.  I do not plan to get them anytime soon as I have them all in book form so I do not need them in e-book form.

Maisy is sitting next to me sleeping.  She came with me to run a couple of errands.  I had to go to the bank and the post office.  I could have left the envelope that I needed to mail in my mailbox, but I didn't want to since it was the property tax check so I dropped it off directly at the post office.  We also went to the bank where she got 2, yes 2, treats.  Then we headed to McDonald's for my diet coke, which I am doing horrible on giving up.  After that, we stopped at Tim Horton's for my bagel since we are out of them here at home.  Tonight I am going to the store after Isaac's lesson and getting some bagels, CDs, my prescription, and some magnesium since I am out of it.  I have been meaning to do this all week, but I just didn't want to go out into the cold and get it.  I will tonight though plus I got to take Maisy with me so I didn't want to stop anywhere where she had to sit in the car.  It is just too cold for her to do that.  I only take her with me when I am not getting out of the car like earlier today.  Tonight, I will not be taking the lovely young lady doggie with me.  She will have to stay home with her Mama instead of coming with her Aunt.  I am her Aunt and the other Heather, Heather BT is her Mama.  It works out quite well.

Oh my gosh!  Maisy was such a little ninja yesterday!!!!  So, Acer left his chair out instead of pushing it in when he ran upstairs.  Well, he had food at his place on the table.  Maisy jumped up on Acer's chair and began eating the snack of Acer's.  She continued to eat as Acer came back down, but immediately jumped down when her Mama came up the stairs.  Maisy then ran to me since she was in trouble.  Yup, the ninjaness of Maisy.  One must ALWAYS push one's chair in at the dining room table since she can and will jump up to get food.  She once ate most of my dinner by someone leaving their chair out too.

My headache is a bit sorer than usual right now.  I think it is the anxiety from the weekend leaving my body that is the cause of it.  I had very high anxiety all weekend long.  I expected this.  I usually do during competition.  It takes days to lower the anxiety to the regular amount and with it comes a worse than usual headache.  I am glad that I have had much time to sleep and rest/relax this week.  I plan to take a wee nap before Isaac's lesson.  I am getting a bit overtired again.  I will, again head to bed early tonight.  I don't have to get up early tomorrow so that is good, I can sleep in as much as needed if necessary.  I am just tired of being exhausted all the time and headache and anxious and fibroy.  You know, the works.  I think it gets to all of us every so often.

Well, off to a nap!

A Warm up?

It is a bit warmer today than it has been, not a complete warm up, like supposedly next week, but enough of one that I was glad about.

Maisy and I did some errands this afternoon.  She is such a funny dog.  I just love her.  We did have to drop off some Christmas presents to my friend, Julie, for her children, Emily and Lily.  I know, it is 2 months past Christmas so I am a bit late.  Whoops.  I have been meaning to drop them off but just haven't caught up to Julie to be able to do that so today, I just dropped them off at her work.  She works at a tax office so I figured she would be busy, so I didn't plan to stay.  It was a good thing.  I brought Maisy in because I couldn't leave her in the car, it wasn't that warm plus I HATE leaving her in the car. If I have to leave her in the car, she just has to stay home.  That is how it works.

Today my one lesson was cancelled so it HAS been an all day Maisy and me day without any lessons.  I have 2 tomorrow.  My two little boys are coming tomorrow instead of last Friday.  I am not sure why, but that is okay.  It works.  Next week there will not be any lessons Friday or Saturday as I will be at competition all weekend long.  I just remembered I needed to get Nick new books.  I called the usual place but they are closed, I called another place that is also nearby, they are closed but they still answered the phone.  They are holding them for me at the front desk.  Oh, thank goodness!  I can't believe I totally forgot.  What can I say?  I will have them in time and that is what matters.

Everyone is home now and dinner is in the oven.  I am not that hungry right now but I probably will be when dinner is ready.  We are having chicken Alfredo.  I like it.  It is from Costco.  The kids like it a lot too.

I have been having sleeping issues again.  I mean, more than usual.  My right leg is so sore at night by morning but I feel like I haven't slept at all some mornings.  I know I have but not much.  I slept for about an hour this afternoon although it felt like I didn't sleep at all.  Right after was when Maisy and I went delivering the presents.  I had a nightmare last night that I had the vasculitis again.  I hope to never have that one again.  It is awful, simply awful.  I would have to say it hurt (when peaking) worse than the worst fibro flare, biggest headache, blood clot, or stomach ache ever.  It was so bad.  I don't know why I have been having flashbacks to it lately but I have.  I sure hope it isn't of things to come.  Ugh, that would just awful.  It is definitely something no one wants nor do I ever want it again.

I am more tired than usual today, I think mainly due to my sleep issues this week.  I also felt like I was coming down with a cold but now I think it is going away.  I sure hope so.  I often get a cold when the weather warms up rather than when the weather cools down.  It is strange, I know.  My head doesn't feel as stuffy as it did a couple of days ago, but I still don't feel 100% well either.  I figure by the time competition comes around next weekend, I should be feeling much better.

Decisions and Doggies

A few days ago I was agonizing over some decisions that needed to be made.  Well, I have made them.  I feel much better about it all.  I know what I am going to do and it will help me a lot.  My anxiety has lowered about it too so I know this is the right decision.

I have also realized the benefit of having an animal in my life.  With the introduction to living full time with Maisy and Q, I have decided that as long as I can help it, I will not be dogless again.  I love Maisy so much.  She is such a good little dog and such a pal.  We play together and we snuggle together.  She sits next to me when I am on face book.  I love how she splits her time between Heather BT and I during the day and evening.  It is a wonderful thing.  I never knew how much love I had for such a little, 18 pound furry creature but I sure do.  She is awesome.  I have learned so much just by helping to take care of her.  I also like cats but I have students who allergic and not too mention housemates who are allergic to them so no cats and that is okay.  We have 2 dogs, Calli's guide dog and Maisy.  That is all we need right now.

Sunday!

I am sitting here in my pajamys and loving every minute of it.  I am very tired today.  It is definitely a day of rest.  Maisy is sitting next to me.  Every so often, I pet her and rub her tummy (she loves this a lot).  I got up at about 2 pm today.  I had planned on going to the bookstore with Star but she is exhausted and in the middle of a flare and I am so exhausted so we will go another day.  It is just weird because we go almost every week and this past week we didn't go at all!  It is okay.  I talk to her by text almost every night.  I also talked to Kathy today, so that was even better!  It has been a quiet week.  I had one new student and one student quit.  That balances each other out a bit, although the student who quit was a 45 minute lesson and the new is 30 but all in all in works.  I have another new one this week too.  I usually have just enough to help pay the bills so that is good.

Right now I am also watching the men's skating in the Olympics.  I am glad that they are showing more than just the Americans.  I just saw an Italian skater.  He did really well.  The American, Jason Brown is on right now, and he is doing well.  The music is beautiful too.  It is Irish or Celtic.  One of the two but it is lovely.

Painwise, this week has been up and down.  I am working on giving up diet coke but I had such a bad headache on Wednesday that Bill bought both Heather BT and I pop because we were both dealing with the caffeine headache of giving up pop.  I had a small one yesterday because of the same reason.  I figure that after a few weeks I won't need one anymore and then, i will be diet coke free!  That is the goal, anyway!  I haven't had too much of any flares this week, which is good, but my friend, Star, sure has.  She is in the midst of one right now.  We were tentatively planning to go to tea today but neither of us is really up to it.  Her insomnia and flare are throwing her for a loop and my exhaustion is throwing me for one too.  We will go later in the week.  It is just weird to miss a week since we have been going weekly for a long time now.  It has been just way too cold to go this past week.  I hope this next week is nice and not so snowy or cold.  I am tired of both already.

Well, my mind is totally on the Olympics now so off I go to watch them.  I love watching the skating so much!

so much to say and I don't know how to say it

It has been a painful couple of days both emotionally and physically.  I don't know that when I am upset, my physical pain goes right along with it and boy, has it.  I have a headache today but the body aches are bad.  I didn't get up until 2 pm.  My legs were so sore at that point so I looked at my clock and no wonder, it was 2 in the afternoon!  So I got up and ready for the day.

I have 3 lessons for the day of which I am very thankful.  Lessons make my day so much better.

I have been thinking about happiness and how we go about getting it.  I am basically a happy person.  Yes, I was upset and grieving deeply when my mother died, I grieved deep and very hard.  It took a few years before I was better about it.  I will say that I have days where I still grieve deeply for her.  I miss her all the time and everything reminds me of her.  Since we were together all the time for the last several years of her life, how could things not remind me of her?  We were always together.  I brought her everywhere with me.  It was just better that way.  Anyways, I am basically a happy person.  I don't believe another person can make you happy but I do believe that they can add and subtract from your happiness.  I think it is a choice, at times, to be happy.  Yes, I also believe that there are many things around you that influence your choice of whether to be happy or sad.  Right now I have some decisions that need to be made and they are hard ones but they need to be made.  That is difficult for me because I have a hard time with conflict.  I generally will do anything to avoid conflict but this is getting to me and I have to do this.  I need prayers with this.  I also need the words of what to say.  It is important to me that I say these things right and not angrily or hurtful.

the snow begins again in February!

It is the first day of February and it is snowing a lot again.  We are supposed to be getting about 6 or so inches of snow when all is said and done along with some possible rain.  Yeah, rain.  On top of the snow.  Everyone is home now.  Bill is out snow blowing the snow and Acer is about to practice piano.  Heather BT and Calli just arrived home too.  Maisy and I have been holding down the fort for the day.  I love our days together, the Maisy girl and I.  She is such a good little doggie.  We snuggled together this morning in my room and then sat next to each other here in the music room at the computer.  She is a very good companion.

Surprisingly, I am not aching as much as I expected today with the weather and all.  I do have a bit more of a headache than usual, which I expected, but other than that, it is just the regular aches and pains.  I am surprised about that.  I expected more aches and pain in this damp, cold weather.  It is a happy surprise though and I am not complaining!  I am more tired than usual, which I expected because of the weather.  I may be heading for a nap shortly, not that that is unusual for a Saturday afternoon.  Often, by the time Saturday rolls around I am very tired and need to catch up on my sleep.

All 3 of my lessons cancelled today.  I was very disappointed.  Megan is going to make hers up though tomorrow so I am really glad about that.  I also have Becca's lesson tomorrow, which makes me very happy too so all in all, it isn't a horrible weekend as far as lessons go unless the weather gets bad tomorrow and they all cancel again.  According to the weather forecast, it is supposed to be warmer tomorrow and no rain or snow.  I am glad about that.  I am hoping for another make up with Ally tomorrow too.  I have messaged her mom so we shall see what her schedule is like for the day.  I know they are very busy.

I hope that this month's weather is much better than last months, that is for sure!

Competition is in 3 weeks now.  I am getting rather nervous for some of my students.  Sarah H is perfectly ready.  Acer helped her with the one place she races and she will be working on it this week.  The duet is what I am most worried about.  Both know their parts but have not practiced enough together.  I am hoping that they will get together this week.  It is in 3 weeks!  Acer is, of course, very ready.  Isabella is almost completely ready as well as Sammy.  Sammy is ready so that is good.  I have 6 going this year.  I had hoped for more but that is okay.  Whoever wants to go is fine with me.  The only thing I expect is for you to practice and do your best, which I must say that my students do do.  They do work and practice for competition.  I am not quite ready as my job is almost done.  I was to get the pianos this year.  My job won't be complete until competition because that is when the pianos will be delivered.  I also work at the awards ceremony too.  I double check the names with the trophies that the students come down the stairs with.  I sit in my little scooter and that is what I do.  It should be an interesting weekend.  It always is.  My kids usually do pretty well so we shall see what happens this year.

Well, I am seriously thinking that a nap may be in order soon.  I am tired but not super tired but tired enough for a nap.

Finally, a brief warmup!

It is a balmy 25* today.  Believe me, since it has been (with the windchill) below zero for most of the month, this IS a warm up.  It is supposed to be around this temperature the entire weekend with the chance of more of the white stuff, snow, coming down on Saturday.  Ugh.  The kids are finally back in school today.  The have had 8 snow days so far this month.  Combine this with weekends and the holiday, I think they have been in school about 10 or so days so far this month.  I know Calli was convinced last night that there would be another snow day.  I am sure she was a rather disappointed young lady this morning when that, in fact, did not happen.

I have been staying in and keeping warm as best I can but last night cabin fever got to me.  I had to go out despite how cold it was.  It was about 16* so it wasn't too bad.  I picked up Star and we went to the bookstore, she too was getting cabin fever.  We had tea and some giggles.  We both read some stuff too.  I totally forgot to get my Sarah and my Mary their gift cards.  I will for next week.  I get paid on Monday so that will be good.

I asked Heather BT and Acer to come and listen to Sarah play her piano piece for competition.  I knew if anyone could hear a mistake, it would be Acer.  I was right.  There was a slight part where she raced her music.  We are talking super slight, but thankfully Acer heard it.  He let her know and then they went down to the electric piano and he found the proper speed and she played it again.  Sarah now knows where she races and will take care of the issue.  I am so proud of her.  She plays with such heart and passion.  I am proud of Acer too for helping and it isn't just that he helped, it was the way he helped.  He was kind and compassionate, not mean.  Acer was talking to her in a helpful, understanding method, which is great.  He will make a great mentor one day.

This very cold weather has made me ache a lot more than usual but I do expect it in winter.  I hope that February brings better weather for us.  This extreme cold has had the kids out of school for 8 days so far this month alone.  I do hope that they don't have anymore snow days because they already have to lengthen the school day as it is.  Too many more and they will be in school even longer.  This would also mess up my teaching schedule so that is why I don't want anymore snow days.

I have had major IBS issues these last few weeks.  Oh my.  It is awful.  I finally took some over the counter stuff.  I hope it helps.  I am exhausted and sore from it.  I do hope this bout is over.  I need some rest from this stuff.

Heather BT and I are going to give up our beloved soda.  She loves Mt. Dew and I love diet coke.  We both really need to for health reasons.  Diet is so bad for you on so many levels and Mt. Dew isn't good for you either so she and I will encourage each other and drink more water and better stuff for us.  That is what we are doing.  We figure if we do this together, then it will be easier to encourage each other.  I had to agree with the encouraging part.  That has always been my failure.  I have tried to give up diet coke before and failed miserably.  This time, however, I will not announce that I am doing this publicly on face book like I did before.  I am doing this on the quiet side this time.

I have set the date and time for the first book club meeting.  I have the first book announced.  I am quite excited about this too.  I haven't had a book club in a long time and I really hope it goes well.  I will have some refreshments and treats (like a tray of veggies and dip and maybe healthy chips and salsa) ready.  This should be a fun afternoon time.  Kathy might even be able to come!!!!  I sure hope so.  She won't know until closer to the date because you never know with a family of 6 like hers!  I am just hopeful that she can.

Well, it has been a rather nice day here with my lovely Sarah's lesson and then 2 more in a bit.  Isaac is a young man who just turned 13 and Natalie is a young lady who is 13 almost 14.  Natalie is going to competition also this year.  This will be her 2nd year competing.  Isaac has a commitment on that weekend so he is not going.  I am going to play words with friends for a few minutes before Isaac arrives.  I plan to have a nice tea and read in my room this evening after dinner and lessons.