Hmmmmmmmmmm, it has been a rather quiet type day. Isaac had a lesson, Allison had her lesson, and soon, Antoinette will have her lesson. Antoinette and I seem to talk so much before and after a lesson. Today she starts level 3 books. It is pretty cool especially since she only started in about September. She also played the flute through out high school so that has definitely helped her a lot. I went and picked up her books this afternoon after Isaac's lesson. I didn't even check out the new books and sheet music the store had. I went in, got the books I needed, ordered the one that they were out of, paid, and then walked out. Let me tell you, that is the HARDEST thing to do! Sheet music stores are one of the worst stores for me to go into to! I always think I need more music when really, I don't. I have 3 legal size filing cabinets filled with music. Serious, I mean completely filled, not with one inch of space left. I now have to put new music in a box because it doesn't fit in the cabinets. I would get another file cabinet, however, there is no room in the office for it so I can't get one. I wish I had a place to put one but I don't. I do try to refrain from buying new music. Since all the Harry Potter movies are done, I now have all the piano books for them. I don't need anymore. I am so thankful to my mom though, because she catalogued all of my music and that was a HUGE job. Thankfully, mom was a patient little mom and did this important job for me. Okay, at first, I didn't see the necessity of this job, but I quickly realized how much easier it was to find what I needed by having everything on the computer. I just check find, type in the name or parts of the name, and boom! the music shows up with what number it is. I go to the filing cabinet and pull it out. It is such a breeze. It is the putting of music away that is the hard job. That one, I am ALWAYS behind on, pretty much always. I try, but it is a losing battle for me.
Last night I went to my Live Journal and went to my very first post. I think I spent an hour reading them up to December 2010. I never realized how much I wrote about how mom was doing and some of the fears I had. Some of it was funny to read, like the time I actually swore at her (I don't typically use that type of language as I work with children!). I do remember that day rather well. Momma would not, and I mean not in any shape or form, get into the car to go to Tim Horton's for brunch. I begged, I pleaded, I got mad, and then, I swore at her to get in the car. Nothing worked. So I took her back into the house, placed her in her chair in the living room, went into the dining room, threw the box of Kleenex on the floor, the pile of music that was on the table on the floor, and promptly sat down and cried. I was so frustrated, not only because she had never refused to get in the car before, but also because I was so upset that I swore at her. It was so frustrating. After about 15 minutes or so this little voice comes out of the living room, telling me she was hungry. All I had to do was wait a few minutes and then we would have been fine. I got up and got her ready to go outside. She got in the car like she usually did, no refusing, no upsets, no nothing. This, of course, made me even madder at myself than I already was. I was so frustrated with myself pretty much the entire day. Tillie called me later that evening and I told her what had happened. She bursted out laughing. She actually said to me that she didn't know I actually knew what those words were and how to use them. Of course I have heard swear words before, just because I don't choose to use them doesn't mean other people don't. Heck, most of my relatives use them rather frequently. To this day, I have yet to hear the end of the day I swore at mom. I admit now, it is kind of funny, but not too funny.
So reading the posts were both amusing and upsetting (near her end time) for me. I was right when I wrote that the mother's day we celebrated would be her last as was her birthday. I didn't get my wish to have her last longer so I could go all out for her at Christmas. Then again, how would I feel about Christmas if she passed away around then? I totally hate the month of October with the 18th being the worst day ever so to hate the month of December would totally put the emphasis on what I hate as opposed to on the celebration of Jesus' birth where it belongs so I supposed I must grudgingly admit, God does know better than me. Besides, the little mom was so ready to go. It is me who wanted her to stick around wayyyyyy longer than she did. I don't seem to be as upset as I used to be when I think about her. Sometimes, I have even admitted there are things I don't miss with taking care of her. I don't miss trying to feed her or have her feed herself, for example. I think it is mostly the companionship of her I miss the most. She was such a good little mom and she was very little. Mom was about 5'3 3/4" and when she died she weighed 84.6 pounds. Now when Mom was healthier she weighed about 100 to 115, which was healthy for her. I didn't inherit her body shape and size, nope, from chin up I am all Mom and from chin down I am all dad's side of the family. However, I am working very hard at losing the excess weight and my goal is to be 1/2 my size by next summer. I think I will get there since I am working hard at it. So far, eating healthy IS going well and I am down some weight. I will get weighed again at the neurologist's office when I have my appointment on August 30. That will be the day we re-exam the new medicines and adjust the dosage. So far, it isn't working too well. I am sure that we will find the right dosage and someday in the future I will actually not have a headache every single day of my life. I, unfortunately, can't remember what it is like not to have a headache, so that will feel rather strange to me, but I am sure it is a feeling I can get used to super fast!
Well, my lovely Antoinette will be here shortly so I need to get a few things out for her lesson. It is like the perfect temperature today too. Blue sky, puffy white clouds, bright sun shining, and no rain! I love these type days!