My day started off extremely early today.  Mom woke up at 5:30 am and was crying.  She wants to die.  That's what she said.  She wants to die.  We have gone through this twice today.  It is not her day that is for sure.  I keep trying to remind her how important she is to the family and friends.  I hope we are done with this for a while.  At least I got her to talk about it, usually she hides and doesn't talk about what is bothering her.  Actually, with her illness, this is a normal symptom.  Hard to believe, isn't it?  Many people with dementia want to die because they can't do what they used to.  Unfortunately for her, she is more aware than I think most people are.  I could be wrong, but she seems very aware of her memory loss.

We sewed with Muglia's this afternoon.  Lydia finished her skirt and next week we go to the fabric store to pick out material for the tops to their skirts.  I am also going to make Sarah (the little sister) a skirt so she won't be too left out.  She gets something to.  She is only 5, a little too young for sewing.  I will look for some kits for little ones.

Pain level is medium now, but was very high all night.  Hence the reason I was awake for Mom's meltdown.  I could take a nap right now.  I think I might.  I know it is only about 5 pm, but I am exhausted!  I don't think we will scooter tonight.  Murder She Wrote hasn't come in yet.  I hope it arrives tomorrow!  I will be hiding in the house due to the heat this weekend.  I may even skip Tim Horton's!  Wouldn't that be a shock?  I think it all depends on the heat.

I hope this finds you doing well.  I have to go and lay down now, I can't handle the sitting up anymore, I am very tired, medium sore, so I should get a small nap.

Last week my cousin, Tilley, offered us her old house.  She has moved into a new house and doesn't want to sell the old one until the market improves.  I will be telling her no thank you tonight.  The house is in Windsor.  She really wants us to move, but mom and I have made the decision to stay.  I am very pleased with this decision, I figure, that I just have to hang on to the house until Mom no longer lives here.  I think at least one year.  Then I don't know what will happen, but we shall see.  Tilley will be disappointed, but we will visit her more often so it will seem like we live near her.

I met with Donna and Sam today and had a blast.  We had such a good time.  Mom smiled the whole time so I know she enjoyed herself.  She doesn't speak much except to me much anymore, I don't know if that is a part of Dementia or not.  It is something I will need to look up and research.  She is sleeping in her chair next to me again tonight while the world news is on.  Every so often she wakes up and then falls asleep again.

Pain level is medium today, it is getting harder to get a good night sleep, I can only sleep on my right side most of the time, and my leg gets so sore.  But when I turn over to the left, my arm aches right away and my back is just as sore.  It is really beginning to annoy me!  I want to sleep!  It is supposed to get very hot and humid this weekend, I will hide inside all weekend.  I hope my Murder She Wrote season 10, arrives tomorrow!  I still have Jag if it doesn't.  I expect to have high pain levels this weekend because of the weather.

I had to get a blood test this morning.  I have to go back on Monday because they couldn't get any blood, apparently it started and then stopped.  Both times.  Since I didn't want to get a third attempt (both arms ached already from the two tries) I elected to reschedule for Monday.

I think we will go for a scooter tonight although I am very tired.  I am getting up earlier tomorrow for sewing with the Muglia's.

It is so nice out right now.  It is absolutely beautiful out.  Nice and cool and sunny out. We went to our usual and then took a nap, my head was so sore and so was my arm.  I still am very tired, we will probably go to bed a little earlier than normal especially since I have to get up early for a blood test.  I am meeting Donna and her granddaughter for a Tim Horton's tomorrow.  I had one student today, my Katie!  She is so awesome.  She is 16! (yes, that is 16).  She is singing some really nice songs and is excited to learn.  I love teaching kids that are interested in learning.  No more lessons until Saturday, well music lessons anyway.  Friday is sewing with the Muglias day.  They are great kids, so nice and well mannered and loving sewing.  We got the new Mary Maxim catalogue, (a crafting one) There are some nice kits I would like for Christmas.  I start shopping early because we are on such a limited budget here, like so many other families.

We are heading out to enjoy the evening!  I hope this finds you doing well and having a good day.

It is very hot and muggy right now.  Yuck.  Not my kind of weather at all.  We bought a lottery ticket for tonight and I am hopeful!  Yes, I know the odds, it is hard not to, but still, someone has got to win and why not me?  That's the attitude we need around here.

Pain is high today, because of the weather.  I have only one student, a make up from yesterday.  I'm thankful she is making it up.  Both of my boys are absent today, :(  :(  One will be here next week, but the other will be on vacation.  I hope he has fun.  We haven't been on vacation for a year, although, it isn't like we work hard around here, I want to go and see my brother and his family.  Unfortunately, I may not get to go until Christmas.  I am saving money for it now.  It was much easier when he lived in North Carolina, we could just drive in one day, not now, not in Seattle, Washington.  His contract job is almost over, so he will be out of work again.  He will move anywhere he gets a job, I just hope it is near by.  I miss him and the kids a lot.  I haven't seen them in a year.  Hard to believe it is been a year, seems like yesterday some times and others several years.

It is too hot to scooter so we aren't going to go.  I hope you are having a good day despite the heat.  I don't miss this heat at all!

I taught four lessons today!  Yeah Muglia's!  There are a total of 8 children in the house and the oldest 4 take lessons, 3 piano and 1 clarinet.  Bob is absent today, and Kayla will  have her lesson tomorrow, so I will have at least a few lessons for the week.  One is on vacation, another at band camp and another is ill.  Three absences in one week!  Yikes!  Oh my!  Next week will be a better teaching week.

It's looking like rain right now so we aren't going for a scooter.  Tomorrow is supposed to be hot and muggy, not my kind of weather.  I'll just stay inside for the day.  Suppose to rain too.  Definitely not my kind of weather.

Pain level has been high again, I didn't sleep well at all last night.  If I lay on my right side, my leg aches, on my back, my back aches, and on my left, my arm aches.  Just couldn't win last night.  I am pretty tired today, so I should be able to sleep tonight.  I have been taking pain pills all day so that should help.  I don't know if we will be able to exercise tomorrow or not.  We haven't gone in a month and I need to go but my arm has been really sore this month.

I got my one month back pay for disability so I could pay bills today.  I paid 4 of them, one being the rest of the house payment.  The bank has a new program we may qualify for so we should be getting info soon about it.  It will help us a lot if we qualify.    I also am not as far behind as I was on my car so that is good too.  We are finally catching up!  La!  I just need to save the house long enough for mom, then the bank can have it.  But until then, I need to keep the house.  Where I will go, I do not know.  I will worry about that later.

I hope this finds you doing well!  Try to enjoy the night despite the weather!

It's Sunday!  It was a good Sunday so far.  We met with our friend, Donna, for a Tim Horton's and stayed visiting for about 3 1/2 hours.  Yes, that is 3 1/2 hours.  Just talking and drinking diet coke and coffee (for her).  She had an accident about 15 years ago and is a miracle, I mean a real miracle, for being alive.  Right now, doctors are discussing with her on rebuilding her spine.  She is in extreme pain every day of her life.  More than me, that is for sure.  She had a rough winter and we didn't see her for several months this past winter.  I met her through the store.  Her granddaughter took trumpet lessons from one of our teachers.  

I have Muglia's tomorrow for their lessons!  I love teaching them.  All four are excited about music and want to learn.  Right now they are into the Pirates of the Caribbean music, they just finished star wars and harry potter.  I am making their brother some harry potter music for the clarinet.  I have some for the clarinet, only it is a little too hard for him.  It is all in the upper register and he isn't very comfortable up there yet.

Mom is doing well today.  She is smiling away and a happy little camper.  Right now she is reading the newspaper as she likes to do.  She will read the same one a few times this week since she won't remember that she already read it.  I keep several on hand for that purpose.

I called Richard, but he didn't answer.  I left a message, but I told him it was no big deal, because it isn't if he doesn't call me back.  I know right now he is near the end of his project that he is consulting on and is working an insane amount of hours.  I miss his kids the most.  They are so adorable and wonderful.  I sent them a I miss you card last week from Mom and me.  I want them to know that we think of them often.

We are going for a evening scooter later after dinner.  It has been the nicest summer for me to be outdoors.  I don't do well in heat. (or cold for that matter!)  So Mom and I have really enjoyed our scooters/walk.  She is wanting to go every night and I don't mind a bit.

I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying the nice weather we are having.  Have a great evening!

As usual, on Friday, we were at the Muglia's for sewing.  It is so much fun.  Natalie finished her skirt today, Lydia is almost done.  Hers was a little more complicated than her sisters.  Hannah finished last week.  Lydia will finish next week.

We have made a decision!!!!!!!  Don't faint or pass out.  I spoke with mom on my worries about moving to Windsor, Ontario.  I told her about the state of their health care.  There are so many waits for procedures and nursing home care.  Mom will need one much sooner than she knows, but she knows eventually she will need it.  There is a 2 year wait to get into one.  Yup, that's two years.  At the rate her memory is going, she may need one in a year.  She may not.  Depends on the memory loss.  So far she has control over her body which is good.  Anyways, the bottom line, she doesn't want to move.  We are going to work on getting a few more students so that we will have enough to stay in our house.  I am already filing for bankruptcy (because of the store, I have to) so I am not worried about that.  I pay for my health insurance so I have some.  I will get medicare in a year and a half, so I will get that in the future.  I feel so much better about nixing the move.  I didn't really think it was a great idea, I understand why she wanted to move, most of our family is over in Windsor, London, and other areas of Ontario.  I told her we would just visit more often.  She agreed.

Pain level is medium today.  I am happy about that.  It wasn't too bad during the sewing class.  I just love teaching!  I hope to get about 8 new students for the fall, that would supplement the disability enough for us to stay in our house.  Things are looking up for the Paxton house!

I hope this finds you doing well, and having a good day!  We are planning a nightly (well, an evening) scooter/walk.  Mom is doing well today.

I had to go and get my biweekly blood test today.  The nurse did it in one shot this time!  Yeah!  Only 1 poke.  I get excited over one poke.  Like all Fibro people, it hurts to get a blood test done.  It isn't the needle that hurts as much as the tourniquet.  That is the one that hurts.  

I met with a new student this afternoon.  Her name is Grace and she is 15.  Seems very nice and serious about lessons.  She is going to take voice and piano!  I am trying something new, both lessons in 45 minutes instead of an hour.  We will try.  I am sure with her help, we will work it out.  Mom came with us (I can't leave her alone anymore)  As usual, Mom was quiet during the interviewish meeting.  Grace will start in September when she starts school.  She is homeschooled.  I hope to get a few more and then I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief.

the weather is good today, not to hot, not to cold and it doesn't look like rain!  My arm is not as sore as Monday, but because that is the only arm they can get blood from me, it hurts more than yesterday.  My chest is a bit sore today too.  Silly fibro, if only it would go away.  I am kinda tired too because I had to get up earlier than usual.  I can't wait until tomorrow when I see the Muglia girls for sewing.  Thursdays are so boring as there are no students or anything fun to do.  At least, I met with a new student which brightened the day.  Now we are bored over here.  I think we take a scooter to get a lottery ticket.  That will liven us up.  Nothing like fresh air, as Mom would say!

Have a great afternoon and evening.

I went to the tummy doctor today.  She wants me to come in monthly because of the medicine I take.  I can't afford to go monthly.  I also have not had any problem with the medicine.  It works just fine with me.  She said that they would work with me on this.  The next appointment was made for October, I hope it stays that way.  I have to pay for doctor visits because my insurance doesn't cover them.  When I got my insurance I was healthy and well, I didn't think it was a big deal.  Of course, they would have only covered one a year anyway.  It raised the price of insurance monthly to an amount I couldn't afford.  

Pain level is pretty medium.  It isn't to high like yesterday, but not low like Monday.  We didn't get to go and exercise yesterday because my arm was too sore.  It is too sore for today too.  Hopefully tomorrow!  I can only hope.

Tilley is checking into how the nursing homes work in Canada.  Mom still wants to move and I really don't.  I think I can hold her off for a while.  She is beginning to forget more now.  She no longer knows which one is our house when we go out.  She asks me each time we go out.  Last night she asked me which bed is hers.  I think I am being hopeful when I say I have a year left with her.  I may only have months.  When she gets that bad, I will have to put her in a home and I don't want to.  I want her with me, except I know that I can't take good care of her when she needs 24 hour care.

It looks rainy out now, I hope it does.  it will fit my mood.

Have a great afternoon.

It is hot here today.  Possible showers too, smells like it.  I don't mind the rain if it brings down the humidity.  Pain level is very high right now.  I have two students later today, so I am excited about that.  I need to get some new songs for Charlie, Frank usually brings new music to his lesson so I don't really worry about him and music.  I loved the music in Harry Potter number 6, so I am going to get that book soon.  Probably next month when my disability check comes in.  I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with my stomach doctor.  However, I haven't figured out how to pay for the appointment, we are short on cash this month.  I didn't know we would be so short so fast.  I thought I kept better track, but apparently I didn't.  I did make a teaching deposit, so that will help.  Next week I will have one less student, he will be on vacation.  I hope he has a great trip.  He and his wife are the nicest people ever.  One of my girls changed her day next week only so she wouldn't miss a lesson, I'd rather make up a lesson than miss one!  Also, I had a new call for 2, yes, 2 new lessons!  So things are looking up.  I am just still nervous.  I hope it passes soon.

I hope your having a better day than me!!  Have a great afternoon.

I had three students today.  Originally, it was supposed to be 2, but Rachel called and wanted a lesson, so of course, I added her!!!  She usually is gone for the summer.  She will be back in 3 weeks for regularly scheduled lessons, so I am grateful for that.  We had a nice dinner at Olive Garden, Mom and I.  She is doing alright today, not much in the tears today.  Thank God for that!  I have a hard time dealing with her tears when she is teary.  Pain level isn't too bad either.  Nice day outside.

A funny thing happened to me last night, I was sleeping (sort of) and I felt something run across my ankle.  I flew out of bed so fast it was unbelievable and flipped on the light.  I'm searching the room for a furry critter (we don't have any pets in the house - so you know I mean a mouse) I didn't find one.  I looked downstairs and didn't see one either.  I haven't seen any signs of a mouse in the house, so I figured it must have been my sheet or something like that.  (Or I am hoping anyway.)  So I lay back down.  I couldn't sleep, all I could think about were mice!  So I raced (as fast as I can - which is pretty slow!) to the bathroom for some of my fibro spray.  It has mint in it and mice don't like mint.  We used it to get rid of the mouse we had a few years ago and it worked.  so after I sprayed I could go back to sleep.  Trouble was, I wasn't tired anymore!  So I lay there for a few hours before I fell back asleep.  I have since double checked the house, and no signs of a mouse anywhere!  I hope I sleep tonight.

Have a great day!