Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Had a major breakdown last night before going to bed.  Surprisingly, Mom didn't breakdown too.  I was glad, usually she does and then I have to stuff it back in to make her stop crying.  Didn't have to last night.  I apologized for ruining her credit, raising the amount we owe on the house, and basically financially ruining us.  She doesn't hold anything against me.  I was so upset that my throat hurt from crying so hard.  If we lose the house it is entirely my fault because she put herself in hock to help me buy the store.  Yeah, great move on my part.  A failing business that I thought I could turn around, I could have if the economy hadn't dumped.  Unfortunately, it ultimately doesn't matter, because I did lose the store and I could single handily lose our house.  I know it just things, and being with family is what matters, but it isn't just my things we would be losing, it would be Mom's things too.  I lose other people's stuff, not just my own.  That is what gets me the most, I financially ruined Mom too, not just myself.  I think I could feel better about this whole thing if it was just my stuff.  Not that it matters too much now, it happened and it's over.

Feeling a bit better this morning.  We went to the storage unit and told them when we would be able to catch up on August and September's payments, (because of the Citibank incident), well, we had better be able to pay by the end of the month or they auction off our stuff on October 21.  Great.  Lovely news, nothing like losing everything in the unit.  There are really only a few things in their I want, the rest is going to charity except for the business boxes from the store.  One is Mom's snow globe Richard and I got her from Disney a few years ago for Mother's day.  It is an awesome one.  I also have a few pictures in boxes I would like.  I finally got to sleep around 1am after I had to go downstairs (without Mom - she wouldn't wake up!) to go and get some more Tylenol.  Pain level was really high last night, especially with the breakdown.

Pain level is medium today.  I am going to call Rachel this afternoon and find out when she can come and pass out flyers.  Katie passed out flyers to everyone in the subdivision last night.  I hope I start to get calls soon.  I am trying to be positive about this new plan, but my inner demons of pessimism keeps sneaking out.  Until I lost the store I was an optimist, then I lost the store and went down hill since.  I am working on crawling back up.  Rough climb.

I have one student, Charlie this afternoon.  He plays tenor saxophone.  He practices occasionally, not nearly enough, he should be practicing more.  He will be in Jazz Band this year.  He is almost ready, but not quite.

I hope to go scootering after dinner tonight with Mom.  Have a great day and enjoy the sunshine and nice weather.

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