Saturday, December 29, 2012

Les Miserables 12-29

Oh my, words fail me about how wonderfully beautiful the movie was.  It stayed pretty much true to the stage production with a few changes here and there.  Over all, it was breathtaking.  Simply breathtaking!  Anne Hathaway has one of the most beautiful voices EVER!  She was amazing.  I think I could go on and on about it.  I plan to purchase this when it comes out on DVD.  It has been nominated for some golden globes and I hope that it will also be nominated for Oscars.  I went with Star to see it.  When Star was younger, she was my student and now, she is grown up and 25 years old.  It is nice to be friends, not just on facebook, with former students and seeing how they have grown up and mature.  It is awesome.  I am friends with several former students now.

It is hard to believe that in 2 days 2012 will be over and 2013 will be ushered in.  I think in some ways I have changed and maybe have grown.  I started the year with such a heavy heart, deep into mourning.  I still miss mom everyday but it doesn't seem to be as physically hard as it was.  I still have many days physically feeling the grief.  My heart ached physically and mentally.  I had to change my wallpaper on my computer because it was no longer helping me.  It made me sadder every time I saw a picture of mom.  I changed it back to the Winnie the Pooh pictures.  I think today that many people forget how long a person grieves and they expect a person to be "over" the person who passed away fairly quickly.  Some in my family are like this.  To be in mourning is looked up as a depression, which mostly it isn't.  Yes, I am very sad at times.  I had a very close relationship with my mom even before she had Alzheimer's.  The Alzheimer's brought us closer together.  I do thank God that I was the one to take care of her even if some days I was frustrated.  I know she was frustrated with me at times too.  I am glad that she is all better now and is in Heaven.  For a long time all i wanted to do was to be with her.  If I had died, I wouldn't have cared, I almost would have welcomed it.  The one person who was beside me my whole life was gone.  I had purpose when I took care of her.  I was upset when we lost the store.  Mom was there.  At that time, Mom was still more like herself with only a few changes outside of her memory issues.  I think it was around fall 2009 when she started to not be herself anymore.  She cried so easy, like I do now.  Mostly I can think about her and not be sad, but I still do get sad thinking about her.  She would have loved this movie.  She had seen it about 4 times with me.  I saw it 1 time without her.  I loved going to the theatre with her whether it was a live stage play or a movie.  Mom and I had so much in common as far as music and movies as well as many activities.  I am thankful that in the spring I went and spoke with Star's mother.  She really helped me a lot.  I am much better now.  Yes, I still miss her and I will for the rest of my life.  The only regret I have is that I wouldn't let mom talk about what she wanted me to do when she wasn't here anymore.  I just couldn't think about so now I don't know.  Overall, 2012 was not the worst of my life, it is getting better.  Will I be the same carefree woman that I was before 2009?  No, but everyone changes as time goes by.

I am thankful for the things and people I have in my life.  I have a few plans for next year.  I plan to be with friends on New Year's Eve.  It will be nice and quietish like it has been the last New Year's Eves.

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