Friday - 4 days until Christmas 12-21

In 4 days will be another Christmas.  It is still rather strange for me to realize that I am spending another holiday without my mother.  It just doesn't seem like I should.  I sometimes think I hear her in the house.  I know it is my imagination but still I hear her.  Sometimes I forget and look in her room for her.  Then I remember she isn't here, she's in Heaven.  I wonder how time goes on in Heaven.  Is it fast? Or Slow?  Is it anything like time here on Earth?  Can she see me?  Does she miss me?  These are the questions that I often wonder.  I don't think I will ever get used to Mom not being here.  From what my friends say, it is normal and I probably will not ever get used to her being gone.  I am not sure how Andrew or Richard are doing about this since they don't really discuss this type of stuff.

I only have 1 gift left to get and I will get it in Windsor on Sunday.  I have everything besides the gift for Andrew.  I will be wrapping gifts tomorrow.  I have the cutest wrapping paper ever!  They are super cute.  I even found something cool for my aunt and uncle too.  I got some gift certificates for Mr. and Mrs. Knight, Dan and Tracy Knight as well as Dan and Tracy's son.  He is such a cutie.  I have only seen him in pictures, not in person yet.  I hope I remember to bring my camera so I can take some pictures of both days.

It was so cold, rainy, and damp yesterday that I ache so much.  Today is better even though it snowed.  The snow was mostly on the grass so that is okay.  My car is back in the garage where it belongs.  I had such a headache last night.  Today is not as bad, thankfully, but I hope it improves and that it will be okay for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I am tired of the headaches limiting me from activities I like to do.  Mainly, I have missed so much choir practice and church from the headaches.  Well, hopefully the New Year will come without as many headaches.  That is my wish.  I think the medicine works a little bit but still not enough.  I will see the doctor in about a month or so.  If it doesn't get any better, than I will have to see her earlier than the appointment.  My hands are twitching a bit still but from what I have read it can be part of fibro.  They aren't as bad as they were so I am glad about it.

I am going to read for a bit before I go to bed.

6 Days Before Christmas 12-18

I can't believe that Christmas is next week!!!  Oh my!!!!!  Wasn't it just Thanksgiving?  It sure seems that way.  I have a few things to get still, but mostly I am ready.  I will spend Christmas Eve with Kathy and her family at her parents and Christmas Day will be at my Uncle John's house.  Andrew will be there too.  I will have a few lessons between Christmas and New Years but not as many as I usually have.  It is to be expected.  I have a few plans for next week.  I am going to have the Muglia girls come and have a movie marathon.  Calli is also interested in attending.  I am not sure what will watch, but hey, it is spending time with the girls, that is what is important.

Two of my students, Dan and Mary, are planning to have their lessons next week Wednesday instead of Tuesday since that is Christmas Day.

I am not feeling so good now.  I think perhaps the white fudge oreos were probably not a good thing to eat.  I haven't had a lot of sugar in about 6 months so perhaps I should have had a few less than I did.  I think a salad would have been better and since I was craving sugar, an apple would have been a better choice.  Well, tomorrow is a new day and I can begin again.

Tonight is NCIS night.  I love these shows.  It is a Christmas Episode on NCIS.  I think on NCIS Los Angeles will be a Christmas Episode too.

Kathy has had a bad headache for a few days now.  I hope it has gone away for her.  I will find out soon.  With her working in the daytime now, figuring out a good time to call is a bit of a challenge.  I am counting down the days until I get to see her and the family again.  That would be 5 days until I will be able to spend time with her and her family.  I just need to wrap a few presents.  Yeah, I haven't done that yet.  We are going to church near her parents house and then after church we will go back and open presents.  I have to remember to have my scooter put back in my car since it is too far to walk to her parents condo from my car.  I hope the weather won't be too bad with a lot of snow.  I am liking this no snow season so far.  I don't usually mind it on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because it doesn't seem like Christmas without it.

On Sunday I am heading over to my cousin, Maia's house for dinner.  I wasn't able to attend the family parties earlier in the month because my head was just too bad.  I think the new medicine is helping a bit.  I have gifts for the little ones and it will be nice to see Maia and Danielle's family.  Danielle's son, Myles is one year old today.  It seems like yesterday he was born.  He likes it when anyone is holding him.  He doesn't cry when I hold him which is good because Phoenix does cry when I pick her up.  Phoenix is about 6 months older than Myles.  Myles is the youngest member of the family.  Now that I have texting, I speak to Danielle a lot more than I used to.  It is nice to see how she is doing.

Tonight is a tea kind of night, I think.  I love Biglow's Decaffeinated Earl Grey tea.  Is really good.  I also like twinnings earl grey but not the decaffeinated one just the regular one.  I am going to finish watching NCIS Los Angeles and then read for a bit.

Monday 12-17

I saw the Doctor about the carpal tunnel.  I have no nerve damage in my wrists or neck, which is good. Although in light of news that I have received about Mrs. S it seems so insignificant compared to their news.  It breaks my heart that Chris and his family will be losing his mom.  How can this happen to him?  I know how heartbreaking this is.  I dread the day where anymore of my friends lose their parent or parents.  It almost seems like it makes my health issues so not as important.  I almost was embarrassed earlier today to give the news that there is no nerve damage.  I don't understand how doctors can not cure cancer, no matter what stage.  How can they not?  There have been so many advances in medicine that they should be able to fix Mrs. S and give her a longer life.  How do you even prepare if you are the one is dying?  I know theoretically that no one really knows when their live will end, but when you are faced with a general idea of when you will die how do you deal with it?  I remember when Mom was dying.  She was alert the first day and not the rest of the week.  She wasn't prepared to go at that point.  She asked me if I was taking her home.  I told her yes, but I meant Heaven not where we lived together.  I am thankful that mom really didn't know what was going on but Mrs. S does know what is going on.  It is just one of those moments when life reminds you of what is really important.

I just want to live in a bubble where everyone is healthy and lives forever.  I know, I am a dreamer.

The Christmas Recital Day 12-16

The recital went really well.  I was pleased with how everyone performed.  I asked 3 former students to sing something in the recital.  Kelly Lynn, April, and Star all sang this afternoon.  The were remembering the concerts from when they were young.  Boy, I have changed how and what I teach so much since then.  I teach more classical music and Broadway music for singers and less, if any, pop, which is different from then.  I was nervous to teach more classical because the kids complained about singing it.  Now, complain all you want, but that is what I teach.  For my profile on Take Lessons, it flat out states that I mainly teach classical and Broadway music with very little pop.  I also tell parents that when they call to sign their children up.  I am much more comfortable with what music I teach now than I was when I first started.

My legs are a bit more sore than usual because of the extra up and down at the concert.  However, the good news is that I don't have the really bad headache I usually get after the concert.  I am so happy about that, that is for sure.  I do have a headache, but it isn't a super bad one like usual.

I received some very sad news today.  One of my friends from high school's mom is terminally ill.  She has stage 4 cancer and they can't operate.  They have suggested that she try chemo and radiation to shrink the tumors, but that is all they really can do.  It may give her a few more months or weeks.  My heart is broken for what Chris (her son, my friend) will be going through.  I have asked several of my friends to add her and the rest of her family to their prayer lists.  She is such a wonderful lady.  She is so strong in her faith and I think that will help sustain her.  When I needed to decide how mom was to be cared for, I remembered how Mrs. S took care of Darren, Chris's brother.  He had a brain injury that was quite severe.  She and Mr. S made the decision to keep Darren at instead of placing him in a home or a group home.  Mrs. S took really good care of him.  When I made the decision to keep mom here at home, it was a difficult decision.  I was lucky though because Mom was not angry or violent or belligerent in anyway.  Yes, she had her difficult moments, but over all, it was a better choice.  I am not sure what Mrs. S will do about the chemo or the radiation.  She may not do either.  She will be telling Chris, his wife, Bobbie, and their children in the next few days.  I can't even imagine how they will react and take the news.  I do know how awful it is to watch a parent die.  Despite the awfulness of watching it, I also would not have done anything really different that I did because I got to spend so much time with my mom.  I know that Chris and his family as well as Mr. S will be cherishing the time they have left with Mrs. S.  I have asked to be kept up to date as much as possible.  I have so many good memories of talking to her and being over with all our friends.  She is a very kind and thoughtful person.  My heart just aches for her family.  If you can, would you please pray for her and her family?  Thank you.

I did get several really nice gifts this afternoon.  I got a beautiful roses from Nina and her family.  I got the cat from Alice in Wonderland from Sammy and I got a beautiful throw blanket from the Muglia family.  There are a few students who did not get their gifts so I will be giving them it at their lessons.  It is hard to believe that Christmas is almost upon us.  It is only 9 days until Christmas.

I am going to make myself some tea and read before I head for bed.  Tomorrow is the test to see how my wrists are doing.  I am not quite sure what to expect tomorrow, but I hope to have some answers soon.

Friday 12-14

There are 11 days until Christmas.  I will be prepared when it comes, I just feel like time is rushing past me at full speed.  I am feeling a bit better over this twitching hands issue.  It could just be good old Fibro symptoms.  A couple of the people on one of the Fibro facebook pages that I belong to, say that their hands do the same thing so I am not as worried about them as I was.

It has been a rather quiet day around here.  I had a few lessons and I finished up the order for the concert on Sunday.  I will be finishing up the ornaments tomorrow with the last of them to do.  I have to paint their names and year it is on the front.  I am happy with how they are turning out.  Natalie and Hannah have created the covers of the program.  I am waiting on Natalie's now.  I already have Hannah's.  They are such great artists.  My former student and now a good friend, Star is teaching them.  All of them seem to get along so nicely.  The 3 of them have the love of Harry Potter between them.  Hannah and Natalie are improving they say so that is a good thing.  Star, Kelly Lynn, and April will also be performing in the concert.  All 3 are former students and I asked them if they were interested in performing.  All 3 said yes.  I thought it would be a nice thing for my current students to see what some of my former students were up to music wise.  Kelly Lynn is now a teacher just like me.  She and her sister, April perform together.  Star and Kelly Lynn were just recently in a musical a couple of months ago.  Star and April also have Fibromyalgia just like me.  I have added Star to a couple of face book pages that are for fibro people.  One of the pages really focus on nutrition, which I am glad about.  The other two are good for support.  It is really nice knowing that there are other people who have the same problems that I do.  I do like to see how different people get through their day and how the manage their symptoms.

I have 4 of my little cousins' Christmas presents.  I have Elizabeth (4), Warren (5), Phoenix (1), and Esther (2).  I know what I am getting Jayson (5) and Myles (1).  Jayson will get his on Christmas Day.  I hope to be delivering the rest of them next Saturday.  I am getting Andrew, my brother, a gift card because that is what he wants.  I will get my Aunt and Uncle a gift certificate too.  I am almost done with my students' gifts.  That will be done tomorrow.

I love my nook so much.  I was afraid that it would be too heavy to use but it works just fine.  I have already read 3 books on it.  It is definitely the way to go for me.  I do like the paper type books, but I do like the nook books too.

I think I am going to read for a bit and then head for bed.  I have 2 lessons tomorrow and then lots of sewing.  I also need to get the plates, napkins. and cups for the reception after the recital.  It will be awesome.

Day of the doctor appointment 12-13

I saw Dr. G this morning about the twitching and jerking motions of my hands.  He does not think that the problem with the hands are from the reglan medicine.  He thinks it is carpal tunnel.  He knows that I do have problems with my hands going numb so I have to have a test on Monday for it.  I am not having a good day today about it all.  My hands don't really hurt so I thought that was a symptom of carpal tunnel.

I think at this point I am just overwhelmed with everything today.  I am not done with the ornaments, almost done, but not completely.  The program is not done, although it is what I will work on next.  It is pretty easy to do.  I have all the songs listed, I just have to put them in order.  I have the program cover. Hannah drew it.  I am waiting on Natalie's picture now.  I am sure she will send it to me tomorrow.  I think I just need to go to bed early and have this awful day past me.

I hope your day has been better than mine.

Tuesday 12-11

It was a quietish type day.  I got up a bit later than usual today.  I was just so tired.  I hope for a better night tonight.  I have the ornaments ready to sew.  Isaac brought up my sewing machine for me so I am ready to go tomorrow after I get up.  I have the little books together and I have the ribbons ready too.

I am hoping that tomorrow the package I am waiting for will arrive.  It has gifts for Warren, Esther, and Phoenix.  I picked up Elizabeth's last week and I know what I am getting for the other two little ones.  I just have to pick up a few gift cards and then I am done.

I have an appointment with Doctor G on Thursday about the jerking motion and the twitching of my hands.  I do think that they are a side effect of the reglan especially since my friend, Joanne had the same problem with reglan.  Part of me is freaking out though.  I honestly cannot handle something else being wrong with me.  I really can't.  If it is something else, I don't know what I will do.  I just am at a loss of what to do.  I am trying to do this one step at a time, but I am so unsure about what is going on.  Lynetta said that it should stop by Monday and today is Tuesday.  I have not had the reglan since Friday and my hands are the same.  So, is this the reaction for the reglan or is this something new?  I keep getting these thoughts in my head.  I am trying to be strong and believe that it will work out, but I am so tired of having so much wrong with me.

Fibromyalgia

Arthritis

Headaches

Memory Problems

Vasculitis - 1 episode

Blood Clot in Lung

High Cholesterol

Asthma

Sleep Problems

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Macular Degeneration both

Panic Attacks

Scoliosis surgery 12-8-83

This is the list of what is wrong with me.  I don't want anything else.

I think I am going to read or play angry birds to get my mind of this issue.  I foresee going to bed earlier than usual because I am so tired.

A medicine side effect or a new issue? oh my!

Last week, early in the week, I noticed my right hand would jerk without me moving my hand.  It would just tremor on its own.  On Thursday, I called the tummy doctor.  I left a message for the Physician Assistant that I usually soon.  She called me back on Friday with directions to cut back on the reglan to 1 instead of 3 a day.  It seems to have helped, but not totally.  I am going to give it a couple more days before I talk to Dr. Gradolph about it.  I hope it is just a side effect from the reglan and not a new problem.  I don't think I could handle another problem.  I really don't think I can.  I know that the tremors or jerking motion can really be because of the reglan as it is something that is checked every time I see the PA.  I usually have to go in every 3 to 4 months to check on the medicine.  I have been taking reglan now for about 4 years without any problems so I am wondering why would it be an issue now?  It is just annoying.

My lovely girls are coming over to help me with the sewing.  With the issues of my hands I have had a hard time sewing.  I hope it is better since the concert is next Sunday.  I don't know why I wait to the last moment for this stuff.  I am thankful that they are coming over to help.  I think it is still really hard to sew because mom and I did it together.  She is the one who taught me to sew.  We would work on projects together a lot.  I did sew projects without her but sewing still reminds me of mom so much.  Mom loved to sew and she was really good at it.  Her tailoring skills were awesome.  She could make a suit that you would think a fancy designer created.  I was good at fancy dresses and not as good as her in the tailoring skills.  I taught Hannah, Lydia, and Natalie how to sew.  They have learned the basics although Lydia has learned how to make several other things too.  Right now, Lydia would like to be a fashion designer.  Who knows if she will or not, she has 2 more years of high school so she has plenty of time to decide what she wants to be and where she will like to go for college.  Natalie and Hannah will be 17 next week.  That just seems impossible to me.  Sarah just turned 9 this September and Lydia will be 16 in February.  How fast time flies.

Maia is doing okay after her breast cancer surgery on Tuesday.  The surgery took longer than originally planned but she is safe and sound recovering at her mom's house.  I have called a few times to see how Maia is doing.  So far, okay, no complications.

Well, I am going to read for a while before bed.  I am rather tired tonight.  The new dosage of the headache medicine does give me dry mouth.  I need to remember to get some of that biotine spray that helps with that.  I hope I remember next week.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday 12-6, 7, 8

Thursday:

Today is another bad headache day for most of the day.  It isn't too bad tonight, but it certainly was earlier today.  I didn't think I could handle going to choir with this bad of a headache so I didn't go.  I hope tomorrow will just be the normal headache day.

Saturday:

I had 2 lessons this afternoon, Nina and Sean.  Both students are doing very well.  Nina is planning to play piano in the Christmas Recital while Sean is not.  Nina also wants to be an announcer for the recital.

After the lessons, I went and did some errands.  I did a huge Fibro Fog thing last night.  It did give me a chuckle, if you can't laugh at some of this stuff, you would go crazy.  So, I get ready to go, I have my coat on, my shoes on, and purse in hand.  I look in my pocket for my keys and they are not there.  I look in the other pocket, still no keys.  I look through my purse and no keys.  I looked on the table, the counter, any place they might be.  Finally, I looked in the door and sure enough, there are my keys.  Yeah, I forgot to remove them when I came in yesterday.  Thankfully, it was the inside garage door that I did this too so it wasn't like to the outside door.  Such a silly girl!

Calli and Heather B-T came over this evening.  She helped me with my hair and she braided my hair too.  Calli is a very helpful young lady.  Last night when Acer was finished with his lesson, he was being a bit silly and I don't remember what exactly I said, but his comment was that I am very attached to him.  It is true, I am attached to both Acer and Calli.  Acer was giggling when he said that.  Calli and I visited while she did my hair.  She is quite good at braiding and she will take it out and do it again if she thinks it isn't good.  There are days that I now forget that both are blind.  They are independent like all children that age.  Calli will be 13 on her birthday and in about a week or so, Acer will be 8.  Both are ready for the Christmas Recital.  After we finished my hair, Calli helped me to bring some dirty laundry down.  I need to get a bigger basket for my clothes.  I have the perfect size for the undie type clothes but not for the sweatshirts, t-shirts, and those type clothes.  I will try to get one next month with my monthly shopping.

I wasn't sure if my tramadol was actually helping.  I had thought that for a while.  Well, let me tell you, it does help a lot.  I ran out yesterday and forgot to go and get it refilled.  I had the new prescription of it.  Since I ran out, that means that I didn't have any last night or this morning when I got up.  Oh my, let's just say that I was super super sore.  I went to the store and got what I needed.  I have to use a scooter cart when I shop and when I got out of it to go to the car, I was so sore.  I was kind of walking really slow and I was hurting so much that a nice lady noticed and the man who was with her came and took my bags to my car.  I was very thankful.  One of the bags was rather heavy but the others weren't too bad.  I took my tramadol as soon as I got home.  It started working and I am back to the regular pain that I have everyday.  I will remember next time to take the new prescription to the pharmacy right away so that I won't forget and have to be without pain pills.  I won't be testing any of that anytime soon.

I have to work on remember that I have fruit in the house when I want something sweet.  I love the green apples that I have.  I don't have any junk food in the house.  I emptied it when I decided enough was enough with my weight.  Also, I now take a medication that makes it easy to gain weight, so I need to be even more vigilant about eating the fruit and veggies.  I picked up enough lettuce and tomatoes for the next few days for dinner.  I actually do really like salads as long as it isn't ice berg lettuce.  For some reason, that kind of lettuce gives me a tummy ache.  I like the Romaine Lettuce a lot. I can eat a whole heart of the lettuce for dinner.  I think by adding in another serving of veggies or fruit will help balance out the ease of gaining weight from the medicine.  I was not so vigilant when I was taking Lyrica.  I gained 80 pounds in 6 months on it.  It did help with the pain, but I couldn't handle the weight I was gaining.  For the last 5 or 6 years I didn't really care about my weight like I do now.  At first I didn't care because I was focused on taking care of mom.  She was my main concern.  It was very important to me that I take good care of her.  Yes, there were times when I failed taking care of her.  There were times when we both were frustrated with each other, but overall, I tried to make her life a good one.  After she passed away, I could barely function.  I was in survival mode as one of my friends told me and she was right.  I was going hour by hour.  I still miss her desperately, but most of the time I can think about her and smile.  There are days that it still physically hurts that she is gone but that is to be expected.  I am very thankful that I was the one to take care of her the last couple of years of her life.

I am going to make some pictures of her larger and put them in this awesome picture frame that I got for Christmas last year from my younger brother.

I am going to read for a bit or maybe play some angry birds game before bed.

Christmas Shopping! 12-5

I have been doing a bit of shopping the last few days.  Normally, I am completely done at this time but not this year.  I picked up something for Elizabeth.  I have something for Sammy, Matthew, and Jacob. I want to get something for Esther (I just have to order it), Myles, Phoenix, Jayson, and Warren.  Jayson and Warren are pretty easy to get and I do know what I want to get Myles.  I am not sure about what to get Phoenix.  She is about 15 or so months old at this point.

My cousin, Maia, had her breast cancer surgery yesterday.  She had the surgery at noon and was back at her mom's house about 8 or so.  The doctor got as much as he saw and he said it went well so that is good.  As expected she is very sore and tired.  I will probably be able to talk to her in a few days.  Obviously she really needs to rest so I won't be calling her yet.  This is step two for her in the cancer war.  Step three will be radiation.  I just know she is going to win this war.

Later today:

I just ordered the gifts for Esther, Phoenix, and Warren.  I will pick up Myles and Jayson's gifts next week.  I pretty much know what I am getting them.  The only one I can't figure out is Alicia, Kathy's daughter.  I usually am finished with getting gifts by November 1.  I really got to get back into that mode.  I look for gifts all year round and when I see something, I get it and put it away until birthdays or Christmas.

Lessons went well today.  The students are getting ready for the concert and so far several are almost ready for it.  I will start working on the order next week.  I won't actually print the program until the Friday before the concert.  This is because usually after I print the program, someone calls to change it around.  Natalie and Hannah are going to design the program covers.  They do a really good job so I expect this one will be nice too.

I am getting tired so I think I will finish my tea before heading to bed.

a step closer to the 21st century 12-4

I had to get a new phone today.  I did add texting to it.  Because I have to be able to call Canada, I couldn't get the iPhone 4.  It isn't a big deal but it was a nice thought.  Maybe in the future I will be able to get an iPhone but I don't really need a data plan.  I have talking and texting.  That is all I need.  I am just figuring out the phone.  I am sure I will have it down pat in a few days.

The students did really well today for their lessons.  Sammy was absent because of too much homework.  She wanted to have a make up so Sammy will be here on Friday instead.

I went and purchased the quilting batting for the students' ornaments.  I just have to cut them out and then sew then.  I picked up the ribbon and the fabric paint I need.  I always put their names on their ornaments and the year they get it.

My headaches have been the regular headaches yesterday and today.  I am thankful that they are not bad or medium bad ones right now.  I hope tomorrow is good too.  The weather here has been rather insane.  Last week a couple of days were really cold then on the weekend it got warmer.  It is still been warm.  I am not complaining because I do prefer the warmer weather, not too hot, but it is nice out temperature wise.

It is time to read a bit before bed.  I have a few errands I need to do tomorrow before lessons at 4.  I need to pick up some books on Friday for Sean's lesson on Saturday.  He is really doing well.  I am quite please with his progress.