It has been a missing Mom day Friday 8-30

With the celebration of Maia's life party coming up, I have been thinking about Mom more and more.  I miss her so much and today just seems to be a missing mom bad day.  I think about her a lot as it is but today I have thought about her more than usual.  I so wish she were here with me.  I know my cousin, Danielle feels the same way as Maia as her mother.  I know both of them are in a much better place than we are but it doesn't stop us from missing them.  My life just doesn't seem complete without her.  It is like there is a big whole in my heart and my life that is empty without her.  I spent so much time with her even before I became her caregiver.  I think because I did get so sick when I was so young that we did spend so much time together.  For a long time she was my caregiver.  There were times when I was so sick, I couldn't even dress myself because the pain was so bad.  We tried so many things before I finally got diagnosed with fibro and the other stuff.  Then when the vasculitis hit, and then the blood clot, it just seemed I didn't get a break for a while.  I am so thankful that I am better than I was then but I am working on being even better.  I know Momma would be so pleased with my losing weight.  I know that for a fact.  She was always encouraging me to eat right.  Okay - when I was a child, I did NOT take that too well and ended up with some major food issues but momma and I worked them out in my early 20s.  After that we just did what I could but with the pain level so high and the exhaustion level through the roof some days, it was hard.  At every turn, Momma was there and now she isn't.  I am glad I took care of her.  I hate that she had to suffer with Alzheimer's.  I hate that disease even more than my own illnesses.  It was awful to watch her lose herself.  At least with my illnesses, I am still me. Yes, underneath the Alzheimer's she was still herself, but she was so buried by Alzheimer's at the end.  I am so glad that I have so many memories of us doing so many things together, even just hanging out and talking or watching TV or me reading to her.  She really liked me reading to her at the end.  I just miss her, both the Momma she became with Alzheimer's and the Momma she was before hand.  I want my momma.  there is no way around it.  I just want my momma.  I want her now.  

At the top are some pictures that I took during the time of 2008 to 2010 of Momma with my phone camera.  I finally learned how to put them on the computer.  These are my favorite of the 10 or so I have of her that I took with my old phone.  I wish I had taken so many more!!!

Thursday 8-29

I had 2 doctor appointments today.  1 with the neurologist and the second with my primary care doctor. Both are really happy that I have lost 31 pounds as am I.  Dr. G, the primary care doctor, does want me to see a hematologist.  He seems to think that I will have to visit once and then I won't need to go again, which would work for me.  I don't need another doctor that I have to see on a regular basis.  My hemoglobin seems to be normal right now.  A year ago, it was not but now it is.  I don't get it either.  i am no longer taking the iron because it completely upset my stomach and it didn't matter what time I took it so I stopped.

I normally would not have made 2 appointments in one day but I knew I didn't have any lessons so it was okay.  I had the neuro appointment from 4 months ago.  I really like my neurologist a lot.  She is working really hard to find something to stop the daily headaches, especially the really bad ones.  For the past few months I have found that I get a really bad one at about 2 to 4 in the morning.  It is annoying and very difficult at times to deal with.  Generally, I have to come down the stairs and take more medicine, something I don't like to do but when it is necessary, it is necessary.

This Sunday is Maia's celebration of her Life party.  I didn't realize how many people were planning to attend.  Tilley says there will be about 70 to 80 people.  Ugh, I don't do really well at that big of a party, however, I am going.  I want to see my brother and my cousins.  I plan to stay a bit and then head back for home.  Monday is Labor Day and I have no plans for that day.  I also have no lessons.  It will be one of the last times for a long while that I will have 2 days of no lessons.  I don't mind.  Fall is a busy season and I like that.  It is also time to get ready for competition and Christmas.  All in all, I love fall in general as the temps are still nice during the day but not so humid.  I can breathe better in the fall and I tend to ache less in the fall.  I ache more in the extreme heat and the extreme cold so basically, I am a fall and spring girl.

I am going to get a new pair of Christmas pajamas as soon as the catalogue comes out because my pajamas are seriously getting too big.  They aren't to the point where they fall off me, but darn close.  Yes, it is my goal to have them fall off me one day.  It is a feeling I have never had and I really want that feeling to happen to me just once in my life.

Project Runway is on right now.  They have a shoe inspired challenge.  I only own a few pairs of shoes.  I never really got into owning a massive amount of shoes but it is an interesting challenge.  They are all heading on down to the runway now.  I can't wait to see who is going to win and who will go home.

Maisy and I had our daily snuggle today.  She is such a good snuggler.  I would say my anxiety has been lower overall due to the little dog.  Maisy gives love freely and doesn't expect anything but love in return.  I give her lots and lots of love in return.  To me, it is so easy to love her.  Q is also easy to love and as much as it pains me to admit, he behaves better than Maisy too.  Q had his head on my seat at the dining room table today and I almost sat on the dog.  Goofy dog, I don't think he will do that again anytime soon.

I was thinking about going to choir practice but I didn't feel well enough.  I just haven't really felt well enough to do a lot of things yet.  I am hoping that by the end of September I will be feeling well enough to go.  I will just have to and see.

the last few days 8-27

The students all did really well today at the nursing home.  It lasted about 50 minutes and I was happy with how they did.  We had 15 songs with 12 performers.  Acer and Calli sang a duet, "Ave Maria".  Overall, it was good.

After the concert, I got the usual, after concert bad headache and I was wiped out from the anxiety of getting everything ready for the concert.  It took 2 days to fully recover from the concert and this is normal for me.  I refuse to give in to fibro and not do the concerts because I think it is really important to have them for the students.  They work hard and I want them to have opportunities to perform.  I don't want to take away the 2 concerts we do a year.  Star has volunteered to help.  She is such a nice young woman.  She really is.  Star already has some of it planned.  I will be hearing about it in a few weeks.  Both of us want to see the City of Bones movie.  Kathy wants to see it too as she has read the books.  I have them, but I haven't read them yet.  I plan to, I just haven't gotten to them.  It is so strange because pre-I was always looking for things to read and now, it is like finding time to read the 229 books that I have.  It is so nice not to have them as paper books because that would take up way more room than I have in this house.  I am working on taking all the books that I do have and putting them in plastic bags for Bill to take to work for the next book sale, which I think is next month.

Today was a busyish day.  I was supposed to have 7 lessons but 2 had to cancel because the car broke down.  Amy had her last lesson for 7 months today.  She is going to Kuwait for work.  I am excited for her as this will be an exciting journey for her and she is really looking forward to going.  I will miss her.  She is such a nice woman.  We get along really well.  I look forward to her facebook updates from Kuwait.

Tomorrow is a busy day too.  Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my busy days.  Every other day is no where near as busy, which is good.  I have tried to spread out the lessons but really, I have to be available when the students are.  I don't expect too many new students for the fall.  I have a good number right now that I am happy with.  I probably could fit a few more but that would be about it.  Monday and Thursdays are not really filled at all so there is room on those days.  I am expecting Sally back in a couple of weeks and that will fill my Saturday schedule.  I have a new one, Karen, on Saturday and she is wonderful.  We get along very well and I am very pleased with what she remembers from when she was a child.  Karen and I giggle a bit through the lesson and we enjoy the music during the lesson.  I think that all my students and I get along rather well.  I try to make the lessons around their interests with keeping the importance of technique in the lessons.  All piano students do play classical music just like most of the vocal students sing classical music (the exception would be my younger vocal students).  It is the foundation of music but it is also very important to have other music in other styles too.  That is also rather important and sometimes it can get overlooked.  I try to strike a balance with all my students.  Some I am a bit more successful than others.

It is almost time to look for Christmas and competition music again.  I haven't heard from Becca so I don't know if she is going to sing or not at competition.  I need to gather all the info and pass it out to the students interested in going.  I do hope that Isabella is also interested in going.  She is new to me and plays simply beautiful!  So far I have: Natalie, Aubrey, Brooke, and Jillian attending the competition.  I am hoping for Nick, Isaac, Acer, Isabella, and Brooke Anne to attend also as well as Rebecca.  I won't know for a few weeks.  Isaac didn't seem that enthused about it but he may change his mind.  It depends on Acer's after school activities schedule on whether or not he can attend.  I just don't have a solid idea of who is going and that is normal at this time.  My job this year is to get the pianos again.  It was a pretty easy job and while I was annoyed at the company at times, they were not super hard to work with.  I plan to call in October to see who is available to rent pianos to us for the competition.  It isn't a job to start right this minute that is for sure.

We watched episode 4 of season 2 of Game of Thrones tonight.  It ended so weird but hey, it is a fantasy story so there are weird parts in it.  I really like the story line and I think the character, Arya is awesome.  She is so cool.  I love her.  Right now she is in a bit of a pickle because she was captured and is now the cupbearer of her father's enemy, Twynn Lannister.  I feel bad for her.  I hope she can escape soon and go home to winterfell.  It is such a good show.  I have the book that I have started reading.  As soon as I finish this one trilogy that I am reading, I will start that one.

Pain is better today than it was yesterday and the day before.  My after concert headache is FINALLY down to the regular headache and my knees are no longer hurting really bad.  I have noticed that as I lose weight, different places hurt than before.  It is weird.  Like my thighs were sore 10 pounds heavier ago but now it is my knees and not my thighs when I am sleeping or lying down.  I will say that the 29 pounds I have lost have helped my hips a lot.  I can only imagine what 129 pounds will be like or my goal, 160 pounds!  I only have 131 pounds to go.  Ugh, I am glad it is going steady and slow because from experience, fast comes back way to quickly and steady and slow does not.  I do not ever plan to go back to the way I used to eat.  I never want to be this big again, ever.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  I just wouldn't.

Well, off to words with friends right now and then a bit of a read before some shut eye.

Saturday 8-24

Tomorrow is the Nursing Home concert for the students.  There are only 12 songs in the concert tomorrow.  I am slightly disappointment in that there are only about 10 students performing as usually we have about 14 to 15 performing but the scheduling just didn't work for a few of the others.  It will be a short one but that is okay, for this type of performance, we don't want a long concert.  It is during the residences ice cream social.  It is a good time to go and perform for the residents.

Today was a slightly busy with a few lessons.  Ryan came this afternoon since he was running really behind yesterday and I had such a bad headache.  It really worked best for both of us to reschedule to today.  Karen had her lesson and so did Rick.  I am pleased with the both of them.  Karen is really coming along since she hasn't played since she was a child.  She has had 2 lessons at this point.  I think we have both decided that she is in the proper books and she also has fun stuff too, not just the classical music but a nice mixture.  Rick has started a few new pieces and is doing very well too.  He started "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera and a new Beatles piece.

My head still hurts pretty bad but not quite as bad as last night.  That was the worst of all.  It was terrible, simply terrible.  I do hope that tonight is much better.  I really do.  I have to be up by about 12:30 tomorrow so that I can print the order of the songs and pick up Star for the concert.  She is such a sweet girl.  She is singing an opera song.  I can't believe she is 26 years old now.  It blows my mind how fast she grew up.

Acer and Calli sound so sweet with their duet.  They really do.  They argued a bit today about their song but basically they did okay.  I just hope tomorrow they can get through it without bickering with each other.  Acer has decided on Summertime.  I am not sure if he is using the ipod or not.  We shall see.  I am bringing the piano music and my ipod speakers in case he is planning on using his ipod.

After the concert we often go and get ice cream but not tomorrow.  Many of the students have things they have to do so we won't be able to do it.  I don't mind since I don't really need the ice cream at all and I don't particularly have a test for it right now.  I am not crazy about ice cream like my mother was. Momma ate ice cream everyday until about 4 months before she died.  I only eat it once in a while.  I have to be in the mood for it.  I like plainer ice cream too not so much the extra chocolate or rich type stuff with lots of chocolate candy or Carmel or things like that.

My back is stiffer tonight than usual.  I don't really know why, it just is.  I hope it feels better tomorrow.  I am sure it will.

I have started taking magnesium at lunch and dinner.  It is supposed to help with digestion and pain level.  I think it has started to help some.  I will know more in the future.

Bill and I were watching Game of Thrones.  We didn't realize that the TV was on rather loud so we turned it down.  We don't want Calli or Acer to hear it at all.  That is the main reason we watch it at night after they go to bed.  There is bad language and violence in it that we just don't want them to hear.    The show is definitely not for teens or children.  It is most definitely an adult type show.  I really enjoy the show a lot though.  We have to watch 2 episodes tomorrow because it is due back on Monday.  I can't wait for the next 2 discs.  So far we have only watched 2 episodes though.

Well, off to words with friends or reading for bed.  I am rather tired now so I may just read instead of words with friends.  I will figure that out when I get upstairs in my room.  I am debating on which to wear for the concert tomorrow, either the pink or the blue skirt.  I will see what my mood strikes me to know what I will wear.

Friday and the bad bad headache 8-23

I had such a bad headache earlier.  It was super bad, I found myself telling Acer to quiet down.  Now, seriously, he is an 8 1/2 boy, they don't come with volume control and I am telling him to be quiet?  That means it is time to go to bed for me.  That is what it tells me, so I did.  The headache got worse.  I finally broke down and asked Brandon to give me a shot.  It helped but the headache is getting bad again.  I just remembered I didn't take my dinner time medicine, which includes pain pills.  I have now corrected that.  I took my bedtime ones too because I will be heading to bed early tonight.  Bad headaches wipe me out.  They really do.

Not much happening in the H2 house today since both Heather B-T and I were down with bad headaches.  I did get a bit of a snuggle with Maisy when she came down from Heather B-T's room.  That was good.  She is sitting next to me right now but who knows how long that will last.  She is an on the go girl you know.  Heather B-T is wiped out but is feeling a bit better with her headache.  It is kind of strange that we both were down in one day.  That doesn't usually happen to us.  Usually, it is one or the other, not both.  It isn't a big deal though.

Calli is reading to Acer right now for bedtime.  I love listening to her read to her brother.  It is so heartwarming.  I love when they get along with each other.  I have decided that when I am sick, I want Calli to read to me.  She reads so very well.  It is so sweet and just warms my heart when they are doing something together and getting along without the sibling bickering.  Basically, they were getting along pretty well today, which I totally appreciate.  When I don't feel well, hearing bickering is the last thing I want to hear.  I don't think Brandon likes to hear it either.  In fact, I know he doesn't.  It drives him up the wall as fast as it does everyone else.  Now I totally understand why my mother wouldn't let us fight or bicker.  It is awful to hear.  I love when they get along and are sweet and kind to each other. Then it is pleasant to be around them and I must say, generally they do get along.  It is not very often I hear the bickering, thankfully.

Acer was so excited today to use my speaker set for his ipod.  I let him use it.  I need to get some more music on my itunes library so I can have it on my ipod.  I also need to figure out where my ipod plugs in in my car.  I know it is somewhere in the glove box.  I am not too worried about it though.

I am so pleased with myself this month because I almost have all the money to pay my part of the hearing aids.  I only need a bit more and then I have it all.  Thank goodness for that.  It is one more thing less to pay.  I, of course, had shuffled around some of the medical bills so I will be paying double on some of them next month, but that is what I needed to do to get the money for the hearing aids.  I have the appointment on September 27.  I am nervous about it.  I really am.  What if they cause more headaches because things will be louder?  I just don't know but I have to try because my hearing IS becoming an issue during lessons at times.  It is annoying at other times too.  Sometimes it comes in handy though, when I don't want to totally pay attention to what someone is saying but that is rare.  Usually it was when my brothers were yelling at me from another room and I really couldn't hear what they were saying anyways.  Momma always said to ignore them since she knew I really couldn't hear them and then they would come to me to talk to me directly.  Of course, they always began with, did you hear me call you?  Uh, not really, cause I couldn't tell who they were calling.  I always guessed it was me but I was never sure, which is why momma said to ignore them.  Andrew got better at it but Richard never remembered.  One time, we went to Christmas at Richard's in Cleveland and Momma told me to bring a book to read.  I was stunned because that was not normally what she would tell me to do.  If anything, it was, leave the book at home.  I brought it with me.  We drove down Christmas Eve and stayed at a hotel that night.  We had Christmas Day at Richards and then left late Christmas Day.  Anyways, Richard had bought momma the Christmas Carol Movie and we all sat down to watch it during my niece, Abigail's nap.  Richard kept moving the volume up and down so basically, I heard absolutely nothing and it was giving me a headache.  I finally looked at mom and said I can't hear anything.  She said go read.  Richard was upset but momma said she would watch it with me when we got home and that because of my hearing issues, I really couldn't hear anything that had been said.  He was like, oh.  He couldn't have it too loud because Abby was sleeping and Momma said she understood but that I just couldn't hear so let me read.  I also took a really long nap in the afternoon.  This was prior to knowing I had fibro but I did have it at the time.  This was right after I had been close to bed ridden.  It was thanks to Momma that I was not.  She devised a plan to get me moving and in less pain at times.  She encouraged me to nap when I needed too whereas my brothers were always like why do you sleep so much.  Momma would answer, because she is in pain and leave her be.  That was just my mother.  We had a good Christmas and I got to spend it with Abigail.  I miss my niece and nephew a lot.  I also miss my older brother but he has chosen to cut himself off from me and Andrew.  I will at least see Andrew on the 1st of September.  That will be good.  I haven't actually seen him since Christmas.  I have texted him and emailed him but I haven't physically seen him since then.  Wow, that is a long time.  I just realized that.  He is very busy with working.  I don't know if he is working 1 or 2 jobs at this point or not.  It is hard to say with him.  Andrew is very busy all the time.

Q has been trying to get Maisy's Blue bone all evening.  He got it twice.  He was a sad dog to have to give it up since it is not his.  The majority of the toys are Q's.  Maisy has a few, but she doesn't play with them much.  The blue bone has a treat inside, which is why Q wants it.  Maisy is allowed treats but Q is not.  I think Calli said she can give Q a treat like 2 times a year but he does get toys a lot so he really doesn't miss out because he doesn't get food treats like Maisy.  Maisy doesn't get toys like Q does.  I never really realized how awesome dogs were until these two moved in.  I know I tease Calli alot with saying I love Maisy more, but Q is such a good dog and he is so beautiful.  It pains me to admit, he behaves better than Maisy.  She is not always a well behaved dog.

Maisy just came back down the stairs.  She is back next to me for a few minutes.  We played for a few minutes before she heads to where ever she wants to go.  Q is up with Calli now.

Well, I am going to watch a bit of TV and play words with friends now.  I just hope my headache doesn't get bad again like earlier.  I am all out of my break through meds.

Thursday 8-22

Ah, another beautiful day here.  It is a bit humid, but not too much.  The sun was nice and shining.

I had an appointment with yet another one of my billions (alright - a total exaggeration) doctors.  It was a follow up for the procedure that I had a couple of weeks ago.  Dr. T. wants me to see a hematologist because of the bleeding issues I have and my anemia.  I will be talking to Dr. G about it and see what he has to say.  I will make the appointment next week or the following week although I am so tired of doctors.  Oh, wait, I have Dr. R's appointment next week.  This is a check up on how the new medicine is working on the headaches.  It works so so.  I like that it doesn't increase my appetite (it actually at times decreases it) and I don't GAIN weight from it!  That is the best thing!  I am tired of medicine that causes weight gain.  I have gained a total of 105 pounds from medicine in the last 8 years.  Now I am on the proper direction for weight.  I am pleased with myself about all of this.

I am watching my usual Thursday show, Project Runway.  I really like this show.  This weeks inspiration was an overnight glamping trip.  I loved camping as a child.  I think I was the only child who could camp and stay super clean.  I hate (to this day too) getting dirty.  I seriously do.  If anything requires me to get dirty, I will refuse to do it.  I just hate getting dirty that much.  Momma used to tease me about it but in a nice way.  We would also go fishing.  Okay - Momma and the boys would go fishing, I would play with dolls or barbies in the boat.  I don't touch fish or worms or anything gross like that.  I will not clean the fish, however, I will cook it and eat it.  I didn't mind cooking the fish, but I absolutely refused to clean the fish.  That just grossed me out so much!  Momma and Richard did a lot of the cleaning of the fish.  Occasionally, I would hold the fishing pole but not very often.  I am just not an outside type of person.  We would also hike a lot.  I was always the last one.  We know now it was the fibro that made it hard for me, but we didn't know that then.  I just remember that after we were done, I would be so wiped out and I would often have to take a nap when we got back to the campsite. I had the coolest tent ever but I did give it to the neighbors who camp all the time since I no longer camp.

I had to digress for a moment and give Maisy some love.  Brandon put her in my lap and well I had to get some snuggles with her!  She is such a good snuggler!  I love that dog!!!!

Back to camping.  I used to take my 2 cousins with me camping but I can't camp anymore.  I have a hard time getting up and down, perhaps when I down all my weight I will be able to bend more.  Maybe I will even be able to kneel, something I cannot do right now.  It seriously hurts too much right now to do.  I do miss hanging out with Celia and Samantha but they are adults now and Celia has 2 children.  It seems like yesterday that they were very young and I spent a lot of time with them.  We had a lot of fun together, the three of us.  One time we even went camping with Momma.  She had a good time too.  Momma loved spending time with her nieces.  Samantha and Celia used to come over quite a bit before they moved to Niagara Falls.  I missed them when they moved there.  Now both are grown up and Samantha is in London and Celia in Hamilton.  They are so far away from me now.

Star and I are going to do some sewing together this fall.  I need to figure out what I am making for the students' Christmas Presents and she wants to sew some various projects.  I also think I want to make some skirts and dresses when I am down to a lesser weight.  I had wanted to teach Calli to sew this summer but she was so busy that we just didn't have the time to do that.  Maybe another season.  With the beginning of Junior High in about 1 1/2 weeks, I think I will wait and see how she does with the first weeks of school before bringing up sewing.  She is very busy and also has goalball on Saturdays.  Acer wants to learn too but he is just as busy.  Somedays, the kids are busier than I am on my busiest teaching and prep days!  It is nice that they are busy because that means that they are learning and doing lots of things.

Calli, Acer, and I were loading my ipod with music today and wow!  It did it on its own.  Calli is such a sweet heart and gave me her speakers to her old ipod.  She says she doesn't need it because she has an iphone.  Talk about being a generous girl, Calli really is.  Well, all of us are thrilled now that I have all the music in my music library on my ipod.  My TV episode of Winter is Coming is not on it, but that is okay.  I don't mind.  I have seen it and that is all that matters.  I have charged my ipod so it is ready to listen to tomorrow.  I am going to start importing my CDs so they will also go on my ipod.  I want alllllllll my Bon Jovi CDs on my ipod.  I love Bon Jovi, they are my favorite band ever.  My favorite singer is Amy Grant although there are others that I love too.  I just like Amy Grant best of all.  I haven't heard all of her latest CD but I do plan to get it soon.  I just can't right now.

On September 27, I have an appointment with the doctor that I will be getting my hearing aids from.  I am not sure if I will have them that day or if I am being fitted that day.  I don't know.  I don't remember the procedure to get them.  I am nervous about them, but I do need them so I am getting them.  It has become apparent in the last year that I need them and I can no longer ignore the lack of hearing issues.  It is kind of a good thing I am getting them, but on the other hand, I am not sure how my headaches will react with them.  I can only try.  So I am both scared and excited to be getting the hearing aids, scared because of the headache issues and excited because I will be able to hear better and hear things I have never heard before.  That will be good.  I haven't had good hearing since I was about 13 when I had a severe ear infection in both ears that lasted 8 months and permanently damaged my hearing.  It will be nice to not have to explain that I have a hearing loss and to look right at me when you speak to me.  It will also help me teach longer as I get older since I will be able to hear better.  That is very important to me as I love teaching and want to teach as long as possible.

I have a bad headache now.  It got bad as the day wore on.  By the time I got back from my blood tests, it was really bad.  I hope it improves during the night.  The last few weeks, I have had to get up in the middle of the night and take some Tylenol because my headache is so bad.  I wake up every night between 1:30 and 3 and then again between 5 and 6 so it is between those two times I have to come downstairs and take the medicine.

Heather B-T and I are working on the kitchen and dining room.  We are really working on organizing and finding homes for things.  The kitchen counter looks very nice and so does the counter the right of the stove.  We have managed to keep the dining room table pretty clear too.  That is very helpful.  I do have some stuff on top of the dresser that I need to find a new home for, but I will do that tomorrow before lessons.  My lovely Elizabeth will be absent tomorrow because she had a family member pass away out of state and they are headed to the funeral.  She will be moving her lesson day from Friday to Saturday since her current time is when she is at school.  My Fridays will be a bit less busy since she will be moving to Saturday.  Saturday will be getting a bit busier when fall starts, but I don't mind.  Summer hasn't been busy enough.  I only teach very part time, so to teach even less leaves even more free time for me to fill.  I am glad school will be starting and that students will be coming back to lessons.

I hope your day was good too!  Off to words with friends.

Wednesday 8-21

We are watching the second season of Game of Thrones, the first episode.  I love this show.  It is really good.

Last night, I met up with Star and we went to tea.  It was nice and relaxing.  Star has decided on the song she is singing on Sunday for the Nursing Home Concert.  It is a nice piece that I think she will do well with.

Today, Calli and I cleared most of the counter and then Heather B-T cleared the rest.  It looks every so much better.  It really does.  I am very pleased with how it looks.  We have also separated all of our medicine into different baskets so I know where mine is and Bill knows where his is.  It really is a better thing.  I am happy with the changes or rather, improvements are being made around here.  They are really much better and it is making things look ever so much better.

We got a new to us table last night from my friend, Diane.  It is in excellent condition and the chairs are super comfortable.  They are wonderful.  I am pleased with them.  We now can fit all 6 of us at the table without us being all into each others' space.  It is a great thing.

Bill had his kidney stone surgery today.  I hope he heals quickly and the pieces go away for him.  He slept this afternoon and we just finished watching the Game of Thrones episode.

I got my bangs fixed today as they were cut crooked last time and it drove me absolutely crazy.  Now they are even and I am one happy camper.

I am going to play some word of friends and head for bed.  I am getting tired and I have to go to the doctor tomorrow.  It is a follow up from the procedure I had a couple of weeks ago.  I will also be weighed because they always weigh me.  I would refuse but they don't let me.  We shall see where I am at.  Next week is my appointment with Dr. R, the neurologist.  Nothing like a medical event every single week for a month.

The start of a new week 8-18

Ah, Sunday, a day of rest, sort of.  In the olden days, you didn't do any work on Sundays at all and some still hold true to that.  Stores were closed, nothing was really open but churches and family homes for dinners.  We used to have Sunday dinners with family every Sunday when I was very small.  Then after my grandmother died, we stopped having family dinners there.  Mom always had something special for dinner and when I was learning how to cook, Mom taught me something new for Sunday dinners.  I don't remember a lot of what I made, but I do know how to make good roasts and chickens.  I can make a mean pot roast with veggies.  I should shock everyone and do one!  That would be so surprising for everyone.  He he he!  I will!!!  I will get a good roast next month along with the veggies and make a dinner for the family.

Today the kids came home from camp.  It has been a quiet 4 days without them.  They left on Thursday and arrived today.  Both had a really good time.  Acer wanted to listen to some YouTube videos right away of the bop it games.  We were exploring YouTube before he left.  YouTube was not working too well today so we had to stop watching them.  Acer was able to get some on his ipod but even they weren't working too well.  I told him we would try again this week.

I am excited because Hannah will be having lessons again.  She is such a good piano player not to mention a really nice young lady.  I can't believe it has been 10 years since I met her and her family.  Her sister, Sarah, will be 10 next month.  She was a tiny baby when I first met her.  I have some fun new music for the young lady for her lesson tomorrow.  It is more music from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie.  It has such wonderful music in it!  I know that I enjoy the music a lot too.

Next week, Sunday, will be the summer concert at the Shelby Nursing Center.  I am excited about this because my friend, Jen will also be performing.  I asked her too.  I will be collecting the names of the songs that the kids will be performing at the nursing home.  I have to get some ink so I can make the programs.  I want to have them for the residents.  I hope that I make enough and not too many or not enough.  I think the kids will enjoy the concert too.  Acer and Calli are doing a duet of "Ave Maria" as they both know the song really well.  Acer will also be playing a piano solo and singing a vocal solo.  He is singing "Hands" but he and I are not sure what song he will play on the piano yet.  He is such an amazing young man.  He really is.  He and Calli sound so lovely together when they sing duets.  I really love how they blend.  My three little girls will be playing the piano too.  They are such good piano players.  It is hard to believe how young they are.  The twins, Brooke and Jillian are 6 and Aubrey is 8.  Aubrey is the youngest student who has ever been in the level she is in.  I mean, wow, she is amazing.  All 3 of the little ones are going to competition.  I am excited about that.  They are also writing their essays for their entries for the scholarship for the weekend.  I hope one of them wins!  I really do.  Everything is due so early for the competition this year.  I have to remember to contact Becca about lessons and see if she is going to competition this year.  I can't remember how old she is now.  Last year I knew exactly what I wanted her to sing but this year I am not sure.  I will have to give it some major thought.  It is something I will need to do in the next few weeks.

I ache everywhere today and it is more than usual.  I don't really know why, but I am taking stuff for that.  I feel much better than I did earlier in the day but I am still more sore than usual.  I figure after another night sleep I should be better tomorrow.

A Beautiful Day 8-17

It is so lovely outside!  It really is.  Heather B-T was ambitious today and she has taken down about 6 trees that are growing in the wrong places in the patio so far today.  I am impressed and it looks so nice without those trees where they don't belong.  She is a master gardener and a landscaper.  There really isn't much she can't do with flowers and trees.  They grow like magic for her.  It is beautiful to see.  I really appreciate a beautiful garden, I just know that I don't really have the skills to create it myself but I love beautiful gardens that others create.  A garden is such a lovely, living, breathing element that brings peace to me.  It always has.  Mom had that magic too and she loved working in the garden.  When we were small, we also had vegetable gardens and nothing was cooler than going to the garden to get our dinner.  I tried to grow on many years ago but since I had no idea when they were ripe and ready to be picked, I killed them all.  Some of the vegetables didn't even grow so that was the last time I tried to create one myself.  Now, I just bask in the beauty and appreciate other people's work.

Maisy wasn't a happy camper for some of the afternoon as she couldn't go out with Mama.  She had to stay in with me.  At one point that was fine.  She came up into my room and was on my bed snuggling with me but then once Heather B-T and Bill came back in the house, we both came down the stairs.  She is sitting in the hallway where she can see all three of us.  Maisy likes to know where her people are at all times.  Such a sweet little fluffy dog, she is.

I have an Hiatal Hernia.  There really isn't any treatment that I am not already doing.  I am taking both Zantac and Prilosec so I am covered.  They say most people don't really have any symptoms and that is it with me so I am glad about that.  It hurts occasionally in the area but I don't believe it is the hernia at all, just the usual fibro stuff.  With fibro, you can have weird pains at any time and I am no exception to that rule.  I do have weird pains at different times but nothing too serious.  I take my medicine and if necessary some Tylenol and then I am back to the usual me.  I am glad that the bleeding is gone.  I do have issues with bleeding but I am glad at this point I am not bleeding at all or as far as I know anyway!  Dr. T does want me to see an Hematologist though.  I will ask why when i see Rachel this coming week.  I actually see his Physician's Assistants and I don't mind.  I usually see Linetta but she is on maternity leave so right now I am seeing Rachel.  I do hope to return to see Linetta soon because I really do like her and I think she has helped with the IBS and tummy issues a lot.  I just don't really want another doctor to see but I will talk it over and then make a decision.  I go to see Rachel on Thursday.

Today is a regular pain day, including the headache pain.  It isn't too bad, it isn't gone, it is just there.  I was super tired earlier since I did have to get up early and I didn't sleep too well last night but that is normal for me, especially on a Saturday.  I don't have any lessons tomorrow so I can sleep in.  I did have to go and get some Tylenol Pm and Regular extra strength Tylenol since we were completely out. I didn't bring Maisy as I was going into the store and I don't bring her when I go into stores because I don't like to leave her in the car.  I don't ever like to leave her in the car so I only bring her when I am going through drive thrus or to get gas or to the bank because then we don't get out of the car.  There is a gas station around town that will actually pump the gas for you and since I can't stand the smell of gas (it makes me nauseous), I will drive 8 extra miles to go there.  I really will and naturally, if I can, I will take Maisy.

I am doing pretty well on the words with friends game.  I am improving, which is my goal, of course,  I enjoy the game so I play it pretty much every day.  I am not so into the other games I was into like the angry birds as I was when I first got my nook.  Now, I just play words with friends.

Maisy is sitting right next to me right now as Heather B-T and Bill went to get dinner.  I am not sure if they are cooking or picking something up.  It doesn't matter.  Either is fine with me.  I love sitting next to Maisy.  She is such a soothing presence.

Well, anyway, it has been such a lovely day and now when I look out my window, I can see more of the backyard and less of the trees that don't belong in the patio in the backyard.  It looks every so much nicer.  Heather B-T does a nice job.  I can see Mom's roses much better now too.  They are fully blooming and are red.  They are carpet roses and the bush is huge and I mean huge.  It hasn't been looked after for about 10 years so the little bush is now a huge bush.  We had something weird happen to us this week.  One of our neighbors, with their dog, walked into our backyard, looked at it and walked out.  Now, in order to get into the back yard, you have to go through the side yard but wow, who goes into neighbors yards like that?  It was very strange.  We have some good neighbors and some strange neighbors.  That is all I can say.  We do have one that complains about our yard (or used to) when Mom was still here.  I could only afford to have someone come and cut the yard every couple weeks so the lawn would get long except in July when it would be brown because of the high heat and no rain (not like this year where it rained all July).  She would call and complain and then complain to the board of directors for our sub.  It finally got to the point where the head of the board went and told her exactly what was going on here, how Mom was really sick, and that I couldn't afford to have it done weekly.  She left me alone after that but still, mind your own lawn.  I was doing the best that I could do.  Mom had to take top priority with me.  She needed me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I helped her with everything.  I do miss taking care of her - not everything - but somethings.  I miss our walks, picking out her clothes, and things like that.  I miss taking her everywhere with me.  A daughter's revenge on mom for clothes that she put me in as a child (not that I didn't like everything she ever put me in, because I did - she had good taste), was for me to pick her clothes out for her everyday. I made sure she looked super cute at all times.  Momma had to have the hair, the clothes, the shoes, everything put together to make her look adorable and she did, let me tell you.  I brought Mom pretty much everywhere with me.  Near the end, I had to have someone come and stay with her because she couldn't walk that well, but up until that part, she just came with me.  It never occurred to me to leave her at home.  Why would I?  It wasn't a problem to bring her.  She started coming everywhere with me in summer of 2006, she pretty much came everywhere with me prior to that but she could still drive at that point so she didn't come to the store with me, I didn't own it at that point.  If I wasn't going to work, she came with me but if I was going to teach, she didn't.  Once my brother and I bought the store she came with me to work and she loved every minute of it.  It made her feel so important and that was good because she was important to me.  I miss being with her all the time.  I know people would say take time for yourself and I did when I needed to but I knew there would come a day when I would have all the self time I wanted plus some.  I wanted to spend the time with her and that is what I did.  We were a team.  That is what I remember the most.  Momma and I were a team.

On to words with friends and then some dinner soon.  I am getting a bit hungry, which is unusual in itself.  I don't get hungry very often.  It isn't quite time to feed the Maisy girl yet either so we will both be eating about the same time.  She is sitting patiently at the hallway at the top of the stairs, waiting for the rest of her "people" to get home.

TGIF???? 8-16

I am not sure if I am glad it is Friday as I do have a lesson on Saturday.  Other than that there isn't much going on.  I may go and see Tilley and the family but I am not positive yet.  I have my little Ryan today.  He is such a sweet young man.  He is 6 now and is going into 1st grade.  Ryan is doing very well with piano.  His younger brother, Nick, may start too.  I don't know for sure though.  His mom is working with him at home to see if he is interested.  The boys are such sweet boys.  They really are.  Robyn has had to take a couple weeks off of lessons to get things together and then she will have them again.  Acer is at camp with Calli and Natalie is on vacation.  Friday is a busy day for lessons.  I think next week my Emily will be back and boy, I can't wait to see her.  I miss her so much!  I really do!!!  She has been in Poland for the summer and I do hope she has really enjoyed herself.  I will find out next week!

It is soooooo quiet in the house as I am the only one home.  With both kids at camp and Heather, Bill, Maisy, and Brandon all out for the moment, it is awfully silent around here.  I don't mind as it is nice to have some silence mixed in with the commotion of everyone being here.  I am enjoying the view out of my window and I even have seen some new flowers poking their heads through!

Ryan finished his lesson.  He just learned a new hand position and it is giving him a smidge of trouble.  He did much better with it today than he did last week when it was brand new.  Ryan has a really good memory so when he does his flashcards, he does a really good job even with the new notes thrown in.  I expect that in a few weeks, it will be super easy for him.  I am going to switch to the regular Alfred books after this level since I think the prep books will be too easy for him by the time we get to level D, plus, I really dislike the level D book.  Parts are okay and parts are not.  It just seems that at the end of level 1B, D, and 4 they throw in stuff just to learn and who cares that it sounds awful or at least that is what I think.  I switch to more original classical music for level 4.  It seems to interest the students much more.  The exception in Isabella and that is because she is new to me but not new to piano.  It will be the same with the new student tomorrow, Karen.  I am looking forward to meeting her.  She sounds really nice on the phone.  Her first lesson is tomorrow.

I am anxiously awaiting the second season of Game of Thrones.  I will miss the 2 characters that they killed off, but I can't wait to see what happens with the kids, Arya and Sensa.  They are such strong girls.  I have to read the books too and right now I am finishing up a different series but I will get to that soon.

I have to plan the Christmas presents soon.  With all the things I need to get (hearing aids, pay off 2012 property taxes, and save for a car) I have to get them over a few months.  I can't wait until December because then no one will get anything.  I have an idea of what to get Kathy's kids.  They aren't too hard, the girls are the hardest but I will have suggestions from Kathy and I will go to the craft store and see what I can pick up for them.  Her boys are so easy.  They love itunes so I get them itune cards.  Acer and Calli are a bit harder although I think I know what I am getting Calli and I have a good idea of what I am getting Acer.  With his love of percussion, I am going to scout out some percussion sound effect instruments.  He doesn't have any of those yet so that is what I am going to look for.  Heather and Bill, I know what I am getting them, they are easy.  My students are a bit more difficult as I don't know what type of ornament to make.  I know I am making them something, I just don't know what yet.  It will get easier when September rolls around and I start thinking seriously about it.

Speaking of competition, all the stuff is due the week before Christmas.  I am worried that it could have an impact with the entries.  I hope not, but it might.  I will get the stuff together to hand out to students by the beginning of September.  I must be tired as I just wrote march and had to delete to write September.  Oh my.  What can I say?  I am tired.

Everyone is home but the kids now.  Maisy was very excited that all her people were home together.  I got out of my car and she came running to me.  She was so happy to see me and boy, was I so happy to see her!  I did enjoy myself with the extra peace and quiet, but I am glad she and the others are home.  I have a new recipe for a new drink to try here at home.  I have to get some Cinnamon sticks and apples.  You slice apples thinly and put it one Cinnamon stick, put in bottom of pitcher, add 1/2 with ice and then water.  It is healthy and supposed to taste really good so I will try it.  We have lots of pictures.

Heather B-T, Maisy, and I toured the gardens in our house.  Heather B-T has been busy all spring and summer working on the yard.  The flowers are blooming and I think the yard is shaping up nicely.  We are keeping the one rose bush that Mom planted but all the others that mom planted died years ago so everything else will be new.

Well, I am off to play words with friends and then reading.

Thursday 8-15

It is the middle of the month and my music room still looks pretty much like it did at the beginning of the month, which was not my goal.  I wanted it done by now and it is not.  I have imposed a deadline on myself that by the end of August.  I have to make that deadline because the room really needs to be in order.

I had Maisy with me most of today.  She was in my room right before Heather B-T and Bill left to take the kids to camp and stayed until they came home after dinner.  Maisy was so good when we went to Panera for soup and McD for my drink.  She was such a good girl and stayed on the passenger side of the car.  I was so pleased with her.  Then I had one lesson.  I took a nap after that and Maisy snuggled with me during the nap.  I was happy about that.  She is such a snuggly dog.  I simply adore her.  I know she barks too much and has been known to do doggie business in the house, but overall, she is a good girl.

I don't have any plans for the weekend, other than working on the music room.  I do hope to go out to lunch with Heather B-T and use one of the gift certificates that I have.  If we don't, that is okay.  We will eventually.  It isn't like these expire because they really don't.

I am watching project runway right now.  This is last weeks episode.  The new episode will be on right after this.  I love this show.  I was planning to go to choir, but I am not feeling so good today so I didn't go.  I miss going to church but with these headaches that happen so much, there isn't much I can do about it.  I will eventually be able to get back to it.  The doctor is doing the best that she can with the medicines.  I told Dr. A yesterday that I would not take anymore medicine that would cause weight gain and she said sometimes you just don't have a choice.  Well, I do and I will not do that anymore.  I am finally losing the weight so I do not want to gain anymore weight.

I am getting very tired.  I think I will try to stay up and watch the next episode but I am not sure I will stay awake.

Happy Doctor Day 8-14

I can't believe it but I made Doctor A happy with me!!!  I know!  It is a miracle!!  Well, she is very happy with the 28 (yup down 28 now) pounds I have lost.  Also, I asked for a prescription for a walker, one with a seat so that I can sit after walking for a bit.  I am trying to do more walking than riding on a scooter.  I am hoping that with more weight loss, I will be able to walk better and longer.  I would also like to be able to stand longer too.  I just have to be patient and boy, do I know that is so not one of my strong suits, but I will work on it.

I also finished Game of Thrones season 1 last night.  Oh my, the ending was epic!  Dragons!  3 Dragons!  How cool was that?  I loved the ending!  Originally, i didn't want to see the other seasons but now I do.  Arya kicks butt!  I love that character!  She is such a strong girl!  Not to mention, she has a sword called needle!  I will admit that I have to turn my head every so often as the sight of blood does make me sick to the stomach but mostly you can tell that is about to happen or at least when they are about to cut off someone's head.  It is such a good show and I am anxious for the rest of the seasons.  I can't believe I waited so long to see this show!

Maisy and I had a lovely snuggle for about 35 minutes today.  I loved every minute of it.  It was so wonderful, just me and the little snuggly dog.  Acer and I were listening to music the entire time I was resting and snuggling with Maisy.  I was so exhausted.  It could have something to do with the fact I went to bed at 1 am this morning because I was watching all of the rest of the Game of Throne episodes.  Yes, it certainly did.  Tomorrow I don't have to be up until I want to get up as I don't teach until 2:30 pm.  I won't sleep that late but I will sleep in, I am sure.

Not much exciting on TV tonight especially after watching Game of Thrones last night.  Everything else seems so, well, dull.  Completely dull in comparison.  It is almost like a let down after such an interesting show.  Kathy just finished listening to the audio book of Game of Thrones.  She says the show is very close to the book so I am super glad about that!  I don't like it when they are not the same or similar enough.  I just need to finish up my tea and take my bedtime medicine before words with friends.  I am doing alright.  I am getting better.  I hope Star made her move today!  I am now playing against her too.  We shall have fun with this, I think.

Pain level is rather high today.  I think part of it is because when I see Dr. A she always checks my range of motion and that often makes me sore.  I am not sure why else other than that but I was medium sore before the appointment and very sore after.  I know she doesn't mean to hurt me, it just happens.  She has to check my range of motion.  I have improved some with my left shoulder.  I can now put my arm over my head and behind my back, which was something I could not do a few months ago.  Like I said, I had one happy doctor there.  She wants to see me again in 4 months although I am doing so well she said it really is just to see how I am doing on the weight loss.  Dr. A is very excited about my losing of weight.  I figured she would be happy but wow, I didn't know she would be this happy about it but I am not complaining!  I like happy doctors!  I like making my doctor happy that is for sure.  My daily headache was really bad this afternoon, which is unusual, usually it is bad in the morning and at night, but now it is medium bad.  I am hoping for some improvement when I go to bed.

Tuesday - a Game of Thrones night 8-13

I have yet to totally recover from the trip to Kalamazoo.  I expect a couple more days and then I will be back to my regular self.  I am not as tired as I thought I would be though so that is good.  I am watching Game of Thrones season one episode 7 right now.  I do enjoy this show more than I thought I would.  I am going to watch a few episodes tonight.  i didn't realize I made the discs overdue.  I will try to watch them all this evening before I go to bed.  Bill needs to return the discs tomorrow.  This is interesting because the king is dying and the hand of the king, Ned Stark, did not write exactly what he was supposed to.  Hmm, this will be interesting that is for sure.  I wasn't sure I would like this story but I do.  i also have borrowed the book from Kathy to read.  I have already started it.

Last night I went to tea with Star.  We had a nice chat as usual.  She is such a nice young woman.  She has grown into an unusually compassionate and kind lady not too unlike when she was a child.  Star has always been an old soul.  You look into her eyes and you see an old soul.  It is just the way she was and is now.

It was a bit chilly today.  This whole month has been rather chilly and not a day over 90 degrees, I don't even know if we hit 80 degrees.  I don't know.  I do better in this weather than i do in hot weather.

Kathy has received the 2nd disc of the Game of Thrones!  I am so excited even though we just saw them this weekend.  Tony hasn't seen them and they are watching them together, which is really nice.

Ah, the King is dead on the show.  Oh my, let the games begin!

Danielle is not doing very well with her mother's passing.  I did expect it would be hard on her.  It is hard no matter how old you are to lose your mother.  I know how hard it is.  I still miss my mother so much of time.  I am glad though, that Danielle has 2 children to distract her and help her focus on something other than her grief.  At times I know how overwhelming it can be.  Sometimes it can be so overwhelming that it seems as though you can't breathe.  Other times, it hurts so bad that it feels as though bricks were pressing so hard on your chest.  It is just awful, but I do know it eventually becomes somewhat more bearable.  It won't be everyday for her, but it will come and go.  I do worry about her and her siblings.

Well, on to more game of thrones and some words with friends.

Girl Time 8-11

I went to Kalamazoo yesterday to spend yesterday and today with Kathy.  It was a well needed break as this summer has not been so good.  It hasn't been the worst, but it certainly hasn't been the best either.  I had made these plans on the fly this week.  I called Kathy and asked her what her schedule for the weekend looked like.  She said it was pretty open so we put the plans together just like that.  I left yesterday about 9:30 ish so I would get there around noon.  I picked up Kathy and the fun began.  We went to lunch and discussed what our plans were.  I had decided that we really needed to have pedicures as neither of us have ever had one.  Boy, was it awesome.  I didn't have the lady paint my toenails though as I usually don't.  Kathy picked a really pretty bright pink.  It looked really good.  After that, Kathy's kids and husband, Tony came to the hotel and they all went swimming while Kathy and I chatted.  I amused Kathy with many stories about Maisy and how much I love that little dog.  I will freely admit that Maisy has me wrapped around her little paw and she KNOWS it!  Trust, she knows.  Maisy just gave me that look and I was hooked forever.  That is all there is to it.  So while the kids and Tony swam, Kathy and I chatted up a storm.  We caught up on everything, although I will have to admit, there wasn't too much to catch completely on because we text each other quite frequently, like almost everyday.  But we talked about so many different things.  After the kids and Tony went home, Kathy and I headed to Panera (yes!  Thankfully they have them there too!!!) for dinner.  We each got a salad with shrimp.  Oh, the shrimp are huge and wonderful!  We brought the salads back to the hotel so we could eat and watch the DVDs I had brought with me.  Kathy's son, Matthew (the oldest), had brought his PS3 for us to use so we could watch the DVDs.  I had brought discs 2 through 5 of Game of Thrones Season 1.  I did already see the 3rd episode that Kathy hasn't seen but that was okay to see it again.  We watched episodes 3, 4, 5, and 6.  Oh my.  I DID need to turn my head a couple of times because it was either about to be gross or was gross but I expected that that would happen as Bill did warn me about the graphicness of the show.  I love the story line though. I just wish it wasn't so explicate with both violence and nudity but it is an HBO show and the do this because they can.

Oh my, I must digress from the weekend.  Maisy is a ninja dog as we call her.  She just did the most ninja thing yet after the candy incident.  Well, I was sitting here in the dining room writing this post when the little dog came into the room with something in her mouth.  Apparently, there was a blue bag with 3 ziplock bags full of dog food on top of the dog food container.  (It is a rolling container and fits a huge bag of dog food in it).  Well, she managed to get that bag down from the top of the container and then get into the bag to get a bag of food out of it.  Needless to say, I threw cold water on her plans.  Maisy did NOT look sorry for that one bit.  Not one little bit was she sorry about her ninja skills getting the dog food.  The bags were not even for Maisy, they were for Q who eats about 5 times the amount that Maisy does since he is about 5 times the size of Maisy.  of course, after she was caught, she wanted a tummy rub, two of them in fact.  Yes, I caved and gave them to her after I hung up the food bag.

Back to the weekend.  I drove Kathy back to her house and then went back to the hotel to go to sleep.  As usual, I did not sleep very well, but that is normal for me.  We then had lunch at IHOP today before I drove home and took a nap.  I did have to turn around about 10 minutes into my drive home because Kathy forgot her wallet in my car.  Silly Kathy, she would need that for driving and grocery shopping and all those good things.

Anyways, it was a nice overnight away.  I have 4 more episodes left for Game of Thrones season 1.  I am rather tired tonight so I think I will just read for a few and then go to bed.  I have 2 lessons tomorrow so I can sleep in if I want, which I probably will want to.

We are having a celebration of Maia's life on September 1.  On one hand, I am so glad she is no longer suffering and isn't in pain anymore, on the other, I can't believe she is gone.  I just can't at times.  I know it is selfish of me to want her here when she was suffering so much and no, I don't want her here suffering, I want her here like she was before she got cancer.  I want her healthy and here.  I miss her a lot.  I know her kids and the rest of the family misses her too.

Maia 8-9

My lovely cousin and friend, Maia, passed away about 10 am yesterday morning.  Our hearts and broken.  She was put in a coma on Wednesday because she was in so much pain and just suffering too much.  We had someone with her at all times.  She was never alone.  Her son was with her when she died so she did not die alone.  Maia is no longer in pain and is not suffering anymore.  I can't really write anymore tonight.  Maybe more tomorrow or on the weekend.

8-5

Maia's pain medicine has been raised again this morning.  Other than that, she is hanging on.  I have such a hard time with the fact that they have not been able to control her pain.  I don't understand why.  I hope it is better now.  As of right now, I am not heading to Windsor today.  I don't know about the rest of the week.  It all depends on Maia.

I had 2 lessons this afternoon.  Isabella and Bob.  Both are doing well.  Bob has started a new piece called "Toccata in D Minor" by J. S. Bach.  It is a famous piece that was featured in the original Fantasia movie.  I simply adore that song and I was surprised to realize that I NEVER gave the song to Bob to play!  Talk about an oversight!  Well, it is completely fixed now.  He has it and is doing rather well with it.  I am quite happy with how he is playing.  He plays very well and I have had him for a student for many years now.  I think at least about 6 or so, maybe even 7.  I am just not sure.  Bob really enjoys playing.  Isabella has been playing for a few years but I have had her for 2 weeks.  She also plays very well.  I think she will fit right in with the rest of the students.  We discussed competition today.  Isabella will need to be to speak with her parents about whether or not she wishes to participate in competition.  I am hoping that she will since she plays so well.  I know that Natalie, Aubrey, Jillian, Brooke, and possibly Rebecca are going but that is about it so far.  I don't know about Isaac or any of the other students.  I will know in the next few weeks or so.

On one hand, I am anxious to get into fall so that the fall planning can start and on the other hand, I don't want fall to arrive because that means cold and winter!!!!!!  Winter is not my favorite season.  I am a spring and fall girl not a summer and winter girl.

Bill brought home the rest of season one for the Game of Thrones for me.  I am so geeked to watch some more of this.  I think because I knew what was in it, that I can handle it (so far anyway).  We shall see how long I last though.  I am hoping through the first season because I really do like the story and the characters.  I like this kind of fantasy story.  I don't read a whole lot of them, but I do like them.  I don't watch a whole lot of movies in general anymore so I am not even sure what is out there.  I know the newest Percy Jackson movie is coming out.  I do wish to see that.  I have to re-read the entire series because I cannot remember enough of it at this point.  I do know some of the differences between the movie and the first book, only because Isaac told me about them, not because I remembered the book.  I read the books after we lost the store and really, I was in a dark spot at that point so I don't remember too much about what went on at that point.  For about 4 years of my life (1/2 of 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 1/2 of 2012) I can't remember too much except we lost the store, Momma died, and Richard stopped speaking to me.  I was also so sick at that point.  From November of 2007 to February of 2009, I was in the hospital about 15 times (including ER visits).  Some of them were just ER visits, some were overnight ER visits and some were extended stays.  It just seemed it was one thing after another.  now, I feel like I am getting somewhat better or as better as I can get.  I am eating healthier and cleaner, I am resting when I need to, and I have eliminated as much stress as possible in my life.  I am working on alternatives for some of the health issues and making sure that I am as healthy as I can be so that I don't get sicker and sicker again.  That was just not fun.  It really sucked and I do not want to be there again.

Maisy is sleeping right near me.  She is snoring!  It is so adorable!  Of course, outside of doggie business inside and barking too much, everything she does is adorable!  I simply adore that little dog!  She is lying on her side and it is so sweet.  We didn't really snuggle today because she was up with Heather B-T most of the day.  Heather B-T wasn't feeling too well.  She has had a migraine for 4 days now.  I am hopeful that it is much better now.

I couldn't really sleep last night.  I kept thinking I heard the phone ring.  I think I finally fell asleep around 5 am.  I think I have to be up for a noon lesson tomorrow.  Oh yeah, I do.  Not a problem.  I hope to go to bed earlier tonight and sleep better tonight than I did last night.  I kept thinking and dreaming about Maia.  I hope she is in less pain tonight.  Kayla is staying with her tonight.  We have someone with her at all times especially at night so that she isn't alone.  I just want her out of pain that is all I want now.  No more pain.  She is suffering and I don't want her to suffer anymore.  No more pain and no more suffering.  I know Maia is strong, but really, how much can one woman take?

Maia 8-4

I received a text message from my cousin, Maia's daughter, Danielle at about 1.  She sent it earlier but I didn't get it as I was sleeping.  She said to come right away so I did.  I got dressed and went to Windsor.  Maia nearly died last night and the hospice staff feel that she will pass away tonight.  Maia is still hanging on though so I don't know if she will or not.  I remember when the doctor told me that Momma would pass away and she lasted another 5 days so it is hard to say.  Our family is stubborn and strong at the same time.  I hope for Maia's sake that she isn't in as much pain and her passing is quiet and fast.  She has suffered enough.

Darrin and Luana, Maia's brother and sister, were also there with their children.  Pretty much the entire side of Maia's family and me were there.  Lia, Maia's oldest daughter, and Alex, Maia's oldest son, came in from out of town.  They are here indefinitely since the end is quite near.  This happened much faster than what they told us originally.  The doctor said she would have about 6 months, then she went into the hospital and now it is only weeks from when we were told months.  It is so fast.  I don't think you can really predict this type of timetable at times.  With Maia having so many types of cancer and it spreading so fast, I don't know how they could predict really anything with her.  The skin cancer is spreading and the other cancers inside her are also spreading.

It was somewhat nice to see other cousins but only somewhat because of the reason.  If it wasn't for the reason why, it would have been really nice.  I met Alex's fiance, Laila.  She was really nice and Lia's husband, Rick and daughter, Esther were there too.  Esther is almost 3 and Elizabeth, Danielle's almost 5 year old were playing together.  They really didn't understand what was going on at that age.  I wouldn't have expected them too.  They are just too young.  I was with them by myself for a while.  It was nice to focus and watch them for a while.  I did learn that both girls' favorite color is pink and Elizabeth's 2nd favorite color is purple.  Mine are reversed, I like purple first and then pink.  Esther didn't really have a 2nd favorite color.  They were playing pretty nicely together for the most part.  Both girls have so much energy it is amazing to me.  If only they could pass some to me.  That would be beautiful but they can't so I just watch them.  Lia was planning on spending the night.

When we all left at 5, Maia's boyfriend, Mark had arrived.  He requested everyone leave and let him be with Maia alone.  He has been so solid through this whole thing.  I am so glad that he is able to spend some time with her.  Tilley went to pick him up from work and then she will take him back.  I am also glad he requested that we all leave because otherwise I think most of us, including me, wouldn't have thought to give them some time alone.  I think most of us would have stayed in the waiting room.  I am not sure though since he did ask all of us to leave.  Danielle didn't want to but I think she did leave too.  I came home.  I didn't want to go anywhere else.  I needed to come home and rest.  I am not sure what the week will bring so I have to rest when I can.

I don't know what is going to happen when Maia dies outside of there will be no funeral.  She doesn't want one so there won't be one.  It is her choice, instead she would like a celebration BBQ at her mom, Tilley's house.  It will be a potluck, like we usually do, but all Maia's kids have to be there, which makes perfect sense to me.  I am not sure who all will be there, but I do know I will be.  It is for Maia and she is my closest cousin.  Maia was there when Momma died and she helped me as much as she could with Momma.  She was there for me after Momma died.  We visited with each other quite frequently.  We talked online a lot too.  It will be so strange not to have her here.  Just like it was so strange and still is strange without Momma.  So much of this reminds me in small ways of watching my mother die.  I was all alone when I was at the hospital.  I went everyday.  I had to.  How could I not when each day could be the last day my mother would be alive?  I still miss her terribly.  I probably always will.  Maia is only 50 and her kids are 19, 22, 27, 28 or something like that.  They are so young to lose their mother.  They really are.

What will tomorrow bring?  Will Maia survive the night?  I only pray that she isn't in so much pain and that she passes quickly and effortlessly.  I love her so much, we all do.  She is very much loved and important to all of us.

8-3

I saw Maia for a while this afternoon.  It was only about an hour or so before she had dinner.  The skin cancer has spread even farther down her arm and her back.  It is black and it is so painful for her.  The nurses have sort of bandaged it for her but it is not easy to bandage and they can't use tape because she is allergic to the adhesive.  I was glad that she was a bit more with it today, not as much as she was a couple of days ago, but still better than when I saw her in the hospital 2 weeks ago.  The hospice place seems to have better pain control for her.  She has a pump now but she can't overdo it because it does have a limit to it.  Danielle wasn't there when we were.  Apparently, she is upset with Tilley and some of her family again.  Whatever, this is bringing out the worst in some of my family.  I don't get it, but then, I am not getting in the middle of whatever it is because it isn't my business.

I am watching Legally Blond.  It is such a good movie.  I have it and I have seen it several times but it makes me smile every time.  It is over now and now there is nothing good one.  I have finished the first disc of Game of thrones.  Only 2 episodes were on it.  I was disappointed that there were only 2.  I now need the rest of season 1 or at least the next disc.  Tonight would have been perfect to watch it because the kids are out for the evening visiting a friend.  Oh well, it isn't like I can't see it any other time.  I mean, it has been out for a couple of years now and I could have watched it then.  So far, I like the story and I can tolerate the graphicness.  It hasn't been super violent yet, I shall see how I survive when that comes around.

Tomorrow is an empty day that I need to get a few things done in the music room since I haven't done them yet.  I am not sure what is up for the rest of the house but I need to do a few things and then I can read for a bit tomorrow without feeling that I am not doing what I need to do.  i also have the paper to wrap the Easter stuff in so it can go away.  I know I have said before I need to do it.  The problem is that I totally forget that it needs to be done.

Wednesday is fast approaching.  I plan to take a really long and good shower Tuesday night so I am spiffy clean for the surgery.  I don't know how they do this, but I want to be spiffy clean.  I have to get up when Heather B-T and the kids do on Wednesday so she can take me to the hospital for the procedure.  I am not sure how long it will last or how long I will need to stay but I will find out on Tuesday when the hospital calls to tell me when I need to be there.  I can't have anything to eat or drink except for sips of water 8 hours before the procedure and no sips of water 2 hours before the procedure so basically after midnight on Tuesday, no more food or drink.  This won't be a problem as I don't generally eat or drink after midnight on a regular basis.  I think I am just going in and out in one day but I don't know for sure.  I will find that out on Tuesday too.  I didn't get a whole lot of instructions from the doctor on this one.  Rachel just said that the hospital would let me know.  The anesthesia department wasn't too happy about that bit of info but we dealt just fine with it.  I have to stop coumadin tomorrow and I have stopped aspirin and Motrin (which I don't take anyway) as well as my eye vitamin because it has vitamin E in it.  I stopped that one on Friday when I spoke to the nurse on the phone.  I did try to find out what the name of my blood disorder is from Doctor Gradolph, but the receptionist couldn't find the name of it on my chart so i have to speak with doctor Gradolph myself and I will.  This time though, I will write it down.  I have to have my protime checked on Thursday instead of in a month because of the surgery on Wednesday.  Dr. G wants to see where my blood is and how to get it to theraputic range since it will be 4 days of not taking it.  He is such a good doctor.  He is very helpful and explains things very well to me.  He was also Momma's doctor and he was good to her too. When we became a hospice family, Dr. G asked to stay on as Momma's primary doctor.  I agreed since he knew her and was her doctor for so long.  I called the office and told them when Momma passed away.  I miss her so much.  Tilley and I spoke about her at dinner tonight.  We also spoke about forgiveness, which when it comes to my father, I have trouble with.  Not only because he left us but because of what he did to my mom and my older brother.  I really can't remember him too well and he doesn't really deserve to be remembered all that well since he is a creep and was horrible, but I haven't forgiven him, I don't know if I ever will be able to.  The only good thing out of it was that Momma stayed with us and took care of us.  She kept us together as much as possible.  She was a good Momma.  Yes, she had her faults, we ALL do, but overall, she was a good mom.

I have won a couple of games of words with friends.  It was exciting.  I like the game although I do like winning, it isn't the goal.  Having fun and improving is my goal.  There is one game with one of my friends that we go back and forth of who has the most points.  That is an exciting one because we are so close in points.  You never know when you will get a word that has a ton of points.  That is part of the fun.  You may think it is only a small work and that you will only get a small amount and then, boom, you get tons of points!  You just never know.  I also have finished the O'Malley series by Dee Henderson.  I am reading her "Full Disclosure" book now where some of the O'Malleys show up in.  It is a good book and she has a new one coming out soon.  I just don't know when.  I should check on that again.  I know it is sometime soon.  I also had to get a book that Calli wanted me to read, "Where the Red Fern Grows".  We had the movie.  I am just not sure where it is at this point.  I think it went in the group that went to Bill's library.  If it did, then we can always have him check it out and watch it together.  It is so fun to watch movies with her because she gets so excited about them.  I like that about Calli.  Acer doesn't really like movies or TV because it doesn't excite him to hear it.  Stories from books, yes, but not movies or TV shows.  He loves being read too.   I love it when he asks me to read to him.  It is such a good feeling.  Only a couple of times I was too exhausted to read to him, generally, I will find the energy to read to him.  Calli has a new book that she and Heather B-T will be listening to together.  I am anxious to hear about the book.

I found a neat recipe for baked cauliflower on face book today.  I shared it so that I would have the recipe.  I may try my hand at baking it tomorrow.  Well see who all is home first.  I will need to get the ingredients first as I know we don't have any cauliflower in the house, not fresh anyway and that is what we need.

My back and right leg are a bit sorer than usual today.  I think from the driving to and from Windsor.  Sometimes when I am driving my right leg gets really sore.  I really don't know why, it just does.  I am also getting rather tired but it is almost bedtime so that is normal.  I am surprised that my headache is just the normal headache and not any worse since I did a lot of driving today.  I am hoping for a decent night sleep with only waking up a few times.  That is my hope anyway.

August 1, 2013

I went to get my protime blood test today.  I get this every month because of the coumadin that I take.  My blood has to be checked to see if it is in what my doctor calls therapeutic level (between 2 and 3).  If my blood is above 3, then I have to lower the dosage, if it is lower than 2, then I have to raise the dosage.  Lately, it has been between 2 and 3 for the last couple of months so I am happy about that.  So many variables can change your blood thinness.  Things like the weather, food, stress, and sometimes for no reason whatsoever so it has to be monitored rather carefully.  Well, when I got my test done, I decided to get weighed.  I lost 3 more pounds so for this month, I have lost 5 pounds total, which brings my total to 27 pounds.  I have passed the dreaded 25 mark and I am now on to the 30 pound mark.

I had dinner with Wendy tonight.  It was a lot of fun.  We got their 2 dinners for $25 special and I tried something new!  Yes, me!  The girl who gets the same thing every time I go!  Not this time!  I got the spicy shrimp something.  I ate 1/2 of it (and all of the shrimp of course) and I have the rest for lunch tomorrow!  I just can't forget that I have it.  Wendy is hoping that she will be able to attend the nursing home concert to see Jennie perform and my students.  I have a few phone calls to make for my student, Shelly tomorrow.  She is auditioning for universities for music performance and I need to get some more info for her and for me so I know what to prepare for her.  She is really nice and is also going to perform at the nursing home, however, she is going to sing an eastern music song.  It will be different and I think that everyone will enjoy it.  I know the kids will so I think the residents will too.

I watched the first episode of Game of Thrones today.  Well, outside of there being so many characters to keep track of and I did need to turn my head a couple of times while there were a couple of beheadings but other than that, I did like it.  So far, I think it is something that Kathy and I can watch together (well, kind of together) and then talk about.  It is something we can do together anyway, which is what we wanted.  We wanted to find something we could do together even though we live far away from each other.  I am glad so far that we do have this at least at this point.  We shall see how long I can watch this.  If it stays the graphicness that the first episode had in it, then I can deal with it.  If it gets more, well, then, I am not sure as I don't do blood very well.  Although today was the first day I actually watched the nurse draw my blood.  I have never seen it before.  I usually turn away because I can't stand the sight of blood.  Kathy is much better at that than I am.  I could deal with it if the kids hurt themselves.  I would be grossed out but I could deal with it.  I think when you are the only one around who can deal with the issue, you do what you have to or at least that is what I am told.  So far, I love the girls long hair.  I miss my long hair.  I am growing it out again.  This time, I will not be conned into cutting it because someone doesn't like how long my hair was getting.  I thought or I bought into the idea that it would help my headaches.  Well, it made absolutely zero difference to my headaches.  I still had bad headaches with the shorter hair so I am not cutting off my hair.  I got my bangs trimmed a couple of weeks ago and they are crooked!  yes, crooked!  I am so unhappy about that.  In a few weeks when it grows out some more, I will have Heather B-T fix this issue.  I prefer my bangs to be a bit longer than they are right now.

Project Runway is on right now.  It is the unconventional challenge.  The designers had to go to Coney Island and win the materials for their outfits.  It is also a team challenge and some of the teams are doing well and others are not.  It is an interesting show, I think.  I love sewing.  I have no desire to be a professional seamstress or designer but I do like watching these type shows.  I find them interesting.  I don't like any other type of reality shows but this one.  Design Star for HGTV was okay but this is better.

Maisy is looking so adorable right now.  She is lying down with her face on her paws.  I so love that dog so much.  I had no idea that it was possible to love a dog that much.  I do know now how much a person can love a dog because that dog is one of the lights of my life.  Maisy helps my anxiety go down and she makes me smile.  Very little can make me smile faster than that little, fluffy, cutie pie of a dog.  She is such a sweet dog too.  Okay, I must confess though, she does bark a lot and well, I don't like that.  Maisy also has been known to well, do doggie business in the house.  I don't like that either but outside those two things, I love everything about her.  Maisy is a very special dog.  I am glad Heather B-T got her.  I just wish she was a bit better behaved about the excess barking and the occasional doggie business in the house.

Pain level is pretty normal today except for the morning headache and the evening headache.  I woke up in the middle of the night with a really bad headache and I had to take something for it.  I also had to take something again at 5 am.  It is really getting so upsetting that my head hurts so much at night still.  I am hoping this will improve soon.  The headaches over all have improved during the day but at night and in the morning they are still really bad especially when I go to bed.  I am tired of headaches more so than body aches although I still have body aches, they are not as overwhelming as the headaches.  The headaches overwhelm me more than anything.  I also have more issues with the fatigue that comes with the fibro more than the body aches.  I get tired so easy like so many.  I can have energy in the middle of the night for about an hour and when it is daytime, well, I can have no energy when I need it.

I wanted to work on the music room this week but with what was going on with Bill, we just didn't get to it.  Maybe tomorrow I will do something by myself.  I have the office supplies boxes that I want to move into the dining room dresser sideboard so they won't be stacked in the music room next to the filing cabinets.  I still have to move the Easter stuff off of the other piano and the stuff on top of the filing cabinets need to be sorted also but overall, it is just refining the room and decluttering a few spots so it will be ready for teaching.  That is my goal.  To have the room ready for teaching by the end of August.  The CDs need to be split up into the 2 drawers.  I have the 2nd drawer ready for the CDs.  I have the music mostly put away.  The stuff that is not put away is stuff I am currently using.  I will have to start bringing out the Christmas and competition music in September.  I have the rest of August to make the finishing touches to the room.  I have some pictures I also want to put up too.  I am not sure where I want to put the ballet shoes, music sheets, and roses picture as well as the cello and roses picture.  They were once in my room but when I moved rooms, I never put them back up.  I am glad now since I think they will fit perfect in the music (living) room.  The living room has been transformed into the music room since it is the room I teach in.  It works out really well because the student walks in, takes their shoes off, and then turns immediately left into the living room where the music is.  They do not have to step farther into the house and since it is the first room in the house, the kids can play anywhere else in the house without worrying about making too much noise.  It truly is the best setup.  I am thankful for it.  I really like teaching here at home.  I have a place to rest in between the lessons and if I need some music, I have the music at my fingertips.

Well, time for words with friends and then a bit of reading before bed.  I can't believe it is Friday tomorrow already.  Wow, this week sure did fly by!