Mom's birthday

Today is Momma's 77th birthday.  It is the first one I have every celebrated without her.  i don't think since I was born there has been a birthday of hers I have missed.  It has been a rough day, I would have to say.  Tears here and there.  I wish she were here.  I do realize she is better off since she doesn't have Alzheimer's anymore, but I still miss her terribly.  Last year we had two birthday parties for her.  The reason for the two is that I originally only planned one, but our friends couldn't come to the first one because most of them didn't have passports.  Well, because so many of them couldn't come I decided to have a separate party just for friends at our house.  It was a good choice.  We had the family party.  It was an open house but everyone stayed for pretty much the entire thing.  I was happy that almost the entire family was there and I know Mom was happy to see them.  She didn't speak much to them but that is normal for Mom, she just smiled and smiled which made me very happy.  She got some nice things too from the family.  The following Saturday, we had the cake and ice cream party for our friends.  Oh my, the living room was so full of our friends and neighbors it was unbelievable.  That made both me and Mom smile too.  It was such a nice time.  Mom got a lot of nice cards and gifts.  The cards she would read over and over for the next few weeks.  It was like a nice surprise for her every time she picked one up.  I left the cards on the dining room table for her to find and read for a few weeks before I put them up in her room.  She liked looking at them in her room.

When I look back at the last year, sometimes I just can't believe a year has past.  She was doing okay at this point a year ago.  Her eating had become an issue at this point as she barely ate at all but she was drinking 3 to 4 ensures a day so she was getting enough nutrition.  She could walk by herself although she preferred to hold my hand for guidance.  Then she knew she was going in the proper direction.  She could feed herself and dress herself at this point too.  The only thing I did was to hand her her pants so that they would go on right.  She also still helped me get dressed at this point.  I also thought we had years left with her at this time last year.  She was only in stage 4.  Mom was pretty independent last March.  I had only an inkling of knowing this could be it.  I wish we could go back in time because I want to be with her.  I most of the time liked being with her all day and night.  We still played some games then.  It wasn't until May that she flew through stages 5 through 6 and ended at the beginning of stage 7.  She smiled and laughed a lot last year at this time.  All I would have to say is, where's that pretty Mom's smile and she would smile.  I also got pictures taken of her last March.  Boy, am I glad I did.  I had no idea that those would be the last professional pictures ever taken of her.  I had no idea at all.  I am glad she let me get them down.  The day we went, she was all, I don't want my picture taken.  So I told her I already made the appointment but if she still didn't want them taken when we got there we wouldn't do it.  Naturally, she forgot she didn't want her picture taken and when the photographer asked if she was the one getting her picture taken she said yes and let her take the pictures.  I think they turned out very nicely.  Pretty much all of the family and a few close friends got a picture of her.  I still have Richard's copy here at the house. but I sent him a copy by email.  I do wonder how my brothers are doing today.  Sometimes I am fine and others I am in tears.  I would say it is mostly a tears day.  I suppose it will get easier.  It doesn't seem like it to me, but I suppose I will get used to this.

I hope you are having a better day than me.  I am just very sad today.

Sunday - a Day of Rest?

I am actually doing laundry.  I realized I have absolutely no clean pants (except the pair I am wearing) for the day to day wear.  i do have dress pants clean, but they are for dress up stuff not day to day.  I have nice fleece, warm pants for day to day stuff.  I also have no clean cute sweatshirts that are for daily wear except my Christmas one, so I put on a t-shirt and dragged the laundry downstairs.  I just have to transfer it to the dryer.  Be right back!  Clothes are now in the dryer.  Now I am tired.  You would think I was running a marathon not putting clothes in the dryer!  Stupid Fibro!  Even mundane, boring, supposedly easy jobs tire me out.  Ugh, oh, well, I don't have to do anything with them for a bit so that is good.

I went to Tim Horton's today.  I was feeling cooped up in the house so after a few minutes I packed myself and a book up and off I went.  I stayed for about 2 hours reading.  It was a nice change.  I just needed to get out of the house for a few minutes.  You know how it is, the house feels smaller and smaller until you want to scream, so instead of screaming, I went out.  Good choice.  I am reading "Awakening" by Angela Hunt.  It is a book I bought a long time ago but never read.  I always meant to but the subject became to close to me.  It is about a woman a bit younger than me and how she is learning to live without her mother, who had dementia.  Now when I bought it, Mom was only showing small signs of Alzheimer's.  I was too busy at the time to read it so I put it aside.  Then when I had time, I couldn't read it.  Reading it now I see there are only few parallels of our lives.  Her mother was a typical dementia patient and didn't know who her daughter was at the end.  My mother was not typical, she didn't get angry very often, she wasn't belligerent, or angry.  She was polite and usually pretty quiet.  She also most of the time knew who I was.  Also, the main character, Aurora hasn't left her apartment for about 10 years even while her mother was living, where as I have no problem going out into the world.  She feels some resentment to her mother about taking care of her and I don't resent taking care of my mom.  I could have placed her anytime if I felt I needed to.  I believed she would have better care, and my friends have agreed, if I took care of her.  I got her whatever help I needed.  The only thing I wish I hadn't done that I have done was to place her for rehab in a nursing home for the 2 1/2 weeks she spent in one this past summer.  That was not good for her and I wish I could undo that.  It was a painfully bad experience for the both of us.  Anyways, the main theme in the book is that she finds herself and more importantly, she finds God.  Since I am close to God, I no longer see any real resemblance between me and the main character, thus reading the book is not painful like it seemed like it would be.  I love Angela Hunt's work.  She has written some incredible wonderful books.  I have read pretty much everything she has ever written except maybe a newer book since I haven't boughten any of her books since this one came out in 2004.  So I am a bit behind, but I will fix that soon.

It is a quiet day around here with just the laundry going.  I did the dishes the other day so I need to empty out the dishwasher and fill it with the dirty dishes.  I didn't get as much done as I wanted yesterday so I may finish that up.  I am enjoying the peace and quiet right now.  I don't mind silence like I did a few months ago.  I still miss Mom so much.  I have come to the conclusion that I will probably miss her like I do now forever.  I am starting to make plans of my future, although the future still scares me at times.  I do wish I saw my brothers more often than I do or at least spoke to them on a regular basis.  Both are horrible at keeping in touch.  Basically it is all me, I do the calling, I do the writing, the emailing, the messaging, but since I want to know how they are doing, I don't mind.  Maybe one day I will, but not right now.  I do hope to see both boys soon.  I don't think it fazes them as much as it does me that we are all that is left of Mom.  I am thankful for my uncles and my many cousins as they are very much appreciated, but of Mom, my brother's are all that is left of her.  I just wish I saw them more.

It is an okay day for pain for a change.  The celebrex really helps the lower back and the hips especially at night when I get up from sitting.  I am so thankful we started that.  At first, it didn't seem like it worked until I went a few days without it.  I hadn't noticed I was getting up easier until it was hard again.  I don't take the Savella as it gave me insomnia, but I am taking the Celebrex

Well, so far it is a good day.  I hope you are having a good day too!

Saturday musings

I had 3 lessons total today.  It was a quick 1 3/4 hours let me tell you and fun.  All three students are doing very well.  Amanda and Kayla each started a new song today.  I was happy with what they did.  Kayla did tell me that when Katie came early last week it made her nervous so today when Katie arrived I had her go into the dining room for a few minutes this way Kayla would be able to continue without being embarrassed.  She had much more confidence today than she has had.  I was pleased with this.  Katie is auditioning for a scholarship next Saturday if we can find someone to accompany her.  I do hope we do because she really wants to do this and if she doesn't then they have to cancel the scholarship.  We are on a time crunch with this.  Both my friends are just not available although 1 is checking with her student to see if she would be available.  I also just called another teacher I know in case he can do it.  I can play the songs, I just don't accompany very well, I start listening to the singing and well, there goes the piano part.  I just never learned the art of accompanying.  I think that is something I need to learn.  I wonder how much Georgette would charge to teach me.  Hm, I will find out.  I figure either she or Diane can teach me to do this.  I can play the piano pretty well although I think I teach it much better than I play.  I could be wrong on this, but who knows!

I had planned on doing housework today.  I am going to vacuum the rest of Mom's room, the path in my room (yes, it needs to be decluttered since things are no longer where they belong), the spare room, and the hallway with the stairs.  That should be enough for the day.  I try not to overdo it because the pain is immense when I do.  I don't wish to spend all day tomorrow in bed.  While I don't have much planned for tomorrow, I still do not wish to be in bed from pain all day.  That would be a drag to say the least.  I don't know what I will do after that, I may read.  I have 2 books I haven't read yet waiting on the table and I have one I am currently reading.  I love reading but sometimes I just don't feel like it.  I have a hard time some days finding enough good stuff to do.  I think sometimes my naps in the afternoon are not only because I am tired but I am bored.  My new course hasn't arrived yet.  I can't wait until it does.  Should be here sometime next week.  I am anxious to get started with it.

It is almost 3 in the afternoon so I am heading upstairs soon to start my vacuuming.  It won't take long but I would like it done before dinner.  I may do the dining room, kitchen, and utility room floors tomorrow.  I have to also scrub them.  Yuck.  Oh well, it needs to be done so I will do it.  I plan to also watch some of the DVDs that I have that I haven't seen yet.  I keep meaning to but then when I have the time I end up doing something else.  I feel like I am in the waiting mode and I don't wait very well.  Patience is not my best virtue.

It is chilly out so my hips and legs are a bit sore today, plus since I split pop on my chair last night I had to sit on a different chair, so that caused extra pain too.  It is sunny out though so that is a plus.  I just wish we had slightly warmer weather to go along with the sun.  I do hope we are finished with snow!  I am so tired of it.  Well, I hope you are having a good day too!

A Joyous Evening

What a wonderful evening filled with laughter and joy.  Acer, Calli, and Heather stayed after their lessons for dinner and games.  Bill joined us bring said dinner.  it was so yummy!  We played Five Little Monkeys Sitting on a Bed.  It was Calli's new game that she got for her birthday last week.  Once we were done eating Bill tightened up the screws under the table because it was so wobbly.  It is so much better now.  No wobble at all anymore.  I am so thankful for that.  I was afraid I would have to get a new table and I really didn't want to as I love this one.  I have 4 chairs to tighten and reglue this summer though.  I know how now.  I can't wait to do this but I need warmer weather so I can open up the windows in case the glue smells.  Anyways, I actually won the game, surprisingly.  My little monkeys stayed on the bed!  It was such a fun game.  I think Calli is pleased with her choice of a game.  She and I love playing games together.  We are also Uno girls.  We love our Uno.  She has a special set that someone Brailled for her so she can play independently, which we both enjoy.

I did do a silly thing though.  I was carrying the chicken bucket, corn, gravy, and macaroni dishes to the counter so Bill could do the table and I split the gravy and my pop.  Now the gravy landed on the tablecloth.  Thank goodness I just changed it to a vinyl one!  However, my pop landed on my chair which has a cloth top.  Yup, I did a great job of soaking my chair and now there will be a stain.  I will scrub it out tomorrow and see if I can clean my chair.  What a silly thing to do.  Next time?  I will just carry a few things at a time and not pile them up on top of each other.

It has been a very good day.  I woke up late, which wasn't a good thing, but I was so exhausted.  I went to get something to eat and then I came home.  I played on the computer a bit before lessons and the rest is history!  I haven't had much pain today.  I am glad about that.  The celebrex works pretty well although the health insurance wants me to switch to something else since celebrex is not covered.  I also have the application for the Pfizer company for lowering the price of Celebrex.  I will discuss with Dr. G to see what is best to do and then follow his instructions.

Bill found a mug from when Tillie and Maia were here last month on the window sill.  Needless to say the cup looks rather gross right now.  I hope it cleans up okay as it is one of my favorites.  He also found 2 books.  I am not happy about this, but I suppose if I opened the drapes more often I would have found then a month ago.  Well, I don't always open them.  I used to but I don't always do.  It is just not something I do everyday.  Either way, I am still upset over the mug with left over coffee in it.  Yuck.  Like I said, I hope it cleans up nicely.

I have 3 lessons tomorrow starting at 11 am so I have to get up early.  I don't mind 11 am lessons, it is the earlier ones I have trouble with.  Amanda comes at 11, Kayla at 11:30, and Katie at 12:15 this week. Next week, Christine will have her lesson Saturday evening.  Hey, what works for her, works for me.  That is what I have to say about that.  She is doing very well.  I am revising my plan with her because she also plays another instrument which means she can read music very well.  I am giving her other stuff, not just stuff out of her book too.  She seems to like that.  I will find more fun stuff for her to play too.  I am some nice 5 finger stuff that she will like.

Well, I am getting tired now so it is about bedtime for me.  I will be setting my alarm because I don't want to miss a lesson.  Boy is this house quiet now after all the activity.  I so enjoyed myself so much.  It is nice to have activity every so often.  They will again be staying for dinner in 2 weeks because it will be my birthday and I want to have a small celebration on my actual birthday.  I have a family birthday party gathering with some friends too at my cousin, Darrin's house on the 16th.  That will be fun too.  But i felt something small for the actual day would be good and the Bowman-Tomlinson family is perfect for that.  The kids will have their lessons and then stay for games and dinner.

I do hope it was a good day for you too.

Not so cold out today

I am glad the sun is shining!  It makes it a bit warmer than it was yesterday, however, we are still in winter temperatures around here with some of the white stuff (snow) on the ground and some icy patches.  At least the sun is shining today.  I will probably have to have the little heater on this evening when the sun goes down since the wind chill is low.  I can't wait until we get actual open the windows and let the sunshine in weather.  I also will need to clean said windows too, but hey, that is another day.

I had Breanna's lesson this afternoon.  She is doing pretty well.  She is anxious to get to advanced level stuff right away.  It is so cute to see.  She is very ambitious and works rather hard so that is a great thing.  She also has determination which is another great trait of a good student.  I never have to worry about her not practicing or doing her theory work because she wants to learn as much as she can to improve.  I  just would like 10 more students just like her!  She is the type that makes teaching a great job.  Not that my other students are not doing well, they are too.  I have great students right now, I just need 10 more to pay all the bills not just some of them.  I pray I will get them soon.

I read a blog post today of one of my regular reads, Connie, (a very inspirational person) and she is redoing part of her house.  I now can't wait until after tax season to do the downstairs.  I am so anxious to have a sewing/craft area and a library/TV are now.  I want to put pictures up on the wall and wall hangings up.  I am just anxious to have my house just so!  I get great ideas from Connie's blog.  She always post the prettiest decorating ideas.  She also loves the color pink like I do!  Unfortunately, the carpet in the family room is brown, so pink is out unless I keep the furniture that is down there and then I could pain the walls pink to coordinate with the pink in the pink and brown furniture.  I wonder how hard it would be to restuff the cushions.  Would it really be that hard of a job?  I don't know.  I love the furniture that is down there, it is just that some redoing needs to be done.  Hm, I will have to ask some experts I know, like Connie and a few of my friends.  I am really rethinking this now.  I am thinking there is room down in the family room for the furniture.  I will measure and find out.  It is really pretty furniture that is in excellent condition (thanks Mom!).  Mom took really good care of it.  So, I am glad I haven't taken any picture of the furniture yet.  I am, however, getting rid of the bar stools and the shuffle board.  Those things have no place or use in the new family room.  They just take up too much space, way too much space.

Anyways, a quiet evening is expected.  I spoke to Kathy and Donna today.  I will turn the news on soon and watch that.  It is probably an HGTV night since there isn't anything else on.  I hope you are having a good day too.

Spring, where did you go?

I am freezing right now.  I have a sweatshirt and fleece pants on and I am still cold.  It is because of the freezing rain we are getting, I think.  All I know is that I turned on the little heater.  It is blowing right on me and boy does it feel nice!  Heaven!

Despite the freezing rain, I bravely (he he he) drove to my friend, Donna's house to pick her up.  She can't drive right now because she was in an accident about a month ago and it totaled her car.  She has had more health problems since then too.  I feel so bad for her but I am glad she is getting good care from the doctors.  That is the important thing.  So I picked her up and off we went to Burger King for lunch.  She treated me! It was very cool.  We were there for about 2 hours chatting away.  Sometimes she speaks very softly and I can't hear her so I have to say speak up.  I have 50% hearing loss in each ear.  When I was young I had some infections that caused the hearing loss.  One in particular I never told Mom that my ears hurt and were plugged so I didn't go and get the medicine until I had had the problem for about 7 months.  My Math and Science teacher finally asked if I could hear him and I said no.  He was standing and quickly sat down.  He couldn't believe it so during the break between classes he called me up and asked how long it had been since I could hear him in class.  I said since October (this was May by this time).  He immediately let everyone of my teachers know I couldn't hear.  I never got moved so fast in my life, I was immediately moved to the front of the room for every class.  It didn't stop there.  He went to my counselor and told him and then they called Mom and told her.  She was as flabbergasted as they were because I never told anyone.  I had an ear doctor specialist appointment for about 2 days later after than and then a few weeks later I had surgery on my ears and I could hear a bit better.  I went from 75% hearing loss to 50%.  The specialist told my mom that because I didn't say anything for months it was too late to save more of my hearing.  I did try hearing aids but they gave me headaches because everything, and I mean, everything is amplified.   I still don't wear hearing aids.  Generally I am okay in most situations.  I do fine with the phone, only a few voices are hard to hear.  Mom was so upset with me that she made me promise that if I even had a smidge of a sore throat or ear ache to tell her immediately, no matter if we were fighting or not getting along, which is why I never told her.  She was mad at me for something and I didn't want to get into trouble.  Well, I didn't get in trouble, but I did do permanent damage to my ears so lesson was a hard one to learn!

So anyways, I digress.  We had a wonderful time.  She misses Mom too because she used to come and pick Mom up to go with her places when we had the store.  She would drop her granddaughter off for her trumpet lesson and then she and Mom would go for ice cream sometimes.  Donna would sometimes come during the day to whisk Mom away with her for running errands and stuff like that.  She liked Mom's company.  Sometimes I would come down the stairs at the store and Mom would be gone.  I always knew who she was with because there would be a note that says, I have Mom!  Mom loved that. Donna was a good friend to Mom and she is a good friend to me.  Today was the first day I have actually seen her though since probably about November.  We talk frequently on the phone though, about every few days.  It was nice to see her in person for a change.

I don't have any lessons today so it is a bit of a boring day now.  I have some good books to read though and I want to put the sheets and blankets on Mom's bed for guests when I have them.  I just have to vacuum the one side of the room and make up the bed then Mom's room is officially done.  There are two boxes in the closet with some Disney stuff in them.  I have some of her stuff in my room too.  There are some boxes in the garage too of Mom's stuff that I have to go through.  I will after tax season when Lily and her mom, Julie are available to help.  Julie is going to help me with the family room.  All after tax season which officially ends April 19 this year.  I can wait until then no problem!  I am thankful for the help for these type things.  I can't wait until the sewing area is put together.  That should be very cool!  I am looking forward to having a family room I can use again.  It has been about 5 years now since we haven't been able to use it.  I plan to have the students over during the summer for craft afternoons.  I have 2 kits full of beaded ornaments to make.  there are about 50 ornaments you can make in each kit so that is plenty.  It should be lots of fun too!

Anyways, this is getting long and I have discovered that blogspot cuts out some of your post if you are too long.  Mean old blogspot!  I do hope this finds you doing well and having a great day!

it is snowing again, not fair

Around 5 pm it started snowing hard again.  We are supposed to get a few inches.  I am hoping that we don't get that much because we are on the border of the bad stuff and the not so bad stuff.  I am hoping for the not so bad stuff.  I have officially decided I no longer like snow after Christmas.  I used to like it, but not anymore.  It has been so cold this winter.  It makes me stiff and sore like so many I know.  I often wonder on days like this what Heaven is like and how is Mom liking the weather there.

I took all the paperwork to the tax professional, Julie today.  She is a good friend of mine.  It was sad to do because it is the last tax paperwork I will have to do for the little lady.  I don't like having to do this last things for Mom.  I want my mom here, not in Heaven.  Yes, I know, she is much better off because she was suffering and all that, I never said I was logical, however, I just miss her so much.  I didn't total anything this year like I always do.  I just put the stuff in the envelope and gave it to Julie.  I am hopeful that the only thing I am missing is the copy of the horrible death certificate.  I hate that thing.  It is illogical, I know, but I happen to hate almost anything that has to do with her passing away.  I want my little Mom back, the way she was a few years ago when she could still enjoy stuff and have a good time.  Julie is going to help me get the house in order including some of what is left of Mom's stuff.  I have a good amount of costume jewelry that belonged to Mom along with some other pieces.  I have to collect them all and decide what to do with that.  I have the special necklace in the bank that will go to Abby when she is 16.  Right now it is all mine until Abby is 16.  Then we share it until I pass.  This necklace was given to my great grandmother by her brother, Andrew when she was 16.  Great grandma gave it to my mom when she was 16 and then I got it when I turned 16.  It is a sentimental piece that Mom simply loved.  I like it too.  I think Abby will like it.

I hope I don't owe too much to the IRS this year.  With the tight budget that I have, I don't have extra to pay.  We shall see.

I am going to start removing a few boxes from the storage unit this week after the awful snow clears.  I figure if I can get a box or two that I want every few days out of there, when we can finally empty it, it will be easier to do because I will have all my stuff out of there.  There are a few boxes that I may not be able to lift, but I can try the other ones.  I am still hopeful that the snow globes are okay, not that I have a place to put them at right now.  I plan to put the Mickey Mouse one in Mom's room for decoration and the possibly mine too.  Mine is Beauty and the Beast.  I will be putting the Beauty and Beast picture frame in Mom's room.  I just have too much stuff to put in my room.  I have pictures that need to be put back up, stuffed animals that need to go where they belong, on my chest of drawers.  I am putting some of the pictures in Mom's room too.  I will make it look nice and pretty.  I also have some figurines of Anne of Green Gables that both Mom and I love.  We bought them in Disney World Epcot Center.  Mom and I love Anne of Green Gables books and movies.  When we saw the figurines we just looked at each other and said, oh yeah, we need them so I bought them.  There are, I think, 2 of them in the storage unit in a box.  So much is in the storage unit.  We don't need a storage unit, we just need the house.  There are also about 4 to 6 really, really old cellos.  They are in bad shape.  I was going to paint them and sell them, but I am just going to get rid of them.  I have no room in our house for them.  I have some boxes from the business that I will have to keep for about 4 more years because of taxes.  Those can go straight in the garage.  I don't want those boxes in the house because there isn't enough room.  I only need 1/2 of the garage.  This spring, after tax season, we are going to paint the table and chairs and put them on the outside patio where they belong.  That will clear a good 1/4 of the garage.  That will also  leave enough room to put my little baby car in the garage for the first time ever.  I am so excited about that.  No clearing off the snow off of my car next winter.  The car will not bake in the summer.  How cool is that?  Rather cool if you ask me.  I can't wait for that day.

I have no lessons tomorrow.  I do hope the roads are alright because I am supposed to meet my friend for lunch.  However, should the roads be icy like the weatherpeople

It has been a good day.  Tax stuff is in, 1 lesson taught, all in all, a good day.  I am just pretty tired.  I hope your day has been good too.

Monday thoughts

I spoke with Bob today.  I had message he and Maggie about a decision that I was trying to make.  As it turns out, I feel I made a good decision, but I am glad that I messaged them because they gave me a few other things to think about.  Thank goodness for good friends.  I do feel I have a good plan now that I have been lacking in direction at times (outside of teaching) and really need some focus for long term planning.  When I had Mom here (before she needed 24/7 care from me) I could speak to her about these decisions and thoughts and I do miss that a lot.  I do have a savings plan, even with my tiny budget, that I will be doing.  My emergency fund is very small at this point and needs to grow.  I have added a savings plan in my monthly budget now.  It makes me feel much better knowing I have a plan.  I am a planning kind of girl.  I feel like the fog may be starting to be lifted about some things.  I don't always feel like I am walking through mud all the time, just most of it.  I am hoping the new roadmap will help with the mud feeling.

It is a bad missing Mom day mainly because I had to have someone else to discuss things with.  I couldn't talk to her about it and hear her thoughts about that.  It just is something I will have to get used to now.  I don't particularly like it, but I will have to get used to it.  Mom is in Heaven and isn't here to talk too.  I miss my sounding board.  I have had to find a different one.  I am thankful for the suggestions for me to think about.  I hadn't given some things attention and I needed to.  Thank God for good friends.

I had my lovely Muglia girls for their lessons today including Sarah, one of the little sisters.  She just started today.  She has played out of the book for a while and got all the way up to where she is starting to read notes so that is where we started today.  I think she will do very well just like the older sisters.  I brought the older girls a huge (I mean huge) bag of hoodies that were Mom's.  Some of them she has worn, many of them she bought and forgot she had or I forgot she had so she never worn them.  There were a couple of really cute disney ones that I think the girls will just love.  I asked that any that they don't want (I am sure there are some) to please donate them.  They said they would.  There are a bunch of cute hoodies there that I wished I fit into.  No hope there though.  By the time I may fit in them, they will be long out of style besides I have a bunch of cute hoodies that I have gotten in the last few years.

It was so nice to teach 5 lessons in one day.  I miss being that busy.  I mean, some days I am teaching just 1 lessons.  Now, I am grateful for that one lesson, I just want to be busier and soon I will be.  I am hopeful that I will get more students soon.  I know that by fall I will, I just need new students long before that.  Summer is coming and that is a tough time for lessons although the last couple of summers haven't been super bad like they were a few years ago so I am hopeful that this summer won't be too bad again.  I don't have any plans at this time to go on vacation.  I would like to go and see my brother in Seattle, but I am not sure that will happen.  All depends on his busy schedule so we will wait and see.

I am rather tired today now.  I didn't sleep very well last night.  I haven't been sleeping very well these last few nights.  I don't know why.  I think since I had to get up so early this morning that perhaps I will sleep well tonight.  I am hopeful about that.

It has been a good day overall.  I enjoyed the 5 lessons that I have taught today.  My girls are doing awesome with their music and Bob is doing very well too.  He will be ready in time for the spring concert.  The girls won't be able to attend because baby number 9 in the Muglia house will be making his debut around that time.  Thomas is expected in the 2nd and 3rd week of May.  It will be a busy but exciting time for them.

I do hope this finds you doing well.

small surprises

Well, I did it.  I went and ordered the course for writing.  When I clicked on to order it I got a big surprise!  It was 1/2 half off!  Talk about a nice surprise!  I was pleased because I don't have to use emergency money for this now.  I am so happy about that.  You just never know do you?  I do hope to get the course rather quickly because I am anxious to get started.  I now just need the creative juices that have been hiding in the fibro fog, to come out and get started again.  The nice thing is that I can do this at my pace which is probably slower than most people's pace, but hey, that is okay.  It is okay to go slower than the rest of the world, right?

It is a quiet day as I don't teach on Sundays very often anymore.  I am trying to have one day where I can not teach and do some stuff around the house.  I have time to rest if necessary so that is good.  Today's big challenge is bringing up the little sewing machine for my girls and separating hoodies for them.  I also have to bring down the hoodies that are in my room that were also mom's.  She never wore these ones so they are going to the girls.

I am still pretty tired as I had nightmares a bit last night.  I dreamed I was surrounded by Wraiths from the Stargate Atlantis show.  Very strange dream let me tell you.  I can't remember all of it, I just remember praying that the dream would go away and happy dreams would come back.

It is a missing the little Mom bad day today.  I got teary eyed when I went to the music store to pick up the music for both Christine and for Sarah.  Mom used to go all the time with me and look through the music to see what was there and what we wanted.  I miss going there with her.  She was always so excited when I bought new music.  If I bought some for me, she would immediately label it and catalogue it.  My music is all catalogue all thanks to Mom.  She spent hours getting it ready for me.  She copied almost all the original CDs so that I would have copies to give out instead of originals.  How cool is that?  Very, if you ask me.  I have 3 legal size file cabinets filled with music, so you can see what a big job this was.  Mom was just so organized that way.  I miss her organization skills as I am not as organized as she was.  She kept me nice and organized.  All my music was always put away when not in use.  I mean, I had it so good.  Just one more of a million reasons I miss her so much.  It is hard to believe how much you can miss one person in life.  It hurts physically at times with how much I miss her.  Today, it is not a physically hurt missing her day so that is good.  Either that or I have much better pain meds than I used to.  I would say it is just a super missing mom day without the physical pain of it.  I knew that when Mom passed away I would miss her this much.  I was warned ahead of time by one of my friends who has lost her mom how bad it would be so this isn't a surprise, I just don't know when it is going to get better.  Some days aren't too bad because I am busy but some are super bad.  I think if I get back into my writing this will help some because Mom liked my writing.  She would say go do some writing, you will feel better or go play the piano.  She was always saying things like that.  I feel like i honor her when I am teaching as she was so proud that I was a teacher and I think I will honor her again while I am writing.  The one thing she always told me (and several teachers have said too) is to never write a sentence or use a word you would be embarrassed to read out loud or read years down the road.  Always write what you would be proud to be read out loud.  It is something like that, I can't put it exactly the way they all said it, but you get the point.  Mom read pretty much everything I wrote.  She would do some spelling corrections at times or if a paragraph or a sentence didn't make sense she would mark it.  I miss having my own personal editor.  She was so good at that.  She was just a remarkable woman that is all I can say about my Mom.  She was the best.

It is going to be a decent day even though it is colder than it has been this week.  I am looking forward to a busy week with lessons and getting my new writing course.  I can't wait for that to come in.  I do hope you are having a good day too.

saturday

I had 3 lessons this late morning/early afternoon.  I got up earlier than usual because the lessons start at 11 am.  Yes, I know, it is not early for some people, but it is for me.  I got up at 10:30 and then went downstairs to sit and wait.  I sort of dozed as I was waiting for Amanda.  Amanda is doing very well.  She is happy with the songs she is learning.  We talked a bit about what she wanted to do for the spring concert.  I told her (and Kayla) that if there was something in particular they want to learn and I don't have it, they will have to go and purchase it themselves.  I don't have much in the way of popular music.  It is just not possible for me to keep up with that.  I don't have the money nor the space for the music.  Kayla had her lesson right after Amanda.  She is doing very well, but she thinks she is doing terrible.  I try to encourage her to let her know she is doing well.  She just doesn't believe me.  The biggest problem is that Amanda has a naturally mature voice while Kayla has a regular 12 year old voice.  Her voice will mature, I keep telling her this.  She is only 12, of course she says she is 13, which she isn't.  She has negativity for much of her lesson these days.  I am at wits end trying to figure out what to do.  She is doing very well and there has been improvement with her voice.  I think next week I will give her a lower song that may help her feel a bit better.  I just don't know.  It is so tough to watch a young person with so much potential and talent think she doesn't have either.  Katie had her lesson after Kayla.  She received her score sheets back from competition.  She is pleased with how she did.  She is going to audition for a scholarship that is put on by a local teacher group.  She could win $500.  That is a big chunk of money that she could definitely need for school in the next few years.  Katie is in high school but she is in a special program that requires her to go 1 more year for high school because by the time she finishes high school she will also have her associates degree.  I am so happy that she is in this program.  It has matured her and given her a focus that she didn't have a couple of years ago.  I am excited that she is going to try for this scholarship.  I am going to contact 2 of my friends to see if they can accompany Katie.

After lessons I wanted to get out of the house for a bit.  i was feeling a bit of cabin fever so I went to Tim Horton's for lunch.  I am working on cutting out a lot of my trips there because I just can't afford it without Mom here plus it was getting boring without having someone to go with.  I enjoyed her company so much that to go on my own is just not what I want.

When I got home I took a nap because I was so tired.  Between getting up early and not having a good sleep last night, I was very tired.  I ended up sleeping for 4 hours and I am still tired.  I am not sure when I will go to bed tonight whether it will be early or regular time.  Tomorrow I need to pull my tax stuff together and get Sarah her new books for piano.  She is starting Monday after her sisters' lesson.  I know have 4 of the Muglia children for students.  I am excited for Sarah to be starting.  Apparently, she plays a bit everyday.  That is a good habit to get into.  Her older sisters practice pretty much everyday and have since they started lessons so many years ago.  I think it was about 8 years ago, but I am not sure.  I think Hannah was 7 and now she is 15.  Lydia was 6 and now she is 14.  Natalie didn't started with her sisters, but she easily caught up to them and now they are all about at the same level which is nice and not because they all play the same music eventually.  I try not to give them the same songs at the same time though so there is some variety in the practicing.

I am at a loss of what to do.  There is a children's book writing course I would like to take.  I have been writing for young people since I was a teenager.  I have some talent (I am certainly NOT saying I am the best ever, because I am NOT) and I have been told that I do.  I have taken a couple of other writing courses with this company so I know the company.  Their copywritingbreakingant to get back into writing and I do feel the course would help me break into the business.  I just don't know if I should use the emergency money.  There isn't much left and this would make even less.  However, I do know that if I tighten my belt, I can replace some of the money in the next few months so that is a possibility.  It is so hard to make this type of decision by myself.  I have asked 2 friends for their opinions.  I could use the extra money if I get published, but I know breaking in is a difficult thing, not impossible, but difficult and I haven't written professionally for about 5 years now so it is like rebreaking into the field.  I don't know.  I have been praying about it.

It has been a good day, I do hope yours has been good too.

Friday

I was supposed to have 4 students today and ended up with 1.  I am thankful for the one.  The first student, Terry, I had spoke to earlier this week to find out his schedule.  We agreed that Friday at 1 pm would be good.  Unfortunately he didn't let the new company know or he didn't get back in town on time, either way he didn't have a lesson.  The other two's Mom was not feeling very well today.  She gets bad headaches like I do, so when they arrive, you can only lay down and hope that it goes away so that left only Christine's lesson.  Thankfully, she and her Mom are feeling good for the day.  Christine will have her lesson again next week at the same time.  She is 10 almost 11.  Calli just turned 11.  I think the girls will get along well and have someone to hang out with at concerts.  I just wish they were closer in the piano levels so they could play duets together.  Oh, well, I will get a duet from someone someday.  I will just have to wait a bit longer.

Last night was a great evening.  Breanna had her lesson and right after I went over to Heather B-T's house for Calli's birthday dinner and brownies.  It was a wonderful time.  By the time I got there Acer was waking up from a wee sleep and Calli and I were chatting away.  I can't believe the lovely young lady is now 11.  It is hard to believe, but it is true.  She is 11.  I was honored to be asked to come and celebrate with her.  Talk about a great time!  I had a wonderful evening with the family.  Calli got some nice gifts for her birthday.  She was very excited about that.  Acer was excited to help Calli open up gifts.  We had rice with spinach, chicken, and veggies for dinner with homemade brownies for desert.  Calli wanted brownies instead of cake.  Hey, works for me.  Whatever works for her, works for me.  Overall, a great evening and no place I would have rather spent it.  They are great kids and i enjoy all the time I get to spend with them.

I met up with my friend, Wendy for tea this afternoon.  We had such a good time as usual.  She is a good friend.  We meet up every few months to hang out for a bit.  She is a pretty busy person.  She works two jobs, not to mention a wife and mother with 2 lovely children.  We usually only get about 1 1/2 hours, but hey, I will take as much time as I can get.  I enjoy talking to her about everything.  Her daughter just made her high school freshman softball team.  She is so excited about that.  I was excited for her.  She has played softball for about 9 years now.

It is hard to believe that it is Friday already.  Just seems like yesterday it was Sunday.  Time is flying fast.

The Celebrex seems to be helping with the lower back and hips pain.  I don't have as much pain getting up from my chair at nighttime.  I am glad about that.  It was getting really hard at nighttime.  Anytime after 5 pm the pain would just get worse.  I know that is about the sun goes down and the temperature drops, but the pain would just be worse.  I am thankful something is working a bit.  it doesn't erase all the pain, but it is helping some and that is what I needed.  I didn't expect it to get rid of the pain.  I don't think anything will.

With the 2 temporary students finished, the 5 adult students who started in January and have quit, and the other student who has quit, I find once again I am nervous about finances.  I am praying for more students that will stay with the lessons.  I need some more so that I can make all my bills not just some of the bills.  I need prayers on this a lot right now.  I know that I am not the only one in this position.  I do hope that in the next month or so I will be able to be okay again.  I am hopeful in this.  I am trying to rely on prayer and faith on this.  I am confident that eventually I will have the amount of students I need to pay all of my bills not just some of them.

Overall, I must say, despite my disappointment over the first student not showing up, it has been a good day.  Meeting up with Wendy and having Christine's lesson have made it a good day.  I do hope my friend, Heather B-T's headache is gone and she is having a good evening.  It has been a pretty good week so far.  Tomorrow I have 3 lessons that I am excited about.  I don't know what else I am going to do tomorrow, but the lessons will be fun.  I do hope this finds you doing well too!