Monday, August 20, 2012

The Life I Live in my Head 8-20

Sometimes I think the life in my head is better than the one I live.  In my head, I can do anything.  I can dance again, walk for long walks again, do anything I want physically, it is beautiful.  I know that I am a daydreamer and I always have been.  I would look out the window and see my beautiful dreams in the air.  My friends think it is kind of weird that I can do that, but I always have been able to.  In my dreams, I am running and jumping, flying all around.  In some ways I do live my dreams, just on a limited basis.  I have accepted (or whatever you want to call it) that I can't do stuff right now, but with the leaps and bounds the medical field is advancing, it is hard to say that I won't ever be able to dance again.  I want to be able to dance again, just a slow dance, I know ballet and lyrical (my favorite genres of dance) is out of the question but slow dancing is not.  Some day I will be able to slow dance again.  I just know it.

I also wonder if others day dream and live in their heads like I do.  I have seen some of the postings that others have put on face book about what people think they do, what they think they do, and what they really do.  Some are really funny.

I think one of the  things I discovered about living a much more mellow life since I got sick, is noticing the beauty in life.  I love to go scootering and looking at the beautiful flowers, trees, and nature in general.  Mom and I used to scooter/walk every night after dinner in the summer of 2009.  We would go different directions to see different things.  Mom was always looking at the beauty of nature.  I love gardens.  Unfortunately, I can kill a plant just by looking at it.  Mom was the green thumb of the family, not me.  I was not very good at telling the difference between a plant and a weed.  In fact, until the flowers were blooming, I didn't know what they were.  It was worse with the vegetables because I never knew when they needed to be harvested so yeah, they usually died in the garden.  I appreciate people who can garden and make things grow, I just wish I were one of them like mom and several of my friends.  When I was on vacation one year at the US Virgin Islands, I went to see some really beautiful gardens.  They are so peaceful and beautiful.  I also think that when you slow down life, the stress level may go down.  It did for me (mostly).  Unfortunately, the anxiety level didn't go down with the stress.  I have medicine for it again.  I hoping that soon I will be able to go off it again and not have high anxiety.  I was able to do that in 2008 and my anxiety wasn't so bad until the last summer for Mom.  That is when it went through the roof and I should have let my family doctor know, but I didn't.

In 2 weeks school will be starting again.  Another school year will be under way.  Soon the fall will arrive and summer will be a dream.  I am looking forward to the weather that fall brings.  So far, August has not been too hot like July.  July had many days at 100 and close to it.  I am glad that it isn't too hot at this time.  It is simply beautiful out.

1 comment:

  1. this is such a lovely post. In my head, my mind, my heart and soul I can do anything but my feet are bound here on earth, my eyesight fails, the aches and pains, the worry and sorry seem to rule my days. I just love how you have been able to slow down but still keep your dreams alive..;j