wonderings 2-12

I had such a wonderful day yesterday.  I had a couple of lessons and then headed to Barnes and Nobles to meet up with former students, Kelly Lynn and Star.  I have seen Kelly Lynn a few times as she is a new teacher and has many questions.  It is so exciting to see her all grown up and a teacher.  I was her first piano and voice teacher.  Star, I haven't seen since 2001 although I have spoke with her on face book.  The lovely thing about face book, reconnecting with people!  I arrived after them but not too late.  We had such a good time.  As a matter of fact the first time we looked at the time, it was 7:40 pm!  Yes, 5 hours after we arrived!  Well, we continued to talk and talk and talk.  We ended up closing the store at 11 pm.  So all in all, we were there visiting for 8 1/2 HOURS!  Talk about an amazing time.  Both girls have grown up to be simply wonderful young women as they are 24 and 25 respectively.  I am so thankful that I was a part of their childhoods.  I really am.  I have been so blessed to have worked with so many wonderful students over the last 25 years.  We three are planning a movie night together.  There are a couple of movies that we want to see so we are going to see them together.  I am so thankful I was with them yesterday.

On thing has been bothering me for the last 16 months.  Some days I feel I am doing pretty well going through the grieving process but other days I feel like I am sinking.  I am not lonely in general, I am lonely for Momma.  You might say I am homesick for my mother.  What question that constantly goes through my head is how to I want to want to go on.  Some days getting up is so hard because I just want to hide under the covers.  I find myself wishing that today or tonight, depending on what time of day it is, to die that night.  How do you want to want to get up in the morning?  How do you want to want to live a long and successful life?  I don't know.  I really don't.  This is very hard to admit for me.  I don't feel like I am suicidal or anything like that.  I do know Mom wanted me to have a good life and be successful.  She was proud that I was a teacher and loved listening to my students whether it was at their lessons, competition, or recitals.  I am not thinking of ways to kill myself.  Nothing like that.  I just don't know how to start wanting to want to live without my mother.  Will this come too after more time?  I don't have as many days with the physical pain of missing her.  I can talk about her now without crying, although sometimes I do still cry, but they are few.  Like I said, I don't feel lonely in general, just lonely for Momma.  I do do things that I enjoy and can find enjoyment in them such as visiting with friends, reading, watching TV and movies.  Once I am up and awake, I do okay during the rest of my day.  I enjoy my lessons.  I do love teaching.  I do have to write down everything that I plan to teach for the students, but I have been doing that for years so this is nothing new for me.

Anyways, Law and Order: SVU is on.  It is a marathon.  I love these marathons.  I hope you are having a good day.

Friday 2-10

It has been an interesting day.  First, I met up with my dear friend, Maggie for lunch.  We went to the Olive Garden, one of my favorite restaurants.  Their soup and salad is awesome.  We had such a good time chatting away.  I haven't really had a chance to catch up with her in several months.  She is just so busy at work.  Maggie has a new work schedule now so we are planning to meet up once a month.  We are going to have our own little book club so I get to go and pick out the next book we will read.  I am thinking of the latest Kristin Hannah book as I love her books a lot.  The only book of hers that was really hard to read was the one before this one called, "Night Road".  It is about teenage drinking and driving and the worse thing that can happen to a family and community.  I think it really makes a person think about choices we make everyday and how one bad choice can virtually ruin your life and others.  The young person in the book was the least drunk out of the 3 teenagers (2 of who by the way, were only 1 mile from home) and they get in a really bad accident.  It is a book I will probably only read once because it is so hard to read with that much grieving in it.

I wrote out my valentines for my students today.  I didn't write the adults any because I didn't think they would care whereas my little ones would.  It has been a few years since I have given any valentines but I felt like it today.  Usually, I make a big deal out of it for mom.  Her last Valentine's Day was in 2010 and we went out to lunch that afternoon.  I bought her a stuffed bear with a balloon that said Happy Valentine's Day.  Before that year I would really go all out for Mom on all the holidays.  It made me happy to see her smile and laugh.  Sometimes we would go to a movie too.  I loved taking Mom to the movie that last few years.  Even before then, Mom and I loved going to the movies together.  This year, I will be teaching on Valentine's Day.  It will be a good day since I will be teaching.

I am working on changing my sleep schedule.  I am trying to go to bed a bit earlier so I will be up earlier.  This way, I will be able to get what I need for teaching that day and have plenty of time to get ready for lessons.  Lately, I have been staying up too late and then sleeping in later than I used too.  I am working on changing that.  I really need to.  I know sometimes I stay in bed late because of boredom and not having something to do.  I will fix that though this coming month.  I am giving myself a month to fix this new plan.  I need to set myself some new goals.  I don't have any right now.  I will have some by next month too.

I am getting tired now.  I am going to read a bit and go to bed.  I hope you are having a good day and evening.

what day is this??? Brain fog 2-8

I almost wrote Thursday as the title to this post.  Brain fog moment.  I am having trouble this year writing the proper year.  I don't know why.  Either I write 2011 or 2013, somehow I keep missing the 2012.  I am not sure because I KNOW I don't want to repeat 2011 and I am not ready to be in 2013.  I rarely know what day it is.  I have to totally depend on my planner to know what day it is and what I have to do.  If I don't write what I need to do, it doesn't get done.  My students know that I must write down what they need or I won't get it for them.  Every night before I go to bed i must check my planner to see what time I have to get up the next day.  I try to pull any music or CDs that I need after the lessons are over for the day so I will have it for the next day.  Right now, my biggest thing is that the music must be put away.  It is really getting to be an issue as I need to start pulling the movie music for the spring concert.

Bob forgot his music today.  Fortunately, I have the songs in other books.  We also did some sight reading. All in all it was a good lesson despite him forgetting his books.  Brooke and Jillian are learning how to read music now.  I am rather pleased with their progress.  Their big sister, Aubrey, has been reading music for the last few weeks.  They are all doing so well.

Person to Person is going to be interviewing Jon Bon Jovi in a few minutes.  Kathy and I love the band Bon Jovi a lot.  I think it is both of ours favorite band.  It is a great interview so far!  I remember going to see them in concert.  I have seen them in concert about 8 times but not on the last few tours though.  They are really good in concert.  Their opening acts have not always been so good, but that is okay, they are and that is what counts.

The head has been back to the normal pain level today.  When I had the cold, it hurt way more than normal.  I am thankful the cold is over, or at least I think it is.  It seems to be over now.  I hope not to get another for a while.  Several of my students have been absent to because of flues and colds.  Most are feeling better again so I should have a full load next week.  That will be good.

I am tired now so I am going to read for a bit and then head for bed.  I hope your day was a good one.

Start of a new week 2-6

Mondays are nice in the Paxton household because it starts another musical week for me.  Outside of the extra tiredness, I am feeling back to normal, well, as normal as I can get!  The students did well today.  The new ones seem like they will stay or at least I hope so.  One is an adult and the other is a 10 year old girl.  the adult is learning piano and the 10 year old is a singer.  She has a nice voice and seemed to like the music I picked.  She brought a notebook and a binder like I requested.  I am almost out of page savers so I am going to need to pick some later this week.

I almost forgot to dry my clothes that I need for bedtime.  Silly me!  I did finally remember about 25 minutes ago.  I don't remember how long they take to dry though so I will be up until they are dry.

I am having the subdivision homeowners board of directors meeting here tomorrow.  I am rather excited about it.  I have pop and tea for people as well as some snacks, M & M's and pretzels.  That should be good.  I wanted to get some chex mix instead of pretzels, but they didn't have any so it is pretzels instead.  I have never hosted the meeting where people have actually come so we shall see if they come tomorrow.  In 2010, we were supposed to have a meeting at my house but no one came.  I was actually upset at the time, but that was a long time ago.  I know so far that at least 2 neighbors will be here.  I hope that we don't have tons of people here as I don't have that much room, but at least 3 or 4.

Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman is on right now.  I have every episode on DVD but still, I love this show.  Mom loved it too.  So far, I think the Hubel family like it too.  I have loaned them season 1.  I told them when they were done with season 1 to let me know and then I will loan them season 2.  This episode is where Dr. Quinn is pregnant.  I don't remember the exact happenings, but since all the episodes were good, i imagine this one will be too.  I remember watching this with Mom after we bought the DVDs.  Cloud Dancing has been injured in this episode.  I don't remember it too well.

Well, my clothes should be dried rather shortly, so I will get ready for bed.  I have a blood test tomorrow afternoon.  I have tried to drink a lot of water today.  I will drink some more before I go to bed.  I do hope you have had a good day!

superbowl Sunday, 2-5

It is the Superbowl today although I will not be watching.  I am watching the Law and Order SVU marathon.  I went to see "Beauty and the Beast" 3D today with my girls.  It was a lot of fun.  I really enjoy being with my girls.  They are all so cute.  Lydia is almost as tall as Natalie.  She has about 1/2 inch to go and she will be as tall as Natalie.  I think Hannah is a bit taller than Natalie.  Sarah, of course, has several years to go before she will be as tall as her sisters.  Sarah is 8 while the twins are 16 and Lydia is almost 15.  She turns 15 this month.  We all really liked the movie.  It is my favorite.  We are hoping that they will also release "the Little mermaid" as a 3D too since it is Natalie's favorite.  I am sorry we missed "the Lion King" last month.  It was only showing for 2 weeks so the window of opportunity was very short so we missed it.  It appears the next one will be in the fall, "Finding Nemo".  I remember that movie.  It was good.  I saw it with Mom and Lily.  Mom really liked it, too.

It was a quiet weekend.  I did go to Heather B-T's church last night for game night.  We played Dungeons and Dragons again.  I think we will be playing that about once a month now.  It is okay, I am getting more familiar with it.  I cursed the bad guys again last night.  I play a cleric.  My character name is Luca.  It was Lucas when the guy played him, but now that I am playing the cleric, I changed the character to female and  changed her name.  Calli plays the game too.  She was also knitting last night.  Calli is very good at knitting and was learning a new technique, one she had never used before.  I think she was doing a good job.

The cold is almost gone.  All that is left is some extra exhaustion.  I have slept more this past week than I have in a long time.  I will freely admit, that I have been enjoying being able to sleep a bit better than usual.  It has been rather nice.  I am not sure if it is the NyQuil I have been taking although I did take some DayQuil too and I still fell asleep with it.

Tomorrow is a lighter day for lessons as Bob has rescheduled for Wednesday and Rachel for Saturday.  I just love little Rachel.  She is such a cutie!  She had her lesson yesterday and is almost ready to start a new hand position with new notes.  Rachel and I giggle a lot during lessons.  Nothing is a beautiful as a child's laughter to me and their smiles.  I love it when their whole face lights up with their smile and laughter.  I loved it when Mom smiled and laughed too.  I guess I like all laughter and smiles.  Rick is doing well.  He will be here for 2 or 3 more lessons before he will be gone again for several months.

Competition is in 2 weeks.  I can't believe it is so close.  I am anxious to see Kathy that weekend too.  I sure hope she is available to hang out.  I hope to see her  a couple of times that weekend.  I am leaving early on Friday so I can spend some time with her before going to the hotel, if she is available.

Apparently, TNT has a Law and Order marathon too.  I am watching the regular Law and Order right now.  I will alternate between the SVU and regular one.  A pleasant night for me!  I do hope you are having a pleasant one too!!!

cold is going away slowly 2-3

I am slowly getting better.  I am still very, very tired, but that is to be expected with having such a bad cold.  I did sleep a bit better last night, but I am sure it is the extra cold medicine that is helping me sleep.  I am planning to, again, go to sleep earlier than usual.  I am teaching at 11:30 tomorrow.  It is Julian's last lesson tomorrow.  She is a temporary student who is learning music strictly for the musical she is in.  She is such a wonderful girl.  The musical she is in is "Mulan Junior".  I didn't even know that there was a play of "Mulan".  I thought it was just a movie.  Boy, was I wrong.  She is doing so very well with her part.  Julian is playing the part of Mulan.  I think she will be wonderful.  The play is in either March or April.  I can't remember which.  I will ask again tomorrow.  I also have my lovely Rachel tomorrow.  I was sick on Monday so Rachel couldn't have her regularly scheduled lesson.  She has to also reschedule because her grandmother is on vacation for most of the month.  I will only see her for 3 lessons this month.  She is such sweet little girl.  She is 6 and very excited about learning piano.  Tomorrow I will also see my cousin, Hayley as long as the weather holds out.  I hope we will go out for lunch/early dinner too.

I am getting tired now so I think I shall head to be shortly.

Ground Hog Day 2012

I have no idea if the ground hog saw his shadow or not.  In Michigan, it never seems to matter, there is always much more winter to go!  This has been a strange winter, but believe me, I am NOT complaining!  I am liking it because I haven't been freezing as usual.  Usually at this time of the year, I have the little heater going every night but I don't because it hasn't been below zero too much.  We have had a bit of snow but not too much.  I know more is coming but I don't know when because I didn't watch the news today.  I will check the website.  Be right back!

It is going to be in the mid 40s for the next few days.  No snow until next week at this time, thank goodness for that!

I didn't go to choir practice tonight because I am still not feeling 100%.  I hope I am feeling better by Sunday, we shall see.  This cold has really been a bad one in the way that it wipes me out a lot.  I think I slept from Saturday afternoon to Tuesday evening straight through and then yesterday I slept a lot when I wasn't teaching, same with today.  I plan to rest a lot again tomorrow when I am not teaching.  This weekend my cousin is supposed to stop over when she is shopping in town.  I have a couple of packages that she had ordered here to give her.

I wonder if she wants to go out to eat after she picks up her packages.  I have a couple of gift certificates that I can use.

Anyways, not much going on.  I have had a bad headache for the past few days because of the cold.  It just makes the normal headache hurt more.

Oh my!  Breaking Dawn part 1 comes out on February 11.  I will have to get that one.  I have to eventually watch the Eclipse movie.  I still haven't watched it.  I did see Breaking Dawn part 1 though.  I can't believe we have to wait until Thanksgiving to see part 2.

I do hope you are having a good day.  I hope I am feeling back to normal tomorrow.  Having a cold and fibro at the same time is not a pleasant experience!  Ugh!

Slowly getting better 2-1

I am slowly getting better after a few days of being down and out.  I DID teach lessons today.  I am glad that I was able to teach today.  I had my Muglia girls and Bob as well as my usual few.  I think it was a good day all around.  Yes, I am very tired.  I will go to bed early again tonight.  I did sleep okay last night. I didn't wake up as many times to blow my nose as I did the other nights.  I think I will be up for a movie on Sunday with my girls!  "Beauty and the Beast" here we come!  (As long as it is still playing!)  The girls did well in their lessons.  I was surprised (a nice on though!) that the three older girls picked to play a classical piece as a part of their assignment.  They like all types of music and that makes me happy.  They like classical and don't mind playing it, they actually like playing the classical stuff.  They play it beautifully too.  Right now the twins are playing a Sonatina by Clementi.  It was kind of funny that they both picked the same piece.  It just spoke to them.  The other picked a different Sonatina by Spindler.  Both Sonatinas that they picked are some of my favorite.  I just love Clementi's music so much.  His sonatinas are simply wonderful.  My girls are going to come over in the next few weeks and help me file away my music.  I so need some help with this.  I am drowning in the music that needs to be put away.

I have several absences tomorrow.  Breanna is still very ill so she won't be here.  Brooke is in Disney World with the dance team at her school.  They are competing in the Nationals.  I am so excited for her.  Her sister, Brianne has a basketball game so basically, they are all absent.  I have choir practice tomorrow.  I hope my voice is up with it tomorrow.  I guess I will just have to wait and see!

I had sent a check yesterday for my luncheon ticket.  Silly me, I don't have to pay for that since I am on the Board of Directors.  Pattie called to let me know and also to see if I would like to sit with her at the luncheon as i have no one else going to the luncheon.  I said yes and also told her to shred the check.  I voided it out from my check book.

Oh, Sunday is the Superbowl.  Hm, you sure can tell I pay attention to football.  I wonder if this means the movie theatre will be less busy?  One never knows.  I am not sure that the movie is even playing still.  I will check right now.  Yes it is still playing.  It is playing more times at the Theatre near me and only a few times at the theatre near the girls.  I am not sure what one we will go to.  I will decide by Saturday where we shall see the movie.  Also, there is a Law and Order marathon on TNT Sunday.  wow, "Beauty and the Beast" and "Law and Order" marathon!  Great day for me!!!  Not to mention 2 lessons. Aaiyana and Rick.  Aaiyana is a make up from yesterday and Rick will have his regularly scheduled lesson.

I am really getting tired now.  I think I will read a bit and then go to bed.  I do hope you have a good evening and a good night's sleep!

Tuesday - still sick

I again, had to cancel lessons this afternoon.  I had to yesterday too.  I haven't had to cancel lessons due to illness in about a year or so or more.  I am feeling better tonight than I have felt since Saturday afternoon when the cold seemed to arrive in full force.  I foresee being able to teach tomorrow though, so that will be good.  My nose has improved as well as the coughing.  I pretty much have slept all day and night since about Saturday afternoon when I finished teaching and came home from lunch with my cousin.  I called all my students and let them know about no lessons tonight, then I went right back to bed.  I will be heading back there rather shortly.  I am getting tired again.

The commercial for the Excelon patch was just on.  It makes me think of Mom and how much I miss her.  She was on the patch for a couple of years until about the last 8 months of her life when it wasn't doing anything for her.  There really isn't to help at the very end stages, unfortunately, at least nothing that helped Momma.  She was such a smiling mom.  She smiled a lot.  If she wasn't, I would say, where is the pretty smile?  and she would smile.  I miss her smile and laugh most of all.  I miss her hugs and kisses and giving her hugs and kisses too.  She was so easy to give a hug or a kiss to.  I told her every day how much I loved her.  Sometimes I would ask if I had told her how much I loved her today.  Sometimes she would say yes I told her and other days she would say, no I didn't.  Mom was just so cute.  I wonder if the boys miss her as much as I do.

Not much is happening tonight as I am still rather ill.  As I said, lessons were canceled.  I feel alright right now, I am a bit more tired than usual at this time of night, but that is because of the annoying cold.  I do hope you are feeling fine and have missed the cold and flues that are floating around.  Stay as healthy as you can!!!!

Some eye candy of the little lady!  I love the smiles!

Sunday - the end of the month

So far I have finally stopped coughing.  I do wish the nose would stop running, not get stuffed up, just cleared up.  It is like a faucet, it seems to never end.  It woke me up in the night too.  However, since it could have been much worse, I will take the leaky nose and all the other symptoms instead of the vasculitis.

Not much has happened today.  I missed church this morning because I just didn't feel well.  I emailed the director last night as I knew there was no way I would feel well enough to go.  I did teach one lesson this afternoon then I took a brief nap.  Wendy came over to pick up the weight bench she needs.  I had one in the indoor patio and I certainly don't need it.  After she left, I went back to bed for another nap.  I am really tired tonight and I foresee going to bed early.  I am getting up earlier than usual because of lesson tomorrow.  It is the once a month lessons for my girls.  We were supposed to go and see "Beauty and the Beast" but with me not feeling so good, I had to postpone to next week.  I hope it is still playing next week.  Star Wars is coming back into theatres too in 3D although there will be some screens for the regular movie too.  Thank goodness for that!  I am not sure about this 3D.  I am trying it with the "Beauty and the Beast" so we shall see how I do.  I have a hard time with stuff coming at my face.  I have always had this issue.  I think I should be okay with the "Beauty and the Beast" movie since I know it really well, at least I am hoping it will be okay.

Well, there is a Law and Order SVU marathon on right now.  I have seen this episode before and it is a good one.  Then again, there aren't really any bad ones that I have seen.  I enjoy watching Law and Order both the SVU one and the regular one.  I also liked the Trial by Jury one they had a few years ago.  Unfortunately, they cancelled it and that was that for it.  I did buy the DVDs for that season.  I have watched them a few times.  Mom liked them too.  Before she became afraid of TV, Mom and I watched them weekly.  Once she became afraid of TV (about April to May 2010), we didn't watch them anymore.  I haven't seen any new ones in about 2 years now.  I don't even remember when it is on TV now.  It used to be Tuesday at 10pm, but I think it is Wednesdays now but I am not really sure.  I also know that the character Eliot has left the show but Olivia is still there.  I like the actress who plays Olivia.  She is really good.

I do hope you have had a good day.  I think I have slept through most of it and plan to go to bed soon.

Yup, it is official, it is only a cold! Whew, what a relief!

I am a semi happy camper today.  I say semi because I feel like crap but I am happy that it is only a cold and not the start of vasculitis.  I always worry that the vasculitis may come back but so far, it hasn't!  Thank God for that!

Anyways, I have a cold, but it is only in my head, so that is good.  I was able to teach the 3 lessons without much trouble though so I glad about that.  I will be going to bed rather early tonight though because I am very tired.  I am actually ready for a nap right now.  Wow, this is crazy!

Lessons went well except for the brief coughing attack in the middle of Brooke's lesson.  I quickly got it under control and we went on.  Both girls are doing really well.  Camille finished her level 2 books and is ready to start level 3.  I am so pleased and proud of her.  She seems to love piano and is doing a wonderful job.  She finishes these books awfully fast, let me tell you.  I am sure she will do the same with these books too.

I hope you are having a good day.  I am going to nap now.  I am going to put my pajamas on and crawl back into my warm, comfy bed.