another hot day

I know I wanted warmer weather, but did we have to skip spring weather?  It seems to me we went straight from winter to summer weather.  I love spring weather and fall weather, I ache in summer and winter weather.  If it is extremely hot or extremely cold, I am an aching girl.  Although, I will admit that I am loving the sunshine we are having!  I received a plant in a pot (huge, simply huge!) and it sits on my front porch.  This afternoon when I went out it looked like it is dying.  I came home and watered it and it revived itself.  I do not know how much to water it so I guess when it looks like it is dying, it is time to water.  Other than that I have no idea how much to water.  It is so huge that I watered it with a 2 litre diet coke bottle.  (I rinsed it first)  It used all the water and there wasn't any water on the ground so I guess that was enough.

I STILL don't have my pain pills.  I am calling the doctor again tomorrow to see if the doctor has authorized the refill yet.  I really need this.  Tylenol is doing just okay, nothing great so I am in more pain than usual because of this.  I will be strong and be happy when I get the refills.  From now on I will order a refill one week before the bottle is empty from now on.  I will be more vigilant on these refills from now on.

It was a decent day despite the extra pain.  Carson had his lessons.  He takes both piano and voice and let me tell you, the hour flies by.  He is such a great kid.  He is learning his treble clef notes this week.  He did bass clef notes last week.  He will be getting some new voice songs too next week as he needs some new ones.  I am going to be looking through my books to see what ones to give him.  He does so well.  His idol is Michael Jackson when he was with the Jackson 5.  He loves that music so I will hopefully be able to get some of the Jackson 5 music this summer.  I am not sure because I don't have a lot of money to buy new music.  Beth also had her lesson today too.  She is auditioning for the Music Man this weekend at her local Community Theatre.  She is ready.  She knows the two pieces that they required.  We worked on her breathing tonight.  She was lying on the floor singing and was surprised at how much louder she was.  She breathes (like most people) backwards.  When you breathe in, your tummy goes out filling with air, when you breath out, your tummy goes in, releasing the air.  Most people really only breathe with their shoulders which doesn't use all of your lung capacity.  It is the hardest thing to teach sometimes.

Tomorrow I have no lessons because Breanna is still working on finishing up her schoolwork for the year.  She has to have it all done by next week.  This is the 3rd week she hasn't had lessons and I miss her.  I totally understand that she needs to finish her work but still, I miss my Breanna!  I get used to having my students week to week and I miss them when they miss.

I don't know exactly what I will do tomorrow since I don't have lessons.  I do wish Kathy and I lived near each other because I know exactly how I would spend the day if we did!  I would be with her!!!  and her kids!!!!  They are finished with school I think, this coming Monday.  Seems like a weird day to be ending school but Charlie is finishing on a Monday too.  It is just weird.  I think the schools in my area get out next week but i am not sure.

I thought this Sunday was father's day, but apparently it is next week.  I have a week to send Richard a card and his gift so I am glad that I have an extra week.  I hope to talk to him on Father's Day too.  Other than speaking to Richard on Father's Day I don't have any plans on that day.  This week on Sunday, I have Rick's lesson and then a MMA meeting.  I look forward to MMA meetings because they are fun.  I have to type out the minutes from the last meeting.  I haven't done it as of yet, but I will before Sunday.

I do hope you are having a good day.

Wednesday

I have a bad headache today.  I have had it most of the day.  I also had 2 new students.  It looks the adult, Angela, is going to only take lessons for about 4 weeks.  This is not a big surprise.  Most adults don't even last that long.  She does want to learn to sing on pitch better and breathing.  Those things I can help her with.  The other new student seems to be one that will last much longer.  Her name is Rachel and she is 5 years old.  She has just finished Kindergarten and she is super adorable.  She is so tiny.  Rachel is blond and just so cute.  Her hands are very tiny too but she did very well for her first lesson.  Her grandmother clapped at the end of her first song.  Rachel was so proud of herself.  I was very pleased for her.

Charlie had his lesson too.  He forgot that one of his exercises was actually 2 pages so he didn't practice the 2nd page.  I remember doing that once in when I was in school.  I didn't do that very often after the first time though.  I realized today that he is going to be a senior already.  Yeah, that went fast, super fast.  I am not prepared for him to be a senior but he will be.  *sigh*  They all grow so fast.  It just isn't fair.

I think I am heading to bed a bit early as this headache is pretty bad.  I am completely out of regular pain pills so I am left with Tylenol.  That isn't going to help to much.  I talked to the doctor's office today and they just found the request in the computer for the pain pills refill.  The secretary said they were a bit behind.  A little?  How about over a week.  I am in a lot of pain and the pharmacy will not give emergency refill for pain pills so I am out of luck until they refill it, which I do hope will be tomorrow as I can't go through many more days without the proper medicine.  I have to have the protime blood test redone next week.  My dosage also has changed as usual because of the weather.  Blood is naturally thinner in the hotter weather and thicker in the colder weather.  I don't want to get my blood test again next week but I will.  I do hope that my refill is filled tomorrow.  I am sick of the extra pain because of no medicine.

NCIS Los Angeles is on.  I missed NCIS because it was a rerun so I flipped channels only to discover I should not have ignored the letter from WOW stating that I need an HD something for my cable.  I did not order it right away.  I did order it a few days ago but it takes a while to get it until then, no more HGTV or Lifetime or any channel about 25.  Yuck.  I do hope it arrives this week and not next week as Sunday is the season finale of Army Wives!  It is bad enough I missed last night's episode, but I can't miss that one too.  I will be upset and heartbroken!  I should be able to watch it online though if I have too.  My Aggie can talk me through how to do that as I have never watched anything online.

It has been an interesting day.  2 new students, one who will most likely disappear at the end of the 4 weeks.  As long as she gives me back my books that is all that matters.  I will copy the songs we did this week for her.  The CDs I want back, at least the Princess CD one.  I can't replace it too well since I bought it in Disney.  The pain level is higher than usual due to no pain pills.  Tylenol is barely taking the edge of the pain off and isn't denting the headache.  I am hoping I get some sleep tonight.  I slept sort of last night so I am hoping for a better night.

I do hope you are having a good day.

hmm

It has been a good day so far.  I had Bob's lessons and Emily's.  I also FINALLY got a hold of the newest student's Mom.  It only took like 4 days but I finally spoke to her this afternoon.  I picked up both Rachel's and Laith's piano books and flashcards.  I almost forgot that Rachel is starting tomorrow.  She is 6 and just finished Kindergarten.  She is very excited and so am I.  I had a nice chat with her grandmother who will be bringing her.  She knows about where I live so that isn't going to be a worry.  That is good because the last couple of new students got lost getting to my house.  I also have a new adult tomorrow for singing lessons.  We shall see how this one goes.  I am going to copy some music for the her tomorrow afternoon after Rachel's lesson.  Thank goodness for my scanner/copier/printer.  I am really happy with it.  I am so glad that I got it when i did.

I ordered the concert I saw last night on PBS.  Walmart online had the DVD whereas Amazon only had the Blue ray and I don't have a Blue Ray player so I got the DVD from Walmart.  The best part?  It was on SALE!  I got it for $10 less than the regular price, talk about a happy bonus!  They don't have a CD of the concert so that was a bummer, but I am happy they made a DVD of it.  I could have bought it last night from PBS but it would have been super expensive since they were part of the gifts for donating.  I wasn't planning to donate to PBS as I didn't have a spare $75 to get the DVD, I figured I would order it from Amazon or someplace like that.

I am watching a new TV show on HGTV.  It is called My Yard Goes Disney.  What they do is they create a Disney style backyard!  There is a train station, Mickey Hat, a Tinkerbell bird cage/swing, and a tea cup.  It is something we would have loved to have this type thing as children.  I know we all would have.  My brothers and I are all Disney fanatics and so are Richard's children and wife.  We are definitely Disney fans.  Mom and I have been there 13 times.  Yup, we win so far with who has been there the most although Richard is coming up close.  I would like a yard like this.  Our yard is not big enough and it is a weird shape, but I would love Disney added to it.  Mom made sure we had a cool backyard when we were kids, but it wasn't as Disney one like this one.  We had a pool, jungle gym set, swing set, slides, and sand boxes.  There was always a cover on our sand boxes to keep the sand nice and no gross stuff in it.  Our backyard was the place to be in the neighborhood.

I am pretty tired today.  I hope I sleep better tonight like I did last night.  I slept a lot last night, I think because I did not sleep at all the night before.  I had to run to the store after Emily's lesson for both the piano books I need tomorrow and for milk and sleep medicine.  I did pick up a 12 can box of pop because I do like it and I do drink a lot of water all day long so I treat myself to decaffeinated pop at night.  No caffeine because that would add to the no sleeping at night.  I need to sleep.  When I don't sleep at all I have more pain the next day.  I need the sleep to help calm the pain so caffeinated pop would be horrible.

All in all it has been a quiet teaching day.  I didn't have my usual Muglia girls although it is the beginning of the month because their mother, Laura, has been very ill.  She was rushed to the hospital a week ago Friday because something was terribly wrong.  They found out she had a artery burst near her intestine.  They quickly did a procedure and she went to ICU.  She is home now and it was a very close call.  She will recover, but it will be slow so we are planning to have piano lessons next month the week after July 4.  That gives her 6 weeks to heal, which I hope she does.  She also has a newborn.  Thomas was born May 23, but with 8 older kids, she does have help, plus all us friends and her family.  I miss my girls though.  The older 4 girls take piano, with Sarah, the 7 year old, just starting to learn.  She has had about 3 lessons and has learned a bit from the older sister, Lydia for the last couple of years so she is doing very well.  Her older 3 sisters have all been playing for about 6 to 7 years so they are pretty advanced.  I need to remember to bring them some new music this next month.  I will write that down.  I just did.

I sent a brief email to the older brother.  I saw a commercial for Disney World and the special pricing it has so I sent him the info.  I know how much he and his family love Disney.  We all can thank Mom for that.  We were introduced to the Disney characters rather early and we were in Magic Kingdom of Disney World  a year after it was opened.  We went in 1973.  The love affair with Disney continues to this day for all of us.

Les Miz

On PBS right now is the concert of Les Miserables, my all time favorite musical.  I have seen it 5 times with the best time being 5th center with my students and my lovely Mother.  I have the soundtrack on CD somewhere.  I am just not sure where it is.  Miss Saigon is another favorite.  I simply love Musicals.  The first live performance I saw was Kiss Me Kate when I turned 10.  It was my birthday present from Mom.  Mom, Andrew, and I went to the local college and so it was awesome.  My favorite character in Les Miz is Eponine.  She is just waiting for love but he loves Colette.  It is a love triangle in the way that both love Marius.  I swear the guy who plays Marius looks just like a Jonas brother.  He really does.  I don't know if it is him or not, but the guy is really good as are all the actors.

I guess I won't be watching Army Wives tonight as this is amazing.  I love this song.   The are singing the finale for the first act, "One Day More".  It is a wonderful finale.  This is what i was working toward when I became too ill to continue.  I was finished with college, had my headshot, and was auditioning.  I had audition for a tour of Meet me in St. Louis.  I had the part if I lost 10 more pounds in one month.  I had recently, at that point, lost about 40 pounds and was quite slim but they needed me to lose 10 more.  The pains had been there for several years but I still could dance although it was getting much harder to do.  By the time the rehearsals started I had to drop out.  The pain was so bad I couldn't dance anymore.  I was almost bed ridden at that time.  It broke my heart to give up the part.  I was playing one of the sisters, the oldest one, Rose.  It was a dream part, but I gave it up.  I would have loved to have been in Les Miz.  Eponine was my absolute favorite character ever.  At times when I am watching this type stuff, it makes me miss performing but I got too sick to perform outside of a few small things here and there.  I haven't been able to dance since 1995 and now it would be impossible (not to mention, I managed to gain a lot of weight since then)  Most of the time, I am not unhappy with how my life turned out, however it is NOT the road I was working toward.  I was going to be on Broadway.  I am happy being a teacher, but it wasn't what I originally wanted to be but thanks to my dance teacher, I became a teacher.  She started me teaching, Mom taught me how to plan lessons, and now I have been teaching since I was 18.  Now, I can't imagine doing anything else.  I just can't.  I do miss performing, but as time goes on, not as much as I used too.

Okay, it is Nick Jonas who is playing Marius!!!  I was right!!!  It is a Jonas brother.  He is spectacular.  He really is.  Also, I missed one of my favorite actresses playing Fantine, Lea Solanga.  She was the original Miss Saigon in Miss Saigon.  She originally played Eponine when she younger now she played Fantine, Cosette's Mother.  Now it is "On My Own".  I love this song too.

Anyways, I had one lesson today.  Rick, my adult singer.  He is doing pretty well.  He practices the Musical Theatre stuff more than the classical although he does really like a couple of songs that we are working on.  since I was awake most of the night again, I took a nap this afternoon.  I was so tired.  I just hope I sleep a bit more tonight.  I really do.

I do hope you are having a good day today.  Back to Les Miz for me!!!!!  "a Little Bit of Rain" Is on right now!

hot day

It is close to 91 degrees today with high humidity.  I am hiding inside from the heat.  Tomorrow is supposed to possibly be like this too then we will cool down a bit to mid 80s, which to me is perfect weather.  I had decided to stop buying pop for the house, but now I am questioning that logic.  I really like the stuff and I do drink water in addition to it so I am thinking I may go and get some from Kroger.  They are on sale at Kroger today.  3 containers of 12 for $10.  That is a really good price since they are about four dollars each at Walmart.  I am not sure I want to venture out in the heat again, but maybe.

I did something I have never done before.  I went to a psychic.  Yup, I went and had the tarot cards read.  She was pretty accurate for  a lot of the information.  I don't know what possessed me to go, I just went.  I don't think I will go back as 1 - I don't have the money and 2 - I am a skeptic.  I just wanted to do something different and I did.  She did mention a few things that nearly had me in tears, like the lose of someone very close, yup, nearly lost it then.  She got me a tissue to wipe my eyes with.  She also mentioned my not sleeping.  This has become a serious problem for me.  I just don't sleep at night.  I am not totally sure why I am not sleeping and it isn't just the pain.  The medicines I take have may cause drowsiness warnings on them and still I am awake most of the night every night.  I even take 3 Tylenol PM's and still I am awake.  I don't know how to work through this issue.  I really don't.  It is very frustrating as I am so exhausted all day from it, yet I don't sleep.  I have limited my caffeine intake and I buy decaffeinated pop so I don't add anymore.  I just am not sure what the deal is.  I really wish I did.  I can't even take good naps in the day like I used to.  I just don't know what to do.  Then there is the issue with missing Mom.  This is a big issue for me.  I was with her day in and day out for 7 years not to mention the fact that I have always lived with her.  Being her caregiver was very important to me and now the importance is gone.  Dealing with this has been tough as most of you know but I am working through this.  What to do with my life?  Well, I don't really know about this one yet either.  I do know a few things.  One thing is I love teaching and want to continue with that the other is that I love living in this house and don't want to move anywhere so I won't.  It really is the perfect set up for teaching.  I have the living room all set up for teaching and living space.  It is perfect.  I will have the family room all set up soon which will clear up some of the other rooms for me.  So basically, this house is the perfect size for me for my teaching.

Anyways, it is a boring day except for talking to Kathy, Donna, and Andrew.  I have no lessons for the day.  I do have one tomorrow afternoon that I am thankful for.  He usually comes today but is unable to so he is coming tomorrow.  I am glad.  My hands are getting numb again, as usual, and the pain level is the normal nothing out of the ordinary so it is a decent day for me.   I think I am going to go and get me some pop.  I have drank enough water today that I could float so time for my pop.  I hope this is a good day for you too.

joy of paying bills

I know that is a weird title for a post, but it is what I am doing today.  Today, I am paying bills.  My disability has come in and it is time to pay them.  I have my little Quicken program ready and the check book too.  I already called Verizon wireless and wow Internet/cable.  I wrote the number of the check for 2 more bills.  I just have to dig in the pile of bills for the hospital bill and the other doctor bills.  I paid a payment on one this morning.  Doctor bills are never ending for me.  Because the old insurance didn't cover doctor visits, I had to pay for them all, which meant several doctors are owed a lot of money but none as much as my primary physician.  I owe him about $1200.  Yup, it is a lot that I owe but I am thankful they let me pay payments.

I went grocery shopping today as it is the day to do it.  I got enough for a few weeks and am glad that is over.  I also picked up this weeks People magazine.  I sometimes get it if the front page looks interesting and it does so I got it.

I have no lessons this afternoon because Acer came home sick from school.  Poor little guy.  He was sick in school.  That has to be awful so he came home and cleaned up before heading to bed for a nap.  Apparently, he was unhappy about the said nap, but his mom prevailed and off her went.  I will see both he and his sister next week for lessons.  This left me with going to grocery shop earlier than anticipated.  Hey, it worked.

I have one lesson tomorrow and one lesson on Sunday for the weekend.  I am glad it is the weekend again.  I bought different sleep stuff this time.  I am anxious to see how it works.  I am going to try it tonight.  I am not sure if tomorrow is Kayla's last lesson until fall or if next week is.  I will find out tomorrow.  Both she and Amanda are stopping for the summer.  So far, they are the only 2 who are and I have 4 new ones starting for the summer.  2 I already mentioned and then two more that I just found out about this week.  I am trying to get a hold of one of them to introduce myself but their phone is very strange.  I am not sure if it is taking messages or not.  Like I said, very strange.  Also, I have tried about 3 times all different times of the day to get a hold of this mom.  I do hope so before they start.  I would feel bad if I didn't, but I am trying.

I have no plans for vacation this summer.  I really can't afford a vacation so I am not planning one.  I need to save money to pay the property taxes by March 1 of next year and it is a lot of money.  I am waiting to see the bill that they usually send by now so I know exactly how much I owe.  Right now I can only estimate what I owe.  I am confident, though, that somehow, someway that bill will be paid and I will be fine.  Kathy is planning to come to town next month sometime.  I may go to Kalamazoo for a couple of days to spend with Kathy and kids, but we shall see.  I am not really sure at this point.  It all depends on how many absences I have this summer.

It has been an okay day today.  I am tired, as usual.  That doesn't seem to ever go away along with the general pain.  It isn't too hot today.  Tomorrow is supposed to be about 87 degrees so I may be hiding in my house.  It all depends on the humidity on whether or not I go outside or not.  I do hope it is a good day for you too.

better day

It is a better day than yesterday.  I am not so sad today.  I had one lesson and before that lesson I decided to get a bagel from Tim Horton's (with a milk instead of a pop!).  My friend, Rosemary was there too!  She and I had a nice little visit.  She actually lives down the street from me but I usually don't see her in the neighborhood as I am not outside very often and I can't see her house from mine. She lives all the way down the street from me.  We usually run into each other at Tim Horton's when we see each other.  She is doing okay.  There is so much paperwork when a person passes away, it is unbelievable so she is in the midst of doing all that paperwork.  They have some investments so there is even more paperwork for her.  Thankfully, Mom's stuff wasn't that complicated, just time consuming.  I hope that I have dealt with the last doctor yesterday except for the one that needs a letter and a copy of the death certificate.  Every other doctor has said no problem, we will take care of this.  This doctor wants a letter and the certificate.  What do they think, that I am lying?  Whatever, i will get around to it.  So anyways, Rosemary and I just sat and chatted a bit about everything.  She is an older lady (okay, she is older than Mom was by a few years) but I simply just love her.  She is so nice and sweet.  She is interested in antique dolls and children's toys.  She belongs to a doll club and a garden club that meet monthly through out the year.  I have a few dolls that I am going to donate to the doll club so that they will be auctioned off for whatever the club needs.  Usually, the money is to help a member who has lost their spouse or family member.  It is definitely for a good cause.

I slept through my blood test yesterday for my protime so I have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.  I decided not to make it for the morning because I knew it would be hard for me to get up.  I have stopped trying to pretend that I get up early or can get up early.  I don't and it is really hard for me to do.  I end up sleeping all afternoon so that is that.  No more pretending that I can do these things.  People can take it or leave it.  I am not going to set my alarm to get up at what other people call a good time to get up.  I will get up when I wake up.  As many nights I don't get several hours sleep until after 4 or 5 am, I am no longer going to try to get up at 8 or 9 am.  It doesn't happen and I am not going to try anymore.  When I get up that early, I end up back in bed an hour or two after I got up and I sleep for about 4 to 5 hours.  I will get up when I get up.  Thursday and Saturday I am up a bit earlier, Thursdays at 12 noon and Saturdays at 11:15 for lessons.  I don't teach before noon except for Saturday which I start at 11 am.  i am not going to start any earlier because I don't teach very well when I am more exhausted than usual.  Yes, I am aware that I spend a lot of time in bed.  I don't know anyone who has fibro who doesn't.  So I made my little blood test appointment for 1:30 in the afternoon.  That gives me plenty of time to get up and go.  I don't make the doctor appointments too early anymore either.  The next arthritis doctor is for 11:30, which isn't too bad.  I will have time for a nap if necessary before the lessons of the day.  next time I will go for an afternoon appointment.  That would work out better for me.

I had a potential new student call this week, however, I think they wanted morning lessons but they said afternoon but when she went through the schedule, it sounded like morning would work better.  I start lessons at noon and not any earlier.  Also, I was the second one she called and she was waiting for the cal back.  I haven't heard anything yet.  I am not surprised.  They are very busy and I think she thinks I am extremely young because I have a young sounding voice.  I did tell her my age and how long I have been teaching, but it is almost as if she didn't believe me.  Whatever, i guess, don't believe me.  I don't lie.  That is not my style nor do I say I am an age that I am not.  I am 43, I am aware that I sound very young.  It may not be good for teaching or regular speaking, but it certainly helps my singing.  My squeaky little voice for speaking sings nicely (when it wants too!)  Anyways, it has been a long time since someone asked how old I was.  I do have 3 new students with the new company for the summer.  i am very excited about that.  This will help offset the 2 students who are quitting for the summer.  2 of them are 6 and will take piano, and the third is 11 and will sing.  I am excited about them all.  I now have a slightly busy Tuesdays with lessons at 2, 5, 5:30, and 6:30.  It will be a good day for me.  I am glad the summer is shaping up well.  I am almost to the point I have enough students.  It is a slow road, but I knew it would happen.

It is beautiful out again today.  Just the perfect temperature and the breeze with much sunshine!  I love today type weather.  It is good for shorts, but not too hot to make me ache like winter.  I am still quite dizzy and light-headed a lot.  That actually worries me but I think it may just be side effects or my anemia.  On the 13th I will find out my test results and I believe my anemia was tested too.  I also will know if the arthritis in the back and hips is worse from the x-ray.  I do hope you are having a great day.  Like I said, today is a much better day.  Yes, I still miss mom but it is more bearable today.  Yesterday, it just wasn't.  Boy, grief hits you when you least expect it, that has been my experience with it.

It's June!

It's June!  It is hard to believe that it is, but it is.  Today is beautiful out with a nice cool breeze unlike the really hot day we had yesterday.  This is nice springy type weather that I love.  The sun is out and the temperature is beautiful.  I do hope the A/C on but it isn't running right now since the house is now cool enough.

As usual, I am exhausted today and I haven't done anything yet except eat lunch!  I am waiting for Bob to call to tell me he is on his way.  He is waiting for a repair person to come and fix something in the house.  It is looking like we may be having his lesson tomorrow instead which will work for me if it works for him.  Either way works for me.  I don't have Breanna tomorrow again as she is trying very hard to finish up the school year.  She is homeschooled and does a lot of schooling online.  It is pretty neat because when she finishes she will also have college credit too.  That is pretty neat, I think.

Other than lessons not too much going on here.  I was recently reading a year ago's posts.  Boy it is hard to believe what was going on a year ago.  Mom was still here (wish she still was) but she was in the nursing home for rehab.  That, clearly, was a mistake on my part.  No, I don't think it would have ultimately changed her future, but she may have been lesson scared and upset for 2 1/2 weeks and that is something.  She may have been able to be more with it for the summer.  I remember taking care of her with almost everything.  At that point she had slid into stage 6 of Alzheimer's.  We would go to my Uncle's so he could see her and so could my brother.  Most of the time she did well, only near the end was it hard on the little lady.  It hurts at times to think back of how her last summer was.  I know at times I was not patient, and a little upset at things, but I did try to take good care of her.  I really did try.  My one brother wants me to only look forward and not look back at all.  How can I do that when looking ahead means living without Momma?  I do try but sometimes it is overwhelming to think I have a life without her.  I can't even begin to imagine my world where she is not there.  I don't get as upset as I did. I often wonder how my friends do this.  How do you look forward to a world with out the person you love?  Mothers are so important and I do get upset at how some people don't take good care of their moms.  I wonder if they realize that someday that mom will not be there and then what will they do?  I miss mine all the time.  I have friends who miss their moms all the time too and it has been years.  how do they do it?  Is it easier if you have a family of your own?  I don't know.  I don't have a family of my own.  My extended family gets upset with me because I miss her so much at times.  My brothers get upset too but none of these people lived with her and were her caregiver.  Is it harder because I was the caregiver?  I loved taking care of Mom.  I know when I was younger and even a few years ago declared that if she needed 24/7 care then she would have to go into a home.  Well, we all know that when she needed the care she stayed with me and I did it.  It didn't bother me like I imagined it would  I can't imagine not taking care of her.  We still had good chuckles last summer even though her memory was practically gone.  Most of the time she knew me although the few times she didn't it broke my heart.  She called out for Richard and Andrew and sometimes I was able to have them call her.  Even the day we brought to the hospital for the last time she was asking where my brothers were.  The hospice nurse and I just told her they had to go home.  She seemed fine with that.  Today is just a sad day for me, I think in general.  I miss my old life and want to go back to it.  I had to call yet another doctor who just sent me his bill for Mom to tell him Mom is gone.  I think that is what brings it all back.  The reality of having to tell people she is gone.  It makes me sad and cry.  I want my mom back.

Hot weather with storms

It is so hot and humid today that I broke down and turned on the a/c.  It is 79.5 degrees in the house, it is nice and cool in the house.  I did briefly go out this afternoon, but it was only for a short time.  I need to get gas but I can't until I get my disability on Friday.  When Carson has his lesson tomorrow I may be able to get some gas then too so that is good.  I am glad to see June as May brought many storms and much storm damage to many people.  I was lucky, I didn't have any storm damage so for this stormy season.  I hope that there isn't anymore storms that will damage houses.  It has just been such a horrible season and it has only just begun.

Charlie had his lesson this evening.  He called to let me know that he will be late because traffic was just horrible.  I used to have a student right after him, but now I leave the 1/2 hour after him empty because I know what traffic is like at that time of day.  My next student will start at 6:30 and she begins next week.  She is an adult and will be taking singing.  I will be getting the music ready for her this week.

I have a lovely blood test tomorrow at 11:10 am.  Yuck, that is what I think.  I am not looking forward to it because my arms have been so sore lately and I don't have any regular pain pills right now.  My arms have been so sore and weak for a couple of weeks now.  It keeps me up more at night than the regular pain that I have.

I am hoping the doctor will refill the prescription by tomorrow.  I was able to sleep a lot last night but that might be because I didn't sleep at all Sunday night.  I slept until about 2:30 this afternoon.  I know, that is insane but I was so tired and dizzy.  I have had a problem with dizziness lately.  I don't know what that really means.  I do have anemia so I researched a bit with that and apparently, dizziness is a symptom of anemia.  I try to take iron pills but they make me sick to my tummy so what can I do?  I have to learn what foods have high iron as I also can't take a general vitamin because of the coumiden I take.  General vitamins have vitamin K in them and that is a natural blood clotter something I don't need help with that. Sometimes I just feel so lost in the mist of all these syndromes, vitamin deficiencies, and other symptoms.  At least, that is how I feel today.  I am just at my wits ends trying to figure out what to do with some of these things.  It is just so overwhelming at times.

My friend, Deb, wrote an excellent post today about fibro and Chronic Fatigue.  It is wonderful.  If you get a change, please go and read it.  It makes you really think about these illnesses and how they impact your life.  Here is the web address: http://debsfibromyalgiablog.blogspot.com   It is the post called "Have you ever?"  It is an excellent post.  I was nodding my head at almost everything.  Yes, I have asked loved ones not to hug me as I was so sore, yes, I have a headache all the time, yes, I have been so tired I couldn't even take a shower, and on and on it went.  Definitely, an excellent read and really shows what this illness so many of us have is all about.

I am hoping that tomorrow I will clear the dining room table and change the table cloth for the summer.  The summer one is underneath the Easter one.  I was so exhausted the day I changed the tablecloth, I just put it on top of the other.  It is long enough that you can't really tell that there is another one underneath.

I do hope that this finds you doing well and having a great day!  Please don't forget to read my friend, Deb's post from today!

Memorial Day

I did not sleep at all last night.  I think I drank too much Diet Coke.  I went out to eat yesterday and I shouldn't have had so much pop.  I also was having problems with my arms.  They were weak, uncomfortable, and they hurt no matter how I tried to sleep.  I finally got up at about 5:30 and went downstairs to read.  I finished the Secret Second Life of Bree Tanner and started the Illustrated Guide of Twilight.  I read until about 8:30 am and then went back to bed for a few hours.  I still had a bit of trouble sleeping, but I was able to sleep a bit.  I read some more this afternoon before taking a couple of hours nap before Emily's lesson.  She did very well.  She is just learning how to read notes so flash cards are a bit hard for her but she did it very well.  I am hoping to sleep better tonight.  It is so hard when the arms aren't very comfortable and they hurt.  They still hurt a bit, but I don't know why and it is driving me crazy.  I hope it is better tonight.

The Bachelorette is on right now.  It is insane show but I don't think there is anything else on.  It is a holiday and the usual shows are over now with most of my shows having their season finale last week or the week before.  I am hoping that I will be getting very sleepy soon so that I will go back to bed and hopefully sleep tonight.

I have a slightly busier week than usual as I have a blood test (the usual one, not a special one) on Wednesday.  I have to be there at 11:10 and I don't really like being up that early but I can always go to bed early if necessary.  I have 3 lessons that afternoon that I am excited about.  Tomorrow is Charlie's lesson.  He is collecting returnable cans and bottles for the relay for life that he and his girlfriend are participating in next weekend.  I have some more for him.  I meant to give it to him last week, but I forgot before he left.  I will hopefully remember before he leaves from his lesson.  He is the only lesson I have tomorrow so all the plans I had for the weekend (that I didn't do) I will do tomorrow.  The only thing I managed to do was to get the Little Women books out of the garage.  There are so many boxes in the garage right now that need to find a better home in there.  I will work on that later this month.  The inside of the house is my first priority.  I do hope by the heat of the summer my car will be in the garage now that the door is fixed.

It is finally warmer out, only we skipped the nice spring weather and jumped right into super hot and humid summer weather.  We are supposed get storms again tomorrow and then, possibly, 5 days in a row of no rain!  Can you just imagine?  It has rained so much these last few months that I forgot was sunny day after sunny day was like.  We had snow at the end of April and then pretty much tons of rain in May so I wonder what June will be like.  I am hoping that the summer will be filled with nice weather but not super hot.  I don't do very well with super hot but I will take that over super cold because at least I have air conditioning.  Thankful for that!

I am going to read a bit now.  I am re-reading Little Women.  I haven't read that book in many years.  My Mom bought me this edition in 1994 when the latest movie came out.  I have seen the other two, but the Elizabeth Taylor one was an exact remake of the Katherine Hepburn one and neither movie was exactly like the book, but the Winona Ryder one was closer.  Mom and I saw it together and I mentioned I would love to read the book again because I gave my old copy to a neighbor when I was 16.  At the time I was getting rid of all my "children" books because I was almost grown up and too old for these books.  Yeah, right.  Well Mom and I went to the book store a few days later and she bought me the book along with the Little Men and Jo's Boys books.  I was so pleased to discover last weekend that it did NOT get donated with the boxes of other books I had donated to the Rummage Sale 3 years ago.  This find really made my day last Saturday even better.  It just added to the excitement of closing the unit and having Kathy here for the weekend.  It was all around good.

I do hope this week is good.  Outside of the blood test, there isn't anything special or exciting just lots of wonderful lessons.  In 2 weeks I will go to the Arthritis Doctor for my test results.  I wish it was sooner, but it isn't.  Oh well, I can somewhat be patient.  i just hope my arms let me sleep tonight!

I hope your day was wonderful and spent with family and friends!

stormy evening

Well, we have warmer weather and the late afternoon/early evening thunderstorm.  The tornado alarm a few miles away from me was going off when I was coming home from Walmart.  I can hear the thunder where I am sitting.  There is no hail though.  I have the news on right now.  It is moving towards Ontario now and apparently it is an awful one.  It is very loud here at home when the thunder rolls.  We are again, expecting a lot of heavy rain.  Nothing new for this spring.  It has rained more than usual this spring.  It seems every other day it is storming bad.

I had lunch with Donna this afternoon.  When I woke up I decided I didn't want to do anything downstairs today and I didn't want to be home alone all day so I called her to see what she was doing.  She wasn't doing anything, so I said I am coming to get you and I did.  It was a very enjoyable afternoon.  She bought us lunch.  I had enough money for us, but she insisted.  I no longer argue as she is difficult to argue with, there basically is no point in arguing so I didn't.  I just said thank you and went to get our drinks.  Donna wheeled herself to the table.  She is confined to a wheelchair most of the time now.  Her spine is just a mess.  She, herself is an amazing woman.  How she had survived what she has survived is amazing.  About 16 or so years ago, she was on the top floor of the school she taught in and slipped on some water that wasn't marked wet floor and went down 3 floors through the atrium area.  I can't even imagine how she survived that, but she did.  Her spine is now has 2 rods in it.  Unfortunately, she was in a car accident a few months ago and I think the hardware in her back loosened.  The specialist thinks so too so she is in a lot of pain most of the time.  We were at the restaurant for about 3 hours and enjoyed ourselves.  I just didn't want to be home today.  It was one of those days.  It was a year ago today that Mom went into the nursing home, which is the time when she started going downhill.  I just couldn't deal with staying home all day alone, I needed company.  After lunch I came home and then I remembered I needed some milk and a few items.  I bought some dinner stuff so that I could have my own little BBQ here at home.  I have one lesson tomorrow so I will have the little BBQ earlier in the evening since the lesson in evening.  I am very glad that I have the lesson.

I have almost finished all the books I got this week from the Doubleday book club.  Boy, that is not good.  I need more to read.  Good thing I brought home from the storage unit.  I have already brought some in, but we just brought some home last weekend so I will get them this week.  I have already read them, but it has been years since I have read them.  I know that Little Women is one of them along with a few others by Louisa May Alcott.  I really like that book.  Mom first bought it for me when I was in elementary school.  When I hit high school, I took all my children's books and gave them to a neighbor.  I have since re-bought a few of those because I still like them.  The Anne of Green Gables is another series that has had to be bought again.  The Emily of New Moon books are another set that I have re-bought.  The amount of money I could have saved!  But I have the books now, so I am happy.  I had thought those books were donated to a rummage sale, but I was so happy to discover, they weren't!  Now that the unit is closed, I have the books in the garage.  Eventually they will go back downstairs on the book shelves.  I love books!  I am going to read some more this afternoon.  I am tired now.  It isn't quite bedtime yet, but it will be soon.

I have been a bit lightheaded again today.  I have been having that problem lately.  I am not sure why.  I also get weak super easy at times too.  I don't know why for that either.  I have a lot of questions about the new symptoms I have had.  I have read about anemia, which I do have.  I am wondering if it is getting worse.  I can't take a multivitamin because there is vitamin K in it, and that would work against the blood medicine, and iron pills make me throw up, literally.  They make me so sick to my stomach that I just can't take them.  I don't know what to do about this.  I will find out more on June 13 when I go back to the doctor and get my test results.  i suppose there hasn't been anything too bad because I haven't heard from them and I think that I would if there was something horrible.  I don't know.

I think I am going to read for a while now.  It is almost time to take my nighttime medicine.