My Broken Heart

Maisy died yesterday.  The faithful, beautiful, wonderful, goofy, frustrating at times, little dog.  She was such a good companion.  We had driven to visit my brother, Andrew.  I was so excited that he was finally going to meet Maisy face to face.  Little did I know what was to happen.  She started throwing up and throwing up.  She threw up in the driver's seat, the passenger's seat, and the rear driver's seat before she because lifeless.  We cleaned her up and the car and quickly headed home.  I was holding her.  We stopped at a service center on the 401 and laid her on the grass.  A nice couple came around and asked if they could help.  They went into the service center and found a vet.  He came out and tried to save Maisy, but it was too late.  She was gone.  I am trying to hold it together.  I am doing okay most times.  I have a few lessons tonight so that will be good and then I have to clean out my car as it is a mess and we had to sit on garbage bags last night on the way home.  I don't have much else to say except my heart was buried last night with Maisy.  I loved that little dog so much.  I am so thankful to my housemate Heather BT for sharing her with me.  I learned what it was like to love a dog and have a dog love me back.  I am so glad I was the crazy one who took so many pictures of her.  I have so many.  I am going to share some at the end of this post.  I will miss my sweetheart who would ride in the car with me.  Since I now know all about her and her love, I will pass it on.

I miss you Maisy.  I will love you forever and someday we will be together again.

Day 2 of doctors

I had the eye specialist yesterday.  I need new contacts and glasses.  No, this was not a surprise.  I knew I needed them.  Street signs are getting harder to read.  What I did forget is that I needed a driver because he wanted to dialate my eyes and I drove myself.  Yup, what was I thinking?  I wasn't.  Anyways, he said it wasn't any big deal, he will just do it when my contacts come in so I will need a driver that day.

Today, was the ear doctor to check on my hearing aids.  She adjusted a few things and now some levels have been turned up so I am good to go.  I am glad I got them, although I was skeptical when I first got them.  I wasn't sure they helped until the week they had to be sent to the factory for fixing.  Then I couldn't hear so I knew it was a good thing to have them.  I don't have to go back until November now.  I am glad.  That will be a year for me having these.

Tomorrow is a new doctor, the endocrinologist.  I have never seen this doctor so everything is new to me at this practice.  Because of the prolactinemia, I have to see him.  I couldn't really even tell you which one I am seeing.  I have it written down though so that is good.  I am not sure what all will happen, like will I have more blood tests tomorrow or not, but I will find out, that is for sure.

Lessons are on the low side and have been since Christmas.  I lost a few students at Christmas because of moving and such and they never got replaced so I am really on the low side.  I can only teach so much as it is.  With the amount of cancellations I have had since January, wow, it is no wonder I am not stretching my dollars as well as I was.  I have looked at my schedule and with some recent changes, I have some openings again.  I have opened up some spots on the takelessons.com page so I am hoping they get filled soon.  I need a certain amount to be able to pay the utility bills and the taxes as well as the doctor bills, which haven't been paid since March.  It is not good, but I know it will get better.  It always works out in the end.  I am just thankful for what I have.  My needs are met and my wants are few.  I am happy with what I have.  If I want something else, I save for it.  Like right now, I am going to be starting to save for a couple day trip to Kalamazoo to see Kathy.  That is on my list of things I want to do.  I like going to see her in the summer, because really, I only see her about 3 to 4 times a year at the major holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Easter, and once during the summer.  I am hoping she will be able to take a weekend and come to visit us, but if she can't, that is okay too.  With four children and a hubby, plus work inside and outside of the home, she is very busy and I totally understand that.  I like to stay in a hotel that has a pool so the kids can come and swim sometime during the visit.  Otherwise, Kathy and I spend the whole time together.  It is just so much fun to have some Kathy time.  Other than that, I foresee a couple of day trips to see my younger brother, Andrew and maybe some cousins but that is about it.  I hope to see my Aunt Michelle and Uncle John soon too.  I have many Sundays off and that is my rest and visiting day.  I am thinking of going to see Andrew on Sunday.  I am not sure yet.  It is a 2 hour drive there but that is okay.  I don't mind.  He is definitely worth the drive.  I haven't physically seen him since September and that is a long time to go for not seeing my brother.  I do text him quite a bit but that is not the same as seeing him in person but if I have to choose between texting or no contact, I will take texting.  His are short and that is okay.  I know he is doing well and that is what matters.

I am very tired tonight and I foresee myself going to bed rather early.  With having to get up early yesterday and today, it has been extra exhausting plus I have to get up early again tomorrow.  3 days in a row is very tiring for me.  What was I thinking?  I wasn't, I know.  I just wasn't.  I made these plans without consulting my planner but I won't do that again.  I will try to have my planner with me at all doctor appointments in the future.  I can sleep in on Friday and I will definitely need it by then.  I don't want to have a crash happen to me.  Most of the time when a crash happens, I end up in the hospital and I don't want that to happen.  I am working on staying healthier so I don't have to go into the hospital.

My headache is pretty bad right now since I am so exhausted.  I taught a couple more lessons than usual because of make ups too but that didn't increase my headache, the exhaustion did.  I have to be so careful about things like because my headaches can get so bad.  The rest of the pain is just the regular pain, nothing increased so that is good.

Well, time to head off to bed for a bit of light reading and then lights out!

5-23

I have 3 doctor appointments in a row next week.  What WAS I thinking?  On Tuesday I see the Eye doctor, on Wednesday, the ear doctor, and on Thursday the endocrinologist.  I will be wiped out by Friday.  I must remember to start bringing my planner to doctor appointments so I don't do this again.  I am looking forward to seeing the eye specialist as I have never have seen one and I have macular degeneration in both eyes.  I also don't think they are seeing as well as they should either.  I will wait and see what the doctor has to say.  The ear doctor is just the 6 month check up on my hearing aids.  It shouldn't be a problem at all.  They work fine and I believe they are now turned all the way up.  The endocrinologist is a new doctor for the prolactinemia.  He will let me know whether or not I need a MRI for the tumor on my gland, which causes the prolactinemia.  He will also deal with my thyroid, which doesn't work at all.  All in all, it will be an insane week but I am glad the week is finally here.

There is no school today so all the kids are home.  I do hope Emily is still coming for her lesson.  It is a holiday weekend and I haven't heard otherwise, but still, I worry because it is a holiday weekend.  Last week, Emily had an hour lesson.  She is doing very well.  A little shaky on her concert song, but it will still go well.  I have the program finished.  I never print before Saturday because of changes that can happen at the last minute.  I have really nice paper I am printing the program on.  Since there are only 16 numbers, there is only one act and no need for a fancier program.  Just a simply one pager will do.

Maisy had a bath today.  She really does well when she is getting her bath.  Maisy is very patient and let's Heather BT bathe her.  She looked so cute.  I have two pictures of her that I need to post on face book.  She has curly fur.  I never realized how curly until just now when it was wet.  It looks so cute.  She is just a cute girl to begin with.  So, I learned how to bathe her, in case I need to in the future or for when I have my own little dog.

Megan just finished her lesson.  She is singing, "I Enjoy Being a Girl", for the Spring Concert, which is Sunday.  I know it isn't the best time to have it but in reality, is there ever a weekend that everyone will ever be able to make it?  No.  This was the best for us since April and May were so crazy busy.  I still have the majority of my students attending so that is good.  I am happy about that.

I have noticed in the last few weeks that my diet coke habit is getting bigger.  I find myself drinking more of it.  Well, time to cut that down.  I am also trying to work on only eating when hungry, not just cause the clock says it is time to eat.  This is a toughy for me so it will take some work.  I have continued to lose weight, but I need to make sure it continues in the proper direction, down, not up.

Painwise, it is a normal pain day.  My headache is the same as usual, nothing more than usual.  I am more lightheaded than usual for some reason.  It might be the getting used to the new medicine.  I don't know.  My right leg still continues to plague me at night.  It is going to for a while more, I think.  At least it is only that leg and not both.  That would be bad.  One I can deal with, two is horrifying.

Well, Emily should be here soon.

Sunday, A Day of Rest?

It is a quiet Sunday for me.  I have no lessons, which in itself is not too unusual as I often don't have lessons but we have been busy for the last few Sundays so to be home on a Sunday is unusual, very unusual for me.  I am enjoying the peace and quiet, well as quiet as a house can be with a 9 year old boy and a 14 year old girl in it.

Pain level isn't too high right now including my daily headache.  It is about the average pain level.  My right knee has started with something rather weird but that was this morning and seems to be okay now.   Bodies are so weird with fibro, with how the pain migrates from area to area.  It is such a mystery to me how it does that.  I just try to go with the flow.

Yesterday, we had book club.  I try to keep my life as "normal" as I can with this fibro stuff.  I do tend to sleep more than an average person but that is because I wake up every couple hours so I never get a perfect nights sleep.  It is just the way it goes.  I am not up during the day as long as an average person because of my sleep habits but for me, that is okay.  If you don't like it, too bad.  It is my life, my illness, not yours.  So, as I was saying, I try to do interesting things in addition to teaching.  Now, I don't teach as much as I used to, no where near as much as I used to, but I am thrilled I can still teach.  It is hard to remember what I used to be able to do and what I can do now, but whatever, that is the way it has to be.  I have tried to live within my limits and that is what I am learning to do.  Sometimes, I over do it, yes, but that is the way we all learn, right?  The book this month was the Great Gatsby.  I was bored but I got the point of the book.  Star had written some very thought provoking questions that really got us some good conversation.  I like that.  We aren't the book club that talks about the book for 5 minutes and then talks about every thing else too, nope, we talk about the book.  We did talk about the shallowness of the people in the book and compared it to the shallowness of people today, which was very interesting.  Comparing the 1920s to today was interesting.  I was sad that several people had to miss, but with busy schedules these days, we will never pick a day that everyone is available or if we do, it will be a fluke.  The next book was picked by Star, "Lost Lake", by Sarah Addison Allen.  I have it and have been waiting for book club to read it.  Star has read it and loved it.  It was her choice this month.  I really want everyone to choose a book because that adds more flavor to the books we read.  Now, I have to contact everyone and let them know what book we are reading and when we are meeting.  It should be a good time, it always is.

Summer is coming and I am really hoping it isn't too slow with absences as bills must be paid.  That is the bad side of fibro and the lack of being able to work full time.  Stretching money to pay bills.  I am learning to be thrifty.  It is something that my momma tried to teach me over the years but I didn't quite get.  I get it know and I find that I don't want as much materialistic stuff as I used to.  I don't deny myself much.  If I want something, I save for it, just like if I need it.  Right now, I am saving for a couple day vacation to go and see Kathy.  It is something I want to do and I am saving money for the hotel to stay at to see her.  i think we will get pedicures again this year.  I will save for that too.  Maybe manicures too.  I don't know, we will see.  Maybe we will shop for a couple of outfits or something instead or do something we have never done.  I don't know.  It is a toss up but that is why I am saving the money so I can do something and if we don't?  That is okay because the most important thing is for us to be together.  I enjoy going to visit her and her family.  I try to choose a hotel that has a pool so the kids can come and swim.  I prefer one with a restaurant but those cost more so it is okay that I don't because to choose between the pool and the restaurant, I will choose the pool.  There are several restaurants in the area where she lives we can go to together and we do.  Generally, the kids come and swim a bit and then Kathy and I spend time together.  Last year, we borrowed Matthew's game system to watch Game of Thrones and it was a good time.  Then we went out to dinner and watched more Game of Thrones.  Maybe we will do that again, maybe we won't.  It is hard to say with us.  The important thing is being together and having fun.

So far, our weather has not been spring like.  It has either been in the 50s or high 80s.  It is such an unusual year for us, with the super cold winter and the cold spring.  We are about a month behind in the blooming in our plants and I fear the last rose bush my momma planted is dead.  There is no growth what so ever in it.  I am sad as that was one we were keeping as a memorial to my momma but if it is dead, it is dead and there is nothing I can do about it.  Nothing whatsoever.  It is just the way it is.  Heather BT is very good with flowers and plants so I am leaving the outside to her.  She just looks at a plant and it grows.  I have a plant from Maia and Tilley that I got in the hospital last year that is still alive, thanks to her.  I would have either over or under watered it so it would not have survived.  Thankfully, she is an expert and it is thriving well.  I do hope we don't go straight to the super hot weather as I tend to ache more in the extreme heat and the extreme cold.  Both are bad for me but since I am not in charge, I will just have to deal with what we get, I suppose.

Next Sunday is the spring concert.  I am not ready.  I will be by the time it arrives but right now, I am not.  Star is going to make the program, I just have to collect what everyone is playing or singing.  I have a few students who will not be in it, which I expected since it is a holiday weekend and also, there is never a concert everyone will attend.  I am excited about the concert, just not ready for it, teacher-wise yet.  I am trying to keep my anxiety down on this one too so I don't raise my anxiety or my pain level as concerts tend to do both.  i refuse to give in and not do concerts, but I must prepare for the concert a head of time to keep anxiety down.  Anxiety is so annoying at times.

Well, on to either words with friends or cleaning out my drawers.  I am not sure which.

It isn't Cancer!!!! 5-16

I am so thankful!!!  On Wednesday, I had the mammogram and the breast ultrasound and it is not cancer!  The pain that has been coming and going must be from the lovely prolactinemia.  Such a strange thing.  Also, the lightheadedness and the nausea can be caused by that too, of which, neither has gone away.  I know, I know, it takes time, but still, I am such an impatient person!  I want results now!  I will try to be patient with these things.

I woke up this morning at 5 am and I felt like I could take on the world.  Well, by 6 am, I was back asleep and when I woke up at noon, I was exhausted.  So goes my day.  Nothing new here.  I did read a bit this morning before I went back to sleep because I couldn't sleep.  I didn't really want to go downstairs and go on the computer so I read.

My daily headache is a bit worse than usual today, but definitely not as bad as yesterday when I had to lie down for a while.  It was so bad.  I have given up on break through meds because at this point, they are not helping one little bit.  Not one bit so there is no point in suffering through an awful shot if it isn't going to work, right?  If it gets super bad, I am to call my neuro and she either calls in a prescription or sends me to the ER for the IV form of the meds that finally worked when I was in the ER last fall.  I get so tired of the ER at times.  Fortunately, in 2014, I have not been in one at all!  It is a record so far this year.

I only have 2 students tonight, Acer and Emily.  Acer is finished with his lesson.  He is such a musical young man.  Emily will be here in a bit.  She plays piano.  Tonight she is coming for an hour to make up for missing last week because of traffic and other obstacles in the way.  This will work out well because next week is the spring concert and we need to work on her song a lot so an hour will be just fine for us.  Em is such a sweet girl.

Tomorrow, I am so excited because my Amy is back!  She was out of the country for about 7 months and now she is back!  She would have been back last week but we had the wedding so that was important.  It is also book club tomorrow.  I wonder what everyone thought about the book.  I will tell what I thought after book club, not before.  I do hope that everyone is able to come.  I love book club and we actually do talk about the book, which, I understand, many book clubs don't.  We are just weird that way.

I am really tired now.  It is just crazy how tired I am now.  I have a short break before my Emily will be here and then I can crash for the night.  I probably won't since I haven't had dinner yet, but I could.

It's really strange but I have had a sore throat for 5 days now.  It is only on the right side, though, which is good, but it is strange.  My right ear is starting to hurt now too.  This is not looking good.  I am not up for an ear infection or a cold or anything else right now.  However, should I end up with something like that, I will rest and do what I need to do.  I'm just hoping to pass over this.  Star is rather ill right now.  She has a bad head cold and actually had to cancel a performance tonight because of it.  I felt so bad for her.  She so wanted to perform tonight at the art show but she is just too sick.  Star is a beautiful dancer.  I haven't seen her dance in years but I am hoping to see her in some of the shows she has coming up.  Star only just recently started back to dance.  I am hoping that when I get down to a reasonable weight to be able to go back to dance.  That is my dream.  I do not, however, want to go back to pointe.  I don't think my hips will like that so that is okay.  I love contemporary ballet or lyrical jazz best anyway and you don't need toe shoes for those.  I miss dance.  I wish I hadn't quit but the fibro was so bad, I had no choice.  I just couldn't do it anymore.   I really couldn't.  The pain just got too much for me to handle.  Now that the pain is a bit more manageable at times, I am dreaming of the day I can dance.  The meds take the edge off of the pain so that helps me through the day, although my day is sooooooo much shorter than the average person, it is still my day.  I sleep a lot, or rather, I spend a lot of time trying to sleep as I wake up about every 2 or so hours.  Sometimes, my best sleep is between 6 am and 12 noon to 1 pm.  It is just the way it is.  So, sometimes, I spend 12 to 14 hours trying to sleep.  I am a 12 hour sleeper and I pretty much always have been.  I know some people say I sleep too much but I have tried sleeping less and I find after a couple of days of it, I end up crashing and burning and sleeping the whole day and night away so this way is better.

My leg pain is not doing any better.  I am thankful it is only the right leg and not both.  I don't know why it happens, I have tried many different things but nothing seems to work.  It is not coming from my back, that I have figured out.  It is my leg because it is the lower part at first and then it raises to the thigh.

Well, Emily will be here shortly and I want to get some stuff done before she gets here.

One answer to a test

I had some blood tests last week and I had to redo one because the levels were high.  I was unable to shower or touch my chest before the blood test and I had to fast for this test.  Well, the results were the same, high.  I have proactinemia.  I have to take some medicine for the rest of my life to keep the levels normal.  It is caused by a tumor in one of my glands.  Usually, the tumor is not cancerous.  I have to see a new doctor.  He/she will decide if I have to get an MRI to see if it is cancerous.  The doctor said not to worry about the tumor at all, so I am not.  I will have a mammogram and an ultrasound next week to see what the fibroids are in my breast.  I already have the thing where the lining of my lungs are inflamed.  I have pain there all the time, it is normal.  The pain I had a couple of weeks ago was something I have never had nor have had since.  I am not looking forward to the mammogram.  They hurt no matter your size.  I have come to that conclusion, it doesn't matter whether you are big or small, it hurts to be squeezed like that.  The ultrasound will hurt if they press to hard because of the lining of my lungs pain.  All in all, I am not looking forward to that day but I am looking forward to the answers.  One good thing is that I have not had the super sharp pains since those couple of days.

My normal headache is a little above normal pain levels right now.  I am tired.  I got up earlier than usual to meet my friend, Jen for lunch.  I love how we meet every 2 to 3 months to catch up on each other's life.  We had 2 wonderful hours together that were full of laughter and much chatter.  I showed the new pictures I took of Maisy, the little Brussels Griffon Dog and she showed me pictures of the kids.  She has 4 children, ages 12, 11, and 4.  The 12 year olds are twins.  It was a fun time.  Jen is also in book club with me too but she will be unable to make it next week as she will be out of town.

This Sunday is Mother's Day.  I get so sad on this day as my momma passed away in 2010.  I don't know if my younger brother is going to her grave or not but I just can't.  I don't know if I will ever be able to see it in person.  I have seen what the stone looks like in pictures.  Every year, he plants new flowers but I just can't go.  She isn't there, I know that.  But still, I just can't deal with it.  I have a hard enough time with her birthday, the anniversary of when she died, and Mother's Day that adding to go and see her grave puts me over the limit of what I can handle.  So, I will spend Mother's Day with Star and her mom.  We are going to tea and it shall be fun.  We will remember her grandmother, who passed away last year, and my momma.  I miss mine so much.  I don't think there is a day go by that I don't think how much I miss her.  I miss the momma she was before Alzheimer's and the momma she became with Alzheimer's.  I was her caregiver and I am glad was.  There was good times and bad times during my caregiver days but overall, it was good and I am really glad I got the chance to spend all that time with momma.  It is something I will never regret.  I just wish I got to spend time with her now.  Alzheimer's took so much away from her and from us but then again, is there any disease that doesn't take something away?  I don't think so.  I think all diseases take something away from the person who has it.

Saturday is my friend's wedding.  Kathy will be there!  I am so excited to see her at the wedding!  It should be lots of fun!  I think so anyway.  I am hoping that my head will be in good shape and that I will be well rested to attend the wedding and the reception.  I generally avoid receptions because of the sensory overloads but with Kathy there, I just have to go.  My wanting to spend more time with her out weighs the sensory overload watch level.  I may pay for it on Sunday but as I am going to tea later in the day, I will have time to recover and if I need to cancel, they would totally understand but I think I am planning the couple of days well.

Well, it is almost dinner time.  I have to go and pour the milks for everyone.  That is my job.

When New Pain is Not Fibro 4-28

Last Thursday morning at about 3 am, I woke to some very, very, very sharp pain on the right side of my chest.  It was simply awful.  I knew it was new and different.  I knew it was NOT fibro.  There are no muscles in that area where it hurt to have fibro pain.  I had an appointment with my arthritis doctor that morning so I went as scheduled.  I hadn't planned on saying anything because well, this was my breast, not my arthritis but when she asked if there was anything new, I told her.  She instantly became concerned and asked to see it.  There seemed to be a bit of a discharge, clear, but she saw it.  I didn't but she did.  I was told if it did not stop within 24 hours I was to call my doctor immediately for an appointment.  It didn't stop so on Friday I made an appointment for Monday.  It DID finally stop on Saturday night so that was good.  As for the discharge, it stopped on Thursday.

So this morning, bright and early, and I mean bright and early for me (9:30 am) I got out of bed to be at the doctor's for 10:30 am.  Well, Dr. J examined me and I now have to go for a mammogram and an ultrasound.  She didn't make any diagnose or guess to what it could be, for which I am thankful.  I don't know if it is anything serious or not, but she is not saying anything until the studies are done.  I really appreciate that about her.  She gets the tests done, then she diagnoses what is wrong.  I really like this doctor a lot.  She did feel some fibroids and there was some pain when she examined me but the pain could have been fibro because if you touch my sternum or my ribs or anywhere around there too hard, it hurts because the lining of my lungs are always inflamed.  It is just the way they are.

May 14th is my appointment, thankfully at a relatively later time.  It must be done at the local hospital because it is a study that must be done.

It was a nice week, last week.  I had most of my lessons, which is nice since I had sooooo many absences for the month of April that it was a tight month, financially speaking.  I had a beautiful Easter weekend with Kathy.  I saw her on the night before Easter and on Easter Sunday.  The Saturday night was just her and I.  We went out to dinner and laughed and giggled the whole time.  It was lovely.  We went to Red Robins and lets just say, boy did I eat enough for 2 meals.  We had cheese sticks, cheese burgers, fries, and oreo shakes.  Yup, definitely too much food.  Then on Sunday, I went to her parents' house with her and her family for dinner.  Her mom is a great cook so dinner was really good too.  Kathy's kids seemed happy with the bag of candy I bought them.  Acer and Calli were happy with their I-tunes cards too so all in all, children were happy.  That is the main thing, happy children.  This weekend, Bill, James, and Heather cleaned out and organized the sun porch and the garage, or at least 1/2 of the garage.  It looks so nice with the stuff on shelves and everything.  Now we have to go through my boxes to see what we really need to keep and what I don't need to keep.  Because of tax purposes, I must keep some store stuff for 7 years so we are in year 6 after losing the store so in December of 2015, the boxes can be shredded and forgotten!  I can't wait.  No more store stuff.  It seems like a million years ago that I owned a music store.  I don't miss it anymore.  I don't even miss the busyness of it.  I also don't miss the 15 times I was in the hospital from November 2007 to February 2009.  I only owned it from February 2006 to August 2008 so it did take a major toll on my health that I had not expected.  I am much better now in the way that I can rest in between lessons, and I am so much less stressed over employees who wouldn't do their jobs or listen to how to do their jobs.  I am just glad it is finally over and will be even more when the last of the paperwork can disappear.

Yesterday, I went to Windsor to see Tilley.  It was mostly a nice visit.  A few complaints from her but not too bad.  I am glad.  The plan for Mother's Day is to have a potluck at her house.  It should be rather fun.  Andrew is coming too.  I haven't seen my brother since September so I look forward to seeing him.

As far as Fibro pain goes, nothing out of the ordinary right now.  It seems the breast pain has taken over the leg pain right now or at least during the day.  I still have leg pain at night.  I find one way I can uncramp my leg is to actually get out of bed and then climb back into bed to lie on the other side instead of rolling over.  Rolling over makes my leg hurt worse so this is better even though it is rather annoying  to have to get out of bed to lie on my other side.  Oh well, it IS better than the extra pain though.

My headache pain has been a bit increased due to the weather, I think.  I see my neurologist this Thursday.  It sure seems like I see all my doctors in one month.  I think we will be starting some other medicine because this stuff isn't really helping at all so onto something new.

The never ending saga: Pain

Today is a high pain day for some of the joints and my headache is higher than normal.  It is because of the tramadol incident with the doctor.  I have some now, not from her, but I have some and that is what matters.  I should be back to my normal pain level by Saturday just in time to have a nice Easter Sunday with Kathy!!!!!  I am so excited to see her and her family!  I bought the kids their candy gifts last night. i didn't get much because I know they will get a lot more from the Easter Bunny.  I got Acer and Calli their gift certificates earlier in the week so that is good.  I am glad about that.  I don't get them candy because they get so much and I wanted to get them something else so I got them I-tunes gift cards since they both have ipods or iPhone.  It should be a good weekend all around so I am really looking forward to it.  I am not sure exactly what is going on on Saturday except a couple of lessons as far as I know but that will be fun.  This week has been a lot of absences because of vacations and things like that.  Last Saturday, both my students cancelled so that was bad and then Monday one more cancelled because she was still on vacation.  Fortunately, Memphis, from earlier in the week has rescheduled so I am pleased about that.  With tomorrow being Good Friday, I am not sure about cancellations either.  I hope my little boys don't cancel.  I have had so many cancel this week already, I don't want anymore besides, I really love my little ones.  They are so cute and are working so hard.  I love all my students.  They are a really good group right now.  It is a good thing.

We have contacted the city hall and the chief of the animal control shelter and so far, no go on the dog. So far, they all say that the guide/service dog counts towards the pet count although by the FHA law it shouldn't be.  I don't know.  Right now, I am just happy that Heather BT shares Maisy and I get daily hugs from her and that I can play with her everyday.  Whether or not I get my own at this time is up in the air.  I am waiting for an email reply to my email that I wrote a few days ago.

Lessons went well today.  Sarah started on "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" from Frozen.  She is such a sweetheart and plays piano with such passion.  Isaac loves his solo for the spring concert and since we have now moved the date, he can attend, which is awesome because he and Acer are singing a duet that is so cool.  It is "Catch the Spirit".  I love that piece.  I really do.  Ally has chosen her clarinet solo, "In the Forest".  She is a beginner and is doing really well.  She is starting to get some of the beginning technique down pat.  She loves her song and that is good.  It is difficult to practice something you hate so I am glad she loves her song.  Ally also has to play something not from her book or something they haven't gone over in the book so her solo for the concert will be just perfect.  I am glad we have over a month until the concert.  With this extra pain, I just really feel like I am in a fog more than I usually do so I am so not up to date with music for the students or what I need to do to get ready for the concert.  So far, only 1 person cannot be in it.  There will never be a day where all my students will be able to be in a concert so I am not worried about that.

Well, I am tired and I think I am going to either read or lie down for a bit.  I just don't feel too well tonight.

Monday and the disappointment

After spending much time looking and looking for a dog of my own, I have found out that our township has a 2 dog limit per house.  Yup, 2, so basically, no more dogs in the house for us.  He was cute, he was small, his name was going to be Mozart, and he would have been mine but that is okay.  I will survive.  I still have the Maisy girl in the house.  Of course, there is also Q, Calli's guide dog.  Other than that disappointment, I am alright, not great today, but alright.  I am very achy today and yesterday was a wash as I spent most of the time in bed because of a bad headache.  It seemed to have run in the house as Heather BT had a bad one too.  Apparently, the Easter Cantata went well so that is good.

I can't believe that Sunday is Easter!  I am excited about it because it means, wait for it...yes, time with KATHY!!!!!!  (and crew)  I only for sure get to see her on holidays so I make sure that I set time aside. I spend Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Easter with her and her parents and family.  I am so excited!  I think you get the idea!  It will be very fun and cool.

I have had 1 lesson so far and only have 1 more tonight.  Jessie is such a cute girl.  She is 10 and so enthusiastic about piano.  I love that about her.  She loves to play and that really makes me smile.  She loves to practice and that makes me smile even more.  All in all, Jessie is such a joy to teach.  I hope she plays for a very long while.

It seems all my joints hurt today, my wrists, my elbows, my knees, my ankles, my hips, the works.  I am not sure if it is because I haven't had any tramadol today as I am out or what but ugh if that is what it is.  I am really hoping that it improves rather shortly as I am about to take some Advil.  I know Advil doesn't work as well as tramadol, but it is better than nothing.  I called the doctor and the pharmacist and it was a miscommunication between the two so hopefully by tonight it will be filled.  I just ache so much.  My head isn't too bad, considering, but ugh on the rest.

ice cream day

Today was the ice cream celebration for my birthday!  It was lovely and several of my students and their families came.  I was quite excited about it.  One of my friends, Elle and her family also came.  It was a nice and joyous time with friends and students.  I received some very nice gifts too.  I got several gift cards that I truly appreciate.  I really need new sheets so that is one of my plans for the target and visa card.  I am not sure what color I want or if I want a color or not but that remains to be seen.  I just need new sheets so I can get rid of my old and stained ones.  If I can, 2 sets would be cool.  I also got a Tim Horton's gift card and a Starbucks gift card too so that is awesome!  Faith made me a blanket and a necklace (which I am wearing, the necklace I mean), Hannah drew me a picture.  She is an excellent artist.  Mary made me a bracelet that I am also wearing too.  I got a Hello Kitty basket with a Mickey Mouse dressed in a Lions football shirt holding a Lions blanket.  It is totally cool too.  I love all the gifts and I received beautiful cards too.  I will display them on the piano this week and next for the students to see.  They like that when I do that.  I was pleased with the turnout.  You never know because things creep up and families get busy but it was a lovely way to spend the afternoon.  Tilley and Lia were there also.  I was pleased with this too.  I hadn't seen either one of them in a while.  Tilley wants to know when I am coming over next.  I said I am not sure but I will definitely be looking now.  I know I will see her on Mother's Day but other than that, I don't know.  I have several Sundays coming up that I am off that I can go and see her so I will.  All in all, it was a nice afternoon.

My headache has been a bit worse than it used too.  I am not sure if it because of the change of weather now or because the medicine is failing.  I am not sure.  I will find out when I go to the neuro again next month.  If they continue to get bad, like they are, I will have to call and change the appointment to an earlier time.  I have several appointments in the next few months with doctors.  I have one this month with the arthritis doctor, in May with the neuro, and June with the Hematologist.  I am glad that I have a 2 1/2 month break until I see him again.  My blood is actually doing well and right now, I am not bleeding anywhere, which is good because all last summer by hemoglobin's were way down.  That basically means that somewhere in my body was bleeding.  We couldn't find out where, but somewhere.  Now it seems to have cleared up.  I don't know why, but hey, I am NOT complaining, not me, not this girl.

My leg wasn't as bad this morning as yesterday morning.  It was not so bad last night until around 4 am.  I had Calli plug my clock in at a different place so that I can see what time it is in the middle of the night.  I needed the plug it was originally in for my phone and the other one on that plug is for my nook.  So thankfully, the young lady did this for me.  She is quite helpful around the house.

I did have 2 lessons today after all, one with Acer and one with Calli.  Acer missed his lesson on Friday because of an activity so he had it today after I came home.  Calli is working on some music for the cantata at church so we went over that for her.  I love both of their voices and when they sing together, something magical happens.  It really does.  It is quite beautiful to hear their voices blend together.  When they are really working well together, they can give me chills.

I am going to see what is for dinner now.  I am getting a bit hungry.  Then I plan to go and read for a bit and relax.  I have some games to play on my nook.  I am playing words with friends.  I really like although, I am rather terrible at it, but I do enjoy it.  I have several games with my friends all over going.  Tonight is all about relaxing and hoping the headache goes down so I can get some sleep tonight.  Last night, my entire head was sore and it was so bad at times.  I think that is why my leg wasn't so bad for a while because my head took over.  It does that now and again.  More than I would like.

leg pain

I didn't expect to have all lessons canceled today but they were, all 2 of them.  I don't teach that many lessons each day because I just can't.  Last week I over did it and was down for 2 days after that so yeah, it isn't worth doing that.  I have be careful.  It causes too much pain and over exhaustion to teach too much.  I marvel at the thought that 10 years ago I taught 60 students a week and now I struggle with 20.  Such a big difference now.  Some are even every other week so it isn't like I have 20 every week plus someone is always absent.  You have to count on that.  You cannot count on every student being at a lesson every single week.  It is just not realistic.  I love my students though.  I have great parents and great students that really work with me so I am extremely blessed in many ways.

Tomorrow is my birthday gathering at the local ice cream shop.  Oh, I have to send Mary the address.  Be right back.  I have to look it up.  There I am done and I have text it to her too.  I have to remember to bring her daughter's ipod with me because she left it after her piano lesson on Tuesday.  She and her brother, Dan are very sweet kids and are really good pianists.  I am quite pleased with their progress this past year.  They have really gotten into playing more and it shows.  I think most of my students will be there tomorrow.  We will probably fill up the place.  I don't mind as it is fun or the past 3 years it has been fun.  My friend, Candace will be there too.  I am not sure else either off hand, but I know there will be several.

My right leg was not doing well again last night.  Also, behind my right knee is very itching and sore.  I have put some powder on it hoping that it will help and it seems to have helped.  Because of my weight, sometimes these things happen.  It is annoying to have to get up and walk in the middle of the night but considering if I do not the pain is out of this world, I will do it.  It is the better end of the deal.

I have noticed that my head hurts from the back of my head to the front at night again.  It hasn't reached my neck so that is good, but the back of the head is really sore when I go to sleep again.  It was really bad in October, so much so that I ended up in the ER after it getting so bad I couldn't sleep.  That time, the pain had started at the neck and crept up until my whole head felt like it was going to explode.  Fortunately, it didn't explode, but you know what I mean!

Today's headache is just a bit worse than the usual one so it isn't too horribly bad.  Isn't it amazing how we can discuss pain like it is normal, which it is to us, like it is not that much of a big deal in a way?  I am not trying to minimize the pain in any way shape or form, I am just saying that sometimes we discuss it like there is no big deal.  It is a big deal and no person should have to live a life full of pain like we do, but we do.  I never imagined growing up that one day I would be able to say, Wow, I have had the same headache since March of 2003.  That is just insane!  I realized the other day, it has been 11 years since I have had a headache, every single day without a stop, without a break.  Crazy, isn't?  And I wonder why I doubt that as wonderful as my neuro is and she is wonderful, that we will ever find anything that will break the headache.  Even in the ER with the super strong, powerful migraine top of the line stuff, did not break it, it only lessened it.  I would like to wake up someday and be able to dance around my room saying, I don't have a headache.  That is my dream.  Will it ever come true?  I don't know.  I know so many of us have dreams like that, to wake up without pain.  I look at my friends who don't have pain and am awed at what they can do because I can't.  It just hurts to much.  Now I am luckier than many who have fibro and other pain conditions, I have a decent support set.  My best friend and housemates are very supportive of me and don't give me any problems when I am having a bad day.  They are very helpful.  My best friend, Kathy, is the best.  She really is.  If I need to cry, I can cry.  She knows me so well that I don't even have to say hello and she knows it is me crying.  Of course, I have known her since we were 3 and well that is almost 43 years now so that could have something to do with it.  But she is there as best as she can be for me.  My momma was also a great support for me.  Some of my family are good with support and others are not but that is the same with every family.

Maisy, the little Brussels Griffon dog, is sitting next to me right now sleeping.  She likes to look outside so she sits in here a lot.  She doesn't sit in here too much with no one in here.  Maisy is a person dog.  She likes her person or people (in this case her main person is Heather BT and then me) so she splits her time when we are both home between us.  It is very cute.  Maisy really lessens my anxiety.  I had thought about moving some boxes in the living room to new homes but I got overwhelmed and anxious because I have no idea where to put the stuff.  Then I thought, I will go and look through some drawers in my room as I could really use the room because my poor closet is so over full.  Well, I have to try on most of the clothes that are in there and I don't want to do that until May because of the weight I am losing.  I get weighed again in May.  That put an end to that.  That is when I came back down here and started writing my post.  It is much better of an idea!

Wow, this day has flown!  It is 5:30 already!  Of course, I slept in rather late because I was up and down so much with the leg pain last night.  But really, I don't get up until after 12 noon anyway on a regular basis.  I just don't.  I sleep as much as I can because I don't sleep that well.  If I get up early, I have to take a nap.  I woke up too late to take a nap.  Sometimes, I do take a nap just to pass the time too because I am in pain and I can't focus on anything even reading.  I am two-thirds finished with the book I am reading now, "The Last Heiress" by Bertrice Small.  I have read it before but I enjoy her books a lot.  They are interesting characters and strong women characters that I like.  I have another book by Alison Weir to start as soon as I am done with this one.  It is about Lady Jane Grey, the 9 day queen of England between King Edward (King Henry VIII's son) and Queen Mary (King Henry VIII's daughter).  Edward tried to change the order of succession that his father set down but it didn't work.  She didn't even want to be queen, unlike her sister, Katherine who did.  But I expect it will be an excellent book as every other book I have read by her has been just amazing!