Wednesday 12-7

I have a couple lessons tonight that I am looking forward too.  I have Natalie and Beth.  I hope Beth is feeling much better because last week she was really sick so I do hope she is much better.  We are working on the music she needs for the musical she is in, Jekyll and Hyde.  Beth has come so far in her voice since she began lessons last spring.  I won't see her at all in January, but I hope she is back in February.  Natalie is also a voice student.  She is doing very well too.

I really slept in today.  I was so exhausted from not sleeping too well the night before that I slept a lot last night.  I did my usual waking up a lot, but that was normal.  I am not too surprised that I slept in as much as i did, but a little bit surprised.  I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for the blood test to Friday.  I am not sure what I was thinking, but I am glad that I did as I would have slept through the whole thing and that would have been bad.

On the radio, the host was talking to some guests about getting through the holidays when you are in a rough spot.  It made me think of last Christmas when I think I was a total zombie through the whole thing.  I don't remember too much about the season except that I slept a lot and cried a lot.  In some ways I am sadder this year at times because the shock has worn off and other times I am okay.  I think I am doing pretty well but I still have my rough spots and days.  It is hard to be happy all the time, I think, whether or not you are in mourning because things happen.  They were talking about all sorts of hardships, death, divorce, financial, and things like that.  I am thankful to be living in a house and the fact i am not homeless.  I was very worried about that last year.  I really was because when Momma passed away I didn't have very many students and my disability wouldn't cover all the bills.  Now, I am not worried at all.  I work part-time and I have my disability, which pays the bills.  I like the lessons I have, I know there is no way I could work full time right now, in the future, maybe, but not right now, today.  I have enough to keep busy but also not too many where I can't rest when I need too and resting is very important.  I am thankful that a few weeks ago when I felt a crash and burn beginning to happen (also known as a flare) that I rested enough to not go into it.  I do wish Mom was here with me.  I will wish that for the rest of my life.  I miss her.  I miss both the woman she was without Alzheimer's and the woman she became with Alzheimer's.  she was so scared all the time and so dependent on me.  It was nice to feel important to someone.  I knew she needed me and once I got over myself, I didn't mind.  Yes, when she first was diagnosed I was a bit resentful that she wanted to be with me all the time, however, that didn't last too long because she needed me.  As she got sicker, I just took over more duties for her that 's all.  At first, when she was first diagnosed, I thought she would need a nursing home and I did look into them.  They are very expensive and I don't see how the care was any better (in our case, other people have no choice, they need that type of care) than what I was doing.  She didn't need the 24/7 care that many people needed so I was very lucky.  I was able to keep her home and she liked being at home.  Yes, at times it was scary.  There are times now that I am scared but I don't think the fear is all consuming like it was last year at this time.  I was so afraid all the time last year for months after Mom went to Heaven.  I thought I would end up homeless and starving.  There were year long or more waiting lists for housing.  I had food stamps for a bit, but not anymore, I don't need them now.  That was helpful.  I no longer have Medicaid either, just Medicare and this works for me.  I don't particularly think I am lonely, except for Mom, I see my friends, family, students quite frequently.  I meet up with various friends at different times of the month.  I thought I would be alone for the Holidays, I am not.  I went to Jennie's Mom's house with her and her family for Thanksgiving, and will spend Christmas with Kathy and her family same with most likely Easter or I will have Easter here.

My hips are pretty sore today for some reason.  Every so often I get a flare in them and today seems to be the day.  Silly hips, don't they know they aren't supposed to hurt?  I had a bad headache this morning, but now it is the regular headache so I will be fine for lessons.  I have been very lucky these last few years because rare have I had to cancel a lesson due to illness on my part.  My lessons are scheduled so nicely that I can rest when I need to and I don't have too many in one day.  I have had several colds over the last year but none so bad I had to cancel and on the worst days, I had no lessons or just one.  I have been really blessed that way.  Even my flares have not caused me to cancel!  I hope the New Year is the same way.

I do hope you are having a good day and enjoying the Christmas Season.  I will decorate this weekend a bit.  I plan to go all out next year but not this year.  This year, like last year, will be only a little decorating.  I hope it doesn't snow until Christmas Eve! (After, of course, I get home for the evening!)