A realization

A blog I read, a Place called Simplicity, reminded me again today how consumed with fear I am.  I have been ever since the start of summer when Mom went downhill.  I am literally, at times, consumed by it.  I am afraid of so many things now that I am alone and on my own.  I am trying to really trust that God will take care of me, and I have much proof that He is, but still I am afraid.  I needed new students to pay my bills, I got new students (I got another new one today that will start next week), I needed a way to stay in the house, I am able to stay in the house.  I have been afraid to be alone, I now can sleep in the house comfortably alone, yet I am still consumed at times by fear.  I need to break the chains of fear.  I don't know how other than praying for that which I have done consistently for the last 3 months.  I was afraid after Momma passed away I would get sicker than I already am, I didn't get sicker.  I was so afraid that I would go into a flare or that the vasculitis that has been dormant for 7 years now, would show up again.  It didn't.  I have proof after proof that I am not alone, yet still, I am consumed by fear.  I am at a loss of how to get out of this fear.  I know that fear is not from God, but I can't get up from under it.  When I get scared, I go and take a nap because then I don't focus on it.  I sleep way to much at times.  I am glad that I am getting to teach more lessons because that brings me out of fear while I am teaching and sometimes even after I am done teaching.  I am afraid to stop missing Mom because will that mean I will forget Mom?  I don't know.  I just know I am completely, most of the time, consumed by fear.  I need help in breaking this cycle.  I have never been such a fearful person as I am right now.  I feel like I am walking in mud and fear is holding me back.  I don't like this feeling.  I want to stop being afraid of everything all the time.  I don't remember how to stop being afraid, it has been here since May when I first took Mom to the hospital and it hasn't left me yet.  What do I do?  I have been praying about it a lot.  I ask God to take the fear away every night, and it is still here.  I need to stop being afraid and start living again, right now, I am just existing.

a better day

It has been a much better day today.  No tears for the day, thank goodness!  It is just a normal missing mom day.  It seems so strange to be living here in the house while she is in Heaven but I don't want to live anywhere else.  Sometimes, I can feel her presence in the house and I like that.

I had a new student this afternoon.  I was getting kind of worried because he was 15 minutes late.  It was okay because I didn't have anyone after him, so that was fine.  He seems very interested in learning to sing properly and get back to where he thinks he was a few years ago before a horrible accident.  He has a nice sound.  We started with the usual, Caro Mio Ben and he did very well.  He has the list of books he needs to get for next week.  I didn't have him get a Broadway book because I have a couple that I really like and couldn't choose between them which ones I wanted him to get.  What can I say?  I have some great books.

I am going to go to Windsor for a couple of hours tomorrow.  I haven't been there since December.  I don't know when the Windsor people are going to come and visit me anytime soon, but that is okay.  I am mostly doing alright.  Yes, I have my bad days, as noted from yesterday, but overall, I am adjusting to this new life alright.  It isn't always easy, but it is my life now.  I am hoping that I will see Richard and family in the summer.  That is my goal.  Kathy is hopefully going to be able to come and visit in a few weeks and spend the weekend.  I can't wait for that because we will have fun.  I have book club next Saturday, which will actually be the first time we have had book club since Momma passed away in October.  In December when we were supposed to have book club, Maggie took me to lunch instead.  I had a good time.  It was nice to visit with her since I hadn't actually visited her since September.  She was at the viewing and the funeral, but that isn't a place for visiting as I was rather busy and upset at the time.  It was one of the hardest days of my life.  I don't think anything else will ever be so hard.

It has been a good day today.  I even braved the cold to go get dinner.  I just wasn't into cooking anything today so off to taco bell I went.  I haven't been out since Friday because it has been so cold.  It is finally warming up a bit, if you call in the 20s warm, compared to below zero, it is down right balmy!  I have several students this week.  I do need to get the piano books for the next new student on Saturday.  He is an adult and has always wanted to know how to play the piano so he is starting this Saturday.  I am hopeful for 7 more students with this new company.  They send email updates on your profile page once a week which is really nice because you can see how many people checked out the profile.  They do not use last names or any other identifying  information unless you sign up.  Even then, they don't know the last name.  I love teaching out of the house.  I have decided that I am not going to to change that anytime soon because it is so nice to have them come here for lessons.  It is so convenient if I need some music, I just turn on the computer and look it up then go down the stairs to pull the music out.  Very helpful if I need something right away.  I did find some other music that needs to be put away.  I will work on this during this week.  I would like to have all the music put away by the end of the weekend.  Then I plan to organize the CDs.  I found some more the other day that have been sitting next to me on the floor next to the piano for a good 8 to 9 months and didn't realize they were there.  What a lovely surprise it was to find them.  Several of them were ones I have needed recently so I was very happy to find them.  My CDsCDs will take a little bit longer but since there are some in order, I just have to put the CDs where they belong.  Then I will be up to day with the music.  Give me 2 weeks and I will be done.  The one thing I do want to get soon is an all in one printer with copier capability.  It will help not lose music.  I have several binders and I want to create some binders for each vocal student with extra songs we will be doing but I won't have to loan out the music.  I am trying not to loan out too much music as that is how it gets lost.  Binders are so much easier plus the student gets to keep a copy of the music.  As an educator, by law, I am allowed 1 copy per student for educational purposes only.  I always have the original music with me whenever there is a performance or competition.

Overall, a much better day.  I do hope tomorrow is a good day too.  It is not supposed to be very cold like it has been which is good.  I am very glad about that.

monday

It is a bad missing Momma day.  It has been since last night.  Tears and more tears.  It hurts worse than the physical fibro pain I have.  I can't seem to get a hold of myself today.  yesterday, I spent most of the day in bed as I also have a very bad headache.  I still have it.  I don't know.  It doesn't seem to get any better.  I just want my mom.  That's all.  Nothing more, just my Mom.  I know she is gone, but I still want her.

brrr, it is so cold outside

I think I slept the day away.  I am so tired and my head hurts pretty bad today.  I got up rather late and was still so tired that I had to go and lay back down.  It is just one of those type days.  I will be heading for bed early tonight too.  I am just so exhausted today.  I didn't go out at all today because it is so cold out and no reason to go out.  I decided yesterday that I wasn't going to go out today because it was going to be so cold.  Well, it is really cold out.  Around zero without the windchill.  I don't know how cold it is out with the windchill, below zero I imagine.  I am not liking the cold this year.  It didn't seem to bother me so much last year like it is this year.  I am not sure why.  Tomorrow I have 4 lessons as usual so that is good.  I have a new student on Tuesday and another new on Saturday.  Wednesday, I have to go to Windsor for a bit before teaching at 4 pm.  It will be a nice and busy week.  I like that in a week.  I dread downtime at times. It depends on what I want to do during the downtime.  Sometimes it is nice to have it.  It comes in handy when you don't feel well to.  It was good that I didn't have to teach today since my head is so sore.  I do hope it goes down to normal by tomorrow in time for teaching.  Sometimes, teaching helps the head relax a bit too.

It is a normal pain day for everything else except the head.  I am way more tired than usual for some odd reason.  it is a normal missing mom day, although with not feeling well today, it is nice to be able to rest and not worry about her.  Though, I would rather have to worry about her than have her not here.

I do hope your day was fine and everything okay.  i hope you are warm during this cold spell.

Cold outside

It is so cold outside today!  I am staying in the house for the evening.  I am not going out and I don't foresee me going out tomorrow either.  It is just so cold out.  I am toasty warm in the house today and loving every minute of it.  It is a good day around here.  I had 4 lessons this afternoon, Katie, Amanda, Kayla, and Amanda P.  All are doing very well with lessons.  Katie is getting ready for competition.  She is working on Ave Maria by Schubert for her Classical piece.  She has it almost down pat.  Her Broadway piece, I could Have Danced All Night is pretty much almost ready.  My three newer ones are doing well too.  Over all, I must say I am pleased with how the students are doing.

It is a normal missing Mom day, not a bad one, just the normal one.  I changed the wallpaper in my phone to a different picture of her.  I have several good pictures of the little lady.  On my computer are many more pictures of Mom too.  There are some with me.

I am starting to work on losing some of this weight.  I am not going to be going to the usual anymore unless it is to meet someone for tea.  I need to cut back on spending, but I also need to cut back on junk food and eat more healthy food.  I bought some pop for here at home because I do like it, although I will be cutting back how much I drink of it.  I have some nice fruit cups that I do like, I just don't think about eating them because I don't normally have them here at home.  Well, I got them now and will eat them.  i also got some bananas, which I also like.  I do like fruit.  I just don't eat enough of it.  I have bought some more meat that isn't prepackaged so that is good too.  I think I have gained a bit of weight since Mom passed away and that is not good.  I need to lose the weight, not gain it so I will be working hard on that.  That is my new goal.  I have been working on the machines downstairs a bit, but I can't do very much of them.  I have looked to see about swimming but there really isn't anywhere near by for me to go.  I will keep looking until I find something I can afford.  With more students, maybe I can afford something near by.  So far, the ones I have looked into are very expensive.  I will keep looking.

I worked a bit on the plan of the house.  I also worked on the to do list.  Some of the stuff is weekly to do, but some of it is not.  I am working on my weekly house work to figure out what day to do what so I don't over do it.  I don't want to over do it at all.

Overall, it has been a decent day.  I am relaxing now after a busy afternoon.  I like when I have busy afternoons and evenings, it makes me feel better over all.  I am going to read for a bit before I make any dinner.  I hope it has been a good day for you too!  Stay warm!  It is cold in so many places today!

paperwork friday

I turned in all the paperwork.  Well, I hope it was all the paperwork.  I couldn't turn in my pay stub  because I haven't gotten my first paycheck from takelessons.com yet.  I get it on the 5th so that is good.  I have a busy afternoon tomorrow.  I have 4 lessons so I am excited about that.  I had Stephanie's this afternoon.  She is doing pretty well for just starting the song.  She does have one piece pretty much memorized.  She has solo and ensemble in 2 weeks now.  I will see her on Wednesday next week for 90 minutes.  I was nervous about the length of the lesson, but it goes pretty quick, so I am happy about that.  I have another solo and ensemble student tomorrow.  Both these students are temporary ones, but I do hope they turn into permanent ones, but if they don't that is okay.

It is so cold here.  It is supposed to be in the single digits this weekend.  Thank goodness I have a nice new parka to help keep me warm.  I also have a nice warm scarf and hat.  My gloves aren't that warm, but I have warmer ones if needed.  I do hope where you are is warmer than it is here.  We are also supposed to get more snow.  I think this is the weekend to stay home.  Thank goodness I got groceries yesterday!  Oh, wait, I have to get some medicine tomorrow.  Ugh.  that means I have to go out tomorrow.  I need the medicine or I would wait to next week.  I do have to go to Windsor next week for the afternoon.  I am going on Wednesday.  I will be going to Tillie's for lunch.  I have some business to attend to and then lunch.  I need to be home by 4 pm for Stephanie's lesson.  I don't anticipate that being a problem.  I am planning to arrive by 10 am so that I can leave by 1:30 after lunch.  I haven't actually seen Tillie since December at the family party and she was very busy that day.  I was having a rough day that day so I left early.  It was the 2 month anniversary of Momma's passing and it just hit me pretty hard.  It occurred to me that everyone there had someone except me, whether it was children, significant other, or mom, and I had no one.  They all had a little family of their own and I don't.  My little family is gone. It just wasn't a good day for me.  I was glad Darrin left early so that I could leave before dark too.  When I am that upset, it is best to leave before dark.  I have better contacts now so that is good, I can read street signs again.  I am frightened at times about my eyes and the macular degeneration.  Sometimes when I am typing the words are blurry and no matter what I do I can't get them to clear up.  It isn't everyday, but it is often enough that it drives me crazy.  Eyes are so important.  I know it is something I need to keep an eye on.  I do see better with the new contacts.  They are a new kind that allows lots of oxygen through so I no longer have the oxygen deprivation problem in my left eye.

I don't have any plans for Sunday right now.  Phoebe is supposed to stop by tomorrow afternoon to drop off the ladder.  I am hoping to see Peggy soon, I am not sure when.  As soon as Wendy is feeling better we will be meeting for tea.  She is so nice.  I wish we were closer in high school and the years after.  Well, we are friends now and that is what counts.  She is one of the friends that came to the viewing of Mom.  I really appreciated all my friends and family who came for those two days.  They were pretty awful.  I hope to never go through anything that awful again.

It has been a productive day for a change.  I did take a nap after I went to drop the paperwork off.  I didn't want to mail them because it could get lost in the mail and I don't want to lose that stuff so I dropped it off the the drop box.  The office is rather close to my house so it was no big deal.  I copied everything and then stuffed it in the envelope.  Now my dining room table has paperwork all over it again.  I will put the bills in the bill file tomorrow.  I am too tired to do this tonight.

I hope you had a good day.  It was for me.  I feel good when I get stuff done.  I hope that next week is productive too.  There are days when I feel like my old self again.  It happens more often than it did in a while.  I still have rough days though, I miss Momma all the time, but I am slowly reconstructing my world to a world without her.  I never really thought I would, yes, I know, that is awfully naive but that is me.  It is a world that I am slowly muddling through.  Some days, I am just treading water, while others I am drowning and some I am floating.  All in all, I am finding my strength, the strength I didn't think I had.  I guess I do have some, I just don't know how much.  i know Mom would want me to be strong.  That I know for sure.  She always said she wanted me to be strong and stand on my own two feet.  Well, I need a bit of help, with the standing on my own two feet, but I am doing alright.

a better day - but more snow!

I woke up late again today.  I have got to get out of this bad habit.  I have to copy some stuff to send in.  I am planning to copy them tomorrow and then drop them off.  I only have until tomorrow to do this so I have to get this done.  I can't not do this.

I had another new student this afternoon.  She is very nice and so is her mom.  She was a few minutes late because they got lost.  They had to call the company to get directions to my house.  they were about 5 to 7 minutes late.  That was okay as I don't have anyone else today.  Besides, it was the first lesson and you have to make allowances for timing on the first one.  I am excited to work with all my new students.  I do hope that they all have their books soon.  I am running out of books to loan out.  I have to pull some solo and ensemble music tomorrow for Amanda P tomorrow for Saturday.  I have Stephanie again tomorrow.  She is singing a song in French and it is very hard for her.  We worked on it for almost the entire 90 minutes yesterday for her lesson.  We shall see how much she practiced.  I hope she practiced a lot.  Solo and ensemble is only a few weeks away.  Amanda is going to solo and ensemble too and she hasn't picked her 2nd song yet.  I have a few ideas of songs that I think she will like.  I am excited about Saturday because I have 4 students that day.  Next Saturday, I will have 5 lessons.

I am possibly going to see Peggy this weekend.  I am not sure though.  I do hope so.  It would be fun.  I have gift certificates that I can use.

I went grocery shopping today.  I forgot to bring some cash for the medicine I need to pick up so I will have to do that tomorrow.  Oh well, not a big deal.  I will get the synthroid tomorrow.  I don't really want to go all the way to Walmart again, but I don't have a choice since that is where my medicine is filled at.  It is that time of month when my medicines all need to be refilled.  A few of them are refilled every few months though so that is good.  It makes the monthly cost cheaper.

I am still so tired.  I don't feel like I have completely regained my strength from getting the cold earlier this month.  I still feel so wiped out with it.  It is really getting annoying.  I am tired of sleeping so much. I am going to go to bed earlier tonight with the hopes that I get up earlier.  I want to be up by 11:30 latest.  11:00 would be better as I have things to do.  I want to get the stuff done early so I can be ready for the lesson at 4:30.  I am just so tired.

I am watching My First Place.  It is too funny to see people go into the potential house/condo's bathroom and complain that it is outdated and it looks fine.  They do that for the kitchens too.  Makes me wonder what they would say about our house as our bathrooms have never been redone.  Our kitchen, however, was redone in the late 90's and Mom did a great job.  Hayley would like me to repaint the dining room and kitchen but that is not on the top of my list of things to do.  I like the color, actually so I am not sure I would repaint it.  There are rooms I would like to repaint, but that is not on the list for right now.  I have to save money to do any changes of the house.  I rather like the house the way it is.  I like the way our house looks.  The only changes I see I need to make are to the yard right now.  I am hoping that Addison or his dad will be able to trim the bushes in the back yard.  I need the garden in the back yard weeded and the stones put back in.  I need a new bush in the corner of the garden.  Also, in front of the house will need some bushes too.  Andrew ripped them out and never put anything back.  I would like something there.  That probably won't get done until next summer, not this one, but the next one, but that is okay.  I don't mind.  I have time to deal with this stuff.  I still need to decide where to start with the house.  I have an idea of where I want to start and what I want to do.  I will start in a couple of weeks so I need to make sure I am not as exhausted as I am right now.

Well, I am heading to bed soon.  I am just so tired.  I hope I get a good sleep and wake up nice and refreshed!  Okay, now I am dreaming!  I just hope I am not as tired as I have been all day.  That is my goal.  I do hope your day has been good too!

a slightly bummed out day

I am a bit bummed out today.  The new adult student that I thought was all excited to learn to sing better and all that, well, he quit.  Yup, after one lesson, he quit.  So, since his girlfriend paid for 3 classes I will be refunding 2 of them to her.  I didn't put the money in the bank yet, so I still have it in the piggy bank.  Also, my 2 fish are dead.  Yup, that too.  I guess I am not any good at taking care of fish.  That kind of makes me sad too.  What can I say?  it is not my day.  I do hope the new student I have this afternoon, for 90 minutes, (I am a bit worried about how long the lesson is) goes well.  She has a performance in 3 weeks.  I don't know what her worries are about or anything or why they think 90 minutes is needed 2 times a week, I just don't know yet.  I shall find out soon enough as they arrive in 25 minutes.

I plan to do some grocery shopping this week.  I need to pick up a few things.  Not too many, just a few.  I also need to go to Windsor next week.  I haven't been there in a month.

Yesterday, was the 3 month anniversary of Momma's death.  I am a bit better than I was in October, but I still miss her so much.  At times, it seems unreal that I won't see her sitting in the living room or coming down the stairs or hearing her call my name.  I just can't believe that I won't be with her everyday like I was.  I wonder how my brothers are doing, but they are always like, move forward, don't look back.  Well, I miss Momma, how can I not look back?  She wasn't a big part of their lives like she was mine.  For a couple of years at the end, she was my life.  I miss taking care of her.  I miss her all the time and I am not so sure that will ever change.  I know I can move on with my life, but that doesn't mean I don't miss her because I do.  I just miss her a lot.

I hope today improves some, because it is just not my day.  I am looking forward to the lesson I will teach.  That will be in 15 minutes.

I do hope your day is good.

Tuesday

I had 2 lessons today.  I was a bit nervous over the new lesson because you never know how adults will react to classical music.  He was all for it.  I was very excited about that.  He seemed to like the song we started with and the broadway one too so that is good.  He needs to purchase 2 books.  Since I am not wanting to limit his range (he has a nice wide one) with picking 1 Broadway book so I will just loan out what he needs.  I copied his music this afternoon and the CDs too.  I will get him a binder (I have some downstairs) and page protectors.  He is very nice.  Charlie had his lesson too and he is doing pretty well with musical interpretation etudes.  They are rather hard, but he is doing alright with them.

Tomorrow I have a new student that is a temporary student.  She has a performance on February 5 and wants some help with her music.  She is actually coming Wednesday and Friday for 90 minutes.  I am not sure the 90 minutes is necessary, but I will find out.  Usually, an hour is the most that people have for lessons so this is new for me.  We shall see where she is with the music that she is performing.

I also need to pull some music tomorrow for my new one on Thursday.  The newest one on Saturday is going to solo and ensemble for school and needs one more song that is off the list.  I will pull the alto books that are on the list or the ones I think are on the list.  I figure by the end of the lesson we will have a song for her.  I also have another new student next Saturday for piano.  He is an adult.  I spoke to him today.  I will get the books for him and he will pay me back.  It will be easier to pick up the books and then I know he will get the right ones.

This week I have students every day except on Sunday.  It is the first time in a long time that I have lessons every day.  I do know that the Wednesday and Friday student is just temporary, although it would be nice if she switched after the performance to a weekly student.  I can only hope.

I had to turn the heat back up again.  I just couldn't help it.  I was so cold even with the little heater, I was still so cold.  Now that I am on the special program that protects against getting the heat shut off.  I pay the same amount every month for 18 months and then they look at how much heat I use and then make the adjustments for the next 18 months.  I called them for information on the budget plan.  They usually do the budget plans in May not January so that plan was out for me, but I am happy with what I have now.  My electric bill is almost the same every month so I not worried about that.  This new development really helps the budget a lot.  I am glad about that.

I am tired a bit tonight.  I was very tired earlier but then I perked up.  I am almost over this cold.  I think tonight I am not going to take the cold nighttime medicine because I think that is why I am so tired these last few weeks.  We shall see if this helps.  I sure hope so.  I am tired of being even more tired than I always am.  I need more energy to get through the day.

Tomorrow I hope to move all the violins so that I can take pictures of the shuffleboard for my cousin, Darrin's friend.  I have to measure it too.  I hope to have it gone by the end of the month.  That would be nice.  It would be nice too if he wanted the bar stools too but that is too much to hope for.  I don't want them as they are in the way.  I do want the round table and the chairs that go with it.  It will be good for sewing.  I have a couple of other tables for sewing too.  I hope to have a nice sewing room by summer.  The other half of the room will have a sofa and a chair with a TV and exercise equipment.  I want to use it for exercising.  I am keeping two of the exercising machines and the rest can go.  I will put shelves along 2 walls so that we will have storage for sewing stuff and other things.  I do need to eventually get another book shelf for the family room too.  I like having one on each side of the sliding door and one of them went into the living room.  I am going to move the DVDs and all my books back downstairs to the book shelves.  It will be better for them as I like to watch DVDs while I exercise.  The family room will be awesome when I finish with it.  First thing, is getting rid of the shuffleboard.  It is in the way right now.  Of course, nothing will be done until after tax season except for moving the shuffleboard out of the room.

All in all, it has a good day.  I hope your day was good too.  I am excited that I have a good week planned.

Monday - busy lesson day

I had 3 lessons today.  Little man, Acer, has a fever so he didn't come for his lesson.  I do hope he is going to be back to normal shortly.  Bob and Calli had their lessons and both are doing very well.  Bob has a 2 part invention by JS Bach and a Sonata by Mozart while Calli is learning Red River Valley on the piano.  She is singing Country Gardens and Rainbow Connection.  She is almost done with level 2 and almost ready to begin level 3.  I am excited with how well she is doing.  Bob did very well through the rough spots today.  He is happy with his progress too.  Basically it was a very nice musical day.

Tomorrow is one of my new students.  He is an adult male who will be taking voice lessons.  I have the books to copy for him.  I also will have the usual lesson with Charlie.  He is doing very well with his tenor saxophone too.  I must say at this time I am pleased with each of them.  All my students are working very hard at their music and work hard during lessons.  I love teaching.  For me, it is the best job in the world.  I really like it.

It has been a very good day today.  I am going to go and make some dinner now.  I think I feel like having some soup.  I really like soup.  It is one of the best foods ever.  I am rereading the Anne of Green Gables books.  I am on the 2nd book.  I love these books so much.  Mom originally bought them for me when I was a child and I just love them.  Hannah Muglia is also reading them too.  I think she will like them a lot.

I do hope your day is good too!  Have a great weekend!

A quiet Sunday

It started out as a bad day for me.  I got up late, again and I wanted to get up earlier because I don't like this new habit of sleeping in very late.  I have got to stop it.  Tomorrow I have a few things I want to do before teaching.  I need to decide what songs to copy for Ed and make a CD for him.  I also need to make some copies of music for my new one on Thursday too.  I want to get on top of this so that I have the music ready.  I don't have too many copies of the books left so I need to copy the music.  I should have done that for Amanda and Kayla, but I didn't.  I need to for the other Amanda and Koffi.  I have two adult male students that are starting and I only have 1 copy of guy songs so I have to copy them for the guys.

I emailed Richard when I was upset and crying.  He emailed me back right away.  He was reminding me to keep busy and not think about it too much.  To look forward, not backward, which is very Richard.  I called Kathy after I emailed Richard and by the time we were done, I was feeling much better.  I should have just called her.  She always makes me feel better.

I am feeling better now.  I think that I need to get busier and not sit around thinking too much.  I spend a lot of time on the computer because I don't have a lot to do.  I need to get off my butt and start working on the plan for the house.  January is 1/2 over and I haven't even started.  I only have a bit left of the month to make my plans.  I don't want to still be thinking about it in February.  I want to start working on my plan in February.  I want to have this house the way I want by summer.  Kathy and Tony are going to help me clear out the storage unit when the weather warms up in the spring.  I am thankful for that.  That is an expense I don't need plus I don't really need a storage unit.  I have a house that has lots of room.  We got it because we were going to move to Rochester near the store.  I shouldn't have ever got it, but I did and now I am sorry but I will get it closed soon.  Most of the stuff will be donated.  I am keeping a few things for myself and the rest is going.  I want the keyboard that in there and the pictures in the boxes.  There are few other boxes I need to keep from the store and a couple of other boxes but the rest is going.  A lot of the boxes, a good majority of them, are old reference books and stuff I don't need.  I am glad that I will be getting this gone and taken care of.

Tomorrow I am going to go in the family room and find the craft bags.  I am going to pick a kit out to make and start working on it tomorrow night.  I am going to stop playing around on the computer all night and do something productive.  I want to be more productive like I am used to.  I used to be busy all the time and I am want to do that again.  I did get my notebook out and it is on the counter.  I have everything ready to start my planning.  By the end of the month, I will know what I want done and where I want to start.  I want the house in order so that if Richard can come with the family for a visit I will have room for them.  I am hoping to see them this summer.  I haven't seen the family in 2 1/2 years and I miss the kids a lot.  They are growing up so fast.  I do hope to be able to see them more often soon.  We shall see if that is able to happen.  I am hoping by summer to be able to put a bit of money away for the plane fare to see them at least once a year if not twice.  I feel so far away from them.

Next week is shaping up to be a good week.  I have 4 lessons tomorrow plus I will have the music copied and put in the binder.  Tuesday, I have 2 lessons.  I have a new lesson on Thursday.  On Saturday, I have 4 lessons and I am going to see Peggy this weekend so all in all it is shaping up to be a good week.  I also have some house work I plan to get done too.  I think I have a plan to do some where it won't cause extra pain.  My goal is to get the vacuuming the carpets and the floor in the utility room, kitchen, and dining room.  I will be putting the paints away and cleaning up the corner that they were in since before Christmas.  I also need to completely clear the kitchen counter off.  I did most of the dining room table last week and I have mostly kept it up.  I want to go to Joann's and get a new Valentine themed table cloth too.  I like having table cloths that go with the season.  I think I am ready for that again.  I had table cloths that matched every season but they were donated.  I will change the table cloth and then put it in the closet upstairs for next fall.  I didn't need to buy Christmas ones because I have 2 that are very nice.  I just didn't put them out.  I never got to it.



With how things are turning out, I do feel like Momma is watching out for me.  Things have really come together for me since she passed away.  I needed new students to pay the bills and I got them.  I need some more and I am sure that I will get them.  So far, the new company is happy with me.  I have marked all my lessons in a timely manner and so far everything has gone very well.  I am not anticipating any problems.  Kayla will have her music by this weekend and I hope that Amanda will have hers ordered.  The other Amanda needs solo and ensemble choices so I will have them ready for her on Saturday.  She is an alto.  I am hoping I know where my young singer alto book is.  It can't be too far.  Fortunately, almost all of my music has been put away so I will find it easily.

Well, it is almost time for bed.  I am rather tired tonight.  Crying makes me very tired.  I hope tomorrow I will be less tired.  The cold is almost gone, thank goodness.  I have just a bit of it left.  I figure by the end of the week it will be completely gone.  I do hope you are doing well and are not sick at all.