Tuesday, April 3, 2012

5 days until the birthday!

5 days and I will be 44.  When I was young, I thought 44 was soooooo old and yet it isn't!  I feel older than 44 at times.  Sometimes, I feel that I am almost 90 and other times, like I was 10 or so.  My spirit feels very young, but my body is very old.  I think most of us who have Fibro, feel very old in the bones or at least the ones I know do.  Sometimes, when I am resting, my dreams take me to such wonderful places.  Places I have been or seen on TV or in a book or in a magazine.  I dream of doing things that I know I cannot.  One is walking the great Chinese Wall.  Yeah, that would most likely never happen since the stairs to get there would totally wear me out before I got very far.  I also dream of doing things like skydiving (although the thought of jumping out of a perfectly good plane scares me when I am not dreaming), scuba diving, running a marathon, traveling the world by backpacking.  Sometimes, I get inspired to do something and then reality hits and I realize that I can't physically do that.  I don't usually mind my limitations, but some days it does bother me.  Last night was one of them.  I want to have "adventure in the great wide somewhere" (like Belle sings in the Beauty and the Beast movie and play), "I want it more than I can tell". Today though, it doesn't bother me.  I am watching NCIS, which is pretty typical of a Tuesday night.  When I was very young (about 11), I fell in love with the stars, the moon, and space in general.  I wanted to be an astronaut.  Momma and I researched what I would need to do.  The first thing was that I would join the Navy.  Then I would become a fighter pilot and fly those lovely jets.  During that time, I would become a US citizen because in order to work for NASA you must be a US citizen.  Unfortunately, I didn't grow tall enough to become a fighter pilot, then came the scoliosis.  I fell back into the music dream again, then.  I am not sorry though because as it turns out, I truly feel I was born to teach.  I love teaching much more so than performing, although I do love singing in the church choir and I do like to sing solos once in a while, but overall, I would rather teach than do almost anything.  I am thankful that my dance teacher started me teaching and that Mom helped me so much with how to do it.

Dance Moms is on right now.  They are in New York City getting ready to audition for the Joffrey Ballet Company summer program.  They are such a good program.  I would have loved to train with them.  The moms are being so loud while the audition is going on.  It is just crazy.  That is partly why I like the show because they are so outrageous.  It amuses me.  It is not how I run my music lessons.  I work very hard to not have any favorites.  There is something special about each of the students.  It just takes a bit of time to find that specialness of each student, but I find it.  Anyways, I do find Dance Moms to be entertaining.  Tonight is the first episode of Dance Moms, Miami.  It should be interesting, I think.  I am not sure if I will stay up to watch it since I am very tired now.  I may just watch the end of this one and head for bed right after it.  Oh my, the Abby Lee Company just got a 10th place.  I don't think they EVER got 10th place before.  It was a definitely a blow to the egos.  On the other hand, Chloe won the scholarship to the ballet school for the summer.  That is awesome.  She will learn so much this summer from them.

The movie "Titanic" will be re-released as a 3D movie.  I have one student who absolutely loves that movie.  Selma is planning to see it on Thursday.  She has been waiting for the movie to come out for so long now.  I saw it in the theatre when it was originally out.  I liked it, but there were parts I didn't like.  I am not planning to see the movie.  I think there are other movies I wish to see and I don't do very well with 3D and things coming at my face.

I forgot again to call the hospital for physical therapy.  I have been meaning to call since last Wednesday.  Whoops,  I have got to do this.  I am supposed to have physical therapy for 1 month, 3 days a week and occupational therapy for 1 week, 2 to 3 times.  The occupational therapy is for my hands, which are having a hard to closing.  It hurts so much at times.  The physical therapy is for the back and hips so maybe they won't hurt so much.  The idea is to stop taking the Meloxicam but I am not sure that will ever happen.  I know the risk, but I can't walk at the end of the day if I don't take it.  I am not sure if I will ever stop taking it for arthritis, risk of bleeding or not.  How will I function if I don't take something for the arthritis pain?  I have to take that risk because otherwise I can't move by the end of the day.  At this point, I have no choice but to take it.  I can walk at the end of the night because of it so I don't see stopping anytime soon unless something better comes along.

I am going to read for a bit before I go to bed.


  1. Thank you for sharing, I just came across your blog and it was so nice to read some of your post and be able to relate to it! Best Wishes to you!

  2. Happy birthday early!
    I can also relate to physical limitations...my knee has held me back for so many years. I'm hoping my knee replacement surgery will change some of that! Walking the Wall would be awesome!
    Take care,