Thursday

I went to the doctor this morning about the sore throat.  I got an antibiotic, that will be here tomorrow after 5 at the store.  Yeah, not really happy about when it comes in but what can I do about that?  Nothing.  I am grateful I have it at all.  My throat isn't as sore as it was earlier.  This cold has me knocked out today.  I am taking today and tomorrow to take care of the cold.  It had better be history by the weekend because I am not up for having this thing any longer.  I need to clean my contacts.  This cold has made them blurry because my eyes are running so much too.  Ugh, just not feeling great today.  I rescheduled the tummy doctor appointment for 2 weeks because of the cold.  I knew I had to see my doctor today so I rescheduled the other doctor appointment.  I have an eye doctor appointment next Thursday with the tummy doctor the following Thursday.  I am so glad I only have to see the tummy doctor every 3 months.  At one time, they wanted me to come monthly but I just can't afford that.  That is just too much money since on my current insurance I have to pay for doctor visits.  What was I thinking when set that plan up?  Oh yeah, I was healthier than and to add doctor appointments made it very expensive and I wouldn't be able to afford it now.

I am just resting today so no hard decisions to be making.  I am just too tired today.  Monday Tillie and Maia are going to help me with the bankruptcy papers and get them organized and copied.  I need the help.  We are also going to do the State of Michigan papers and I will fill out the new application I have to fill out for food stamps and medicaid.

I called my social worker yesterday and she called me back.  She was very surprised that Mom had passed away.  So were the people at CVS this morning.  Mrs. Biles said to send in the application and she would see what she can do on her end.  She is very helpful for this awful time for me.  The next thing I need to look into is low income housing.  I am planning to stay in the house for a few months to get it ready to sell.  I don't know what Richard is planning to do, he hasn't really told me.  I didn't expect he would.  He will eventually tell me what he is thinking.

Sparky Anderson just died today.  He was the same age as Mom and he died of the same thing.  His poor family.  I know how bad they feel.  It is awful, simply awful, no way around it.  I don't wish this thing to happen to anyone.  It is hard to have someone you love here one moment and the next they are gone.  I am doing better today.  Yesterday, I cried a lot, today not so much.  Today, I am feeling stronger.  With God's help, I will be strong again.  I will.

I have to go and figure out something for dinner now, although I am not very hungry.  I think I will just have some soup even that doesn't sound to fun.  I am just not that hungry today.  I know it is the cold.  I get this way when I get a cold.  I hope tomorrow is a better day and the cold is better too.

Wednesday

I went to make a deposit to the bank today and couldn't.  They have froze my mom's bank account right now until it goes through the courts.  I have been waiting for them to do this, but since they weren't I did use the account.  Now I can't.  Even expecting things like this are hard for me.  Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and hide from the world.  I am not feeling very well today, I am have a cold for the first time in years.  Not really happy about this.  The only good thing is I can't pass it on to Mom and have her get sick too.  I am trying really hard to stay positive about everything.  I am usually an optimist person so I am sure I will be that way again, just right now I am so sad.  I have discovered you can me smile and mean it and be sad at the same time.  I was upset at the bank but that was over the whole situation, not because they can't let me use Mom's account.  I do totally understand and will get that taken care of within the next little bit.  My upset was because Mom is no longer here and that makes me really sad at times although, I don't feel I cry as much as I did last week.  I still want to be with Richard.  I don't think he realizes how alone I really am here at times.

Tillie is getting sick too and so is Maia.  I think they both got what Andrew passed me.  So nice of him to share.  In his defense, what else could he do, he didn't know we would get it and it was my mother's burial so he had to be there.

I am glad all that is behind me now.  I still miss her like crazy and like Missy says, the smallest things either make my cry or smile.  I was looking at some pictures of her and I was smiling last night.  I can't believe I will only see her in pictures now.  She was so full of life.  I wish everyone could have known her.

I have to take care of the state of Michigan stuff this week.  I need to fax over the stuff they want and then that will be taken care of.  I also am going to make an appointment with the bankruptcy attorney.  I have to find out what to do about Mom's too.  Does Mom still file?  I mean, how does that all work?  I don't know.  The lawyer yesterday was pretty confusing about some stuff too.  I am not sure about anything right now.  I do know that he is doing some stuff for us and it is expensive but that is the best way to do it.  It is a lot of work closing out a persons life.  You wouldn't think so, but it is.  I miss her so much today.  I have one lesson later.  I think I am going to take a brief nap shortly.  I am very tired.

I do hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day.

tuesday

I met with the trust lawyer this morning.  Lots of money later, I have things started to close out the rest of mom's trust and estate.  Yeah, they don't mention how much money it costs now do they?  Of course not.  Whatever.  Anyways, it is started and will be finished soon.  Mom doesn't have enough assets to probate so we get to pass over that hassle.  Thank goodness for something good.

I have to reorganize the kitchen tomorrow because Richard doesn't like where some of the electrical cords are, they are a safety hazard.  I agree so I am going to fix it.  I don't need to accidentally burn our house down, that would be a worse nightmare.

I can stay in the house for three years as long as I can keep up with the bills.  A roommate will not be an option as Mom states in the trust no renting or sub renting, so I either have to handle it myself or we sell.  This all depends on me getting a job because I would like to stay here.  I like our house also, I don't really want to move right now.  Maybe later, but not right now.

I am alone tonight which is fine by me because I am getting a cold.  I am so not happy about this as Andrew had one on Saturday and it was pretty nasty so I hope that I get rid of this fast.  I haven't had a cold in years, and usually they turn into lung infections which are pretty bad.  Thank goodness I didn't get it when Mom was here.  Poor little thing, she didn't do very well when she was sick with a cold.  I took care of her when she got them though.  It made it so hard for her to breathe when she had a cold.  I am glad the last two years she really didn't get that many and she didn't have the flu because we got the flu shot every year.  I miss taking care of her.  It gave me a purpose and right now I don't have many purposes in my life.  I do have another lesson tomorrow providing I am not sick with a bad cold.  I haven't seen this particular student since Labor Day weekend.  She is supposed to have lessons every other week.  That hasn't seemed to pan out this year, so I don't count her when I figure out how many students I have on a regular basis.  It works better that she be a bonus student.  Plus her younger sister is supposed to have lessons every other week too and I haven't seen her since last February.

The canker sore in my mouth is rather painful tonight too as well as my throat.  I knew I had some cold medicine but I didn't know where it went.  I am still trying to figure out where stuff went to in the kitchen since it was redone.  Well, after I bought new stuff, I found the old stuff that works really good so that is what I will take tonight.  I have AM and PM stuff that works pretty well.  Mom didn't like it because it was a liquid, but I don't mind the taste and it has a cooling effect to.  She did better with pills.

Thinking about Mom tonight doesn't seem to hurt as much as it did yesterday.  I have cried very little today, so it is a better day than yesterday.  It still is weird and strange not to have her listening to lessons and reminding the students to practice.  She did that up to the very end.  As a matter of fact, until they disconnected her IV, she could still talk and hold short conversations as well as walk.  With the dehydration she got weaker and was unable to talk but before that she was fine.  I do hope someday they fix this disease and then no one will have to have it.  It is simply awful, like so many diseases.  I think this is one of the worse though because it robs you of yourself and your control over yourself.

It has been an alright day, I can't say good, because I am still so sad but alright is a good word for it.  I hope your day was good and enjoyable.  Don't forget to tell your loved ones how much you love them, you never know when they won't be there and you won't be able to tell them that again.

7 lesson day

I have 7 lessons today!  yeah!  I am happy about that.  I survived last night, my first holiday without the little Mom.  I only cried a bit.  Maia is here sorting through pictures for my uncles.  I know Andrew wants some too and Richard.  I will deal with their pictures later.

Not much going on other than lessons today.  Everyone is working on Christmas music right now.  Rachel will actually have a lesson on Wednesday.  She hasn't had one since Labor Day weekend.  I am glad she is having one Wednesday and not Sunday as I am planning to be at my uncle's on Sunday for dinner.  Andrew is supposed to be there too, at least I am hopeful that his car will be okay enough to be there.

Tomorrow I am calling my social worker after I go to the lawyers.  I have to meet with him to find out all I have to do for Mom's trust.  I am going to have to start going through her stuff but I am not doing it for a few more weeks.  I just don't feel like it.  I go into her room and I can still smell her soap.  I like being able to do that right now.  Makes me feel better as it has only been 2 weeks since she died.  Part of me can't believe this horrible stuff started 3 weeks ago and part of me feels like it has been forever since she died.

We are going to be doing secret Santa's for the Christmas Concert among the students this year.  I think that would be fun.  I don't know what I am going to make for the students this year.  Every year (mostly) I usually make an ornament for them.  I have been doing this for almost 20 years now.  I just don't know what to make and I am not ready to start making them yet.  I have until December 12 to finish them, so I will start after Thanksgiving.

I looked on some job sites last night.  I may have found some that are interesting to me.  I have to revamp my resume because it has been 10 years since I have last used it.  Time to dust it off and update it.  I hope I find something or at least find a decent place to live that I can afford.  The best thing would be to find a job that allows me to stay in the house for a while.  That would be the best because then I wouldn't have to rush looking through stuff.  I hope I am healthy enough for work.  I know I am for more students because I already do some teaching.  We shall see for something else.  I am hopeful for that.

It is nice out today with the type of puffy clouds Mom loved.  It made me think of her and smile which I think is the first time I have been able to do that.  Mom loved making shapes out of the clouds.  I still miss her a lot, but the pain isn't there pounding on me all the time right now so that is good.

I hope this finds you doing well and having a good day.

meeting for tea

I met Donna this afternoon for tea at the local borders music and book store.  It was fun.  We were there for about 2 hours before we both started getting a bit tired and had to leave.  It is nice to see her out of the house and out and about.  She had spine surgery last spring and has been recovering ever since.  She is doing pretty amazingly well.  I hope it continues for her.

Today is Halloween.  I am just not into Halloween.  I don't particularly like this holiday.  It isn't like it was when we were small.  I don't do scary very well.  I get nightmares pretty easy and so I tend to shy away from scary stuff.  Normally I would have bought candy this week and Mom would pass it out but this year I am hiding in the house, maybe taking a nap as I am so tired today.  I slept in too but I feel like I could go to sleep some more right now.  Maybe I will go and take a nap.  Hm, I think I will.  More later.

I am back.  I went and took a nap, I just couldn't stay awake anymore.  It is now trick or treating time and I am in the dining room with only the kitchen light on.  Kind of weird being in the dark, but I don't want to turn lights on and have people think I am home or passing out candy.  Kids are definitely out.  I hope no one comes to my door because I won't answer it.  Maybe I should have bought some candy, but I really don't like Halloween, that was Mom's holiday.

Thanksgiving will be next.  I am unsure on whether or not I will cook a dinner or go to someone's house for it.  I will wait and see how it goes.  Kathy thinks I can go to her parents, she is checking for me.  With Richard and I being the only family in USA, all our relatives already had their Thanksgiving earlier this month.

I have been on my own now for 2 days without someone staying the night.  Make that 3 days because Friday night I was alone too.  I think I am doing alright, not great, but okay.  Maia will be here briefly tomorrow and Tillie will be here on Tuesday.  The garage looks good and mostly empty.  My room is partly organized, not completely yet.  I have to find a box for some of the original teaching CDs.  I have a big container for most of them, but not all the new ones fit in it so I need another.  Maybe Tuesday I will go and get one.

I have to work on Calli's Christmas music.  I almost forgot all about that.  Her lesson is tomorrow and I need to arrange her Christmas piano piece because it is too hard, and make an accompaniment to her vocal piece.  Glad I thought of that now and not tomorrow.  I should have been doing this on Tuesday last week when I was home.

I am going to hang a blanket at the downstairs hallway.  I have to get some tacks so that I can hang it.  I am going to block off the downstairs so the heat stays more upstairs than downstairs.  Also, I don't use the family room right now, so I am not going to heat it.  It will help on the heating bill this winter.  Next week I am going to look at the state of my finances so I will know how long I can stay in the house without a job.  I am hoping to have a job by Christmas so that I won't have to worry about finances.  I will be calling my social worker tomorrow and I have to find my ticket to work info from disability.  Each may have a program that will help me.  It is very scary not knowing what is going to happen and I have never been in this position before, so I am a bit scared of it.  I do know that something will work out and I won't be homeless or starving.  I don't know what there is out there for disabled people as far as housing issues are and stuff like that but that is my job this week is to figure it out.  I will, I have people who will be helping me.  I need to also call Richard's friend, Dave, because he may be able to help me out to.  I will take what help I can get at this point because I am in uncharted waters so to speak.



Well, try to have a good Halloween.  I am having a better day.  I hope the weather man is wrong and the white stuff stays away for a bit longer.  I think it is time to pull out the old winter jacket.  Ugh, that time of year again!  So, stay warm and Happy Halloween!

last goodbye

Today was the day we buried Mom's ashes in the cemetery in Chatham, Ontario, Canada.  Most of my cousins and my 2 uncles were there.  Andrew was there too.  Tillie had brought the ashes over Thursday thinking I would spend the night last night and then leave from there.  Well, I ended up staying home and leaving from here.  I am very tired today as I got up at 7 am and we all know how that is just the middle of the night to me.  I am a 10 to 12 get up girl.  It was a quick service.  Andrew and Tillie spoke, I couldn't.  I was just too upset.  It seems like I have said goodbye to Mom for so long now.  I can't believe it is over.  Our house is so quiet.  She wasn't very noisy but she was here.  I could feel her in the house.  Now I don't feel her in our house anymore.  I did the week she was in the hospital, but I don't know.  Sometimes I am lonely, sometimes I am not.  I have never really felt lonely before except for the few times as a teenager as many teenagers do.  It is weird to me to think I can go to sleep anytime I want and that I can get up at anytime that I want.  I have much work planned for the week.  Monday, I have either 7 or 4 lessons depending on the Muglia schedule.  Because it is the 1st, sometimes we wait until the 8th.  Whatever works for them, works for me.  Tuesday, I am meeting with Mom's lawyer to go over the trust.  Wednesday, I am going to Job Works and see what is available for me as far as programs go, being disabled, there might be something for me.  I also have a lesson on Tuesday.  Thursday is my tummy doctor's appointment check up.  I go every 3 months to make sure the medicine is working well.  Friday, I have nothing concrete planned.  Saturday, I hope to have a lesson and perhaps Sunday too.  I don't have any concrete plans for tomorrow except for hiding during trick or treat time.  Mom was big on passing out candy and I am just not up for it this year.  If Mom were here, then we would, but since she is gone, I am going to hide.

I am going to dinner with the Emertons.  I have to remember to bring the pictures.  Lily and Emily will giggle a lot at them.  I did.  I can't believe how big my hair got.  Oh well, it was the style.

I hope this finds you doing well.  Overall, I would say I am doing better than last week and definitely better than yesterday.  I still miss Mom a lot, and I expect I will for a while.  She was such a big part of my life.  I know that she would be so disappointed in me if I just shrivel up and hide from the world.  She wanted me to have a good life and I will, just will take some time to get that way.  I want to thank all my bloggy friends for the support you have given me the last few difficult weeks.  I have never lost anyone so close to me before and I am glad I have friends who support and care about me.  It makes everything so much easier.  I really appreciate all the comments I have gotten.  Thank you!

missing

I am missing Mom a lot right now.  Tomorrow we have to go and bury her ashes in Canada.  I want my mom back right now.  I don't want to bury her, I want her with me.  I am not feeling very strong right now.

back from K-zoo

I went to Kalamazoo for a few days to see Kathy and her family.  It was a lot of fun.  Tomorrow is the service at the cemetery where Mom's ashes are going to be buried.  I am not looking forward to that.  I am tired and kind of cranky right now.  When I left, Tillie and Maia were still here and they turned off the heat, which is fine, but they forgot to turn it back on!  Oh my!  It is like so cold in here right now.  I turned it back on that is for sure.  Thank goodness it didn't get too cold at night or I would have been in big trouble. I am glad I came home instead of going straight to Windsor as it is supposed to get super cold tonight.  I know I get colder than everyone else, that is for sure but heat must be turned back on.

I bought me 2 hoodies in Kalamazoo.  I have a cute blue one and a cute gray one, they aren't pink like I wanted, but I will be just fine with these.  I have other hoodies, but the problem is they belong to other outfits and well, they have to be worn with those outfits or eventually one part of the outfit will fade before the other and I don't want that to happen.  They are quite cute outfits and I love them.

Kathy's youngest son, Jacob, turned 9 on Wednesday so I got to be there for the birthday dinner and cake and ice cream!  How cool was that?  I was pretty excited about that.  I saw the twins put their Halloween costumes on in time for the preschool party.  Alicia was Ariel and Samantha was Belle.  Both girls looked really adorable.  I will be changing the picture on my phone to them so when their Mom calls, the picture will pop up.

I haven't heard anything more about the 2 new potential students.  The one lady who called said she was going to call about 6 other people and then let me know.  That can take a few days.  The email, I haven't heard back from either, so I am still hopeful about that.

Well, that is about it for the day.  My head is sore because of the long drive by myself.  I definitely prefer driving with someone else in the car.  Not fun driving by oneself.  Not fun at all.  I tried not to remember the last time I drove out that way was when Mom and I went to Kalamazoo this summer to see Kathy and family.  We had such a good time and Mom did so good during that whole trip.  She slept nicely in the hotel, she was chatting away, and then playing with the girls.  It was just fun.  I try not to think about her all the time but it is so hard right now.  She is always with me.  I miss her so much, and tomorrow will be difficult but somehow I will muddle through and then come home and rest.  I am so tired today too, just completely exhausted.  I was supposed to go and spend the night in Windsor, but I am so exhausted, I think I am turning in extremely early and then get up super early.  I will be in Windsor by 8 am to leave for the cemetery.  I think that is what I am going to do.  I have to get my stuff out of the car now.

I hope this finds you having a good day.

Keeping Faith

Today I was reading one of the blogs I read, and it hit me.  I have to let this money situation go and let God take care of it.  That is what I believe, so now is the time to act upon it.  I am praying.  I know somehow the financial situation will work out and I will be living where I am supposed to be.  Today, I am more hopeful.  Mom is also watching out for me.  I know she is.  It is a bit easier right now for me.  Earlier in the doctor office it was hard because it was the first time since Mom died that I had been in there and the nurses all wanted to let me know how sorry they were.  I was thankful.  So many people have been so kind to me.  I miss her all the time.  How could I not?  She was my whole life for the last few years, and before that she came with me to my store everyday.  Yup, everyday, the little Mom would get up and get ready to go to work with me.  It was awesome.  Some days she would help a bit, but others she would sit and talk to the students or the customers or just do her puzzle books.  Everyone loved her especially the little ones.  She was very friendly to everyone.  She grieved with me when the economy took my beloved store.  But once again, God provides.  He showed me a way to pay our bills.  He showed me He wanted me to take care of Mom.  We may have been late on some bills, but not very often.  He provided.  I can see that now.  Now I need to trust Him again.

Many relatives will be at the burial on Saturday.  I hope to see them again afterward.  With the family so scattered, as many families are, it is important to get together.  The last time I saw all of them, before this past weekend, was Momma's party in March.  It was nice to see so many of them there.  Then we had the friend party, wow, so many of our friends and neighbors came to that too.  I am truly blessed to have the family and friends that I have.  I have been feeling much better this afternoon.  Mom is still with me.  I won't ever forget her, but she wanted me to go on even if she wasn't here.  That was her wish.  She told me so years ago when she first became ill.  She wanted me to be strong.  Well, I will be, because she will always be in my heart.

I received an email today from a woman who wants voice lessons and wanted to know if I taught adults. Well, I do.  Then, I received a phone call from a woman who wants piano lessons!  Talk about God's timing!  I do hope that I will soon have 2 more students.  I will also be looking for a job, but hey, if I get enough students, then that is the job.

It is raining and windy today here.  It down poured for a while this afternoon.  We are under a tornado watch in our area until about 6 pm.  I do hope it passes over us and no one gets hurt.  So far, tears are under control today.  It is definitely a better day than yesterday.  I hope your day is good too.

Monday

I am doing okay today.  I did almost break down a couple of times, but one was when someone called and asked to talk to Mom and the other was buying the thank you notes for the visitation and the funeral.  It is very strange to do errands without the little Momma with me.  I mean, up until summer, I took her everywhere with me.  She was always with me and has been for about 5 years so you can see why it is so strange for me.  I took the Deed to the house to the Registry of Deeds to change over the house from Mom to her trust.  I paid for the funeral and the meat for the church luncheon.  One more activity for us and then Mom will be resting in peace.  I have to pick up her ashes tomorrow.  That will seem very weird too because she will be in a small box.  I am glad I have company because it is creepy to have someone's ashes in the house I think.  I will be taking them across the border on Friday when I head to Tillie's for the night.  I am spending the night because I don't know how early I have to get up to get there on Saturday.  You never know with the border.  It could be a breeze or it could be an hour.  One just never knows.

Pain wise, I am doing okay.  My hips don't hurt so much at night anymore since I am not pulling Mom across the dining room and kitchen to the back bathroom nor am I struggling to get her upstairs.  I sleep a bit better when someone is in the house with me than I do when I am alone.  I know I will get used to it, but right now I am not.  Rare has been the time I have been alone at night in the house.  When I am by myself I leave the kitchen light on because it comforts me.  I don't feel so alone with the light on.  I have a night light in the bathroom now, I will see if that will be enough light for me when I am alone.

I have 4 lessons today, 2 for Calli, then Acer and Bob.  I am glad.  It gives me something to look forward to and something to do with my time.  I contacted a friend of mine who's place of work has some openings.  I will find out about hopefully tonight or sometime this week.

My friend, Donna, has assured me that the pain of losing Mom will get easier.  I sure hope so because right now it hurts a lot, more than my fibro pain.  I feel tears all the time just below the surface.  I can't get a job and be a wreck so I am hoping by next week or so I am a little better.  I just can't believe this happened now.  Deep down I have known all summer she was dying, but still, I thought I could be better prepared for the actuality of it.  I now know, I can't, no one can.  Even when it is expected, it still hurts so much.  I am thankful for the time we had together, even with the Alzheimer's.  I got to take care of her and I didn't have to miss spending time with her like my brothers did.  They missed out on a lot of stuff.  I was with her all day, everyday.  Like I said, she came everywhere with me.  She liked going out with me.  She loved going to lessons with me.  She loved music and sewing.  Listening to the students, no matter the level, made her smile and gave her enjoyment.  She loved going to the movies with me.  I loved having her with me, all the time, most of the time.  She would help me at competitions and at recitals with holding stuff for me or getting something ready for me so I could focus on the kids.  That was just Mom.  She had come to competition with me for 20 years of my students competing.  She simply loved going and I loved having her because she was so helpful and my companion.

I hope you are having a good day.  It is beautiful out.  A nice, lovely October day.  We all know what I wish, but I am hoping Mom is smiling down from Heaven enjoying the weather with me.

It is finished

The funeral for Mom was yesterday.  The minister did a really nice job although she only just met Mom.  She would have liked Mom had she been able to get to know her.   The luncheon was really nice too.  There were a lot of people there.  I was thankful.  The opening music was the Canadian National Anthem and as they brought Mom's casket down, I lost it.  It was so moving to me.  I composed myself and did better after that.  I even managed to sing (with Katie) pretty well so I was pleased I got through that nicely. I think Mom would have liked it a lot.  She would have not been happy about being the center of attention, but she would have liked the song I sang.  I sang "You Raise Me Up", the Celtic Woman version.

I dropped Richard off today so he could go for another week of work.  I don't know how he is handling this because he keeps things to himself.  I was glad to finally see him after more than 2 years of not being able to see him.  He just called.  He arrived safely and is heading to the hotel to get ready for tomorrow's day of work.  I miss him already but not as much as mom.

It is very strange and quiet in the house.  Tillie is coming back over tonight to stay for a few days.  I am glad.  I don't want to be alone right now.  In a week or so it will be okay, but right now I cry at the drop of a hat it seems.  The quiet is so loud to me.  I look out the window and I hope that Mom is enjoying herself in Heaven.  I miss her so much.  I miss the woman she was and the woman she became with Alzheimer's.  It is very weird not having her to take care of.  I can go where I want, when I want.  Yet, I would give almost anything to have her back.  I know it is impossible, but I want her back right her where she belongs, with me.  We were a team, that's what I used to tell her.  She would smile at that.  I supposed I should be thankful she never got totally into stage 7.  She never lost her smile or her communication skills totally, but I am not, because she is gone.  I feel her around me and sometimes I talk to her.  I tell her I will be okay, even though the tears are right below the surface.  I cry very easy today.  I hope that eventually goes away because you can't go through life with tears all the time.

I am going to be working on my list of things to do.  I have so much that has to be done.  First thing tomorrow I have some errands to run.  I have 4 lessons tomorrow that I am so grateful that I have.  I love teaching, it gives me such joy.  Mom enjoyed listening to the lessons too.  I will miss that.  There is so much that I will miss.  Still, I have so many memories to think of that will eventually make me smile.

I hope you had a good weekend.  It has been tough for me, but I did get through it, maybe not with flying colors, but I think Mom would have been happy with how well things went and how many people came to see her.