Saturday, October 30, 2010

last goodbye

Today was the day we buried Mom's ashes in the cemetery in Chatham, Ontario, Canada.  Most of my cousins and my 2 uncles were there.  Andrew was there too.  Tillie had brought the ashes over Thursday thinking I would spend the night last night and then leave from there.  Well, I ended up staying home and leaving from here.  I am very tired today as I got up at 7 am and we all know how that is just the middle of the night to me.  I am a 10 to 12 get up girl.  It was a quick service.  Andrew and Tillie spoke, I couldn't.  I was just too upset.  It seems like I have said goodbye to Mom for so long now.  I can't believe it is over.  Our house is so quiet.  She wasn't very noisy but she was here.  I could feel her in the house.  Now I don't feel her in our house anymore.  I did the week she was in the hospital, but I don't know.  Sometimes I am lonely, sometimes I am not.  I have never really felt lonely before except for the few times as a teenager as many teenagers do.  It is weird to me to think I can go to sleep anytime I want and that I can get up at anytime that I want.  I have much work planned for the week.  Monday, I have either 7 or 4 lessons depending on the Muglia schedule.  Because it is the 1st, sometimes we wait until the 8th.  Whatever works for them, works for me.  Tuesday, I am meeting with Mom's lawyer to go over the trust.  Wednesday, I am going to Job Works and see what is available for me as far as programs go, being disabled, there might be something for me.  I also have a lesson on Tuesday.  Thursday is my tummy doctor's appointment check up.  I go every 3 months to make sure the medicine is working well.  Friday, I have nothing concrete planned.  Saturday, I hope to have a lesson and perhaps Sunday too.  I don't have any concrete plans for tomorrow except for hiding during trick or treat time.  Mom was big on passing out candy and I am just not up for it this year.  If Mom were here, then we would, but since she is gone, I am going to hide.

I am going to dinner with the Emertons.  I have to remember to bring the pictures.  Lily and Emily will giggle a lot at them.  I did.  I can't believe how big my hair got.  Oh well, it was the style.

I hope this finds you doing well.  Overall, I would say I am doing better than last week and definitely better than yesterday.  I still miss Mom a lot, and I expect I will for a while.  She was such a big part of my life.  I know that she would be so disappointed in me if I just shrivel up and hide from the world.  She wanted me to have a good life and I will, just will take some time to get that way.  I want to thank all my bloggy friends for the support you have given me the last few difficult weeks.  I have never lost anyone so close to me before and I am glad I have friends who support and care about me.  It makes everything so much easier.  I really appreciate all the comments I have gotten.  Thank you!


  1. Heather you are very well loved. You have so many friends here who care for your well being. Losing your mom is so difficult but from the way you talk about her I am sure she wants you to keep smiling and keep trying to live as normally as you can when you lose someone so valuable. I pray for you and you must know that you would not wish your mom back with the terrible disease she suffered. I feel sad about my MIL because she asked about me one of the last times my sweets saw her. But I could not bring myself to see her at the end. I guess I am such a chicken. I hate suffering. especially when it is a loved one. But remember all the wonderful things you shared with your mom and you will be able to smile. Anne

  2. Hello my friend Heather. I'm glad Andrew was able to attend Mom's service and that he spoke. That will help him. I hope your time with Andrew was good. I'm also glad you may have lessons this week. Having music in the house will be good for your soul and will help you fill your time. Hugs