Thursday, September 3, 2009

I am very annoyed today.  The disability check is memo posted.  It may post tonight or tomorrow, but even then it may get sent back to social security because my name is no longer on the checking account.  I had to take it off last Friday because of the Citibank incident.  I spoke to a bank person and they can't tell me when I should be able to pay bills with this money we desperately need.  Anytime, it can be apparently sent back to the treasury.  At that point, it will take 10 days before I get the paper check.  The person's behavior was like, oh well, it isn't a big deal.  Well it is to me.  I have a house payment to pay, a car payment to pay, and other utilities, and oh yeah, the important thing known as food!  She was like, pretend that it is okay.  Sure, take the chance that it is okay.  That could only cause me a charge of $37 + additional fees every time something bounces.  Yeah, like I can afford to take that kind of chance.  Her attitude bugged me the most.  It may not be a big deal to her, but it is a huge deal to us.  Sometimes I envy Mom's memory problem.  She doesn't even remember going to the bank.

I have a big headache from all this.  It's just joining the arm and shoulder.  I know I am not supposed to get so upset because it makes me ache more, but how could I not in this situation.  I just feel like nothing is going right.  Should I throw the towel in and beg Richard to let Mom and I to come and live with him?  I don't know.  I could just scream.  I feel like telling the bank, fine, take the house and everything in it.  Whatever!  I know Mom would be upset about it and I can't take her upset.  I also have not gotten my back disability yet.  It was supposed to come in August, well, it is September now.  I feel very low today, lower than Monday when I had my meltdown.  I don't know what to do now.  As soon as I get my back disability I will be able to file for bankruptcy and then my name can go back on the bank account.  It isn't like Mom can really handle money anymore.  She can barely sign her own name right now.  Not a good situation.

I don't know if we are going out for a scooter or not, depends on pain level.  Right now it is really high.  I just feel powerless right now.

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