I guess I am making up for not posting last night. I have to use Mom's computer until mine dies because it is frozen on sleep. Should be dead in a couple of days. Hopefully soon. I don't like to use Mom's computer. Not sure why, probably because it isn't mine.

I think right after competition next week I am going to start going through Mom's room. I'll start with one bag of junk or a box per couple of days so that it is spread out and won't cause extra pain. I hope once that is done, we can rearrange the rooms so that my bed and mom's bed are in the same room. Right now, there is just no room. I refuse to share a bed with her, as they are not big enough and with the amount of pain I am in, sharing is painful. She cries almost every night about being in her room alone. I think her friend, Jose, will help move the furniture, if not maybe some other friends will help. (Ones with the muscles, something I don't have) I am sure it will work out somehow. Tonight I am going to give her the same amount of unisom and the anxiety meds at the same time. We will head for bed around 9 pm, that seems to be a good time.

I am nervous about the weekend with the week we just had, however, I will be in the same room as she will be and so will Tilley so that should help. It will let me know if traveling is out of her range from now on. I kinda think this will be the last as she is declining rapidly. I wanted to visit Karlyn this spring with Mom, but now, I am not sure. We shall see. I hope she levels off again and stays there for a few months like she did at the beginning of the summer, but the last 6 weeks have me doubt that it will happen.

I hope that by the time Mom needs 24 hour care, I will be getting a job. I am anxious to work again. I don't like sitting around all day. I have a new student starting Wednesday, but she is a scholarship student - one - I have never taught a child who is visually impaired and two - I offered her lessons. I look at it as learning something new. She is a delightful child who is very musically talented.

I have four lessons tomorrow, I also must do some laundry for the weekend. Both Mom and I need our dressier clothes freshly washed (if they aren't already) and ready to be packed for competition. I can't wait until Friday when we arrive. I am looking at this as a bit of work among a vacation for Mom and I. I am glad Tilley is coming too because Mom freaks if she doesn't see me and I am afraid of her disrupting the competition, this way Tilley will be with her and she will be comfortable. Mom did pretty well at the concert but when I had to turn pages for Frank she got nervous because she didn't know where I was and I thought she was going to get up and start looking for me. Fortunately the song ended before she did that. At competition, when I am room captaining, she will not be able to sit with me and I will be up and down the whole time. So with Tilley there, that is a worry I don't have. Mom will be fine and not cause any problems and enjoy herself.

It has been an okay Valentine's Day despite the new phone need. I am still unhappy about it. I emailed those I could for their numbers, I heard from 4 of them. I hope to hear from Richard soon with his numbers. I will get my students this week as the week progresses. I hope not to get sick so I have to cancel before I get the numbers! I will write them down in the book as soon as I get it!

Have a great day! (or night, as it is about 8 pm right now here in Michigan!)

The concert went great! They all did really well. We raised about $200 so I was very happy about that. Debbie did a great job MCing the whole thing as well as performing.



I lost my phone last night, well, Mom lost the phone. She must have picked it up this morning and put it somewhere in her room. I looked all over for it, but I couldn't find it. I was really upset over this. A new phone is something we don't have money for but what can we do. I need a phone as that is the only one we have. Of course I didn't get insurance for it, since I have never lost a phone, but I did this time. I also am going to buy an address book so I can put all my phone numbers in it as everything was in my phone. Yup, wasn't that smart of me? Not one of my brightest moments.

Mom was okay last night, I didn't give her her anxiety meds with the unisom but I certainly will tonight. She has it rough when I don't do that. I will from now on as I know she can have a good night with that combination. The rest of what she does (wandering) is manageable if we both have a good night.

Pain isn't so bad despite me being totally ticked off, so I am impressed with the level. I had planned on taking mom to dinner for Valentine's day, but since I had to buy a new phone I won't be able to.

I hope your day is great! Have a good Valentine's Day!

Last night was a dream! Mom had a great night sleep. She stayed in the bed the first time I put her there. I did have to go into her room a couple of times to answer questions, but other than that, she went right to sleep. I am soooooo happy!!! I got some sleep. And, she didn't wake up in the middle of the night either! What an awesome night. Right now, she is a bit restless, but I am printing the concert program for this afternoon. I had it printed last night but somehow, 2 songs got removed from the list, so I have to re print. Just a second, I need to print the other side. Back in a flash!

Boy, I didn't realize I made a mistake on the cover, it accidentally went to two pages, Fixed that one in a jiffy! I can't wait until the concert. It will be small, but nothing I can do about that. 3 dropped out last night because Mom isn't feeling well. It will be fun even though they will be missed. I hope Debbie will have time after to go and get something to eat and maybe with Katie Parak and Kramer too. We shall see.

Hayley stopped by last night, she got here late because she was held up at the border. I know what that is like! It is a pain! Anyways, she arrived safely at my house so I was happy that she and Justice arrived. She showed me the stuff she ordered and boy was the stuff cute. I don't have any need for anything like that right now, but in the future, one never knows. She and Justice are on their way to Mexico! I hope they have a great trip. She needs the vacation and so does her daughter. Both are tired and having a very busy schedule.

Mom is doing well today. pain level isn't that high today and I am ready for the concert! I hope your day is going to be as good as mine!

We had the meeting with the social worker today. It went well, it lasted about 1 1/2 hours. There were so many questions. I cried at one point, didn't mean too, but I couldn't help it. I also found out that Mom's meds are probably off for her. So Monday I will call her doctor and make an appointment now that she has gone down in the last six weeks. Since Christmas there is such a change in her. If we get the meds right, she will be okay. It took 4 1/2 hours to get her to bed last night. It has been a week from hell with going to bed. Every night has taken so long at least 3 hours. I am keeping her up a little bit later tonight to see if that helps and I will change when I give her her meds. I hope for a better week next week, Mom does not see a screaming crazy daughter at night. I hope she doesn't remember me yelling at her. I also got more info on how to help her with her other issues, the usual ones, bathing, dressing, hallucinations, and stuff like that. I don't mind helping her with most of the stuff, I don't even mind that she is with me always, I do however, mind no sleep. That one has me stumped and makes me not happy. Wish me luck for tonight and hope the changes help.

Sunday is valentines day. I really wanted chocolate (trust me - I DON'T need it) so I gave Mom our chocolate heart kisses to open early. I told her she had to wait for the rest. She said "Okay."

Hayley will be stopping by on her way to vacation tonight with her daughter, Justice. She has some packages to pick up. I get excited when her packages are picked up because she always shows me the stuff she orders. She is a very talented crafter.

I hope your day is good and your evening better. Olympics start today! Yeah!

Today was knitting day, yup, and I forgot my knitting at home.  I was having a day, not a great one.  Last night was a starting off to be a bad one but then I went along with her fantasies and boom!  It worked!  She rolled over and went right to sleep.  Tried that this morning and it backfired on me.  She finally calmed down by the time we were finished with our Tim Horton's.  We went to Walmart after that to get our Valentine's Day stuff.  I got Mom a stuff bear that is pink and adorable!  I got her a card and we will share the candy kisses and hugs.  We both love those things.

Mom is not doing well now.  She is crying again and isn't really sure why.  Now she wants to go visiting people, but we did already today.  She finally stopped now.  I will play along with her fantasy of going home later tonight when we get ready for bed.  I hope it is easy!  I don't think I can handle another bad night.  We are getting up early tomorrow so that won't be a problem.  I have to adjust my morning schedule to get up earlier now, I am so not happy about that.

Pain level is high for the last few days because of extra stress.  I had to take an extra pain pill because of it.

We are watching Army Wives disc 3 now.  I love this show.  I hope your day is snow free and sunny because ours is sunny but definitely not snow free!

We rescheduled today's appointment for Friday.  I expected the roads to be worse than they are.  I should have not rescheduled because I definitely good have drove there.  Oh well, hind sight is 20/20, isn't it?  We are having a lazy day today, watching a marathon of Army Wives season 3, we are on disc 1, it is almost over, then on to disc 2.  There are about 5 or 6 discs.  I love this show.  Oh, and the series I ordered came in today too, Walker Texas Ranger seasons 6 & 7 and murder she wrote season 11.  We now have the entire walker series and all the murder she wrotes that are available.

This morning started off kinda tuff.  Mom was in a cycle starting at about 8:30 am and she got out of it, but these are so hard on me, they make me ache more than usual.  I think her medicine needs to be adjusted.  I am going to call her doctor tomorrow and see if she can up the amount Mom takes.  Maybe that will help.

I am planning Mom a birthday party.  I am sending an invitation to Richard, I hope he comes.  It would make Mom happy.  We haven't seen him in a year and a half.  I have the feeling he probably won't come, maybe at Easter.  As long as it is soon because Mom is going downhill and soon she won't remember any of us.  Out of sight, out of mind for her.  

Mom is doing okay right now.  I think I write more about her than I do living with fibromyalgia.  I think because I spend so much of my time taking care of her and doing things for her and with her that most of my life is spent on her.  She is tired today, more than usual, I think the morning cycle tired her out.  I will put her to bed early at about 8:30 pm or so.  I will try to put it off until 10 because there is a show I want to watch, maybe I will get to see it.  I hope so.  She is really tired.  We shall see.

I have to email Richard now, not sure I really expect an answer because he doesn't answer me very much anymore.  He doesn't answer my calls much either.  I just leave messages and he gets them and what he does with them I don't know.  I just know he rarely answers my calls and I want to talk to him.  It is hard knowing he is just too busy for me and Mom now.

Have a great day!

It's snowing outside right now.  We are supposed to get anywhere from 5 to 15 inches of snow.  We haven't had much this winter.  Not that I mind, it can be difficult with Mom in the snow.  She is kinda afraid of it now.  We do have to go to an appointment tomorrow so I hope the roads will be clear by the time we leave.  It does look really pretty outside with the snow falling down.  Winter wonderland.  I don't mind snow when I am inside!

I can laugh about this now, but last night was not so funny.  Mom took four hours to go to bed.  Yup, 4 hours.  She is sleeping in her chair right now because she is so tired from last night.  It didn't matter what I did, she wanted to go home.  I gave her more medicine and that didn't help.  I think she needs a stronger sedative for nighttime on nights like that.  When we first went into bed she was fine, but after the fourth time getting up she wasn't.  I must admit, I got very angry and upset over this.  I tried to stay calm but she kept wandering and wanting to call me on the phone so we could go home.  When she is like that there isn't anything I can do about it.  I tried.  I even tried to let her wander around on her own while I went into bed.  That didn't work.  I can't sleep while she is up like that.  I did try several times.  I even yelled at her that we were home.  She didn't get it.  I have no idea how other people deal with this, but I don't deal well with this issue at times.  I expect her to get up from bed a few times before she stays for the night, but this was ridicules.  Just ridicules.  I hate this disease who is taking my mom away from me.  This stranger in her place is not her.  During the day, she is mostly fine and knows who I am and who she is, but mornings and nights are not the best.  She is usually confused at both times of the day.  Not a good thing anymore.  I am getting to the end of my ropes with it.

Anyways, we shall see how the meeting tomorrow with the social worker goes, I have to bring a list of her medicines and I don't know what else.  I can't take anymore of this this week so I hope the rest of the week is fine.

I hope your day is going well and your not getting tons of snow like we are.

It has been a decent day so far.  I have had 5 lessons and will have one more tonight.  After that, dinner and then off to bed.  Mom is doing alright so far today.  I gave her her anxiety medicine this morning and it seemed to help this morning.  She only cried a little bit a few minutes ago.  She is tired again, I don't think she slept well.  She did wake up at 5:30 am again, so naturally, I put her right back into bed.  Not getting up then, no way Jose!!!!  She is currently hallucinating about a little boy right now.  Hmm, these are getting more frequent, but it isn't time for her medicine again.  Not until about 7 pm.  I hope she will stop soon.

The students did well at their lessons, all three girls are ready for the concert on Saturday.  This is the benefit concert for Women for Women International.  It should be fun.  A few of my former students are performing and one of them is the hostess.  Can't wait for that.  No sewing this week.  Laura (the mom) has to have outpatient surgery on Wednesday and probably won't be feeling up to sewing on Friday.  No problem!  We will do it next week!

My arm is slowly getting a bit better.  I can stretch it a bit more before it really begins to hurt.  I am trying to remember to exercise it every day.  I don't understand why it froze on me.  I didn't do anything to it, it just did this on it's own.  Once it is back to normal I will be able to dress myself and I won't need help.

I did think of something else that intrigues me for a second career.  A paralegal.  I had thought of that when I was younger and fresh out of college.  But then I started teaching more and that went out the window.  So now I am looking into it again.  Mom will most likely in the next year be in a home, she is going downhill that fast.  It is so awful to watch.  I want my mommy back the way she was, not this stranger in her place.  I mean, the stranger is nice, but she isn't the same as my mommy.  So anyways, I am looking into how to become a paralegal.  I still am also interested in opening my own music school, so who knows what I will be doing in a year or where I will be living!  Life is an adventure, that is for sure.

I hope your day is pleasant and sunny!  It is so sunny out it is wonderful here!  Of course, snow is on the way for tomorrow and Wednesday.  Wednesday is the day we have to go to Windsor for Mom's appointment.  I hope the roads are fine by then, I don't really want to go if they aren't.  If the roads are bad, we will postpone the appointment for another week.  We shall wait and see!

Today is a much better day!  Mom did well with Tillie here, minimal crying.  She is watching Army Wives disc 5 season 2 right now.  I just did my hair so we are waiting for my hair to dry before going to bed.  Not much happened today, we visited with Tillie and then we went to Boston Market for dinner.  Naturally, I forgot to bring my wallet and it is my treat.  Ugh, how embarrassing.  So, Tillie paid and then I paid her back as soon as we got home.  This is the second time I have done this in three days.  I don't usually not check that I have my wallet, but Friday I did forget to check and we were at Tim Horton's and well, oops, I forgot.  Fortunately, they know me there and let me pay afterward we when went back.  I did, but we were late for sewing class.  

Wednesday, Mom and I are heading to the Alzheimer's society for an appointment.  We are meeting a social worker there.  Don't know why or for what, but I am going anyway.  I guess I am beginning to understand that she is going to need care i can't give her, I mean, look at yesterday.  I was totally out of control with the situation, she was so confused and I couldn't help her.  I am not sure anyone could have.  I really don't think anyone could have.  I don't know what they would have done with her at a home either, I mean, what do you do when a person just doesn't get it?  How do you deal with that?  I am going to give her her anxiety medicine twice a day now though because Tillie said it would help her stay calm through out the day.  So now, twice a day she gets it starting today.  I gave it to her earlier and she stopped crying.  Apparently, this will help her stop crying all day.  I hope so.  I hate seeing her upset.  I also have to throw away any junk mail we get because Mom thinks they are bills that we can't pay and freaks out over money.  She worries about money a lot, she often asks if we have enough to pay to stay the night.  I reassure her a lot, I don't tell her the money worries because I don't think she really understands.  I am not sure I want her to understand.  As long as we don't lose the house while she is in it, that is all that matters to me.  After that, it can be added to her bankruptcy or whatever.

Anyways, all in all, not a bad day.  Hope yours was good too!

Back again.  We have finally done with the cycle.  Frank, Rachel, and Katie were here for practice sessions and she calmed down.  I didn't get a chance to take a nap because she was back in the bad cycle again.  It finally stopped after the kids arrived for practice.  Although I freaked when I couldn't find her and she was in the dining room.  Definitely an over reaction.  I calmed down when she went into the living room where we all were.

Tillie is coming over tomorrow.  I have nothing to serve for dinner so we will need to go to the store.  I couldn't find the chicken that is in the freezer.  Where, I do not know.  But after the day I just had, the chicken can go to you know where.  I can get a new chicken or something for tomorrow's dinner.  I have the veggies and the potatoes.  They are the the boxed type.  It will work somehow.

Mom is very calm right now.  It is refreshing.  We shall see how bed time is.  But I pray it is alright because I don't know if I can handle a night like this day.  I begged God to make her night easier and so far it is.  Let's hope it lasts until tomorrow.  I called her friend to see if he could take her for an hour or two, but he never called me back.  Guess he was busy.  I was at my wits ends but then the change of the lessons helped.  We are heading for bed now, it is 9:00 pm and we are both tired, although she isn't sleeping in her chair, just watching Army Wives with me calmly.  I remembered to give her her anxiety medicine at 7:00 pm.  I did give it to her this morning but man, it didn't help at all.  I hope to not have to deal with that again.  And if I do, I hope to handle it with more than tears and upsets.

I hope you have a good night!!  Talk to you tomorrow!

I am very tired today, not just because Mom woke up at 8:00 am, but from crying on and off for about 4 or so hours.  Mom was in a bad cycle when she woke, so I rushed to give her her anxiety medicine.  She stopped crying.  Then she went into wanting to go home and where I am.  So I tried to get her to lay back down.  It didn't work.  We went to Tim Horton's for breakfast, and when we got back, she was right back into it.  This has never happened before.  She wanted to go to sleep so we went upstairs, then she didn't want to, so we went back downstairs.  No matter what I did, nothing worked.  So hence, the tears.  She was dry eyed the entire time.  I don't think she had a clue it was me at all, she also sometimes hallucinates a little girl in our house that disappears when I come around.  I think she is seeing herself as a little girl, but I am not sure.  She also is very shaky on her legs today, like she has no balance.  This is new and I haven't read anywhere that this is normal.  So I am worried about that.  I have never seen her so off balance and confused in my life.  I almost took her to emergency.  If the shakiness keeps happening, I am going to have to.  She is fine now.  Sitting quietly in her chair.  I wonder if I can sneak in a nap now.  I am so tired.

When Lily came for her lesson, she was the one who broke Mom's bad cycle.  I don't know how, but the change of Lily and Ross being in the house did it.  I am so thankful for that.

I think I am going to try to sneak in a nap in the living room while Mom has her eyes closed in here.  We shall see.