I didn't sleep very well last night.  I was up I think for most of it.  I just couldn't sleep, no reason, just couldn't.  Rather annoying to say the least.  I am not as tired as I thought I would be though.  Of course, it is only 1:30 in the afternoon!  

I had one student today, Lily, she is 11 (already!) she takes voice.  She is doing pretty well with it and practices more than when she played the piano.  One of the older girls wants to sing at Christmas with her.  I think that will be neat.  They will sound good together.

It occurred to me last night (when I couldn't sleep) that my older brother, Richard cannot handle my illness.  When I was talking to him he said I sounded "better".  Well, I am not better, I sounded happy, that's all and I was because I was talking to him.  I read a blog this week (a new one for me) pointed out how people want her to be "better" and don't realize that you can sound happy and not be better.  That is Richard in a nutshell.  He wants me to be better.  Maybe someday he will realize this is better and this is what it is going to be.  I have learned to live with my limitations (most of the time!) so he will have to too.

Pain isn't so bad today.  Even my arm is somewhat behaving (for now anyway).  My head is down to its dull roar and so is everything else.  I am not sure if we are going to scooter today or not.  Mom gets overheated so easy and it is sunny out so I don't know if it is a good idea.  She got extra hot yesterday when we went to CVS for our ticket.  We didn't get any numbers.  We will try again for Tuesday.

Tuesday I have to have my blood test, the one I managed to forget about this month.  Because of the blood thinners, I have to have blood tests at least once a month, sometimes more depending on my blood.  I hate blood tests!  They hurt too much.  I did completely forget that I didn't make the appointment for this one.  Silly me, fibro fog!

I am going to pick out a movie for us now.  Or a TV show.  One or the other.  Someday I hope to have a TV in the living room instead of on the kitchen table and we watch from the dining room table.  It gets rather uncomfortable at times.

Have a great day and enjoy the holiday weekend.

I am having a better day than yesterday.  I talked to Richard, the big brother!  It's his 45th birthday!  He he he!  I didn't get to rub it in because he doesn't have a good sense of humor (except when he's doing the teasing!) He sounded good though, I know he is stressed because in a few weeks his temp job will be over and he will be unemployed again.  His kids, Abby and William are in school already!  Apparently they like their new teachers and are happy to see their friends, not happy to be in school, but seeing their friends.  I miss them so much.  Like Richard said, I have too much time on my hands and that makes me miss them even more.  If Richard doesn't find a new job in a few months I will ask him if Mom and I moving in will help.  

I checked the bank account and the deposit DID post, but I am not spending a dime until I know for sure it has gone through.  I hope by next Thursday should be safe.  We have a lot of bills to pay.  Like so many in this country, we are struggling pretty bad.  I have two new students that begin this week and next so that will add some more to our coffers.  I need at least 8 more new ones but would like 18 more new ones.  Then we will have some wiggle room and be able to pay our property taxes for 2009 that we haven't paid yet.

Pain kept me up a lot last night and this morning Mom kept coming in my room and asking me questions so that kept waking me up.  finally at 12:15 she comes in and says didn't I want to be up by noon?  Yeah, that was my cue to get up so I did.  We then went to our usual Tim Horton's for brunch and then grocery shopping.  I have decided that I hate grocery shopping on a budget.  But I did pretty well, 10 days worth of dinners for $40.  Most of the dinners are about $2 total for dinner.  Not bad.  We couldn't get the Healthy Choice dinners because they cost too much, but we got dinners and that is what counts.

I don't think we are going to go out tonight.  I am really tired and Mom is falling asleep next to me.  It is only 4:15 but it feels more like 8 or 9 pm.  

I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day.  It's a holiday weekend!  fortunately, I am teaching all three days so I am a happy camper about all this.

I am very annoyed today.  The disability check is memo posted.  It may post tonight or tomorrow, but even then it may get sent back to social security because my name is no longer on the checking account.  I had to take it off last Friday because of the Citibank incident.  I spoke to a bank person and they can't tell me when I should be able to pay bills with this money we desperately need.  Anytime, it can be apparently sent back to the treasury.  At that point, it will take 10 days before I get the paper check.  The person's behavior was like, oh well, it isn't a big deal.  Well it is to me.  I have a house payment to pay, a car payment to pay, and other utilities, and oh yeah, the important thing known as food!  She was like, pretend that it is okay.  Sure, take the chance that it is okay.  That could only cause me a charge of $37 + additional fees every time something bounces.  Yeah, like I can afford to take that kind of chance.  Her attitude bugged me the most.  It may not be a big deal to her, but it is a huge deal to us.  Sometimes I envy Mom's memory problem.  She doesn't even remember going to the bank.

I have a big headache from all this.  It's just joining the arm and shoulder.  I know I am not supposed to get so upset because it makes me ache more, but how could I not in this situation.  I just feel like nothing is going right.  Should I throw the towel in and beg Richard to let Mom and I to come and live with him?  I don't know.  I could just scream.  I feel like telling the bank, fine, take the house and everything in it.  Whatever!  I know Mom would be upset about it and I can't take her upset.  I also have not gotten my back disability yet.  It was supposed to come in August, well, it is September now.  I feel very low today, lower than Monday when I had my meltdown.  I don't know what to do now.  As soon as I get my back disability I will be able to file for bankruptcy and then my name can go back on the bank account.  It isn't like Mom can really handle money anymore.  She can barely sign her own name right now.  Not a good situation.

I don't know if we are going out for a scooter or not, depends on pain level.  Right now it is really high.  I just feel powerless right now.

It's Wednesday!  I feel alright right now.  I picked up my darvacet and finally was able to take one after a week of no pain medication except for Tylenol.  Tylenol doesn't do a whole lot unless you take more than you are supposed, of course I did.

During our usual Tim Horton's visit, we met a young girl named Audra who was lost.  She was supposed to meet some friends, and I think they don't really know how to tell anyone how to get to their house.  Anyway, she asked to borrow my phone because she didn't have one, called them, and from what I could gather, they had no idea that 21 mile rd and mound do not meet because that is where they told her to meet them.  Needless to say, she was lost and so were they.  They told her that there were gas stations on the corner, that is not quite true, that would be at Hall Rd (M-59) and Van Dyke and the railroad tracks are about 1/2 mile west.  So her friend mentioned Walmart and I told Audra we would take her to Walmart.  She hopped in the car and we drove her, of course when we got there, no friends in sight.  She called them again and no answer.  I wasn't going to just drop her off and leave, finally one of the friends called her back on my phone and they were inside the store.  So off we left her.  I hope she will be okay and have a great day.  

It is beautiful out so after 7th Heaven (one of my favorite shows, but not my very favorite - that would be Stargate SG1!) Mom and I will be going scootering!  It is lovely out so we will take the long trail.  Mom usually enjoys it and loves the fresh air.  I hope this weekend isn't too hot because I plan to scooter a lot.  I originally planned to take her to the zoo, but I have to wait until my disability comes in sometime this month.  Not sure when that will happen.  We shall see!

Pain is low right now in the shoulder, but the middle of the top part of my arm it is medium.  My head is better since I took the pain meds.  I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day.

Had a major breakdown last night before going to bed.  Surprisingly, Mom didn't breakdown too.  I was glad, usually she does and then I have to stuff it back in to make her stop crying.  Didn't have to last night.  I apologized for ruining her credit, raising the amount we owe on the house, and basically financially ruining us.  She doesn't hold anything against me.  I was so upset that my throat hurt from crying so hard.  If we lose the house it is entirely my fault because she put herself in hock to help me buy the store.  Yeah, great move on my part.  A failing business that I thought I could turn around, I could have if the economy hadn't dumped.  Unfortunately, it ultimately doesn't matter, because I did lose the store and I could single handily lose our house.  I know it just things, and being with family is what matters, but it isn't just my things we would be losing, it would be Mom's things too.  I lose other people's stuff, not just my own.  That is what gets me the most, I financially ruined Mom too, not just myself.  I think I could feel better about this whole thing if it was just my stuff.  Not that it matters too much now, it happened and it's over.

Feeling a bit better this morning.  We went to the storage unit and told them when we would be able to catch up on August and September's payments, (because of the Citibank incident), well, we had better be able to pay by the end of the month or they auction off our stuff on October 21.  Great.  Lovely news, nothing like losing everything in the unit.  There are really only a few things in their I want, the rest is going to charity except for the business boxes from the store.  One is Mom's snow globe Richard and I got her from Disney a few years ago for Mother's day.  It is an awesome one.  I also have a few pictures in boxes I would like.  I finally got to sleep around 1am after I had to go downstairs (without Mom - she wouldn't wake up!) to go and get some more Tylenol.  Pain level was really high last night, especially with the breakdown.

Pain level is medium today.  I am going to call Rachel this afternoon and find out when she can come and pass out flyers.  Katie passed out flyers to everyone in the subdivision last night.  I hope I start to get calls soon.  I am trying to be positive about this new plan, but my inner demons of pessimism keeps sneaking out.  Until I lost the store I was an optimist, then I lost the store and went down hill since.  I am working on crawling back up.  Rough climb.

I have one student, Charlie this afternoon.  He plays tenor saxophone.  He practices occasionally, not nearly enough, he should be practicing more.  He will be in Jazz Band this year.  He is almost ready, but not quite.

I hope to go scootering after dinner tonight with Mom.  Have a great day and enjoy the sunshine and nice weather.

Katie passed out 100 flyers.  We have 400 more to pass out.  I was nervous to pass them out in the evening, but people who we handed them to were really nice.  I was happy about that.  Rachel is coming over some time this week to help pass out more.  I am very thankful they are helping, I can't go up and down that many steps.  I hope to get 20 students out of this.  We really need it.  With the Citibank incident we are out $609 and no way of getting it back.  I am hopeful that it will work out for us.  25 regular students would be great.  Mom and I would enjoy that many.  Perfect amount for us right now.  I don't know if I could handle more, being tired all the time and feeling sick all the time too.

My chest is still hurting every so often, then it stops.  I think it is stress, I am very stressed right now.  Because of the Citibank incident, I had to take my name of the checking account right now and my disability check probably won't go through so it will get sent back to the treasury which means they will send it by mail and that will take about 10 days, so we won't have any money until the 13th.  I will have some lessons between now and then so we should have enough money for food, plus we have a little in the saving account.  Thank God I did not put my name on the saving account or we would be in huge trouble.  

My arm and shoulder are high in pain today.  It wasn't so bad until about an hour ago.  I'm glad it was okay while we were passing (well, Katie) out flyers.  My head is bad again too.  We are heading for bed soon so I will be taking Tylenol, I won't be able to get my darvacet until we get my disability.  I haven't had it for a week now.  The Tylenol doesn't work too well, but it helps some, better than nothing.

I hope you are having a great day.

Mom is obsessing with toothbrushes this afternoon.  She is obsessed with wrapping everything in a paper towel, and I mean everything.  She is now wanting my toothbrush wrapped.  I don't.  She is very confused about this.  Little things like this drive me crazy about the disease dementia.  It isn't her fault, but oh my when it kicks in.  She seems to be finished with this one now.  I hope it doesn't surface again today.  She gets so upset over these type things and then she cries.

Anne was in town this weekend and I got to see her!!!!!!  I would have been able to spend more time with her if I had my phone not on vibrate.  After lessons yesterday I forgot to turn the volume up.  Ugh!  I missed 45 minutes with Anne.  She lives in NYC now and works at a Oxford Publishing.  She says its alright.  Her grandmother turned 75 this weekend so they had a party.  I wanted to have a party for Mom this past March when she turned 75, but we were flat broke. 

Monday, Katie is coming over after lessons to help pass out flyers for teaching.  I printed 500 of them and bought rubber bands for the houses that don't have the doors we can slip flyers into.  I am very grateful both she and Rachel are going to help me out.  I am hoping for at least 10 students, 20 would be better! 

My arm and shoulder as usual are burning.  My chest isn't hurting today, but it hurt again in the middle of the night.  I am really getting annoyed with it!  Stop hurting already!  My head isn't too bad right now.  Was a little worse this morning.

It looks real pretty out with the sun shining, however, it is a bit chilly.  I don't mind though, it is better than the 90 degree heat we had for a few days.  I ache so much more in extreme heat and cold.  To bad there is no utopia in temperatures.  I can't wait for fall to arrive.  I love fall with the changing of the leaves.  They look so nice.

I hope this finds you having a good day.  Not sure if we are scootering today, depends on Mom.

I thought bankruptcy was supposed to protect from this stuff, but since I haven't filed yet, only hired the lawyer, I guess not.  We got a bad bad surprise from the bank when we went to our Tim Horton's this morning.  Our card was declined.  Now I check my bank account everyday and couldn't imagine why it was denied.  So we went to the bank.  Apparently the lawsuit from Citibank is over and they have garnished my bank account - only I didn't know anything about it so I wasn't prepared.  Not that you can ever prepare for something like this.  I know am off of the bank account.  It is better this way - no one can touch our money now.  We lost like $600 to this incident (they were trying for $3900 - if I had it, I would have paid the bill!)  Ugh!

Other than that, we fortunately have a savings account in mom's name only so I removed $100 from it for food!  We are completely out!

Pain level is high since the money incident this morning.  My knee is at least back to normal.  I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital last night since I was having chest pains, but they went away and I stayed home.  It has been happening on and off all week.  I'm not sure it really means anything - so I will wait and see if the pain stays - if it stays I will go otherwise, I won't.

It is a raining day so no scootering today.  Maybe tomorrow!  No students today - but Katie and Rachel are going to help me pass out 500 flyers about lessons.  I hope to get more.  We all know what will happen sometime this year if I don't.  We will lose everything.

Try to have a good day.  

My dreams have been dashed.  No new studio.  I will be staying here at home to teach.  It was false advertising on the potential new place.  I am mad about that, but, hey, life goes on.  I will just take the marketing plan I was working on for the new place and change it for here at home.  I do have to call Alicia and let her know about no new place.  She will be sad too.

My knee has decided to join my arm and shoulder in pain.  Can't believe how bad it hurts.  Worse than the arm and shoulder.  It kept me up most of the night.  It is difficult to sleep now.  I need my pain killers!  The doctor needs to call the pharmacy back fast!

Hallmark channel put 7th Heaven back on!  Yeah!  I love this show.  It is a Christmas episode today.  I haven't seen this one.

It is raining out so unless it clears up, no scooter this afternoon or evening.  Mom will be bored again.  I don't know how to entertain her anymore.  She can't play games or do puzzles anymore.  It is sad.  So we sit and watch TV.  If I get more students, she will be busy.  She likes checking them in before their lessons and chatting with them.  She comes alive with children.

I hope this finds you doing well and well, not in pain, or less pain if you have any!  Have a great day!

I made an important decision today.  I will open a music studio again.  Not a store, or band and orchestra rentals, or selling anything besides lessons!  Just lessons.  I already have one teacher ready to join me and I have called a couple of others.  I hope to hear from them soon.  I plan to open on September 14, 2009.  I have two pianos here at home (what is left of my store!) that I will transport to the new studio.  I am just waiting on the owner of the building to call me.  I hope she calls me soon.  I've left a message.  If not, I will call other places along Van Dyke to see what their rents are.  Somehow, someway, we will open on Sept 14.  I am going to ask some of my students to help me pass out flyers in the area.  I can't afford newspaper advertising right now.  I hope to be able to put something in the paper by October/November.  I won't need any employees because the teachers will be subcontractors and take care of their money and pay me for rent.  That seems to be the easiest to do.  That way, I don't have to deal with payroll and taxes and such things.  Mom can answer the phone for me while I teach and she can check students in.  She is able to do that much I think.  It will keep her busy too so she will be happier.  We won't be staring into each other here at home for much longer!  Yeah.  I feel so much better since I decided this.

Pain level is high today with my knee joining in.  I know that it is the arthritis kicking in.  It has been doing that for 2 days.  Yuck, oh, and my pain killers are out and the pharmacy is waiting for the doctor to call back.  Oh well, it will be soon (I hope!) The doctor can take up to 5 days to call a pharmacy back, I forgot about that when I called in the refill.  My other refill, I have to call the doctor on because they won't refill it over the phone.  I don't understand why, but oh well.

I hope this finds you doing well and having a good day.  The sun is finally coming out!  Yeah!  No more rain?!

It is definitely better today, however, I am soooo tired because we don't have milk and Mom was hungry so I had to get up and go with her Tim Horton's to get her breakfast.  I was an unhappy camper about this.  I am not a morning person especially when I don't get enough sleep at night, so to be woken up early, well, it wasn't a pretty picture.  The problem is, Mom gets her money TOMORROW, so I get to get up early tomorrow too, at least I am anticipating that since we don't have money today for milk.  So I feel cranky right now because I am sleep deprived.  I did try to take a nap, but Mom kept interrupting me.  I can't seem to get any sleep!

Pain is high today.  My arm and shoulder are not doing well.  My head seems to be joining them.

I have one student this afternoon and that is it.  I am glad that I have Charlie for his lesson.  Frank has cracked his wrist, so no lessons for at least 4 more weeks.  I miss him already.  Poor guy.  A cracked wrist.  That has got to hurt.  For everything I have done, I have never broken a bone.  Oops, wait, I cracked both collarbones as a baby.  I forgot about that.  Apparently, the first time I rolled over I rolled right off of the changing table.  The second time, I kicked myself out of Mom's arms and right on to the floor.  Fortunately, I don't remember the pain.  So I must amend my observation, I haven't broken my bones, just cracked.

I already scootered with Mom earlier.  I don't know if I want to go again.  I hope you are having a great day!!!