semi busy day

I had one lesson at about 12:15 this afternoon, then I  went grocery shopping, then I had 2 more lessons.  I believe it is the last lesson for Stephanie because tomorrow is Solo and Ensemble and that is what we were working towards.  I may have a new one because a mom called me today so that is hopeful.  She will take both piano and voice so that is awesome!  She is 15.  I hope her Mom calls back tomorrow and signs her daughter up.  I am hopeful!

It is supposed to be rather cold this weekend, so I am probably not going to go out this weekend.  I don't want to freeze, not at all.  I do have a nice new coat, but I don't like to freeze so unless I have to, I am not going out.  I am thankful for my new coat.  It definitely keeps me warm on these cold days.

I may have company on Sunday for dinner.  We shall see.  I have invited Tillie but she isn't sure if she is babysitting Warren or not.  I do hope she comes over.  It will be fun.  I plan on making beef stew and biscuits with cake as desert.  I haven't had anyone over for dinner since Thanksgiving week so I am hoping she comes over.  I guess she is planning to come over on Tuesday for shopping.  She doesn't always stop here when she goes shopping.  I don't shop very much.  I don't particularly like it.  It isn't very fun to me.  I did like shopping for Mom when we had the money for it.  I did like picking clothes for her, but I don't like it for me.

I am planning to go to bed a bit early tonight as I have to be up a bit early for lessons.  I have 4 lessons and book club tomorrow!  I am so excited about that.  I haven't seen Maggie since before Christmas.  I think I know what book we are going to read this next month.  My friend, Pattie wants to join our book club so hey, how cool is that?  I think it is neat.  She will get along really well with Maggie.  Maggie is just so nice.

It has been a nice day.  I am looking forward to the weekend.  I do hope yours is going well too!

Thursday

I was supposed to have 2 lessons today.  1 didn't show up.  I don't understand it, but she didn't.  The new company has a strong absent policy.  I decided to email her and see what the problem was so I am just waiting for the email.  I do hope to hear from her.  It is frustrating to want to teach a lesson that doesn't show.  Let's hope she will have a make up later this week.

I got a letter from DHS today.  Apparently, with my new part time job, I no longer qualify for food stamps or medicaid.  I knew this would happen, so it isn't a surprise.  It is not that bad of a thing as I anticipated it happening, I just didn't expect it so soon because I didn't expect so many new students.  I would rather have the new students than the assistance.  I think I am starting to get back on my feet.  I need 7 more students from the new company or some from the new company and from my website, either way would work for me.  I just need a few more students and I will be a-okay!  It does feel good to know that I can pay my own bills (mostly right now).  I look forward to the day when they all are paid right away and I don't stress over them.  If I had a choice, I would prefer that Momma would be here, but since I didn't have a choice, I am glad she taught me to be strong.  I can still be strong and have a chronic illness, can't I?  Fibro only takes my physical strength, it can't take all of my inner strength.  I won't let it.

I didn't get up too early today.  I could have, but I was being lazy.  Tomorrow I have a lesson first thing in the afternoon, so no laziness tomorrow!  I like having an earlier lesson because it gives me a reason to get up and get going.  That is important to me.  I had a dream about Mom and wanted to really think and remember her so that was part of my laziness this morning.

I was going to clean up the dining room table.  Maybe I will, maybe I won't.  We shall see.  I have to figure out what bills need to be paid right now.  Several automatically come out of the bank account (love that - nothing to forget!) so there are only a few left over.  I have music on the table too that needs to be removed.  I will do that this weekend after I am done copying everything that needs to be copied.

Saturday is book club too so that will be awesome.  I am really looking forward to it.  I love book club.  We haven't really had a book club since Momma passed away.  At first, I just couldn't really function enough to have one and then Christmas and the holidays, so we are having the first one now.  We were going to have one in December, but Maggie took me to lunch instead.  We had a great time.  We really did.  I just love Maggie.  She is such a good friend to have.  She and her husband, Bob, are such great people.  Bob is my student and he plays piano so well.  Just goes to show you are never to old to start.  My little Sarah Muglia will be beginning piano next month, so that is exciting to me.  She is a little doll.  She is 7 (I think).  The entire Muglia family is really awesome and very, very supportive.  They really helped me while Momma was dying.  The girls came to see Momma in the hospital and then they came to both the viewing and the funeral.  It was so wonderful to see them there supporting me.  They knew how difficult it was for me.

So basically, the next few days will be lots of fun.  Three lessons tomorrow, 4 lessons on Saturday plus book club!  I am looking forward to the next few days.  Things are improving for me.  I am finding I can do more than just function, I can sometimes enjoy myself again.  I am not as afraid as I was, so that is a big improvement.  I am working on giving it to God and not taking it back.  This week hasn't been too bad in that way.  I am going to start a Bible Study online.  It is by Beth Moore, called Believing God.  My friend, Kathleen is currently involved with it and says it is wonderful.  So we shall see how it goes.  I am looking forward to that.  I like doing studies and miss the friendships that come with studies.  I know this one will be different as I will be doing it online and not with a group, but that is okay.  Overall, I think it will be a good experience for me.

I do hope you are having a good day.  So far, it has been good outside of the disappointment of not having my student.

the blizzard of the year?

Well, we didn't get the amount of snow they predicted here in Michigan.  I am very thankful for that.  We got about 6 to 8 inches which isn't too bad.  Once again, I was blessed by a neighbor who shoveled my driveway and front walk this morning.  I am one lucky girl when it comes to the snow being shoveled.  I woke up this morning and looked outside to see how much we got and noticed that my snow was pretty much gone.  There was a bit on the ground because it was still snowing, but hey, it wasn't much and I am so happy not to have to shovel myself.  Of course, I have no idea how I would shovel myself, but I don't have to worry about it.  We are supposed to get a few inches this weekend.  Yuck.  I am ready for spring.  I am not ready for summer but definitely for spring.  I am a spring and fall girl.  I don't do well in winter and summer.  Extreme temperatures make me ache more whether it is too hot or too cold.  I have the little heater on tonight as I am still in my pajamas.  I didn't get dressed because I needed to do some laundry.  I was slightly out of clothes.  Oops!  I fixed that though.  I woke up nice and early for a change and really was happy about that.  I did take a brief, well, not so brief nap but that was to be expected since I woke up early.  It helped to cut back on 1 of the Tylenol PM last night.  I still slept okay, as good as I usually do, but I didn't sleep as long as I have been.  I feel like I should have done something more today, but I will work on stuff tomorrow.  I am thrilled that I have 2 lessons tomorrow.  My lovely Stephanie couldn't make it today as the weather is worse where she lives than where I live, so she is coming tomorrow instead.  I am happy about that.  I also have my usual Thursday girl, Koffi.  She is very nice and very sweet girl.  She has had one lesson so far as she was ill last week.  I do hope to see her tomorrow.  I have 3 lessons on Friday so that is even better and even better than that!  4 lessons on Saturday.  My Katie won't be having her lesson this week because of her schedule, so she is going to have her lesson next week instead.  I have a goal of having about 4 to 6 lessons Monday through Thursday and Saturday.  That would be enough for me and probably the most I can handle in a day.  I feeling pretty well overall these days.  I do have pain, but it isn't as bad as it could be so that is good.  My head does hurt everyday but the bad headaches are further apart than they used to be, or at this point.

I called a neighbor tonight to see if she knows who has been shoveling my driveway.  I am so thankful for that!  I really am!  Being disabled, it is difficult to do these things so I am so grateful that someone is taking care of me.  We have great neighbors.  When Momma was here, one of the neighbors would come and stay with her while I went grocery shopping.  At the end, she just couldn't walk that far so I had to go without her.  I miss hanging out with her all day.  I am used to it though.

I think some of the fear I had has gone away.  I don't feel so consumed by it this last few days.  I am thankful for that.  I still pray that the rest of the fear will go to.  God is so good!  He is really providing for me.  It is amazing to see how God is working in my life.  I am excited to see what will be happening in my life in the future.  A few months ago, I didn't imagine a future without Momma.  I couldn't see how I could live without her.  While I still have trouble with the fact she is gone, I am starting to see a future for me.  I still miss her all the time.  I imagine I always will.  We were best of friends but I feel like she is watching over me and cheering me on at times.  I will always wish she were still here with me, but I am able to live without her by my side all the time which is something I didn't think I would be able to do.  It is a day by day process with me, I think it will be for a long time.

Tomorrow I think I will be working on the dining room before lessons.  I want to clear off the table and put the bills in order to be paid tomorrow.  I am pleased that I can pretty much pay my bills now which was a problem when I didn't have the students I have right now.  I am thankful for what I have.  I am confident I will get the amount I need in the next few months and then I will be standing on my own two feet!  What a concept!  Me?  Independent?  Wow, what can I say?  Something I wasn't sure I would be able to do with the illnesses that I have.

All in all it has been a decent snow day.  I didn't do any work like I should have, but there is always tomorrow or later this week.  I do hope you are having a good day too!

preparing for the blizzard of the year

I am prepared, well, as prepared as one can get.  We are supposed to get somewhere between 12 and 18 inches of snow between tonight starting at 7 pm and 7 pm tomorrow night.  We shall see.  We didn't get the little bit of snow we were supposed to last night so it is a wait and see mode in the Paxton house for the snow.

My noon student rescheduled his lesson to Friday.  I had the choice of just marking it paid because he called so late or rescheduling it.  I chose to reschedule because he is brand new and interested in singing so why no give the opportunity to reschedule since I have the availability.  The new one tonight is on his way.  He called to see if he could start earlier and since I don't have Charlie tonight, it won't be a problem.  Charlie will have his lesson on Friday this week.  Charlie prefers to make up his lessons as opposed to just skipping them.  He is my kind of student!  Sometimes we double up on one because he missed the week before.  I don't mind.  We always have things to play.

My kitchen looks so pretty.  I don't want to mess it up by cooking!  Isn't that funny?  I am pleased with how everything looks.  I have my plans finalized for the family room.  I am pleased about that too.  Tomorrow I am going to empty the shuffle board and take pictures for my cousin of it.  I am hoping it will be gone by the end of February.  I am a bit worried on how they are going to get it out of the downstairs, but we will find a way.  It has been done before and we will do it again.  I am anxious to get going on the house, but know that it will take a long time to do.  I am starting on the living room tomorrow.  Only a few things need to be taken care of there so that isn't going to be a problem.  I have a couple of packages of disposable undies that I am taking to church so they can send them to the mission. The opened packs will just have to go in the garbage.  No one will take an open package.  I understand completely, but one of the packages only has 1 missing so it is practically full.  Oh well, I have no use for them and since I can't donate them, off they go.  I also have a couple of turtlenecks in the living room that will go to Phoebe.  I will be collecting all the hoodies that Momma never wore and be giving them to her also.  She is the only one I know besides the Muglia girls, that is small enough for them.  I am not sure if they would fit the Muglia girls, they may be too big for them.  I am not sure.  If Phoebe doesn't want them, then I will give them to the Muglia's.  I have several that are really nice and have never been worn that I bought Momma last summer.

It has been an okay day.  I went to get ink for Tillie's printer/scanner/copier because I needed to copy some music.  I will be getting my own shortly.  I have a few places to check into before I purchase one myself.  I will be putting the other computer and the scanner for that computer away tonight.  They are taking a lot of room up on the table.  Once I get my new all in one, I have several pictures to scan.  I found some old band camp pictures and boy are they funny!  The one of Kathy  though, is blurry so I am bummed about that.  I have a few other packages of pictures downstairs that I haven't looked at yet though.  I think most of that box is my pictures.  I am going to scan them all and then put them on disc.  This way I have them saved nicely.

I plan to work on the dining room again tomorrow.  I had the table nicely cleared and everything, then I needed some paperwork copied for social services and well, there went the nice and neat table.  I will also be writing some checks ready to mail for Thursday.  I am trying to stay on top of bills instead of behind on them.  That is my new goal.  To be better organized!  I have about 4 piles of music that still need to be sorted and put away.  I also need to put away the CDs

Anyways, my student should be here anytime now.  It has been a normal missing Mom day and a normal pain day so yeah for that!  I do hope you are having a good day and that you are safe from the weather we are supposed to get.  Stay nice and cosy!

Unexpected relaxing day

It isn't the day I anticipated, but that is okay.  It was a good day anyhow.  All of my students today are ill.  Bob, Calli, and Acer are all under the weather so I hope by next week they are fine and ready to go. I am hoping that Calli and Acer's Mom, Heather B-T doesn't get it from them.  I remember when I was in the hospital in 2008 really sick, several times, Mom stayed with me every time but one.  She wanted to stay the night, but they wouldn't let her.  I don't know if they have changed that policy, but I know they other hospitals in the area no longer have set visiting hours and people can stay the night if they want too.  I am glad about that.  The nurses thought Mom was so sweet to stay with me.  She was too.  I had people ready to stay with her at our house, but Mom preferred to be with me.  What can I say?  She was the best.

Acer likes to cuddle with his Mom when he isn't feeling very well.  Poor little guy.  I do hope they all get better rather shortly.

We are heading for the biggest snow fall of the season from what the news people say.  I am not sure if this is a good thing or not but either way, I am prepared.  I went to the store yesterday to get a few necessities so I am all set.

I am rearranging the kitchen counters tonight.  I have already started.  I decided I wanted to make some changes to make it look nicer.  I don't like how it looks right now.  It looks cluttered and unusable in places.  I moved different things around that will make them easier to use.  I also am going to make some bread tonight, unless I need eggs, because I just remembered I forgot to get eggs yesterday.  That could be a problem.  Hmm, maybe no bread until later this week.  I moved the microwave into a better place and I have the containers moving too.  I need a new bread box because I don't like bread left out on the table and I don't like it in the fridge.  I am weird that way.  I always have been.  I think I will look at walmart this weekend to see if I can find a bread box.  That would be perfect in the kitchen.

I have to pay some bills this week too.  I paid some today and I have more to do during the weekend.  I like to take the first weekend and take care of bills.  They are all lined up and ready to go.  I am slowly getting things together and organized.  I figure by spring I will be all set and ready to go.  That gives me plenty of time to get things the way I want them.  I am just starting to figure out how I want them.  I am starting with the kitchen.  I am also starting to use the pantry in the back room again.  It is a great storage place for things too.  There are baskets and shelving units in it.  It really is a good thing to use.  I just have to empty the boxes that are in front of one set of shelves.  I can't get into that set because of the boxes that are there.  I will work on that later this week.

Despite no lessons, it has been a good day.  I talked to Georgette on the phone for about 2 1/2 hours, I talked to Donna for about 1/2 hour.  My poor little phone is charging right now.  It so needs it because I talked so much on it today.

I do hope you are ready for the storm and are having a good day.

lovely day

It has been a very lovely day so far.  I met up with Peggy and her family for brunch and had a very good time.  I haven't seen Peggy in a few months so it was nice to catch up.  I haven't seen her parents for an even longer time so that was even better.  I can't believe Peggy's little guy will be 6 in March.  Wasn't he just born yesterday???  Seems that way to me.  Of course, I think the exact same thing with my niece and nephew.  It is unbelievable how quick they grow up on us.  After brunch, I went to Walmart's to pick up a few things.  I was running out of deicer for the front walk way and porch, so I needed to pick up that.  I also needed some bread as I don't care for the buns I bought.  They are very dry and I didn't care for them so I got some bread instead.  This was necessary as I now longer go up to Tim Horton's everyday because it is rather dull on my own.  If I am meeting someone, wonderful, but other than that, it just got boring.  I loved going there with Mom though, we always had a good time.  Even at the end, she had a good time going.  I do miss going with her to places a lot.  I don't particularly like being on my own all the time.  There are times when I like company, like when I go to the grocery store.  We always had fun going because I would have her pick out a treat for her like she used to do when we were small.  She always surprised that I would get her a treat.  Silly little Momma!  Her face would light up and she would take her time deciding on a treat.  It was so cute.  You would have thought she was a child, but that was really where a lot of her memory was, as a child, so there was no real surprise to me about that.  I loved going to Walmart because they always had cute clothes at a good price too and once a month we would look to see if there were anything she needed.  I looked everywhere last year for a pink hoodie and I could not find one anywhere.  This year?  They are all over the place!  It is so unfair.  She would have looked so cute in a pink hoodie.  of course, I thought she looked adorable everyday.  I always put cute clothes on her.  She had the cutest tee shirts and hoodies, many from Disney or of Disney Characters.  Momma loved her Disney stuff.

I did pick out something for me.  A package of screw drivers.  Now you may be wondering why.  Well, you see, in the Paxton house they walk away.  Whenever you need one, you can't find one.  I bought a package of them, I think there are 4 sizes of each type so I am set.  I just have to find a good place to put them so they won't disappear.  It is frustrating when you need one and they have disappeared.  I am going to get another tool box next month.  I am trying to build up my tools so that in the spring, if something needs to be fixed, I can do it.  Right now, I don't know what happened to my tool box.  It isn't anywhere.  I looked the other day when I wanted a screwdriver.  I am actually a little upset over the disappearing of tools.  Once, Mom and I had enough, now they seem to be gone.  It is as if people don't think we need them or something.  I do know how to fix stuff, just because there is a lot I need help with, doesn't mean I don't know how.  Who do people think fixed the house when it was needed?  Superman?  No, me and Mom fixed the stuff.  Fortunately, all the big stuff is done and it is only little stuff that will need to be done.  I can do the little stuff.  I will soon have the tools to do it.  I am glad I still have my saw and I think I still have a drill, I am not sure on that.  I am hoping I still have a drill.  I had two of them.  Come the spring, I will move stuff around in the garage and make room for my tools and tool box.  I don't know what happened to mom's tools either.  I think the next thing to buy will be wrenches.  All mine are gone.  I had a nice set too.  Well, I will have a nice set again.  The next month will be a set of socket wrenches, unless I find mine.  I am not sure what I have left in my set, or even if I have the set left.

I plan to do some lesson planning tonight and watching a bit of TV.  I have one student who is new this week.  He is more of a trial student.  I don't particularly like one trial lesson, but whatever, we shall see if he likes it.  I changed my profile info on the new company page.  I wrote out what books I use for voice, so they are not surprised.  I want then to know that there is classical and Broadway music that they will be learning, not pop.  It is important to realize this.  Most people are okay with it, but some do have a problem with that.  I also may have 2 new students that are not from the new company!  That is exciting too!  I am hopeful for this.

I do hope you are having a good day.  Mine has been so far.

snowy and busy day

I woke up to more white stuff this morning and once again, thankfully, a neighbor has cleared my front walk way and driveway.  I am very thankful to whoever is doing this.  I don't ever see who is doing this so I don't know at this point.  Either way, I am thankful!

I had 5 lessons today.  That is the most I have had in one day since I lost the store in August 2008.  I was so thankful for that many.  It makes me happier to teach.  I need my lessons during the week.  Next week I have 8 lessons with the new company and several of my old lessons so that is wonderful.  Pretty much everyday, except Sunday, have at least one lesson.  This will be the last week of Stephanie, as far as I know, because Saturday is her Solo and Ensemble Performance.  I will miss her as I have had her now for two weeks.  I have Amanda P for another 3 weeks before her Solo and Ensemble Performance.

All in all everything is coming together for me.  I do hope for the 7 more students (permanent ones) in the next month.  So far, I am doing alright.  I am not lightheaded anymore so I am glad about that.  I don't know what caused it, but oh well!

Friday!

It has been a pretty good day.  We have a bit more snow, but not too much.  My car is not covered.  The warmer weather melted the snow off my little car!  I simply love my little car.  It is a ford Focus and I have had very good luck with this one.  I really like it a lot.  I do hope to keep it for a long time because I don't drive very much any more.  I am thankful that I have the car for when I do need to go somewhere.  My brother, Andrew, actually picked it out for me.  The original one he picked out though had the loud mufflers on it and a couple of other extras that I didn't want so I went with a different one, same color.  I will, however, avoid getting a red car again as it is a target color for police or so I have heard.  I have only had 1 speeding ticket in it from 2006 right after I got it.  I was following Richard on our way on vacation.  Richard was going in and out of traffic and that got us both in trouble.  We both got tickets.  His children had a good chuckle at that because big brother got little sister in trouble.  They teased their Dad about that the entire trip.  We were much more careful going home.  I really try not to speed anymore.  I like taking my time to view the world around me.  I find speeding causes me to worry about getting tickets and getting caught so I just don't do it much anymore.

I have been feeling a bit better today although I didn't sleep well at all last night.  I was just so afraid until about 5 am.  I am afraid sometimes at night of break ins.  Now, I live in a relatively safe neighborhood, we have been blessed to not have a break in since I was a child but sometimes I have trouble sleeping between 2 and 5.  Once 5 am comes, I am out like a light for the rest of the morning.  I have a new plan for this if it happens again tonight.  It has been a long while since I have had this happen to me.  I have had nights I couldn't sleep very well, but those nights were due to pain not to fear.

I had one lesson today.  As of right now, it is the last lesson of Stephanie.  Her solo and ensemble performance is next week, Saturday.  She is close to being ready.  She wasn't feeling too well today because she is coming down with a cold.  I do hope I do not get it.  I don't need another one this year.  I have had 2 and they were pretty bad.

I have 5 lessons tomorrow.  I am rather excited about that.  I have lessons from 12 noon to 4 pm.  I haven't heard from Rachel and Rebecca so i don't know if they are coming at 4 or not.  If they do, great, if they don't, well that isn't too good as they haven't had lessons for a month.  Competition is next month and they are not prepared at this point.  I am getting worried.  They wanted to come about 1 but I have a student at that time so that is not possible.  I let them know that 4 pm is available so who knows.  I will just wait and see.  I have a new student starting tomorrow with piano.  It is the first new piano student since November when Alyssa started.  I do hope Alyssa will be coming back now that January is over.  The new student has a 45 minute lesson which is something I generally don't do, but with the new company, they offer it so I do it.  I find that I am able to fill the 45 minutes pretty well.  I do hope this adult stays.  Tuesdays new adult only has scheduled one lesson and I am not really happy about that as I hate trial type lessons because generally they don't stay.  I do think you have to give lessons at least a few weeks to see if it is something you would like to stick too.

All in all, it has been a pretty good day.  I slept in a lot again due to not sleeping well last night.  I am heading for bed early because I need to be up a bit early tomorrow.  I don't mind.  It is good to get up for a good reason.  Mondays and Saturdays are my best days of the week since they are the busiest.  I really like those two days a lot.

I do hope you are having a good day.

A better day

It is such a better day today, although I really slept in.  I think a week without my thyroid medicine has taken a toll on me.  Oops, I just didn't have the money until today so what could I do?  Well, when my friend, Donna found out I hadn't been taken it, she was horrified.  She told me next time to ask her to borrow the money and pay her back when I get the money.  I hoping that with the adjusting of when money comes in, this will not happen again.  I figured it was okay to miss the thyroid stuff for a brief period, but boy I am even more tired than usual.  It is crazy.  I slept until 2:30 this afternoon!  I mean, I went to bed at midnight.  Yeah, crazy.  I think I am taking too much Tylenol PM too so I am going to cut back 1 and see if that helps.

I only have my normal chronic headache today.  I have given up on trying to get help with it because nothing has worked and as the specialist said, there isn't too much they can do about these types.  What ever, I guess, nothing I can do about it.  With the slight warm up of the temperature, in the 20's instead of zero, the hips are in better shape today.  I think overall, today is a better day.  I am not in as much pain as I have been and I am not so afraid today.  Today, I am thinking more positive about stuff.  I am going to start a bible study with myself to help with the fear that I have.  My friend, Kathleen is taking it now and says it is a real eye opener on trust and other issues like that.  I think it will help me a lot.  I really do.

I didn't have Koffi for her lesson today.  She had to cancel for some reason.  I left a message with her mother and I do hope to her back from her about a makeup day.  If I don't, then I will just mark the lesson because she didn't give too much notice, about an hour before the lesson was to be started.  The company that I am working for has a strict policy and I am glad about that because it is frustrating to plan a lesson that is cancelled an hour before the lessons.  However, I would prefer that we make up the lesson rather than she pay for a skipped lesson so I am not marking it until tomorrow.  I am hoping I hear from her mom by then.

I have another new student starting Tuesday for an hour.  He is 58 and wants to learn to sing properly.  I am happy about all these new students.  I now need 6 more.  I may be getting my brother's best friend's son for a student too and that would mean I need 5 more.  Things are progressing well for me now.  I am still fearful, but today, it isn't consuming me like it did yesterday.  i thinking writing it out and admitting it out loud to my friends made a huge difference.  It also made me realize that I am not alone which is another big help.  I am so thankful and blessed to have such good friends, really I am.

Since I didn't have a lesson this afternoon, I went grocery shopping earlier than planned.  This was a good thing as the roads are getting slightly bad with the snow that is coming down.  It looks so beautiful though and the way the snow sits on the branches of the bushes is simply gorgeous, it gives me a queer ache inside because it is so beautiful.  I love looking at the snow, I just don't love driving in it nor do I love the super cold weather of the snow sometimes.  Today, the temperature is a bit warmer and with my new warm coat, I was toasty warm inside.  With my old coat, I would have been chilled, but not the new one.  It is designed for super cold weather of Michigan.  I picked up a few things for lunches now that I am not going to go to Tim Horton's everyday.  It is just not fun anymore.  I sit by myself and read.  Well, it is starting to be a bit too expensive too so I need to cut back on that expense and only go every so often.  I did go today because I had no lunch stuff yet in my house, but now I do.  I didn't really need to pick up much in the meat department because I bought some last week.  I am going to make the beef pot roast tomorrow.  That will be yummy.  I like cooking in the crock pot.  I also remembered that I have a bit more chicken in the freezer so I didn't need to buy anymore of that.  I think I am pretty well stocked up for the next few weeks.  It is a good thing, I think.  I am getting much better at cooking for one or cooking for more and splitting the meal for more than one meal.  I think this will help me lose weight as I am buying healthier food for me.

Not much happening this evening.  I am working on my plan of attack, as I call it, for organizing the house.  Next week I plan to start working on the house so that by spring, it is ready for visitors and looking simply splendid.  I do love my house.  I have such good memories here.  Yes, I used to have the bad memories too, but the nice thing about Fibro

All in all, a much better day.  Less pain, less fear, make a better day.  I do hope yours was good as well.

A realization

A blog I read, a Place called Simplicity, reminded me again today how consumed with fear I am.  I have been ever since the start of summer when Mom went downhill.  I am literally, at times, consumed by it.  I am afraid of so many things now that I am alone and on my own.  I am trying to really trust that God will take care of me, and I have much proof that He is, but still I am afraid.  I needed new students to pay my bills, I got new students (I got another new one today that will start next week), I needed a way to stay in the house, I am able to stay in the house.  I have been afraid to be alone, I now can sleep in the house comfortably alone, yet I am still consumed at times by fear.  I need to break the chains of fear.  I don't know how other than praying for that which I have done consistently for the last 3 months.  I was afraid after Momma passed away I would get sicker than I already am, I didn't get sicker.  I was so afraid that I would go into a flare or that the vasculitis that has been dormant for 7 years now, would show up again.  It didn't.  I have proof after proof that I am not alone, yet still, I am consumed by fear.  I am at a loss of how to get out of this fear.  I know that fear is not from God, but I can't get up from under it.  When I get scared, I go and take a nap because then I don't focus on it.  I sleep way to much at times.  I am glad that I am getting to teach more lessons because that brings me out of fear while I am teaching and sometimes even after I am done teaching.  I am afraid to stop missing Mom because will that mean I will forget Mom?  I don't know.  I just know I am completely, most of the time, consumed by fear.  I need help in breaking this cycle.  I have never been such a fearful person as I am right now.  I feel like I am walking in mud and fear is holding me back.  I don't like this feeling.  I want to stop being afraid of everything all the time.  I don't remember how to stop being afraid, it has been here since May when I first took Mom to the hospital and it hasn't left me yet.  What do I do?  I have been praying about it a lot.  I ask God to take the fear away every night, and it is still here.  I need to stop being afraid and start living again, right now, I am just existing.

a better day

It has been a much better day today.  No tears for the day, thank goodness!  It is just a normal missing mom day.  It seems so strange to be living here in the house while she is in Heaven but I don't want to live anywhere else.  Sometimes, I can feel her presence in the house and I like that.

I had a new student this afternoon.  I was getting kind of worried because he was 15 minutes late.  It was okay because I didn't have anyone after him, so that was fine.  He seems very interested in learning to sing properly and get back to where he thinks he was a few years ago before a horrible accident.  He has a nice sound.  We started with the usual, Caro Mio Ben and he did very well.  He has the list of books he needs to get for next week.  I didn't have him get a Broadway book because I have a couple that I really like and couldn't choose between them which ones I wanted him to get.  What can I say?  I have some great books.

I am going to go to Windsor for a couple of hours tomorrow.  I haven't been there since December.  I don't know when the Windsor people are going to come and visit me anytime soon, but that is okay.  I am mostly doing alright.  Yes, I have my bad days, as noted from yesterday, but overall, I am adjusting to this new life alright.  It isn't always easy, but it is my life now.  I am hoping that I will see Richard and family in the summer.  That is my goal.  Kathy is hopefully going to be able to come and visit in a few weeks and spend the weekend.  I can't wait for that because we will have fun.  I have book club next Saturday, which will actually be the first time we have had book club since Momma passed away in October.  In December when we were supposed to have book club, Maggie took me to lunch instead.  I had a good time.  It was nice to visit with her since I hadn't actually visited her since September.  She was at the viewing and the funeral, but that isn't a place for visiting as I was rather busy and upset at the time.  It was one of the hardest days of my life.  I don't think anything else will ever be so hard.

It has been a good day today.  I even braved the cold to go get dinner.  I just wasn't into cooking anything today so off to taco bell I went.  I haven't been out since Friday because it has been so cold.  It is finally warming up a bit, if you call in the 20s warm, compared to below zero, it is down right balmy!  I have several students this week.  I do need to get the piano books for the next new student on Saturday.  He is an adult and has always wanted to know how to play the piano so he is starting this Saturday.  I am hopeful for 7 more students with this new company.  They send email updates on your profile page once a week which is really nice because you can see how many people checked out the profile.  They do not use last names or any other identifying  information unless you sign up.  Even then, they don't know the last name.  I love teaching out of the house.  I have decided that I am not going to to change that anytime soon because it is so nice to have them come here for lessons.  It is so convenient if I need some music, I just turn on the computer and look it up then go down the stairs to pull the music out.  Very helpful if I need something right away.  I did find some other music that needs to be put away.  I will work on this during this week.  I would like to have all the music put away by the end of the weekend.  Then I plan to organize the CDs.  I found some more the other day that have been sitting next to me on the floor next to the piano for a good 8 to 9 months and didn't realize they were there.  What a lovely surprise it was to find them.  Several of them were ones I have needed recently so I was very happy to find them.  My CDsCDs will take a little bit longer but since there are some in order, I just have to put the CDs where they belong.  Then I will be up to day with the music.  Give me 2 weeks and I will be done.  The one thing I do want to get soon is an all in one printer with copier capability.  It will help not lose music.  I have several binders and I want to create some binders for each vocal student with extra songs we will be doing but I won't have to loan out the music.  I am trying not to loan out too much music as that is how it gets lost.  Binders are so much easier plus the student gets to keep a copy of the music.  As an educator, by law, I am allowed 1 copy per student for educational purposes only.  I always have the original music with me whenever there is a performance or competition.

Overall, a much better day.  I do hope tomorrow is a good day too.  It is not supposed to be very cold like it has been which is good.  I am very glad about that.