Monday, September 9, 2013

the ups and downs of fibro fog 9-9

A blog post got me thinking tonight.  It was on the ups and downs of fibro fog.  It is true that there are ups to having fibro fog.  You forget bad things that have happened, at least, I have.  I no longer can remember some of the abuse I suffered as a child from relatives (not my Momma but some relatives on my father's side of the family).  For years, I suffered with the haunting memories and how they made me feel.  Momma would try and try to help me (once she actually knew what had happen - because as with most victims, I lied to her at first and it was years before I could face her with the truth).  I went to counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists, to no avail.  It wasn't until I almost tried to kill myself at 22, that I finally found the help I desperately needed.  I went to a treatment facility for 3 months and it really helped a lot.  It was there I faced what had happened to me and how I did nothing to deserve that type of behavior.  Anyways, the bottom line is, that thanks to fibro fog, I no longer remember the incidents for the most part of which I am very glad about.  I can look back in my childhood of the good things I remember.  Now some of them I can't really remember, Momma or my friends or my brothers would tell me the stories and that is what I mostly remember.

I was the annoying friend who used to be able to tell a friend, for example, Kathy, where we were when something happened, what we were wearing, and who we were with.  Overall, I drove her absolutely bonkers.  I used to smile and laugh at that.  She said she couldn't remember much.  Well, I can't know so we both laugh and talk about what we are doing today, right now and not focusing on the past like I used to.

One thing I have noticed with not only fibro fog, but fibro in general, I tend to focus on the today and not anything else.  Because I don't know what I will feel like day to day, I don't plan too far in advanced but when I do have something I want to do, I rest up for it.  That is definitely something I have learned to do.  I look at the important things in life, friends, family, relationships, and not the rat race that many others are focused on.  Yes, when it comes to the financial world, i will never be on top, but I am able to live and do things for me.  I have made adjustments in my life to make sure I can pay bills and stuff when it comes up.  Sometimes, it is easy, sometimes, it is hard.  I look for the joy in everyday, even when I am in a lot of pain because I know I could easily be in worse pain or in worse condition.  With the tight rope of my health, not just with fibro, but all my other health issues, I have to make sure I eat right, lose weight (down 31 pounds so far!!!), and sleep as much as I need in order to function from day to day.  I am lucky with the friends that I have who live with me.  Never have they ever made me feel bad for sleeping too much or anything like that.  If I sleep until 2:30, they are fine with it.  They may get concerned if I am still asleep at 3 in the afternoon and check on me, but they are supportive of me.  If I am sick and need a shot, they give me my shot.  If I have to go to the ER and cannot drive myself, one of them takes me.  Overall, the household arrangement has been working out wonderful.  My family is pretty much supportive as they can be.  Andrew was getting very worried about my constant weight gain and is thrilled with the weight loss.  He was really flipping out, I guess.  I had no idea.  He said he was ready to call my housemate and discuss it with her because he thought I was going to die from all the weight gain.  I was concerned too but I had no idea how concerned he was until he told me last week.

My headache isn't super bad right now.  I took my bedtime medicine and I am trying to see if the really bad headaches are caused by one of the nighttime supplements that I was taking.  I am hoping that they weren't caused by that because they did help me sleep some.  My neck and back were aching pretty bad last night too and for all last week.  It was just not my week, I guess.

Tomorrow, my cousins, Tilley and Luana are coming to pick me up for lunch.  They are also coming to pick up some books because I am getting rid of all my books except for the LM Montgomery books and anything to do with Harry Potter books.  With my nook, I just don't need that many books.  I am also keeping my sewing books.  For some things, you just have to have the physical book for and crafts and sewing are definitely one of those things.

Well, onto words with friends and relaxing before bed.  I have a bit of a tummy ache right now so I am hopeful it will go away rather shortly.

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