I woke up at about 3am this morning completely light headed and dizzy.  I have not had this happen before.  I was a little light headed the other night, but that quickly went away.  When I woke up again, it was gone.  (thank God for that!!!!)  My knee also was ready to give out on me, another new thing.  I often wonder why these things happen at night?  Why not during the day when you can call a doctor and go in?  No, of course not, they happen at night when nobody is in their office.  I almost had to call for help from Mom to get to the bathroom, but I managed to hobble to it.  I must of looked very funny though.  Trying to walk with a leg that is not behaving and my head spinning around.

I have a new little guy tonight.  He is four and very excited about music.  My favorite kind!  I am looking forward to this lesson.  I have to wait until 6:30 for the lesson.  Jennifer (the Mom) got my name from the gym's community board.  At least something good came out of the gym.  We had to stop going because we can't pay for it.  It is just too expensive right now.  How it works  is that the membership is free but you still have to pay for maintenance fees and you have to pay them all up front.  yeah, so much for a free membership.  It just got too expensive for us with the rest of the bills we have to pay.

Not much else going on here.  Mom is falling asleep in her chair at the dining room table again.  she does this often since when she sits still she falls asleep easily.  It looks rather funny.  I don't know if we are going to go for a scooter later tonight, depends on how I feel after the lesson.  I am falling asleep at the table here myself, so I think I will sign off and go take a nap.  I have plenty of time before the lesson to take one.  I hope by the end of the month, I will have an average of 4 or so students a night, more would be nice, but I am aiming for 4.

Have a great afternoon!

Pain level is high right now.  My shoulder and arm are basically on fire.  Or so it feels to me.  My chest is sore today to.  I have taken a pain pill so I hope it kicks in fast.  I notice I am a bit grumpier when pain level is higher.  Mom is too understanding at times.  She just lets it roll right off her if I am grumpy to her.  I should be glad about that but for some reason today it bugs me.  Must be the grumpy butt in me.  I am at least waking up a bit.  I was soooooo tired earlier.  I also was grumpy because I called Donna twice and she didn't answer.  I know, she was on the other line, but you know grumpies!

Mom is bored again, she gets bored rather easy and she is difficult to entertain since she can't remember how to do anything.  We aren't watching TV like usual because they (Hallmark channel) took off my 7th Heaven.  I love that show.  They put Little House on the Prairie back on it its place, I like that show too but I have seen too much of it lately so we aren't watching anything.

I have one student after all today, Bob is making up his lesson that he missed on Monday.  I am very happy about that.  A lesson!!  yeah!  I have my new little guy tomorrow.  He is four and his name is Roman.  He likes to sing too.  A little young for singing lessons, but in a group he would be fine.  I hope to have enough kids to form a little group to sing at the Christmas concert.  I am going to be searching for Christmas music soon, I know hard to believe it is that time of year again.

We have a subdivision meeting tonight so we won't be scootering, also it doesn't look to good out.  I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying fall.

Rainy day today.   Not that I really mind.  We need the rain to make the garden (okay - so ours are full of weeds!) grow.  Kids started school this morning.  Fall is here.  My favorite season.  I had my usual blood test this afternoon.  Only took one time!  Woohoo!  I was very happy about that.  I hate it when they have to take more than one time.  I can clear a room of nurses by just walking in.  Amazing how fast I can do that, it can be comical at times.

Pain is medium for the arm and shoulder but my chest is not doing well.  It aches horribly.  It is making it a bit difficult to breathe properly.  My jaw is also sore tonight.  I hope it ends soon.

No students today, I hope to hear from Bob so we can reschedule his lesson.  I have no lessons tomorrow either because the Muglia family is ill so no sewing.  We have a subdivision meeting tomorrow night.  I am on the board.  It can be interesting.  We have had some problems in the sub this summer, someone tried to steal a car in the courts and some cars were broken into.  Our car was egged.  Not a pretty sight.  

We won't be going out tonight, I am just not feeling up to it.  I probably will watch TV and play with my Nintendo DS lite.  I love that thing.  It is very addicting.  I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying the first day of schools for your little ones if you are lucky enough to have some!

I had 4 students today, I was supposed to have 6, but Peter was sick at the Muglia's and Bob will be rescheduling for later this week, so that brought the number down to 4.  I am still happy I had 4!  I won't have the Muglia's for lessons again until next month.  They can only have lessons once a month - at least they still have lessons.

After Kayla's lesson we went to the Olive Garden.  I learned what noodles Mom actually likes the best, I thought it was fettuccine, but it is the penne noodles.  Hmm, even after all this time, I learn something new.  We are now watching a Golden Girls marathon.  Not much else going on tonight.  I don't have any lessons tomorrow because Charlie will be having a marching band practice that normally is on Monday, but because today is Labor Day, they will have practice Tuesday, the day of his lesson.  Frank will be absent again, I think we have 3 more weeks of absences from Frank from his cracked wrist.  I wonder how he is doing.  I haven't heard from him at all (not that I really expected too).  Tomorrow is the first day of school for all students.  I hope they all enjoy it.  I remember school, yuck.  Glad I am not in school now.

Pain level is medium, my arm and shoulder is doing alright except when I move it too much, then it kills.  I have done it twice already this afternoon.  I hope not to do it again tonight.  It's raining so no scootering tonight.  Not that I really feel up to it.

Hope you are having a great day and enjoying the holiday.

A rather boring day.  I took a nap this afternoon for about 2 hours.  I could have slept longer but Mom kept coming in asking when I was planning to wake up.  Not very usual when one is trying to sleep.  She gets so bored and doesn't mean to interrupt.  She no longer likes to be downstairs alone.  So now she is with me everywhere.  She gets so nervous over little things.  It frightens her when she gets hot flashes and she gets them a lot.  They make her cry and freak out.  We go through this at least 2 times a day.  I don't know what to do about it, I don't think there is anything to do about it.  We can't afford to take her to the doctor, I don't think it is anything serious.

Pain level is medium as usual.  My arm and shoulder and the head of course must join them.  I had one student today, Katie.  She is an every other week student.  She is 16 years old and very excited about her new job at the library.  She is excited because she proudly informed me she doesn't need a scholarship for lessons any more.  She can pay me for them.  I didn't mind giving her a scholarship, she works hard and practices and everything.  But she was so proud when she told me she could pay for lessons again.  I gave her a scholarship in April when her father lost his job.  Instead of only having 1 lesson a month, she would have two and the second one would be a scholarship, I would so rather teach a lesson for a student like her then have her have to have even less lessons.

This Saturday, Katie will be coming back to help me pass out more flyers.  Rachel will be helping me too this week.  Remember 18 new students is what I need.  I have 400 more flyers to pass out.

We aren't going for a scooter this evening.  I am feeling real tired so we will be going to bed rather early.  I have to get up early tomorrow for the Muglia's lessons!  I will have 6 lessons tomorrow.  I am excited about that.

Have a great evening.

I didn't sleep very well last night.  I was up I think for most of it.  I just couldn't sleep, no reason, just couldn't.  Rather annoying to say the least.  I am not as tired as I thought I would be though.  Of course, it is only 1:30 in the afternoon!  

I had one student today, Lily, she is 11 (already!) she takes voice.  She is doing pretty well with it and practices more than when she played the piano.  One of the older girls wants to sing at Christmas with her.  I think that will be neat.  They will sound good together.

It occurred to me last night (when I couldn't sleep) that my older brother, Richard cannot handle my illness.  When I was talking to him he said I sounded "better".  Well, I am not better, I sounded happy, that's all and I was because I was talking to him.  I read a blog this week (a new one for me) pointed out how people want her to be "better" and don't realize that you can sound happy and not be better.  That is Richard in a nutshell.  He wants me to be better.  Maybe someday he will realize this is better and this is what it is going to be.  I have learned to live with my limitations (most of the time!) so he will have to too.

Pain isn't so bad today.  Even my arm is somewhat behaving (for now anyway).  My head is down to its dull roar and so is everything else.  I am not sure if we are going to scooter today or not.  Mom gets overheated so easy and it is sunny out so I don't know if it is a good idea.  She got extra hot yesterday when we went to CVS for our ticket.  We didn't get any numbers.  We will try again for Tuesday.

Tuesday I have to have my blood test, the one I managed to forget about this month.  Because of the blood thinners, I have to have blood tests at least once a month, sometimes more depending on my blood.  I hate blood tests!  They hurt too much.  I did completely forget that I didn't make the appointment for this one.  Silly me, fibro fog!

I am going to pick out a movie for us now.  Or a TV show.  One or the other.  Someday I hope to have a TV in the living room instead of on the kitchen table and we watch from the dining room table.  It gets rather uncomfortable at times.

Have a great day and enjoy the holiday weekend.

I am having a better day than yesterday.  I talked to Richard, the big brother!  It's his 45th birthday!  He he he!  I didn't get to rub it in because he doesn't have a good sense of humor (except when he's doing the teasing!) He sounded good though, I know he is stressed because in a few weeks his temp job will be over and he will be unemployed again.  His kids, Abby and William are in school already!  Apparently they like their new teachers and are happy to see their friends, not happy to be in school, but seeing their friends.  I miss them so much.  Like Richard said, I have too much time on my hands and that makes me miss them even more.  If Richard doesn't find a new job in a few months I will ask him if Mom and I moving in will help.  

I checked the bank account and the deposit DID post, but I am not spending a dime until I know for sure it has gone through.  I hope by next Thursday should be safe.  We have a lot of bills to pay.  Like so many in this country, we are struggling pretty bad.  I have two new students that begin this week and next so that will add some more to our coffers.  I need at least 8 more new ones but would like 18 more new ones.  Then we will have some wiggle room and be able to pay our property taxes for 2009 that we haven't paid yet.

Pain kept me up a lot last night and this morning Mom kept coming in my room and asking me questions so that kept waking me up.  finally at 12:15 she comes in and says didn't I want to be up by noon?  Yeah, that was my cue to get up so I did.  We then went to our usual Tim Horton's for brunch and then grocery shopping.  I have decided that I hate grocery shopping on a budget.  But I did pretty well, 10 days worth of dinners for $40.  Most of the dinners are about $2 total for dinner.  Not bad.  We couldn't get the Healthy Choice dinners because they cost too much, but we got dinners and that is what counts.

I don't think we are going to go out tonight.  I am really tired and Mom is falling asleep next to me.  It is only 4:15 but it feels more like 8 or 9 pm.  

I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day.  It's a holiday weekend!  fortunately, I am teaching all three days so I am a happy camper about all this.

I am very annoyed today.  The disability check is memo posted.  It may post tonight or tomorrow, but even then it may get sent back to social security because my name is no longer on the checking account.  I had to take it off last Friday because of the Citibank incident.  I spoke to a bank person and they can't tell me when I should be able to pay bills with this money we desperately need.  Anytime, it can be apparently sent back to the treasury.  At that point, it will take 10 days before I get the paper check.  The person's behavior was like, oh well, it isn't a big deal.  Well it is to me.  I have a house payment to pay, a car payment to pay, and other utilities, and oh yeah, the important thing known as food!  She was like, pretend that it is okay.  Sure, take the chance that it is okay.  That could only cause me a charge of $37 + additional fees every time something bounces.  Yeah, like I can afford to take that kind of chance.  Her attitude bugged me the most.  It may not be a big deal to her, but it is a huge deal to us.  Sometimes I envy Mom's memory problem.  She doesn't even remember going to the bank.

I have a big headache from all this.  It's just joining the arm and shoulder.  I know I am not supposed to get so upset because it makes me ache more, but how could I not in this situation.  I just feel like nothing is going right.  Should I throw the towel in and beg Richard to let Mom and I to come and live with him?  I don't know.  I could just scream.  I feel like telling the bank, fine, take the house and everything in it.  Whatever!  I know Mom would be upset about it and I can't take her upset.  I also have not gotten my back disability yet.  It was supposed to come in August, well, it is September now.  I feel very low today, lower than Monday when I had my meltdown.  I don't know what to do now.  As soon as I get my back disability I will be able to file for bankruptcy and then my name can go back on the bank account.  It isn't like Mom can really handle money anymore.  She can barely sign her own name right now.  Not a good situation.

I don't know if we are going out for a scooter or not, depends on pain level.  Right now it is really high.  I just feel powerless right now.

It's Wednesday!  I feel alright right now.  I picked up my darvacet and finally was able to take one after a week of no pain medication except for Tylenol.  Tylenol doesn't do a whole lot unless you take more than you are supposed, of course I did.

During our usual Tim Horton's visit, we met a young girl named Audra who was lost.  She was supposed to meet some friends, and I think they don't really know how to tell anyone how to get to their house.  Anyway, she asked to borrow my phone because she didn't have one, called them, and from what I could gather, they had no idea that 21 mile rd and mound do not meet because that is where they told her to meet them.  Needless to say, she was lost and so were they.  They told her that there were gas stations on the corner, that is not quite true, that would be at Hall Rd (M-59) and Van Dyke and the railroad tracks are about 1/2 mile west.  So her friend mentioned Walmart and I told Audra we would take her to Walmart.  She hopped in the car and we drove her, of course when we got there, no friends in sight.  She called them again and no answer.  I wasn't going to just drop her off and leave, finally one of the friends called her back on my phone and they were inside the store.  So off we left her.  I hope she will be okay and have a great day.  

It is beautiful out so after 7th Heaven (one of my favorite shows, but not my very favorite - that would be Stargate SG1!) Mom and I will be going scootering!  It is lovely out so we will take the long trail.  Mom usually enjoys it and loves the fresh air.  I hope this weekend isn't too hot because I plan to scooter a lot.  I originally planned to take her to the zoo, but I have to wait until my disability comes in sometime this month.  Not sure when that will happen.  We shall see!

Pain is low right now in the shoulder, but the middle of the top part of my arm it is medium.  My head is better since I took the pain meds.  I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day.

Had a major breakdown last night before going to bed.  Surprisingly, Mom didn't breakdown too.  I was glad, usually she does and then I have to stuff it back in to make her stop crying.  Didn't have to last night.  I apologized for ruining her credit, raising the amount we owe on the house, and basically financially ruining us.  She doesn't hold anything against me.  I was so upset that my throat hurt from crying so hard.  If we lose the house it is entirely my fault because she put herself in hock to help me buy the store.  Yeah, great move on my part.  A failing business that I thought I could turn around, I could have if the economy hadn't dumped.  Unfortunately, it ultimately doesn't matter, because I did lose the store and I could single handily lose our house.  I know it just things, and being with family is what matters, but it isn't just my things we would be losing, it would be Mom's things too.  I lose other people's stuff, not just my own.  That is what gets me the most, I financially ruined Mom too, not just myself.  I think I could feel better about this whole thing if it was just my stuff.  Not that it matters too much now, it happened and it's over.

Feeling a bit better this morning.  We went to the storage unit and told them when we would be able to catch up on August and September's payments, (because of the Citibank incident), well, we had better be able to pay by the end of the month or they auction off our stuff on October 21.  Great.  Lovely news, nothing like losing everything in the unit.  There are really only a few things in their I want, the rest is going to charity except for the business boxes from the store.  One is Mom's snow globe Richard and I got her from Disney a few years ago for Mother's day.  It is an awesome one.  I also have a few pictures in boxes I would like.  I finally got to sleep around 1am after I had to go downstairs (without Mom - she wouldn't wake up!) to go and get some more Tylenol.  Pain level was really high last night, especially with the breakdown.

Pain level is medium today.  I am going to call Rachel this afternoon and find out when she can come and pass out flyers.  Katie passed out flyers to everyone in the subdivision last night.  I hope I start to get calls soon.  I am trying to be positive about this new plan, but my inner demons of pessimism keeps sneaking out.  Until I lost the store I was an optimist, then I lost the store and went down hill since.  I am working on crawling back up.  Rough climb.

I have one student, Charlie this afternoon.  He plays tenor saxophone.  He practices occasionally, not nearly enough, he should be practicing more.  He will be in Jazz Band this year.  He is almost ready, but not quite.

I hope to go scootering after dinner tonight with Mom.  Have a great day and enjoy the sunshine and nice weather.

Katie passed out 100 flyers.  We have 400 more to pass out.  I was nervous to pass them out in the evening, but people who we handed them to were really nice.  I was happy about that.  Rachel is coming over some time this week to help pass out more.  I am very thankful they are helping, I can't go up and down that many steps.  I hope to get 20 students out of this.  We really need it.  With the Citibank incident we are out $609 and no way of getting it back.  I am hopeful that it will work out for us.  25 regular students would be great.  Mom and I would enjoy that many.  Perfect amount for us right now.  I don't know if I could handle more, being tired all the time and feeling sick all the time too.

My chest is still hurting every so often, then it stops.  I think it is stress, I am very stressed right now.  Because of the Citibank incident, I had to take my name of the checking account right now and my disability check probably won't go through so it will get sent back to the treasury which means they will send it by mail and that will take about 10 days, so we won't have any money until the 13th.  I will have some lessons between now and then so we should have enough money for food, plus we have a little in the saving account.  Thank God I did not put my name on the saving account or we would be in huge trouble.  

My arm and shoulder are high in pain today.  It wasn't so bad until about an hour ago.  I'm glad it was okay while we were passing (well, Katie) out flyers.  My head is bad again too.  We are heading for bed soon so I will be taking Tylenol, I won't be able to get my darvacet until we get my disability.  I haven't had it for a week now.  The Tylenol doesn't work too well, but it helps some, better than nothing.

I hope you are having a great day.